A story in the news made me laugh last year. It was about how fitness bootcamps in public spaces like parks and beaches were starting to embarrass the locals. People weren’t keen on these obnoxious shows of good health.

I can totally understand people wanting to walk their dogs in the morning without being confronted by twenty-five sweaty asses in activewear doing the “downward dog”.

And I don’t want to be in my dressing gown staring vacantly at a piece of toast in my own kitchen and have wafting in through my window the sound of some Commando-type of guy shouting at sweaty people to Go Harder and You Can Do It.

Ordinary people want to be able to go out for coffee without being hit in the eye by someone else’s endorphins, thank you very much.

Public exercise can be tricky. On my daily jog I used to pass a group of elderly Chinese practicing Tai Chi in the park, and it was cool, it had dignity, like really slow dancing. (I used to give them a subtle wave as I passed each day – not sure if it was a “Yo, fitness solidarity!” wave or a “Yo, fellow Asians!” wave, or maybe just a “You here again?!” wave. Either way, they ignored me.) But anyway, on that same run I used to pass a solitary elderly Chinese lady in a different park, on a cross trainer, (which is like what a virtual reality cross-country skiing machine might look like if it was 1984). And I’ll be honest here – I sort of thought she looked like a dick.

NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK LIKE A DICK, right? Except for a guy named Dick. Or a person dressed up as a dick for a body-parts fancy dress party. Anyway, most of us need exercise and most of us don’t want to look stupid while we’re doing it.

Which brings me to my next point:

For fair dinkum, to-your-core fitness, exercise needs to be more than just a once-a-day thing. You need to do a couple of things in a day – like, lift weights AND chase wild brumbies. So let’s say you’ve done your pilates class and you’re heading to the beach, this is actually a good opportunity to get extra exercise! So how can you exercise – discreetly – during a trip to the beach?

Top five way

1. Run for icecream. That will involve going through dry sand (ouch), buying a couple of cones, then running back to your friends while melting icecream streams down your wrists.

2. The obvious one is – get in the waves. If the surf’s up, you may even have to fight to keep your swimmers on, and you never saw anyone move quicker than the girl who lost her bikini bottom.

3. While you’re out in deep water, really think about what’s lurking beneath your feet. Sharks? Jellyfish? Sting rays? UGH!

4. Play volleyball like you’re in ‘Top Gun’. I don’t know anyone who has ever done this who wasn’t a backpacker, but go for it, be the first!

5. Okay, this is another obvious one, but go for a jog along the firm sand. Everyone else is doing it, you don’t look like a fool, and you’ll be all warmed up for your swim/nap.

The awesome person who wrote this...

Yumi Stynes

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Yumi Stynes was planning to die young, leaving behind an unfit and bloated corpse until an epiphany sent her on a health journey that continues today. She's been interviewing rock bands, actors, chefs and other inspiring creative types since 2000 and most days can be found going for a run, cooking incredible food or trying to make someone laugh.