Real News. Real Funny.

• Sat September 05, 2015
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• Chimps are learning to hate drones as much as people do
  

   

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• The police always get their butt-dial bumbling burglar man
  

   

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• Fri September 04, 2015
• Putin says he would rather not fight Steven Seagal. Seagal giggles, goes to fight for the Amur leopard and sell Russian weapons abroad
  

   

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• Kim Davis says any marriage licenses issued today are invalid because she makes the rules, not the Supreme Court
  

   

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• Bad: Hit pedestrian with your truck. Good: Get out to help him. Bad: Be hit by a second vehicle
  

   

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• In North Carolina, it is legally possible to sexually assault yourself, but not in the way you're thinking
  

   

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• Avid Life Media cheated on Ashley Madison with an escort website
  

   

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• Opening a bar in Brooklyn? Let this menu generator do the work for you. Subby would like sublimated rye with his locally-raised bison
  

  (Some Hipster)  

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• Police officers claim seized pot plants are getting them high. In related news, requests for overtime work at the station have skyrocketed
  

   

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• Photoshop these divers
  

   

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• That old line about Millennials ruining the economy because they don't buy things isn't true. They buy lots of things. Things like selfie sticks, frames for their selfies, selfies books, selfies awards
  

   

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• Oh, nothing out of the ordinary, just a ten-foot alligator coming out of a storm drain and going up onto someone's front porch to hang out. In Louisiana, of course
  

   

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• Sacramental September Shindig, 9/11-9/13
  

   

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• Idiot caught carving his name into a wall at the Alamo. Hopefully, it was in the basement where it won't be seen
  

   

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• Eight year old designs smartwatch made from 3D printed plastic and shoelaces. Still better looking than an iWatch
  

   

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• If you're walking in China and someone hits you with a car, GTFO out of the street before they try to hit you again to make sure you're dead
  

   

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• Weather rarity: hurricane Ignacio may hit southeast Alaska. Thanks Obama
  

   

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• Man sentenced to three years in prison because he showed up at a drug deal with a backpack that was NOT stuffed with marijuana
  

   

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• Fail: Teachers letting kids play fantasy league in classroom. Win: Fantasy Geopolitical League. Djibouti drafted in the first round
  

   

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• You probably have a lot of 'me me me' in you, but then again so does everyone else else else
  

   

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