• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• I Can Swing My Sword - Toby Turner
• The Sideburns Song - Toby Turner
• Safety Torch - Toby Turner
• Nugget In A Biscuit - Toby Turner
• I'm A Bird Motha' - Toby Turner
• Hitman Absolution - Toby Turner
• Dramatic Song - Toby Turner
• Darksiders - Toby Turner
• Crysis 2 - Toby Turner
• Assassins Creed: Literal - Toby Turner
• Assassins Creed Revalations - Toby Turner
• I Go To College For The Financial Aid - Toby Turner
• Toby Turner - Toby Turner
• Too Late Windows 7 - Toby Turner
• Iron Man 3 - Toby Turner
• New Years Rap (a Couple Of Guys In Hawaii) - Toby Turner

Do you like my sword, sword?
Sword, my diamond sword, sword
You can not afford, 'ford
'Ford, my diamond sword, sword
Even if you could, could
I have a patent!
No one else can make a sword
Exactly in this manner, manner
Welcome to my manor, manor
I ca ca ca can I'm gonna
Swing, swing, swing my sword, sword
Whenever I get bored, bored
I can swing my sword, sword
I can swing my sword, sword!
Once I hit the floor boards
But I had it restored
And it was expensive
But it was a write off!
Swinging is my business
And by that I mean swinging swords
Please do not ignore.
Do you like my sword?
That was rhetorical
You know I am the oracle
I know you like my sword
It's made of freakin' diamonds
'Cause If you don't you're lying
But that would be fine
Because it is awesome
And you're probably jealous!
I can swing my sword, sword
'Cause I am the lord, lord
Lord of diamond swooooorrrrrddddssssah!

Sideburns on the side of my face,
As my head turns,
You can see they’re in the same place.
On either side-burns,
They can’t be replaced
My insides burn, when I think of the days before my…
My sideburns, look at my sideburns
Oh! Don’t touch my sideburns
Why would you do that?
My heart yearns for my own sideburns!
My side actually burns now, what is that?
What the hell man, why does my side burn?
What the hell’s going on? My side burns.
Does any body have some Aloe Vera?
If you do, bring it backstage (I’ll pay you back)
1985 from the womb I came out (On my birthday)
The doctor said “What you crying about?”
I said “Is that a rhetorical question?”
You know why I cried? “I have a serious lack of hair on
the side, of my head.”
Little baby people don’t have sideburns, they gotta
grow them when they’re older
But if your little baby already has sideburns, that’s
awesome! Don’t be concerned!
Don’t be concerned about your little bitty baby with
the big, big sideburns.
You should not be concerned (serned) about the little
itty baby baby with the big, big sideburns.
Your little baby gonna be a pimp. Your little baby
gonna be a little baby pimp.
You should probably discourage that kind of profession
because it’s illegal and your baby’s too young
To be concerned about starting a business,
But that’s impressive if it’s got the mind set.
My sideburns, look at my sideburns! Back on track
talking talking ‘bout sideburns.
My sideburns look at my sideburns! La li luh luh loo
loo sidebu-u-ur-r-rns…

(Note: This is a duet song)
Toby:
Look at little Tim Tim
sleeping so soundly
WAKE UP TIMMY
WHAT IF THERE'S A MONSTER?!
Don't be scared Timmy or he'll eat you
Monsters smell fear
Lucky for you, I got a
SAFETY TORCH!
Put it on your porch
(it's a) SAFETY PORCH!
Put it in your hallway
SAFETY TORCH!
Scare the monsters away
SAFETY TORCH!
That'll be 50 bucks.
Timmy:
But my house is on fire!
Toby:
Shhh!
Tim Tim,
Things are looking grim grim
But lucky for you you
I've come with a solution!
It's your lucky day.
SAFETY WATER!
Put it in a bucket
SAFETY WATER!
Pour it on the fire
SAFETY WATER!
Maybe make a bubble bath
SAFETY WATER!
First one on the house!
-talk time-
Timmy:
Heh, I see what you did there.
First one's on the house.
Toby:
Heh heh yeah.
Just the first one though but it's a quite a few.
So those...
...Plus all that safety torches...
Let's like, let's just call it like 500 bucks.
Timmy:
I don't have 500 bucks!
Toby:
Oh that's fine I'll bill your parents.
Timmy:
Toby:
Thanks for your time go on back to sleep
Have a good night.
Timmy:

Chicken
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Dip it all in mashed potatoes!
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Dip it all in mashed potatoes!
Dip it all in mashed potatoes
And dip the mashed potato covered
chicken nugget biscuit in a BBQ sauce
MMM! Yum, yum, gimme!
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Dip it all in mashed potatoes!
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Nugget, biscuit, nugget in a biscuit.
Dip it all in mashed potatoes!
Dip it all in mashed potatoes
And dip the mashed potato covered
chicken nugget biscuit in a BBQ sauce

Oh, oh, that's my jam!
That's my jam! (jam!)
I'm a bird motha', I'm a bird!
Look at me motha', I'm a bird!
I'm a bird motha', I'm a bird!
Continues with the same....
I'm a bird, bird, bird bird bird!
Then it has the remix, and after that, the chorus plays
over and over... not much of a creative song, but I had

Rundown motel is not classy.
Guess he didn't make enough blood money.
That, or he spent it on a big nun party.
He's hurt bad. Shoulda played on easy.
Nun bling jingling, getting pretty breezy.
You probably shouldn't wear a white shirt.
Even nuns go to shoe sales.
And get prison tats.
Tie your blood red tie
to match your blood red blood. Yay, fashion.
Distorted guitar makes the nuns pull out some guns.
And a rocketlauncher.
47 wants to fit in with them. (hot)
But sexy bad guy music makes nuns take their clothes off.
And get tattoos.
He got some blood on his favorite coin.
Hydrogen peroxide will take it off.
Just like this music did for all of
the hitman's girlfriends,
who just found out about eachother.
Hot hot hot, even hotter.
Slow mo pistol smacking water.
Hopefully he doesn't kill the hot hitwom-
NO DONT KILL THEM!
Slow mo 3d pistol spinning
Don't kill the hot hit women
Slow 3d pistol spinning.
Please don't kill the hot women
He doesn't date coworkers.
So he shoots them in the chest.
That one's the hottest.
Denied! Knee him in the eye.
Not a bad view if you gotta die.
But he's not distracted,
he just smacked it.
Hit her in the back of the head
and make the hot chick leader uglier.
Now her friend's the hottest one.
She can't be her friend now.
Now she can as long as she's not
used as a human shield OH no.
Slow mo. Too slow.
Rest in peace, hot hit women.
That's right. Think about what you've done.
Hitman Absolution.
Look out, hot hit women.
He's got some ammunition.
And soon you will be wishing
I was there to protect you.
Just call me.
Call me hot hit women.
Let's hang out sometime.
Let's get some coffee sometime.
When's good for you?

This song sounds dramatic
But I'm bad at writing words
If you don't speak English
This probably sounds pretty good
You'd probably think I'm singing
'Bout some pretty serious stuff
But in reality I'm singing about
The lack of stuff I'm singing 'bout
This part's intense and emotional
As long as you don't understand it
Your foreign grandma
Would love this song
Please send it to her
And she'll probably tell her foreign friends about the
song her grandson or daughter sent her today
This song might hit the charts in her country if parts
sounded like Coldplay
If the chorus sounds like Coldplay
Then I'll put some La La La's in there
La la la la la la la la la la la la (Coldplay)
Hopefully your foreign grandma listens to this song
every day
And if she asks you to translate the lyrics here's what
you say
A perfect translation does not exist
Well, at least, not in your language
But if you must know, well, picture this
50 billion rainbows and the sun is setting
And the moon is setting also
And you're there in a gazebo
And then God descends from heaven
And He gives you a million dollars
Take that feeling and put it into a song
I could translate word by word but that'd take too
long
And I've got stuff to do Grandma
I don't have time for this
You gotta trust me Grandma

and there was a war in heaven
where demon fought against angel
and angel fought against demon
in an epic pillow fight
that lasted all night
demons couldnt get their beauty sleep and they need it more than most
honestly probably wouldn't help
block a demon axe
angel bumble bee stressed out
axe gets pressed out
angel takes the rest out
golden armor sucks
the shirtless demon has a higher armor rating with his nipple ring
but its not high enough
death's lack of a mouth
led to depression
and he has a lot of pent up aggression
demon take their mouths for granted
stab them in the chest switch to two handed
eat this with your mouth you freakin demon!
giant robot demon smack
cut the robot blood is black
robot pushed the hero back
ready for the big attack
hero gets trapped so he gets frustrated
but he doesn't have a mouth so he can't state it
at least it gets shaded
is that a cloud? no,
launch in slow, mo
main guy and some tree trunks
travel from left to right
hit a wall! stop!
you got a boss to fight
never mind, holy s*** what the f***
your screwed
just by stepping on the ground he launched you
and if he had a mouth
he'd be screaming
but he doesn't so he needs something to take some of the pent up aggression out on.
he starts to now run
with his underground undead horsey
who glows green with love
dive onto saddle.
ride into battle.
Horsey looks mad-dle
he has horns that'll
impale all the demons
kill them while he runs
they'll kill eveyone
even the trees aren't safe
the killing has begun
1, 2, 3 strikes your dead.
make it rain bones
fall like the DOW Jones
that joke took me hours to write
try to hide the green light below,
or the giant demon will notice you are following.
and jump
use your throw hand
which also glows he must have suspision
you'll porbably fail this steath mission
who cares your freakin' Death
kill everyone
if you stab out one eye he's half as likely to see you
cut off his arm he's half as likely to hit you
your wings are pointless
but that scythe is overpowered
Death should be nerf'd
boss shakes the Earth
stick the landing where'd his clothes go?
Now they're even
except one has a mouth
show off.
Someone's gonna get a double dose of death.
Darkness breaks away to reveal Darksiders 2
Death lives

Crytek. Signal’s weak. EA, off, on, rotate. Helicopter fly away. Car alarm saved the day. Evacuation Manhattan sealed off. The best looking game on consoles CVG. Underwater liberty pan cut city. Night time cut to the beat, Pan stop. Signs say Invasion, Ship levitation bloom. PC Gamer’s mind got blown. Missile goes through the air to unleash some ownage. Gas masked guard guarding gas masked prisoners. Pull a girl away from her stylish visitor. 9 out of 10 from XBOX Mag editor. Missile to the left, missile to the right. Predator! Blow up the street snake, Or it becomes a tower snake. Curvy missile sends a metal dragon face into a bus. Shoot a bridge at night, and it ‘splodes in the daytime. Down goes the pylon. Airborne Cylon! Left arm pan up, Zoom into your helmet. Is that a friendly helicopter? Hell no. Missile threat. Jump! Be strong. Grab a gun, kick a dude. Jump attack. Jump out the window. Tank round slow mo. You will regret that (you’re dead). Be fast. Long jump through some glass. Shoot a robot’s crotch. That’s the strongest fire hydrant in the world Jump on glass. Be invisible to play hide and seek, or murder people jump out a window murder people hide in a park and murder people. evil ATSP shoot and slide shoot a bomb shoot a beach turn right shoot a tank like a tank tank see you in helecotor now its time to make a awesome pose dont mind the giant wave

Stargate, Ubisoft, SPARKLE
A white matrix picks a date
then faaaaaade
And peole say Rome wasn't bulit in a day-AH
BLOOM TRANSITION
The birds get the hell out of there
cause they know somethings going down
is he gonna die?
no it's a medium shot
Pan, zoom in slow-mo
Means he's the target
Mysterious hodded man watches
(from a distance)
Take a second to look awesome
Time to walk in slow motion
So you still look awesome
Guard just saw you
and he's gonna shoot you
But mind just keep looking AWESOME
that shadow will take care of him
WHITE!
Guard says "stop" just kill him with your awesome
Other got hit by an arrow so your good
PART THE RED SEA
hopefully those guards have good amour
No they don't maybe they do they
Theyyyyyyy don't
Now act like you didn't do it
There not bying it
Target comes out of his shelter
He's distracted by a feather
He's like "SHOOT ME"
He likes feathers
He looks up when he remembers
"OOH I LOVE BIRDS"
nod at the bird and people die
Everywhere people die
Target dosent die he's fine
Target sends horsemen to die
Kill the horse, the rider falls down
Kill the rider the rider falls down
Targets still fine
Target nods and some other guards
That were hiding in pillars come out
and take their formation
Then target pulls out his sword and goes to smell his sword
Not sure why
Then mysterious hooded man joined by
other hooded people
YOUR NEXT
RUUNNNNNING
RUNNNNNNNNNING

Fade into the left hand of a sleepy man how did he fall asleep there, Help up the sleepy hooded man thats what beds are for drag him cross the stone floorrr.. Front shot then a shot from the ceiling he could get carpet burned slow fade. Cut to white on a boat im looking ahead im holding on a rope...i am...nausious now im alone im walking away and im afraid of heights ohh **** howd i get up if i fall then id be died,i ade it down alright i feel great,OH GOD COME ON!whoever shot that arrows gonna pay enter bald guy with a cape,break the arrow off you can take a bald guy then you see the bald guy joined by some other guys.Run up,in slow motion,kick a guy in the head stab his friend spin around roll off,punch a face start out in slow motion first then use a speed hack,grab a sword,stab him in the back.get down just in time then slap him in the face friendly fires on aparentlly why unsheath your blade make them use there own time out let me get my weaps in slow mo I am the first X-man that jokes ahead of our time but you still gonna die who the hell is that guy the second X-man.Dont watch him walk away or you'll lose a hidden blade and get surrounded ohh white evil bald guy with a cape Exios plans his escape boss waits patiently Exios shakes free all the royal guards pee them selves main boss calls them off with his right hand,slow dramatic zoom pan doesnt phase the hooded man cape clad bald guy sentence exios to die then he sees altier from the first game he used to jump off those any way under each of those theres a bale of hay after you syncrinize leap of faith.Nod at the bird and people die everywhere people die.

I go to college...
But not for the education.
The government pays my tuition.
God bless this nation.
Heads turn when I walk in the room
'Cause I'm so classy, I sweat perfume.
Yeah, I'd prefer cologne, but... Whatever.
I wear so much ice
When I go for a walk
Once I fell in some lava,
It just turned into rock.
I got a lotta money,
I spend it at the store.
I purchase so frequent
My wallet gets sore.
Stretch it out.
Stretch it out next time.
I got so much dough
I buy shit I don't want,
Hell - even when I'm full,
I'll buy a croissant
With a combo meal
Make it super-sized,
'Cause my student loans is all subsidized.
Why not?
I go to college for the financial aid
Direct deposit's how I like to be paid
I got credit some cards, but I'm still pretty thrifty.
I pay that shit off,
My credit score's 850.
I go to college for the financial aid
I get so much money my bank's afraid,
And just when they think the cash flow has ended, no,
I get a scholarship for being left handed.
I get the Perkins loans, four grand a term,
You wanna borrow some money? Click yes to confirm?
Confirm? Are you kidding?
Click Click, DOUBLE CLICK!
Quick, put it in my pocket
Make my wallet get thick!
That's what I'm talkin' about.
But my conscience tells me,
When you pay loans back
That money comes out your pants.
Did you get any grants?
Did Vin Diesel break dance?
I got grants for GPA
And more for being Cherokee,
One for being Catholic,
Another one for heresy.
I got one for being French,
they paid me in Euros.
I got a pell grant so big
I'm being watched by the bureau.
I got one for being black,
'Twas a large amount.
Wait, he's not black...
I'm black where it counts.
I go to college for the financial aid
Direct deposit's how I like to be paid
I got some credit cards low APR,
Would you believe one swipe
Bought me this guitar?
I got to college for the financial aid
Like I said
That's all you need to know.
That's not all I bought -
One more swipe bought a round for the bar.
One more swipe bought a brand new car,
And one more swipe bought Myanmar...
That's a country.
One more swipe let me name a star.
I named a star...?
And I... I named it after you.
I go to college
But not for the education
The government pays my tuition (and then some)

I'm almost outta school,
Life couldn't be sweeter.
I just got chills,
MOM TURN ON THE HEATER!
MOM, could you turn on the heater?
After a High School degree,
Is my education through?
Hell no, I got debt to accrue!
Besides, think about it
I'm graduating in May
Do I wanna work or do I wanna delay?
DELAY!!!
I want to DELAY!!
My guidance counselor asked:
Have you thought of a career?
No, I'll be in school for the next 10 years.
DON'T RUSH ME!
High school thoughts about college
I'm just avoiding a job, I don't need to know knowledge
High school thoughts about college
Once I have a degree, employers have to acknowledge.
Right?
That's what I hear!
My Counselor asks, "What school are you leaning to."
Haven't thought about it, but I've been meaning to.
If it's next to the beach and the classes are cheap
And I'm able to pass while I'm half asleep
Then I'm in.
Any suggestions?
Community College? That's no fun.
Unless the girl to guy ratio is 3:1
Then submit my transcripts!
Then submit my transcripts!
Florida state, all my friends go there.
Do they offer my major?
Yeah, like I care.
The major doesn't matter, a degree is a degree.
The only one I wanna see is E to the Z baby!
Get it? EZ?
I can do math and have homework everyday of the week,
Or do English, a language I already speak.
So, uh, English! its a no-brainer
I want no homework, labs, or anything of the kind,
I want an open-book test, I can take online.
If the majors hard, I'll change it
That's called independence.
And if I sleep in, could you sign the attendance?
High school thoughts about college
I'm just avoiding a job, I don't need to know
knowledge!
High school thoughts about college
Once I have a degree, I'll know more words that rhyme
with college.
'Cause... I got two: Knowledge and acknowledge.
And that's kinda the same word.

[Parody of "Apologize" cover by Timbaland feat. OneRepublic]
It's been a couple years since Windows Vista came around
Since then I've gotten sick of that f---ing fatal error sound
And here comes Windows 7, everybody thinks it looks so great
Microsoft, I'm sorry, Vista sucked balls and I couldn't wait
It's too late, I got a Mac
It's too late
It's f---ing too late, I got a Mac
It's too late

Spinning tree, snow falling,
Superhero falling.
Heart battery's almost gone,
he's been getting picked on.
His life flashes before him.
Marvel
Paramountain
Reporters all swarm him.
He just wants to play with his toys...
Leave him be.
Pick up your room,
Wash your sheets in the (washing)War Machine.
Ash to ash,
dust to dust.
Helicopters pass.
Don't trust him in any movie.
If you're having problems
don't bring someone else
in the bedroom this April.
Blow up your suits,
cuz it's awkward now.
Hood flip,
Hot,
Red carpet.
Bad robot.
Step, grab, Kiss Ms. Potts.
Breath, PUNCH.
Cabin pressure compromised,
everybody gonna die.
('Cept the hot one)
Pepper cries.
Broken mask.
Gaudy rings.
Awkward.
Hot.
He hates his job.
Glowing through the fog.
Cock a pistol.
Helicopters lock and load a bunch of missles.
Tony senses something's up.
Slow-motion look up.
Helicopters want to throw a
house warming party.
Everyone's having a blast...(too soon?)
Surfing a mountain.
Does insurance cover a missle induced
EARTHQUAKE?!
Guess he doesn't have to clean his room now.
Don't let gravity bring you down...
Is this the intro from BioShock?
No, it's...Iron Man 3
Flicker...

We're just a couple of guys who are wearing visors in Hawaii
Now we're having a candlelit dinner waiter brought me Ahi
I said Mahi Mahi not Ahi but I bet that's a common mistake
When you take the order from a guy who stutters when he orders tuna steak
They freaking sound the same!
Why they name the fish like that?
Never mind lemme get to the point of the song
This fish steak tangent got me side tracked
We're a couple of guys on Hawaii
There's nothing wrong with a couple guys enjoying time together
We're a couple of guys in Hawaii
We're wearing beach shorts, sitting out enjoying the weather
We're spending New Years in Hawaii
New Years Hawa-ii with a guy he just my friend that's it, uh!
What you think about New Years Eve tradition?
Midnight happens, people start kissing
That's a tradition we'll be missing
Cause we are just friends
Maybe later we will talk to some honeys
Buy them some drinks with our money
But first we wanna count the stars
And trace them with our hands
Tell me why a couple guys looking up at the sky implies anything
Over than a deep deep friendship
Look me in the eyes and tell me why why
Tell me why why why wicka wicka wa why
Just a couple guys in Hawa- wa wa Hawa- wa wa wa wicka wicka wa wy
It's getting pretty cold if I told you I wanna hold you what that be too bold? Come here.
We're a couple of guys on Hawaii
There's nothing wrong with a couple guys enjoying time together
We're a couple of guys in Hawaii
We're wearing beach shorts, sitting out enjoying the weather
We're spending New Years in Hawaii