How I Won the War is a black comedy film directed by Richard Lester, released in 1967, based on a novel of the same name by Patrick Ryan. The film stars Michael Crawford as bungling British Army Officer Lieutenant Earnest Goodbody, with John Lennon (Musketeer Gripweed), Jack MacGowran (Musketeer Juniper), Roy Kinnear (Musketeer Clapper) and Lee Montague (Sergeant Transom) as soldiers under his command. The film uses an inconsistent variety of styles — vignette, straight–to–camera, and, extensively, parody of the war film genre, docu-drama, and popular war literature — to tell the story of 3rd Troop, the 4th Musketeers (a fictional regiment reminiscent of the Royal Fusiliers) and their misadventures in the Second World War. This is told in the comic/absurdist vein throughout, a central plot being the setting-up of an “Advanced Area Cricket Pitch” behind enemy lines in Tunisia, but it is all broadly based on the Allied landings in North Africa in 1942 to the crossing of the last intact bridge on the Rhine at Remagen in 1945.
The first time they came to get me for their war
They were easy to play I acted dumb and grinned
Contrary to what we might assume everybody loves a dummy
Cause you aint gotta squint when the lights are dim
They read their papers out loud to me
I smiled and nodded my head up and down careful not to make a sound
They told me when and where im supposed to arrive
Never gave a second thought to whether or not I would oblige
I imaged the look on their face as they looked
At their face of their clocks, tapping their foot as they wait
How long would it take to realize
I must have skated or got lost on the way before they called it a day
Fuck that, im on the other side of the city
In a bed breathing heavy with my favourite betty
And I'll be damned if im gonna catch a slug for you
So I changed my name to slug so that yall would never catch me
The second time they found me they wanted to drown me
Yes man doesnt't't't like being made into mice
Started running their shmeal about love and dedication
How I should feel, as if I owe their nation my life
Look boy they say, don't you love your freedom?
I told them freedom is a road seldom travelled by the multitudes
And I said they were suckers, as I pulled out my mess
And started jerking off right there on top of their desk
Picture this, me standing their digging my fist
Like, what what what? Bought to bust on a nut on their list
They cursed and gave me an informal dispersal
But im like sir wont you let me get my rocks off first yo?
Its weird how acting like a hype islike being a hype
Its just a thin line that separates the two
And now my mind likes to walk both sides of the stripe
If only I could manifest my fate for the way I do
The third time they came was a charm
And I was tired and tried barely hanging from this yarn
The last two times I lost my path and my mind
What the hell I might as well as loose the farm
Take me, make me, train me, break me
Teach me to hold my anger like a lady
Show me the right way to save these babies
Throw me into this world that hates me
Here I am in a land that don't feel foreign
Following a plan, trying to find my portion
Still lost and still fondling my foreskin
Make me into a man but I still feel like an orphan
But I learned how to stand behind a purpose
The world is a circus and im a soldier guarding the tent
Weapon in hand, I represent and defend my hip hop nation until the end
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the hip hop cultures four elements
And to the originality in which it stands the Zulu nation under god
You know them fighting words don't worry me
Cuz talk is cheap and quiet's free
So shut your mouth and let's hang out
I've got a lot of something to think about
O let's lay here in the grass
Cuz there ain't nothing better to do
I feel young and old and dumber wiser
Brighter bluer kinder truer
We'll never be esprit de corps, I know
I call it quits and win the war.
O let's walk in the wood
Cuz there ain't nothing better to do
And when the morning comes with golden laughter
We'll hang our sorrow from the rafters
You know them fighting words don't worry me
Because we'll never be
I give that's how i won the war
I quit that's how i won the war.
If what you feel is chemical
This is a day when everything's sick
My tongue's stuck, my lungs burn all colors are sick
This is everyday, I'll impose it on all
To prove that I am though I'm revoltingly small
My person, my belongings, I break them at will
No classes, no families, no nations, no ties
I'm swallowed screaming by oceans of bile
Feel how it soothes when you take to the skies
How I won the war
How I won the war
How I won the war
How I won the war
I am what smells when you didn't wash
I'm the remains that smell in your sink
Your world's looking bright and I'm too weak to destroy it
I'm too faint to be seen or else you'd enjoyed it
This is my church and I, myself, built it
I'm the last, I'm the last, Oh god I'm filthy
The world will be the prey, and eventually it'll eat us:
The power of the slime of which I am the phoetus
(Repeat)
How I won the war - You never did
How I won the war - You never did
How I won the war - You never did
How I won the war - You never did
No more livestock
no more listlessness
As long as we're quiet
our dreams are blessed
by hands that smite
and feet that clatter
against the roof of time
uncertainty will shatter