Me: Instagram: xoearabella Business inquires: xaloudin333@gmail.com --- The Words: I raise a trembling hand in class No sound comes out but I attempt to ask Dear Random Teacher can I please go to the nurse? No I'm not done with my reading No I am not bleeding But my hands have energy bullets that shoot through the tips And I can't stop my worries talk with too fast moving lips And I've clenched my hand 63-64 times now and it's starting to hurt So please Random Teacher can I please go to the nurse? No she will not help at all How could she help someone when their problem is a brain with crumbling walls A heavy sigh and a heavier groan Her sour lips will ask if I'd like to go home And I will say no but make a personal note to remind myself that it is my fault I'm like this and I must tough through the day on my own Step by careful step I feel my hyped up energy diminish I feel I have nothing left Step by careful step I feel myself getting lower I feel myself getting slower The floor has welcomed me, I'm its most frequent guest I heard my heart beat through the floor I heard the slamming of a door I heard the violent song of gravity beckon me once more I'll let it cradle me, in all its gore Cradle me until it's heavy arms are sore And as I lay, I remember Of all the peaces I failed to put together Have you ever had to check that these hands were connected to your shoulders because they shook so much you weren't sure if they were yours? Did you hide them under your desk in hopes your classmates wouldn't see? Hoping that they won't notice that you can't breath Did you have to constraint them under sheets And hope only your pillow could hear your uneven breathing as you weeped Because A leg that endlessly shakes demands you stay awake Worry about that homework you didn't do Because you were terrified that if you began to That vibrating numb will fill you up like sand filling up a body bag Make its way through your body and paralyze your nervous hands Pencils that weigh exactly 0.00567 kilograms suddenly are heavier than the list of my worries demands Have you ever told someone, That far too often for no reason at all, You feel too close to the end And they tell you to breathe and count back from seven. Okay. Seven I'm sick of the days I can't find where my sanity's been. Six I'm sick of being sick Five I'm tired of being mocked by the loss of my waisted time Four I'm done with jerking limbs that leave my body sore Three I'm tired of a heart that worries instead of beats Two I'm sick of having to explain this to many and be understood by few One I am constantly being told what I am, what I am not, What I have, What I do not, By people who have not experienced me And I am done. Don't tell me I can control what thoughts consume my mind And I just have to choose to be positive Because I am absolutely positive you've never felt so confined At war against the makings of the walls inside your mind And I'm sorry there is no evidence And I know the cure is not to stuff my lungs with medicine But therapy isn't working And I don't know why I have to prove to you that I'm hurting I've learned The world doesn't pause so you can get better You just have to chill out and get it together Another day I raise a trembling hand in class No sound comes out but I attempt to ask Dear random teacher if everyone in the world had anxiety how long do you think we'd last? Because I'm sure having a hard time. And I'll probably spend awhile worrying if this makes a proper last line --- Thank you so much for watching! If you enjoyed like, comment, share subscribe! Share this with the hearts that worry instead of beat. Thank you for your never ending love and support.

• published: 21 Dec 2015
• views: 96567