U.S.S. Stephen Colbert

Why only honor Stephen Colbert now? This honors him in the (possible) future.

That ship is totally getting written into the U.S.S. Bob stories!

Cookie Monster: Vindicated

After three years of being forced to express a public preference for fruit and eggplant, the Cookie Monster was vindicated by the weight loss success of followers of The Cookie Diet.

Random Encounter Table: Arctic and Sub-Arctic

Well, Stephen, I did look it up and see that you rolled something between an 11 and 15. And wouldn't that be a *pair* of Frost Giants? Perhaps an ambiguously gay duo of Frost Giants? I rolled a 43 and, sure, that may only be an Arctic Hare (solitary) but I tell you it has FANGS!

We're Number One!

We get excited when the Thoughts come up as the first Google hit for things. It's just cool.

• Colbert fan fiction
• Kevin Smith 37
• employee hierarchy of needs
• Ghost Hunters fan fiction
• maybe I'm a dreamer
• the Doobie brothers broke up
• hyperintelligent shade of the color blue
• monk's head cheese
  

When do you come up #1 on Google?

Hidden Danger

As Stephen Colbert said, "I look at the hidden dangers of hybrid cars. Danger #1: You can’t shut up about how you drive a hybrid car."

You Are a Very Green Driver

Saving the planet is probably pretty important to you. If not, saving some money definitely is! You don't use much gas when you drive, and you only drive when necessary. Only if everyone else showed so much restraint!

Are You a Green Driver?

Leader of the Factinistas

I'm not sure if it was a request or observation, but Haroon posted "Ready made Ontologies for merging and reuse?" on Soogle. May we here at TTGSiMH suggest FactGuru.

And on the Fourth Day of Christmas I Gave You Poll Results

Our poll numbers show that what we most wanted for Christmas this year was World Peace... or for Congress to get a clue. And let it be known that NO ONE wanted a scarf. It apparently is NOT the default Christmas gift that we all thought it was. Thanks to everyone who voted!

World peace	2 (22%)
For the Congress to get a clue	2 (22%)
My dream job	0 (0%)
Daily Show DVD	1 (11%)
A snazzy scarf	0 (0%)
Colbert Report DVD	1 (11%)
The top five on my Amazon WishList	1 (11%)
For my family to get along	1 (11%)
More TTGSiMH	1 (11%)

Top Hits This Week on TTGSiMH

God Rest Ye, Unitarians
Soogle
Soogle Strikes Again - Recent Searches Solved

The Unitarian song still makes me laugh... The search post being searched seems like looking in a mirror in a mirror in a mirror... But it proves that once people are looking for something they will keep looking for it.


Another search that came in this week pointed out that... we're still #1 in Colbert Fan Fiction! That's my Wikiality, baby!

Yes, I know, there are only about two paragraphs of Stephen vs. the Factinistas. But obviously the agreed upon reality - Wikiality - is that WE ARE NUMBER ONE!!!

Because Stephen would have wanted it that way.

Welcome to Wikiality - The Illustrated Version

The WikiWorld project entertains me to no end. I stumbled across the project by way of the Thagomizer (in and of itself a very entertaining story, passed along by Chip from Science Fiction Brewed Daily). I'm delighted that this image features Spock, that they've captured the sport of Extreme Ironing, and commemorated the Five Second Rule.

If you were going to illustrate a piece of Wikiality, which one would you choose?

I think that I would have to go for a blend of philosophers and comedians. And the people who combine the two into philosotainment. For all I know Scott Adams coined the term, but I don't think that he is the first practitioner. For instance, Will Rogers and Steve Martin jump to mind.

I.AM.STEPHEN.COLBERT!!!

At least according to this test.

Your Score: Stephen Colbert

"Every time the President comes up with a new secret tactic to take down al Qaeda, the media blows its cover. Torture, monitoring our phone calls, monitoring our emails, secret prisons, all perfectly reasonable temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war on terror."

You are Steven Colbert! Respected... Trustworthy... Smooth. You are steering the great ship of News through the channels of Truth. He's a journalist with gravitas, with dignity, with balls.
Like Colbert you help people see the absurdities of those in public office with humor. A stand up guy running for office. Definitely one to rattle the cage.

Link: The which comic are you akin to Test written by marymolotov696 on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Note: I corrected the spelling of my name. They had spelled it "Steven."

One Thing is Not Necessarily Like the Other

Yesterday John Scalzi admitted that he's never read any of the Harry Potter books although, he says, "I saw one of the Potter books on a shelf and flipped open to a random page to get a sense of JK Rowling's writing style. After a few pages I decided that I would probably think better of the books if I didn't actually read any further." He then went on to point out that he likes the movies fine and referenced a previous post where he had said that The Lord of the Rings is an example of where the movies were better than the books.

In fact, one could argue -- now that the technology exists to illustrate the nature of his creation -- Tolkien's world is uniquely suited for film. The man created a vast store of world-building material for filmmakers to work with, including a history, a mythology, a geography and a bestiary. As a culture, Middle-Earth is arguably better known than some actual cultures that existed on this planet. ~ John Scalzi, Why the Film is Better than the Book

Actually, doesn't that mean that it would be even better to make this something you can experience? If there were only some way that we could engage ourselves interactively with that world... Oh, right. Gaming. You can try it out by playing Lord of the Rings Online.

I'm trying to imagine the reaction that my LOTR-loving friends would have to Scalzi's opinion. All of them love the movies because the movies were, indeed, reverent explorations of Tolkien's world. But I think that they would stop far short of saying that the books themselves are anything less than great works. And we're not talking about people who wouldn't have an opinion on literature. The three that come to mind have, in descending order of magnitude, a Masters in Literature (focus, Wordsworth), a Bachelors in English, and just a butt-load of literature classes for fun while getting a Bachelors in Biology. In the group I'm the low man on the totem pole, literary wise. (It hurts to say that, but it's true.)

Of course, this is basically Scalzi's opinion vs. the opinion of my peeps. What other sources could we turn to? Colbert would probably point out that the market has spoken, which makes both the book and the movie great. But certainly there are other people to cite. How about some literary reviews?

". . . the Tolkien mass popularity was not fostered by the mass media; it grew from the excellencies and appeals of the work itself and was simply reported in the media" ~Neil D. Issacs, On the Possibility of Writing Tolkien Criticism

"And all the time we know that the fate of the world depends far more on the small movement than on the great. This is a structural invention of the highest order: it adds immensely to the pathos, irony and grandeur of the tale." ~ C. S. Lewis, The Dethronement of Power (granted, they were peeps...)

"The Quest is one of the oldest, hardiest, and most popular of all literary genres. In some instances it may be founded on historical fact - the Quest of the Golden Fleece may have its origin in the search of seafaring traders for amber - and certain themes, like the theme of the enchanted cruel Princess whose heart can be melted only by the predestined lover, may be distorted recollections of religious rites, but the persistent appeal of the Quest as a literary form is due, I believe, to its validity as a symbolic description of our subjective personal experience of existence as historical... The essential elements in this typical Quest story are six. (1) A precious Object and/or Person to be found and possessed or married. (2) A long journey to find it, for its whereabouts are not originally known to the seekers. (3) A hero. The precious Object cannot be found by anybody, but only be the one person who possesses the right qualities of breeding or character. (4) A Test or a series of Tests by which the unworthy are screened out, and the hero revealed. (5) the Guardians of the Object who must be overcome before it can be won. They may be simply a further test of the hero's arete, or they may be malignant in themselves. (6) The Helpers who with their knowledge and magical powers assist the hero and but for whom he would never succeed. They may appear in human or animal form." ~ W. H. Auden, The Quest Hero (I know that my excerpt doesn't include a direct reference to Tolkien, but the set up is what he uses to later illustrate how Tolkien fulfilled it. I doubt you want to read the whole paper.)

And if you're a real Tolkienite (is that a word?) you have probably read The Road to Middle-earth, Shippey, 1982. Shippey has released a new (2001) tome called J.R.R. Tolkien, Author of the Century. A book review by David Bratman at The Mythopoeic Society notes: "By its deliberately provocative title, Shippey means two things -- that Tolkien was one of the great authors of the 20th century, despite critical attempts to dismiss his importance; and that Tolkien was an author of the century, a characteristically 20th-century writer, despite perceptions of him as a medieval atavism. Shippey discusses the curious critical neglect of Tolkien, and finds striking similarities between Tolkien and modern authors as different as George Orwell and William Golding."

What do you think? Are the LOTR books great books? Are the movies great movies? Is the game a great game? Do any of those things have an inter-relationship, meaning that greatness (or non-greatness) in one area inspires another?

Oh, and a post script. I made it through the first three Harry Potter books but lost interest during the fourth one and just set it aside. I see the movies, but not with any enthusiasm.

*Update 1/5/10: This post can now be reached through http://tinyurl.com/scalziquote

Tagline Graveyard

I just wanted to create a memorial to old taglines. And make a place to put other taglines in case I ever decide to give up "#1 in Colbert Fan Fiction." Yeah, like that's ever going to happen in this wikiality.

During our political heyday:
All the liberal, and twice the caffeine...

The shorter version:
Welcome to our virtual frontier cabin.

Our original tagline:
Welcome to the frontier. One day we will all be in our porch rockers saying, "Yep, I remember when internet space stretched as far as the eye could see and all you needed to get you a piece was set up a name. Back then you just staked your claim and you could have your own little place...." So consider this our virtual frontier cabin.

Stephen vs. the Factinistas: Episode Two

Deep within the Factinista headquarters, hidden within the very deepest, darkest recesses of the South America jungle, under a mountain, beside a raging river, and just down from that little taco stand that serves those really great café brèves (you know the place I'm talking about), Commander Sue was working diligently on her Very Facty Plan.

The reports she was receiving told her that the memo about an attack on the studio were having the desired affect. The interns were losing their minds with worry and were desperate to raise the cash for a little private security. Now, with just a small donation and the right word in the right ear... Yes, this Very Facty Plan was going swimmingly.

Getting to Know Me...

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 7am
2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? Hmmm, pressurized carbon or oyster phlegm...
   
3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE T.V. SHOW? Current? The Colbert Report!
   
4. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? Breakfast?
   
5. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Mine, not yours. :) It's a family name.
   
6. FAVORITE CUISINE? Hmmm. Depends on my mood. Haven't we covered this food thing with me before?
   
7. WHAT FOODS DO YOU DISLIKE? Bad food.
   
8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHIP FLAVOR? Sour cream and onion.
   
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD AT THE MOMENT? CD? How old school. I keep hitting my humor mix on my iPod which starts off with Ultimate Showdown and White and Nerdy.
   
10. KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? Sedan.
11. FAVORITE SANDWICH? Oh, food again... Egg salad is always good.
    
12. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE? Evil. I hate evil. It actually gives me the wiggins.
    
13. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU LOVE MOST? Good. Humanity, altruism, kindness...
14. FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? Purple leather bomber jacket. Yes, I own AND WEAR a purple leather bomber jacket. Heck, I have purple suede gloves and boots, too.
    
15. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? The vault at Fort Knox... can I get some souveniers...?
    
16. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? A sort of foresty light gray-green. I love that color.
    
17. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? My new favorite designer is Dana Buchman. Is that the same as a favorite brand?
    
18. TO WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE? Not sure. I think I have some time to decide.
    
19. WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? When I turned 30 we combined a fancy restaurant with a Scooby-doo themed party. I got a stuffed Scooby and wore it on my head the rest of the night because I thought I should "put on the dog." I swear I wasn't drinking alcohol.
    
20. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Probably ice skating. It's the only "sport" I will watch on TV. I prefer everything else live - baseball and football games are my favorite live sports.
    
21. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS? Out onto the internets.
    
22. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? Gosh, that's personal. I'm a Scorpio. We like to be more secretive than that...
    
23. WHEN IS YOUR ANNIVERSARY? ???!!! October.
    
24. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT PERSON? Night owl!
    
25. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? Writer.
26. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Milky Way Midnight!
27. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Iris.
28. WHAT IS A DATE ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? Tomorrow. There's always tomorrow...
29. FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Span of the United States.
30. NAME A SMALL THING YOU REALLY ENJOY: Bite size Milky Way Midnight!

Stephen vs. the Factinistas: Episode One

Colbert snapped his cuff link in place and studied his face in the mirror. Fortunately the Truth was strong in him and the stress of the last forty eight hours wasn't showing. The memo his interns had received while he'd been on vacation had sent them into a panic. They had called and called and called until it had just been easier to talk to them than to keep hanging up. He would have fired them if they didn't work for free and shine his shoes to such a nice, shiny gloss. A shiny, shiny gloss...

Right, the memo. The Factinistas were determined to strike within the studio. He didn't see what all of the fuss was about. The interns had been all, "What will we do?" and "Are we safe?" and "Oh no, when are they coming?" Ridiculous. Stephen gave himself The Eyebrow in the mirror and considered that perhaps tonight's Word should be "Interns Have No Balls." He knew he had the Truth on his side. Factinistas attacking inside the studio wasn't possible. The interns could hire all of the security staff they wanted to. Using their own funds, of course, which they seemed to have raised with desperate phone calls to grandparents and friends that had gotten real jobs. But it really didn't matter because the idea was preposterous. Stephen gave the mirror one more look and headed out into the studio lights.

New Year, New TTGSiMH

HAPPY NEW YEAR! You're probably wondering what TTGSiMH has in store for you this year. I'm sure you couldn't wait to find out, so fortunately for you the wait is over!!!

MONDAYS: What could be geekier for me to do than a FOIA request on the future? Check in on Mondays to see sci-fi bureaucracy. Or there may be posts on just sci-fi or just bureaucracy. Who's to say?

TUESDAYS: Use every Tuesday to vote with your mind and come over to TTGSiMH to read about progressive politics and the bloggers who blog them.

WEDNESDAYS: It's all about writing! Fiction, non-fiction, and screenwriting, with writers' blog roundups and updates on my writing pursuits.

THURSDAYS: A day for toys and fun - internet games, updates on my NeoPet, and that sort of thing. Also reports on other bloggers who have posted fun things on their blogs.

FRIDAYS: The only problem with The Colbert Report is that it's only on four days a week! Get your Colbert fix on Fridays by coming to TTGSiMH to check out the latest installment of Colbert Fan Fiction and find out about Stephen battling the Factinistas.

SATURDAYS: Pop Psych! Yes, I will try to contain all of my tests and pop psych ruminations on a day when you're not likely to come by. Isn't that kind of me?

SUNDAYS: Deep thoughts on philosophy, spirituality, and cheese. That last part was just to see if you were still reading...

TTGSiMH Opinion Poll

I'm thinking about trying this whole new direction with my blog where I, you know, actually make some real posts. Even without much attention ye olde TTGSIMH continues to get 20+ hits per day. Thank ya'll for coming by. Now you can express your opinion on what you should be finding when you stop in. You can actually vote once a day so your insistence will be noted.

Which direction should I take with my blog?
	Start that Colbert Fan Fiction!
	Stay with the personality tests. They're working for you. Really.
	Go back to progressive politics.
	Try out humorous 'slice of life' essays.
	A mix of everything above, but sheesh - post a little more often!
	Something else, which I posted in the comments.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Tip o' the hat to Evil Spock for finding Pollhost.com.
(Originally posted 12/7/06 11:24PM, moved to the top.)

It Was a Dark and Stormy Stephen

Now that I've found out that I am #1 in "Colbert Fan Fiction" I feel that I really need to dedicate myself more seriously to my craft. The three basic plots, I suppose, are Stephen versus Stephen, Stephen versus nature (e.g., bears), and Stephen versus supernature (e.g., liberals). No, seriously, liberals. I don't mean to get all facty on you, but the first definition of supernatural on dictionary.com is, "of, pertaining to, or being above or beyond what is natural; unexplainable by natural law or phenomena; abnormal." I rest my case.

Colbert Fan Fiction

Need Colbert Fan Fiction? Then you came to the top spot in this Wikiality. Right, because this is Wikiality you won't really get much ACTUAL Colbert Fan Fiction here, but we are pretty consistently the #1 ranked Google page for the search. We will enhance our Colbert Fan Fiction selection by your request (leave some comments) or IF STEPHEN FEATURES US ON A 'WHO IS HONORING ME NOW' SEGMENT! The story of Stephen and the Factinistas is dying to be written, but only he can make it move from Wikiality to Reality. ~ 2/26/2010 Update
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If you really came here looking for Colbert Fan Fiction, please go to the Colbert page. All things Stephen that we've written will be referenced there.
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ORIGINAL POST 10/22/06
I just checked and it turns out that I am the #2 Google result for Colbert Fan Fiction. This makes me think that I should get serious about writing my Colbert Fan Fiction. Although for now I'm perfectly happy to hold my place on Colbert Fan Fiction by simply referring to "Colbert Fan Fiction" over and over.

But remember, you read it here first. Thoughts That Get Stuck in My Head: #2 in Colbert Fan Fiction. If I can just take down Colbert Nation, then I can be #1.

Travel Plans

A place cool enough to name a bridge after Stephen is cool enough to visit. (And I'm sure that's exactly what they were hoping we would think.) Check out the Budapest, Hungary Tourism Office. Start planning now so you can visit Hid Colbert in 2008.