• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Kung Fu Christmas - National Lampoon
• Mother Goose's Wine - National Lampoon
• Deteriorata - National Lampoon

Ooooh, midnight in the ghetto street
A desperate boy, he wants somethin' t' eat
('Cause he's dead on his feet)
To "The Man" in the squad car, it's just his "beat"
(He don't care, he don't live there...)
He lives in Queens
(Not Manhattan or The Bronx, or, Brooklyn --Ahhhh,
oooooh!)
A thief on the roof, a mugger in the hall
(Stick 'em up, stick 'em up!)
A baby on the floor, eatin' paint off the wall
(How's he gonna grow tall?)
But, there's one time of year that brings joy to one
and all
(When ev'ry race has a smile on it's face...)
Ooooh...
Refrain 1:
Junkie on the corner, the Pusher uptown
Diggin' the Yuletide, Santa's gettin' down
Holiday colors of red and green
Turkey's big and fat and The Gangsta Lean
Numbers runner stops for a chat
The Apollo doorman tips his hat
And he says:
"Have a Kung-Fu Christmas!"
Livin' in The Ghetto, you always lose
They'll shoot ya' for your socks
And, they'll stick ya' for your shoes
When you're a Super Bad dude,
You pay Super Bad dues
(Where fear and strife is a way of life...)
But, there's a man comin' today
With lots of loot
He's got a Pimp-mo-sleigh,
A red and white fur suit
He's a SuperFly guy;
And, he's awful cu-u-ute
(He's about to arrive, bringing Jingle Bell Jive!)
Refrain 2:
Santa Claus is makin' the Soul Train scene
Slickin' down his beard with Afro Sheen®
Eeny meeny and miney mo
Frost in your hair, and snow up your nose
Diamond in the back, trimmed with holly
My girls are on the street, an' I'm feelin' jolly
Christmas Eve's comin' with the last-minute bustle

Thought I'd move out to Encino
Get out where the trees are green
But instead, I'm hooked on vino
I'm a wino at fourteen
Heard how evil drug abuse is
So I switched to alcohol
I get high on Mother Goose's
Though it tastes like Cheracol
Oh, my favorite juice is Mother Goose's
Sweet Potato sparkling wine
Let's get juiced on Mother Goose's
Mother Goose's sparkling wine
Nature dumps her sweet potatoes
In Mother Goose's sparkling wine
Apple cores and old tomatoes
And a dash of turpentine
Now, we're havin' some cold weather
Can't keep sleepin' on the street
Gotta get my head together
or I'll vomit on my feet
Blood bank opens at six-thirty
I'll be standin' in the line
Though the needle's sometimes dirty
Five bucks buys a jug of wine
Oh, my favorite juice is Mother Goose's
Sweet Potato sparkling wine
Let's get juiced on Mother Goose's
Mother Goose's sparkling wine
My favorite juice is Mother Goose's
Sweet Potato sparkling wine
Let's get juiced on Mother Goose's

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.....
Deteriorata! Deteriorata!
Go placidly
Amid the noise and waste.
And remember what comfort there may be
In owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons
Unless you are in need of sleep.
Ro-tate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice,
Even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss.....and when!
Consider that two wrongs never make a right
But that THREE.........do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and
disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer main-te-nance.
Chorus
You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Remember the Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mu-ti-
late.
Know yourself.
If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore;
It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth:
The birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan
And let not the sands of time
Get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time call 606-4311;
Ask for "Ken."
Take heart amid the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.
Chorus
You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore, make peace with your god
Whatever you conceive him to be---
Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal
The world continues to deteriorate.
GIVE UP!
Reprise
You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not