Give real Easter eggs, or give up parenting
Some people just shouldn't be parents. No, I don't mean anti-vaxxers.
Blunt Instrument - by John Birmingham
'Lord Mayor, you owe me two bucks'
Graham Quirk has days left to come through with the coins.
Parliament full of footballers could be a smart play
It's easy to make fun of footballers going into politics.
I have a job for the Police Minister
I'm sure we have all "occasionally used firearms to dispose of vermin".
History will judge those who tried to remove baby Asha
I would have bet good, folding money they'd have come for that baby at four in the morning.
Alcohol laws must save lives, but not kill nightlife
Many cities manage the magic trick of being up all night without having to wash rivers of blood out of the gutters every morning.
CSIRO cuts bring Australia global fame for choosing stupid
From the earliest days of the penal colony the journals of the First Fleet officers remarked upon the weird, often violent climatic changes that made survival in the antipodes such a fraught, contingent affair.
Blunt Instrument: Heat blast is no excuse to be naked at me
COMMENT: I know it's hot, but that doesn't mean freaks can walk around wearing non-existent pants.
Nobody cares about Australia Day, so why not change it?
Disconnect with date should be reason enough to change it.
Give them their X-Files, or they'll take it
Why is Ten holding back rebooted X-Files after it airs in the US?
Birmingham: Coward punches, it's a guy thing
You can bring in laws, but until men change, nothing will.
Birmingham: Why I fell out of love with Christmas ham
It's over between us, Christmas ham. I want you out of my fridge now.
Mob rule shall not overrule justice
COMMENT The crowd gathered at King George Square thought they were decent people coming together to right an injustice of the Court of Appeal. But they were a mob.
Clinical hangover cure? I'll drink to that
Never learn your lesson about drinking too much.
Malcolm Turnbull's ideas idea is ideal turnaround for Australia
Malcolm Turnbull had an idea once. Along with some other guys, he helped turn it into a company called Ozemail and trousered a shedload of the folding stuff out of the deal.
Thank god for earthly angels when death comes
There are those among us, rare indeed, who hold our hands as we pass through pain, fear and confusion.
John Birmingham: We are all haters now
Just because you're offended, doesn't make you right.
Beating ISIL takes hard work and thought, not mindless revenge
Horror and hysteria is understandable. Western countries are generations removed from the violence which is a banal reality throughout most of the world (and which we have been visiting upon the rest of the world for more than five hundred years now).
Viewer stews because Crabb didn't skewer
In Brisbane on a cookbook tour, Annabel Crabb was grilled on whether she let off Scott Morrison too lightly on her cooking and politics show.
Act on climate change, or give up and die
Argument against doing anything is argument in favour of death.
Time for a tech-savvy zombie plan
Evolving technologies have rendered my zombie plan obsolete.
Smashing time until someone ends up under the table
I feel for the staff of the Department of Parliamentary Services, for I too have lost a much-loved coffee table.
JB's tribute: Sam de Brito lived a life of truth
People die. They leave us behind. They go when they're old, when they're young, whether they're loved or alone. Sometimes you see it coming. Sometimes you don't.
The snag that really burns me up about daylight saving
Daylight savings time is upon us again, or not, but nobody seems to give a damn about the costs and difficulties imposed on JB at this time each year.
Apple Maps error ... and nine other explanations for sinkhole
The government is lying to you about the enormous sinkhole that swallowed a whole beach on the Sunshine Coast.
Airborne invasion or just flipping me the bird?
You have your realm and I have mine, and the freshly baked, hot buttered muffin which I was enjoying for breakfast yesterday morning lay well within the boundaries of mine.
How John Birmingham became caught in the eye of the spill
I planned to sneak around whispering, "Didja hear? It's on!" A few minutes after landing, however, I discovered it really was on.
Would IS make us take domestic violence seriously?
Battles in Australian homes dwarf those in the Middle East.
Birmingham: History's lessons are always in fashion
Heed a great teacher and you might leave the world a little better off.
Special offer from Nigeria for Dyson Heydon
I repose great confidence in you and your handling of delicate emails.