Jesus H. Christ

Q: What's the difference between a garbanzo bean & a chickpea? A: @realDonaldTrump didn't go to Moscow to have a garbanzo bean on his face.

President-elect @realDonaldTrump in a Twitter duel with Aaron Burr actor @BrandonVDixon? I like the direction this is heading.

Trending search on Facebook: "Friends Who Still Like Donald Trump"

If you’re a startup and your main competitor is apathy, then you’re not solving a big enough problem.

Every blunder Melania makes during this race is actually a net positive for putting women forward. #HRC

. @realDonaldTrump I have proof that Michelle Obama plagiarized Melania and owns a time machine. DM me.

"Delete your account." #FamousMelaniaTrumpQuotes

I just hit a #PokemonGo player with my car. They weren't playing at the time.

Independence from Britain never felt so good. #FourthOfJuly

Pro tip: Firing a white guy to improve your workplace diversity numbers is not legal, and it just pushes the problem off to another company.

My new metric for comparing startups is their parental leave / vesting period ratio.

Overheard: Having a baby in San Francisco is like having a down round.

A semi-nude photo of me is now on display at Hot Cookie in the Castro. Look to your left near the register. I'm the one hung like Jesus.

I know why the leave vote won. It's because I forgot to tweet 'Check yourself before you Brex yourself'

The old and uneducated made #Brexit happen. People should be given one vote for every tooth they have. #StopTrump #StopIdiocracy

The poor Queen. Her people voted to move her into a much worse retirement home against her will. #Brexit

Brexit? Cameron Out? Just waiting on Trump's election before I make my return.

How much did @markpinc pay for his cameo in Silicon Valley?

The San Francisco Sharks are so going to win. #StanleyCup