Love or hate hipsters, at least they recycle
... kind of... :) My Tumblr:
http://onision.com
THE ORIGINAL
SCRIPT
10
THINGS I
LOVE ABOUT HIPSTERS
1. IF YOU LOVE IT, THEY
HATE IT
Dale: Hey Rod, do you want the last popsickle?
Rod: Do you like popsickles?
Dale:
Oh my god!
Yes!
Rod:
Eat it then, I hate them.
Dale: *unwraps and eats it*
Rod: You disgust me.
Dale: I know, all this sugar, fruit & yummy is so gross.
Rod:
Wait... are you serious?
Dale:
Yeah it's so gross.
Rod: I
WANT IT!
Dale: HA! *eats the rest*
Rod:
Jerk.
2. THEY
DON'T WANT ANY
PART OF YOUR MAINSTREAM ACTIVITIES
Emo:
Hey Rod, you look different...
Rod: Yeah, I got sick of all those mainstream clothes.
Emo: Oh... right... wanna go see
Iron Man 3 with me?
Rod: NO! That movie is going to suck so bad...
Emo: Is that why the last movie
Iron Man was in grossed over a billion dollars?
Rod:
WOW!!! IT MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY
BAD!!!
Emo: ...
Rod:
Enjoy your crappy crap fest.
Emo: This picture of a human rectum grossed nothing in theatres, everyone hates this picture.
Rod: OH MY
GOD!
IT'S AMAZING!!!!
Emo: Here, you can stare at it while I'm gone. *throws rod the picture*
Rod: Woooooowwwwww.
3. THEY'RE
BRAVE ENOUGH TO HAVE OPINIONS AND
EXPRESS THEM AS IF THEY
MATTER
Rod: I'm not uploading this video because it's too mainstream to do that, no.
Rod: I'm going to put this on my
VHS TV and play it in front of my house.
Rod: I just want the world to know what I think of them selling out their souls to evil...
Dale: SHUT UP
ROD!!!!
Rod:
Sorry, that's just my sellout dad.
Dale:
I WILL TAKE YOUR VHS TV, AND THROW IT THE DUMPSTER.
Rod:
FINE! RECORDING VIDEOS IS TOO MAINSTREAM ANYWAY!!!
4. THEY CAN'T REPRODUCE
Dale: Hey Rod, what's with the pants.
Rod: They're so super tight aren't they?
Isn't it awesome?
Dale: No.
Rod:
Good cause if you said yes I would've burned them.
Dale: You know they kill off all your sperm right?
Rod: ...sperm is... mainstream...
Dale:
Thank God.
5. THEY DON'T
TRY
Dale: Hey Rod, you're kinda stinking up the house, mind taking a shower.
Rod: Why would I try to do anything? Why can't I just exist?
Dale: Um... because you smell like an old homeless woman's vagina?
Rod: You mean natural? See that's why you're so uncool.
Dale: ...I'm your dad, I don't give a crap about being cool.
Rod: Oh, is that why you give into the corperations by buying their towels & tubs & toilettes!?!
Dale: Well this house costs money, so why don't you go live outside?
Rod: Because that's what you want me to do & I'm not your puppet.
Dale: I smell feces... did you poop?
Rod: So what if I did?
Dale: *stares*
Rod:
Jealous?
Dale: No.
Rod:
Good.
6. THEY'LL NEVER TRY TO BECOME DOCTORS, SO YOU'RE
SAFE
Emo: What are you going to go to college for?
Rod: I'm thinking about becoming a painter... or musician... or photographer.
Emo: Ah, all career paths which most often offer littel to no income & don't necessarily even require you to go to college.
Rod: Yeah, but I'm gonna go anyway... I figure, I'm already going to be unhireable, why not also be in dept to student loans.
Emo: You... want debt & a miserable life of poverty?
Rod: Doesn't nobody???
Emo: ...yeah...
Rod:
Perfect!
7. THEY'RE
EASY TO ARGUE WITH, DESPITE THEIR CLAIMS OF BEING INTELLECTUAL
Dale: So Rod...
Rod: What dimple dick?
Dale: What does that even mean.
Rod:
It's new, I invented it.
Dale: ... ok so you're a hipster.
Rod: No.
Dale: What?
Rod: I'm not part of the whole hipster thing, it's so mainstream & sold out now.
Dale: You know denial is one of the most common human responses.
Rod: ...I'm... not in denial.
Dale: So you're I hipster.
Rod: ...no.
Dale: Are you denying that you are a hipster therefore being suffering from a common human problem?
Rod: NO!
Dale: So you're a hipster.
Rod: Yes!
Dale: But you said so yourself, hipster is mainstream.
Rod:
DAMN IT!
8. THEY
MAKE LOSERS
FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES
White: Hey Rod, wanna hear me make music?
Rod: Do you have any fans?
White:
Not yet...
Rod: OH!
GREAT!!!
Let's hear it!
White: *performs*
Rod: OH WOW!!! THAT'S SO GOOD!!
White:
Really?!
Rod: Yeah! You're so new & original!
White:
Wow! *continues to play*
Rod:
Amazing!
Dale: Hey White.
White: Yeah???
Dale: Can you either kill yourself or stop singing... or both?
White: ...yeah.
(script exceeded character limit)
- published: 09 Jan 2013
- views: 1583501