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#309167 (30/48) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bob> how does Pandora not have an xbox app.
<jmather> bob: because it's not pandora's box |
#308272 (44/60) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jerith> I have a friend called ed.
<jerith> We once got him a shirt for his birthday. It said "the standard text editor". |
#306378 (30/44) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
dcNate2: wow the UN says internet access is a human right?
Crispy`: dcNate2: Yep./
dcNate2: free internet for all?
Crispy`: well
Crispy`: I have a dream
Crispy`: that one day, we will break free from the chains of oppression
Crispy`: all of God's children
Crispy`: DSL users
Crispy`: cable users
Crispy`: satellite internet users
Crispy`: will be united as one under an internet that imposes no caps!
Crispy`: No restrictions! no limits! No censorship nor greedy corporate owners!
Crispy`: We are all free and equal under the tubes!
dcNate2: judge me not by my ISP, but the QoS of my connection! |
#306373 (28/40) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Judith: I sleep face down because my nose gets cold.
You: So you can't breathe, but at least your nose is warm.
Judtih: NO, it's like swimming. You tilt your head when you want to breathe. |
#259327 (23/37) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Nohc> I feel like playing video games\
<+Nohc> but I have too much work
<+aero> Has that stopped you before?
<+Nohc> good point |
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#310438 (49/65) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+element> i hope im not bleeding out of my asshole
<Tarball`> famous last words |
#309659 (40/62) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mgodzilla> windows has given me a recedin' hairline...unix has helped me grow a beard. |
#304914 (82/154) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Drumroll has joined #main
*** html has joined #main
*** head has joined #main
*** title has joined #main
*** body has joined #main
*** h1 has joined #main
* Drumroll please...
<html> X
<head> X
<title> Hello world! </title>
<body> X
<h1> Hello World! </h1> </body> </html>
*** Drumroll has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** html has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** head has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** title has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** body has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** h1 has quit IRC (Quit: ) |
#304639 (45/83) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sebas> I still want to start a stoner metal band because it's so damn easy
<Sebas> The guitarist gets 40 seconds to find the next chord, the drummer has to stick to like 5bpm, the bassist just fuzzes about a bit, and you slap tons of distortion on the vocals
<al> Bach would be proud
<Sebas> Only if he were around in our day and age
<Sebas> Bach to the Future
<nwagers> for the record, that was terrible
<Sebas> One might even say it was the vinyl straw? |
#310382 (38/52) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Madda> Well, people don't seem too bothered by the "Our app will now record audio from your mobile"
<@Madda> So... *shrugs*
<~Altieri> Well, part of the problem is that those privacy warnings aren't always clear.
<@Crazed_Succubus> i feel like if i was that bothered i'd cut myself off from all technology and live in the woods
<@Crazed_Succubus> but i'm determined not to Thoreau my life away |
#309512 (38/42) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< elliott> As mentioned in the outline history section a French artillery officer by the name of Nicholas Cugnot (1729-1804) made a steam three-wheeler intended for military use in 1769. This was arguably the first 'motor vehicle' although the small boiler could carry only enough water for a fifteen minute run and the maximum speed was about 4mph.
< elliott> In spite of these limitations on his first road trial of the three wheeler machine, making him arguably the first motorist, M. Cugnot hit a wall, becoming the first motorist to have an accident, and after several more experiments he scored the hat trick by becoming the first person to be arrested and imprisoned for dangerous driving. |
#307798 (40/60) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<vera> i always ask them if they are having an abortion first because it was awkward that one time i was like look heres your baby and heres his heart beating and she was like ok can you take it out of meComment: Vera is a doctor.
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#311057 (43/65) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Amy> some animals don't have tails, i guess a snake is an example of the opposite
<Amy> where the tail doesn't have an animal |
#311034 (31/49) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Agentimoline> what does fnord even mean
<Celti> Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.
<Celti> Or if you prefer, fnord is toast without bread.
<Celti> Fnord is where they keep the unused serifs for sans-serif fonts.
<Celti> Fnord... is the echo of silence.
<Celti> Fnord is a colour only blind people can see.
<Celti> Fnord is why LISP has so many parentheses.
<Celti> Fnord is a four-leaf clover — with a missing leaf.
<Celti> Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.
<Celti> Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.
<Celti> Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.
<Celti> Fnord lives in the empty space above the decimal point in that number.
<Celti> Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".
<Celti> The fnords will eat you if you're not careful.
<Celti> If you try and see them.
<Celti> They're everywhere, if you look. But don't look. Fnord.
<Celti> Does that answer the question sufficiently?
<Celti> I can't really go on.
<Celti> It's too dangerous. |
#311005 (30/60) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Analogy> So I just got an audio book, but it was in another language so I had to listen with subtitles |
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The London Vandal Store, you should check it out.
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#311004 (18/44) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<contra> i love the dentist
<contra> they rip out your teeth and give you pills
<contra> its like dating an abusive drug dealer |
#311000 (46/58) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pen Straw> the earth is actually flat but it rotates like a doom sprite when anyone tries to look at a different angle |
#310980 (19/45) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<asterick> Does anyone ever feel like jQuery is kinda like bill cosby?
<asterick> Like, everyone used to REALLY love him, but then someone said "I was totally raped by jQuery" then all of a sudden everyones like "DUDE ME TOO" |
#311079 (17/23) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<snesbot> Do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield?
<Screwtape> I do not.
<Jistuce> Love can't bloom on a battlefield because love is a battlefield.
<Screwtape> And we can't have nested battlefields, that would be *crazy*.
<Screwtape> What is this, Disgaea?
<Jistuce> Pretty sure it's The Sims. |
#311003 (28/36) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<manderson> I decided to surprise visit my mom for thanksgiving.
<manderson> She answered the door and asked, "can I help you?" and looked confused.
<asterick> hah
<manderson> Yeah, then it all went downhill.
<manderson> It took less than 5 minutes before she asked me to fix her computer.
<manderson> You haven't seen me in two years and *that* is what you want? |
#310983 (47/61) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<luper> we forced this one guy with a long-ass beard to wear a beard net because his beard DID get caught in a server rack |
#310978 (49/55) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<!spaghetti> What's that thing deaf people have
< FrobtheBuilder> peace and quiet? |
#310957 (57/67) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
h34rts0me: area man discovers new dimension, becomes volume man |
#310941 (44/48) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Chillum: the most evil thing I have ever made is a tiny USB stick that when inserted in a computer pretends to be a keyboard and turns on/off CAPS LOCK every minute or so randomly
Chillum: it drives people insane
dmacks_away: Luckily I have a case-insensitive filesystem and a shell that is so crappy it doesn't even realize when a command is miscapitalized.
legoktm: you use PHP as your shell? |
#310934 (18/22) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+wowaname> was gonna do this
<~c4t> so much easier
* sv sets mode: +b File!*@*
* sv sets mode: +"<srig>,1 line
* sv sets mode: +b for!*@*
* sv sets mode: +e +!*@*
* sv sets mode: +xr(23):?*@uw. print
* sv sets mode: +b ^!*@*
* sv sets mode: +b SyntaxError:!*@*
<+wowaname> shit
* sv sets mode: -b File!*@*
* sv sets mode: -"<string>,l
* sv sets mode: -b for!*@*
* sv sets mode: -x(23):+?"*@ugw.i
* sv sets mode: -b ^!*@*
* sv sets mode: -b SyntaxError:!*@*
* sv sets mode: -i
<+wowaname> whatever the fuck that was
<+wowaname> hold on
<~c4t> lol what did you do
<+wowaname> fucked up the ircd
* sv sets mode: +y wowaname
<!wowaname> ugh |
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