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What if sparks don't fly on the first date?

dollarphotoclub blog

Posted by John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert on

It's what we all want as singles. The perfect first date experience. Witty conversation, sexual chemistry, lots of flirting and laughter, and an amazing end of date kiss. You both leave the date feeling on a high - excited, giddy and wanting more.

But what happens if you go on a first date and sparks don't fly? Does this mean you need to give it more time or should you simply cut your ties and run?

Having spent many years talking to couples about how they first met, I've heard both sides of the story. Some have said that there were sparks immediately when they saw each other and they knew they were meant to be together. On the other hand, there are those couples that tell me that there were no sparks in the beginning, but they grew into their love and passion for each other.

So what approach should you take if there are no sparks?

My advice to you here is put your decision in the hands of time. If there are no sparks flying between the two of you be patient.

Give your date a chance to shine and grow on you. The greater time you spend talking to them and getting to know them, the more opportunity you'll have to see if a spark can grow.

If there's still absolutely no chemistry after a number of dates, then you have your answer - it's probably never going to work. But if passion starts to build between you both, then push forward. It has potential to be something special.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, as seen on Ch 9's series Married At First Sight, and the ABC doco Making Couples Happy. He is also the author of the book Making Couples Happy: How science can help get relationships back on track (www.johnaiken.com.au)

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467 comments

Comments


LiveLaughLovePlay
LiveLaughLovePlay
BJ
As I said Google doesn't discriminate...... Not all research is create equal.... silly are those who believe it is.
BellaJerry
BellaJerry
LLLP what an interesting statement you have made.
Thus all of the research and study citations that are accessible via Google, together with govt department websites, are to be dismissed are they???
I must inform my colleagues ..how silly are we??!! lol
BellaJerry
BellaJerry
Pax
Good try!!! rofl
LiveLaughLovePlay
LiveLaughLovePlay
BJ
You are aware that when Ms Google answers, there is no guarantee of quality. Choosing be educated by Google and popular media, often seems to lead to being more ill-informed that knowledgeable.

Snives
I can assure you lots (and lots) of gents also choose to identify themselves loosely as "Sydney" dwellers. It's unfortunate RSVP won't distinguish Sydney city from the 125,000 km2 area that is greater Sydney. Experience here has taught me....if location = Sydney, then next!
parallaxview
parallaxview
BJ,

As you may be aware, there's a basic tenet in science and logical argument.

It goes along the lines that the onus of proof, particularly in regard to an assertion made as a truth fact, is on the asserter.

"I am aware you delight in baiting and disputing comments using your scientific jargon {which is gobbly gook in most instances}..lol"

So, you have no understanding of how a microwave actually works?

I only dispute outlandish statements and claims when they are made to sound like facts, but are in fact faux truths without any substance or substantiation.
BellaJerry
BellaJerry
Pax
Plse do refer to Ms Google she will lead you to a variety of articles and citations referencing microwaves {specifically used for cooking} and carcinogenic effects.

Dear sir I am aware you delight in baiting and disputing comments using your scientific jargon {which is gobbly gook in most instances}..lol
parallaxview
parallaxview
Sweets,

At least the evil meat and dairy eaters will have the strength to lift up knives, forks, and spoons to continue the consumption of real food.

BJ,

I suspect you may have been right in the first instance with the imaginary expression "mocrowave".

"...now what do we know??? Carcinogenic++++"

Huh???? WTF????

How does vibrational and frictional flipping of polar molecules equate to carcinogenic tendencies with a multitude of +'s?

It's just another ingenious method of introducing heat. Like induction heating that has a vast history of efficacy in many a field, or the woo-woo minded loonies who claim that heat/flame cooking causes carcinogenic effects upon consumption of the tainted foods.

Citations about the carcinogenic effects resulting from microwave cooking, please.
Sweetlady40
Sweetlady40
LLTD last weekend we went to a school fund raiser - Disco. Everyone was dressed in 1960s-1980s costumes. Great night. Thought of you LLTD.

Next weekend is the Blue Cocktail Party. More dancing :-)
snives
snives
Hi Janny and Primbee - yes, Lahna Covay served its purpose (put me in the right location to a job I was doing), now living in St Ives which puts me back in my previous and preferred area of Pymble.

p.s. Why do some very appealing women state their address as Sydney? Sydney is 126,000 square kilometres - be serious - or not!! (My ego stops me from using a stamp just to find out where someone lives, cos' I refuse to be a hostage to people who play games).
Sweetlady40
Sweetlady40
Pax,
You are right that from the moment she wakes till the moment she sleeps all we hear is about "Veganism" & how the rest of us meat & dairy eaters are going to keel over from a heart attack!!!

Sweets
BellaJerry
BellaJerry
*microwave*
BellaJerry
BellaJerry
jannygirl 26 Feb 2016, 11:36 PM
But the produce they used in those days was not processed or frozen, it was fresh was it not??

Wonder if that is why so many 90yrs old's I have cared for have low cholesterol levels and no history of diabetes??

I believe we have a lot to learn from our elders and 'modern' techniques/vogues are not always the 'bee's knees'

Just refer back to the day s of glory when mocrowave cooking first came out...thought to be the healthiest of cooking...now what do we know??? Carcinogenic++++
jannygirl
jannygirl
secondstrike - re your interesting comments re food.
I remember grandma and mum putting salt in the saucepan when boiling the veg. Like you I do not add salt to cooking. Long gone are the days of boring old veg overcooked in pot of boiling water. I am enjoying trying the newer recipes that were unheard of when I was a child. I eat no processed food and cook everything fresh from scratch. Olive oil so much more healthy than the old days of dripping.
jannygirl
jannygirl
pax - may be second to none but
with ARBRo he is one to one. Cool.
parallaxview
parallaxview
SS (aka Second to None),

I have that effect on a lot of people.

It's what I do:-)

PS What a wonderful inscription that Second to None was!
CestSiBon
CestSiBon
I believe many of us singles will do the "class' thing..= a simple and elegant (meal for one) ...no frills, no fussing, no need to prove anything..quality is obvious....
secondstrike
secondstrike
Pax,

Sometimes, you leave me speechless. But a la Nike, I'll "just do it".

None of the the nine Oxford definitions of class, helped me out. Somehow, my simple quick and easy meal, ( delectable & delumptious as it was - the martini vermouth happens 7/7) on an insufferably hot summer's night, ( no cooking involved, Amber) reflects a significance I was unaware of. No-one has ever said that, to me before.

Closest was my late man who inscribed "nulli secundus", on a Latin dictionary he gave me.

So I'll assume definition 9...thank-you Pax.
jannygirl
jannygirl
Could be Lane Cove to St Ives, mystery deepens?
jannygirl
jannygirl
pax - re your "delectable and delumptious". Sounds yummy. I am wondering if that terminology could now replace the old hat one of "squeeze", or do we still have to say "delectable and delumptious squeeze"?
Primbee
Primbee
"I liked LaneCove. What's with the name change?"

Maybe the name Lahna Cuvee was already taken? :-)

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