How to Talk to Your Wife or Girlfriend about Oral Sex Many men find oral sex to be a sensual and intimate part of lovemaking, but not all women are readily open to giving it or receiving it until there is some discussion to address their fears and put them at ease. It can feel uncomfortable or even awkward to start the conversation, but talking about intimate matters with your partner will help build trust and intimacy even if she's initially opposed to the idea, or aspects of the process. If you are uncomfortable talking about the subject, chances are she'll pick up on it and she'll be uncomfortable too. If you feel close enough to discuss this with your wife or girlfriend, this article will give you some guidance in approaching this delicate conversation with your partner. You may find she's open to it, and she may find it pleasurable too. Be honest, open, and caring while to talking about sex with your partner. Find out what she likes, what arouses her, and what gives her pleasure. While you're talking to her about this, make sure you're telling her the same things about yourself. An intimate conversation should always be held in an intimate setting and the conversation should go both ways. For example, don't bring it up when you're out to dinner. Initiate the discussion delicately so she doesn't feel any pressure. Start by confiding in her what you love most about your sexual relationship, but don't do it in a forced, unnatural or inappropriate way. The conversation should start out comfortable and familiar, and then naturally progress toward talking about oral sex. If you give your wife or girlfriend a feeling of respect, love, and confidence, she will be more open to it than if you just blurt it out. You can start out be saying something like I really love when you do (whatever it is) or I love when you touch me like (whatever it is) It makes me feel (how you feel) Let her talk - you're having a conversation not giving lecture. Listen, even if it's not what you want to hear. Genuinely listen to you partner expressing her thoughts and concerns. She may or may not have much to say, and what she says might not be in favor of participating in these activity. If this is the case, don't pressure her. Listen to her with an open heart and don't be judgmental or pushy when responding. You have addressed your desires, and even if she says no, she's aware of what you'd like. It will stay in her head, and if you're nothing but supportive, respectful, and understanding she may feel more confident and trusting once she's had a chance to think about it on her own terms and in her own time. Be sure you don't even give her a subtle feeling of pressure about it. Never make demands, get upset about it, force her to give you oral sex, or blatantly ask for it. That would convey a feeling of disrespect or lack of concern for her feelings, which is likely to work against you. Consider why your wife or girlfriend might be put off by it. Oral sex can involve some scary elements for a woman. Some women can easily feel as if their air supply is compromised and like they may gag and choke. The fact is, when doing this, she's putting herself in a very vulnerable position and it's important that you understand this. Some women fear hurting their partner or just getting it wrong. Some women feel vulnerable reviving oral sex, not every thinks it's normal and many women feel too expose being so intimate. Without complete sexual trust, these activities could result in her feeling a great deal of anxiety, helplessness, and discomfort. If you dismiss her concerns and only focus on your desires, you're not putting her at ease. Assure your partner during your conversation that you will give her control. She needs to feel completely safe. Make she knows, if you hold her head or her hair while engaging in such intimate relations, you'll always maintain enough control of yourself to be able to avoid restraining her head in the heat of passion. It's fine, and can even be desirable, to hold her hair out of the way, or place your hand on her head or shoulder, but it should be in a way that's very gentle and comforting to her. Let her know you'll respect her throughout and that you'll bed okay with your wife or girlfriend calling a stop to things at any time. Remember, these are extremely intimate acts. If approached with love, trust, openness, and understanding, this can be a mutually shared, and mutually satisfying experience for both partners.

• published: 30 Mar 2016
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