The lowest point of last night's Republican debate/urinary tract infection wasn't the one you might imagine.
It wasn't when frontrunner Donald Trump, sensitive about remarks from Marco Rubio about the size of his hands, commented, "And he referred to my hands, if they are small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there is no problem. I guarantee." And when the nadir of a debate to help decide who will be the Leader of the Free Universe ain't "I promise you I've got a big dick," you're in big trouble.
Yet it wasn't when Trump, as if to prove that he's got a bigger dick, kept calling Rubio "Little Marco," like the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida could fit in Trump's dwarfish palms.
It wasn't when Trump kept talking over the other candidates whenever one mentioned his name, mocking them for having lower poll numbers than him, which is just another way to say, "I have a big dick."
It wasn't when Trump dismissed spittle-lipped Ted Cruz's attempts to paint him as a closeted Democrat. Trump said that donating to Harry Reid or Hillary Clinton was the price of doing business, which pretty much means that he expected something in return and no one asked him about that, which still wasn't the lowest point.
It wasn't when Trump refused to release off-the-record audio from an interview with the New York Times where, according to Cruz and Rubio, he allegedly said that he would be open to immigration reform.
It wasn't when Trump waved off all the facts that Fox "news," strangely attempting to practice journalism, threw at him in big graphics and video packages, as if any of those missiles could faze Godzilla.
It wasn't when Trump, a liar so well-practiced that he could jizz in your face and tell you it was someone else who did it, kept calling Cruz "Lyin' Ted."
It wasn't when Trump not only insisted that he would order the torture of prisoners and the murder of alleged terrorists' families, but that generals and soldiers would follow his orders (which, to be fair, of course they would). It wasn't even when Trump repeated the disproven lie that 9/11 hijackers' "families" got away.
It wasn't when Trump proclaimed, while lying about the civil suit over Trump University, that "I don't settle cases. I don't do it because that's why I don't get sued very often, because I don't settle, unlike a lot of other people." He said this even though just a little over two weeks ago, he settled his lawsuit with Univision over the Miss Universe pageant.
It wasn't when Trump was called a liar, a "con artist," someone "facing a fraud trial," a "disaster" for the Republican Party, a flip-flopper on the issues, and much, much more by the other candidates.
No, the lowest point of the sad dick fight that was last night's debate was when Cruz, Kasich, and Rubio all pussied out and said, as Kasich put it, "I will support whoever is the Republican nominee for president."
And that's game fuckin' over right there. None of the other insults, slights, or attacks matter because who the fuck cares if you're gonna get in line with the rest of the Trump ass-kissers to plant your lips on his tangerine-peel butt cheeks. None of the other three gave a shit, at the end of the day, that a wannabe war criminal, a fraud, a fake, and a fool would become the standard bearer of their party. No one had the guts to say, even, "Fuck him. I just won't vote," let alone, "I'd run as an independent against him."
So this debate is what the GOP deserves, a worthless sword fight between micropenises stretched to breaking so they can get in a few pathetic swats.
3/03/2016
Samuel Alito: Supreme Dick (A Short One)
Yesterday's Supreme Court hearing was on the insultingly dumb Texas law requiring family planning clinics where abortions are performed to meet rigid standards that virtually no other medical clinic where outpatient procedures are done must meet. The three women justices kicked so much ass that asses miles away felt it. Justices Ginsberg, Sotomayor, and Kagan, along with liberal male Justice Breyer, were all over Texas Solicitor General Scott Keller, taking apart the absurdity of his argument that the closure of all but 10 clinics in the entirety of Texas wasn't an "undue burden" on the women of the huge fucking state.
Of course, back on the conservative side, Clarence Thomas didn't say a goddamned thing, having gone back into a decade-long hibernation, like a particularly dumb and cruel cicada. Anthony Kennedy was at his weaselly peak in figuring out how not to make a decision. And John Roberts attempted to undo the arguments of clinics' attorney Stephanie Toti. The ghost of Antonin Scalia was screaming from Hell.
But the king dickhead of the day was Samuel Alito, the bespectacled worm of the court. Alito took it upon himself to try to get Toti to admit that the clinics didn't close because of the law. This mattered to him more than the lives of the women or the distance they had to travel or the money they had to spend or anything else, even though he was utterly fucking wrong:
JUSTICE ALITO: Well, there is very little specific evidence in the record in this case with respect to why any particular clinic closed. Basically, your argument is that the law took effect, and after that point, there was a decrease in the number of clinics...As to how many, of the total that you claim closed, do you have direct evidence about the reason for the closure?
MS. TOTI: Well, 11 of them, Your Honor, closed on the day that the admitting privileges took effect.
JUSTICE ALITO: Yeah. And as to how many...how many are you claiming total closed as a result of the law?
MS. TOTI: To...to date, roughly 20 clinics have closed.
JUSTICE ALITO: And of the 20, how...as to how many do you have direct evidence?
MS. TOTI: I...approximately 12, Your Honor, direct evidence.
JUSTICE ALITO: Because if...if you go through this now we're not talking about a huge number of facilities.
A few minutes later, Justice Kagan punched Alito right in the nutsack when she said, "Is it right that in the two-week period that the ASC requirement was in effect, that over a dozen facilities shut their doors, and then when that was stayed, when that was lifted, they reopened again immediately?" Toti said that was true. Kagan then put mighty fist to tiny balls as she concluded, "It's almost like the perfect controlled experiment as to the effect of the law, isn’t it? It’s like you put the law into effect, 12 clinics closed. You take the law out of effect, they reopen?"
Who knows how this will go at this point. But, obviously, there could be a law called "Keep That Fuckin' Baby, Whore of Babylon" and Alito would justify it somehow.
Of course, back on the conservative side, Clarence Thomas didn't say a goddamned thing, having gone back into a decade-long hibernation, like a particularly dumb and cruel cicada. Anthony Kennedy was at his weaselly peak in figuring out how not to make a decision. And John Roberts attempted to undo the arguments of clinics' attorney Stephanie Toti. The ghost of Antonin Scalia was screaming from Hell.
But the king dickhead of the day was Samuel Alito, the bespectacled worm of the court. Alito took it upon himself to try to get Toti to admit that the clinics didn't close because of the law. This mattered to him more than the lives of the women or the distance they had to travel or the money they had to spend or anything else, even though he was utterly fucking wrong:
JUSTICE ALITO: Well, there is very little specific evidence in the record in this case with respect to why any particular clinic closed. Basically, your argument is that the law took effect, and after that point, there was a decrease in the number of clinics...As to how many, of the total that you claim closed, do you have direct evidence about the reason for the closure?
MS. TOTI: Well, 11 of them, Your Honor, closed on the day that the admitting privileges took effect.
JUSTICE ALITO: Yeah. And as to how many...how many are you claiming total closed as a result of the law?
MS. TOTI: To...to date, roughly 20 clinics have closed.
JUSTICE ALITO: And of the 20, how...as to how many do you have direct evidence?
MS. TOTI: I...approximately 12, Your Honor, direct evidence.
JUSTICE ALITO: Because if...if you go through this now we're not talking about a huge number of facilities.
A few minutes later, Justice Kagan punched Alito right in the nutsack when she said, "Is it right that in the two-week period that the ASC requirement was in effect, that over a dozen facilities shut their doors, and then when that was stayed, when that was lifted, they reopened again immediately?" Toti said that was true. Kagan then put mighty fist to tiny balls as she concluded, "It's almost like the perfect controlled experiment as to the effect of the law, isn’t it? It’s like you put the law into effect, 12 clinics closed. You take the law out of effect, they reopen?"
Who knows how this will go at this point. But, obviously, there could be a law called "Keep That Fuckin' Baby, Whore of Babylon" and Alito would justify it somehow.
3/02/2016
Post-Super Tuesday Observations: Our Trump Overlord Will Turn Us All Into Soul-Drained Chris Christies
1.
You know how when you see the secondary villain in a movie have some horrible fate befall him or her? You know how you feel when, for instance, that guy is ass-raped by a gorilla in Trading Places? You laugh, then you feel terrible for him for a moment, and then you think, "No, fuck that dude. He was gonna shoot our heroes. He deserves some ape dick."
Yeah, that's pretty much how the Rude Pundit felt watching Gov. Chris Christie standing behind Donald Trump while Trump gave another of his stream of (barely) consciousness self-congratulatory speeches after winning a bunch of the primaries last night on Super Tuesday (which is a dumb goddamn name for anything that adults are supposed to be involved in). Whatever Christie was thinking, whether it was "I might have helped burn the country to the ground" or "I hope he doesn't talk too long so I can get more hot wings," being backseat bitch to the alpha dog of assholery is everything he deserves.
2. Republicans are not going to go to "war" or tear themselves up over Donald Trump as their nominee. They aren't going to flee from him in great numbers. They aren't going to disavow him. They are going to line the fuck up like the brainless loyal tools that they are, climbing over each other to see who gets to cup his balls in their mouth for a little while.
And the reason is simple: When is the last time you saw the Republicans admit they were wrong? Except for Trump, these motherfuckers refuse to outright condemn George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Right now, they're talking a good game about distancing themselves from the expected nominee. But once Cruz drops out, most of those voters are going to head for Trump. And when Trump starts breaking 50%, the Republican establishment would rather kiss Trump's tangerine ass than deal with the ramifications of fighting him.
They're Republicans, after all. It's Democrats who rip each other to shreds at times like this. For some in the GOP, frankly, Trump has to be liberating, like "Oh, thank Christ, I don't have to pretend I'm not racist anymore."
3. On CNN last night, a fucked-up but telling moment occurred during the coverage of the returns. Trump surrogate Jeffrey Lord, who should be in a picture dictionary under "old white man," and Democratic activist Van Jones, both regulars on CNN, went at each other about Trump's difficulties with race. Jones was talking about Trump not immediately disavowing the KKK when Lord countered with Obama and Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who said a few sketchy things that were supposed to prove that Obama hated white people or something back in 2008. Jones responded, "Reverend Wright never lynched anybody. Reverend Wright never killed anybody." This led to Lord declaring that the Klan was "the military arm, the terrorist arm of the Democratic Party," which is true if American history ended in the 1960s.
The back-and-forth continued, with Jones bringing up Trump's long history of hating non-white people: "That whole thing with the Central [Park] jogger kids, he got the entire City of New York whipped up on this idea that these kids had done something wrong. And then when they are trying -- and they were innocent, we all make mistakes...He never apologized to those kids. And that's a stain on him. And you can walk through time after time where he has done stuff like that. The stuff about Native Americans being, you know, a criminal organizations and Mafia."
Lord answered with something that made the Rude Pundit wish he could reach into his television and punch Lord right in his dick. He said, "But, Van, what you're doing right here, what you're doing here is dividing people. We're all Americans here, Van...You are dividing people. This is what liberals do. You are dividing people by race...This is what liberalism is all about."
So liberals are dividing people by pointing out the divisive and racist comments of conservatives. That's pretty much the CNN version of "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself." It's a stunning logical leap that absolves any racist of guilt. No, it actually turns the guilt around and places it on anyone who would dare to call out bigotry. We shouldn't say that the KKK was and is a group of terrorists who despise blacks and Jews and Hispanics and anyone not like them. No, that's divisive. We should say that the KKK is a group of terrorists who hate Americans, even if that statement is just fucking stupid.
Jones couldn't even respond to Lord's next statement, which was about the violence committed by the KKK: "[T]hey did it to further the progressive agenda. Hello?" You got that? Because the post-Reconstruction south was run by racist Democrats, anything they did was "progressive." Then, as if to add salt to the fucking wound he had already packed with bullshit, Lord said, "We have to be passionate about making sure, as Robert Kennedy used to say, that this country is color blind."
This is an article of faith among many conservatives: Democrats in the south were once racists who worked to prevent civil rights for African Americans; therefore, the Republican Party, the Party of Lincoln, is the one that actually cares about racial justice in this country. Of course, that's an incomplete telling of the story of what happened to freed slaves in the south after the Civil War. It leaves out the way that Republicans totally dicked them over in order to consolidate power and please northern capitalists during an economic depression.
You know who ended Reconstruction, part of which was assuring that blacks could have full participation in the running of the south, including the presence of the military? It was fucking Republican presidents. First, Ulysses S. Grant pulled back some on intervening in Southern affairs (even though he used troops to enforce federal actions), and then, as part of the deal that made him president, Rutherford B. Hayes removed Union troops from the region, leaving the white racist Democrats to have free rein to enact crazy-ass laws that created a new kind of slavery for black southerners. In other words, everyone fucked them over. You don't get to declare that your party was somehow clean because of the actions of Lincoln but leave out Hayes.
By the way, that paraphrase of Robert Kennedy on a color blind country is actually RFK quoting Justice John Harlan's dissent in Plessy v. Ferguson, the decision that affirmed those crazy-ass Jim Crow laws and damned the south to nearly a century of backwards fuckery. Kennedy (and Harlan) declared that "Our Constitution is color blind," not the country. That's a big fucking difference. And the rest of Kennedy's speech where he said that in 1963 was about how African Americans got a raw deal economically and socially and that the government needed to enact laws to change that. Or, you know, divisive shit.
By the way, you know who wrote the Plessy decision? Justice Henry Brown, who was appointed by Benjamin Harrison, a Republican.
Yeah, the Republican Party is the party for Trump, almost like it's been waiting for him.
5. Oh, right, Hillary and Bernie each won some stuff.
You know how when you see the secondary villain in a movie have some horrible fate befall him or her? You know how you feel when, for instance, that guy is ass-raped by a gorilla in Trading Places? You laugh, then you feel terrible for him for a moment, and then you think, "No, fuck that dude. He was gonna shoot our heroes. He deserves some ape dick."
Yeah, that's pretty much how the Rude Pundit felt watching Gov. Chris Christie standing behind Donald Trump while Trump gave another of his stream of (barely) consciousness self-congratulatory speeches after winning a bunch of the primaries last night on Super Tuesday (which is a dumb goddamn name for anything that adults are supposed to be involved in). Whatever Christie was thinking, whether it was "I might have helped burn the country to the ground" or "I hope he doesn't talk too long so I can get more hot wings," being backseat bitch to the alpha dog of assholery is everything he deserves.
2. Republicans are not going to go to "war" or tear themselves up over Donald Trump as their nominee. They aren't going to flee from him in great numbers. They aren't going to disavow him. They are going to line the fuck up like the brainless loyal tools that they are, climbing over each other to see who gets to cup his balls in their mouth for a little while.
And the reason is simple: When is the last time you saw the Republicans admit they were wrong? Except for Trump, these motherfuckers refuse to outright condemn George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Right now, they're talking a good game about distancing themselves from the expected nominee. But once Cruz drops out, most of those voters are going to head for Trump. And when Trump starts breaking 50%, the Republican establishment would rather kiss Trump's tangerine ass than deal with the ramifications of fighting him.
They're Republicans, after all. It's Democrats who rip each other to shreds at times like this. For some in the GOP, frankly, Trump has to be liberating, like "Oh, thank Christ, I don't have to pretend I'm not racist anymore."
3. On CNN last night, a fucked-up but telling moment occurred during the coverage of the returns. Trump surrogate Jeffrey Lord, who should be in a picture dictionary under "old white man," and Democratic activist Van Jones, both regulars on CNN, went at each other about Trump's difficulties with race. Jones was talking about Trump not immediately disavowing the KKK when Lord countered with Obama and Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who said a few sketchy things that were supposed to prove that Obama hated white people or something back in 2008. Jones responded, "Reverend Wright never lynched anybody. Reverend Wright never killed anybody." This led to Lord declaring that the Klan was "the military arm, the terrorist arm of the Democratic Party," which is true if American history ended in the 1960s.
The back-and-forth continued, with Jones bringing up Trump's long history of hating non-white people: "That whole thing with the Central [Park] jogger kids, he got the entire City of New York whipped up on this idea that these kids had done something wrong. And then when they are trying -- and they were innocent, we all make mistakes...He never apologized to those kids. And that's a stain on him. And you can walk through time after time where he has done stuff like that. The stuff about Native Americans being, you know, a criminal organizations and Mafia."
Lord answered with something that made the Rude Pundit wish he could reach into his television and punch Lord right in his dick. He said, "But, Van, what you're doing right here, what you're doing here is dividing people. We're all Americans here, Van...You are dividing people. This is what liberals do. You are dividing people by race...This is what liberalism is all about."
So liberals are dividing people by pointing out the divisive and racist comments of conservatives. That's pretty much the CNN version of "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself." It's a stunning logical leap that absolves any racist of guilt. No, it actually turns the guilt around and places it on anyone who would dare to call out bigotry. We shouldn't say that the KKK was and is a group of terrorists who despise blacks and Jews and Hispanics and anyone not like them. No, that's divisive. We should say that the KKK is a group of terrorists who hate Americans, even if that statement is just fucking stupid.
Jones couldn't even respond to Lord's next statement, which was about the violence committed by the KKK: "[T]hey did it to further the progressive agenda. Hello?" You got that? Because the post-Reconstruction south was run by racist Democrats, anything they did was "progressive." Then, as if to add salt to the fucking wound he had already packed with bullshit, Lord said, "We have to be passionate about making sure, as Robert Kennedy used to say, that this country is color blind."
This is an article of faith among many conservatives: Democrats in the south were once racists who worked to prevent civil rights for African Americans; therefore, the Republican Party, the Party of Lincoln, is the one that actually cares about racial justice in this country. Of course, that's an incomplete telling of the story of what happened to freed slaves in the south after the Civil War. It leaves out the way that Republicans totally dicked them over in order to consolidate power and please northern capitalists during an economic depression.
You know who ended Reconstruction, part of which was assuring that blacks could have full participation in the running of the south, including the presence of the military? It was fucking Republican presidents. First, Ulysses S. Grant pulled back some on intervening in Southern affairs (even though he used troops to enforce federal actions), and then, as part of the deal that made him president, Rutherford B. Hayes removed Union troops from the region, leaving the white racist Democrats to have free rein to enact crazy-ass laws that created a new kind of slavery for black southerners. In other words, everyone fucked them over. You don't get to declare that your party was somehow clean because of the actions of Lincoln but leave out Hayes.
By the way, that paraphrase of Robert Kennedy on a color blind country is actually RFK quoting Justice John Harlan's dissent in Plessy v. Ferguson, the decision that affirmed those crazy-ass Jim Crow laws and damned the south to nearly a century of backwards fuckery. Kennedy (and Harlan) declared that "Our Constitution is color blind," not the country. That's a big fucking difference. And the rest of Kennedy's speech where he said that in 1963 was about how African Americans got a raw deal economically and socially and that the government needed to enact laws to change that. Or, you know, divisive shit.
By the way, you know who wrote the Plessy decision? Justice Henry Brown, who was appointed by Benjamin Harrison, a Republican.
Yeah, the Republican Party is the party for Trump, almost like it's been waiting for him.
5. Oh, right, Hillary and Bernie each won some stuff.
3/01/2016
New York Times Conservatives Refuse to Blame Republicans for Trump's Rise
Last Friday, David Brooks, in his New York Times "column" (if by "column," you mean, "the gurgles of drowning elitism"), sought to find the source of the River Trump that is flooding the Republican areas of the country right now. Brooks locates that lake high in the mountains of what he perceives as a general dismay with politics. "Over the past generation we have seen the rise of a group of people who are against politics," Brooks writes. "These groups — best exemplified by the Tea Party but not exclusive to the right — want to elect people who have no political experience. They want 'outsiders.' They delegitimize compromise and deal-making. They’re willing to trample the customs and rules that give legitimacy to legislative decision-making if it helps them gain power."
The entire column is 99% about Republicans, just Republicans, especially conservative Republicans. But, in what might be a nadir of both-sides-do-it-ism, Brooks never allows that the "cancer" exists more or less exclusively on the right side of the body politic. Look at what he says: "They suffer from a form of political narcissism, in which they don’t accept the legitimacy of other interests and opinions. They don’t recognize restraints. They want total victories for themselves and their doctrine...The antipolitics people elect legislators who have no political skills or experience...The antipolitics people refuse compromise and so block the legislative process."
That motherfucker contorts himself like he's attempting auto-analingus. Every single thing in Brooks's list of the politically damned is a description of how Republicans, and Republicans alone, have governed. In the minority in the Senate, they rewrote the rules on the passage of legislation so that filibuster was the default setting, not the extraordinary exception. Republicans got a whole bunch of yahoos and ideologues and evangelicals and other various and sundry cock mites elected, legislators for whom "compromise" is the same as "shit-eating." And they've attempted at every turn to delegitimize the twice-elected president. Don't fucking blame the person smoking a joint for burning down the house when there's an asshole with a flamethrower and an empty tank of gasoline standing right fucking there.
Brooks gets to Fucknut of the Hour by saying, "Trump is the culmination of the trends we have been seeing for the last 30 years: the desire for outsiders; the bashing style of rhetoric that makes conversation impossible; the decline of coherent political parties; the declining importance of policy; the tendency to fight cultural battles and identity wars through political means." Again, almost all of that shit is attributable to Republicans, with Democrats winning...what? Gay marriage? And fuckin' Trump ain't running on opposition to that.
Then, on Sunday, the other New York Times conservative, Ross Douche-hat...Douthat decided that we have Donald Trump because that Barack Obama is such a dick. He wants everyone to recognize "the way that Obama-era trends in liberal politics have helped feed the Trump phenomenon." Obama has pushed the nation to a more authoritarian path because, well, shit because he has: "Having once campaigned against his predecessor’s power grabs, the current president has expanded executive authority along almost every dimension: launching wars without congressional approval, claiming the power to assassinate American citizens, and using every available end-around to make domestic policy without any support from Congress."
Leaving out that Obama has put out fewer executive orders than any president since, at least, Franklin Roosevelt (he's issued fewer than one-term presidents Ford, Carter, and Bush I), once again it needs to be said that, as far as domestic policy goes, Obama has had a Congress that, for most of his presidency, has pushed every legislative battle to crisis until, finally, it simply refused to do jackshit. Frankly, Obama could have gone far, far further on the domestic front and said, "Suck my balls and take me to the Supreme Court, jagoffs."
Of course, Douthat barely mentions the racism in the equation, in both the opposition to Obama and the rise of Trump. It's easier to say that white working class voters are abandoning the Democratic Party because "Obama has made moves that effectively slam the door on them: His energy policies, his immigration gambits, his gun control push, his shift to offense on same-sex marriage and abortion," not that they're mostly just fucking racists who are looking for an excuse so they don't have to just say they're racists (although Trump is allowing them to finally go, "Okay, fine, we're just fucking racists.")
The conservatives of the New York Times are desperately trying to rescue a party and an ideology that are being murdered before their eyes. Brooks and Douthat are denying that what they have believed has led to this moment in American political history. It has to be something else. They couldn't be wrong. Dear God, they couldn't be.
The entire column is 99% about Republicans, just Republicans, especially conservative Republicans. But, in what might be a nadir of both-sides-do-it-ism, Brooks never allows that the "cancer" exists more or less exclusively on the right side of the body politic. Look at what he says: "They suffer from a form of political narcissism, in which they don’t accept the legitimacy of other interests and opinions. They don’t recognize restraints. They want total victories for themselves and their doctrine...The antipolitics people elect legislators who have no political skills or experience...The antipolitics people refuse compromise and so block the legislative process."
That motherfucker contorts himself like he's attempting auto-analingus. Every single thing in Brooks's list of the politically damned is a description of how Republicans, and Republicans alone, have governed. In the minority in the Senate, they rewrote the rules on the passage of legislation so that filibuster was the default setting, not the extraordinary exception. Republicans got a whole bunch of yahoos and ideologues and evangelicals and other various and sundry cock mites elected, legislators for whom "compromise" is the same as "shit-eating." And they've attempted at every turn to delegitimize the twice-elected president. Don't fucking blame the person smoking a joint for burning down the house when there's an asshole with a flamethrower and an empty tank of gasoline standing right fucking there.
Brooks gets to Fucknut of the Hour by saying, "Trump is the culmination of the trends we have been seeing for the last 30 years: the desire for outsiders; the bashing style of rhetoric that makes conversation impossible; the decline of coherent political parties; the declining importance of policy; the tendency to fight cultural battles and identity wars through political means." Again, almost all of that shit is attributable to Republicans, with Democrats winning...what? Gay marriage? And fuckin' Trump ain't running on opposition to that.
Then, on Sunday, the other New York Times conservative, Ross Douche-hat...Douthat decided that we have Donald Trump because that Barack Obama is such a dick. He wants everyone to recognize "the way that Obama-era trends in liberal politics have helped feed the Trump phenomenon." Obama has pushed the nation to a more authoritarian path because, well, shit because he has: "Having once campaigned against his predecessor’s power grabs, the current president has expanded executive authority along almost every dimension: launching wars without congressional approval, claiming the power to assassinate American citizens, and using every available end-around to make domestic policy without any support from Congress."
Leaving out that Obama has put out fewer executive orders than any president since, at least, Franklin Roosevelt (he's issued fewer than one-term presidents Ford, Carter, and Bush I), once again it needs to be said that, as far as domestic policy goes, Obama has had a Congress that, for most of his presidency, has pushed every legislative battle to crisis until, finally, it simply refused to do jackshit. Frankly, Obama could have gone far, far further on the domestic front and said, "Suck my balls and take me to the Supreme Court, jagoffs."
Of course, Douthat barely mentions the racism in the equation, in both the opposition to Obama and the rise of Trump. It's easier to say that white working class voters are abandoning the Democratic Party because "Obama has made moves that effectively slam the door on them: His energy policies, his immigration gambits, his gun control push, his shift to offense on same-sex marriage and abortion," not that they're mostly just fucking racists who are looking for an excuse so they don't have to just say they're racists (although Trump is allowing them to finally go, "Okay, fine, we're just fucking racists.")
The conservatives of the New York Times are desperately trying to rescue a party and an ideology that are being murdered before their eyes. Brooks and Douthat are denying that what they have believed has led to this moment in American political history. It has to be something else. They couldn't be wrong. Dear God, they couldn't be.
2/29/2016
Regarding Trump, the Media Has a Fundamental Misunderstanding of How Stupid Americans Really Are
On his show Last Week Tonight, host John Oliver finally did something that lives up to the Buzzfeed-type headlines of "destroyed" or "obliterated." Those words are usually applied to some mild criticism levied at a public figure or issue by some comedian and are almost always entirely inaccurate. However, last night, Oliver really, truly reamed Donald Trump, savagely ripping apart every myth about him like a horny rhino rampage fucking everything on the plain. It was angry and cathartic, with Oliver not just dropping the mic after he was done but tossing it over his shoulder like he was throwing out the trash. The Rude Pundit orgasmed multiple times and so will you.
It should be one of several things this weekend that, at long last, bring to an end to the abject monstrosity that is the Trump campaign for the Republican nomination for President. Seriously, what the fuck else can happen? Earlier on Sunday, Trump refused to condemn a white supremacist (who he later disavowed in the most dickish, dismissive way possible after pressure), as if one should have any answer than "Hell, yes" when asked, "Do you hate the KKK?" How could his unbelievably crass and borderline violent campaign not be over?
Except it won't. It won't even put a dent in his support, which is now approaching 50% of GOP voters. It's not like those voters didn't think Trump was a racist before. It's not like they care what anyone but Trump says about Trump's wealth or his honesty or his past beliefs. No, something else is happening.
The Rude Pundit wants to posit something here about the American people, not in the psychobabble of David Brooks on a behavioral therapy bender. Think of this as a sequel to last week's plea to voters on Trump. It's very simple, actually: A lot of the American people are stupid. And no matter how much you try to tell them that something is ethically awful, morally corrupt, or just plain bad for you, stupid people don't fucking care because they are stupid.
Sometimes, stupid works in your favor. Stupid people like to be part of crowds of other stupid people. It goes for movies, music, TV shows, and elections, among most everything in life. And if you happen to support the same candidate as the stupid people, then all blessings of success come your way. In other words, if you're popular, people want to jump on the popularity train. Back in 2008, everyone knew people who were just voting for Obama because they "liked" him, not because they understood a goddamn thing about his campaign proposals. There was no reason to question anyone's motives if they're on your side. Who cares why your candidate wins, just as long as he or she does win?
In a conversation on Friday, the Rude Pundit's Doorman pal said he was stunned at how popular Trump had become. The Rude Pundit replied, "Why do people still watch Adam Sandler movies? If he shit out Grown-Ups 3, it'd be a hit." He went on to talk about how Adam Sandler's career explains the reason why Donald Trump is going to be the Republican nominee. Sure, Sandler's had some box office duds, but that hasn't dimmed the brand of "Adam Sandler." In fact, his wretched shitpile of a film, The Ridiculous 6, is the most-watched movie ever on Netflix. It's not that Ridiculous 6 is any better than Pixels (or so this blogger hears); however, the latter film requires a price of admission while the former is, more or less, free.
So is voting. And if you're someone who always thought that "Trump" represented some essential marker of success that you could never be a part of, well, maybe by supporting and voting for Donald Trump, you can have that piece of "Trump" that you always wanted. That's something that goes beyond politics and into what we might call "transcendent." Why play the lottery? Because you think you might win. Why believe in God? Because you're betting on getting into heaven after death. Once faith enters the equation, you can no longer make a rational argument against it. You are now dealing with stupid people (and we are all stupid at different times in our lives).
The major media outlets appear to believe that they can dig something up to turn the Trump train around. That is a fundamental misunderstanding of the unbelievable stupidity of Americans. If they media learns that, if they learn that things like "reason" and "logic" don't matter one bit, then someone might be able to figure out the contortionist jujitsu required to defeat Trump.
Or don't. At the end of the day, the Rude Pundit doesn't care much. The Republican Party is ripping itself to shreds at last. Trump ain't gonna beat Hillary. Surely, we're not that stupid. Right?
Shit.
It should be one of several things this weekend that, at long last, bring to an end to the abject monstrosity that is the Trump campaign for the Republican nomination for President. Seriously, what the fuck else can happen? Earlier on Sunday, Trump refused to condemn a white supremacist (who he later disavowed in the most dickish, dismissive way possible after pressure), as if one should have any answer than "Hell, yes" when asked, "Do you hate the KKK?" How could his unbelievably crass and borderline violent campaign not be over?
Except it won't. It won't even put a dent in his support, which is now approaching 50% of GOP voters. It's not like those voters didn't think Trump was a racist before. It's not like they care what anyone but Trump says about Trump's wealth or his honesty or his past beliefs. No, something else is happening.
The Rude Pundit wants to posit something here about the American people, not in the psychobabble of David Brooks on a behavioral therapy bender. Think of this as a sequel to last week's plea to voters on Trump. It's very simple, actually: A lot of the American people are stupid. And no matter how much you try to tell them that something is ethically awful, morally corrupt, or just plain bad for you, stupid people don't fucking care because they are stupid.
Sometimes, stupid works in your favor. Stupid people like to be part of crowds of other stupid people. It goes for movies, music, TV shows, and elections, among most everything in life. And if you happen to support the same candidate as the stupid people, then all blessings of success come your way. In other words, if you're popular, people want to jump on the popularity train. Back in 2008, everyone knew people who were just voting for Obama because they "liked" him, not because they understood a goddamn thing about his campaign proposals. There was no reason to question anyone's motives if they're on your side. Who cares why your candidate wins, just as long as he or she does win?
In a conversation on Friday, the Rude Pundit's Doorman pal said he was stunned at how popular Trump had become. The Rude Pundit replied, "Why do people still watch Adam Sandler movies? If he shit out Grown-Ups 3, it'd be a hit." He went on to talk about how Adam Sandler's career explains the reason why Donald Trump is going to be the Republican nominee. Sure, Sandler's had some box office duds, but that hasn't dimmed the brand of "Adam Sandler." In fact, his wretched shitpile of a film, The Ridiculous 6, is the most-watched movie ever on Netflix. It's not that Ridiculous 6 is any better than Pixels (or so this blogger hears); however, the latter film requires a price of admission while the former is, more or less, free.
So is voting. And if you're someone who always thought that "Trump" represented some essential marker of success that you could never be a part of, well, maybe by supporting and voting for Donald Trump, you can have that piece of "Trump" that you always wanted. That's something that goes beyond politics and into what we might call "transcendent." Why play the lottery? Because you think you might win. Why believe in God? Because you're betting on getting into heaven after death. Once faith enters the equation, you can no longer make a rational argument against it. You are now dealing with stupid people (and we are all stupid at different times in our lives).
The major media outlets appear to believe that they can dig something up to turn the Trump train around. That is a fundamental misunderstanding of the unbelievable stupidity of Americans. If they media learns that, if they learn that things like "reason" and "logic" don't matter one bit, then someone might be able to figure out the contortionist jujitsu required to defeat Trump.
Or don't. At the end of the day, the Rude Pundit doesn't care much. The Republican Party is ripping itself to shreds at last. Trump ain't gonna beat Hillary. Surely, we're not that stupid. Right?
Shit.
2/26/2016
Random Observations on Last Night's GOP Fisting Fest
At last night's Republican debate/hate-fisting fest, you could say, if you were so inclined, that Sen. Marco Rubio "won," if by "won," you mean, "Still had his pants on and his ass was relatively unspanked." Sure, why not? You could talk about the good jabs he got in on sentient stainless steel dildo Donald Trump, especially the upcoming civil case about "Trump University," the farcical con job perpetrated by Trump on his most desperate fans. You could nod in agreement when Rubio challenged Trump to explain a health care plan alternative to the Affordable Care Act. You could laugh along as Rubio accused Trump of his own mortal sin: repetition without awareness.
You could have a jolly time pretending that any of it mattered in the least. Because, see, in the world we are damned to exist in now, Rubio didn't lay a glove on Trump. Putting aside that it's truly hilarious that any Republican would criticize any other Republican for not having a credible health coverage proposal, and putting aside that Rubio gave a smug, dickish self-satisfied smile whenever he thought he got in a good line, like a home-schooled spelling bee champ who got the word right, Rubio accomplished virtually nothing beyond avoiding another week of headlines about how much Marco Rubio sucks at debating.
The content of the debate is meaningless since none of the candidates said anything that approached a workable, genuine "plan" on anything. Trump went on about his imaginary wall and immigrants, Ted Cruz batted at the phantoms of liberal hottentots storming the gates of his nice country, Rubio did his usual best to sound vaguely rational while talking about completely bugnuts shit, John Kasich responded to everything like he just got out of electroshock therapy (and had the haircut to prove it), and there is a rumor that Ben Carson was there. Let's not waste any time talking about how full of shit they all were other than to say, "Yeah, they were all full of shit."
Instead, look at this exchange:
"Trump: If people -- my plan is very simple. I will not -- we're going to have private -- we are going to have health care, but I will not allow people to die on the sidewalks and the streets of our country if I'm president. You may let it and you may be fine with it...
"Cruz: So does the government pay for everyone's health care?
"Trump: ... I'm not fine with it. We are going to take those people...
"Cruz: Yes or no. Just answer the question.
"Trump: Excuse me. We are going to take those people and those people are going to be serviced by doctors and hospitals. We're going to make great deals on it, but we're not going to let them die in the streets.
"Cruz: Who pays for it?"
It's not a stretch to say that Cruz is implying that he's fine with people dying "on the sidewalks and streets" as long as the nation doesn't have to pay for their health care. What passed for compassion at the Republican debate was stating that Americans should be able to stay alive. Greatest country in the history forever. That's the level of unrepentant fuckery at which we're playing here.
Trump really won because none of the candidates have even the slightest understanding about where Trump's support comes from. Rubio thought he could undermine Trump by showing how the supposed mogul's business dealings are shady at best and illegal at worst. Cruz tried to paint Trump as a Democrat in elephant drag, a fake conservative who would destroy conservative principles (which, apparently, involve immediately deporting children and letting poor people die while bombing other nations).
Both of their campaigns have fundamentally failed to grasp that Trump is in the lead simply because he's Trump. That's got little to do with Trump's experience or his politics beyond "He hates who I hate." It's just fuckin' cult of personality. People want to be with the dude who thinks he's a winner no matter how much of a loser he might be. You know how in high school there was a loudmouth dickhead football player who was verbally abusive and a buffoon but somehow had tons of friends and got all the tail? Yeah, that guy. That's Trump. Meanwhile, Rubio acts like an altar boy who's upset that he's the only one not molested by the priest. Cruz is the prick who wanted so badly to be the class clown but is just a cruel prankster whose asshole dad thinks he's funny.
So let's stop with the pretense that last night's debate did a goddamn thing. Republicans better accept their Trumpish overlord or get the fuck out.
The real story from last night is how fucking worthless Wolf Blitzer was as a moderator. He got steamrolled time and again, had no control over the candidates, pathetically attempted to keep things on track, barely asked follow-ups, and was a quivering, useless lump of flesh with white stubble by the end. On top of that, frightening Hugh Hewitt, who looks like a poorly-healed burn victim, attempted to get the candidates to agree to a "litmus test" of Supreme Court candidates on "religious liberty," which means something like "Don't make Christians follow the Constitution." How is that even a question at a supposedly "mainstream" debate?
Another disgraceful evening in the Republican primary season is over. Let's all have fruit salad and hang out with Polish workers and try to forget that the future of the nation might end up in the slime-encrusted hands of one of these ethical lepers.
You could have a jolly time pretending that any of it mattered in the least. Because, see, in the world we are damned to exist in now, Rubio didn't lay a glove on Trump. Putting aside that it's truly hilarious that any Republican would criticize any other Republican for not having a credible health coverage proposal, and putting aside that Rubio gave a smug, dickish self-satisfied smile whenever he thought he got in a good line, like a home-schooled spelling bee champ who got the word right, Rubio accomplished virtually nothing beyond avoiding another week of headlines about how much Marco Rubio sucks at debating.
The content of the debate is meaningless since none of the candidates said anything that approached a workable, genuine "plan" on anything. Trump went on about his imaginary wall and immigrants, Ted Cruz batted at the phantoms of liberal hottentots storming the gates of his nice country, Rubio did his usual best to sound vaguely rational while talking about completely bugnuts shit, John Kasich responded to everything like he just got out of electroshock therapy (and had the haircut to prove it), and there is a rumor that Ben Carson was there. Let's not waste any time talking about how full of shit they all were other than to say, "Yeah, they were all full of shit."
Instead, look at this exchange:
"Trump: If people -- my plan is very simple. I will not -- we're going to have private -- we are going to have health care, but I will not allow people to die on the sidewalks and the streets of our country if I'm president. You may let it and you may be fine with it...
"Cruz: So does the government pay for everyone's health care?
"Trump: ... I'm not fine with it. We are going to take those people...
"Cruz: Yes or no. Just answer the question.
"Trump: Excuse me. We are going to take those people and those people are going to be serviced by doctors and hospitals. We're going to make great deals on it, but we're not going to let them die in the streets.
"Cruz: Who pays for it?"
It's not a stretch to say that Cruz is implying that he's fine with people dying "on the sidewalks and streets" as long as the nation doesn't have to pay for their health care. What passed for compassion at the Republican debate was stating that Americans should be able to stay alive. Greatest country in the history forever. That's the level of unrepentant fuckery at which we're playing here.
Trump really won because none of the candidates have even the slightest understanding about where Trump's support comes from. Rubio thought he could undermine Trump by showing how the supposed mogul's business dealings are shady at best and illegal at worst. Cruz tried to paint Trump as a Democrat in elephant drag, a fake conservative who would destroy conservative principles (which, apparently, involve immediately deporting children and letting poor people die while bombing other nations).
Both of their campaigns have fundamentally failed to grasp that Trump is in the lead simply because he's Trump. That's got little to do with Trump's experience or his politics beyond "He hates who I hate." It's just fuckin' cult of personality. People want to be with the dude who thinks he's a winner no matter how much of a loser he might be. You know how in high school there was a loudmouth dickhead football player who was verbally abusive and a buffoon but somehow had tons of friends and got all the tail? Yeah, that guy. That's Trump. Meanwhile, Rubio acts like an altar boy who's upset that he's the only one not molested by the priest. Cruz is the prick who wanted so badly to be the class clown but is just a cruel prankster whose asshole dad thinks he's funny.
So let's stop with the pretense that last night's debate did a goddamn thing. Republicans better accept their Trumpish overlord or get the fuck out.
The real story from last night is how fucking worthless Wolf Blitzer was as a moderator. He got steamrolled time and again, had no control over the candidates, pathetically attempted to keep things on track, barely asked follow-ups, and was a quivering, useless lump of flesh with white stubble by the end. On top of that, frightening Hugh Hewitt, who looks like a poorly-healed burn victim, attempted to get the candidates to agree to a "litmus test" of Supreme Court candidates on "religious liberty," which means something like "Don't make Christians follow the Constitution." How is that even a question at a supposedly "mainstream" debate?
Another disgraceful evening in the Republican primary season is over. Let's all have fruit salad and hang out with Polish workers and try to forget that the future of the nation might end up in the slime-encrusted hands of one of these ethical lepers.
2/25/2016
The Rude Pundit Gets His Rage On at the GOP Debate Tonight (Live on Rabble)
The Rude Pundit will be joined once again by Jeff Kreisler in a whiskey-fueled rage attack on the Republican debate tonight at 9ish p.m. ET on the CNN.
You watch the goddamn thing on your TV and tune the computer device to Rabble.tv so it's like you're on the couch as the meat in a Rude/Jeff sandwich, listening to us comment, cry, and cringe at the fuckery before us.
If you want to have a voice and comment online during the debate, sign up for free, free, free to Rabble. Or you can just listen and lurk.
We will try our best to avoid jokes about the lack of Bush on the stage.
You watch the goddamn thing on your TV and tune the computer device to Rabble.tv so it's like you're on the couch as the meat in a Rude/Jeff sandwich, listening to us comment, cry, and cringe at the fuckery before us.
If you want to have a voice and comment online during the debate, sign up for free, free, free to Rabble. Or you can just listen and lurk.
We will try our best to avoid jokes about the lack of Bush on the stage.
Ten Bombshells in Donald Trump's Taxes
Yesterday, loser Mitt Romney said that there might be a "bombshell" in Donald Trump's taxes, like that he's not as rich as he claims (duh) or doesn't pay much in taxes (double duh) or something else that doesn't really reach "bombshell" status. However, there are other things that could be lurking within Trump's 1040.
1. Income from Trump-brand abortion pills, the only abortifacient where you tell your fetus, "You're fired."
2. Deduction for tanning as a business expense. Also, a medical expense.
3. Donation to Undocumented Immigrants for Climate Justice and Gun Control.
4. Medical deduction for thousands of unused bottles of Effexor and thousands of empty bottles of prescription Rogaine.
5. Research funding for "Micropenis extension technology." Also, "donkey penis attachment surgery." Also, Melania.
6. Claim for twenty dependents, all teenage Chinese boys. Also, adoption credit.
7. Schedule C for his self-published translation of Mein Kampf with pictures of Trump photoshopped at rallies at the beginning of each chapter.
8. Deferred combat pay for his time in prep school, which Trump described as "like I was in the military."
9. All campaign costs deducted for "job-hunting."
10. Income from trademarking the phrase "Donald Trump is a gigantic asshole." Also, "Fuck Donald Trump."
1. Income from Trump-brand abortion pills, the only abortifacient where you tell your fetus, "You're fired."
2. Deduction for tanning as a business expense. Also, a medical expense.
3. Donation to Undocumented Immigrants for Climate Justice and Gun Control.
4. Medical deduction for thousands of unused bottles of Effexor and thousands of empty bottles of prescription Rogaine.
5. Research funding for "Micropenis extension technology." Also, "donkey penis attachment surgery." Also, Melania.
6. Claim for twenty dependents, all teenage Chinese boys. Also, adoption credit.
7. Schedule C for his self-published translation of Mein Kampf with pictures of Trump photoshopped at rallies at the beginning of each chapter.
8. Deferred combat pay for his time in prep school, which Trump described as "like I was in the military."
9. All campaign costs deducted for "job-hunting."
10. Income from trademarking the phrase "Donald Trump is a gigantic asshole." Also, "Fuck Donald Trump."
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