Thomas Jacob "Jack" Black (born August 28, 1969) is an American comedian, actor and musician. He makes up one half of the comedy and satirical rock duo Tenacious D. The group has three albums as well as a television series and a film. His acting career is extensive, starring primarily as bumbling, cocky, but internally self-conscious outsiders in comedy films. He was a member of the Frat Pack, a group of comedians who have appeared together in several Hollywood films, and has been nominated for a Golden Globe award. He has also won an MTV Movie Award, and a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award as well as hosting the 2006, 2008, and 2011 Kids Choice Awards.
Black was born in Santa Monica, California, the son of two satellite engineers, Judith (née Cohen), who worked on the Hubble Space Telescope, and Thomas William Black. His mother is Jewish and his father converted to Judaism (Black attended Hebrew school). On The Tonight Show, he said his surname may have come from the occupational name Blacksmith. Black's parents divorced when he was 10; Black moved to Culver City with his father and frequently visited his mother’s home. As a child, Black appeared in a commercial for the Activision game Pitfall! in 1982, which was later shown during an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live and again on The Tonight Show with Conan O' Brien. When Black entered high school, his parents enrolled him at the Poseidon School, a private secondary school engineered specifically for students struggling in the traditional school system. Black also attended the Crossroads School, where he excelled in drama. He later attended UCLA but dropped out during his sophomore year to pursue a career in entertainment, at which point his father discontinued his financial support.[citation needed] Fellow UCLA alumnus Tim Robbins later cast Black in Bob Roberts. He also had recurring roles on the HBO sketch comedy series Mr. Show.
Plot
Keywords: hardcore, sex
Plot
Hollywood, California is turned upside down by a series of strange and horrific murders creating chaos and turmoil in tinsel town. One particular victim is kidnapped, held captive and subjected to witness the torture and murder of numerous other victims. It is by her will, strength, and faith that she must survive the ordeal. Her escape seems hopeless and only worsens when outside supernatural forces become more difficult to contend with than her captor...
Keywords: ambulance, blood-splatter, blueprint, cage, cannibal, chain, church, circular-saw, claw-hammer, computer
If you can't be something great...do something terrible.
Plot
The story of an art rebel who broke all rules for Southern women in order to live alone up north so that she could fulfill her dreams of dedicating her life to the creation of her art and leaving an inspiring legacy to her small Alabama hometown by establishing an art museum there.
Keywords: alabama, art, fayette, folk-art, museum, outsider-art, preservation, sudduth, women-artist
To have the power. Once in a lifetime
Plot
A television actor drinks too much and gets blackballed from the industry, and then he decides to break back in by directing his own movie. Eventually, he gets sober, and then falls off the wagon and goes crazy and turns his film into a musical.
Keywords: character-name-in-title
Danny Roane: When I think of Hell I think of the Devil dancing in licks of flames with lost souls behind cars and in cages. Can you get some of those by the way?::John Imbagliado: Oh yeah, I'll just go out to the prop store and pick up some lost souls.
Deidra Fennigan: [referring to Danny Roane] I haven't seen him since he went into rehab for I think about, DINK, the fourth time.
Nathan West: My mind is made of Hitler.
Leslie: Okay, sure... I'll just do it like this because I'm dyslectic and sideways.
Danny Roane: At least get some flames coming out here.::John Imbagliado: You mean real flames?::Danny Roane: Yeah.::John Imbagliado: No.::Danny Roane: It's just gas, get some tubing it'll be easy.::John Imbagliado: No, the whole thing will go up like a dinner box.::Danny Roane: Well you just make sure the whole thing is flame retarded.::John Imbagliado: Excuse me?::Danny Roane: Get some stuff on here that makes it flame retarded.::John Imbagliado: Retardant.::Danny Roane: What?::John Imbagliado: It's not flame retarded, it's ...::Danny Roane: Well make sure it's flame retarded that's my point.::John Imbagliado: No there's no such word as flame retarded, it's FLAME RETARDANT.::Danny Roane: No.::John Imbagliado: NO.::Danny Roane: No, it's retarded. Like it's slow to the flames. Flame retarded means it's slow to the flames.::John Imbagliado: You know I wish you wouldn't do that. My cousin is retarded, he's forty two years-old and all day long he eats mayonnaise with a spoon. So just stop with those jokes, I'd appreciate it.
Paul Gunderson: Is a line producer important to a film? I don't know, let me ask you a question - are your feet important to you walking?
Plot
Radio psychologist Jack Black takes his children Joshua and Ashley on a 'vacation' to a lake in British Columbia. While he grinds away at work the children discover that the famous local lake monster "Orky" may not be just a gimmick to attract tourists after all. In fact, Orky may enable them to get closer to their workaholic dad, and help stop local polluters who are dumping toxic waste into Orky's home.
Keywords: beach, boat, boy, british-columbia-canada, brother-sister-relationship, cabin, camcorder, car, cave, children
In a small town, on a peaceful lake, a mythical creature is about to surface.
Joshua: I'm doing a man thing here. Staring death in the face. Stuff like that.
Joshua: Isn't it time we did that father-son bonding thing or somethin'?
Joshua: I'm supposed to wanna do that sort of thing at my age. It's a teen thing.
[Of his elderly uncle]::Joe Pickled Trout: About 3 fries short of a Happy Meal.
Ashley Black: [to Okey] Well, I guess I'd better go find a safe place to sleep. Safe from wild animals and high-wire perverts.
Phillip, Patient #4: I don't believe in monsters because monsters don't exist, it did not inhabit my body, I did not become a fish!
Plot
This is a delightful if peculiar story of a day in the life of a small, Welsh fishing village called "Llareggub" (read it backwards). We meet a host of curious characters (and ghosts) through the 'eyes' of Blind Captain cat. This is a true "Classic" of modern British writing with a wonderful, mischievous use of language.
Keywords: based-on-play, independent-film, welsh
With karate I'll kick your ass
From here to Tianenmen Square
Oh yeah, motherfucker, I'm gonna kick your fuckin' derriere, yeah, yeah
You broke the rules, now I'll pull out all your pubic hair...
You motherfucker...
You motherfucker...
Kyle betrayed me and then he lied, tried to hide
And I died deep inside, and you know the reason why...
I'm gonna kick your ass
From here to right over there
Oh, yeah, motherfucker, I'm gonna kick your fuckin' derriere, yeah, yeah
You broke the rules, now I'll pull out all your pubic hair...
You motherfucker...
Baby we was making straight A's,
But we were stuck in a dumb daze.
Don?t take much to memorize your line.
I feel like I've been hypnotisized.
And then that magic man; he come to town.
Whoo wee!
He done spun my head around.
He said, "Recess is in session.
Two and two make five."
And now baby, oh, Im alive.
Oh yeah!
Im alive
And if you want to be the teacher's pet,
Well baby you just better forget it.
Rock got no reason. Rock got no rhyme.
You better get me to school on time.
Oh yeah!
Oh you know I was on an honor roll.
Got good grades and got no soul.
Raised my hand before I could speak my mind.
I been biting my tongue too many times.
And then that magic man said to obey?..uh-huh
"Do what magic man do, not what magic man say." say what
Now can I please have the attention of the class.
Today's assignment... ahem... kick some a$$!
And if you want to be the teacher's pet,
Well baby you just better forget it.
Rock got no reason. Rock got no rhyme.
You better get me to school on time.
And if you want to be the teacher's pet,
Well baby you just better forget it.
Rock got no reason. Rock got no rhyme.
You better get me to school on time.
Oh Yeah!
Oh yeah!
This is my final exam.
Now you all know who I am .
I might not be that perfect son.
Ok, it starts off a dark stage. Then a beam of light and you can see me
and my guitar. Beooowww Neoowwww Beooowww Neoowwww
In the end of time
there was a man who knew the road
and the writing was written on the stone
Then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles. Roadies that
means dry ice, were going to talk about this later.
In the ancient time
an artist led the way
but no one seemed to understand
Chimes, Freddy.
In his heart he knew
the artist must be true
but the legend of the rent was way past due
And then Katie you come in with the base.
Rumbumbumbumbidembumbedo Rumbumbumbumbidembumbedo
Well you think youll be just fine
without me but your mine
how can you kick me out of the band
And then Zach, you come in with a facemelter,
wownowwonenownownenownnow
Well theres just one problem there
the band is mine
how can you kick me out of what is mine
And the shh, Hawaii five o, you ever see that show? Ok, well theres this
drum solo in it that goes like shigedugedugeduge
Youre not hardcore
unless you live hardcore
And that's where I want the backup singers to be like
Youre not hardcore
no youre not hardcore
unless you live hardcore
unless you live hardcore
But the legend of the rent was way hardcore
Boom, big old explosion, some like confetti comes down. Anyway thats
all I got so far, its a work in progress.
I liked it Mr. Shneebly.
This is a song for the ladies, but fellas listen closley...
You dont always have to fuck her hard,
Infact sometimes thats not right to do.
Some times you got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smooches too.
Some times you got to squeez!
Sometimes you got to say please!
Sometime you got to say hey,
I'm gonna fuck you...softly.
I'm wanna screw you gently.
I'm wanna hump you sweetly.
I'm wanna bowl you descreetly!
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute Sally,
I think I got somethin in my teeth,
Could you get it out for me?
Thats fuckin team work!
Whats your favorite pozish?
Thats cool with me,
It's not my favorite,
But I'll do it for you.
Whats your favorite dish?
I'm not gonna cook it,
But I'll order it from ZANZABAR!
And then I'm gonna love you completely,
And then I'll fuckin fuck you descreetly,
And then I'll fuckin bone you completely,
Baby we was making straight A's,
But we were stuck in a dumb daze.
Don?t take much to memorize your line.
I feel like I've been hypnotisized.
And then that magic man; he come to town.
Whoo wee!
He done spun my head around.
He said, "Recess is in session.
Two and two make five."
And now baby, oh, Im alive.
Oh yeah!
Im alive
And if you want to be the teacher's pet,
Well baby you just better forget it.
Rock got no reason. Rock got no rhyme.
You better get me to school on time.
Oh yeah!
Oh you know I was on an honor roll.
Got good grades and got no soul.
Raised my hand before I could speak my mind.
I been biting my tongue too many times.
And then that magic man said to obey?..uh-huh
"Do what magic man do, not what magic man say." say what
Now can I please have the attention of the class.
Today's assignment... ahem... kick some a$$!
And if you want to be the teacher's pet,
Well baby you just better forget it.
Rock got no reason. Rock got no rhyme.
You better get me to school on time.
And if you want to be the teacher's pet,
Well baby you just better forget it.
Rock got no reason. Rock got no rhyme.
You better get me to school on time.
Oh Yeah!
Oh yeah!
This is my final exam.
Now you all know who I am .
I might not be that perfect son.
Come, they told me
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
A newborn king to see
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Our finest gifts we bring
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
To lay before the king
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, a pum pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum
So to honor him
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
When we come
Little baby
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
I am a poor boy, too
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
I have no gift to bring
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
That's fit
To give a king
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum
Shall I play for you
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
On my drum
Yoi da adash
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
The ass
And lamb kept time
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
I played my drum for him
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
I played my best for him
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum
Rum, pa, pum, pum
Then he smiled at me
Pa, rum, pa, pum, pum
[The Lonely Island]
Wellllll he was the Sax Man from the state of Tennessee
First set in with the band at the ripe old age of three
- weeks old
And when he blew into that horn all the people gathered
'round
Club manager jumped right up and said "Boy I gotta have
that sound!"
Scream "Hallelujah Lord!", I said the Sax Man's got my
soul
Everybody gotta move their feet, when the Sax Man
started to blow
Now blow it Sax Man!
[farting saxophone sounds]
Mmmmmm'kay he's a little shy, but his genius cannot
hide
Cause when the Sax Man starts to wail he gonna take you
on a ride
Take it Sax Man!
[two saxophone notes]
Ow! Take it Sax Man!
H-he'll be right with you folks!
All right, Sax Man, that's my fault, I put you on the
spot
But now you're all warmed up and this-a next one's
gonna be hot
Kick it Sax Man! (C'mon!)
[one bad note]
(What the fuck are you doing!!)
[another bad note]
Haha, okay! Why don't we have a little inspiration now
You know this game, Sax Man!
Repeat after me
Here we go, and..
Shibbidy bop bop, buda bop bah [one note]
Dip dip di-dip, dip dip di-dip dip [two weak notes]
Arrip da di-dip, bop ba-doo-doo day-day [no sound at
all]
Fuckin play somethin Sax Man! [pause.. one weak note]
Okay, movin on!
Sax Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~!
Sax Man!
Hoh-hoh-hoah
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah
Coz everybody is Kung Fu Fighting
Your mind becomes fast as lightning
Although the future is a little bit frightening
It's the book of your life that you're writing
You're a diamond in the rough, a brilliant ball of clay
You could be a work of art, if you just go all the way
Now what would it take to break, I believe that you can
bend
Not only do you have to fight, but you have got to win
Coz everybody is Kung Fu Fighting
Your mind becomes fast as lightning
Although the future is a little bit frightening
It's the book of your life that you're writing
Oooooouuhhh
You are a natural, why is it so hard to see ?
Maybe it's just because you keep on looking at me
The journey's a lonely one, so much more than we know
But sometimes you've got to go, go on and be your own
hero
Coz everybody is Kung Fu Fighting
Your mind becomes fast as lightning
Although the future is a little bit frightening
It's the book of your life that you're writing
Hoh-hoh-hoah
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah
Coz everybody is Kung Fu Fighting
Your mind becomes fast as lightning
Although the future is a little bit frightening
This is it, your time is through
You're boring!
You're rambling on, no end in sight
You're boring!
No need to thank your parakeet
You're boring!
Look at Catherine Zeta-Jones
She's snoring!
You could have rushed up to the stage
But you were lollygagging!
They're turning off your microphone
And cutting to a commercial for Del Taco
I am singing at the party,
I am singing it's my turn to sing, at the party.
Everyone is dancing, happy, party,
But Ramses is not dancing, he does not dance at the
party.
At night I play my games, I go to sleep, I think of
Ramses.
The people in the street, they eating treats, they eating
candies.
Will he ever lose, we'll never know, he'll never fight
Ramses is the greatest, even though he rhymes with
pansies (or panties)
Ramses number one, he knows the secrets of desire,
RAPAPAPAPILIAPUPALIAPUPPA
Ramses number one, he put the people all on fire,
RAPAPAPAPILIAPUPALIAPUPPA
Ramses number one, he likes to rundown to the playa
(beach)
It's time to say goodbye to our magic ball friends
They have to go back home now
Aaw, aah
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, see you later, we had fun
Goodbye, see you later and now it's done
Goodbye, see you later, it was fun
Goodbye, see you later and now we're done
Goodbye, see you later, don't be sad
We'll bounce back real soon, it's not so bad
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Toodee, Toodee, don't be sad
We'll come back and play very soon
I know but I'm gonna miss you guys
And we're going to miss you too
We won't forget you
And be sure to remind DJ Lance Rock
To bring us back to play
I will, thanks for playing with me
I'm gonna miss you guys, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
Sometimes when you say goodbye
It can make you sad or even mad
But just remember
You can always see you friends again