A Letter to the Editor, from Joe Dolce

Joe Dolce is a singer-songwriter, poet and essayist. 

This is Joe's letter to Monthly editor John van Tiggelen, written just prior to the publication of 'Shaddap You Facebook' in the April 2013 issue of the magazine:

Hi John,

OK – I can live with the ‘Shaddap You Facebook’ title. This once.

Under normal circumstances, I don’t permit jerry-rigging my poetry and essay writing to ‘Shaddap You Face’ (except briefly in bio information) as it is counter-productive to both our goals – they are in completely different audience demographics.

‘Shaddap You Face’ fans either don’t understand my poetry and essays – or don't care, if they can't hum it – and the fans of my serious writing then seriously tend to take my serious writing less seriously. (Err … if you get my drift.)

Thank god for Les Murray coming out of nowhere and publishing 60 poems and lyrics of mine over the last two years. Who could ask for a better advocate? That’s a shaddap-you-face-of-a-different-colour to silence the mono-minded skeptics.

But here’s something you should know. I came up with the phrase ‘Shaddap You Facebook’ two years ago and even wrote a parody of my song with it as the title that my publisher loves and is presently on pitch to Mushroom Records.

It has been in the recording project pipeline for a while and hopefully will see the light of day, most likely sung by some young pimple-faced emo-Goth, with a possible cameo by me. 

Here’s some of the lyrics:

SHADDAP YOU FACEBOOK
 
(Hello – my Facebook name is Giuseppi. I got Friend Request for you. Uno, due, tre, quatro:)
 
Once I had some FRIENDS
they write on my WALL
they used to click LIKE
and put LOL
we send a lot MESSAGE
on the CHATLINE
everything was-a fine
 
Now I got some guy
pretending he's a girl
I get-a Farm Animals
a Profile that's a squirrel
I really feel-a sick
I don’t know what to make (of it)
everybody she’s a fakin it    

(One time for mama – she’s a no gotta Facebook.)

Whatsa matta me, hey,
I gotta get a life
I BLOCK and DELETE
but my FRIEND LIST is a joke
I get another POKE
everytime I take a look,
Ah, Shaddap You Facebook!

But, hey, John, due to the nature of this particular essay – the porn complaint originating from Facebook’s total incompetence – it is strangely appropriate in this instance.

Best wishes,

Joe