Disobedience by A A Milne (read by Tom O'Bedlam)

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• published: 18 Oct 2009
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A police spokeman said that James' mother had been seen in the red light district during the schoolday wearing thigh boots and a short gold lamé dress that barely covered her pelvis. They have interviewed her regulars except for Weatherby and they'd like to hear from anybody who knows his whereabouts. Dr. Phil opined, "Kids will find some way to blame themselves for their mommy's misdeeds but in this case James is a controlling, insufferable little prig." James replied that he looked like a Heffalump. Dr. Phil said sternly, "Look here boy, y'gotta realise that callin people names is jest plain flat-out wrong, 'cepting when ah'm doin' it. Don' fergit this ole country boy is a hunnerd times biggern y'all." * * * * * * * * * * * * * I had to write an essay called "Disobedience" once. At the time I was becoming an expert on the subject, as boys do in adolescence. I remember that I was acting-up in Biology - showing off for the girls most likely - and the lady teacher, whose name I conveniently forget, inflicted the punishment on me. She demanded an essay on "Disobedience" by the following morning. Like a red rag to bull, it was. She had not stipulated that I should write from any specific point-of-view, so I chose to be "for" rather than "against" - I said what a great thing disobedience was because it saved mankind from the oppression of tyrants. And so on, for the stipulated thousand words. I kicked off with a quotation from Bernard Shaw, "Disobedience, the rarest and most courageous of all the virtues, is rarely distinguished from neglect, the laziest and commonist of all the vices." The essay didn't go down at all well. I had expected admonishment and pique tempered by a badly-hidden smile or two. Not a bit of it. She had a melt-down into a puddle of incontinent rage, showered me with spittle during her angry expostulations and forced me to do it over again. She made me miss the school-bus home. This meant I had to walk six miles when I could have been sitting next to Mary M***** who always permitted a few surreptitious liberties with her person. The injustice of it all offended me greatly. Damn it, it was a fine essay and a legitimate argument: I took a couple of hours over the writing of it. Her reaction made me question whether frumpy, middle-aged spinsters had any sense of humour and whether their state could be explained by their lack thereof. I thought her funny bone must have been missing that protruberance labelled "irony" in Gray's Anatomy. Now I reflect on the matter I realise that I was a terrible, impudent fellow and, worse still, over the years I must admit I haven't improved that much. However I'm in good company: "Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion." said Oscar Wilde. "Disobedience: The silver lining to the cloud of servitude." said Ambrose Bierce. "Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves." said James Henry Thoreau. The picture is from "When We Were Very Young", the anthology of children's verse which includes this poem.