It’s Friday, and Mike just opened a little jar of fart scent, so my nose is currently in a tube of hand cream. Avocado oil never smelled so good! The origins of the fart scent jar are complicated, but you should know that it’s real, it spreads rapidly, and it smells like rotting olives.
Moving on, I thought I’d take the time to share 10 tips for those who might one day find themselves in the shoes boots (it’s Chicago) of a Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me intern:
If there’s going to be pimento mac&cheese for dinner, bring tupperware. I don’t know your mac&cheese fortitude, but I suggest multiple.
If you need to interview Wrinkles, the scary clown from South Florida, don’t text him from your cellphone. Because you’ll only later realize that he now has your name and your number. And that makes it very hard to sleep at night.
If you’re asked to wrap a present exclusively with US Weekly pages, sorry but you’ll never do a better job than I did, so you might as well say no.
If you’re going to be in Des Moines for a road show, get take out pizza from Fong’s, the asian-italian fusion place where you can get your pad thai and hunan chicken on a freakin’ slice of pizza.
If you hear hushed talks about jumping into a pool of jello, volunteer yourself. (Still working on this one).
If the squatty potty that Mike ordered for Peter, but which Peter refused to take home, is still here when you arrive, try to sneak it home yourself. You won’t regret it. Invest in your health, young intern!
Similarly, when a copy of a cat book gets sent to the office, put your finger on your nose as soon as possible. Nose goes.
If the celebrity guest is going to be a supermodel who has done Playboy and the likes, be careful googling at work…
If you’re going to write a cheese pun, make it cow-nt.
If you’re asked to be buried alive for the sake of “research” or “journalism” or “The Academy,” say no! You’ll never get out!
That’s all I got, folks! Tune in next week.
<3 Candace
Our brilliant intern Candace has some important advice on how to succeed as a How To Do Everything and Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me intern.
