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How We Got Even Dumber Watching TV ‘News’ On San Bernardino
Jesus, but this story was an effing mess. Watching the major networks (primarily Fox, MSNBC, and CNN, although at one point we flipped to CBSNews for about 20 minutes because we needed a power nap), yr...
Daily Beast Finds Terroristy Name In Phone Book, Solves San Bernardino Case
It's not like none of us in journalism has ever shit the bed on a story before; it's rather a rite of passage. I once made a "dead gay son" joke without realizing Randall...
Cops Disappoint Fox News Morons, Still Refuse To Call San Bernardino Shootings ‘Terrorism’
The Fox News Couch of Knicker-Jizzing Hysteria was in full effect Thursday morning. Andrea Tantaros, Meghan McCain, and whatever the other ones' names are yapped at each other, because the latest press conference on...
Minneapolis Police Finally Bulldozed Those Pesky Black Lives Matters Protesters
Oh hi, it's snipy! You might know me from things like announcing Wonkette's official policy on Syrian civil war and helming your traditional viewing of the Sarah Palin Turkey Day Massacre. What you don't know about...
San Bernardino Mass Shooting GREAT News For Donald Trump
Another mass shooting happened in America, because Wednesday, and while Donald Trump, like his fellow Republican presidential candidates, was at first reserved in his response -- "California shooting looks very bad," he tweeted, failing...
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Your Best Black Friday Deals, Now No Money Off!
My sweets, you have nourished us and loved us and supported us all through the year. You didn't think you'd stop now, did you?
Come, let us travel together through the merry items in the...
Sara Benincasa’s ‘D.C. Trip,’ By Sara Benincasa, Reviewed. (By Sara Benincasa)
Oh, hello. My name is Sara Benincasa, and I have long been a contributor to yr Wonkette. Anyway, I am here on yr Wonkette to review my own lertest berk or “latest book,” a...
Send Your Fundie Sister Some Hope On A Rope Soap This War On Christmas Season!
"You could stay in the alley behind my Burbank soap factory," the lady was saying in the Wonkette comments. It didn't seem a better offer was coming in for places in Los Angeles to...
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Wussy President Obama Won’t Even Bomb ISIS For San Bernardino Shootings
Despite repeated calls by Fox News on Wednesday night for the president to finally put on his daddy jeans and automatically label acts of violence committed by anyone whose name sure sounds Muslimy "radical Islamic...
Here’s What We Know About San Bernardino Mass Shooting. The Rest Is Just Noise.
Fourteen people were murdered, and another 17 shot and injured, during a mass shooting on Wednesday, at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, a large facility that serves the developmentally disabled. It was...
Multiple Casualties Reported In San Bernardino Mass Shooting, Wonder If Guns Were Involved
This post has been updated. Scroll down for the latest.
It’s a day in America, so of course there's been another mass shooting -- the second one today. This time, it's in San Bernardino, California,...
Exxon Gonna Break Columbia University’s Kneecaps
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, pipeline disasters, and leaning on journalists who don't know what's good for 'em, do they, boss?
Remember how...
New Louisiana Governor Will Fill Bobby Jindal’s Seat With So Much Gayness
Elections matter, y'all. With term-limited Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal leaving office to spend more time begging the Duck Dynasty guys to let him be one of their white friends, voters had a choice: Do...
Surprise! Planned Parenthood Shooter Super Into Jesus, Adultery, Lady-Beating
You'll be shocked to learn the charming fella charged with murdering some folks at a Colorado Planned Parenthood has a long history of being being a raging evangelical anti-choice lady-beating kid-abandoning poop pile.
We'll give you a...
Texas Governor Succeeding At Being Biggest Douchebag To Syrian Refugees
Let's play a game. It's called "Which Governor In America Is The Absolute Worst?" Haha wait there is no way to win this game because in light of the Syrian refugee crisis, there are...
Ben Carson Remembers That Time Ben Franklin Gave God A Beej
Brilliant brain doctor Ben Carson is not only great at butchering live baby parts in half (true story!), but he is also great at historical fiction. And not just the Bible kind, though that is his specialty....
Jeb Wants A Bush On His Ticket
Oh Jeb, how have you got yourself caught in your own zipper this time? The usual: by saying words out loud.
“Should I be elected president, I would have my vice president — I think...
Mississippi Says Nice White Dad Died In Police Custody From Tripping Balls, Ayup
Hold on to your butts, Arkansas and Tennessee, because your dumb neighbor Mississippi MAY be tanked up on some really good acid right now. Or maybe it has made a great scientific breakthrough! Because...
Iowa Republican Would Like To Murder Some Foreigns If That’s All Right
Let's troll through the fever swamps of aspiring Republican politicians, shall we? Oh hello, kind Republican state Sen. Mark Chelgren of southeast Iowa, what do you have on your mind?
State Sen. Mark Chelgren, a...
Remember, Liberals: Ted Cruz And Dead Breitbart Are The Reason For The Season
Hooray, that dumb holiday where we eat 300 pounds of food and say we're "thankful" for "things" is over, and now we can go back to doing hot, wet War On Christmassing to each...
Let’s All Have A Jolly Laugh About AIDS With The Reagan Administration!
Watch this on The Scene.
Gosh, remember what a terrific president Saint Ronald Reagan was, what with taking credit for ending the USSR and taking credit for a mild economic expansion (but not for either...
Snot-Nosed Conservateen Does Not Want To Be Your Wingnut Hero No More
We hate to say we told you so, except for nuh uh, we love it. And we so told you so. This kid, CJ Pearson, he is kind of terrible. How terrible is he?...
Jeb! So Bad At Running For President That Even Herman Cain Is Mocking Him
Against all odds, Jeb! Bush has been running a campaign so godawful, so maladept, so mind-numbingly boring that we almost feel weirdly sorry for the guy. He's just so pathetic about the whole thing, veering...
Ted Cruz Hasn’t Sticked 17 Kids In His Wife’s Babyhole So Stop Whining, Hillary
You probably don't want to think about how Ted Cruz does the nasty to his wife. You probably don't want to think about Ted Cruz at all, really. But too bad for you. It's his turn to...
President Obama Knows Americans Aren’t Dumb Enough To Elect Republican President
President Obama took a moment during a press conference in Paris, where he's saying global warming lies in a French accent with his other presidenting buddies, to give U.S. America a desperately needed vote of confidence:...
Actual Black People Messing With Donald Trump’s YOOOGE Black Pastor Endorsements
You all know that Donald Trump only gets the very YOOOGEST, most classy endorsements, right? So when Trump says he is gonna be endorsed by black pastors, it means that he is going to have...
Alabama Lawmaker Boycotting Big Gulps And Lottery Tickets Because Muslims Are Gross
You know those quickie mart type places. You might even have one in your neighborhood, a little hole in the wall owned by the loveliest Middle Eastern couple who might be Muslim, might be...
Dudes Who Shot Up Black Lives Matter Crowd Not Quite Racist Enough For Hate Crimes Charge
We are learning ever so many charming things about the four dudebros arrested for the shooting attack on five people attending a Black Lives Matter protest in Minneapolis last week. For one thing, we...
