it is 2:48 am and i am feeling all sorts of horrible things as i write this description. i regret everything. the last two years of my life were wasted waiting and working for something i knew would never come to fruition. i lost sight of who i was for someone who never cared about me. she was using me and i knew she was and i let it happen anyways. anyways, i've been listening to this album nonstop for a little over a month now and while the tracks are all available individually on youtube i thought it'd be nice to have it all in one convenient video. click play to hear my heart break. WATCHING FROM A DISTANCE (0:00) Sometimes when I watch you, you seem like the same person that I once knew. And watch from a distance, but never able to do more than I ever would. Looking at you, I find again I am starving in your mystery. So far away and some kind of helplessness. And then I remember that I know you love me, I know you do. Sometimes when I listen to your fearless voice, it's the voice I once heard. I want to know you and understand you more than I fear I do. To keep the wonder, the moment you seem like a stranger to my heart and me. And all at once, in an instant I see you perfected again. Though you never change, please remember when you ever think of me. FOOTPRINTS (12:06) I am not feeling the green burning flame, as I gaze back along footprints you have made. I am not dreaming of more than you have shown. You're not a foundation, you are not a stone. But I'm afraid of the way that I'm feeling; afraid of this new understanding now; Afraid for the beauty within me, and that which I hold within my hand. And this is the ultimate secret, that many before me have ever known. So capture me while I am weakest; I want to know, I want to know. Here I am wide open, surrendering to your side. I have laid down my armour, I have no sword at my side. I leave behind me the ruins of the fortress I swore to defend; I leave behind me foundations; I'll leave you a man I'll need you to mend. And through all the battles around me I never believed I would fight. Yet here I stand, a broken soldier, shivering and naked, in your winter light. BRIDGES (19:37) In the darkness I unravel new truths I have suffered for so long to embrace. They will change me from here on. But I can't share it with anyone. I wish you were with me tonight. When I am not alone, I sever silent moments; building bridges with meaningless words and only feel the distance further. Remember being happy in our silence; I wish that you were with me tonight. I don't need a reason, there's nothing to explain. I can't reproach your leaving to justify my pain. But can I really understand. I wish you were with me tonight. I read over all you wrote me. The words mean so much more these days. They echo in my soul. They sting me like a bug. Can someone feel too much? I wish you were here with me tonight. FACES (31:07) I want to be master of my own emotions with a fire that fills me, but I don't understand myself and I don't know, I don't know what my heart is anymore. I don't want to be standing in this war through pity and responsibility. So come into my life with your violence and pain, 'cause I feel the depths of a love I've never known. Take a hold of my life, make it into one that I want it to be. Make a whole of my life, make my faces one that I want you to see. I can't stand to see confusion in your eyes, when I drift away sometimes, could I ever be more faithless in my life? For all the hope I've found in these days. It's always frightened me how some things lose their meaning, how some things changed direction with a breeze. Don't ask me where I am, I am trying to come home, but I can't keep myself from drifting. Take a hold of my life, make it into one that I want it to be. Make a whole of my life, make my faces one that I want you to see. Sometimes it makes me feel feelings which I never hoped to find. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm living out of time. Sometimes it makes me feel feelings which I never hoped to find. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm living out of time. ECHOES (39:39) I think of mornings we might spend if I came home to find you there. Both talking freely of ourselves, or sleeping through the break of day. And so much honesty, that's why I never feel the pain. And in my weakest moments I often look that way again. I think of evenings we might spend if you stayed home to find me there. Reaching across a distance with all the hurt that's in our lives. And if it came to be I would not understand the pain. And in my darkest moments, I want to feel that way again. And I know that I'm wrong, I know that I'm wrong. Both casting shadows, there's a light that shines on. But when I look into your eyes, I know I'll find it there. So I don't understand the pain I thought was never there. And when I see you smile, I know there's something stronger yet than any dream I ever placed at someone's feet.

• published: 12 Jun 2015
• views: 14391