the coldest of life rafts

I found something to cling to
to hold me to the surface of the water

I have had dreams
where I wake up
and find myself floating around on a sheet of ice
all alone in a dark, Arctic Ocean

The silence there is so pure
one can almost hear the sun
beating on the clouds that fiercely hold back her beauty.

Here, there is nothing left to do but breathe

Then, as I look into the obsidian waters
I realize I can paddle.
I have no idea where I'm going
everything seems so far away and unwelcoming.

I get over my fear
of sharks or something
eating my arms as I paddle
or maybe the water will take them again
But this is where I come from
The water is where I was born

None of this feels as cold as it should.

Oddly...
though I can't see any of them,
I know there are others out there
others who are and are not
connected to me
others, floating alone in their pain
looking for distant obscure shores
that seem unwelcoming.

We will find our way...
there aren't many other options.

not today

I want to swallow the sun
live by the stars and artificial lights
things I can easily hide from
Darkness...comforting darkness...
swallowed by the darkness...

I want to stop breathing
It's not all it's cracked up to be anyway
I want to cry an ocean of tears
and breathe underwater
until some treasure hunter centuries later
dodges shark teeth
and underwater warriors
finds my skeleton
and informs the world
he has found the missing link.

I want to crawl into my belly
squeeze my eyes shut tight
cover my ears and scream
curl into a ball
lay in the birth of my agony
my placenta protecting me from
my life...
sustaining my life.

And yet, the sun now rises on the horizon
blood pours from my tears
oceans don't form,
just blotted distortions on the written page
and I can't hide,
I can't sleep or eat
I am nourished and sustained on agony,
it comforts me like a blanket
I try not to stir underneath
as celebrations continue on the ground floor.

I can't sleep or eat
agony stirs me from my bed
I look out the window and see
sunshine, flowers, life
my heart breaks
as the celebrations rise beneath me
crushing my soul into nothing.

I lay back down
tears form agony on my pillow
I am still breathing air
the sun is still shining
I do not get up
I do not rise to the occasion.

Someday...maybe...not today.

Mausoleum

Flowers

The U.S. Will Lose the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan

One of the funniest headlines I've read was from The Onion: "Drugs Wins War on Drugs." In reality, the War on Drugs has done nothing to stop the flow of drugs, and as we know, the U.S. allows the Afghans to grow poppies.

I've been listening to the book on CD, "A Savage War of Peace: Algeria 1954-1962," by Alistair Horn. The cover has a little patch that says, "On the reading list of Presidents Bush and the U.S. military." (Former co-King George Bush, as we all know, doesn't read. He can, he just doesn't.) Barack Obama should read this book.

During the the Algerian Revolution, the French wanted to maintain control of one of their colonies, mostly through nostalgia. They had recently lost their war to oppress the Vietnamese succumbing to the Battle of Diem Phem Phu (sp?) in 1953 (the U.S. later took up the war under Johnson, and dropping more bombs than in WWII, still lost). Even with their massive amounts of weapons, the horrific oppression of the Arabs, torture, murders, massacres (the last three done by both sides), the French still lose.

Listening to this book and having a limited understanding of war, the U.S. will lose Iraq and Afghanistan. There was no clear reasoning for co-King George and King Dick to take up the wars in the first place. There is no clear understanding of what the end of these wars will look like. There is no clear plans on where these wars are going. Torture is taking place. Raping and murders are taking place. Millions have been killed and misplaced. Oppression is horrific, worse than even under Sadam.

I could go on and on with the typical patterns of warfare that I have a limited understanding of, but even with their overwhelming use of force, there is no way the U.S. will win either war. They are destined to lose and humiliatingly so.

I know, you allege patriot types out there who may be reading this, your anus' are puckering right now and you'll go through your usual BS diatribes about "Support the Troops," "America, Love it or leave it," style of stupid arguments. You should never support a war you are not willing to take up arms in and fight in yourself... And don't give me that old football injury bullshit. If your eyes work well enough and your trigger finger is healthy, get down to the nearest recruiting station and sign up.

Then after doing so, get a copy of Alistair Horn's book, "A Savage War of Peace," and start learning what wars like this are about. Alegeria was not the only war of overwelming equipment and force and oppression having been overcome. Vietnam under the French and the U.S. attempts at oppression their were defeated.

It is only a matter of time. With the U.S. economy in a shambles and our billions in tax dollars being doled out to billionaires and sucked away by two wars that will never end until the U.S. military leaves, some nasty shit is gonna happen. There won't need to be weapons used, it is destined to fail unless real measures are taken, and Barack will not take such measures. Nothing has changed but higher IQ points in the White House.

Now what? The peace movement is rather quiet. The war movement is rather quiet. Everything seems quiet. Everyone seems quiet. Not silenced, just the volume has been turned down a lot.

For Shusli

Jalajesh

I have just finished listening too a couple of books on CD about children in war. I listened to this young man's book, "War Child." His name is Emmanuel Jal. He was a boy soldier fighting in Southern Sudan. This young man went through hell. You don't have any problems. This man and Ismael Baeh ("A Long Way Gone") and so many other boy soldiers in Africa know the absolute worst that life can be.

Somehow this young man managed to survive. Through is faith and music, he has come to a great standing in the world and brings a message of peace.

He hated Arabs. Killed Arabs and their black Muslim supporters, but mostly, as a boy soldier, he wanted to kill Arabs for what they had done to his family. Jalajesh is what these boys were called because they were the bravest and often most cruel of the military. His descriptions of war make me wonder why folks have ever thought that war was a glorious and fun adventure. His descriptions are things I've known to have existed for thousands of years. Folks don't read, hear, or see these things and would prefer not to think of them. Then new wars start and so many folks jump back on the band wagon.

After he escaped the war, he went to school, and helped his fellow refugees get educated as well. He became a Christian rap star and recently even cut an album with an Arab Muslim. It is artists, folks, who will bring us peace.

I am not Christian nor Muslim, but I would definitely invite this young man into our house and feed him. You don't mind, do you, Shusli?

I also listened to a book called, "Hitler Youth: Growing Up In Hitler's Shadow," by Susan Campbell Bartoletti. This book describes the Hitler Youth programs of indoctrination of the children into the fold of Nazism. "Hitler Youth" tells the story of individuals who were caught up in it, those who struggled against it, and youth victims of it. Susan also talks about how the young Nazis fought with with a ferocity and bravery far and above normal soldiers, and their severe troubled lives afterward upon finding out that they were supporting a mass murderer who lied to them.

It is interesting how folks wrap their minds around war. Here in the states, most folks have not experienced a war and many jump on the war supporting band wagon. They won't go fight it themselves. They won't do their own killing. They won't stand in the heat of the desert for days on end in mass boredom with that tension that is always underlying. They won't feel the intensity of trying to survive a battle and coming home with stories of shitting and pissing their pants. They know nothing of war. They don't hear the stories of the millions of refugees, those whose families have been murdered, etc. They march forward without question like good little Naz...er...I mean americans.

War has many patterns: raping women, raping children, torture, massacres, genocide, oppression, PTSD, refugees, disease, environmental destruction, infrastructure destruction, and many more. One I am now seeing more clearly is the use of children. Indoctrination as future soldiers for a military whose leadership doesn't fight the battles. Heck, we all know co-King George never saw a battle and how that happened! We all know Don "Torture" Rumsfeld never went through a battle nor knows what war looks like. Folks like these need soldiers, need to influence our youth to become soldiers for them, in order to feed their empire. They go after our youth. Those whom we attack often need their youth to fight back with the adults. Then there are the youth victims and survivors of war who didn't fight on either side.

Just something else to think about when you go out there and demand peace or demand war. You war supporters: "Never support a war you are not willing to take up arms and fight in yourself because you are asking others to do YOUR killing for you..." and dying, and oppressing, and coming home with PTSD, and walking through pollutants, and coming home without all of their body parts, etc.

It is the artists who will save the world, but the world will soon be completely different. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen.

Quantum Physics

As I'm sure you've all heard by now, Ward Churchill won his case against the University of Colorado at Boulder.

Jodi Rave discusses that Ward is not considered Indian by many. Oddly, this case wasn't about whether or not Ward was Indian or not. It was a case about being wrongly fired when the staff scrutinized his work and found some possiblities of plagarism after Ward received much publicity around his "Little Eichmans" statement.

Still, I have heard of no scrutiny being taken up against the lying Carlos Castaneda and his falsities about the Yaqui and Don Juan, but then again, Carlos doesn't challenge the status quo.

There is an article in the Rocky Mountain News stating that they did the research and proved Ward isn't Indian. They didn't prove that Ward's work was lies, so they, too, go after the messenger. However, I also don't put too much weight in this. Newspapers lie at times, and often. They have an agenda of bringing down Ward, again, because he challenges the status quo. And since it is often proven that scientists can be liars and that DNA isn't necessarily the science that folks like to think it is, I question that, too. Scientists can have an agenda as well. But, personally, I don't care about Ward's pedegree. When interviewed by "Mitakuye Oyasin" several times, the question doesn't come up.

James Craven, Blackfoot Solicitor General to the Traditional Government, indicter of the U.S. and Canada for the crimes of genocide on behalf of the Blackfoot, and Business Head at Clark College, is a good friend and supporter of Ward Churchill. He advised him not to play the "blood-quantum game."

That said, recently a neighbor went to a Native American teaching, that she paid money for, that was given by a group of white women. From what Shusli was told about this ceremony and relayed to me, we agreed that it sounded more like a new age scam for someone to make money. Any outrage? Any comments? Rocky Mountain News...are you out there?

Then there are all the assholes Shusli and I have exposed on our blogs whose names I forget who are NOT Indians but are passing on "Indian teachings" because they have some sort of self-perceived authority. They also charge a lot of money for "teachings." Oregonian, KATU News, would you like to talk with these folks? Find out the truth?

Oh, wait, these non-Indian Indians are not challenge the status quo, like Carlos Castaneda, and thus, need no scrutiny. You won't see Lynn Andrews, Brooke Medicine Eagle, Carlos Castaneda, or Forrest (Asa) Carter challenged in the media or their work scrutinized.

Then there are the pedigree certified BIA card carrying easily identifed for the round ups Indians that folks don't talk about much either. Folk like:

How's about Stan Spotted Wolf. Stan, a Blackfoot in Montana, was head of social services on the reservation there. Stan is also alleged to have raped hundreds, HUNDREDS!, of Indian children. Mike Weinman, FBI agent during some of the accusations of this time, is alleged to have helped cover it up. I read some of the testimony of Stan's victims. Oregonian? Post-Intellgencer?

lb is a self-proclaimed spiritual leader. He is alleged to be mixing medicines in his spiritual path that he passes on to others. Many who know of this agree that he should not be doing this. His experimental works have already done some damage. It is only a matter of time before that damage becomes serious. Any news on this?

Then there are Indians like Sun Bear, who portrayed a false message to make money. Scrutiny anyone?

What about the racism against pedegree Indians that don't have dark skin by Indians and non-Indians alike? Any news on that?

And why aren't the academics so scrutinizing of the works of many anthros who mis-represent their works in order to sell books? You know, like Sam Gill. In the alleged science of anthropology, many folks tell us Indians what it is like to be Indian and how wrong we are when we try to explain ourselves, but since they have academic degrees, they are better experts on us than we are. The lies that are portrayed throughout these issues, like with the Kennewick Man case (don't get me started on those pieces of shit Jamie Chatters or Bonnichsen), are no where near the research gone in to bringing down Ward Churchill and his works. Why is that? That's right! You get an A+! It's because these works don't challenge the status quo and often support it. Thus, there is no need for the challenge.

Same with lb, Stan, Brooke, Lynn, Carlos, Sam, and others. Their works don't challege the status quo. Their works don't bring up legal issues of genocide and other crimes. Their works don't make the masses of non-Indians stir uncomfortably in their seats. Ward's work does, and since they can't destroy the message...

One thing I have heard from many Indian folks is that Ward's work has made them proud to be Indians. They are glad (layperson and academic alike) for the work he has done in clarifying many issues around Indian country.

I certainly don't feel proud to be Indian because of lb, or Stan Spotted Wolf, real pedegree injuns with BIA cards and everything. Nor do I feel proud to be Indian through the works of Brooke Medicine Eagle, Sun Bear, Lynn Andrews, Sam Gill, nor anthropologists in general.

Ward's work, along with Vine Deloria, Jr.'s and Winona Laduke's, have definitely influence my pride as an Indian. What makes me proudest, however, is being married to Shusli.

14!

Felicia turned 14 yesterday!
HOLY COW!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FELICIA!

359,827 + Around 6,000

This is part of the Waterfront Park in Portland, Oregon. It is a memorial park dedicated to the Japanese who were interred during World War II.

Beautiful spring day, isn't it?

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, the Japanese were interred in concentration camps throughout the U.S., mostly along the West Coast, after the Nation of Japan bombed Pearl Harbor.

This was rather profitable for America for as they cleared these Japanese AMERICANS off of their land and properties, they also took those properties for some tidy profits. Japanese were often forced to sell their various properties and stuffs at drastically reduced prices if their property and things weren't outright stolen. Sounds like what happened to us Indians, except without the smallpox blankets and brutal massacres.

A decade or two ago, the U.S. government graciously paid off each surviving victim of this "round-up" $20,000. We Indians are still having a helluva time getting them to honor our treaties, but that is a different story.

FDR had been thinking of rounding-up the Japanese since 1935, a full 6 years prior to the bombing of Pearl Harbor, but let's not discuss that fact.

I know what you are not thinking. How they heck did they round-up all those Japanese with such effeciency? Most White Americans couldn't tell a Japanese from Chinese or Korean.

Well, my understanding is that FDR said he would never use the Social Security system for any such bias. I guess he did, at least that's what I've been told. Now, where did the Social Security System get their technology? Why, it was...

I know what you're thinking, what is the numbers 359,827 + 6,000 mean at the beginning of this little essay? Well let me tell you. 359,827 is the exact number of Jews in Warsaw counted in 48 hours for a special census finished on Oct. 31, 1939. The approximately 6,000 other names added around Nov. 25, 1939, were "racialized" Jews who had converted to Christianity. It's always about blood quantum, isn't it?

Now, I know what you're not asking? Where did they get the technology at the time when no computers were available to create such lists with such accurate effeciency?

This here is Thomas Watson, Sr., head of IBM way back in the day. "Think" was a slogan he thought up. Clever, huh? Smart guy. He even headed the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. Sweet gig, huh? What a wonderful guy. He is said to have made some great speeches for peace as head of the Carnegie organization for peace, as it were. Looks like a kindly old wonderful grandpa type, doesn't he?

Well, anyways, his company, IBM, International Business Machines, had a subsidiary called Dehomag, in Berlin, Germany. Dehomag produced Hollerith punch card machines and tabulators, etc. IBM made most of its money selling the punchcards for specific designs for these machines. That was the most profitable part of the business. But where would it be without the technology, which IBM also produced and "leased" out so they could keep the technology in the form of a monopoly.

The Nazi's had some problems that needed solving back in the 1930's, so they leased a bunch of Hollerith machines from Dehomag, the subsidiary of IBM. These machines not only helped trains run on time, etc., they were also effecient in census taking. Pretty cool, huh?

Tom's work helped the Nazi's so well, that as head of the International Business Commerce, he held their annual meeting in Berlin in '37 or '38, I don't remember which year specfically. During this visit, Watson received the highest Nazi Civilian medal for such outstanding service for the Reich. All this, despite the fact that the Nazi's were already in the process of "exterminating" their undesireables, mostly Jews, Roma, Sinti, Serbs, JoHo's, Gays, Trade Unionists, etc.

"Ahhh! Grandpa! It's so good to see you!"

After the Nazi's invaded Poland, they needed the special "405" machine, an alphabetizer. Why, you may ask? 359,827 + 6,000.

Watson KNEW what his machines were being used for. He worked hard on keeping a level of deniability, however. You can't do business with all sides during a horrific war if you consciously know of the attrocities these folks are committing. WATSON MADE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OFF THE SLAUGTHER OF THE JEWS USING HIS BUSINESS, IBM! Hmm. How's about a hug, grandpa?

IBM never had to pay for the participation in the Holocaust because they played both sides with technology that EVERYONE needed. Clever. THINK!

You can read all about Thomas Watson, Sr.'s business escapades in an excellent book by Edwin Black called, "IBM and the Holocaust."

THINK 359,827 Jews in Warsaw on Oct. 31, 1939. 6,000 added on Nov. 25, 1939, thanks to Tom Watson's plausible deniability. What a guy! And he headed the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace at the time. Then again, Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize for his acts of genocide in Vietnam. Makes sense when lotsa money is involved.

Makes me think of what a Black American Soldier thought when he helped liberate one of the "Death Camps" in Nazi Germany. He realized they could do that anywhere. It could happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone. It could happen to Blacks here in America. That soldier realized that.

Thank you, IBM.

Springtime in Portland

Grey