Latest Blunt Instrument articles
Malcolm Turnbull's ideas idea is ideal turnaround for Australia
John Birmingham Malcolm Turnbull had an idea once. Along with some other guys, he helped turn it into a company called Ozemail and trousered a shedload of the folding stuff out of the deal.
Thank god for earthly angels when death comes
John Birmingham There are those among us, rare indeed, who hold our hands as we pass through pain, fear and confusion.
John Birmingham: We are all haters now
John Birmingham Just because you're offended, doesn't make you right.
Beating ISIL takes hard work and thought, not mindless revenge
John Birmingham Horror and hysteria is understandable. Western countries are generations removed from the violence which is a banal reality throughout most of the world (and which we have been visiting upon the rest of the world for more than five hundred years now).
Viewer stews because Crabb didn't skewer
John Birmingham In Brisbane on a cookbook tour, Annabel Crabb was grilled on whether she let off Scott Morrison too lightly on her cooking and politics show.
Act on climate change, or give up and die
John Birmingham Argument against doing anything is argument in favour of death.
Time for a tech-savvy zombie plan
John Birmingham Evolving technologies have rendered my zombie plan obsolete.
Smashing time until someone ends up under the table
John Birmingham I feel for the staff of the Department of Parliamentary Services, for I too have lost a much-loved coffee table.
JB's tribute: Sam de Brito lived a life of truth
John Birmingham People die. They leave us behind. They go when they're old, when they're young, whether they're loved or alone. Sometimes you see it coming. Sometimes you don't.
The snag that really burns me up about daylight saving
John Birmingham Daylight savings time is upon us again, or not, but nobody seems to give a damn about the costs and difficulties imposed on JB at this time each year.
Apple Maps error ... and nine other explanations for sinkhole
John Birmingham The government is lying to you about the enormous sinkhole that swallowed a whole beach on the Sunshine Coast.
Airborne invasion or just flipping me the bird?
John Birmingham You have your realm and I have mine, and the freshly baked, hot buttered muffin which I was enjoying for breakfast yesterday morning lay well within the boundaries of mine.
How John Birmingham became caught in the eye of the spill
John Birmingham I planned to sneak around whispering, "Didja hear? It's on!" A few minutes after landing, however, I discovered it really was on.
Would IS make us take domestic violence seriously?
John Birmingham Battles in Australian homes dwarf those in the Middle East.
Birmingham: History's lessons are always in fashion
John Birmingham Heed a great teacher and you might leave the world a little better off.
Special offer from Nigeria for Dyson Heydon
John Birmingham I repose great confidence in you and your handling of delicate emails.
Divorce lawyers to cash in on Ashley Madison hack
John Birmingham Lawyer's fees will go up, as family home prices go down.
Blunt Instrument: What if politicians had no parties to stand on?
John Birmingham What if none of this was Tony Abbott's fault? Or Julia Gillard's? Can you imagine a world when it was the ideas that mattered?
Old houses fall, but new stories will be told
John Birmingham Vale 60 York St, but more stories will come along.
Can we really hope that Goodes saga is over?
John Birmingham It was a beautiful thing, what happened on the weekend.
The horror: Hip hop music has become old people music
John Birmingham This is horrifying. Not Mick Fanning shark punch up horrifying. This is worse. Hip hop is now old people music.
Blunt instrument: Harden up Queensland, it's not that cold
John Birmingham You people are soft. First hint of frost on the air and you're all wearing four layers of snuggies.
Marriage equality: Abbott focused on remaining distracted
John Birmingham For a government so very keen not to be distracted by same sex marriage, the Abbott government is doing a hell of a job distracting itself
Music streaming services still pulling a Swifty
John Birmingham Taylor Swift did me a favour last week when she saved the world from Apple's music streaming snatch and grab.
My credit card interest is higher than Amex's tax bill
John Birmingham I "paid" the interest bill on my credit card last week, which is to say the bank added a couple of hundred dollars to the already ruinous balance on my plastic.
Give me good burgers or give me death
John Birmingham I once spent over two hundred dollars on a hamburger. Well over. Don't you be hatin' on me. It was a damn fine burger.
Manspreading, our God-given right as men
John Birmingham Gentlemen, prepare yourselves. We are at war and we face the final assault on the last bastion of the sole surviving freedom left to a man.
No marriage equality, but uncles can wed their nieces
John Birmingham It'd be a real pity if Cardinal Pell couldn't find time in his busy Roman schedule to pop back home and attend the Royal Commission into child abuse.
Forensically examining the reek of their own brain farts
John Birmingham It's easy to imagine Leigh 'Redbeard' Sales and Emma 'The Stangler' Alberici with knives in their eyes and cutlass to hand making short work of a pompous, ruffle-wearer like Bolt, but one would have thought Malcolm Turnbull was made of sterner stuff.
