your false sympathy and unthought derision

"It seems that the world over, the accepted films featuring the handicapped would be best called the 'triumph story': the overcoming of great odds to achieve even greater goals. The reason for these films appears to be catharsis. Specifically, the audience watches them to feel better about their own lives ("There but for the grace of God go I…"), draw inspiration to live a better life ("If they can do it, so can I."), and, to some extent, feel generally swell about themselves and the way they spent two hours watching something 'socially responsible'. Fortunately this style of filmmaking appeared both absurd and disingenuous to both Shibata and Sumida, and in response they created a film that was truly the opposite."

-  Nicholas Rucha: Review of Shibata Gō's 2004 film『おそいひと』(Osoi hito)

self-reflexivity

Deep, void, clean, rip, hard. 

Rage with no direction or focus. 

She takes one breath and then recoils.

- silencesilencesilence

(© 2013)

  Still: Lung Leg in Richard Kern's "You Killed Me First" (1985)

Capture: Yum-Yum (House of Self-Indulgence)

呪文

To commemorate House of Self-Indulgence's review of Itō Shunya's『女囚701号：さそり』("Joshū Nana-maru-ichi-gō: Sasori", "Female Convict 701: Scorpion"), here is a sampling of star Kaji Meiko's (梶芽衣子) singing. She released quite a few albums and singles over the years, mostly in the genre of enka (演歌, modern folk-songs) and 70s-style folk rock. 

These two albums are compilations of material recorded during the 1970s and overlap a little. The first album is simply titled 「梶芽衣子」, "Kaji Meiko". The second album is 「梶芽衣子全集」, or "Kaji Meiko: Complete Works." This is misleading, because there are several songs on the first album that aren't included. Anyway, both lead with「怨み節」(Urami bushi, "Grudge melody"), the title song from Sasori, which was also released as the single pictured above. The second album also includes that single's B-side, 「女の呪文」(Onna no jūmon, "A woman's spell") as Song #2. The Song #3 on that album is「修羅の花」(Shura no hana, "Flower of Carnage"), the title song to Fujita Toshiya's「修羅雪暇」 (Shura yukihime, "Snow Princess of Carnage", although translated for distribution as "Lady Snowblood" for whatever reason.) This was also released as a single →

Kaji is known for nihilistic glaring while wielding sharp objects in extremely compromising situations. While her most well known roles (Nami in the Sasori series, Yuki in Shura yukihime) have a lot of that, there was much more to the actress. She brought palpable intensity to her often silent performances, expressing great emotion masterful usage of body language and facial expression. In Sasori, there is a profound sense of isolation in Meiko's Nami. No matter what abuses she suffers, no matter how deep her pain, she somehow seems so far beyond it. As though her heart/mind is somehow untouched by all the abuse and pools of blood waded through.

The depth of silent, endless steely rage that Kaji Meiko brought to the screen makes her singing that much more unique. Because she just feels.... awkward behind the microphone. Her voice isn't naturally strong (like The One True God in Heaven Togawa Jun). Instead, Meiko coos her way through lilting songs, trying her hardest not to break through..... There is a distinctly unsettling effect produced by the dissimilarity between the awkward charm of her recorded work and the striking isolation of her screen presence.

[Cover for the single やどかり, yadokari, "Hermit crab." Album 2, Song 4.]

1) 梶芽衣子：梶芽衣子
2) 梶芽衣子：全集

assimilate

oil remove shred and tear radiation vapor it’s the fear so unclear man in motion going nowhere in our homes stuck in the face spread the word to the populace yellow journal yellow journal set the pace feel the rage manifestations of a sort so insidious off the point simple solution never confusion sport a gun kill a cop crazy world of weary thought so receive me had enough immunity avoid decay in the trench of pestilence the bible screams announce your faith mutterings of death do bring suffocate a new born thing degradation of an age venereal its all sensation protect design the moral plan infallible as propaganda completely black with no steps back go nowhere tell yourself search your soul bloodshot agony profusely stains the inner thinking of the brain accusations clanking chains experiments with groans of pain all prefer no one blames the terror in an animal screams in cages our future the answer’s insane show no faith each adds assimilate each one assimilates reach for an air way death

- n. ogre

[Liv Ullmann en Ingmar Bergman- Persona, 1966]

虚無妄想

何時ノ間ニカ

隠サルル気配

ニナリツツ

・・・・・

Baby Vampire Made Me

It doesn't matter if it's wrong or if it's right,
you won't remember after I bite.

You've got blood, baby friend of mine,
you've got blood and it tastes like lye.

I've got a baby vampire in me,
nobody knows, nobody knows.
I saw you put it in me like a seed
that was as big as a stone.

And all I can do is watch it grow
and it comes and it goes.
It comes and it goes
and it's turning me into someone I don't know.

You've got a skull, baby, you've got a spine.
After I'm done with you I'll spit them out like rinds.

I got a baby vampire in me,
it just might eat me before it eats you.
I saw you put it in me like a seed.
Then it grew.

It feels funny but I want you to see
that's good for you isn't always good for me.
I'm gonna kill it, or hide underground,
it's after me like a hound.

Baby, baby, so beautiful.
Little baby, I feel clean,
There's still life after the machine.

Little baby, I feel fresh,
You can't live life if you're living death.

- mary timony

HELIUM: Pirate Prude
Stills: León Klimovsky's La Noche de Walpurgis, 1970

Covenant

Confront Me, Unholy Ones
Bastard Saints, Scorn of the Earth
I Summon Thee, Now Poison Me
Death under Will, Burn in My Soul

Exalt Me, Enemies of the Lamb
Intrude- We are of One
Under Will, I Walk the Path of Sin
With Your Spells I Die again

Raise Me from Mortal
My Will, Be Your Will
My Words, Speak Your Words
Your Pains, Raise Me to Bliss

What of this Anger now
Received to Lance Your Enemy
I Feel the Energy
The Poison Moves in Me
I Spill Blood

Scorn of the Earth, I Witness
In Rapture I'm Born Again
Scorn of the Light, I Bear Scorn
In Rapture I'm Reborn

MORBID ANGEL: COVENANT

I'm Not Here

"Blindfold me so I can live my life.....
I'm, I'm not here.
Oh, help me, help me.
I'm not here."

Super Heroines: Cry For Help

Return to the Eve

"Take my soul away into the dark,
Dreaming a thousand morbid dreams.
No tomorrow when the wind caress my mind,
Could I ever return, it would be my doom."

Celtic Frost: Morbid Tales

painting: "The Crucifixion of Saint Julia" by Hieronymus Bosch
(oil on wood panel, date unknown)

Struck With Terror

Early concert by GLOOM. Performed and recorded on April 29th, '91 at 難波Bears (Namba Bears), a famous underground club in downtown Osaka City. The place is tiny. This record makes me happy.

GLOOM：濁流玉砕雑核音91

USE IT RIGHT OR DON'T FEEL IT

THE ONLY REAL THING IS MISERY. SUBMISSION MEANS YOU GET MURDERED. YOU GET REVENGE WHEN YOU WAIT FOR IT. FRUSTRATED MEANS YOU'RE INSANE. HE'S A DEAD THING UNDER THE SHEET. CAUSING PAIN. SEX TURNS IMPOTENCE INTO DECAY. UNCONSCIOUS REPRESSION DEGRADES THE REAL THING. YOU CAN'T KILL A CRIMINAL NEED. WHEN YOU ARE POLLUTED WITH FEAR YOU NEED COMFORT. YOU CAN'T KILL WHAT YOU DON'T SEE. YOU CAN'T THINK WHAT YOU DON'T OWN. YOU CAN'T RUB WHAT YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE. YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU REALLY DESERVE. YOU CAN'T FIGHT IF YOU DON'T FEEL IT. OBEDIENCE PAYS IF YOU USE IT RIGHT. YOU DEGRADE YOURSELF WHEN YOU HIDE YOUR FEAR. WHEN YOU EAT YOUR PAIN YOU KEEP YOU NERVE. USE IT RIGHT. OR DON'T FEEL IT. USE IT RIGHT OR DON'T FEEL IT.

- m. gira

SWANS: COP

The Circle and The Cross

The Great Day of His Wrath has Come,
And Who will be able to Stand?
Thus I saw The Horse in a Vision,
Out of His mouth issued Fire and Brimstone,
And I beheld and heard an Angel Singing,
For the Great Day of His Wrath has Come.
Cast Their Crowns before the Throne,
And unto You I say, "You are Worthy,"
And I will Kill the Child with Death,
And I will Give Them the Morning Star.
Dost Thou not Judge and Avenge Us in Blood?
A Crown of Glory that not Fadeth Away.
For Thy Pleasure They are and were Created,
Insight like unto an Emerald.
And I heard a Voice,
A Voice of Great Thunder,
And I heard Pinions of Fire,
And there appeared a Great Wonder in Heaven,
Which is a Wonder that Deceiveth the Whole World,
An Image of Peace that shall Smite the Earth
with all Forms of Plague.
Indestinant Absence,
King of Kings, Lord of Lords.
There shall be no more Pain, nor Sorrow, nor Death,
For these Former Things have Passed Away,
May Your Circle be Unwoven,
Bye and bye Lord,
Bye and bye.

- rozz williams

SHADOW PROJECT: Dreams For The Dying
Stills from Ingmar Bergman's Det sjunde inseglet ("The Seventh Seal", 1957)

飴色の背中に悲しみのくきがのびる

「月光の白き林で
木の根掘れば蝉の蛹のいくつも出てきし
ああ

それはあなたを思い過ぎて変わり果てた私の姿
月光も凍てつく森で
樹液すする私は虫の女」

戸川純：『玉姫様』

This is Togawa Jun's 1984 debut solo album, Tamahimesama ("Jewel Princess").
This is the voice of Heaven. This is the voice of the Divine.

なんていいかげんな私なんだ

御前ノ部屋ニ忍ビ込ンデ・・・

get down on your knees and cry alone.....

"The sex in your soul will damn you to hell

Damn you to hell
I will be there
When he calls my number I will be there
Let the light come in
Damn you to hell
Now save your soul
Damn you to hell
Now save your soul
Damn you to hell
Save your soul"

SWANS: Live at the Paradiso, Amsterdam, 1988-
Part 1 and Part 2

painting: "Saint Agnes" by Lis Wright-Ivec
(egg tempera with gold leaf on wood panel)

aw fuck. i wish i could go.....

suicide ocean

".....I could almost cry like tears of blood

and slowly it evaporates
without a trace without a scar
sometimes too blue
the moment passes
overhead, so undetected
without default, with no perfection

I could close my eyes and sleep forever
locked inside this secret silence
whisper deep inside my head
slow motion sick
until tomorrow
rewind, erase and nothing remains
the way that nothing ever does
every face is familiar in the dark....."

LYDIA LUNCH: 13.13

美術／art: 丸尾末広／Maruo Suehiro

when clocks have run down

"that's when my love is in your hands,
take us back a thousand years,
when clocks have run down,
when walls of tears will follow,
smell of death is close."

photo: D. Gorton, "Mississippi State Mental Hospital, Whitfield, MS," 1970

MIGHTY SPHINCTER: In the Kingdom of Heaven

And a Wolf Shall Devour the Sun

"Each day Sun and Moon were pursued by the enormous wolves Skoll, Hati, and Managarm. Kept by Angur-boda, fed on the bone marrow of murders and adulterers, of which there was no end, they grew stronger and stronger. Each day they got closer to Sol (Sun) and Mani (Moon) until one day their jaws closed around them and the life was crushed out of them. Their blood dripped from the wolves' jaws and poured down on the earth."

- Barry Holstun Lopez, Of Wolves and Men, pp. 275-276.
Artwork: "The Wolves Pursuing Sol and Mani" by J. C. Dollman, 1909.

Forgotten Woods: As the Wolves Gather