H2g2

Our story begins with Aurthur Dent
in a smallish little home he was a resident
he awoke from a bender the night before
and he saw a bulldozer outside his front door
"yellow" he thought, and he let it resonate
but before you knew it, he was out his front gate
"we're building a bypass", Aurther told em "no way"
ready to lay in the mud for the rest of the day
pretty soon Ford Prefect came strolling along
whistling some sort of alien song
"oh hey Aurthur, whatcha doin' down there"
"they knockin' down my house in case you care"
"never mind that dude, I've got big news,
let's go to the pub for a couple of brews"
and with an epic argument and a battle of wits
they both go down the street to the pub for a bit
interlude (alcohol)
Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol.
It says that alcohol is a colorless volatile liquid formed by the
fermentation of sugars and also notes it's intoxicating effect
on certain carbon based life forms.
The Hitchhikers Guide also mentions alcohol. It says that the best
drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
It says the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like
having your brans smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a
large gold brick.
The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself.
The Hitchhiker's Guide sells rather better than the Encyclopedia
Galactica.
Ford hollas to the tender "yo six pints please"
and he downs his first pint with the greatest of ease
"in a minute or two, I'm gonna tell you what's up,
but in the meantime, drink up, drink up!"
Aurthur asks, "now what's the big deal again?"
"in just a few minutes, the worlds gonna end"
As Aurther tips back his second pint glass
they can hear some kind of mechanical crash
Ford says "don't worry, it was only your house"
Aurther grabs his final pint and books it out
Ford quickly grabs some peanuts, yellin' "keep the change"
the bartender panics, knows that somethin's strange
"would it help to put a paper bag on my head?"
"doesn't matter; in a few minutes, y'all gonna be dead"
"you all will face the wrath of Aurther Dent"
as he raves on a pile of broken cement
hitchhikers guide (don't panic, don't panic)
to the galaxy (don't panic, don't panic)
Aurthur Dent, and that hoopy Ford Prefect
one's an alien and one's a social reject
Zaphod's the president, but he's a total clown
Trillians a smooth chick who holds it down
Marvin's an android, best IQ that exists
he's depressed all the time and he's got a deathwish
Somehow they ended up on a Vogon ship
aurthur feels somewhat nauseated from the trip
Ford hands Aurthur peanuts, and Aurther asks "why?"
"if you don't eat them up, chances are you'll die"
actually it's not that, it's the video game
of a similar nature going by the same name
Ford looked at Aurthur and turned away
but then the ships speakers had something to say
"blorg grobble groble urg glick blish"
Ford gave Aurthur the babel fish
"oh man that felt weird, I'm not gonna lie"
"we're searching the ship and you're all gonna die"
They brought em to the captain to have a little chat
and a poetry reading... whats up with that?
the poetry reading put them both in their place
"Resistance is useless" "we're getting thrown into space!"
interlude (improbability)
The Hitchhiker's Guide has this to say about space.
"Space," it says "is big. Really big. You just won't believe how
vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think
it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just
peanuts to space. Listen..." and so on.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says that if you hold a lungful of air
you can survive in the total vacuum of space for about thirty seconds.
However, it does go on to say that what with space being the
mind-boggling size it is the chances of getting picked up by another ship
within those thirty seconds are two to the power of two hundred and
sixty-seven thousand, seven hundred, and nine to one against.
By a totally staggaring coincidence, that is also the telephone number of
an islington flat where Aurthur once went to a very good party and met
a very nice girl whom he totally failed to get off with -- she went off with
a gate crasher.
Though Earth and the islington flat and the telephone have all been
demolished, it is comforting to reflect that they are all in some small way
commemorated by the fact that twenty-nine seconds later Ford and Aurthur
were rescued.
chorus
ford and arthur flip like an LSD trip
as they get picked up by the heart of gold ship
improbability drive, is an interstellar device
invented by physicists, I'm told it was nice
to take to parties, and remove the host's underwear
if you care, it works by making quantum physics impaired
it flies like a charm - quite easily
from the brownian motion generated by tea
when engaged, the laws of physics are merely a formality
and become less lawful when disengaged from normality
that's a probability of 1 to 1
but when you get improbable, it's way more fun
Ford: "Hey Zaphod"
Zaphod: "Yo whatup ford?"
Ford: "I don't suppose you have gargle blasters on board?"
Arthur: "Tricia?"
Tricia: "You can call me trillion"
Arthur: "This is impossible!"
Ford: "Nah, just like one in a quadrillion"
chorus
(what's your name) ford prefect prounouced like them american cars
(where you from) betelgeuse out in the stars
if you're from there, you might have some real game
and you will be able to pronounce my real name
it's harder to pronounce than slartibartfast
people read it and say "zark that!"
so I named myself after a car, right?
I just assumed that they were the dominant form of life
american cars in a british modal
I live on the edge like hotblack desiato
the ajuitar player from Disaster Area
he's spending two years dead, but not from space malaria
it's for tax reasons, whatever dude
and all the ladies know I'm a hoopy frood
when they see me, they are basically powerless
to resist because I know where my towel is
mc beeblebrox always rocks the mic
gonna get freaky in the club tonight
borderline crazy with a wacked out flow
"Well Zaphods just zis guy, you know?"
While the beat rocks on, I nod both of my heads
I like to dress in flashy colors like red
and wave all three of my hands in the air
and I'm insensitve - yeah I just don't care
so don't compare me with your average president of the galaxy
like the heart of gold, I'm grounded in abnormality
but in totality - I'm wild like a fre-for-all
I'm more ravenous than the bugblatter beast of traal
like david blaine I can explain the way I feign you
alcohol isn't to blame for laying claim to my brain glue
people always sayin I'm insane in the membrane
don't complain, cause I've retrained my brain for the campaign
Interlude:
Ford: that was a bit excessive with the rhyming there
Zaphod: do I ever live my life in a way that isn't excessive?
Ford: good point.
Marvin: What's the point? It's all so depressing.
Both: shutup marvin!
chorus
millenia ago there was a race
of mice way off in outer space
they built a computer that was going to bring
the answer to life, the universe and everything
in a few million years the answer finally ensued
"the answer to the question is forty two"
"but what was the quesion?" "I'm not able to find it
if you want a computer that can do that I'll design it"
so they built that computer - called the planet earth
just so happend to be the place of Aurthur's birth
calculations almost finished, but they had to make way
for the interstellar bypass so they blew it away
ford and aurthur end up back on earth
millions of years before his own birth
they draw from a bag of scrabble, only to find
the question to the answer is "six times nine?"
chorus
chorus
so long and thanks for all the fish