Archive | Satire

How To Write A Contrarian Thinkpiece

By Good German on August 6, 2015 in Op-Ed, Satire 0

Chris Potter (CC BY 2.0)

Michael Schaub writes at the Pessimist:

You probably think that the online contrarian thinkpiece represents a new low in journalism: a dispensable, reactionary quasi-essay written by a condescending know-it-all, and published by a magazine desperate for web traffic. Well, guess what? You’re wrong, you stupid idiot. I hate you and your face. Your family is probably ashamed of you, you wrong, stupid idiot.

I’m kidding, of course. You’re right. There is a great historical tradition of contrarian journalism, but it’s a tradition that didn’t survive the 20th century. Our founding fathers might have penned classic protest essays like “What Ho, Lord Shelvington! You Shall Tariff Our Churns No Longer, Good Sir!” (working from memory here but I’m pretty sure I nailed it), what passes for contrarianism these days is much more soul-crushingly petty. It is smug, personally insulting to the reader, and usually about low-stakes subjects like kale or Girls.

… Read the rest

Stewart Lee on Political Correctness

By Good German on August 6, 2015 in Satire 0

From 41st Best Stand Up Ever (2008). Commentary over the video is from Lee’s book, “How I Escaped My Certain Fate: The Life and Deaths of a Stand-Up Comedian.”

“If political correctness has achieved one thing, it’s to make the conservative party cloak its inherent racism behind more creative language.”

“Even in my carefully filtered crowds, to which I attempt to apply the most thorough social-screening procedures, there could be trouble. When I did this bit in Hastings, where a sixteen-year-old Qatari student was randomly murdered by a white gang in 2008, some guys started shouting out ‘rag-heads, rag-heads’, and it was hard to plot a course back to the core of the routine as I saw it when the vibe of the room had been thus altered. They apologised, embarrassed, at the end, and I think they were just overexcited.”

“I’m absolutely sick of people blaming the restrictions created by health and safety culture, itself exacerbated in turn by a trend towards increased litigation, on the political and ideological doctrine of political correctness.… Read the rest

Graffiti, Gags, and Gallows Humor in the era of Perpetual War

By Incognito Chupacabra on August 6, 2015 in Philosophy, Satire 0

In the era of perpetual war, it is a must to have a working funny bone. If not, surely you will be driven mad with boredom and fear.

“The ego refuses to be distressed by the provocations of reality, to let itself be compelled to suffer. It insists that it cannot be affected by the traumas of the external world; it shows, in fact, that such traumas are no more than occasions for it to gain pleasure.” — Sigmund Freud

Bleak yet hilarious.

The military blog, We Are the Mighty explains it thusly:

It’s not unusual for troops to have a nonchalant or comical attitude about the worst of humanity. Sometimes comedy is all they have to make it through hardships that are unimaginable to most, and those who have deployed to remote locations and hot zones know this all too well.

It’s a mechanism to keep their sanity in the midst of snipers, ambushes, and IEDs, according to an article in Esquire.

… Read the rest

Ben & Jerry’s flavors we’d actually like to see

By Incognito Chupacabra on July 23, 2015 in Art, Satire 0

Vermont is a terrible place. In fact, it’s the only state in the Union of which nothing nice at all can be said.*

Moose attacks. Forests teeming with flesh craving, lyme disease infested vulture ticks. More extraterrestrial anal probings per ~~anorectum~~ capita than any place on Earth. Blizzards of bloody ice and frogs. Bed and Breakfasts. Skeleton Witches. Flannel.

To most of us, however, Vermont is only known for three things: Maple syrup (a sticky insect attractant that tastes like bark and is poured from the head of an effigy of a woman molded in glass — no thank you!), Bernie Sanders (“…there’s too many varieties of deodorant. All you need is Victory antiperspirant: Only people guilty of ThoughtCrime sweat!”) and of course, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.

An ice cream so foul and perverted that they named a once wholesome fruit flavor after the epitome of all that is noisome, barefoot and dirty, Cherry Garcia.… Read the rest

If We Fought Cancer Like The War on Drugs

By Srsly Wrong on July 12, 2015 in Entertainment, Law, Podcasts, Politics, Satire 0

The war on drugs has been an abysmal failure since it’s half-witted inception.

It is based on many faulty assumptions, not least of which is the ridiculous idea that treating normal people who happen to use drugs like criminals will somehow help them stop using drugs. When we apply this same logic to fighting a ‘War on Cancer’, we see how utterly senseless and vile it really is.

This video is a much needed comedic ‘wake-up call’ to everyone who doesn’t get that attacking drug users (or cancer victims) is a bad way of doing anything.

If you enjoyed that video, please take the time to listen to the full length podcasts SRSLY WRONG 48 – DRUG WARS EPISODE IV: THERE’S NO HOPE and SRSLY WRONG 49 – DRUG WARS V: WHITE SUPREMACY STRIKES BACK.

So, when you’re going out into the world today, we want you to remember just a few things:
– The drug war has been a massive, 40 year failure.… Read the rest

AssaUlt!

By Alex Sack on June 29, 2015 in News, Satire 0

Monday

Too damn early…

I’m in the Citizen’s Cab lot and run into Crooks, of last week’s fame – cab driver turned “rideshare” after losing his taxi permit for Paratransit fraud who last Saturday night totaled his sub-prime loan Uber Camry in a very public T-bone collision with a pink mustachioed Lyft “rideshare”.

(Gulp!) I really hope he did not read last week’s blog!

Sack, “Crooks! Waz up, mane! Hey! I heard about that Lyft, um, running the red and you T-boning it. Dude was taken to General in an ambulance, eh? And you went on your own? You ok?”

Crooks, “Ye-ah, I ok. My wife lettin’ me use ‘er Hyundai ’til it all git figur’d owt. Jus’ ‘ere washin’ ‘er cahr.”

I see behind Crooks stands a silver Hyundai SUV all beaded with water, with a suction-cupped phone and “U” signage visible in the windshield, over by the Citizen’s Cab hose and vacuum station… and right next to the new-ish sign acknowledging California’s drought (and increased commercial water bill) that states:

“NO WASHING PERSONAL VEHICLES.… Read the rest

A Rush-Hour to the Bottom

By Alex Sack on June 16, 2015 in Corporate Skeptics, Economics, News, Satire 0

Tuesday

The fog horns were blowing all last night across the San Francisco Bay. I could hear the music from my attic flat all the way over here in the Western Addition. They came whooshing in, rolling over the hill with their volley, back and forth, back and forth, bridge to ship, ship to bridge, “BRR-AWWWW-NNN-PPP!” “MOOOAA-WWWNNN-PPP!”

They can keep you up a little at night. But it’s also kind of calming, and cool. Reminds you of where you are. But it must be a bit more of a deal for those living down in the Marina; with the caveat that fog and hence, the fog horns, are somewhat rare these days in drought-stricken California.

It’s 4:53am and I’m heading up Post in my van on a quiet ride to work. It is indeed thick grey out, misty, foggy, wet… and WINDY! I do very much see the need for the horns last night.… Read the rest

Ike Interviews God

By Marcie Gainer on June 15, 2015 in 5am Film Series, Entertainment, News, Religion, Satire 0

A timid insurance clerk named Ike is our only hope of convincing God to halt the impending apocalypse.

h/t Christian Nightmares.

… Read the rest

A Guide To Mercy Killing Your Family If Gay Marriage Becomes Legal [Satire]

By Good German on June 15, 2015 in Education, Satire 0

Via the Waterford Whispers News:

WITH the looming threat of same-sex marriage becoming part of everyday life in the near future, many Ordinary Decent People (TM) may be wondering how they’ll cope with the devastating impact this will have on their lives.

With Wholesome Family Values (TM) set to be obliterated by Gay couples joining together in matrimony, many people have decided to do the honourable thing and euthanise their entire families if same-sex marriage is written into the constitution following the referendum in May. To facilitate an easy transition into the blissfully gay-free afterlife, we at WWN offer this simple 5-step guide to killing your loved ones to spare them from the nightmare of a world where gay and lesbian people have the same rights as everyone else.

1) Make Sure And Get The Order Right

It is imperative when killing your family that you start with those least capable of killing themselves, before working your way up to yourself.

… Read the rest

Fletch – Jackie Kennedy

By Obelo on June 14, 2015 in Art, Entertainment, Music/Performance, Mystery, Satire 0

… Read the rest

1 2 … 5 Next →