This was created for Biomedical Science Day 2021. The original music is from Welcome to the Internet by Bo Burnham. LYRICS You might see me in my lab coat and think that I am mad With all these strange machines and hair like that Einstein lad But if I’ve madness then it’s genius! My crazy is benign I’m even sort of normal… till you get me on the wine! You might think that I’m a doctor, but I do biomed Healthcare would fail without us, and you would all be dead! We test for cancer, clap and COVID, ogle at your blood and bone I’ve got chemicals, computers… and a massive student loan! I killed a brain cell (or a million) breathing in the fumes But all these pretty colours are the stains and dyes… not shrooms I can see your insides with some quick x ray appliance I might even save your life… but that’s not magic, that’s science We’re the heart of healthcare – and be honest, the head too We do all the detective work and gather up the clues Soon we’ll know more about you than your own loving mum All the pus and piles and sputum and that weird wart on your bum! (ew) Our overlords love letters, hail the great IBMS Not to be confused with its weird uncle IBS The HCPC are the people you don’t really wanna see ‘Cause they can sack you quicker than Claus on Christmas Eve Now I’m exaggerating, have mercy on me Barwick! I’m just a cheeky minion, but no more of this slapstick This is no laughing matter, it’s of utmost gravity I swear from here on out it’s only reverence from me… We, the biomedicals, have sworn to obey Our oaths of awesome and of confidentiality We’re mostly invisible to those that we protect But we shall carry on… and hey ‘Rona! Get wrecked! I save the nation on the daily, so where’s my OBE? I’m sure it’s on its way, say ta to Lizzie dear for me Kind of busy ATM, so put my knighthood in the mail ‘Cause I’ve got more potential than lye on the pH scale! But should I spare a moment for my comrades in healthcare? Every doc and tech and nurse working every hour spare? …Pfft! Nah, I’m sure that they’ll be fine! I’m the eejit singing, all the glory now is mine! Don’t be a doctor or a lawyer, come join the cultured crew! We’ve got ugly goggles and some latex just for you! YouTube or test tube… only one’s cool when it’s frozen Come watch slicing and tumours and the occasional explosion Look down at this microscope and tell me what you see Parasites and proteins – or just an STD? This slide shows lymphocytes and platelets …at least if you don’t smudge it Sickle cells or cabot rings …and hey, look there’s our budget! Now that I’ve roasted both myself and my profession There’s just one final verse, and one more little question: What on earth would possess you to do all the things you do? Well, some heroes wear lab coats when they look after you!

• published: 23 Jun 2021
• views: 75