Anthony JeselnikVerified account

@anthonyjeselnik

'Surreally Pessimistic'-The New Yorker

Los Angeles
anthonyjeselnik.com
Joined January 2009
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  1. Sep 25

    I only like one person. And she wrote a book. Specifically for my fan base even.

    My book, Super You, is out on 9/30! It's a funny but sincere self improvement guide for women- preorder or buy local!
    12 retweets 126 favorites
  2. Sep 18

    My crowd work is underrated.

    "Shut that fucking kid up, I'll fight you and your baby, you inbred hick" - Anthony Jeselnik
    116 retweets 486 favorites
  3. Sep 9

    There are so many dead baby jokes that I have to stop the show and explain why there are so many. Seriously.

    how many dead baby jokes can we expect in the new special?
    61 retweets 272 favorites
  4. Sep 9

    Actually, edited out all of my hugs with Keenen. Too many hugs, they kept saying.

    It looks like Keenen is going to pull out a knife and attack you. Watch out.
    7 retweets 87 favorites
  5. Sep 9

    You answered your own question.

    why did the Jeselnik Offensive get cancelled? The new down syndrome test joke is my favorite joke of all time
    41 retweets 216 favorites
  6. Sep 9

    A man's gotta sleep.

    why do you look like you want to kill someone 92% of the time?
    73 retweets 268 favorites
  7. Sep 9

    Too great.

    How great a Weekend Update host would make?
    48 retweets 363 favorites
  8. Sep 9

    To answer all your questions, my new stand-up special "Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayers" premieres 10/16 on Netflix.

    153 retweets 629 favorites
  9. Sep 9

    I am a golden eagle, soaring high above this shit.

    You take the art of getting paid and still giving exactly zero fucks to new heights.
    30 retweets 252 favorites
  10. Sep 9

    This happened several times throughout the season but, again...edited out completely.

    i'd love to see the producers walk out and say "fuck all of you, jeselnik's the funniest one here" and give you the money
    36 retweets 261 favorites
  11. Sep 9

    To be fair, I hate a lot of other things too.

    anthony jeselnik so clearly hates being the host of last comic standing
    47 retweets 282 favorites
  12. Sep 9

    Here's everything you need to know about the finale. It's tonight at 10 on NBC.

    Steel beam from the WTC...what about that jet fuel eh lads?
    25 retweets 94 favorites
  13. Sep 4

    Name a shelter animal after me and I'll kill it myself.

    JESELNIK is looking for a forever home.
    142 retweets 398 favorites
  14. Sep 3

    I stopped watching.

    after hearing you on I was looking forward to your live tweets during . WTF. Did they make you stop?
    18 retweets 215 favorites
  15. Sep 2

    My new stand-up special "Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayers" premieres 10/16 on Netflix. Dark as all get out.

    511 retweets 1,363 favorites
  16. Aug 26

    Goddamn, . Took my favorite lines of the whole series this week. You owe me an Emmy.

    33 retweets 195 favorites
  17. Aug 26

    I say go for it.

    Am I allowed to say that actually I argued with Norm for quite a long time but it was cut? Or will I be sued by NBC?
    10 retweets 89 favorites
  18. Aug 26

    Get out of my apartment.

    I'm watching Last Comic with and he just yelled FUCK YOU at the screen
    13 retweets 151 favorites
  19. Aug 26

    A hearty 5%.

    What percentage of your jokes make air?
    17 retweets 168 favorites
  20. Aug 26

    Watch tonight at 10 on NBC. Or you can save time by asking me who wins. I will tell you.

    25 retweets 216 favorites

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