We are now at the part of True Detective’s season where the re-set button has been hit. By that, I mean that the circumstances of our characters have changed enough that the plot feels new and the direction feels different. Does different mean better? With regards to True Detective Season 2, you could argue that different couldn’t be worse! But it’s early days here, and it obviously could be. I have no faith in this operation at all, at this point I am sad to say.
With this new status quo of sorts though, I figured it was time to reintroduce ourselves to the characters by asking some important questions. Let’s get deep, guys! Or well, let’s be like Nic Pizzolato and pretend we are going deep, but really just speak nonsense for a few thousand words instead! That sounds good, right?
What is the Ray Velcoro weight loss plan?
This show time-jumped 66 days and Ray definitely lost at least 30 pounds in that time frame. How did he do it? He didn’t give up drinking, so that’s not it. Did he spend all of his off time running? Did the mustache add that much weight to his frame? Is he only eating the tears he sheds when he thinks about his existential place? Whatever it is, Velcoro, share your secrets! I would love to know!
If you took a shot each time someone talked about corruption, would you die?
Yes. The answer to that question is yes because all this show does is talk about either a) tortured masculinity or b) the world’s most boring and confusing corruption plot. It’s amazing how integral all this corruption is to the story, and how little I can wrap my mind around it. It’s also amazing how the narrative can not get me to care for tuning out such an essential part. It’s probably the biggest illustration of just how far off the mark True Detective has been this season, because I should care about the corruption our main characters find themselves in! I should! I just don’t.
So Taylor Kitsch and his lack of interest in blowjobs, what is up with that?
This week, we did not get to spend a lot of time on Taylor Kitsch/Paul’s repressed homosexuality, because we had to spend time on the fact that Taylor Kitsch/Paul’s mother is a terrible human being who steals his money and talks like an eternally lost 1930s showgirl. There is an argument to be made that if this person was your mother, you would also hate yourself to such an extent that everything bores you. Mainly though, everything is just terrible for Taylor Kitsch/Paul and the best thing going for him is the fact that I kind of know his character name now.
Are Ani and Ray going to bang?
In a better world, I would be confident and say that Ani and Ray’s decent partner chemistry would stay at a just friends level. That is not the world I live in though, and as a result, I constantly worry every time they have a scene together that it is going to end in drunken, melancholy sex. Would it be the worst thing in the world? Probably not. Especially since McAdams and Farrell are the strongest scene partners this season. I just want to believe that Pizzolato knows that this story can be told without an awkward sex scene. But it’s Pizzolato, and he trades in awkward sex scenes so I am bracing myself for the inevitability. Sigh.
When are we getting the Depressing Pub Singer album?
She has appeared in nearly every episode to wail on about the atrocities of life. At the rate she is going, that means we will have at least seven sad songs from her. Is she going to release them as a True Detective concept album? Because I don’t see her getting this kind of exposure on any other TV show.
Is Ani going to back to regular cigarettes supposed to be some grand sign that she is spiraling?
RIP Ani’s E-Cigarette. You should have been with us for way longer because you were so weirdly amusing. I don’t know why you are gone, but I assume it’s supposed to be as a symbol of Ani’s deterioration. Real tobacco is gonna kill you in a way that vaped tobacco never would! Or something. It’s stupid. Bring back the e-cigarette!
Does Rick Springfield’s creepy plastic surgeon look like a human crow or is that just me?
I see crow. Do you see crow? If you don’t see crow, do you see raisin? Because I can see him looking a raisin too.
Do I care about Frank and his wife and their quest to have children?
No. I don’t care about that. I don’t care about whether she’s infertile or he’s not into adoption or how she can’t give him a proper blowjob. I don’t care about their sad looks in empty clubs or their sadder looks snuggling on an Ikea couch at home. These are all things that don’t matter to me at all.
Speaking of Frank, why?
Why is Frank on this show? Why are we spending so much time on Frank? Has Frank added anything to this viewing experience besides overwrought monologues on papier-mache and having blue balls in your heart? Do I care about his subway system? Do I care about his land development model? Do I want to see Vince Vaughn struggle with words? Are we sure we have to suffer through Frank, Nic Pizzolato? Because I don’t think so. Save me from Frank. Save me from Frank!!! Ray has every reason to kill Frank next week since he set up him to kill an innocent man under that guise that it was his wife’s rapist, so let’s get on that! I have never wanted a character off my TV so badly as I want Frank off me TV. Why? Why? Why?!?!
Do I want to keep watching?
While I was watching this week’s episode of True Detective, my HBO Go kept pausing and buffering and closing out. Each time it did so, I would get a fun little warning screen on my TV, “Do you want to keep watching?” And that question felt way deeper than it should have because do I?
Apparently, I did, because I restarted the episode upward of twenty times during the hour-long running time. The reason why I keep watching though, is simple inertia. I’ve made it through half of the season, and at this point I might as well ride it out. Plus, I deserve an Olympic gold in pop culture masochism. I mean, I watched and wrote about the final season of The Newsroom for this site and that’s just the most glaring example of my self-hatred.
So I’m in it to win it at this point! The commercials tell me there are only 3 episodes left, and I think I can survive it. Hopefully, I’m not just being like the characters on this show and fooling myself, but we’ll see!
Photos Courtesy of HBO
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