Frank Zappa

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This page contains text from Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Zappa

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Best of Frank Zappa

Duration: 213:37
Updated: 04 Sep 2014
author: Dominik Riegler

3,5 hours of pure, great virtousic rock.this is my selection of Zappas best songs, sure a lot are missing, but i need stuff for a part 2 video :) 0:00 Camari...

http://wn.com/Best_of_Frank_Zappa

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Frank Zappa Interview (MTV, 1984)

Duration: 18:59
Updated: 11 Jan 2014

December 8, 1984 FZ talks about his influences, MTV & music videos, progressive rock, John & Yoko, guitar players. A fragment appears on "Rock Influences" (MTV, 1984)

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_Interview_(MTV,_1984)

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Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage (FULL ALBUM)

Duration: 115:14
Updated: 06 Oct 2014

Frank Zappa studio album, Joe's Garage

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Joe's_Garage_(FULL_ALBUM)

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FRANK ZAPPA COSMIK DEBRIS

Duration: 8:07
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: vv0422

FRANK ZAPPA COSMIK DEBRIS MOTHERS OF INVENTION JEAN LUC PONTY GEORGE DUKE TOM FOWLER BRUCE FOWLER RUTH UNDERWOOD IAN UNDERWOOD RALPH HUMPHREY - LIVE.

http://wn.com/FRANK_ZAPPA_COSMIK_DEBRIS

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Frank Zappa - Montana (A Token Of His Extreme)

Duration: 6:18
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: Eagle Rock

http://store.eagle-rock.com/title/a-token-of-his-extreme/ DVD: http://smarturl.it/FrankZappaTokenDVD EAGLE ROCK ENTERTAINMENT and the Zappa Family Trust are ...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Montana_(A_Token_Of_His_Extreme)

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FRANK ZAPPA: THE COMPLETE LIVE NEW YORK PALLADIUM 1981

Duration: 117:15
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: ivano g casamonti

Created by Ivano Casamonti & Reginald Thorpe .For All Informations,Including The Line-Up Of The Band,You Can Find On The Ending Of The Movie.

http://wn.com/FRANK_ZAPPA_THE_COMPLETE_LIVE_NEW_YORK_PALLADIUM_1981

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Frank Zappa - One Size Fits All (full album)

Duration: 42:59
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: nenlaith

Inca roads 00:00 Can't afford no shoes 08:45 Sofa no. 1 11:24 Po-jama people 14:04 Florentine Pogen 21:43 Evelyn, a modified dog 27:10 San Ber'dino 28:15 And...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_One_Size_Fits_All_(full_album)

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Frank Zappa at The Roxy Theatre - 1973 Video concert

Duration: 32:19
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: luciano nardi

Frank Zappa at The Roxy Theatre in Hollywood, California on December 8, 9 and 10, 1973. While waiting for the "Roxy DVD" (a trailer is contained in the Baby ...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_at_The_Roxy_Theatre_-_1973_Video_concert

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Frank Zappa on Crossfire

Duration: 21:18
Updated: 06 Oct 2006

Zappa on CNN's Crossfire in 1986. Discussing copyright. Zappa's the man!

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_on_Crossfire

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Frank Zappa appearing on the Mike Douglas Show

Duration: 17:16
Updated: 07 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_appearing_on_the_Mike_Douglas_Show

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Frank Zappa at PMRC Senate Hearing on Rock Lyrics

Duration: 33:35
Updated: 16 May 2012

The Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC) was an American committee formed in 1985 with the stated goal of increasing parental control over the access of children to music deemed to be violent, have drug use or be sexual via labeling and censorship. The committee was founded by four women: Tipper Gore, wife of Senator and later Vice President Al Gore; Susan Baker, wife of Treasury Secretary James Baker; Pam Howar, wife of Washington realtor Raymond Howar; and Sally Nevius, wife of former Washington City Council Chairman John Nevius. They were known as the "Washington wives" -- a reference to their husbands' connections with government in the Washington, D.C. area. In August 1985, 19 record companies agreed to put "Parental Guidance: Explicit Lyrics" labels on albums to warn of explicit lyrical content. Before the labels could be put into place, the Senate agreed to hold a hearing on so-called "porn rock". This began on September 19, 1985, when representatives from the PMRC, three musicians -- Dee Snider, Frank Zappa, John Denver -- and Senators Paula Hawkins and Al Gore testified before the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee on "the subject of the content of certain sound recordings and suggestions that recording packages be labeled to provide a warning to prospective purchasers of sexually explicit or other potentially offensive content." During his statement, musician and producer Frank Zappa asserted that "the PMRC proposal is an ill-conceived piece of nonsense which fails to deliver any real benefits to children, infringes the civil liberties of people who are not children, and promises to keep the courts busy for years dealing with the interpretation and enforcement problems inherent in the proposal's design." (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PMRC)

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_at_PMRC_Senate_Hearing_on_Rock_Lyrics

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Frank Zapppa BBC Documentary 1993

Duration: 59:17
Updated: 04 Sep 2013

I have always been interested in interesting music, film and TV that pushed boundaries and that could be creative, educational and entertaining all at the same time. Back in 2004 I produced a documentary of my own which has been shown on local TV quite a lot in the USA, before there was Youtube and the online release. I'm working on another film about Christiania in Denmark which you can read about here. I'm looking for sponsors who understand that creativity requires time and in turn requires money. I want to make my films freely available to all, it isn't likely that a commercial backer will pick up any of my projects. In return I can give you a credit, but I need a little help. You can read about my current film and donate in complete safety at http://www.gofundme.com/christianiamovie Back in 1993 this doc was shown on BBC2 about three times and never since. The interview with Frank Zappa was one of his last and I first saw it in early '93 when I taped it on VHS. In those days TV was not the horrible medium it is today, there were some decent Arts programmes and not Kirsty Wark showing how ignorant she is by hosting a cretinous book club or the X Factor. Hope you like this clip. I had to wind & rewind the tape about 15 times before it would play without a shower of static all over the screen, not bad for an 18 year old tape. RIP Frank! Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zapppa_BBC_Documentary_1993

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Frank Zappa Late Night with David Letterman June 16, 1983

Duration: 14:41
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: koolstrike

Frank Zappa's appearance on "Late Night With David Letterman" promoting the London Symphony Orchestra album. Posted anywhere for the first time is the Gary T...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_Late_Night_with_David_Letterman_June_16,_1983

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Frank Zappa - Barcelona 1988 (Full Show)

Duration: 132:21
Updated: 20 Jan 2012

This is an extremley interesting filmed concert, Zappa's last tour, great songs never seen before, such as "Baritone woman" and also the classic "sharleena". It´s a two hours of uninterrupted live footage of a complete show. 1988 05 17 - Palacio de Deportes, Barcelona, Spain: Frank Zappa, Ike Willis, Mike Keneally, Scott Thunes, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Bobby Martin, Bruce Fowler, Walt Fowler, Paul Carman, Albert Wing, Kurt McGettrick. 1. THE BLACK PAGE 2. PACKARD GOOSE & (MEDLEY) 3. SHARLEENA 4. BAMBOOZLED BY LOVE 5. BLACK NAPKINS 6. WHEN THE LIE'S SO BIG 7. PLANET OF THE BARITONE WOMEN 8. ANY KIND OF PAIN 9. JESUS THINKS YOU'RE A JERK 10. SOFA 11. FIND HER FINER 12. BIG SWIFTY 13. I AINT'GOT NO HEART 14. LOVE OF MY LIFE 15. THE TORTURE NEVER STOPS 16. BOLERO 17. WATERMELON IN EASTER HAY 18. WHIPPING POST 19. I AM THE WALRUS 20. THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT 21. STRICTLY GENTEEL Dont forget to subscribe! http://www.facebook.com/bphreak http://www.brainphreak.net

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Barcelona_1988_(Full_Show)

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Frank Zappa (VIDEO) A pioneer of Future Music (video documentary)

Duration: 106:09
Updated: 26 Sep 2012

Frank Zappa A pioneer of Future Music (video documentary) A Frank Scheffers documentary, as broadcast by VPRO in the Netherlands April 2007. ( visit zappa official site to know the new CDs edition! ) ( visit zappateers! )

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_(VIDEO)_A_pioneer_of_Future_Music_(video_documentary)

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Frank Zappa Exposing the illuminati

Duration: 14:48
Updated: 31 Oct 2011

Killuminati shit

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_Exposing_the_illuminati

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Frank Zappa - Buffalo (full album)

Duration: 140:20
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: senna01

Disc 1 00:00 - Chunga's Revenge 08:33 - You Are What You Is 12:44 - Mudd Club 15:46 - The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing 19:07 - Cosmik Debris 22:57 - Keep It Gr...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Buffalo_(full_album)

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Frank Zappa on The Steve Allen Show March 4, 1963.mp4

Duration: 16:29
Updated: 06 Feb 2012

Frank promotes his new record How's Your Bird & The Worlds Greatest Sinner movie and then plays a bicycle with Steve. Fun for all.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_on_The_Steve_Allen_Show_March_4,_1963.mp4

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1969 Frank Zappa - Hot Rats [Full album - 1987 remix]

Duration: 47:08
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: Andressa K

I couldn't find HQ uploads of this album so here it is. Hot Rats is the second solo album by Frank Zappa. It was released in October 1969. Five of the six so...

http://wn.com/1969_Frank_Zappa_-_Hot_Rats_Full_album_-_1987_remix_

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Dweezil Zappa plays Frank Zappa

Duration: 138:39
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: Mentor1954_2.0

Tracklist: 01. Cosmik Debris 02. I'm The Slime 03. Pound For A Brown 04. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow 05. St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast 06. Father O'blivion 0...

http://wn.com/Dweezil_Zappa_plays_Frank_Zappa

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Frank Zappa on Nightmatch August 25, 1985 Part 1 of 4

Duration: 9:50
Updated: 01 Sep 2014
author: koolstrike

This is a classic debate show featuring Frank Zappa and Candy Stroud. Part 1 of 4. There are 4 parts of this debate NOT 3 parts, video ran longer than antici...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_on_Nightmatch_August_25,_1985_Part_1_of_4

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Frank Zappa - Watermelon In Easter Hay - 1988

Duration: 4:47
Updated: 24 Dec 2010

Frank Zappa - Watermelon In Easter Hay - Live 1988

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Watermelon_In_Easter_Hay_-_1988

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Frank Zappa on the Steve Allen show. part 1

Duration: 4:50
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: DRMUX

Frank Zappa on the Steve Allen show.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_on_the_Steve_Allen_show._part_1

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FRANK ZAPPA & THE MOTHERS LIVE AT THE ROXY, 1973

Duration: 32:19
Updated: 12 Sep 2013

Frank Zappa's 1974 album Roxy & Elsewhere captured for posterity one of the most musically accomplished incarnations of The Mothers (George Duke, keyboards; Tom Fowler, bass; Ruth Underwood, percussion; Bruce Fowler, trombone; Walt Fowler, trumpet; Napoleon Murphy Brock, tenor sax, vocals; and Chester Thompson and Ralph Humphrey on drums) onstage and on fire. Roxy & Elsewhere was recorded primarily over three nights (December 8,9,10, 1973) live at The Roxy nightclub in the heart of the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood. The Roxy is a pretty intimate club—a performer onstage there could practically make eye-contact with every member of the audience—and the musicianship during these sets was particularly inspired. http://frankzapppa.blogspot.com/ http://youtu.be/V2a0ux53dKY

http://wn.com/FRANK_ZAPPA_&_THE_MOTHERS_LIVE_AT_THE_ROXY,_1973

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Frank Zappa - Does humor belongs in Music? (1984)

Duration: 56:33
Updated: 14 Jun 2012

Does Humor Belong in Music? is a one-hour Frank Zappa concert video composed of live performances at The Pier in New York City (August 26, 1984) along with a few interview segments. It was released on VHS by MPI Home Video in 1985 and reissued on DVD in 2003 by EMI. The video has no recorded material in common with the album of the same name, but some of the tracks were released (in whole or in part) on Volumes One, Three and Six of the You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore series. Players: Frank Zappa - lead guitar, vocals Ray White - guitar, vocals Ike Willis - guitar, vocals Bobby Martin - keyboards, French horn, sax, vocals Allan Zavod - keyboards Scott Thunes - bass, vocals Chad Wackerman - drums Tracks: 01. Zoot Allures 02. Tinsel Town Rebellion --- City of Tiny Lites (beginning) / interview segment 03. Trouble Every Day 04. Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel (edited, and including more interview segments) --- Goblin Girl (beginning) / interview segment --- The Deathless Horsie (ending) 05. The Dangerous Kitchen 06. He's So Gay 07. Bobby Brown 08. Keep It Greasey 09. Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? --- Carol, You Fool (beginning) / interview segment 10. Dinah-Moe Humm 11. Cosmik Debris --- (Encore) 12. Be In My Video 13. Dancin' Fool 14. Whippin' Post

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Does_humor_belongs_in_Music?_(1984)

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Frank Zappa - Stink-Foot (A Token Of His Extreme)

Duration: 4:29
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: Eagle Rock

http://store.eagle-rock.com/title/a-token-of-his-extreme/ DVD: http://smarturl.it/FrankZappaTokenDVD EAGLE ROCK ENTERTAINMENT and the Zappa Family Trust are ...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Stink-Foot_(A_Token_Of_His_Extreme)

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Frank Zappa - Stockholm 1973 08 21 (full concert)

Duration: 75:27
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: 4069fzdz

FZ, Jean Luc Ponty, Tom Fowler, Ralph Humphrey, Ruth Underwood, Ian Underwood, George Duke, Bruce Fowler 01:48 Cosmik Debris 09:49 Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbe...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Stockholm_1973_08_21_(full_concert)

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FRANK ZAPPA - muffin man - Live 1977

Duration: 4:50
Updated: 05 May 2010

FRANK ZAPPA - muffin man - Live 1977

http://wn.com/FRANK_ZAPPA_-_muffin_man_-_Live_1977

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Frank Zappa - Full Concert - 10/13/78 - Capitol Theatre (OFFICIAL)

Duration: 102:07
Updated: 11 Nov 2014

Frank Zappa - Full Concert Recorded Live: 10/13/1978 - Capitol Theatre (Passaic, NJ) More Frank Zappa at Music Vault: http://www.musicvault.com Subscribe to Music Vault: http://goo.gl/DUzpUF Setlist: 0:00:00 - Persona Non Grata Incomplete 0:11:11 - Dancin' Fool 0:14:35 - Easy Meat 0:21:11 - Bamboozled By Love 0:28:39 - Sy Borg 0:33:20 - Suicide Chump 0:42:57 - Little House I Used To Live In 0:49:48 - Zeets (Drum Solo) 0:53:25 - Yo Mama Incomplete 1:03:49 - Magic Fingers 1:06:22 - Black Napkins Incomplete 1:21:25 - Camarillo Brillo 1:25:11 - Muffin Man 1:29:28 - Strictly Genteel

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Full_Concert_-_10_13_78_-_Capitol_Theatre_(OFFICIAL)

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Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention..."Live--Fillmore East 1971 (Full Album)

Duration: 42:11
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: Lance Michel

Happy Halloween Y'all!!

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_and_The_Mothers_of_Invention..."Live--Fillmore_East_1971_(Full_Album)

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Frank Zappa Live (HQ Audio) Boston 1988

Duration: 147:52
Updated: 31 May 2013

FZ at the Orpheum Theatre, In Boston MA. February, 1988.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_Live_(HQ_Audio)_Boston_1988

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Frank Zappa - Broken Hearts are for Assholes (Live)

Duration: 3:52
Updated: 10 Dec 2011

Clip from a movie about people who do stuff that is not normal - Baby Snakes. Starring Frank Zappa. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Broken_Hearts_are_for_Assholes_(Live)

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Frank Zappa " Black Napkins " Live 1977 New York !

Duration: 8:06
Updated: 10 Aug 2014
author: Peter Looser

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_"_Black_Napkins_"_Live_1977_New_York_!

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Frank Zappa-Stinkfoot live 1974

Duration: 4:06
Updated: 31 Aug 2014
author: ChaotinChrissi

"the crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe"

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa-Stinkfoot_live_1974

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[FULL] Frank Zappa - We Don't Mess Around - Circus Krone Munchen 1978

Duration: 57:59
Updated: 14 Feb 2013

Frank Zappa "We Don't Mess Around" September 8, 1978 Circus Krone, Munich, Germany FZ, Ike Willis, Denny Walley, Arthur Barrow, Tommy Mars, Peter Wolf, Ed Mann, Vinnie Colaiuta 58 mins Tracklist: Pound for a Brown Baby Snakes Deathless Horsie Dancin' Fool Easy Meat Honey Don't You Want a Man Like Me? Keep It Greasey Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? Sofa #2 Vinnie's Seal Call Fusion Music Bobby Brown Conehead Dead Air/I'm On Duty St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast Father Oblivion Rollo Bamboozled Outro

http://wn.com/_FULL_Frank_Zappa_-_We_Don't_Mess_Around_-_Circus_Krone_Munchen_1978

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Frank Zappa - Peaches En Regalia LIVE

Duration: 3:30
Updated: 17 Aug 2013

Frank Zappa Life, TV show (1975(?)) performance with the mothers of invention nO mUsiC nO LifE. Sharing is Living

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Peaches_En_Regalia_LIVE

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Frank Zappa : Aproximate + Cosmik debris (Los Angeles 1974)

Duration: 12:32
Updated: 25 Jun 2012

Frank Zappa : Aproximate + Cosmik debris (Los Angeles 1974)

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_Aproximate_+_Cosmik_debris_(Los_Angeles_1974)

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Frank Zappa - Yellow Snow Suite - 10/13/1978 - Capitol Theatre (Official)

Duration: 16:36
Updated: 12 Sep 2014

Frank Zappa - Yellow Snow Suite Recorded Live: 10/13/1978 - Capitol Theatre - Passaic, NJ More Frank Zappa at Music Vault: http://www.musicvault.com Subscribe to Music Vault on YouTube: http://goo.gl/DUzpUF Personnel: Frank Zappa - guitar, vocals Denny Walley - slide guitar, vocals Ike Wiilis - guitar, vocals Patrick O'Hearn - bass Arthur Barrow - bass Tommy Mars - keyboards Peter Wolf - keyboards Vinnie Colaiuta - drums Ed Mann - percussion Summary: Although poor quality audience recordings have circulated among fans for many years, presented here for the first time ever is a direct recording of Frank Zappa's early show on October 13, 1978 at The Capitol Theatre in Passaic, NJ. This night is notable not only for containing two of the most memorable performances of the 1978 World Tour, but this concert was also bass player Patrick O'hearn's debut gig with Zappa. The concert contains a wide ranging selection of material both old and new and a good balance between Zappa's humorous social commentary songs and his more challenging instrumental compositions. It kicks off with a standout example of Zappa's seering guitar work on "Deathless Horsie," which would finally see release on his Shut Up & Play Your Guitar series several years later. In terms of outstanding solos, a highly improvised "City Of Tiny Lights" featuring Denny Walley in fantastic form on slide guitar, is certainly a highlight. The same can be said of is "Pound For A Brown On The Bus," which immediately follows. This serves as an extended showcase for Ed Mann on vibes, followed by electric piano and then synthesizer solos by Tommy Mars and Peter Wolf. Closing the set is a complete performance of the Apostrophe album classic "Yellow Snow Suite. The two encores are also notable, beginning with a non-orchestral performance of "Strictly Genteel." This grand finale composition to "200 Motels" is followed by "Dinah Moe Hum." On this final encore Zappa adamantly insists on sing-a-long audience participation. When he notices a guy wearing a Rolling Stones t-shirt who is not joining in the fun, he specifically singles him out. So determined is Zappa to get this gentleman to sing along, that he vows to end the performance should he fail to participate! Following an unsuccessful second chance to engage said audience member, and true to his word, Zappa suddenly stops the performance and concludes the concert.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Yellow_Snow_Suite_-_10_13_1978_-_Capitol_Theatre_(Official)

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Frank Zappa ~ MONTANA

Duration: 10:45
Updated: 03 Aug 2013
author: bignz721

Live at The Roxy. Doing what he does best.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_~_MONTANA

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Frank Zappa & Ensemble Modern - The Yellow Shark (Live 1992 Full Concert)

Duration: 89:23
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: BlueWildAngel11

Frankfurt, Germany, 17 September 1992. Conducted by Peter Rundel & Frank Zappa* Set list: 1. Overture (1990)* 2. Dog Vreath Variations/Uncle Meat (1983/1992)...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_&_Ensemble_Modern_-_The_Yellow_Shark_(Live_1992_Full_Concert)

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Frank Zappa interview 1974

Duration: 8:53
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: cosmicrat

Zappa again interviewed by the Finnish national tv. He is answering in his brilliant style.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_interview_1974

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Frank Zappa: CNN "Freeman Report" Full Interview

Duration: 47:31
Updated: 02 Sep 2014
author: gambit102

In this long interview from the October 26th, 1981, edition of the "Freeman Report", host Sandi Freeman appears mostly well prepared as she asks Frank Zappa ...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_CNN_"Freeman_Report"_Full_Interview

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Frank Zappa - Lost Interview - Early Influences (1-7)

Duration: 10:00
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: TheNilesLeshProject

PART 1 OF 7 Frank discusses his early musical influences http://newworldrhinos.blogspot.com/ http://nilesleshrevelation.blogspot.com/

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Lost_Interview_-_Early_Influences_(1-7)

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Frank Zappa - Baltimore Interview, August 1985

Duration: 25:57
Updated: 31 Aug 2014
author: tomtiddler1

Baltimore, USA,. August 1985. (Unaired Footage)

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Baltimore_Interview,_August_1985

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Zappa Interview Today Show 1993

Duration: 10:22
Updated: 22 Nov 2007

One of Frank's last interviews, conducted by NBC's Jamie Gangel for the Today Show.

http://wn.com/Zappa_Interview_Today_Show_1993

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Frank Zappa - Various TV Interviews, 1980's

Duration: 31:49
Updated: 04 Sep 2014
author: tomtiddler1

1. Interview broadcast on Danish TV, September 22nd, 1987. 2. Nightline (American TV News) September 13th, 1985. 3. Evening News, September 12th, 1985.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Various_TV_Interviews,_1980's

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Frank Zappa - Interview - 12/8/1984 - unknown (Official)

Duration: 19:00
Updated: 12 Sep 2014

Frank Zappa - Interview Recorded Live: 12/8/1984 - unknown - , More Frank Zappa at Music Vault: http://www.musicvault.com Subscribe to Music Vault on YouTube: http://goo.gl/DUzpUF

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Interview_-_12_8_1984_-_unknown_(Official)

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Frank Zappa interview for TROS TV Show 1991

Duration: 13:51
Updated: 01 Sep 2014
author: CaptainJos

TV Show op reis: Frank Zappa. Originally broadcasted by TROS (Netherlands) on December 10 1993. Interviewer: Ivo Niehe. With Dutch subtitles. The interview w...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_interview_for_TROS_TV_Show_1991

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Frank Zappa Interview- Monday Conference Australia 1973 Robert Moore

Duration: 48:16
Updated: 03 Sep 2014
author: Suzy Alphanzo

Frank Zappa answers questions posed by Robert Moore and the members of audience about politics, rock n roll, sex, drugs, rock n roll consumer, advertising, p...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_Interview-_Monday_Conference_Australia_1973_Robert_Moore

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Frank Zappa - Interview With "The Zappas"

Duration: 11:52
Updated: 03 Sep 2014
author: tomtiddler1

Interview with Frank, Moon Unit and Dweezil, Halloween 1983, CBS Nightwatch.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Interview_With_"The_Zappas"

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Frank Zappa - Lost Interview - Hendrix, UFOs & Sex (5-7)

Duration: 9:53
Updated: 29 Jul 2013
author: Marty Hacker

Frank Zappa - Lost Interview - Hendrix, UFOs & Sex (5-7)

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Lost_Interview_-_Hendrix,_UFOs_&_Sex_(5-7)

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Frank Zappa - Television Interview 1976

Duration: 8:48
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: tomtiddler1

Mid Day Live TV, interviewed by Bill Boggs. WNEW 5, New York City, December 22nd, 1976.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Television_Interview_1976

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Frank Zappa's Last Interview

Duration: 1:13
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: Krullfan66

Frank Zappa talks about his friend, Nicholas Slonimsky.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa's_Last_Interview

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Frank Zappa - Martin Perlich Interview 1972 (complete - audio only)

Duration: 50:08
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: kx9x

Frank Zappa interviewed by Martin Perlich on "Electric Tongue" on KMET radio in Los Angeles, 1972. This is one of Frank's finest interviews, as both intervie...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Martin_Perlich_Interview_1972_(complete_-_audio_only)

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Howard Stern Interview with Moon Unit and Frank Zappa

Duration: 22:21
Updated: 04 Sep 2014
author: kazimatiz

From the 27th of June 1993.

http://wn.com/Howard_Stern_Interview_with_Moon_Unit_and_Frank_Zappa

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Frank Zappa on Larry King Live (FULL)

Duration: 18:58
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: ItsTheSuperDog

Full interview of Frank Zappa on Larry King Live, August 1985.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_on_Larry_King_Live_(FULL)

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Frank, Moon & Dweezil Zappa - Nite Life Interview 1986

Duration: 15:53
Updated: 22 Jun 2014
author: Frank Dracman

Big up to Zappa Family values.

http://wn.com/Frank,_Moon_&_Dweezil_Zappa_-_Nite_Life_Interview_1986

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Frank Zappa - Lost Interview - Problems with Democracy(6-7)

Duration: 9:36
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: TheNilesLeshProject

Part 6 of 7 This segment features Frank dissecting democracy. He reveals that 1 man 1 vote can be manipulated by the control of information that each voter r...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Lost_Interview_-_Problems_with_Democracy(6-7)

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Frank Zappa - Australian TV show Monday Conference 1973 Part One

Duration: 14:31
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: blobbers zap

Frank talks about the politics of the rock scene 1973.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Australian_TV_show_Monday_Conference_1973_Part_One

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FRANK ZAPPA-interview-canada TV-1981 THE NEW MUSIC EPISODE

Duration: 15:29
Updated: 18 Aug 2014
author: oatstao

rare interview from Canada TV - City TV 21 in Toronto run by Moses Znaimer.

http://wn.com/FRANK_ZAPPA-interview-canada_TV-1981_THE_NEW_MUSIC_EPISODE

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Frank Zappa - The Man From Utopia (Full Album)

Duration: 40:26
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: Diego Matera

1. Cocaine Decisions 2. SEX 3. Tink Walks Amok 4. The Radio is Broken 5. We Are Not Alone 6. The Dangerous Kitchen 7. The Man from Utopia Meets Mary Lou 8. S...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_The_Man_From_Utopia_(Full_Album)

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Frank Zappa - Waka/Jawaka (Full Album)

Duration: 36:20
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: Bruno Amâncio

01 - Big Swifty 02 - Your Mouth 03 - It Just Might Be a One-Shot Deal 04 - Waka/Jawaka Year: 1972.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Waka_Jawaka_(Full_Album)

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Frank Zappa - You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Vol 2 (Disc 1)

Duration: 61:42
Updated: 04 Sep 2014
author: Julieta Anabel

Tracklist Disc 1: 1. "Tush Tush Tush (A Token of My Extreme)" 2:48 2. "Stinkfoot" 4:18 3. "Inca Roads" 10:54 4. "RDNZL" 8:43 5. "Village of the Sun" 4:33 6. "Echidna's Arf (Of You)"...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_You_Can't_Do_That_On_Stage_Anymore,_Vol_2_(Disc_1)

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Frank Zappa - Cheap Thrills [Full Album]

Duration: 47:46
Updated: 06 Sep 2014
author: eliotbw

Brilliant album by Frank Zappa Cheap Thrills 1998 00:00 - I Could Be a Star Now 00:34 - Catholic Girls (live version) 04:39 - Bobby Brown Goes Down (live ver...

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_Cheap_Thrills_Full_Album_

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Frank Zappa & Mothers Of Invention - Stockholm, Sweden 8.21.73

Duration: 58:56
Updated: 05 Sep 2014
author: Whoaduderighteous

Montana Dupree's Paradise Farther O'blivion Frank Zappa Jean-Luc Ponty George Duke Tom Fowler Ralph Humphrey Ruth Underwood Ian Underwood Bruce Fowler.

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_&_Mothers_Of_Invention_-_Stockholm,_Sweden_8.21.73

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My "Best Of... Frank Zappa" Compilation

Duration: 83:21
Updated: 22 Feb 2015

I do not own the songs or the picture. 00001 - St.Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast 00:00 00002 - Father O'blivion 01:49 00003 - Dirty Love 04:05 00004 - Zomby Woof 07:05 00005 - Zoot Allures 12:14 00006 - Let's Make The Water Turn Black 16:28 00007 - Camarillo Brillo 18:30 00008 - Aybe Sea 22:28 00009 - Dinah-Moe Hum 25:14 00010 - Don t You Ever Wash That Thing 31:16 00011 - Fifty-Fifty 40:57 00012 - I m The Slime 47:07 00013 - Peaches En Regalia 50:42 00014 - Revised Music For Guitar And Low-Budget Orchestra 54:19 00015 - Disco Boy 01:01:56 00016 - Village Of The Sun 01:07:05 00017 - It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal 01:11:23 00018 - Sofa No.1 01:15:39

http://wn.com/My_"Best_Of..._Frank_Zappa"_Compilation

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Frank Zappa Overnite Sensation

Duration: 34:38
Updated: 30 Aug 2014
author: G Panizzut

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_Overnite_Sensation

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Frank Zappa - You Can't Do That on Stage Anymore, Vol. 1 (CD 1)

Duration: 72:28
Updated: 19 Mar 2015

Tracklist: 1."The Florida Airport Tape" (Kaylan, Volman, Zappa) 1:03 2."Once Upon a Time" 4:37 3."Sofa #1" 2:53 4."The Mammy Anthem" 5:41 5."You Didn't Try to Call Me" 3:39 6."Diseases of the Band" 2:22 7."Tryin' to Grow a Chin" 3:44 8."Let's Make the Water Turn Black/Harry, You're a Beast/The Orange County Lumber Truck" 3:27 9."The Groupie Routine" 5:41 10."Ruthie-Ruthie" (Berry, Brock) 2:57 11."Babbette" 3:35 12."I'm the Slime" 3:13 13."Big Swifty” 8:46 14."Don't Eat the Yellow Snow/Nanook Rubs It/St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast/Father O'Blivion/Rollo" 20:16 All songs written and composed by Frank Zappa Muscians : Frank Zappa (engineer, keyboards, vocals, producer, main performer, guitar) - Mark Volman (vocals) - Howard Kaylan (vocals) - Chad Wackerman (vocals) - Ray Collins(guitar, vocals) - Ike Willis (guitar, vocals) - Lowell George (guitar, vocals) - Ray White (guitar, vocals) - Adrian Belew (guitar, vocals) - Warren Cuccurullo (guitar, organ) - Ian Underwood (guitar, wind, keyboards) - Steve Vai(guitar) - Dweezil Zappa (guitar) - Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals) - Jim Sherwood (guitar, wind, vocals) - Scott Thunes (bass guitar, synthesizer, vocals) - Jim Pons (bass guitar, vocals) - Roy Estrada (bass guitar, vocals) - Jeff Simmons (bass guitar) - Tom Fowler (bass guitar) - Patrick O'Hearn (wind, bass guitar) - Arthur Barrow (keyboards, bass guitar) - Peter Wolf (keyboards) - Allan Zavod (keyboards) - Don Preston (keyboards) - Ruth Underwood (vibraphone, percussion) - Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals, saxophone) - Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals) - George Duke (keyboards, vocals) - Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone) - Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals) - Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone, trumpet) - Bruce Fowler (trombone) - Vinnie Colaiuta (drums) - Ralph Humphrey (drums) - Artie Tripp (drums) - David Logerman (drums) - Aynsley Dunbar (drums) - Terry Bozzio (drums) - Chester Thompson (drums) - Jimmy Carl Black (drums, percussion) - Ed Mann (percussion) Released: May 16, 1988 Recorded: 1969-1984

http://wn.com/Frank_Zappa_-_You_Can't_Do_That_on_Stage_Anymore,_Vol._1_(CD_1)

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photo: AP

A police officer holds the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. by his belt as he leads him to the paddy wagon, following arrest at an anti-segregation protest in downtown Birmingham, Ala., on April 13, 1963.

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Dr. King's and Freddie Gray's Crucible of Steel and Terror

WorldNews.com

05 May 2015

Article by WN.com Correspondent Dallas Darling. Although Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Freddie Gray faced the crucible of steel, or police paddy wagon, a major difference is that Dr. King survived whereas Freddie Gray did not. But in a society of nameless and dispensable young black men, where a large percentage are either unemployed or incarcerated, some lives really do not matter ... Actually, between 1955 and 1965, Dr ... Dr ... Dr ... In Dr ... Dr....

photo: AP / Photo

Bollywood actor Salman Khan arrives at a court in Mumbai, India, Wednesday, May 6, 2015. Media reports say a Mumbai court has held Khan guilty of running over five men sleeping on a sidewalk, killing one in a 2002 hit-and-run case.

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Bollywood Star Salman Khan Found Guilty In Fatal Hit-And-Run Case

Huffington Post

06 May 2015

MUMBAI, India (AP) — One of India's biggest and most popular movie stars, Salman Khan, has been found guilty of running over five men sleeping on a sidewalk, killing one in a hit-and-run case that has dragged through the courts for more than 12 years. A Mumbai court on Wednesday convicted Khan of culpable homicide, saying all charges against him had been proved, Press Trust of India said ... But Judge D.W ... ....

photo: AP / Laurent Cipriani

In this March 26, 2015 file photo, rescue workers work on debris of the Germanwings jet at the crash site near Seyne-les-Alpes, France. The co-pilot of Germanwings Flight 4525 tried a controlled descent on the previous flight that morning to Barcelona before the plane crashed into a mountainside in March on its way back to Germany

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Andreas Lubitz, Co-Pilot On Doomed Germanwings Jet, Reportedly Did A Practice Run Before Crash

Huffington Post

06 May 2015

PARIS (AP) — The co-pilot of Germanwings Flight 4525 tried a controlled descent on the previous flight that morning to Barcelona before the plane crashed into a mountainside in March on its way back to Germany, French air accident investigators said in a new report released Wednesday ... The report said the pilot appeared to have left the cockpit during that flight as well ... ....

photo: AP / Manu Fernandez

FC Barcelona's Lionel Messi of Argentina reacts after scoring against Arsenal during their Champions League quarterfinal second leg soccer match at the Camp Nou stadium in Barcelona, Spain, Tuesday, April 6, 2010

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Watch Lionel Messi score two amazing goals vs. Bayern Munich [video]

The Los Angeles Times

07 May 2015

Lionel Messi was his usual brilliant self for Barcelona on Wednesday when scoring two incredible goals against visiting Bayern Munich during a 3-0 victory in a Champions League semifinal.lRelated SportsPatriots altered footballs and Tom Brady knew it, NFL report saysSee all related. 8. The outcome, though, was in doubt until late in the game. The first goal was a blast from just outside the 18-yard box in the 77th minute ... 0 ... ....

photo: White House / Pete Souza

File - President Barack Obama takes over for Stephen Colbert during "The Word" segment of "The Colbert Report with Stephen Colbert" during a taping at George Washington University's Lisner Auditorium in Washington, D.C., Dec. 8, 2014.

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What will Obama do after the White House?

CNN

06 May 2015

(CNN)The recent debate over where President Barack Obama will establish a library to house his official papers -- a debate now settled in favor of Chicago -- serves as a reminder that we'll soon see the end of the administration and the launch of an Obama post-presidency. To judge by recent comments, Obama as an ex-president will end up reverting to his most successful political persona ... Errol Louis ... "I grew up without a dad ... Replay ... ....

« back to news headlines

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Think you know Frank Zappa Plays Zappa offers another view

Big News Network

07 May 2015

Dweezil Zappa (with guitar), son of Baltimore native Frank Zappa, started Zappa Plays Zappa to change the public's perception of his father ... ....

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Defense attorney Sam Shamansky stands up for his work

The Columbus Dispatch

04 May 2015

Based on classroom performance, Sam Shamansky didn’t seem destined for a successful legal career when he graduated from Bexley High School in 1978. “My best buddy and I both occupied the same spot in the class rank. 171 out of 176,” he said ... “The answer is simple,” he said ... Smith ... On the wall of the waiting area are two Frank Zappa posters and a large reproduction of the Beatles’ Abbey Road album cover....

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How ‘Louie Louie’ Launched a Boner-Related FBI Investigation

The Daily Beast

30 Apr 2015

The classic 1963 recording by Kingsmen inspired a 119-page file on the song’s possibly scandalous lyrics. The voice behind one of the catchiest, messiest recordings in the history of rock n’ roll has passed away ... The Kingsmen version of the three-chord song inspired numerous covers by other rock and pop artists—from Frank Zappa to Joan Jett and the Blackhearts ... And it was all, at a very federal level, much ado about nothing ... ....

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Russell Brand is not alone: Horrors frontman Faris Badwan also thinks voting is pointless, yeah?

The Guardian

30 Apr 2015

The Rugby-educated singer says voting is for people with no imagination. Roll on the indie election campaign. Faris Badwan and his alma mater, Rugby. Photograph. REX/Alamy/Rex/Alamy/Guardian montage. Sophie Heawood. @heawood. Thursday 30 April 2015 18.36 BST. Frank Zappa once said that you should never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment ... The musician continued. “I don’t think you get anything from voting ... Hey ho! ... ....

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'Louie Louie' singer Jack Ely dies at 71

Celebrity Café

29 Apr 2015

Jack Ely, the singer of the Kingsmen’s iconic garage rock hit “Louie Louie,” has died. He was 71 years old. Ely’s death was confirmed by his son, Sean Ely, in an interview with the Associated Press ... The Beach Boys, Jan and Dean, Iggy Pop, Frank Zappa and even Nirvana all recorded versions of the song ... Follow @celcafe. Tweet ... ....

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Remembering Jack Ely, the singer behind 'Louie Louie'

The Los Angeles Times

29 Apr 2015

He was 71 ... cComments Got something to say? Start the conversation and be the first to comment. Add a comment. 0 ... The song, a three-chord stomp with a needling guitar solo, became a rock 'n' roll standard and was later covered by hundreds of acts, including the Clash, Frank Zappa and Iggy Pop ... Twitter. @mikaelwood. ....

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SunFest 2015: Hozier brings ‘Church’ to West Palm festival

Palm Beach Post

29 Apr 2015

Before Hozier stepped onto the Grammy stage alongside Annie Lennox earlier this year, he experienced a foreign feeling. nervousness. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way before a performance,” the soft-spoken Irishman said by phone recently from a tour stop in Ohio ... to the U.K. to Australia ... “Tom Waits’ covers were fascinating before you even listened to anything, and Frank Zappa’s artwork really connected,” he said ... IF YOU GO....

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'Louie Louie' singer Jack Ely of The Kingsmen dies at 71

Syracuse

29 Apr 2015

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — When he stood on his toes, leaned his head back and began to incoherently shout "Louie Louie" into a microphone 52 years ago, Jack Ely had no idea he was creating a rock 'n' roll classic ... When it came time to do that, however, Ely discovered the sound engineer had raised the studio's only microphone several feet above his head ... "Louie Louie. Oh no. We gotta go." ... Frank Zappa even did one with shock jock Howard Stern ... ....

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'Louie Louie' singer Jack Ely dies in Oregon at 71

WPXI

29 Apr 2015

When he stood on his toes, leaned his head back and began to incoherently shout "Louie Louie" into a microphone 52 years ago, Jack Ely had no idea he was creating a rock 'n' roll classic ... When it came time to do that, however, Ely discovered the sound engineer had raised the studio's only microphone several feet above his head ... "Louie Louie. Oh no. We gotta go." ... Frank Zappa even did one with shock jock Howard Stern ... ___ ... ....

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Bettye LaVette is worth your time

Stuff

28 Apr 2015

SIMON SWEETMAN. A decade ago or so - maybe a dozen years now - Rodger Fox brought Bettye LaVette to New Zealand, one of his package-tour shows ... Rodger Fox celebrated one of many milestones in his career by bringing Michael Brecker to New Zealand. This musician had played on so many of my favourite records - albums by Todd Rundgren and Billy Cobham, Paul Simon and Frank Zappa, George Benson and Jaco Pastorius among many others ... ....

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Pierre Boulez and the Second Viennese School

The Examiner

26 Apr 2015

It is only when Boulez gets to Webern that the juices really start to flow, and we realize that Frank Zappa was not kidding when he said the only recording he liked to listen to was of Boulez conducting the complete works of Webern. While it may be true that Zappa was just saying this to be obstreperous, it is just as true that the trail that Webern ......

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‘Salvage’ at PNT is another Zettelmaier hit

The Examiner

25 Apr 2015

Joseph Zettelmaier’s latest drama officially opened this week at Performance Network Theatre, where he has premiered many of his popular plays ... It doesn’t disappoint ... This play starts out normal enough ... (He has a framed print of Frank Zappa as Sheik Yerbouti on the wall.) But he also appreciates the value of general collectibles, from lunch boxes to baseball cards to pop-culture ephemera ... It’s valuable and rare ... and Sundays at 2 p.m ... ....

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Joan Rimmer obituary

The Guardian

24 Apr 2015

In the 1960s, accompanying Frank on teaching sabbaticals in the US at Yale, Princeton and Stanford, where they began a 20-year friendship with Frank Zappa, Bunty spurred her husband’s interest in ethnomusicology by driving the two of them through the mountains of Mexico, Central and South America and making early tape to tape recordings of the ......

Top Frank Zappa, Promiscuous

Top Frank Zappa, Intro (Rap)

Tonight though I'll tell you one thing about these New York crowds
Some of them, they get too carried away you know because they think Frank Zappa is such a mad man
You know they come here to see him go crazy or something you know
They don't realise there's notes are involved you know
I told you the first time I met you, you remember that what I said.
You want to be in the band!
No well, I wouldn't do that to you man, I would try out for the band but I wouldn't ...
I'll try you out
I don't sing
What do you mean you don't sing, I've heard you sing

Top Frank Zappa, Keep It Greasey

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
"Hi-ho Silver!"
Way!
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n
grease it down
I'll drive you through
the heart of town
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n
grease it down
I'll drive you through
the heart of town
"Hi-ho Silver!"
Hey, the good women,
they sure has it tough
The good men, well
there just ain't enough
All the good girls are
lookin' all the time
Good silver 's
something that
they can't find
'Cause if they
find one miraculously
They try to be lovin'
as they can be
'Cause if they find
one and let him go
Chances are they
might not never find
one no mo'
So they
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Way!
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n
grease it down
I'll drive you through
the heart of town
A good lovin' man
is hardest to find
A good woman needs
to ease her mind
And I know a few that
need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is
grease it down
'N everything is fine
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease
it down
I'll drive you through
the heart of town
A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube 'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber
"Hi-ho Silver!"
From the side of
your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound...
"Hi-ho Silver!"
"Thank you, Masked Man!"
"Hi-ho Silver!"
Ok: everybody!
"Hi-ho Silver!"
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it
down, down, down
Grease it down...
Oh no no no! Here comes
that screamin' sound

Top Frank Zappa, Make A Sex Noise

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Mike Keneally (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Ed Mann (vibes, marimba, electronic percussion)
Walt Fowler (trumpet, flugel horn, synthesizer)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Paul Carman (alto saxophone, soprano saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Albert Wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt McGettrick (baritone saxophone, bass saxophone, contrabass clarinet)
Scott Thunes (electric bass, mini-moog)
Chad Wackerman (drums, electronic percussion)
FZ: Now ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally do this but just because this is Saint Patrick's Day, this is our special Saint Patrick's Day program, and I even wear a green shirt and everything. We wanna try and work a little bit of, well let's just say Home Grown Irish Flavor into this program. Now bring the band on down behind me boys, this is really quite technical. You understand that each ethnic group has characteristics, and these characteristics are generally made fun of by other ethnic groups. Now I happen to feel that the Irish people in this country have gotten a "bum rap", to use a common expression. Many people feel that Irish people in America simply aren't sexy. Now in order to dispell the ethnic myth that people of the Irish persuasion are not particulary sexy, we are going to make it possible for volunteers from the audience tonight to demonstrate just how hot they are. Now what I would like to have... I would like to have at least four girls who think they are Irish to come up here . . . no, they have, no no no, they have to be volunteers, you have to volunteer for this, it can't be under duress. I, no, let me explain, this is very scientific, we need two more. Okay heh, you all think you're Irish, right? OK, ok. Now listen, quiet please, this is very very scientific. That's right. In order to prove that you are genuinely hot we're going to give you, each and every one, an opportunity to make a sex noise with musical accompaniment. And so:
Make a sex noise!
(Say)
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
FZ: Now, I'm not sure that each and everyone of these contestants is truly Irish in the biblical sense of the word, but I think we have to give them credit for coming up here and representing the Irish people in Binghamton tonight. Especially when you realize that that's about the only form of safe sex left in America.

Top Frank Zappa, Ronnie's Booger Story

Ronnie Williams (vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Ronnie:
We lived in a little room, man. It was, it was probably a fourth as big as, as your livin' room, Frank. (cough) And uh, everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh, or wipe it there if we couldn't flip it there, y'know. And uh, I guess Dwight stayed with me for about....'bout seven months, wasn't it? Six months? And uh, every night we'd contribute, y'know, two or three or four boogers, y'know. And when he left, uh my mom knew what was goin' on all the time but we thought we had her hoodwinked. Y'see, she was smarter than we, what, than what we were. An' she made us clean 'em off, y'know? We used Ajax and we couldn't get them things...we had to use a... had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. You couldn't even see out the winduh with all them boogers, man. I'm not kiddin' you (sniff). An' it was big ones too, an little, and there was some goober ones that weren't even hard man, you'd just smear 'em, young ones. It's like fro-you've seen frosted glasses. That wind

Top Frank Zappa, Teen-Age Prostitute

Top Frank Zappa, The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts

Top Frank Zappa, The Girl's Dream

Top Frank Zappa, This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Prologue)

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
This town.. this town..
This town we're in is just a
Sealed Tuna Sandwich with the wrapper glued.
Mark Volman:
We get a few in every tour.
Howard Kaylan:

Top Frank Zappa, The Sealed Tuna Bolero

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
This town.. this town..
is just a Sealed
Tuna Sandwich.
Sealed
Tuna Sandwich
with the wrapper glued ...
It's by baloney on the rack
It goes for 40 cents a whack.
It's just a rancid little snack
in a plastic bag
from a matron in La Habre with a blown-out crack

Top Frank Zappa, Tuna Fish Promenade

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
This town.. this town..
is just a Sealed
Tuna Sandwich.
Sealed
Tuna Sandwich
with the wrapper glued ...
It's by baloney on the rack
It goes for 40 cents a whack.
It's just a place for us to play
to help us pay
the cost of the tickets
back to L.A.
the cost of the tickets
back to L.A.
the cost of the tickets
back to L.A.
Chorus:
All the people in the Sandwich Town
think the place is great.
What if part of it's crumbling down?
Most of them prob'ly won't be 'round ...
Howard Kaylan:
They'll either be dead..
Mark Volman:
or moved to San Francisco.
Howard Kaylan:
( Where everybody thinks they're Heavy Business.

Top Frank Zappa, This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Reprise)

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
This town.. this town..
This town we're in is just a
Sealed Tuna Sandwich with the wrapper glued.
Mark Volman:
We get a few in every tour.
??:
They're always such a fucking bore.
I can't wait till we blow this town and
work a place with some local hot action!

Top Frank Zappa, Would You Like A Snack?

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Went on the road
for a month touring.
What a drag...
You gotta go
even if you'd rather be at home.
Flaked out
in Hollywood.
drove to Inglewood and then we dumped
all our shit into the plane at five-O-three
( What's it gonna be? )
Mark Volman:
Chicken, beef or turkey?
Howard Kaylan:
La La La La
Mark Volman:

Top Frank Zappa, What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
What will this evening
bring me this morning?
What will this evening
bring me this morning?
Dawn will arrive
without any warning.
What will I say
the next day to whatever
I drag to my hotel tonight?
(If things go alright.)
What will I say
the next day to whatever
I drag to my hotel tonight?
( Will she be outasite?)
What will this evening
bring me this morning?
What will this evening
bring me this morning?
A succulent fat one!
A mod little flat one,
maybe a hot one (to give me the clap!)
maybe a freak who gets off with a strap.
{repeat and fade out}
What will I say
the next day to whatever
I drag to my hotel tonight?
(If things go alright.)
What will I say
the next day to whatever
I drag to my hotel tonight?

Top Frank Zappa, The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Male Tenore:
The girl wants to fix him some broth.
Female Soprano:
Tinselcock!
Chorus:
Tinselcock!
Female Soprano:
Would you like some broth?
Male Tenore:
Some nice soup.
Female Soprano:
Some hot broth.
Male Tenore:
Small dogs in it.
Female Soprano:
Do you
Male Tenore:
You like broth? Dog broth.
Female Soprano:
Hot broth.
Male Tenore:
You like dog broth hot? How do you like it? The four styles of it
the breathe broth breath, and the ever popular hygienic European version,
Tinselcock!
Tinselcock!
Chorus:
Tinselcock!
Male Tenore:

Top Frank Zappa, Strictly Genteel (The Finale)

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Theodor Bikel:
This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theatre. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song. It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie. It's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you. We uh, understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world.
Lord, have mercy on the people in England,
for the terrible food these people must eat.
( Errrr, excuse me )
And may the lord have mercy on the fate of this movie
and God bless the mind of the man in the street.
Chorus:
Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen
through the terrible functions they all must perform.
God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos,
Female Soprano:
And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm.
Chorus:
Help everybody, so they all get some action,
some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction.
Female Soprano:
A room and a meal
And a garbage disposal
A lawn and a hose'll
Be strictly genteel.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book,
the girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse.
Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy
and the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course.
Chorus:
Help everybody, so they all get some action,
some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
A Swedish apparatus with a hood and a bludgeon
with a microwave oven. "Honey, how do it feel?"
Everybody:
Yeah
Ahhh
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots
and the dykes and the weird little children they grow.
Help the black man.
Help the poor man.
Help the milk man.
Help the door man.
Help the lonely, neglected old farts that I know.
Theodore Bikel:
It's been swell havin' you with us tonight folks.
Mark Volman:
But, don't leave the theatre yet, 'cause there's still more to come, but before we go on, I want to introduce to you my friend and musical associate, Howard Kaylan, who's going to give us all a final closing benediction.
Howard Kaylan:
They're going to clear out the studio...
They're going to tear down all the...
They're going to whip down all the...
They're going to sweep out all the...
They're going to pay off all the...
Mark Volman:
(oh, yeah!)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
And then... and then... and then... and then...
Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
Aww now, every one of our lovely and talented dancers
the light bulb men, camera men, make-up men
Mark Volman:
(The fake-up men)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
And, the rake-up men.
Jimmy Carl Black:
(Especially Herbie Cohen, yeahoooo...)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
They're all going to rise up.
They're going to jump up! I said jump up!
Talkin' 'bout jump right up on off the floor.
Jump right up and hit the door!
Mark Volman:
They're all going to rise up, and jump off.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
They're going to ride on home.
They're going to ride on home.
They're going to ride on home.
They're going to ride on home.
Howard Kaylan:
And once again take themselves seriously.
Yeah, Two, three, four, seriously.
Mark Volman:
They're all going to go home,
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Through the driving sleet and rain
Mark Volman:
They're all going to go home,
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
through the fog, through the dust.
Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost.
Mark Volman:
They're all going to go home.
Howard Kaylan:
And get out of it as they can be.
Jimmy Carl Black:
And the same goes for me.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Howard Kaylan:
And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group
in his own special way is going to get out of it as he can be.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
They're all going to get wasted.
They're all going to get twisted.
They're all going to get wasted.
They're all going to get twisted.
Howard Kaylan:
And I am definitely going to get ....
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
REAMED
Howard Kaylan:
'Cause I'm such a lonely.. I'm such a lonely..
a lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy.
Oh, and I know tonight, I am definitely...
I am positively... I just have to get...
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Bent, reamed and wasted.
Jimmy Carl Black:
A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey.
Howard Kaylan:

Top Frank Zappa, The Pigs' Music

FZ: Tonight you guys are going to try and figure out the pigs' music
Spider: You see if we understood it, maybe we could help the pigs understand
John: Nah, the problem with that is you think the pigs are essentially kind at heart . . .
Spider: Aw, I didn't say that . . .
John: But the pigs are essentially pigs
John: If we could either move the smoke or if we turn the cold light on it and shrink it so they can't even salute it . . .
Spider: It's . . . it's really . . . It's sort of the opposite event. You see it was a long time ago when Pigs and Ponies used to inter-breed with people on farms . . . and they reached a state where . . . where like the pigs were . . . communicable. They brought 'em in and tried . . . tried to teach them things. They're just as likely to live in the ocean as anywhere else . . . Wouldn't get rid of them, really. Just means that the ocean would be just as unsafe as every other place. That's what happened. Ya know, they tried to put 'em places where they wouldn't make it, but they made it anyway
John: They wanted to use yaks, too
Pig With Wings: EE . . . EE . . . EE . . . EE
Spider: What's that?
John: That's the Pig with Wings

Top Frank Zappa, The Ocean Is The Ultimate Solution

[6:41]
O'Hearn: Damn it!

Top Frank Zappa, I'm Not Satisfied (In Album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets)

Top Frank Zappa, The Poodle Lecture

In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God made three big
mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN, the second mistake was called
WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. Now the reason
the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a
Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very
attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small
piquant canine type BODY. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a
regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to
kiss you? Oh okay.)
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the
regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the poodle,
didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the
olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the
MAN.
Guy In The Audience:
You're the best!
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting my
story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? Oh no
no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. Now listen:
The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true.
And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get
some pussy. And that's why the WO-MAN always had control over him.
In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I
tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things
around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of
zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you very much.)
And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he
got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a
dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that
money to the WO-MAN.
The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of Eden, went directly to the
hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted
tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job,
while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN
had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral
appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very
much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It
didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays.
And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little
uh, visual aid . . .
Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a
little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies.
Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call
Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his
mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM. Looking down into the dog's
eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the

Top Frank Zappa, Do You Like My New Car?

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)
You are... you gotta tell me something... I mean, seriously, I'm tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I have ever met anybody really from Hollywood... I mean, really... my girlfriend Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank... I mean, none of us...
Pleased to meet you...
Hi Howie
We never met a pop star from Hollywood... tell me something: have you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?
No.. no, I ..
I mean... David Cassady, he's so...
Jimmy Greenspoon, once I...
Three Dog Night?!!
Yeah...
Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band!.. ow gawd.. oh, do you like my new car? I'm ah.. my Dad just gave it to me for graduation..
Ah yeaah?!! I'ts a ... it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah.. I dig the fins... listen: do you know how to get to the ah Hollywood Inn from here?
No, ah.. which one is it?
(burp) excuse me. It's the one by the airport... you know... cause we gotta get up early an'.. fly outta here in the morning, y'know...
Oh, I didn't know that... Where do you guys play tomorrow night? I mean, I'd like to come maybe... in your bus or somethin'...
Yeah?..
(Voice in background):
In the BUS!
Come in the bus, huh?... Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see... Tierra del Fuego...
Ook! You're so professional, Howie!
Oh, it's not... it's nothing...
Howie, I mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp to play, an all these exotic places, I mean...
Yeah
Tell me something.. tell me and my girl-... TELL me: Do you really have a hit record... on the charts now?... with a BULLET? ... I mean that's really important to me...
Listen, honey: Would I lie to you just to get in your pants?
He-Het! Listen! Hey, listen to me tellin' ya: WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!
Naw, I never.. I never said...
We are not groupies! You better understand that!.. I told Robert Planet, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys...
Robert PLANET?!
We are not groupies!
No, I never..
Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!
Yaw.. it's obvious to see why... listen, I never...
(2nd non-groupie):
Howie..
(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! Tell him right now!
(2nd non-groupie):
We only like musicians for f-friends. You know?
(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, Howie, Really... just for friends, Howie...
(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you Yeah.. we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, but..
(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record...
Listen you chicks!now didn' .. didn't you just say that you got off bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS and spewed upon with cream corn? an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a YOO-HOO bottle or she went apeshit?!..
Ooooh..
What's the deal, baby? Come on..
Howie! Howie, lissen yo me... all that's true..
Come across..
All that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Doctor Brown's Cream Soda... or a CEL-RAY!... but! we are not groupies! No matter what you think...
No, I never...
We are not groupies..
You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication problem, honey... because I... I am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know an'... an' I want some ACTION... what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna... a-a-steaming... succulent... ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a... with... how shall I put this... what say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF...
Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy.... Jesus!...
(voice in back):
I'm in this band, man...
(voice up front):
Very agile, Howie, very agile...
(voice in back):
I am in this band no matter what we do up here... it's all...
Now lissen! It just so happend... tonight me and my girlfriends, I mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight...
Yeah?
Looking for a guy... And we're looking for a guy from a group
BUT HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK!
WAAAH!
AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!!
WAAAAAAAAH!... That's me!! That's me! ooh! ... oooohh, you voluptouns Manhattan Island clit.. Take me... I'm yours, you hole... Fulfill my... wildest... dreams!....
Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive... pop star of a man... picture this if you can: bead jobs! knotted nylons! bamboo canes! three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! Why, 'n enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't it stand anymore! All this and more, Howie! Including! an electric coolde pony harness, with fuel injection... fuel injection... fuel injection...
Oooh! my god, I ... I ... I can't stand it!... I mean... I mean, dou you understand the implications of what I'm saying? I CAN'T STAND IT!!! I CAN'T STAND IT !! I CAN'T STAND IT!! OH NO!!... Oh my god... I'm going home! I'm gonna see my baby... (etc) I really can't stand it... please... give it to me... give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin.. give me... GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE PICKLES SAUCE SHOVED UP BETWEEN A DONKEY'S ASS UNTIL HE CAN'T COME ANYMORE!...
Hey-hey! haha! Not until you sing me your big hit record!... and I want to hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an' I wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet!
The bullet?
The BULLET! The BULLET! I'ts the part that gets me the hottest... hehe!.. now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy...
Well, I know when I'm licked... all over.... Okay, baby: BEND OVER AND SPREAD 'EM!... Here comes my... BULLET!!

Top Frank Zappa, Cletus Awreetus awrightus

La la-da-la-la-la la-da-la la la-la
(La la la-la-la-la-la la la-la la-la-la la-la-la-la
La-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la la-la la-la-la)
Teeh tee-tee-tee-tee-teeh tee-tee-teeh yah-ho!
(Pom-pom pom-pom-po-po-pom pom
Po-po-po pom-pom bro-po-po-po-pom
A-rum-pa-pom-pom a-rum-pa-pom-pom
A-rum-pa-pom-pom)
La la la la la la la la la la la la rum-pam!
Rat-ta-da da-dah!

Top Frank Zappa, The Florida Airport Tape

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jeff Simmons (bass)
George Duke (keyboards)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Can I just ask somethin' to any...everybody here? Did anybody see me puke on stage?
The tour of the country?
Yeah, did you?
I puked on stage
It started in San Antonio
You puked on stage???
I did when I was right in the middle of singin' Easy Meat or somethin' and all of a sudden I started pukin' out of my mouth and I just put my hand over like that
You didn't get it on film?
Outa-site!
Gimme that in slow motion...
I thought you guys all cut that... I got really sick from ah... that jumpin' around each time... All that scotch and wine? Just weird, I only did it for about a second, you know it's just like a little sound-hooker I kinda shoved it back down my throat and went on stage
Right!
Yeah! That is strange man!
Ratzo rizzo!
He saved it because he might be hungry later

Top Frank Zappa, The Finale

They're gonna clear out the studio
They're gonna tear down all the . . .
They're gonna whip down all the . . .
They're gonna sweep out all the . . .
They're gonna pay off all the . . .
(Oh, yeah!)
And then . . .
And then . . .
And then . . .
And then . . .
Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
Talkin' 'bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers
Talkin' 'bout the light bulb men
Camera men
The make-up men
(The fake-up men)
Yeah, the rake-up men
(Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah . . .)
They're all gonna rise up
They're gonna jump up
I said jump up
Talkin' 'bout jump right up and off the floor
Jump right up and hit the door
They're all gonna rise up and jump off!
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
And once again
Take themselves
Seriously, yeeeah!
Two, three, four, seriously
They're all gonna go home (ye-hey!)
Through the driving sleet and rain
They're all gonna go home
Through the fog, through the dust
Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost
They're all gonna go home
And get out of it as they can be, baby
And the same goes for me
(The same goes for me)
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group in his own special way
Is gonna get out of it as he can be
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
And I am definitely gonna get . . .
REAMED
'Cause I'm such a lonely
I'm such a lonely
A lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy!
Oh, and I know tonight, I am definitely . . .
I am positively . . .
I just have to get . . .
BENT, REAMED AND WASTED
JCB: A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey!
Howard: He's making me do this, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for him. You noticed, all through this material, I've been glancing over toward my left? Well, I'll tell you the reason for that, ladies and gentlemen. HE is over there. HE is over on the left. HE is the guy that is making me do all this shit. Right over there. Now all through this movie, every time we've been on stage, I've had to look over in that direction, right? You saw it . . . you know. Well that's 'cause HE's over there. I've got to watch him for signs. He jumps up and down like a jackass. I can't even believe the guy sometimes. But we gotta watch him. 'After all,' we said, 'it's Frank's movie.' Now, we're THE MOTHERS, but it's still Frank's movie. Let's say it, he got to paid for it, he rented the studio, had all these cheesy sets built . . . it's so moche! I can't even stand it . . . He's telling everybody, right now, right over there, to . . .

Top Frank Zappa, What's New In Baltimore?

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai(stunt guitar)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Tommy Mars(keyboards, vocals)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Ed Mann(percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
Rockin' Robin.
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
Hot Rod's Lips.
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
What's new in Baltimore?
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
I don't know!
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
Better go back and find out.
What's new in Baltimore?
What's new in Baltimore?

Top Frank Zappa, The Dressing Room

Big John Mazmanian!
Gas Rhonda!
Funny Car!
Sunday!
FZ: Thank you
Aynsley: You're welcome
Howard: Hey, listen!
Mark: My throat . . .
Howard: Send me twelve eight by ten glossies in Monday's mail
?: Fifty bucks a piece
Howard: Fifty bucks a piece? Cheap at twice the price. Call my service
?: Right
Howard: Thanks a lot man, would really . . . A funny door!

Top Frank Zappa, The Dick Kunc Story

Dick:
I started out in Florida, uh producing a record at a studio, and I got friendly with the engineer, and got interested in engineering. Next thing I knew, I was listening to an album called 'Freak Out!' by the Mothers Of Invention. I became very interested in their concept of music, their concept of, of uh, society in general, and their concept of humor, which I thought was very good, and uh enjoyed, because uh, they were saying a lot- whole lotta bunch of stuff that I wanted to say and I agreed with and thought was true. Then one day I decided, 'I'll move to New York' because the air is clean, and the people are friendly, and everybody's in love. So I went to New York, and I got this job at this incredible twelve track studio. Well, I didn't know from twelve track, I thought four track was really hot stuff. So I went in there and they said, 'here's the board. Learn it.' He go, 'Your first client's coming in in five minutes.' Well, my first client was Frank Zappa,

Top Frank Zappa, Whippin' Post (in album Does Humor Belong In Music

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Dweezil Zappa (guitar)
I been run down
Lord, an' I been lied to
An' I don't know why
I let that mean woman make out a fool
Well, she took all my money
An' wrecked my new car
Now she's with one of my good-time buddies,
Drinkin' in some cross-town bar
Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, well, to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
My friends tell me
Lord, that I been such a fool
But I have to stand back an' take it, baby
All for loving you
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you done
Nothin' seems to change;
That bad times stay the same,
And I can't run
Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, well, to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Ah! Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord
Yeah, Lord
Lord I been tied down
Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, oh Lord, to the whippin' post
Yeah, tied to the whippin' post
Well, I'm tied to the whippin' post
Yeah, Lord
Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord
You know, sometimes I really do believe
Well I believe
I said I believe
I said I do believe
I said I really do believe
Well, I must say it one more time,
I believe
There just ain't no such thing
As dyin'

Top Frank Zappa, The Chrome Plated Megaphone Of Destiny

A-ha-hah!
Bwah-ha-ha!
(Cough! Cough!)
Ha ha ha ha!
Nyah-ha-ha!
Ha ha ha . . . ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .
Nyah-ha-ha-ha!
Oh . . . Arbitrary!
Nyah-ha-ha-ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
AH HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA
Arbitrary!
HA HA
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Bwah ha ha . . . (Cough!)
Mmph ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha (cough! cough!)
AH HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA
Arbitrary!
HA HA
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Top Frank Zappa, The Blackouts

Wayne Lyles (vocals)
Terry Wimberly (piano)
Elwood jr. Madeo (guitar)
Frank Zappa (drums)
So, uh, I'd just like to tell you about a little incident at Shrine Auditorium. Um, well, see we made this scene down there, we walked in, and this..this place is big, y'know, real big, y'know? An' everybody was gonna be there. Louis Armstrong and his boys were gonna be there, (Titans) an' the Titans, (Velvetones too) and the Velvetones, and the Blackouts, so let me tell you about this scene... (we made the scene, that is obvious) ????? The Velvetones think they're Lawrence Welk.

Top Frank Zappa, Tinsel-Town Rebellion

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
From Madam Wong's to Starwood
To the Whiskey on the Strip
You can hear the crashing, blasting strum
Of bands that come to be real hip
And get a record contract
From a talent scout some day
They'll sell their ass, their cocks and balls
They'll take the check 'n' walk away
If they're lucky they'll get famous
For a week or two perhaps
They'll buy some ugly clothes to wear
And hope the business don't collapse
Before some stupid magazine
Decides they're really good
They're a Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
From downtown Hollywood
Tinsel Town Rebellion, Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
It's a little bitty Tinsel Town Rebellion
A Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
They used to play all kinds of stuff
And some of it was nice
Some of it was musical
But then they took some guy's advice
To get a record deal, he said,
They would have to be more punk
Forget their chops and play real dumb
Or else they would be sunk
So off they go to S.I.R. to learn some stupid riffs
Oh no! No no no no no no no no! Cause the aces are good
And when they think they've got it
They launch a new career
Who gives a fuck if what they play
Is somewhat insincere
Let's dance the blues again
Everybody!
Dance the blues again
Come on and
Dance the blues again
Get down from the...
I write the songs that make the young girls cry!
Did you know that in Tinsel Town the people down there
Think that substance is a bore
And if your New Wave group looks good
They'll hurry on back for more
Of leather groups
I do I!
We'll rock you like a nincompoop!
and plastic groups
Rubber goods!
And groups that look real queer
I'll tumble for ya!
(He'll tumble for ya!)
I'll tumble for ya!
I'll tumble for ya very much!
Moo moo moo moo moo
(Home town sausage tambourine)
Moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo moo-wah!
The Tinsel Town aficionados
Come to see and not to hear
But then again this system works
As perfect as a dream
It works for all of those record company pricks
Let's see that record company prick again
It works for all of those record company pricks
Now do it when it hits the floor
It works for all of those record company pricks
Who come to skim the cream
From the cesspools of excitement
Where Jim Morrison once stood
It's that Tinsel Town Rebellion
From down down down
(down down down)
Town town town
(town town town)
Holly lolly lolly
(holly lolly lolly
Woody woody Pecker pecker
(Woody woody Pecker pecker)
Wood
Woody Pecker pecker!
Woody woody Pecker pecker!
Hi ho Woody!
Hi ho Pecker!

Top Frank Zappa, Hot-Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
I used to have a job
An' I was doin' fairly well
Depression came along
An' everybody start to yell
"Where'd they go, them good ol' days,
An' all that crap we used to sell?"
Now I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven,
at the Green Hotel
Republicans is fine,
If you're a multi-millionaire
Democrats is fair,
If all you own is what you wear
Neither of 'em's REALLY right,
'Cause neither of 'em CARE
'Bout that Hot-Plate Heaven,
'Cause they ain't been there
They really oughta go
'N find out how the hall-way smell --
They'd benefit to know
'Bout what the bums in there could tell
(I guess we're only dreamin',
But I s'pose it's just as well
That's ALL you get to dream
Up in the Green Hotel)
Nature didn't put me here,
An' neither did my fate --
It musta been some evil ol'
Republican candidate!
He's over there in Washington,
But I wish he was in HELL
'Cause I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven
At the Green Hotel
Things is slightly better now;
They hope we will forget
The misery of 'TRICKLE DOWN',
An' jelly-bean etiquette
The Regal Presidential Style
Has simply not worn well,
But neither has my rags,
Up in the Green Hotel
I said the Green Hotel
I mean the Green Hotel
Been there once
The Green Hotel
We're goin' again
The Green Hotel
Neither has my rags,
Up in the Green Hotel

Top Frank Zappa, Cops Buns

Patrolman Lefemine:
Now, we don't come up here because we feel like walkin' four flights at three o'clock in the morning.
Frank Zappa:
Yeah.
Patrolman Lefemine:
We were up here last night. (bark, bark) Now for us-
Frank Zappa:
Last night?
Patrolman Lefemine:
Yes.
Frank Zappa:
I wasnt here last night.
Patrolman Lefemine:
Now for us to continually come up to this here place every night and not show no action other than to say, yes theres a , we look kinda bad. I mean. lets be honest. Now if you had to give me any kinda reccomendation, or mark my word, a mistake, every night, 3-4, 2-4, betwen those hours you guys are at 53 E 10 st, what are you doin there every night? You mean you-you permit this kinda condition to continue on without once giving a summons?
Unknown:
Alright, your lawyer says to knock it off!
Patrolman Lefemine:
Uh, were puttin ourselves over backwards with these people. Do you know what were doin? Do you know what were doin?
Frank Zappa:
No, tell me. No, please tell me.
Patrolman Lefemine:
Well this is, if were up here once were up here twenty times. I know that little guy, like the guy at the...like a long-lost brother. Now if we ever get called down, if this ever goes to a big explosion, and they say, Officer, what did you do, did you ever issue summonses?, they get ... this is all in the rekkid book, how many times we been up here. This is all rekkids...
Frank Zappa:
m-hmm
Patrolman Lefemine:
Now if these people wanna subpeona these rekkids, they could subpeona these rekkids. An they could find out how many times we been.. this is us on- Wait! This is us alone! An they say, Officer, what did you do? Warn em? You mean to tell me you were up here about twenty times an you never issued a summons?
Unknown:
There have been summonses.
Patrolman Lefemine:
Well, WE never issued em! How many summonses have you gotten for noise? Unknown:
What, me personally, or the studio?
Patrolman Lefemine:
The studio, studio. Unknown:
I don't know how many, but theres a court case pending right now..
Unknown:
We've gotten one.
Patrolman Lefemine:
One! One! And how many times have I, eh, uh, hey listen! As I say, if I been up here once Ive been up here twenty times already.
Frank Zappa:
Hey look, stop it, pack that stuff up, stop making noise you guys!
Unknown:
Yeah, well, I understand
Patrolman Lefemine:
Well, whose in charge here at the studio?
Unknown:
here he is
In charge?
Patrolman Lefemine:
IN charge
He's more or less in charge
Patrolman Lefemine:
Are you in charge? I don't run the studio.. I jus..
Patrolman Lefemine:
Alright, listen, lemme tell you one thing
I'm in- I'm in charge
Patrolman Lefemine:
Youre in charge at this point
alright
Patrolman Lefemine:
My name is Patrolman Lefemine
Frank Zappa:
Here, have a BUN.
Patrolman Lefemine:
Now, as of tonight, right
Frank Zappa:
You wanna BUN?
Patrolman Lefemine:
If I come back here, and every night that I do come back here, I don't care who says he's in charge, I will issue a summons
Frank Zappa:
I'm issuing you a bun
Patrolman Lefemine:
An anybody thinks its a great joke, you can all laugh in the car... We havent put out one hit record yet? My goodness. It takes a long time. You know what I mean.
Patrolman Lefemine:
This is ridiculous!
Frank Zappa:
Are you sure you don't want one o those breakfast rolls on your way down the stairs?
You better believe that I don't want nuthin
Who gets-who gets the summons, is the the organization?
Patrolman Lefemine:
Whoever it is in charge at the time. He could say Joe Blow, I don't care what kind of a name he gives. Then if the courts decide if they wanna know who he's takin orders from, theyll summons that person to court. Thats all there is to it.
Alright. Take care.
Right.
Okay.
Frank Zappa:
Nighty-night!

Top Frank Zappa, Cradle Rock

While I was down in W.D.C.
Certain folks were not glad to see me
I just tried to get out the vote
But some little weasel must 'a dropped 'em a note
It said:
"Check out the politics
Practiced by this oaf
And if they ain't just right
Feed him Confinement Loaf."
They wanne be
Feedin' 'em
Feedin' 'em
Feedin' 'em
Feedin' 'em
Feedin' 'em
Feedin' 'em
Feedin' 'em
Feedin' 'em
LOAF...loaf
(3X)

Top Frank Zappa, Cold Light Generation

John: You know as well as I do that cold light generation depends on your state of health and energy
Spider: I'm gonna turn on a cold light
Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: No, not at all
Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: Not as often as I'd like to
Moon: I get it . . . It's weird . . . It's like . . .
Mike: Yo, I hear music!
Ali: Musik?
Mike: Music!
Ali: Musik? . . . draussen, gell?
Mike: There's a little party goin' on out here!
Ali: Ja, gell a party, da is irgendwo a Party!
Mike: A party in the piano . . .
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano
Mike: . . . yeah, P.P.
Ali: . . . Nah, ned im P.P.
Mike: Hey, P.P.
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano, im Piano is keine Party
Mike: Hey, listen . . . listen . . . listen, shhh!

Top Frank Zappa, Concentration Moon, Part One

Concentration Moon
(Over the camp in the valley)
Over the camp in the valley
(Concentration Moon)
(OH WHAT A)
Concentration Moon
(I wish I was back in the alley)
Wish I was back in the alley
With all of my friends,
Still running free:
(Running free!)
Hair growing out
Every hole in me
(That's right, you heard right:
Hair growing out
Every hole in me!)
AMERICAN WAY
How did it start?
Thousands of creeps
Killed in the park
AMERICAN WAY
Try and explain
Scab of a nation
Driven insane
Don't cry
Gotta go bye bye
SUDDENLY: DIE DIE
COP KILL A CREEP! pow pow pow
FZ: And speaking of creeps, here they are, ladies and gentlemen . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Planet Of My Dreams

Bob Harris (lead vocals)
Ray White (background vocals)
Ike Willis (background vocals)
Thana Harris (background vocals)
George Duke (piano)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
The planet of my dreams
The EARTH, my EARTH
Is bulging at the seams
The EARTH, my EARTH
It's full of many schemes
And as the sunlight beams
The glory of our sciences
And militant alliances
Reveal their BASIC WORTH
Along the mounds of dead appliances!
The planet of my dreams
The EARTH, my EARTH
I hear it's muffled screams
The EARTH, my EARTH
and though it often seems
From televison beams
That ignorance is rampant there
And Govermental Goons don't care
I know that I shall not despair
And CHEAT like ALL THE REST
I'll just keep on
With what I do the best!
Cheat-Cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead!
I CAN'T DO IT!
Cheat-Cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead!
I CAN'T DO IT!
Cheat-Cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead!
I CAN'T DO IT!
Cheat-Cheedly-cheat! Go Ahead!

Top Frank Zappa, Lonesome Cowboy Nando

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Mike Keneally (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Ed Mann (vibes, marimba, electronic percussion)
Walt Fowler (trumpet, flugel horn, synthesizer)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Paul Carman (alto saxophone, soprano saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Albert Wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt McGettrick (baritone saxophone, bass saxophone, contrabass clarinet)
Scott Thunes (electric bass, mini-moog)
Chad Wackerman (drums, electronic percussion)
Jimmy Carl Black (vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Frank:
My name is Nando,
I'm a marine biologist.
All my friends,
they call me "Doh".
Ike & Mike:
Hi, Doh!
Frank:
All my family,
from someplace in this area,
And they complain if I talk about this horrible pizza
during the show.
All:
Come out here, to Californy,
Just to find me some pretty girls.
Ones I seen gets me so horny,
Ruby lips, 'n teeth like pearls.
Wanna love 'em all, wanna love 'em dearly.
Wanna a jellyfish, I'll even pay.
I'll buy 'em furs, I'll buy 'em pizza,
I know they like me, here's what I'll say:
(1971:)
Jimmy Carl Black:
I'm lonesome cowboy Burt.
Speakin' atcha!
Won'tcha smell my fringe-y shirt?
Reekin' atcha!
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance
On this here waitress...
Mark & Howard:
He's lonesome cowboy Burt. A-Ha!
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt.
Jimmy:
Come on in this place
An' I'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?
Mark & Howard:
Burtram, Burtram redneck!
Burtram, Burtram redneck!
Jimmy:
I'm an awful nice guy.
Worked all day in the sun.
I'm a roofer by trade,
Quite a bundle I've made,
I'm a unionized roofin' old son-of-a-gun.
Mark & Howard:
He's a unionized roofin' old son of a gun!
(1988:)
Ike:
"Darling, I crazy go nuts when I hear this,
you know what I'm sayin'?"
Frank:
When I get off, I get plastered.
I swim till I fall on the jellyfish.
Then I find me some academic kind of illustrator,
I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing,
And tell him to draw it up
so it looks just like a brand new jellyfish.
Ike & Mike:
(trying to follow along, they sing some gibberish)
Frank:
"Take that! Take that!"
I fuss an' I cuss and I keep on swimmin',
Till my snorkel puffs up an' turns red.
I drool on my shorts,
I do some water sports,
Then I take the jellyfish back to my house
And stick it in the bed! "Sorta..."
Ike & Mike:
"Whaddya do?"
Stick it again in the bed!
Frank:
"That's right!
Ike & Mike:
Stick it again in the bed!
Stick it again in the bed!
Stick it again in the bed!
(1971:)
Jimmy:
Lonesome cowboy Burt.
Speakin' atcha!
Smell my fringe-y shirt.
Reekin' atcha!
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance
On this here waitress!
Mark & Howard:
He's lonesome cowboy Burt. Yee-ha!
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt!
Jimmy:
Come on in this place,
an' I'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?

Top Frank Zappa, The Orange County Lumber Truck

Top Frank Zappa, In France

In France
We're playin' in a test
It's payin' the rent
If you pooch a civilian,
It's a mayor event
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
The girls is all salty
The boys is all sweet
The food ain't too shabby,
An' they piss in the street
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
They got diseases
Like you never seen
Got a mystery blow-job
Turn your penis green
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
They got some coffee,
Eatin' right through the cup,
An' when they go ka-ka
They make you stand up
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
If you're not careful,
It'll stick to your cheeks
You'll smell like a native
For a couple of weeks
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
We cannot wait
Till we go back
It gets so exciting
When the poodles 'react'
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
Never try to get yo' penis sucked

Top Frank Zappa, Baby, Take Your Teeth Out

Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Bob Harris (background vocals)
Thana Harris (background vocals)
Ray White (background vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Baby take your teeth out
Try it one time
Baby take your teeth out
Try it one time
Leave 'em on the kitchen table
Baby take your teeth out
It'll be fine
Baby take your teeth out
It'll be fine
There ain't nothin' left to smile about
Baby take your teeth out
You look divine
Baby take your teeth out
You look divine
Go ahead and eat the label
Baby take your teeth out
I will recline
Baby take your teeth out
I will recline

Top Frank Zappa, Be In My Video

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Ike Willis (background vocals)
Ray White (background vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Bobby Martin (saxophone, falsetto)
Brad Cole (piano)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Be in my video,
Darling, every night
I will rent a cage for you
And mi-j-i-nits dressed in white
(teeny-little-tiny-little...)
Twirl around in a lap dissolve
Pretend to sing the words
I'll rent a gleaming limousine;
Release a flock of Ber-herna-herna-herna
Herna-her-nerds
Wear a leather collar
And a dagger in your ear
(Stabbin' and a-stabbin' and a-stabbin' and a-stabbin' at you-ou-ou-ou-ou)
I will make you smell the glove
And try to look sincere, then we'll
Dance the blues (Oh yes)
Let's dance the blues (We'll dance the blues)
Let's dance the blues (We'll dance them very much)
Under the megawatt moonlight
Pretend to be Chinese,
(One-hung-low)
I'll make you wear red shoes
There's a cheesy atom bomb explosion
All the big groups use
Atomic light will shine
Through an old venetian blind
Making patterens on your face,
Then it cuts to outer space
With its billions & billions &
Billions & billions and
Be in my video
Darling, every night
Everyone in cable-land
Will say you're 'outta-sight'
You can show your legs
While you're getting in the car, then
I will look repulsive
While I mangle my guitar
Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh
Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh
Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh
Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee,
Moo-ahhhh-wah-wah-wah!
After all the closeup shots of you
In bondage leather
They'll spray an alley with a hose
And we'll escape together
Then we'll dance the blues again (Oh yes, we'll dance the blues)
Let's dance the blues again (Sure we will)
Let's dance the blues again (We'll dance them blues)
In the middle of an alley
Let's dance your face (Let's dance your face)
Let's dance your lips (And dance your lips)
Let's dance your nose (We'll dance your nose)
And then we'll dance your sinus!

Top Frank Zappa, The Jimmy Carl Black Philosophy Lesson

Top Frank Zappa, Strictly Genteel

Theodore Bikel:
This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theater. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song.
It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie, it's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you, yeah . . . Understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world!
Lord, have mercy on the people in England
For the terrible food these people must eat
(Errrr . . . excuse me)
And may the Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie
And God bless the mind of the man in the street
Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen
Through the terrible functions they all must perform
God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos
And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm.
Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction
Phyllis Bryn-Julson:
A room and a meal
And a garbage disposal
A lawn and a hose'll
Be strictly genteel
Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book
The girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse
Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy
And the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course
Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction
A Swedish apparatus
With a hood and a bludgeon
With a microwave oven
'Honey, how do it feel?'
Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots
And the dykes and the weird little children they grow
Help the black man
Help the poor man
Help the milk man
Help the door man
Help the lonely, neglected old farts that I know
Theodore Bikel:
It's been swell havin' you with us tonight, folks!
Mark:
But, don't leave the theater yet, 'cause there's still more to come, but before we go on, I want to introduce to you my friend and musical associate, Howard Kaylan, who's going to give us all a final closing benediction

Top Frank Zappa, Fembot In A Wet T shirt

Act I
SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...
IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N'all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills…
confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
MARY: Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him... or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night...
BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?
MARY:
Ah, the bus...
BUDDY JONES:
Which one?
MARY:
You know...the last tour...
You know...
Leather
BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III...
why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And
Mary's the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who'll do anything...
MARY:
Anything...
BUDDY JONES:
I said anything... for fifty bucks
That's right!
MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed... that's right,you
heard right... our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances...
MARY: Here I am!
BUDDY JONES: ...
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
MARY:
EEEK!
BUDDY JONES:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you ...sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead... AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD...
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess...she's totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That's it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!
MARY:
Here I am!
BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little...
BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
MARY:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!
BUDDY JONES:
Ain't this what living is really all about!
Here's your fifty bucks, Mary...
MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.
MARY:
On the bus.

Top Frank Zappa, Penguin In Bondage

Top Frank Zappa, Pygmy Twylyte

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite
Out of his deep on a `fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight
Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete
Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney & he's `fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnite
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnite
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnite
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Or the downer midnite

Top Frank Zappa, Son Of Orange County

Top Frank Zappa, Village Of The Sun

Top Frank Zappa, Little Rubber Girl

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Denny Walley (vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Thank you, okay, sit down.
Some more raw unbridled perfurnery for you
and yours during this festive holiday season.
A year ago today was when you went away
But now you come back knocking on my door
And you say you're back to stay, but I say
I don't need you (I don't need you)
I don't want you (I don't want you)
I don't need you (Oh you treat me so bad baby)
I don't love you (Oh you treat me like a piece of shit)
I don't need you (Oh you know that's not it)
I don't want you
I can't use you (gotta get a little rubber girl)
Need a rubber girl (rubber girl)
Send me up a little rubber girl (y'know I can put it in the back)
I got a rubber girl (got one with a 69 dollar battery pack)
Here comes my rubber girl (my little rubber girl)
A little rubber girl (she loves to do anything I want)
Little rubber girl (my little rubber girl)
My little rubber girl (I pull the string and she can do anything)
I know she loves me (I can put it in the back)
I know she loves me (I can put it in the front crack)
I know she loves me (I can push her tonsils down her throat)
I know she loves me (and make that bitch scream like a goat)
I never have no trouble with my rubber girl (I like to bend her over and ram it all the way in)
I never have no trouble with my rubber girl (and then go back and do it again)
I never have no trouble with my litle rubber girl (y'know you treated me like shit)
I never have no trouble with my little rubber girl (Ahh, that's why I never find me a lady)
I love my little rubber girl (little rubber girl)
I never have no trouble with my little rubber girl (she's a lonely girl)
I never have no trouble with my rubber girl (I just pull the string and she pumps up fast)
And she dances great! (She likes to put it in the back, I gotta girl)
Little rubber girl (You know I fuck you every day)
Run-nnn-nn-nnn (and you treat me like shit)
Run-nnn-nn-nnn (fuck you bitch I'm gonna rape)
Run-nnn-nn-nnn (my little rubber girl)
Run-nnn-nn-nnn (Little rubber girl)
Little rubber girl (oh my little rubber girl)
Little rubber girl (oh my little rubber girl)
Little rubber girl (hey my little rubber girl)
(Is this the right time to put you in heaven baby)
You know, me and my rubber girl
We get along really swell, we never argue.

Top Frank Zappa, Little Girl Of Mine

Diddelidid, Diddelidid
Diddelidid, Diddelidid
Oh little girl of mine
Gee, but you sure look fine
Yes you appeal to me
I'll never set you free
Cause you mine loving baby
You belong to me
Thats the way it was meant to be
Oh little girl stay cool
Thats all I ask of you
Be mine and mine alone
Call me on the telephone
Cause you're mine loving baby
You belong to me
That's the way it was meant to be
Oh baby now I know
I love you so
I never -Ill never let you go
I need your love oh so much
I feel to your touch
Oh little girl stay cool
Thats all I ask of you
Call me on the telephone
Be mine lovin baby till the end of time
I can't seem to get you off my mind
Oh baby . . . Oh sugar.. Oh darling . . .

Top Frank Zappa, I Have Been In You

Top Frank Zappa, Drowning Witch

Top Frank Zappa, No, No Cherry

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Well I found out baby
You told me a great big lie
Well I found out baby
You told me a great big lie
Cause when I got inside
You didn't have no cherry pie
Well you had no no cherry
No no cherry (x7)
You had no no cherry
No no cherry pie
Shoob-doo-wa
Shoob shoob doo wah
Well you had me fakin baby
Made me lose my pride
Well you had me fakin baby
Made me lose my pride
Cause I caught you lying bout what you had inside
And you had no no cherry
No no cherry (x7)
You had no no cherry
No no cherry pie
Shoob-doo-wa
Shoob shoob doo wah
No no (5x)
Cherry
Cherry

Top Frank Zappa, My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (in album You Ca

You know your mama and your daddy
Sayin I'm no good for you
They call me dirty from the alley
Til I don't know what to do
I get so tired of sneakin around
Just to get to your back door
I crawled past the garbage
And your mama jumps out screamin'
Dont come back no more!
I cant take it
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when it makes me mad
Later I tried to call you
Your mama told me you werent there
(You just weren't there)
She told me don't bother to call again
Unless I cut off all my hair
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawled past the garbage
And your mama jumped out screamin'
Dont come back no more!
I cant take it
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when it makes me mad
(repeat last three verses)

Top Frank Zappa, Montana

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else . . . but then, on the other hand Iwould
Keep the wax
N' melt it down
Pluck some Floss
N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon . . .
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big,
An' ride him all along the border line
With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my foot a push . . .
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over the Dennil Floss Bush
N' then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

Top Frank Zappa, Mary-Lou

Frank Zappa (lead vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Im gonna tell you a story about Mary Lou
I mean the kind of a girl who make a fool of you
Shed make a young man groan and a poor man pain
The way she took my money was a cryin shame
Mary Lou - she took my watch and chain
Mary Lou - she took my diamond ring
Mary Lou - she took my Cadillac car
Jumped in my kitty and then drove afar
Well, she picked up from Georgia, moved to Kalamazoo
Made her a fortune outa fools like you
Met her a rich man who was married and had two kids
She stoked that cat till he flipped his lid
Mary Lou - she took my watch and chain
Mary Lou - she took my diamond ring
Mary Lou - she took my Cadillac car
Jumped in my kitty and then drove afar
Well, she came back to town about a week ago
Told me she was sorry she had hurt me so
I had a 55 Ford and a two dollar bill
The way she took that man she gave me a chill
Mary Lou - she took my watch and chain
Mary Lou - she took my diamond ring
Mary Lou - she took my Cadillac car
Jumped in my kitty and then drove afar
Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou )
And (?) too (big fool, big fool)
Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou)
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
You did everything for him that you could do
Mary Lou, Mary Lou (3x)

Top Frank Zappa, Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Mike Keneally (guitar, synthesizer)
Bobby Martin (keyboards)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Walt Fowler (trumpet, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Paul Carman (alto saxophone)
Albert Wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt McGettrick (baritone saxophone)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Awright, welcome, and good evening to the baseball game. Im Skip Carey, and with Keith Van Weiren (?) For another game between the Atlanta Braves and the Chicago Cubs. The braves are featuring another outstanding cast. (Arf!) We got a wonderful cast of characters here. Hes a home run interim RBA leader for the year, what do you think?
Well uh, I don't know what the problem is with these Braves this year theyve really been having trouble with one run games, on Sundays for some reason I don't know what it is, what do you think.
Well Pete eh . . . the Dodgers had that problem last year, lot of one run games specially on Sundays, well they suddenly ended up uhhhh.... last in the league. Uhhhh.... Coming over here, Zane Smith is pitchin today and I hear hes got good stuff.
Well actually I think the main problem is eh the rookies, the rookies have just not be coming through. They havent been able to handle that curve ball. Seems to me like they really don't go over that.
Oh here he goes, smash foul. He doesnt look to the plate. (That goes for your little dog, too!)
He really gets a hold of that one, its gone.
Yes, Elvis has left the building!
(An that goes for your little dog, too! An that goes for your little dog, too!)
Move away for the seventh inning stretch after theeeeee... game
They're singing.
He swung on it and missed
Smash foul
Fans getting out of here in a hurry.
The player steps out to the plate.
(Arf!)
Take me out to the game.
Uh, you can buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks.
I don't care if he never gets back.

Top Frank Zappa, Stick Together

Top Frank Zappa, Cheepnis

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Jeff Simmons (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Don Preston (synthesizer)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Walt Fowler (trumpet)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (tenor saxophone, flute, lead vocals)
Ralph Humphrey (drums)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Debbie (background vocals)
Lynn (background vocals)
Robert Camarena (background vocals)
Cheepnis.
Let me tell you something, do you like monster movies?
Anybody?
(YEAH!)
I love monster movies, I simply adore monster movies, And the cheaper they are, the better they are. And cheepnis in the case of a monster movie has nothing to do with the budget of the film, although it helps. But true cheepnis is exemplified by visible nylon strings attached to the jaw of a giant spider. I'll tell you, a good one that I saw one time, I think the name of the film was "It conquered the world" (YEAH!) And the... Did you ever see that one? The monster looks sort of like an inverted ice-cream corn with teeth around the bottom. It looks like a, like a teepee or a sort of a rounded off pup-tent affair. And ah, it's got fangs on the base of it, I don't know why but it's a very threatening sight. And then he's got a frown and, you know, ugly mouth and everything, And there's this one scene where the ah monster is coming out of a cave. See? There's always a scene where they come out of a cave, at least once. And the rest of the cast...it musta been made around the 1950's. The lapels are about like th
at wide, The ties are about that wide and about this short, And they always have a little revolver that they're gonna shoot the monster with. And there is always a girl who falls down and twists her ankle. Hey hey! Of course there is! You know how they are, the weaker sex and everything, Twisting their ankle on behalf of a little ice-cream corn. Well in this particular scene, In this scene folks, they ah, they didn't wanna re-take it 'cause it musta been so good they wanted to keep it, but they... When the monster came out of the cave, just over on the left hand side of the screen you can see about this much two-by-four attached to the bottom of the Thing as the guy is pushing it out, And then obviously off-camera somebody's goin': "No! Get it back!" ...and they drag it back just a little bit as the guy is goin': "KCH! KCH!" Now that's cheepnis.
Right. And this is cheepnis here: One two three four...
I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood
(repeat)
Little Miss Muffett on a squat by me
Took a turn around, I said: Can y'all see?
The little strings on the Giant Spider?"
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
(And the flaps on the side of the moon)
The jelly & paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples & the wrinkles in the cardboard rock
And the canvas of the cave is too soft
The suits & the hats & the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind
And the monster just ate Japan
Ladies and gentlemen,
The monster,
Which the peasants in this area call FRUNOBULAX
(Apparently a very large poodle dog)
Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant
Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
We may have to use NUCLEAR FORCE!
HERE COMES THAT POODLE DOG!
BIG AS A BLIMP WITH A RHINESTONE COLLAR
SNAPPIN' OFF THE TREES
LIKE THEY WAS BONSAI'D ORNAMENTS ON A
DRY-WOBBLE LANDSCAPE
KEEP IT AWAY! DON'T LET THE POODLE BITE ME!
WE CAN'T LET IT REPRODUCE! OH!
SOMEBODY GET OUT THE PANTS!
The National Guard has formed up at the base
of the mountain
And is attempting to lure the enormous poodle
towards the cave
Where they hope to destroy it with napalm
A thousand of the troopers are now lined up
and are calling to the monster...
Here Fido
Here Fido
Here Fido
GOT A GREAT BIG SLIMEY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HEAVY THING
GOT A GREAT BIG POODLE THING
GOT A GREAT BIG HAIRY THING
(repeat)
C'mon! Everybody! Let's go!
Get the distilled water! Get the canned goods!
Get the toilet paper! You know we need it!
GO TO DA SHELTER
MY BABY, MY BABY,
GO TO DA SHELTER
GO TO DA SHELTER
(repeat)
Little Miss Muffett on a squat by me,
Can ya see the little string danglin' down
Makes the legs go wabble an' the mouth flop shut
An' the HORRIBLE EYE, HORRIBLE EYE, HORRIBLE EYE
Go rollin' around
Can y'see it all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry `cause that's
all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry `cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry `cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please

Top Frank Zappa, More Trouble Every Day

Top Frank Zappa, Find Her Finer

Top Frank Zappa, Black Napkins

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Top Frank Zappa, The Torture Never Stops

Terry Bozzio (drums, background vocals)
Davey Moire (vocals)
Andre Lewis (organ, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (synthesizer, marimba)
Donnie Vliet (harmonica)
Louanne Neil (harp)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Sharkie Barker (background vocals)
Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair
A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away
Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day;
An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops
The torture never stops
Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor
Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door
Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain
An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop where the blood goes down the drain;
An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops.
Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there
He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first
The loin's 'n the groin's is soon dispersed
His carvin' style is well rehearsed
He stands and shouts
All men be cursed
All men be cursed
All men be cursed
All men be cursed
And disagree, well no-one durst
He's the best of course of all the worst
Some wrong been done, he done it first
(Well, well) An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin'
(Yeah) 'N weepin' greenish drops,
(Well) In the night of the iron sausage,
(Well) Where the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops.
Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair
Who are all those people that he's locked away up there
Are they crazy?,
Are they sainted?
Are they zeros someone painted?,
It has never been explained since at first it was created
But a dungeon like a sin
Requires naught but lockin' in
Of everything that's ever been
Look at hers
Look at him
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in

Top Frank Zappa, Ms. Pinky

Top Frank Zappa, Wonderful Wino

Top Frank Zappa, Wind Up Workin' In The Gas Station

Top Frank Zappa, I'm So Cute

Top Frank Zappa, Broadway the Hard Way

Top Frank Zappa, Titties & Beer

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Eddie Jobson (keyboards, violin, vocals)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion, synthesizer)
Don Pardo (vocals)
David Samuels (vibes)
Randy Brecker (trumpet)
Mike Brecker (tenor saxophone, flute)
Lou Marini (alto saxophone, flute)
Ronnie Cuber (baritone saxophone, clarinet)
Tom Malone (trombone, trumpet, piccolo)
John Bergamo (percussion over-dub)
Ed Mann (percussion over-dub)
Louanne Neil (osmotic harp over-dub)
It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me
I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me...
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, Mystery
I noticed even the crickets
Was actin' weird up here
And So I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on..."
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone...
"Where's those titties that I like so well
'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil...he's about this big...
He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofabitch!"
'Cause I was mad at him,
Well he just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: BANG BANG BANG
Then the sucker just laughed 'n said, "Put it away...
You know, I ate her all up...now what you
gonna say?"
YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? "Titties 'n all!"
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN, BOY? "Were the cans
this tall?"
EVEN HER BOOTS? "Would I lie to you?"
SHIT, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! "Yes, this is true."
WELL DON'T THEY PAY YOU GOOD FOR THE
STUFF THAT YOU DO?
"Well, you know, I can't complain when the checks come through..."
WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY, 'N I WANT MY BEER
SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL,
DO YOU HEAR?
"Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil,
Do you understand? Just what will you give me
for your
Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little
contract here..." YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE,
"Don't call me that"
THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON
...GIMME THAT PAPER...BET YER ASS I'll SIGN...
'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S TITTY-SQUEEZIN' TIME
"Man, You can't fool me...you ain't that bad...
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had...
Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too...
'n both of those suckers was worse 'n you..."
WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE
I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL, SO WHATCHA GONNA DO?
(improvised dialog)
"Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you say...
that you want to make a deal with me..."
"That's very, very true
I'm only interested in two things
"Yeah?"
See if you can guess what they are"
"I would think...uh...let's see, maybe Stravinsky..."
"I'll give you two clues. Let go of your pickle"
"What?"
"Let go of your pickle!"
"I'm not holding my pickle"
"Well, who's holding your pickle then?"
"I don't know...she's out in the audience...
Hey Dale, would you like to come up here and hold
my pickle to satisfy this weird man out on the stage?"
"I'm only interested in two things, and that's
titties and beer
you know what I mean?
"What?"
titties and beer
titties and beer
titties and beer
titties and beer
titties and beer
titties and beer
titties and beer!"
titties and beer!"
"I don't know if you're the right guy?"
titties and beer!"
titties and beer!"
"No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think...
I mean hold on a second boy, 'cause that's magic ink!"
And then the devil let go of his pickle
and out come my girl, there was her titties
flop-floppin'...all around the world
She said "I got me three beers and a fistful of downs
and I'm gonna get ripped, so fuck, you clowns!"
Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff
That's when the devil, he farted
and she went right over the cliff!
The devil was mad, I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

Top Frank Zappa, The Illinois Enema Bandit

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Eddie Jobson (keyboards, violin, vocals)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion, synthesizer)
Don Pardo (vocals)
David Samuels (vibes)
Randy Brecker (trumpet)
Mike Brecker (tenor saxophone, flute)
Lou Marini (alto saxophone, flute)
Ronnie Cuber (baritone saxophone, clarinet)
Tom Malone (trombone, trumpet, piccolo)
John Bergamo (percussion over-dub)
Ed Mann (percussion over-dub)
Louanne Neil (osmotic harp over-dub)
And now folks it's time for Don Pardo To deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement Take it away, Don
"This is a true story
About a famous criminal
From right around Chicago
This is the story of Michael Kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment
For the crime of armed robbery
It so happened, that at the time of the robbery
Michael, decided to give his female victims
A little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael Kenyon
THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT!"
The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women...
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois...he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy...
HOT SOAP WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And then the bandit might say, "Why is everybody looking' at me?"
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S
YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"
ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?
The Bandit say, "It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
etc. repeat
Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema
Enema

Top Frank Zappa, Stink-Foot (Live)

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the watah
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the morning
By your radio
Do the walls close in to suffocate, yah
You ain't got no friends
And all the others they hate, yah
Does the life you been leading gotta go? (HMMmm?)
(Well let me straighten you out)
About a place I know
(Get your shoes and socks on people, it's right around the corner)
Out through the night and the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases
Out through the night and the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases
(This has got to be the disease for you
Now scientists call this disease, Brohm-a-drosis
But us regular folks, who might wear tennis shoes
or an occasional python boot,
know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
STINK-FOOT)
You know
My python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by
And now it's July
I finally got it off
And my girlfriend cried, YOU GOT STINK-FOOT!
Stink-foot, darlin'
Your Stink-foot
Puts a hurt on my nose
Stink-foot, stink-foot, I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, do you suppose?
(Here Fido, Fido, mpt, mpt, mpt, come here little puppy
Bring the slippers
Arf, arf, arf
(C-R-A-S-H)
Huhm, HAH, HAH, HAH... hmhmhm)
STINK!
(Well then Fido got up off the floor, and he rolled over
and he looked me straight in the eye
And you know what he said?
"Once upon a time, somebody say to me"
This is the dog talkin' now
"What is your, conceptual, continuity?"
"Well I told 'em right then", Fido said
"It should be easy to see
"The crux of the biscuit
is the apostrophe"
Well you know, the man that was talking to the dog
looked at the dog, and he said
Sort of staring in disbelief
"You can't say that"
he said
"It doesn't, and you can't, I won't, and it don't
it hasn't, it isn't, it even ain't, and it shouldn't
it couldn't"
He told him, "No, no, no"
I told him, "Yes, yes, yes"
I said, "I do it all the time
Ain't this boogie a mess"?)

Top Frank Zappa, G spot Tornado

Instrumental

Top Frank Zappa, Beat the Boots: Saarbrücken 1978

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n' I'm
actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n' maybe later I'll rape her
Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm gonna get a good job 'n' be real rich
get a good
get a good
get a good
get a good job
Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say "when"
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady...I don't know which
I wonder wonder
wonder wonder
So I went out 'n' bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n' a friend
Sorta drifted along into S&M;
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower
Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin down, etc.

Top Frank Zappa, Over-Nite Sensation

She had that
Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head,
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red
She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo
She said she was
A Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know
She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(I couldn't come in right then . . . )
And so she wandered
Trough the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets
She stripped away
Her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more
She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(actually, I was very busy then)
And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets
She said she was
A Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know
(Is that a real poncho . . . I mean
Is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
Hmmm . . . no foolin' . . . )

Top Frank Zappa, The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life

Three hundred years ago
I thought I might get some sleep
I stretched myself out onna antique bed
An' my spirit did a midnite creep
You know I'll never sleep no more
It seem to me that it just ain't wise
Didja ever wake up in the mornin'
With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes
Just about as evil as you could be
I am the ZOMBY WOOF
I'm that creature all the ladies been
Talkin' about
I am the ZOMBY WOOF
They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out
Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF
Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is . . .
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
They said aw-reety
An' they was aw-righty
An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady . . .
I got a great big pointed fang
Which is my Zomby Toof
My right foot's bigger than my other one is
Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof
If I raid your dormitorium
Don't try to remain aloof . . .
I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid
An' do it to you on the roof, don't mess with the
ZOMBY WOOF
I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!
Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF
Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Top Frank Zappa, Ship Ahoy

[Guitar solo from Zoot Allures
Kosei Nenkin Kaikan, Osaka, Japan
February 3, 1976
FZ lead guitar
Andre Lewis keyboards
Roy Estrada bass
Terry Bozzio drums
Patrick O'Hearn voice
Davey Moire voice?]
Moire?: Ee-el-eel-el-el-ell . . .
O'Hearn: Oh, Ship Ahoy

Top Frank Zappa, Catholic Girls

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
A festive cyo party with crepe paper streamers, contestants for the broom dance, the "hokey pokey," baked goods, & father riley making sure the lights don't go down too low...
Father riley and various party goers:
Catholic girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
In the rectory basement
Father riley's a fairy
But it don't bother mary
Catholic girls
At the cyo
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?
Joe:
All the way
That's the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-hip-hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a catholic girl
At the cyo
When they learn to blow...
Father riley:
They're learning to blow
All the catholic boys!
Mary:
Warren cuccurullo...
Father riley:
Catholic boys!
Mary:
Kinda young, kinda wow!
Father riley:
Catholic boys!
Mary:
Vinnie colaiuta...
Chorus:
Where are they now?
Did they all take the vow?
Father riley:
Catholic girls
Warren:
Carmenita scarfone!
Father riley:
Catholic girls
Officer butzis:
Hey! she gave me vd!
Father riley:
Catholic girls!
Warren:
Toni carbone!
Chorus:
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go wow!
Joe:
Vd vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a catholic girl
With her hand in the box
When she's on her knees
Larry:
She was on her knees,
My little catholic girl
Chorus:
In a little white dress
Catholic girls
They never confess
Catholic girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
(etc.)
Central scrutinizer:
This is the central scrutinizer...
Joe had a girl friend named mary.
She used to go the church club every week.
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think pure thoughts
But one night at the social club meeting
Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at the armory
In order to get a pass

Top Frank Zappa, The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (in album Thing-Fis

Top Frank Zappa, Thing-Fish

Top Frank Zappa, Zappa In New York

Terry Bozzio (drums)
Roy Estrada (vocals, bass)
Adrian Belew (guitar)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Alright!
What's this?
Thank you! What? OK!
Thank you! Wait a minute!
Ah...take these...
OK!
In today's rapidly changing world
Rock groups appear every fifteen minutes,
Utilising some new promotional device.
Some of these devices have been known
To leave irreparable scars
On the minds of foolish young consumers.
One such case is seated before you:
Little skinny Terry 'Ted' Bozzio,
That cute little drummer!
That's right!
Terry recently fell in love
With a publicity-photo of a boy named Punky Meadows...
(Oh Punky!)...
Lead guitar player from a group called Angel.
In the photograph,
Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo
In a semi-profile which emphasized the pootched out succulence
Of his insolent pouting rictus,
The sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!
I can't stand the way he pouts
'Cause he might not be pouting for me!
Punky Meadows, pouting for you?
Ha! You bet sailor!
You mean,
You mean he's not...he's not pouting...
He's not pouting for me?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'Til I squirm with ecstasy
Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on!
Oh Punky, isn't it romantic?
Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on...I promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the shits!
It's all wrong!
I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
PAY to see!
Punky's lips, Punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips!
I love his teeth and his gums and such!
Punky
(What is it? You come home!)
You're an Angel!
You're too much
(Oh God!)
The boys of my thoughts in my lonely teenage room!
He's been havin' a rash
(No shit!)
That keeps the girls away
(It's true)
Skin doom
(Skin doom)
Is what the doctors say
And that makes me wonder
I wonder what Punky is rehearsing today
I'll just go over, and hear him play
His hair is so pretty...I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
BUT I AIN'T QUEER
I AIN'T GAY
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
A wrist array-ee-ay
(That's all that is, I swear!)
Punky's lips, Punky's lips!
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY!
YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER!
YANK IT ALL NITE LONG!
COME ON PUNKY!
GET FUNKY!
I AIN'T QUEER
No no no no!
I AIN'T GAY
No no no no!
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
Wrist array-ee-ay
And then he told me now:
I AIN'T QUEER!
(Hey!)
I AIN'T GAY!
(Hey! Hey!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
I-I, Lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-I, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on Punky!
Give me your lips!
Ride on my Venus-trip!
Patrick O'Hearn,
Adrian Belew,
Tommy Mars,
Terry Bozzio,
Peter Wolf,
Ed Mann.
Thanks for comin' to the show!

Top Frank Zappa, Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station

This here song might offend you some.
If it does, it's because you're dumb.
That's the way it is where I come from.
If you been there too, let me see your thumb.
Let me see your thumb. (16x)
Show me your thumb if your really dumb.
Show me your thumb if your really dumb.
Show me your thumb if your really dumb.
Show me your thumb if your dumb.
Hey now, better make a decision.
Be a moron, and keep your position.
You oughta know now, all your education,
won't help you no-how.
You're gonna wind up workin' in a gas station.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Pumpin' the gas every night.
Pumpin' the gas every night.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Pumpin' the gas every night.
Pumpin' the gas every night.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Many da camper wants to by some white.
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Many da camper wants to by some white.
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Many da camper wants to by some white.
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Many da camper wants to by some white.
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.
Wind up workin' in a gas station.

Top Frank Zappa, The Duke Of Prunes

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
A moon beam through the prune In June
Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck
The cheese I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
A moon beam through the prune In June
Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck
The love I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
Prune! (pa-da-dah!)
If it is a real prune Knows no cheese
(cheeky chanky, cheeky chanky)
And stands (Oh no!)
Taller or softer than any tree (or bush)
And I know The love I have for you
Will grow and grow And grow, I think
And so my love I offer you

Top Frank Zappa, Excentrifugal Forz

Top Frank Zappa, Son Of Mr. Green Genes

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo
Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
Your bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck & driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS

Top Frank Zappa, Semi-fraudulent-direct-from-hollywood Overture

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen!
Chorus:
200 motels
Theodor Bikel:
200 motels.. Life on the road.
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen! and here he is..
Who?
Larry the dwarf.
Larry likes to dress up funny. Tonight he's dressed up like Frank Zappa.

Top Frank Zappa, How Could I Be Such A Fool (in album Cruising With

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
When I won your love, I was very glad
Every happiness in the world belonged to me
Then our love was lost and you went away
Now I shed my tears in lonely misery
I know now that you never ever really loved me
It hurts me now to think you never ever really cared
I sit and I ask myself a thousand times to try and find
What really happened to the love that we shared
How could I be such a fool
How could I believe all those lies you told me
How could I be taken in by your sweet face
You spoiled out love, your ruined my life
I'm so tore down, I'm a terrible disgrace
But there will come a time and you'll regret the way
You treated me as if I was a fool and didn't know
The many times you lied about your love for me
Someone else is going to know that your love is just a show
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool

Top Frank Zappa, The Idiot Bastard Son

Top Frank Zappa, Diptheria Blues

[Tully Gymnasium, Florida State University
October 9, 1970]
Back
[...]
a hundred years ago
There wasn't anyway you can go down here in Florida
Mississippi
[...]
Any of
[...]
things
Then you got your home
[...]
And you got your own things
And you got your soul brothers
Hundred years ago
[...]
Would never
[...]
it was
[...]
[...]
[...]
background, ladies and gentlemen
[...]
brownie diphtheria harmonica blues
[...]
Asthma Mark
And the Funk Brothers
Good God! Good God!
[...]
What is this? I can't stand it
I can't really
[...]
a heartbreak
You just warm me up
Take it to my pocket please
Take it to my hometown
Take it to my strawhat
Take it in my blue
[...]
They send me down by the scarecrow
And they say
Hey, boy
You better picking bluebirds all day long
It's about time you really got it on
And I know you brothers got rhythm and you got soul
Somebody you play some, I mean
We gotta have one on every block
Just to show how cool we are
I'm staying
[...]
and all of this
What's that rag you're listening here
Would be
[Joe Brown and the Twistmen]
, boy
Would take your women back to their shed
We're gonna use you to make me feel, boy
Then we're gonna sit down and
[...]
on you
[...]
Fine
[...]
Asthma Mark
They used to say, play that thing there for more
Play the harmonica, boy
Play that thing
Asthma Mark goes free, yeah!
[...]
what? Asthma Mark goes free, yeah! Free yeah! Free yeah! Carlos Santana, ladies and gentlemen! Good God! Don't break that bottle, brother Aynsley
It's all we got

Top Frank Zappa, The Legend Of The Golden Arches

[includes Uncle Meat]
Heh heh heh . . . GrrrRRRNNHH . . .
Suzy: The first thing that attracted me to Mothers music was
the fact that they played for twenty minutes and everybody was hissing and booing and falling off the dance floor . . . And Elmer was yelling at them to get off stage and turn down their amplifiers

Top Frank Zappa, The Living Garbage Truck

Bruce: Bruce [...] . . .
FZ: What?
Bruce: From Reprise Records
FZ: Hi, there, how you doing?
Bruce: How you doing? Nice to see you again
FZ: Alright
Bruce: How's it going?
FZ: Well, it's alright
Bruce: Good. Hey, we got a neat publicity stunt we'd like to try
FZ: What's the stunt?
Bruce: We got a garbage truck we'd like to get some pictures of you and the Mothers on it
FZ: That's probably one of the most terrible ideas I've ever heard in my life! We're going down there?
Bruce: Yeah!
Mark: You'd love it, you know that?
Bruce: And, uh, we got that news paper here to cover it and, uh, plus, the front of the chart and stuff
FZ: The front of the chart . . .
Bruce: Yes, the, uh, FM chart that's put over here in Vancouver as a distribution for fifty thousand
FZ: What do you think, Dick?
Dick: What? A photo at the garbage truck?
Bruce: I think it's really gonna be a great idea, I really do
. . . on the other side of that
'But it won't be lonely for long . . . '
What's the deal?
Howard: Must we stand amidst the scum to get the idea across?
'Where are you on this ah long hot summer
Where are you on this ah . . . '
Mark: Are we going in it?
You think you can possibly . . . with the foot there?

Top Frank Zappa, A Kayak (On Snow)

Monica: A kayak . . . on snow . . . a mountain
Spider: There's a mountain on the beach?
Monica: It was under the beach
John: A mountain under the beach?
Monica: Yeah
John: How did you get to it?
Monica: We didn't, it found us
Spider: It came up through the beach?
Monica: No, it never came up. And the moon, the moon was shining on the sand. And we saw the mountain with the snow
John: Underneath?
Monica: Underneath
Spider: Did you see any of those little worms like . . . like were in the mud?

Top Frank Zappa, A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono

[Fillmore East, NYC
Late show, June 6, 1971]
FZ: Good night!
John Lennon: Good night, thank you!
Yoko Ono: Thank, thank you
John Lennon: We'd like to thank Frank for having us on here
Yoko Ono: Yeah, he's great, isn't he? He's the greatest . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Ride My Face To Chicago

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Say oo-wee-oo-oo
Oo-wee-oo-oo
You can say that!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
One more time!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Oh, well
Ride my...
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
On board!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
The plane is leaving soon
Oo-wee-oo-oo
You must be on board for the ticket
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Will that be an isle or a window?
Ride my...
Ride my face
Ride my face
Ride my face
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to Chicago
Ride it all night long
Say oo-wee-oo-wee-oo-wee-wee
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Oo-wee-wee-oo-wee-wee-oo-wee-wee
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Tell 'em what they're winning, aha!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Ride my...
Ride my face
Ride my face
Barking fishermen
Ride my face
Ride my face
Fishermen
Ride my face
Ride my face
Ride my face

Top Frank Zappa, Return Of The Son Of Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar

[Guitar solo from Inca Roads
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 19, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Patrick O'Hearn voice]
O'Hearn: Heh heh heh heh heh. . . I was there last night . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Republicans

[Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland
Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA
November 10, 1984
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Bobby Martin keyboards
Alan Zavod keyboards
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]

Top Frank Zappa, Religious Superstition

Motorhead: He's in the wrong piano
Louis: No, you're in the wrong piano
Roy: No . . .
Motorhead: This is a Steinway
Louis: You are!
Roy: It's not a Baldwin . . .
Motorhead: Yeah
Roy: It's not even a Wurlitzer
FZ: Saliva can only take so much

Top Frank Zappa, Rubber Shirt

Top Frank Zappa, ROOM SERVICE

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Hallo! Hello!
Hello!
Is this room service?
Hello?
Hallo?
Is this room service at the Hotel Leningrad?
Oh, Oh, Oh, Jawohl!
What would you like...?
Yeas, this is room service
Look here, buddy
Yeas, what would you like?
Oh, I'm so hungry!
You know, when you're a tourist and everything
And you travel around, you know
Going to all the neat little shops
Ten Marks, costs you ten Marks
I'm so hungry!
This call is going to cost you ten Marks
You got to understand that in the fo..., in the front
Look here
Everything costs ten Marks
Ivan, listen
Ivan, that's me
Jawohl
Look
You're going to sleep
You're going to sleep
I am so hungry
Can you bring me something to eat right away?
Bouillia... Bouilliabai?
No bouilliabai
Bouilliabai?
No boogie-a-bay
How's about boogie-the-bay?
No boogie-woogie-the-bay
How's about a fishie with the eye fallin' out?
Fish with...? Hey, that sounds delicious!
Send me some fish with the eyes falling out
How about a little sand over it?
That'll make it...
Sand on the fish, yes, a sand-fish
That be ten Marks
Do you have a sand-fish here?
Sand-fishie?
The eye's ten Marks
The fishie is forty
Hey!
Hey, listen!
Jawohl!
The people in your country certainly are charming
You know where I can get some pussy?
Ah...
Never mind, look
This is very, this is very respectable hotel, you understand
Just send me up...
You tell to bring pussy in here?
We spray you with lace!
Oh, well...
Right in the face!
Oh, well...
You don't bring no pussy in this hotel!
Ahhah, okay...
Who do you think we are anyway?
Well, I guess you told me...
Are you a Christian?
Am I... Yeah, I'm a Christian, sure!
Isn't everyone?
Ah, okay, you can bring...
Well you can bring some pussy in here if you're a Christian
That's a difference...
Sure, if I'm a Christian that means I get some pussy, right?
That's right, that's cool, if you're a Christian
Okay
You also get bouilliabai with it
Yeah, hey, great!
Look...
And the fish with the eye fallin' out
I want you to send me some pussy
One pussy
Some fish with the eyes falling out
One fish with the eye falling out
Some bouilliabai
Some bouilliabai
And a bible
And a what?
And a Giddeon bible
And a Giddeon bible?
Okay, we also bring you the Finnian bible
The Phoenician bible?
No, the Finnian bible, to go with the Giddeon bible
The Finnian bible
The Finnian and the Giddeon go together here
This is a terrible connection,
I can hardly hear you
But look, buddy,
Can you please get that stuff up to my room in a hurry?
I'm so hungry
We shall send it up by the Southern Pacific Railroad
Fast ah?
That is very fast
So fast you can never know
..........
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
You will also like to have a little visit
Hello, hello, hello
Room service?
Hallo?
Hey buddy!
You did not get your order?
No, listen, it's a...
You were not pleased with the pussy?
You don't like Americans very much here, do you?
Oh, you American! That'll be twenty Marks!
Yeah, twenty... right
Well, I don't care how much it costs, you know,
Just get it up to my room in a hurry because I'm so hungry
Well, you have to understand
If we didn't bring it up there too fast
It's probably because of the... the long summer that we had here,
You see
You had a long summer and that's why...?
We had a very long summer, about that fast
Heh heh
That's how long it was, like that
Now listen!
Wait a minute!
You get that food to my room right away
Room number?
Or I'm gonna call the American embassy
What?
You mean what am I going to call them?
Why?
I'm going to call them a barrel of motherfuckers
That's what I'm gonna call them
Well I know who's gonna bring it up to you right away
Mart, Mart, Mart Perellis
Mart, Mart, Mart Perellis
Mart, Mart, Mart Perellis

Top Frank Zappa, Ronnie Sings

Ronnie Williams (vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
(cough)
FZ: What key do you wanna do it in?
Ronnie: Try maybe, uh, D Flat.
Uh, do it in C, do it in C!
Uh, do it, do it slop.
do-do-dat-dat, do-do (clap-clap)
(snork)
Yeah, that's pretty good. Ba-ba-ba-Bump,
Ba-ba-ba-Bah-bahdily-bum-bow.
Bo-do-do-diddly-dow,
Bung-bow-do-bom-bom.
(laugh)
Bo-do-dung-dow-dodee-do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-dodn-dada
Doo-doo-da-da,
Dadn-dadn-da-da
Da-dadl-da-da-da
Dadn-diddly-dadn-diddly-dung-
De-dong-bong-bom-de-diddly dung dung
Ba-badn-boooo,

Top Frank Zappa, Roland's Big Event / Strat Vindaloo

[Roland Diry clarinet solo
L. Shankar violin
FZ guitar]

Top Frank Zappa, A Version Of Himself

Mark: Well uh . . . I play a v-, a version of myself a-, as Frank sees me, you know, like, you know what I mean?
Interviewer: No
Mark: It's not, uh, he sees the group from . . . like we see him from one point of view and he sees us from another place, this was written around like we're, you know, the folklore that each member had brought to create the image that we portray, like, uh, some of the scenes have happened before, specifically the, the hotel room scene where the group sits and talks about how Frank is not important to what the group is and . . . that scene I remember happening many times, uh, just the whole idea that it is Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention has always given us something to talk about, you know, Frank is, you know, our boss and so there's always that kinda management, uh, worker relationship that, you know, that just happens, it isn't like you, you plan for it to happen, it just does . . .

Top Frank Zappa, A Very Nice Body

Louis: Yes . . .
Roy: I kind of miss him
Louis: Yeah, me too
Roy: Getting on top of him and all
Louis: He had a very nice body too
Roy: Yeah, even though he was a, a . . . Oh well
Louis: A dual personality, you know
Roy: Yeah
Louis: We have to think of what he's doin' out there?
Roy: What did he go out there for anyway?
Louis: Maybe . . .
Roy: Maybe he wanted to get on top of one of those horse . . . ponies
Louis: Yes, maybe he wants to have intercourse with them!
Roy: What?
Louis: Intercourse!
Roy: Well, if he doesn't get clawed first
Louis: Yes, that's right. But, maybe, maybe he will find a real nice, a very nice kind horse, you know
Roy: A horse, yeah horse. Whore-sss
Louis: Boogey-man or something. Something out there. You might find a nice kind . . .
Roy: Boogey-man?
Louis: Well, something, you know. I don't know what it is myself - a horse - 'cause human beings, decent human beings. Nice place to live
Roy: Beans? You call them human beans?
Louis: And then before they turn to be boogey-men or . . .
Roy: That's why they came into the Steinway
Louis: Yes, that's why 'cause I just couldn't take them anymore, you know. They were vicious, too vicious. So I had to go, I had to, I had to come in here
Spider: Like, we can't understand what they're saying to each other
John: I know

Top Frank Zappa, A Tunnel Into Muck

John: Maybe the kayak is just a big worm
Monica: I found that to be a possibility
Spider: The worms stop in the tunnels sometimes
John: Where are the tunnels?
Spider: They're in the muck
John: In the muck?
Spider: Yeah, you saw the muck
John: But, you know, whenever I try to tunnel into muck, it always collapses on me

Top Frank Zappa, A Typical Sound Check

(Here comes the gear, lads!
Dunbar
Hear comes the gear, lads
I'm telling you man
Sounds like a Beatle cartoon
Key down
Just keep your mouth shut, you Curly
Look at those cars! The race cars
Sure soiunds likt the Beatles cartoon, hey, John Lennon here
Hey, wankers, there goes the gear
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your passenger agent I'd like to weclome you to abord
United's flght 664 to
Spokane We're departing in just a few more minutes We'll just be a couple minutes delay due to loading some extra
Baggage
Could that be ours?
I'd like to remind you that the, the bags you've carried on, that they should be stored underneath the seat in front of you
Howard?
During the flight
Us, yes, Mark
Would you like some film?
I would
Hope you have a pleasant, and thank you for flying the United
Good night, all)
Ha ha!
Now, the trip
This is great!

Top Frank Zappa, Rat Tomago

Top Frank Zappa, Amen

Roy: Amen!
Louis: Amen . . .
....

Top Frank Zappa, A Vicious Circle

Pony!

Top Frank Zappa, Alley Cat

Captain Beefheart (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Winged Eel Fingerling (Elliot Ingber) (slide guitar)
Drumbo (John French) (drums)
You may find me, baby
Yeah, this street
With my slippery fists
Knock it like this n
Knock it like that
With my heart in a cage
Tucked up under my hat
Fluttering like a little black bird, yeh
Just seen his furs, pussycat
Got my umbrella up in front, yeah
And over my head
Ready to beat you, baby,
If you don't let me in
Cuz its raining
Cuz its raining,
Baby outside
Well I'm tired and cold and hungry
Been knocked like this an
Knocked like that
Dont see that bad backyard
Alley cat
I want dis little pussy
Baby wants some o dis
And some o dat
Dont treat me, baby, like your
Any old Alley Cat
Alley Cat
Alley Cat
Alley Cat
Dont treat me, baby, like your

Top Frank Zappa, Almost Chinese

Larry: Almost Chinese, huh?
Girl #1: Yeah!
Motorhead: Good bread, 'cause I was making, uh . . . $2.71 an hour

Top Frank Zappa, Pygmy Twylite

Top Frank Zappa, T'mershi Duween

Wow!

Top Frank Zappa, Dog Breath

Mark Volman (lead vocals)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Don Preston (keyboards, mini-moog)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Primer mi carucha, chevy '39
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa, she is so divine
Helps me stealing hubcaps, wasted all the time
Fuzzy dice, bongos in the back
My ship of love is ready to attack

Top Frank Zappa, Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band Fro

Mark Volman (lead vocals)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Don Preston (keyboards, mini-moog)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You've gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La La
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La La
Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La La
The vegetable will respond to you
La La La La
Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutaba...
No one will know
If you don't want to let them know
No one will know
'less it's you that might tell them so
Call and they'll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetable dream
Vegetable dream
Vegetable dream of responding to you
Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide
TO HIDE, TO HIDE, TO HIDE,...
Shooo, Shooo, Shoo, Shoo ....
You know a lot of people don't bother about there friends in the vegetable kingdom. They, they think: What can I say? Some times they think: Where can I go?
Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
At Ralph's vegetarian poodle clippin', where you can come this...
Where can I go to get organic vaseline for my ????
At Bob and Ray's swaheli restorant, where you can come this close.....
Where can I go to get my jeans embroided at Fullurton?.....
At jeans, at Jeans North where nothing fits
Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in Hollywood?
Who gives the fuck anyway
Where can I go to get my speakers fixed?
Where can I go to get my exit lights?,
At Jack LaLane Hamburgers on 312 Woodier(?) Boulavard.
Where can I go to get my stomach pumped?
Where can I go to colapse
Hey, De-due.
Questions, Questions, Questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. Ah, but it's a great time to be alive ladies and gentlemen. And that's the theme of our program for tonight, ";It's so FUCKING GREAT to be alive";! Is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls. And I'm wanna tell ya, if there is anybody here who DOESN'T believe that it is FUCKING GREAT to be alive, I wish that they go now, because this show will only bring them down so much... ]
God Bless America
Land that I love
Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You've gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Oh, that the vegetable will respond to you
And if you are a consenting adult we want you to call today in Los Angeles, the number is Richmond9-6935 , in Downey it's 347-8932.
Call it direct,
Call it collect,
But call it today.

Top Frank Zappa, Magdalena

Mark Volman (lead vocals)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Don Preston (keyboards, mini-moog)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
There was a man
A little ole man
Who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid
And a car and a house
And a teenage daughter
With a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball - -
And her name was Magdalena
The little ole man
Came home one night
To his house in Montreal.
He caught his daughter
In the blouse by the light
And he said to himself:
"She looks all right!"
And he reached for a tit
And grabbed it tight
And threw her up
Against the wall
(BLUE CROSS!)
Magdalena, my daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?
The little ole man
With the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit
As he reached for her tit
And he said to himself:
"This gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around
And said: "Go eat shit!"
And ran on down the hall.
Right on, Magdalena!
My daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man
What that can do to a man?
Magdalena, don't you tease me like this
Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits
If your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena,
daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles,
I'd like to take you in the closet
and take off your little clothes
until you're virtually stark raving nude,
spread mayonaise and kaopectate all over your body
and take you down to Hollywood Boulevard
and we can, we can walk down the streets
by the stars that say John Provost and Leo G. Carroll
together, Baby.
We can go dancing up at the Cinegrill ... can't you see it: Frank Pernell and us, until dark ... don't you understand, my Baby ... I didn't mean, I didn't need, I mean ... it was so hard for me ... I just ... I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last night, in the light, with your little nipples protruding through your little see-thru thingie...and I just said 'My god, my god, I gave my sperm to this thing'...and now I just,...oh you got me so hard, I just, I don't know what to do Magdalena, don't you understand? So I grabbed you - but, but don't hold it against me - I mean, your mom will never know, Baby ... and I wantcha to come back to me... I mean... do you understand me?... I want you to... I'm down on my knees to ya, Magdalena... I wantcha ta walk back to me, Baby... I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine... that's it! that's it!... in the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon Jesus picture on the wall... and I want you to step, Baby, I want you to walk back in your f
ive inch spike heels that you got at Frederick's, same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year for the christmas... and I want you to stroll back to me, Baby... Walk back Baby, dontcha understand me Baby... I want you to walk back... I'm down on bended knees, Baby... I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I wanna take off your little trainig bra...Don't you understand me. I'm gonna take off you little maroon hot pants... I'm gonna get down on my knees, Baby... dontcha understand what I'm saying to you... your mom will never know... she's playing bridge with the girls... and you and I... you and I will... Baby, it's just you and I... dontcha understand... we can make love all night long... nobody will ever know... come on, Magdalena! ...please, little girl... walk back to your daddy... what did I do that was so wrong?...my god, I was only following the sexual impulse like I heard on the Johnny Carson Show...from a book or something I wrote, I didn't know what I was doing...I got carried away... walk bac

Top Frank Zappa, Eddie, Are You Kidding?

Mark Volman (lead vocals)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Don Preston (keyboards, mini-moog)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Eddie, are you kidding?
I've seen you on my TV
Eddie, are you kidding?
The people always ask me
I saw your double knits
I thought they were the pits
You threw it in a bag
And then you sent me home - -
What!?
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no.
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no.
Eddie, are you teasing
About your rancid garments?
Eddie, are you teasing
About your sixty tailors?
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In fifty Dollar suit - -
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no.
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no.
Eddie, my friends ask me,
Eddie, Eddie, are you kidding?
I wanna tell you something,
my friends:
I am not kidding.
Here at Zachary All
We have sixty tailors
In the back room.
We have the west's largest
Selections of portly's, regulars
Longs, extra longs, and cadets.
And my friends say to me: Eddie,
Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
(Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?)
And I tell them: I'll tell you
Something frankly, my friends - -
When the new double knits first
Came out, I was not impressed.
But as you can see
These pants I'm wearing
Are double knit. They stretch
In all the right places.
They're most comfortable.
Our model Twiggy here will demostrate.
I have this lovely little
Seersucker ... wait a minute
WHERE CAN I GO GARDENA?
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN L.A.
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN ROSEMONT
I NEED SOME THREADS TODAY
I need the knits
The double knits
I need the knits
They are the pits
I need the knits
The double knits
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In fifty Dollar suit - -
Whew!
Eddie, are you kidding? No, no.
Eddie, are you kidding? No, no.
Eddie, are you kidding? No, no.
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?
No, my friends, I'm not kidding,
Right here on the miracle mile
We have the west's largest
Selections of portly, regular
Cadet, tall and long.
And not only that - -
My brother Jake and Little Emil

Top Frank Zappa, Envelops The Bath Tub

'Cause round things are... are boring...

Top Frank Zappa, Drums Are Too Noisy

Drums are too noisy, you've got no corners to hide in.
So when she's beating him over the nose with a tire iron
and then we both jump away and disappear
and the pig will turn around and there'll be this pony.

Top Frank Zappa, Kangaroos

And then they eat it when they get hungry.If it's still alive.

Top Frank Zappa, Just One More Time

Oh yeah!
That's just fine!
Come on boys!
Just one more time!
I think I can explain about how the pigs music works.
Well, this should be interesting.
Remember that they make music with a very dense light.
And remember about the smoke standing still and how they,
they really get up tight,
when you try to move the smoke, right?
Right...
Yeah...
I think the music in that dense light
is probably what makes the smoke stand still.
Any sort of motion has its effect on, on the pony's manes.
You know, the thing on their neck.
Hmm...
As soon as the pony's manes starts to get good in the back,
any sort of, like motion, especially of smoke or gas,
begins to make the end split.
That's the basis of all their nationalism,
like if they can't salute the smoke every morning
when they get up.

Top Frank Zappa, Very Distraughtening

Ah, that one again.
It's a little pig with wings.
I hear you've been having trouble with pigs and ponies!
It's very distraughtening.
Everything in the universe is, is, is made of one element,
which is a note, a single note.
Atoms are really vibrations, you know.
With your extensions of the BIG NOTE, everything's one note.
Everything, even the ponies.
The note, however, is the ultimate power,
but see the pigs don't know that,
the ponies don't know that.
You mean just we know that?
RIGHT!
Merry-go-round, Merry-go-round,
tu-tu-tu-tu tu-tu-tu tu-tu-tu
And they call that doing their thing.
Oh yeah? That's what doing your thing is!

Top Frank Zappa, Lumpy Gravy I

Theme
The way I see it, Barry, This should be a dynamite show.
Orchestral
Surf Music
Bit of nostalga for the old folks
Dialogue
I'm advocating dark clothes
If I'm not alone
How long have I been asleep
As long as I have
Did you ever live in a drum?
Well then you aren't me
I only dreamed I lived in a drum
Ever since it got dark
Dreaming is hard
Yea, but with nothing over your head?
No just light over my head and underneath too
I don't think I could take it without anything over my head
M-M - ???
Well why don't you go out and see what's out there?
Well I don't know if that's what's out there.
That's a thought, if you'd like
Yes but still you can say darker and darker
I don't know what the outside of this thing looks like at all
I knew it's dark and murky
How do you get your water so dark?
Cause I'm paranoid
I'm very paranoid and the water in my washing machine turns dark out
of sympathy
Out of sympathy?
Um where can I get that?
At your local drug store
How much?
It's from Kansas
Dixieland Music
Effects
Bored out .90 over with 3 strong burt 97ths
Car Dialogue
Almost chinese huh yeah.
Good bread, cause I was making um $2.71 an hour
I keep switching girls all the time because if i'm able to find a girl with really a groovy car that I can build up, man, I'll go steady with her for awhile until I can build up her car and blow out the engine.
Orchestral (sped up)
Orchestral (1)
Dialogue
I worked in a cheesy newspaper company for awhile but that was terrible, I wasn't making enough money to build anything
Louie Louie
And then I worked in a printing company and a couple of gas stations. Oh at the gas station where I was working my brother had just gotten married and uh, he bought a new car and his wife was having a kid and all this miserable stuff and he needed a job so I gave him a job at the gas station of which I was fired because, you know, he was going to work there. And he had his car on the rack and he was lubing it and changing tires and everything all the time. And so then he got fired because he was goofing off, man, and he just kept taking parts and working on his car day and night. So he lost that job and I went to work in another gas station. He took that one, you know, so he could feed the kids and that. Then I went to work in a aircraft company, and uh, I was building these planes. I worked on the XB-70, I was the last welder on there. Yea but, It was pretty good bread because I was making um, $2.71 an hour. I was making a hundred and a quarter a week, and uh, yea it was good enough money to be working on so
i got an Oldsmobile, a groovy Olds. But I was going with this chick at the time. By the time I got the olds running decently, she went out and tore up the engine, and the trans and let her girlfriends get in there and booze it up and tare up the seats. They ripped the seats completely out. So uh, I got a '56 olds, which was this one chick I was going with, and uh we used to drive out all over the place and finally she got rid of that and uh, I got another pickup.
Fast Rock
Sound Effects
Sped Up Drums
Orchestral
Oh man, I don't know if I can go through this again.
Orchestral (1)
Orchestral (sped up)
Sound Effects

Top Frank Zappa, Hog Heaven

Bozzio: God, that was really beautiful . . .
O'Hearn: Ha-uh . .
....

Top Frank Zappa, Here Comes The Gear, Lads

Aynsley: Here comes the gear, lads!
Howard: Dunbar . . .
Jeff: 'Here comes the gear, lads'
Howard: I'm telling you man . . .
Jeff: Sounds like a Beatles cartoon
Howard: Key down
Aynsley: Just keep your mouth shut, you . . . Curly!
?: Look at those cars! The race cars
Mark: Sure sounds like the Beatles cartoon, 'Hey, John Lennon here . . . '
Jeff: 'Hey, Wankers, there goes the gear'
Pilot: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your passenger agent. I'd like to welcome you to aboard United's flight 664 to Spokane. We're departing in just a few more minutes. We'll just be a . . . couple minutes delayed due to loading some extra baggage.
Mark: Could that be ours?
Pilot: I'd like to remind you that the, the bags you've carried on, that they should be stored underneath the seat in front of you . . .
Mark: Howard?
Pilot: During the flight . . .
Howard: Uh, yes, Mark . . .
Mark: Would you like some film?
Howard: I would
Pilot: Hope you have a pleasant trip, and . . . thank you for flying United
Stewardess: Good night, all
Ha ha!
Now, the trip . . .
This is great!

Top Frank Zappa, Heavy Duty Judy

FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice
Davey Moire voice?]
Bozzio: Talk him down, Vic . . .
Moire?: Mmm . . .
O'Hearn: Come on down, Johnny . . .
Moire?: Okay . . .

Top Frank Zappa, He's Watching Us

[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of '200 Motels'
January 18, 1971]
Howard: It's him, he's watching us!
Mark: You think he heard us?
Ian: I've been in the band for years, and . . . you can bet that he hears everything
Jeff: Let's go over and pretend to be nice to him
Howard: Let's go over and pretend we don't know he's watching
Mark: And ripping off all our good material
Howard: Hi, man
Ian: Hi, Frank
Mark: Hi, man
Jeff: Hi, Frank
Aynsley: Hi, man
George: Hi, Frank
Mark: Well, that's a great new comic song you wrote, that one about the penis and everything, I was laughing a lot while I was learning it
Howard: Yeah, Frank, uh, it was a little hard to get into it first, but, uh, once we got the drift . . .
Jeff: That's a real great part you got in there for the chorus when they go ran-tan-toon ran-ta-tan, while I steal the room and everything, I don't mind he's ripping it off so long I get paid . . .
Mark: Me too, I won't even care 'bout the part where it goes 'what can I say about this elixir?' so long as me and Howard and Jeff get credit for special material, there's some bad ground acid . . . Aynsley, you can take it with a grain of salt, ha ha ha . . .
Aynsley: I don't mean to upset you, lads . . . I don't mean to upset you, lads, but the reason my retorts were so snappy is because he's making me do this, I should imagine he's making you do yours too, isn't he?
Howard: Get out of here, you creep, you used to live in his house!
Aynsley: See you later, lads

Top Frank Zappa, He's Right

[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of '200 Motels'
January 18, 1971]
Mark: Howard, he's right! Ha ha ha!
Howard: I know he is, you might as well admit it too, Simmons
Jeff: Alright, it's pathetic, he's making me do this, I can't help myself, suicide is imminent
Mark: By the time we actually get to doing this, man, it'll just be two reels

Top Frank Zappa, Have You Ever Heard Their Band?

Monica: Have you ever heard their band?
Spider: I don't understand it though. Their band, I don't understand . . .
Monica: I . . . I don't think they understand it either
Spider: What? The smoke?
John & Monica: The band!
Spider: The band doesn't understand what?
Monica: Did you know that?
FZ: The smoke stands still
John: There's some kind of thing that's giving us all these revelations
Spider: Yeah, well that's the . . .
John: It's . . . It's . . . It's this funny voice . . . and he keeps telling us all these things and I . . . it . . . I just thought that before we just thought of these things . . . ya know, like just off the wall and out of our heads
Spider: No, that's religious superstition

Top Frank Zappa, Handsome Cabin Boy

(traditional, arranged by FZ)
[Apostolic Studios, NYC
December, 1967-February, 1968
FZ guitar, bass
Art Tripp marimba, vibes
Don Preston keyboards
Jimmy Carl Black drums]

Top Frank Zappa, Gross Man

Spider: GROSS MAN!

Top Frank Zappa, Going For The Money

?: Smurf mee!
?: Smurf meee!
?: Metz
Jeff: Right Howard?
Howard: Right Jeff, we're going for the money, all the way
....

Top Frank Zappa, Getting Stewed

Howard: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, coming to you direct from high atop the Konrad Adenauer Inn. Just a short forty five minute rocket flight, from where Cape Canaveral meets the Alcan Highway, twenty minutes down Route 66, just a short hop skip and a jump from the corner of Sunset and Fifth avenue. High atop one Fifth avenue where we're listening to the rancid rhythms of Riles Mizzinnitz and his music to make you wanna throw up.
Yes, and coming up right after this, ladies and gentlemen, The Five Rancid Fingers of Ben Zedrine and his . . .
Mark: Strings . . .
Howard: Silly side and cut ups, yes, ladies and gentlemen, here we go into another . . . thing. No, not into another thing, ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad, because it's time to say that you're listening to the National Bum Rushing Company and we're all sitting around the table here stewed, ladies and gentlemen, and we're sitting here in Spokane, Washington
Mark: Right on
Howard: Would beyond the reef
Mark: Can Can
Howard: I hope this is it, because I can't go on crooning forever, come on in, boys!

Top Frank Zappa, Semi-Fraudulent\Direct-From-Hollywood Overture

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen!
Chorus:
200 motels
Theodor Bikel:
200 motels.. Life on the road.
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen! and here he is..
Who?
Larry the dwarf.
Larry likes to dress up funny. Tonight he's dressed up like Frank Zappa.
Let's ask him ";What's the deal?";

Top Frank Zappa, Prologue

Top Frank Zappa, That Evil Prince

Top Frank Zappa, 200 Years Old

I was sittin' in a breakfast room in Allentown, Pennsylvania,
six o'clock in the morning, got up too early, it was a terrible mistake...
sittin' there face-to-face with a 75 cent glass of orange juice
about as big as my finger and a bowl of horribly foreshortened cornflakes,
and I said to myself: "This is the life!" . . .
She's two hundred years old
So mean she couldn't grow no lips
Boy, she'd be in trouble if she
Tried to grow a mustache
She's two hundred years old
Squattin' down & pockin' up
In front of the juke box
Like she had true religion, boy
Like she had true religion
She's two hundred years old
Hoy hoy, 200 years old
Half of this, none of that,
One-fifty oh squattin'
Yeah-ah, ain't she got

Top Frank Zappa, Advance Romance

No more credit
From liquor store
Suit is all dirty, boy
Shoes is all wore
Tired and lonely, my
Heart is all sore
Advance romance
I can't stand it no more
Told me she loved me
I believed what she said
Took me for a sucker, boy
All corn-fed
Next thing I knew
She had a bolt on the door
Advance romance
I can't use it no more
She took George's watch
Like they always do
(It was a Timex, too!)
No more money, boy
I shoulda knew
'You know I told ya'
'I know you told me'
'Ya didn't listen to me'
'But I couldn't listen to ya!'
'Told ya 'bout the anchovies... George DUKE!'
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too
Advance romance
People I am through!
Potato-head Bobby
was a friend of mine
Open three of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Open four of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Open five of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Open six of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Said she might be a devil
But she sure was fine
Advance romance
He wanna try it one time
Later that night
He drop on by
Told her all he wanna do
Was step up and say "Hi"
Half an hour later
She had frenched his fry
Advance romance

Top Frank Zappa, Debra Kadabra

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Debra Kadabra, say she's a witch,
shit-ass Charlotte, aint that a bitch?
Debra Kadabra, haw that's rich.
June, a rancho granny,
Shook her wrinkled fanny
Shoes are too tight and pointed
Ankles sorta puffin' out
Cause me to shout:
Oh Debra Algebra Ebneezra Kadabra
Witch goddess, witch goddess of lancashire
Boulevard.
Cover my entire bodice, with Avon Cologna.
And drive me to some relative's house, in East L.A. (foogadah! ?)
(Just till my skin clears up)
Turn it to channel thirteen,
and maybe watch the rubber tongue, when it comes out
from the puffed, and flanulent Mexican rubbergoods mask.
Next time they show the Brnokka
Make me buy The Flosser.
Make me draw
brainiac figures
But with more hair!
(But with more hair)
Make me kiss your turquoise jewelry.
Emboss me.
Rub the hot front part of my head,
with rented unguents
Give me bas relief!
Cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it.
If she casts a spell my way,
I promise to go under it.
If she casts a spell my way,
I promise to go under it.
Oh, hear this!
Learn the pachuco hop, and let me twirl you!
Learn the pachuco hop, and let me twirl you!
Oh Debra Fauntleroy Magnesium Kadabra! Take me with you!

Top Frank Zappa, The White Boy Troubles

Top Frank Zappa, Wistful With A Fist-Full

Top Frank Zappa, Cucamonga

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Out in Cucamonga
Many years ago
Near a Holy Roller Church
There was once a place
Where me and a couple of friends
Began practicing for the time
We might go On TV
And as fate would have it
Later on we got a chance to play.
All we ever really knew:
That it was crazy (Nanook, no-no)

Top Frank Zappa, The 'Torchum' Never Stops

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
THING-FISH:
Now, dis nasty sucker is de respondable party fo de en-whiffment o' de origumal potium. Through de magik o' stage-kraff, we be able to see him at woik!
He now be preparin' some ugly shit to make yo' life even mo' mizzable den it awready are, since dis batch be resigned to render him IMMORTAL! We does not know if it gwine woik yet, but we kin always hope fo' de best!
THING-FISH: (singing)
Flies all green 'n buzznin'
In his dunjing of despair
Prisoners grummle an' piss dey' clothes
'N scratch dey' matted hair
A tiny light fum a window-hole
A hunnit yards away
Is all dey ever gets t'know
'Bouts de reg'luh life in de day
An' it stink so bad, de stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In de room where de giant fowah-puffer woikin',
'N de torchum never stops
De torchum never stops
De torchum,
De torchum,
De torchum never stops
(Go on, 'DEWLLA! Play dat lil' guitar one mo'gin!)
(spoken)
Uh-oh! I smells trubba! He be messin' wit pigmeat heahhh! Muthafucker be rejectin' some CO-LOG- NUH directly into de DUO-DEENUM of de unsuspecting victim! Now he gone see if he immune to it by eatin' a dab hisseff!
(singing)
Flies all green an' buzznin'
In his dunjing of despair
An EVIL PRINCE eats a steamin' pig
In a chamber, right near dere
He eat de snouts an' de trotters foist!
De loins an' de groins id soon re-spersed
His carvin' style id well re-hoist
He stan' 'n shout:
All main be coist!
All main be coist!
All main be coist!
All main be coist!
An' dis-ergree? Well, no one durst...
He de best, of cose, of all de woist
Some wrong been done, he done it foist...
An' he stink so bad, his bones been chokin'
And weepin' greenish drops,
In de vat of GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH,
Where de Re-zease be berlin' up
Berlin' an' uh boilin' up
CO-LOG-NUH!
CO-LOG-NUH!
GALOOT CO-LOG-UH-NUH!
THING-FISH: (spoken)
Oh! Do yoseff a favum 'n DON'T USE IT! Oooooooh! Look at THESE ugly suckers! Boy, when white folks come back fum bein' dead, they sho' gets scary-lookin'! But don't take their appearance too seriously, people, 'cause dey say dis de sort o' folks dat belongs on BROADWAY! The BROADWAY ZOMBIES collect around the EVIL PRINCE, who suddenly suspects the presence of an intruder. After taking a large bite from an onion he sings...
EVIL PRINCE: (singing)
Somewhere, over there, I can tell,
There's a voice of
A potato-headed whatchamacallit
Who does not wish me well!
His clothes are quite stupid,
And also his shoes!
He's got a big ol' duck-mouth!
(Who knows how he chews!)
He thinks he knows something
About THE GREAT PLAN!
How ULTIMATE BLANDNESS
Must RULE and COMMAND
He knows not a drop,
Not a crumb,
Not a whit,
Of the reason for doing
This criminal shit
And then, if he did,
Would it matter a bit?
Not at all!
Because IT IS WRIT:
Our BEIGE-BLANDISH GOD
Tends to CERTIFY IT:
"Only the boring and bland shall survive!
Only the lamest of lameness will thrive!"
Take it or leave it, you won't be alive,
If you are overtly CREATIVE!
Fairies and faggots and queers are
'CREATIVE'
All the best music on Broadway is
'NATIVE'
Who will step forward
And end all this trouble?
For beige-blandish citizens,
Clutching the rubble
Of vanishing dreams
Of wimpish amusement,
Replaced by a rash
Of 'CREATIVE' confusement!
Soon, my brave Zombies,
You'll make your return!
Broadway will glow!
Broadway will burn!
(Along with the remnants of
EVERYTHING NEW)
My HOLY DISEASE will do
Wonders for you!
Those lovely producers
Who paid for you 'then'
Will do it again, and again, and again!
EVIL PRINCE: (singing to the Zombies)
The spying potato
With horrible diction
Will rot in the garbage
When this show's eviction
Takes place shortly after
My alternate skill
Of THEATRICAL SABOTAGE
Triumphs YOUR will!
I've a special review
I've been saving for years
For a show just like this,
With POTATOES and QUEERS
I'll say it's disgusting, atrocious, and dull
I'll say it makes boils inside of your skull
I'll say it's the worst-of-the-worst of the
year,
No wind down the plain, and it's hard on your
I'll say it's the work of an infantile mind
I'll say that it's tasteless, and that you will
find
A better excuse to spend money or time
At a Tupper-Ware Party,
So, do be a smarty!
Hold on to that dollar
A little while longer
For spending it here,
Why, it couldn't be wronger!
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?
WHERE'S IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?
THE 'HEART' AND THE 'SOUL'
THE PATTER?
THE PITTER?
And after this deadly review hits the paper,
In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER,
To legally execute all that remains
Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains
THING-FISH: (singing)
Flies all green an' buzznin'
In his dunjing of despair
Who are all o' dem ZOMBIES
Dat he fuckin' wit down dere?
Are dey crazy?
Are dey sainted?
Are dey STAGE-KRAFF someone painted?
It have never been explained,
Since at first it were created,
But, a MUSICAL, like we's in,
Require a WHOLE BUNCH O' EVERYTHIN'!
We talkin' EVERYTHIN' DAT EVER BEEN!
Look at her!
Look at him!
Dat what de deal we dealin' in
Dat what de deal we dealin' in
Dat what de deal we dealin' in

Top Frank Zappa, BACON FAT

Top Frank Zappa, The Mammy Nuns

Top Frank Zappa, The Massive Improve'lence

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
THING-FISH: (to the rubber girl)
Hmmm! Dat quite a massive improve'lence, dahlin'! Jes' a few moments ago you was well on yo' way to bein' severely ugly! Now, thoo de magik o' stagekraff, de blubulence of yo' blobulence done reciprocated to a respectumal reclusium! Yow! SCIENCE!
(to HARRY & RHONDA)
Ef y'all don't minds me sayin' so, I b'lieves it's 'bout time fo yo pathetical miniaturized replicas to FALL IN LOVE! After all...dis lil' sucker already been fulla glue, homo-sectional extru- siums, 'n ARMY FOOD...nothin' left fo' him to do, 'cept get catched by dis' lil' stinker over heahhh!
'Membuh, we's on BROADWAY! Muthafucker be buyin' dem tickets wants a lil' HEART, a lil' SOUL...'n some TITTY TOO, ef dey can git it, so, les' get y'all in positium heah, 'n get dis silly business over wit! Y'all's takin' too goddam long to GROW UP IN ERMERICA!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I suppose you're right, Mr. THING-FISH, but you'll have to admit...this is a rather awkward situation!
HARRY:
That's right! Stage-craft is one thing, but this is ridiculous! Where did that stimulating little replica come from anyway?
RHONDA:
That's a GOOD QUESTION, HARRY! Don't let him wiggle out of it! Hound him mercifullessly until you receive a suitable answer!
HARRY:
Now, just hold yourself in abeyance, RHONDA! I'll handle this! Look here, 'Mr. POTATO-HEAD', what's the meaning of all this? Do you realize what you're asking my REPLICA to do? Do you expect him to literally FALL IN LOVE in front of all these people...with that artificial RHONDA over there?
THING-FISH:
Do de Pope shit in de woods?
HARRY:
Now, just hold on there, buddy! Let's be serious! The toilet training of exalted religious personalities is not our primary topic of discussion!
RHONDA:
HARRY, that's wonderful! The way you're just rearing up on your hind legs like that! That's terrific! So what if you suck a little cock every once in a while! That's TERRIFIC!
THING-FISH: (to HARRY)
Look heahhh, sweetheart, they's somethin' fishy gwine on...all I's wantin' to do is get de romantic in'trust out de way so we can git back to de EVIL PRINCE, 'n see what de fuck we gone do 'bouts HIM! De way you's givin' me de lip, lead me to infer a subterior motivatium!
HARRY: (singing)
I WANT A NUN!
I WANT A NUN!
I WANT A BURRO,
IN THE FROSTY LIGHT!
THING-FISH:
You want a NUN? De boy want a NUN? What de fuck kinda NUN you want?
HARRY: (singing)
I CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE UP MY MIND!
SOMETHING ABOUT MAMMYS
SEEMS SO SUBLIME...
THAT'S THE BROADWAY WORD
USED WHEN THEY RHYME
A SONG ABOUT LOVE!
THING-FISH:
But, on BROADWAY, it's a NEW DAY! Ain'tcha hoid? Yo' unrequired desirin's be mo' suited to de ZOMBY-FOLK up in de EVIL PRINCE'S lab-mo-to-rium!
HARRY: (whimpering)
Don't make fun of me...PLEASE! I know I'm not the most desirable kind of fellow a 'MAMMY NUN' could choose for intimate companionship...but...but... gosh-darn-it, I'd TRY...I'd REALLY TRY to make you HAPPY!
RHONDA:
HARRY...you are...a worm...a disgusting WORM! YOU WORMMMMMM! You are nothing but a WORMMMMMMMMMMMM!
THING-FISH:
Boy obviously got hisseff a provlum! Would y'all like to use my nakkin' one mo' time?
HARRY:
Oh, YES! YES! Give me...your...how do you say it? 'NAY'KIN'? Oh!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I think this is going too far, Mr. THING-FISH! I haven't even had a chance to fall in love, or to grow to maturity yet! The ARTIFICIAL RHONDA is pining away for my wholesome companionship, just over there! This isn't right! You're letting everything get all out of sequence!
THING-FISH:
Whoa! I gots yo' 'SEQUENCE' hangin', boy! Get outs de way! Cain't y'see dat de mizzable cock-sucker you ultimately gwine become done fell in love wit' a 'MAMMY NUN'! Awright, which one idit, sweetheart?
HARRY:
I...I...can't seem to make up my mind...you're all so...MASTERFUL! So SENSUOUS...you're so INCREDIBLY TALENTED!
RHONDA:
...a wor-r-r-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! You are a FUCKING WOR-R-R-R-R-R-R-MMMMMMMMM!
THING-FISH:
Makes up yo' mind, dahlin'! We ain't gots all night heahhh! Intromissium be comin' up putty quick! Folks be headin' on out to de lobby fo' dem MASH POTATOES we tole 'em 'bout earlier!
HARRY-AS-A-BOY:
I insist on FALLING IN LOVE, right now, this very moment, and I don't care what you do with HIM...
THING-FISH:
Go 'head on den...go git yo' deflateable bitch ovuh deah! Judgin' fum all de fuss, you ain't in much better shape den de large economy size been clutchin' at my nakkin!
We gots a love song (jes' yo' type), bridgin' de conceptiumal gap between what you IS, what you THINK you is, what WE think you is, what you is GONNA BE, 'n also what yo' rubberized madonna be somewhat remindin' me of!

Top Frank Zappa, Zoot Allures

Top Frank Zappa, The Blue Light

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Bob Harris (keyboards, trumpet, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Your ethos
Your pathos
Your Porthos
Your Aramis
Your Brut Cologne
You're writing home
You are hopeless
Your hopelessness
Is rising around you, rising around you
You like it
It gives you something to do
In the day time
Hey buddy, you need a hobby
You are tired of moving forward
You think of the future
And secretly you piddle your pants
The puddle of piddle
Which used to be little
Is rising around you, rising around you
You like it
It gives you something to do
In the night time
Oh well, you travel to bars
You also go to Winchell's Doughnuts
And hang out with the Highway Patrol
Sometimes you'll go to a pizza place
You go to Shakey's to get that
American kind of pizza
That has the ugly, waxey, fake yellow
Kind of cheese on the top...
Maybe you'll go to Straw Hat Pizza,
To get all those artificial ingredients
That never belonged on a pizza in the first place
(But the white people really like it...)
Oh well, you'll go anyplace, you'll do anything
Oh you'll give me your underpants
I hope these aren't yours, buddy...
They're very nice, though
You go to Santa Monica Boulevard,
You go to the Blue Parrot
No problem, you'll go anyplace
You'll do anything
Just so you can hang out with the others
The others just like you
Afraid of the future
(Death Valley Days straight ahead)
The future is scary
(Yes it sure is)
Well, the puddle is rising
It smells like the ocean
A body of water to isolate England
And also Reseda
The oil in patches
All over Atlantis, Atlantis
You remember Atlantis
Donovan, the guy with the brocade coat
Used to sing to you about Atlantis
You loved it, you were so envolved then
That's back in the days when you used to
Smoke a banana
You would scrape the stuff off the middle
You would bake it
You would smoke it
You even thought you was getting ripped from it
No problem
Woop! Atlantis, they could really get down there
The plankton, the krill
The giant underwater pyramid, the squid decor
Excuse me, Todd
The big ol' giant underwater door
The dome, the bubbles, the blue light
Light, light, light, light
Light, light, light, light
Blue light blue light
The seepage, the sewage, the rubbers, the napkins
Your ethos, your Porthos,
Your flag pole, your port hole
Your language
You're frightened
The future
Your lang...
You can't even speak your own fucking language
You can't read it anymore
You can't write it anymore
Your language
The future of your language
Your meat loaf
Don't let your meat loaf
Heh, heh, heh
Your Micro-Nanette
Your Brut

Top Frank Zappa, Pick Me, I'm Clean

Top Frank Zappa, Ian Underwood Whips It Out

Top Frank Zappa, God Bless America

Top Frank Zappa, Louie Louie

FZ: Ah! I know the perfect thing to accompany this man's trumpet. None other than . . . The Mighty & Majestic Albert Hall Pipe Organ!
Guy In The Audience: Right!
FZ: You understand that you won't be able to hear the organ once we turn the amplifiers up . . .
Awright, Don? . . . Whip it on 'em! . . . 'Louie Louie'! They like it loud too, you know?
FZ: Let's hear again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

Top Frank Zappa, If We'd All Been Living In California...

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals, percussion)
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (electric bass)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Bunk Gardner (piccolo, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, soprano saxophone, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone, bassoon)
Ian Underwood (electric organ, piano, harpsichord, celeste, flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Arthur Tripp (drums, timpani, vibes, marimba, xylophone, wood blocks, bells, small chimes)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, tambourine)
Ruth Komanoff (marimba, vibes)
Ok, now you still want to get your name in the magazines
And he wants 500 dollars a month.
Where does it come from?
We worked one gig this month.
And thats....so what do we get?
Two hundred dollars for this gig up here if we're lucky.
If we're lucky, we'll get two hundred.
And it will be two weeks before we get it.
Probably.
I mean after all, what is all this shit in the newspaper,
if we got such a big name, how come....., we're starving man!
This fucking band is starving!
And we've been starving for three years.
I realize it takes a long time but God Damn it!
Does it take another five, ten years from now.
There's some months when you're not going to work as much as other months. There's some months when you're going to make a lot of money and if you average it out, you do make more than two hundred dollars a month.
Expenses are sure high to.
If we'd all been living in California,
it would have been different.
If we'd all been living in California,
we wouldn't have worked at all.
Oh, that's true.
Well, we're not working now anyway.
We worked one gig this month Frank.
What's wrong with getting two months in a row of this good money?
Or three months in a row.
Then we could afford to take three of four months off
and everybody can......
After the first month I can get just enough ahead
but if I had two more months man,
I'll get ahead.

Top Frank Zappa, Cruising For Burgers

I must be free
My fake I.D.
Freeeeeees me
Gotta do a few things
To make my life complete
I gotta live my life
Out on the street
The difference between us
Is not very far
Cruising for burgers
In daddy's new car
My phony freedom card
Brings to me
Instantly
ECSTASY

Top Frank Zappa, Tinseltown Rebellion

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Bob Harris (keyboards, trumpet, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
From Madam Wong's to Starwood
To the Whiskey on the Strip
You can hear the crashing, blasting strum
Of bands that come to be real hip
And get a record contract
From a talent scout some day
They'll sell their ass, their cocks and balls
They'll take the check 'n' walk away
If they're lucky they'll get famous
For a week or two perhaps
They'll buy some ugly clothes to wear
And hope the business don't collapse
Before some stupid magazine
Decides they're really good
They're a Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
From downtown Hollywood
Tinsel Town Rebellion, Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
It's a little bitty Tinsel Town Rebellion
A Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
They used to play all kinds of stuff
And some of it was nice
Some of it was musical
But then they took some guy's advice
To get a record deal, he said,
They would have to be more punk
Forget their chops and play real dumb
Or else they would be sunk
So off they go to S.I.R. to learn some stupid riffs
And practice all their poses
In between their powder sniffs
Chop a line now, snort it up now
And when they think they've got it
They launch a new career
Who gives a fuck if what they play
Is somewhat insincere
Tinsel Town Rebellion, Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
A Tinsel Town Rebellion,
A Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
Did you know that in Tinsel Town the people down there
Think that substance is a bore
And if your New Wave group looks good
They'll hurry on back for more
Of leather groups and plastic groups
And groups that look real queer
The Tinsel Town aficionados
Come to see and not to hear
But then again this system works
As perfect as a dream
It works for all of those record company pricks
Who come to skim the cream
From the cesspools of excitement
Where Jim Morrison once stood
It's the Tinsel Town Rebellion
From downtown Hollywood
Is everybody happy?
Oh never mind!
No problem!

Top Frank Zappa, Electric Aunt Jemima

Top Frank Zappa, Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague

Top Frank Zappa, The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
The adventures of GREGGERY PECCARY!
Oh, here comes GREGGERY,
Little GRECGERY PECCARY
The nocturnal gregarious
Wild swine
A peccary
Is a little pig
With a white collar
That usually hangs around
Between Texas and Paraguay
Sometimes ranging as far
west as Catalina
Catalina, Catalina, Catalina!
This particular peccary
Is part of that bold (bold),
New (new) breed (breeding)
That extinguishes itself
By markings which resemble a
WIDE TIE
Directly below the
White collar
If it's white enough
Everyone will know
That the tie I'm wearing
Is a symbol
Of how nimble mv mind will know
Ooh-ooh!
(Swine suave!)
Look out!
Here he comes again!
Oh here comes GREGGERY PECCARY.
Yes it's cravv, cravy, veah...
Every morning, GREGGERY drives
His little red Volkswagen to the ugly
Part of town where they keep the Government Buildings.
Voodn, Voodn!
Boy it's so hard to find a place to park around here!
GREGGERY PECCARY takes the elevator
Up to the eighty-third floor of a grim,
Gray, evil-looking building
With a sign on the front reading:
'BIG SWIFTY ASSOCIATES. TREND-MONGERS'.
And what, might you ask, is a TREND MONGER?
Well, a TREND MONGER is a person
who dreams up a TREND
(Like 'The Twist' --- or 'Flower Power'),
And spreads it throughout the land,
Using all the frightening little skills
That Science has made available!
And so it was, one fateful morning,
GREGGERY PECCARY made his way through the Steno Pool . . .
Hi Mildred!
Hello Gladys!
WANDA!
Yes, from the moment they laid
eyes on him,
All the girls in the BIG SWIFTY
Steno Pool
KNEW . . .
Here was a
Nocturnal,
Gregarious
Wild swine
ON HIS WAY UP!
A Peccary of Destiny,
Adventure
ROMANCE!
Is there any mail for me?
SWIFTY'S!
THIS IS BIG SWIFTY'S!
AT BIG SWIFTY'S WE ALL KNOW-OW-OW
YOU'LL GO
FOR ANY GIMMICK OR GIZMO!
WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE INVOLVED
IN A SERIES OF COLORFUL
TIME-WASTINC TRENDS?
AIR HOCKEY . . . biff . . . dush-h-h!
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP
IS YOUR WIFE SNORING BY THE SINK?
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP
AIN'T YOUR LIFE BORING, DON'TCHA THINK?
YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP
LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER
WHEN THERE'S SOME LITTLE SOMETHING
TO DO!
Does it matter that this waste of time
Is what makes a LIFE for you? Hmmmmm?
I must plummet boldly
forward
To my ULTRA-AVANT
Laminated,
Simulated
Replica-mahogany desk,
With the strategically-placed,
Imported, very hip water pipe,
And the latest edition of the
WHOLE EARTH CATALOG,
And rack my agile mind
For a spectacular
NEW TREND,
Thereby rejuvenating our limping
economy,
And providing
For bored & miserable people
everywhere
Some great new
'THING'
To identify with.!
WE HAVE GOT THE LITTLE ANSWERS
TO THE THINGS
THAT MIGHT` BE BOTHERING YOU!
WE HAVE GOT YOUR LITTLE TOYS!
(WE'RE BUSY MAKIN' 'EM!)
BUSY MAKIN' 'EM,
WE'RE BUSY MAKIN' 'EM,
BUSY MAKIN' 'EM
JUST FOR YOU!
Yoo-hoo-hoo!
Very efficient. Miss Snodgrass!
And with that.
GREGCERY turned
And strode nonchalantly
Into his dinky little office
With the desk and the catalog
And the very hip water pipe.
And proceeded,
With a vigor and determination
Known only to piglets
Of a similarly diminutive
proportion,
To single-handedly invent
THE CALENDAR!
With his eye rolled heaven-ward.
and his little shiny pig-hoofs on the
desk, GREGGERY ponders the
question of ETERNITY (and fractional
divisions thereof), as mysterious
ANGELIC VOICES sing to him from a
great distance, providing the
necessary clues for the construction of
this thrilling new TREND!
SUNDAY
Sunday?
WOW!
SUNDAY,
'MONDAY
SUNDAY,
SATURDAY. . .TUESDAY THROUGH
- MONDAY'!
SATURDAY. . .
And thus THE CALENDAR,
In all of its colorful disguises
Was presented to
The bored & miserable people
Everywhere!
GREGCERY issued a memo on it.
Whereupon the entire contents
of the Steno Pool
Identified with it STRENUOUSLY,
And WORSHIPPED IT as a WAY OF LIFE,
And took their little Pills by it.
And went back 'n forth from
work by it.
And paid their rent by it,
And before long they were even
having
BIRTHDAY PARTIES IN THE OFFICE
by it,
Because NOW. AT LAST,
CRECGERY PECCARY's exciting new
invention
Had made it possible
For everyone
To find out
HOW OLD THEY WERE!
What hath GOD wrought?
Unfortunately,
There were some people
Who simply DID NOT WISH TO
KNOW,
And that's why,
On his way home from the office
one night,
GREGGERY was attacked
By a RAGE OF HUNCHMEN!
Making his way through the
evening traffic, GREGGERY notices
that the other vehicles which
crowd and bump his little red car
are all inhabited by slowly-aging
'VERY HIP YOUNG PEOPLE',
They appear to be casting
sinister glances toward him
through their glinting acid burn-
out eyeballs, trying to run him
off the road, or make him bump into
something, giving strong evidence
of HOSTILE AGGRESSION!
To elude them, GREGGERY takes the
SHORT FOREST EXIT off the express-
way. They zoom after him in all
manner of cars. trucks,
garishly-painted buses, and
motorcycles.
GREGGERY takes a bumpy trail
off the main SHORT FOREST ROAD,
which leads him up the side
of a FAMOUS (and convenientlv
placed) MOUNTAIN, and into a strange
cave on the edge of a cliff, not far
from a LITTLE TWISTED TREE. . .with
eyes on it.
Meanwhile, the enraged HUNCHMEN
(and HUNCH-'WOMEN) rumble
through the SHORT FOREST until
(realizing the little swine has
escaped, they decide to park their
steaming vehicles in a circular
pseudo-Wagon Train formation. . .
and have a LOVE-IN!
Under the influence of a fantastic
amount of TRENDY CHEMICAL AMUSEMENT
AID, they proceed to perform lewd
acts, rip each other off for small
personal possessions, and dance
with depraved abandon in the vicinity
of a six-foot pile of transistor radios
each one tuned to a different station).
WHAT?
The HUNCHMEN finally expire
from exhaustion,
And GREGGERY,
Who has viewed the proceedings
From a safe distance,
Breathes a sigh of relief. . .
Phew!
Only to be terrified once again
By a roar of immense laughter. . .
HO! HO! HO!
Which seems to be rumbling up
From the very depths of the cave
In which he has hidden his car!
(Good lord! What was that!?)
GRECGERY doesn't realize
He has concealed himself
Inside the very mouth of
BILLY THE MOUNTAIN!
HO! HO! HO!
And, as you all know,
Whenever BILLY laughs,
Rocks and boulders hack up,
And the air for miles around
Is filled with tons of dust,
Forming a series of huge
BROWN CLOUDS!
WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS?
WHO IS MAKING THOSE CLOUDS THESE DAYS?
HO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS?
BETTER ASK A PHILOSTOPHER 'N SEE WHAT HE SAYS!
GREGGERY stops at a gas station
And makes a mysterious phone
IS THIS THE OLD LOFT
WITH THE PAINT PEELIN' OFF IT
BY THE CHINESE POLICE
HERE THE DOGS ROLL BY?
IS THIS HERE THEY KEEP
THE PHILOSTOPHERS NOW,
WITH THE RUGS & THE DUST,
WHERE THE BOOKS GO TO DIE?
HOW MANY YEZ GOT?
SAY YEZ GOT QUITE A FEW,
JUST SITTIN' AROUND THERE
WITH NOTHIN' TO DO?
WELL I JUST CALLED YEZ UP
'CAUSE I WANTED TO SEE
A PILOSTOPER BE OF ASSISTANCE
TO ME!
GREGCERY receives information
that
'The Greatest Livin PHILOSTOPHER
Knon to Mankind'
Is currently in possession of the
very information
In question,
And, furthermore, this information
could be HIS,
If only GREGGERY would attend a
'SPECIAL THERAPEUTIC GROUP
ASSEMBLY'
(Classes now forming),
And available at a special
low introductory fee. . .
And now, here he is,
'The Greatest Living PHILOSTO-
PHER Known to Mankind',
QUENTIN ROBERT DeNAMELAND!
Take it away!
"Folks,
As vou can see for yourself.
The way this clock over here
is behaving,
TIME IS OF AFFLICTION!
Now this might be cause for alarm
Among a portion of you, as,
From a certain experience,
I TEND TO PROCLAIM:
'THE EONS ARE CLOSING'!"
Make your checks payable to
-25.8-
'QUENTIN ROBERT DeNAMELAND,
Greatest Livin Philostopher
Known to Mankind'!
WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS?
WHO IS MAKING THOSE CLOUDS THESE DAYS?
WHO IS MAKING THOSE NEW BROWN CLOUDS?
IF YOU ASK A PILOSTOPHER, HE'LL SEE

Top Frank Zappa, Sleeping In A Jar

Top Frank Zappa, Tengo Na Minchia Tanta

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals, percussion)
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (electric bass)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Bunk Gardner (piccolo, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, soprano saxophone, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone, bassoon)
Ian Underwood (electric organ, piano, harpsichord, celeste, flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Arthur Tripp (drums, timpani, vibes, marimba, xylophone, wood blocks, bells, small chimes)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, tambourine)
Ruth Komanoff (marimba, vibes)
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Devi usare un pollo, devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi tastar
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi misurar
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi tastar
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Guarda che se la mangia(4)
E mentre se la sta a pappa'
Chiedimi che cosa fa
Se la sta a succhia'
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Devi usare un pollo
Devi usare ... se la vuoi misurar
Devi usare un pollo
Se me la vuoi tastar
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Come on baby
Come on baby, suck my fire!
Oh yeah
Guarda che se la mangia
Tengo na minchia accussi'
Guarda che se la mangia
Mentre se la sta a pappa'
Chiedimi che cosa fa
E' chiaro! se la sta a succhia'
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Guarda che se la mangia
Guarda che se la mangia
E se la sta a pappa'
Darling, darling, darling
Look at your sister
Do something like that, thanks
Devi usare un pollo
Devi usarlo per misurar
Devi usare un pollo
Cosi' me la potrai succhiar
Ooh, you both suckin' stereo
Jesus
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia accussi'
Tengo na minchia tanta, tengo na minchia tanta

Top Frank Zappa, The Air

Top Frank Zappa, The Uncle Meat Variations

Top Frank Zappa, The Voice Of Cheese

Top Frank Zappa, We Can Shoot You

Top Frank Zappa, It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal

Frank Zappa (acoustic guitar)
Tony Duran (slide guitar)
Jeff Simmons (hawaiian guitar, vocals)
"Sneaky Pete" Kleinow (pedal steel)
Sal Marquez (trumpet, vocals)
Janet Ferguson (vocals)
Erroneous (electric bass, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums, tambourine)
If the froggy come up-a with his
Satchel in his hand,
Then he reachs in the front and
Dump a mile of sand
Across the rug, along the hall
Up to the umbrella stand
That you've been watchin' all the time
Watchin' all the time
And if a forest grows up
From the dirt on the floor,
Then the frog with the satchel had just
Dumped beside the door.
You just startin' to get worried,
You ain't going out no more
And it's confusin' to your mind ----
Just consider this:
You can be scared when it gets too real
You can be scared when it gets too real
But you should be diggin' it
While it's happening. (Yes!)
But you should be diggin' it
While it's happening
'cause iy just might be
A one-shot deal
You can be lost
And you can wanna be found.
But keep an eye on that frog
Whenever he jump around
Just keep a-watchin' him
You oughta be watchin' him
Just keep a-watchin' him
You wanna be watchin' him
And see if he has brought along

Top Frank Zappa, Your Mouth

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Tony Duran (slide guitar)
George Duke (tack piano)
Sal Marquez (trumpet, vocals)
Chris Peterson (vocals)
Joel Peskin (tenor saxophone)
Mike Altschul (baritone saxophone, piccolo)
Erroneous (electric bass)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Your mouth is your religion.
You put your faith in a hole like that?
You put your trust and your belief
Above your jaw, and no relief
Have I found.
I heard your story when you come home
You said you went to see your sister last night.
Well, you might loose a bunch of teeth
And find a funeral wreath
While you'll be laying in the ground
All alone
So tell me where are you coming from
With all them lines
As you stumble in at the breakin' of the day.
Where are you coming from, my shot-gun say
Because he just might want to blow you away
'cause he just might want to blow you away
An evil woman, can make ya cry
If you believe her every time she lies
Well you can be a big fool
If she makes you loose your cool, and so
I've got me some advice you should try
Just let her talk a little
Just let her talk a little more
Just... let her talk a little more
And when she runs out of words
Just say the same thing that I told you before...
Tell me where are you coming from
With all them lines
As you stumble in at the breakin' of the day.
Where are you coming from, my shot-gun say
Because he just might want to blow you away

Top Frank Zappa, Yo Mama

Top Frank Zappa, You Didn't Try To Call Me (In Album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets)

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
You didn't try to call me, why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad) you're the one babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worried my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
And you didn't try, you didn't try, you didn't try
You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try, I'm so lonely
No metter who I take home, I keep calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad) You're the one babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
I can't say what's wrong or what's right
All you've gotta do is call me babe
You make me feel so excited girl
I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met
That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears
from running down my face
I'm all alone at my place
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me

Top Frank Zappa, Wonderful Tattoo!

Dear Jim and PFI,
Enclosed are photos of my cock
And the wonderful tattoo John [Stackee] in Houston did for me.
We plan to continue the design on my balls the next time I'm in Houston.
I really enjoy PFIQ,
Someday I hope to visit L.A. and meet you.
Bob C.
2221-DCM
Dear PFIQ
Dear PFIQ friends
Dear Jim
Dear Jim and PFI
I still want it
I have come to a decision
For those that believe than . . . that bigger is better
Marine hardware stores carry a full line
Of stainless steel rings.
Enclosed are photos.
I just wanted to reassure a woman
Who want nipples pierced
I, frankly
Would rather have a fakir
I will send you a few other pictures as soon as I get them
2376
237-O
3134
2221
Plan
De-sign on my balls
The next time I'm in Houston
I really enjoy PFIQ
Someday I hope to visit L.A.
And meet you!
The only thing that surprises me
Is that every year I have the urge to have another hole
Do you think, Jim
That a gynaecologist
With the aid of your magazine could do a clit hood piercing?
Possibly one day the ultimate experience can be realized
I believe we are witnessing the evolution of a new type of man,
The quintessential being, a person who is totally modern
While at the same time primitive in desires and spirit
I feel this combination is rare in today society.
This type of person has the desire to get things done and it's...
This attribute will help both sides achieve
I'm seeking the quintessential man for myself
Through piercing, tattoos and education.
Possibly one day the ultimate experience can be realized.
My last sexual partner like the jewelry on most occasions
But not all
And I accidentally left the impaling jewelry out of all one night
And half the next day.

Top Frank Zappa, Ya Hozna

Not sure if its correct, because Ya Hozna is backwards singing.
Sung backwards:
I AM THE HEAVEN
I AM THE WATER
ICH BIN DER DRECK UNTER DEINEN WALZEN
ICH BIN DEIN GEHEIMER SCHMUTZ
UND VERLORENES METALLGELD
ICH BIN DEINE RITZE
ICH BIN DEINE RITZE UND SCHLITZE
I AM THE CLOUDS
I AM EMBROIDERED
ICH BIN DER AUTOR ALLER FALTEN
UND DAMAST PASPELN
ICH BIN DER CHROME DINETTE
ICH BIN DER CHROME DINETTE
ICH BIN EIER ALLER ARTEN
ICH BIN ALLE TAGE UND NAECHTE
ICH BIN ALLE TAGE UND NAECHTE
ICH BIN HIER
UND DU BIST MEIN SOFA
ICH BIN HIER
UND DU BIST MEIN SOFA
ICH BIN HIER
UND DU BIST MEIN SOFA
ORIGINAL:
I AM THE HEAVEN
I AM THE WATER
I AM THE DIRT BENEATH YOUR ROLLERS
I AM YOUR SECRET SMUT
AND LOST METAL MONEY DOWN YOUR CRACKS
I AM YOUR CRACKS & CRANNIES
I AM THE CLOUDS
I AM EMBROIDERED
I AM THE AUTHOR OF ALL TUCKS
AND DAMAST PIPING
I AM THE CHROME DINETTE
I AM THE CHROME DINETTE
I AM EGGS OF ALL PERSUASIONS
I AM ALL DAYS & NIGHTS
I AM ALL DAYS & NIGHTS
I AM ALL DAYS & NIGHTS
I AM ALL DAYS & NIGHTS
I AM HERE
AND YOU ARE MY SOFA
I AM HERE
AND YOU ARE MY SOFA
I AM HERE

Top Frank Zappa, Willie The Pimp Part One

[includes part of Latex Solar Beef]
Mud Shark
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids mama),
Steam roller
(Gooey piles, baby!)

Top Frank Zappa, Wind Up Working In A Gas Station

This here song might offend you some
If it does, it's because you're dumb
That's the way it is where I come from
If you've been there too, let me see your thumb
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're dumb
Hey now, better make a decision
Be a moron and keep your position
You oughta know now all your education
Won't help you no-how, you're gonna . . .
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Top Frank Zappa, Mr. Green Genes

Top Frank Zappa, Our Bizarre Relationship

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals, percussion)
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (electric bass)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Bunk Gardner (piccolo, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, soprano saxophone, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone, bassoon)
Ian Underwood (electric organ, piano, harpsichord, celeste, flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Arthur Tripp (drums, timpani, vibes, marimba, xylophone, wood blocks, bells, small chimes)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, tambourine)
Ruth Komanoff (marimba, vibes)
Bizarre Cheese:
Bizarre
No-one could ever understand our bizarre relationship because that was your intellectual frigid housekeeper.
Especially when you'd be going to bed with one chick at night and I wake up in the morning and find another one there, screaming at me.^LI asked you what the fuck that chick was doing in your bed and I walked in and you weren't with the same one you were in the night before.
Oh, I'll never forget that, as long as I live. That house where you had your shit all over. And we had a cat, it had fleas and we had lots of crabs that we proceeded to give to everyone in Laurel Canyon except for Elmore and Phil, because they were too sick to ball. Elmore has a mentality of approximately one peanut, possibly. As a matter of fact, I can remember Elmore telling me that he really had a lot of talent, but he didn't see how anyone could ever make it that insisted on saying FUCK on stage. And he used to drive by in his gold Cadillac and peer in the window. 'Cause he never could get over the United Groupies Status that, that you had and he didn't. Possibly because he is 50 years old and ratchet.

Top Frank Zappa, Zomby Woof

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ralph Humphrey (drums)
Sal Marquez (trumpet, vocals)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer)
Ruth Underwood (marimba, vibes, percussion)
Ian Underwood (flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone)
Jean-Luc Ponty (violin, baritone violin)
Ricky Lancelotti (vocals)
Three hunderd years ago
Thought I might get some sleep
Stretched myself out onna antique bed
An' my spirit did a midnight creep
You know I'll never sleep no more
To me it seem that is just ain't wise
Didja ever wake up in the mornin'
With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes
I am the ZOMBY WOOF
I'm the creature all the ladies been
Talkin' about
I am the ZOMBY WOOF
They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF
Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is...
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
The said aw-reety
An' they was aw-righty
An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady...
I got a great big pointed fang
Which is my Zomby Toof
My right foot is bigger than my other one is
Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof
If I raid your dormitorium
Don't try to remain aloof...
I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid
An' do it to you on the roof, don't mess with the
ZOMBY WOOF
I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!
Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF
Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Top Frank Zappa, No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Lowell George (guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
So beerage (?), there's my all time favorite though, instantly. There's no waiting for the peanuts to dissolve.
Thats two-fifty
Somebodys
They don't have one of my all-time favorites. It's really upsetting.

Top Frank Zappa, You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You!

Mike: You're just insulting me, aren't you? It's not funny, man
Ali: . . . tabii ya, tabii, tabii . . . eh, eh . . .
Mike: It's not funny . . . It ain't funny. He's just been talking about me for ten minutes
Moon: . . . be alone . . . with yourself inside a piano or . . . whatever . . . your piano . . . it's . . . it's really a metaphor for that . . . that spirit . . . that feeling of oneness . . .
Ali: Siz saatlerce, saatlerce konusuyorsunuz burada, yani, . . . artik biktim burasindan, be! Oturup boyle birsey . . . birsey bulsak da biz simidi, yani . . .
Moon: It's, It's . . . it's . . . fulfillment . . .
Mike: Fulfillment. I got something fulfilling, baby
Moon: The sages talk about this . . .
Ali: . . . sen soyleme . . .
Mike: Hey, yo my man . . . Hey, yo my man . . . worrrr d'up man . . . worrrrr d'up!
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: This is a piano
Ali: Des is a piano
Todd: And why are we in it?
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: A piano!
Ali: A piano . . . des is a piano . . .
Mike: Piano!
Ali: Klavier
Todd: Oh! I thought it was the men's room . . .
Mike: Piano!
Moon: Piano
Ali: Das es kein Computer
Mike: This ain't a computer!
Ali: Das es kein Computer! I sag des so oft, bis die des merken, verstehst . . .
Moon: Piano . . . that's a beautiful word. It can take you to that place inside yourself where you . . .
Mike: You still talking about the place but you ain't thinking about dis place: the piano!
Todd: Piano! Piano!
Moon: What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter how you get here
Gilly: That's it exactly, I guess. About Tom, no, no but to me all different . . . um . . . but I guess Tom was a human-is a human being with . . . feelings and sorrows and happinesses, as everyone else, but Tom would only show me so much
SNORK!
Spider: But is this a pregnant sow before me?
SNORK!
Spider: By the sound of the snork, I would gesture to say . . . I find myself turning into a pony

Top Frank Zappa, Yo Cats

Top Frank Zappa, That Would Be The End Of That

Spider: We can get our strength up by making some music
John: That's right
Monica: Yeah . . . yeah
John: But the thing is, you know what?
Spider: What?
John: We don't even understand our own music
Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength
John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
Spider: We'd get more strength from it if we understood it?
John: Yeah
Spider: No, I don't think so, because - see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it
John: Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that

Top Frank Zappa, Holding The Group Back

Top Frank Zappa, Holiday In Berlin

Top Frank Zappa, Epilogue

Top Frank Zappa, Help, I'm A Rock

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Help I'm a rock, help I'm a rock, help I'm a rock!
Ahahahahahahaaa
Help I'm a rock, help I'm a rock, help I'm a rock!
Somebody, please, please!
Help I'm a rock, help I'm a rock...
Wow man, it's a drag being a rock
Help I'm a rock...
I wish I was anything but a rock
Heck, I'd even like to be a policeman
Hey, you know what, you know maybe if I practised, you know
Maybe if I passed my driving test
I could get a gig drivin' that bus and pick some freaks up
In front of Ben Franks, right!
Help I'm a cop, help I'm a cop, help I'm a cop!
(Help I'm a rock...), help I'm a cop, help I'm a cop!
It's a drag being a cop, I think I'd rather be the mayor
Always wondered what I was gonna be when I grew up, you know
Always wondered whether or not, whether or not I could make it,
You know, in society, because,
You know, it's a drag when you're rejected
So I tore the cover off a book of matches and I sent in
And I got this letter back that said, UHU, AHA
It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple a times, hmmmmmmmm
And I'm telling you
It can't happen here
Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here
Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Kansas...
Kansas Kansas tototototodo
Kansas Kansas tototototodo
Kansas Kansas
Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota...
Mimimimimimimi Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota
Who could imagine...
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in Washington, D.C.
D.C. D.C. D.C. D.C. D.C.
It can't happen here
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
It can't happen here
It can't happen here
Everybody's safe and it can't happen here
No freaks for us
It can't happen here
Everybody's clean and it can't happen here
No, no, it won't happen here
I'm telling you it can't
It won't happen here
(Bop bop didi bop didi bop bop bop)
Plastic folks, you know
It won't happen here
You're safe, mama
You're safe, baby
You just cook a TV dinner
And you make it
(Bop bop bop)
No no no no
Oh, we're gonna get a TV dinner and cook it up
Go get a TV dinner and cook it up
Cook it up
Oh, and it won't happen here
(No no no no no no no no no no no
Man you guys are really safe
Everything's cool).
Who could imagine
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in the suburbs!
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool.
And they thought it couldn't happen here
(duh duh duh duh duh)
They knew it couldn't happen here
They were so sure it couldn't happen here
But...
Suzie...
Yes yes yes--I've always felt that
Yes I agree man, it really makes it...yeah...
It's a real THING, man
And it really makes it
(Makes it)
Suzie, you just got to town,
And we've been, we've been very interested
In your development.
Forget it!
Hmmmmmmmmm

Top Frank Zappa, Like It Or Not

Top Frank Zappa, Oh No

Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, snorks)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet, flugel horn)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Don Preston (piano, organ, electronic effects)
Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (electric violin)
Lowell George (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray Collins (vocals)
Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
You say love is all we need
You say
With your love you can change
All of the fools
All of the hate
I think you're probably
Out to lunch
Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say that you really know
I think
You should check it again
How can you say
What you believe
Will be the key to a
World of love?
All your love -
Will it save me?
All your love -
Will it save the world
From what we can't understand
Oh no
I don't believe it
And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet saving the world
The words from your lips
I just can't believe you are such

Top Frank Zappa, King Kong

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Aaaah...
Bidet!
Bloooow-job?
Bidet!
Jambon
Bloooow-job?
Bidet! Bidet! Bidet!...
Blow-job! Blow-job! Blow-job!...
Jambon...jambon... ... Thank you
Oh thank you, you're really too kind
Thank you, thank you so much
Thank you, thank you
Blow-job
Help out, ladies and gentlemen
Oui!
I bet: oui, oui
And now for the next part of our program,
I'd like to present, ah...Blow-job!
Blow-job! Bidet! Jambon!...
Jambon...jambon...
Bidet!...
I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I want a nun!
I want a nun!
I want a burrow in the broad daylight
I want a garden!
I want a nun!
I want a garden!
Just like the garden that that asshole came up here on the stage
And sang about, three years ago...
He came up out of the audience,
He said: "I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I wanna water it with my tears..."

Top Frank Zappa, Let's Make The Water Turn Black

Top Frank Zappa, Call Any Vegetable

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
(Cheesey, Cheesey)
(This is a song about vegetables, they keep ya regular
They're real good for yo)
Call any vegetable Call it by name
Call one today When you get off the train
Call any vegetable And the chances are good
Aw, The vegetable will respond to you
(Some people don't go for prunes...I
don't know, I've always found that if they...)
Call any vegetable Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable Lonely at home
Call any vegetable And the chances are good
That a vegetable will respond to you
Rutabaga, Rutabaga,
Rutabaga, Rutabaga,
Rutabay-y-y-y...
(A prune isn't really a vegetable...
CABBAGE is a vegetable...)
No one will know
If you don't want to let them know
No one will know
'Less it's you that might tell them so
Call and they'll come to you
Covered with dew
Vegetables dream, Of responding to you
Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your hand while the neighbors decide

Top Frank Zappa, Agency Man

Top Frank Zappa, Jeff Quits

Jeff: This is what I joined for. This I don't think is pretty good.
FZ: In other words, you don't wanna be in the movie
Jeff: Yeah
FZ: You're sure?
Jeff: Mm-mh
FZ: Is there anybody else that doesn't want to be in the movie? . . . Is there anything specific that you don't like about the script?
Jeff: No . . . in fact my part is the best part of the movie, I think . . .
FZ: You have the biggest part
Jeff: I didn't know how far this could go
FZ: And why do you think it went so far?
Jeff: It was probably boiled in ammonia
Mark: I'm curious to know why -like I asked you this morning-, why puts you out so much to do it, man? Unless you're just a little afraid that what you gotta say is too much what you'd say, anyway?
Jeff: It is what I'd say, it's exactly, it's there!
Mark: So you . . . why you're afraid to say to the people out there what you've been saying to us for months?
Jeff: I'm not afraid to say it to the people out there, I'm just afraid to be in this band anymore
Mark: Why?
FZ: The lines that are in this film are based on things I heard people say for years, all the way back to the very beginning, you know? I don't think anybody should have any objection to say any of those things, because you're playing yourself
Jeff: Should I trim the scene?
FZ: Sure

Top Frank Zappa, Jawaka

instrumental

Top Frank Zappa, Lil' Clanton Shuffle

[Don 'Sugar Cane' Harris violin
FZ guitar
Ian Underwood Fender Rhodes
Unknown [probably Max Bennett] bass
John Guerin drums]
....

Top Frank Zappa, Library Card

[...]
Library bar-code, PE label
Student must carry this card at all times,
And present upon demand for identification
This card are not while currently [enrolled pony]
You may be liable for any unauthorized use of this card prior to notifying the used card office
In writing, of possible unauthorized use due to loss or theft
I agree to comply with all library regulations
And to assume responsability for all use made of this card
(Oh-hoh)

Top Frank Zappa, Kung Fu

George Duke keyboard
Ruth Underwood percussion
Bruce Fowler trombone
Tom Fowler bass
Chester Thompson drums
Ralph Humphrey drums]
....

Top Frank Zappa, King Kong (Live On A Flat Bed Diesel In The Middle Of A Race Track

[includes a quote from Crazy Words - Crazy Tune (Yellen/Ager)]
Vo-do-de-oh-do . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Kennys Booger Story

Kenny Williams (vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Kenny:
Before, uh while I was away in boarding school lived with Ronnie by the name of Dwight Demith. Uh, used to live there with Ronnie an' they would uh, instead of blowing their nose on a handkerchief they would, uh, stick their finger up in their nose and uh, pull out all their boogers an' smear em' on the window. Uh, I don't know, I always thought it was crazy, an' it didn't look good, an' after a while, I mean you couldn't see out the window! He-hunh!
Did you ever do that?
Kenny:

Top Frank Zappa, Kaiser Rolls (Du Jour)

This is a story, tell it quick as I can
A week ago, I met a stumbler man
He stumbled up, he said, "All I wanna know,
How far the hratche-plche Kaiser Rolls"
I begged his pardon, should have turned and ran,
So hard talking to a stumbler man
He stumbled over, and over again
"The Kaiser hratche Rolls since time began"
Raised my finger from the center of my hand,
Tried to wave farewell to the stumbler man
He slobbered 'n puked in a garbage can
"The Kaiser hratche Rollin' might raise some sand"
Pushed him aside as he was slowin' my plan
So hard to understand a real stumbler man
Some stuff from his nose, crawled over his clothes, he said,
"Nobody ever tells me which way he goes"
Kaiser rolls 'n rolls 'n rolls
Kaiser rolls, and Kaiser rolls
Surprise to me they ain't catched him yet,
HOW'S ABOUT A DOLLAR FOR SOME CIGARETTE?

Top Frank Zappa, Kaiser Rolls

This is a story, tell it quick as I can
A week ago, I met a stumbler man
He stumbled up, he said, "All I wanna know,
How far the hratche-plche Kaiser Rolls"
I begged his pardon, should have turned and ran,
So hard talking to a stumbler man
He stumbled over, and over again
"The Kaiser hratche Rolls since time began"
I raised my finger from the center of my hand,
Tried to wave farewell to the stumbler man
He slobbered 'n puked (PUGH!) in a garbage can
"The Kaiser hratche Rollin' might raise some sand"
Pushed him aside as he was slowin' my plan
So hard to understand a real stumbler man
Some stuff from his nose, crawled over his clothes, he said,
"Nobody ever tells me which way he goes"
Kaiser rolls 'n rolls 'n rolls
Kaiser rolls, and Kaiser rolls
Surprise to me they ain't catched him yet,

Top Frank Zappa, Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
A year ago today
Was when you went away
But now you come back knockin' on my door
And you say you're back to stay,
But I say...
Go cry
On somebody else's shoulder
I'm somewhat wiser now
And one whole year older
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore
You cheated me baby,
And told some dirty lies about me
Fooled around with all those other guys
That's why I had to set you free
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore
A year ago today
You went away
And now you come back crying
Crying, crying: please, let me in
But I don't need you
No I don't love you anymore
So go lean on...go cry on
Somebody else's door
Go cry
On somebody else's shoulder
I'm somewhat wiser now
And one whole year older
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore (Oh, my darling!)
(Spoken:)
Go ahead and cry
Go ahead and let the tears fall outa your eye
Let 'em fall on your dress
Who cares if it makes a mess?
I gave you my high school ring
At the root beer stand
We had a teen-age love baby
I thought it was sharp
It was really so grand...but
You cheated me baby
And told some dirty lies about me
Fooled around with all those other guys
That's why I had to get my khakis pressed
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore
(Spoken:)
Baby, I love you so much, darling
Why don't you dig me?
I dig you
But you don't dig me
I don't understand what it is
I had my car re-upholstered
I got my hair processed
I got a nice pompadour job on it
I bought a new pair of shoes
I got some new khakis and I met you

Top Frank Zappa, Them Or Us

Top Frank Zappa, Champagne Lecture

FZ: You know, a lotsa of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, 'What can I say? What can a person who is new to the Midwest say to a vegetable?'
Howard: Suss it out, wankers!
Mark: Suss it out, wankers!
Mark & Howard: Suss it out, wankers!
Jeff: Suss it out, wankers
FZ: Suss it out, wankers!
Mark & Howard: Suss it out, wankers!
Aynsley: Suss it out, wankers . . . what's the matter with you?
Howard: Aynsley Dunbar!
FZ: And after sussed it out, wankers . . .
Mark: Ok
FZ: You go and get yourself a big bottle of champagne!
Mothers: AAAH!
FZ: Find yourself a young vegetable victim!
Mothers: Yeah!
FZ: Take your young vegetable victim . . . Step one, now this is very important, you have to do it exactly this way. Bring the band on down behind me, boys, this gets technnical! First: You get a Polaroid camera . . .
Mothers: Yeah!
FZ: And you make one good jump, from a balcony to another balcony on the seventh floor of the Sheraton Hotel in Jacksonville
Howard: Aynsley Dunbar, ladies and gentlemen
FZ: When you land on the other balcony with your Polaroid camera, something like this . . .
Mothers: Heeey!
FZ: Shoot off one good flashbulb catching . . . The agent will immediately turn around and say, 'You know, I sure would like to have that photograph.' You walk up to the agent and say, 'Well, ha, funny you should mention it, I have this photograph here and just about time to develop it, yes it turned out great, it shows both of you here, and I'll give you this photograph if you'll give me the munchkin vegetable that you're with in order that I might make a few more pictures . . . ' So you make a quick trade, holding the champagne bottle in abeyance until the rest of the members of your band have jumped over the same balcony . . .
Mothers: Eeeeeeeeh!
FZ: And come in and taken their places around the bed where the munchkin vegetable is laid out, posing: Leg up in the air and legs down, legs to the side. Then, after some deft manipulation of the vital parts of the munchkin vegetable . . .
Jeff: Hey, I want some baby to hold my tool and squeeze it
FZ: With one masterful stroke -you might use several masterful strokes- shake up the magnum of champagne to a foamy froth, holding your thumb over the end of it . . .
Aynsley: No, no, no . . . not the cork in, Frank, you pull the cork out . . . Suss it out, wankers!
Howard: They're a hip audience, Frank, they know what's gonna happen next!
FZ: After the band has given you their complete attention, and is watching closely for the precise moment of the detonation of the alcoholic beverage into the vital organ, you give a sort of casual glance around the bedroom of the Sheraton, a suave little smile and wink one eye, adjust your bow tie, and just stuff it right in there!
Mothers: Aaaah!
FZ: And then you tell 'em how you feel. You whip it right out, take a snort off of it . . .
Howard: How do you feel?
Mark: Aynsley Dunbar . . .
FZ: No, no, no . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Carolina Hard core Ecstasy (In Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 4)

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon
She wore a Milton Bradley Crayon
But she was something I could lay on,
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
She put a Doobie Brothers tape on
Ooh, ooh, ooh listen to the music
I had a Roger Daltrey cape on oo-wee-oo
A Roger Daltrey cape on, ooh ooh
There was a bed I dumped her shape on
Can't remember what became of me . . .
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
Somewhat later on I woke up and she was gone
There was dew out on the lawn in the sunrise
Later she came back with a rumpled paper sack
Which she told me would contain a surprise
She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom
Said she knew Id be surprised she got em
Take a Charleston . . . pip . . . to spot em
Then she gave a pair of shoes to me . . .
Plastic leather, 14 Triple D
I said: I wonder whats the shoes for
She told me: Dont you worry no more
And got right down there on the tile floor:
Now darling
STOMP ALL OVER ME!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
Is this something new having people stomp on you?
Is it what I need to do for your pleasure?
(And other things)
What is this, a quiz?
Dont you worry what it is
It is merely just a moment
I can treasure
You know
By ten oclock
Her arms and legs were rendered
She couldnt talk cause her
Mouth had been extendered
It looked to me as though she had been blendered
What was this abject misery, no no
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy, weh-hell
What was this abject misery, no no
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
It might seem strange to Herb and Dee
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

Top Frank Zappa, Carol, You Fool

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Thank you!
Oh Carol!
Oh Carol!
You was a fool
Carol, you fool
You was a fool
Carol, you fool
Carol, you fool
Don't you know you're crazy
He won't be true
But your mind's a little hazy
He'll break your heart
Don't let it start
But if you think it's better
Go ahead and buy 'm a sweater
Carol, you fool
You think you got it so bad
(Thank you!)
Tryin' to steel some money
Just to get some more of what you had
And he's got the dog
And he has no log
No, he won't come back
So put away your black-jack
You wanna try
(You wanna try)
To rob some Mexican guy
(To rob a Mexican guy)
Beat him on the head
(Oh, you beat him on his head)
Maybe make him dead
(You just might make him dead)
Just so you can fly
(Oh, you wanna fly)
From Pittsburgh out to see him
(You said you really gotta see him)
Carol, you're a foolish fool
(Carol, oh-oh, girl!)
You don't really need him
Carol Carol
Carol Carol
Fool Fool
Fool
Carol, you fool
You wanna try
(You say that you wanna try)
(To rob some Mexican guy)
To rob some Mexican guy
(To rob a Mexican guy)
(You wanna beat him on his head)
Beat him on the head
(Please, don't beat him on his head, girl)
(But they wanna make him dead
and he wants me to ...)
Maybe make him dead
(You just might make him dead)
Just so you can fly
(You say you gotta gotta fly)
From Pittsburgh out to see him
(Ooh, you really gotta see him)
Carol, you're a foolish fool
(Carol, oh-oh, girl!)
You don't really need him
Carol, you fool
I think you better try again
Carol, you fool
Don't wanna see you cry again
He's gone away
What can you say?
Carol, you fool
You'll meet another engineer
You was a fool
(Car, Carol, you fool)
Carol, you fool
(Carol, you foolish girl)
You was a fool
(Oh Carol, you ah ah ah...)
Carol, you fool
(Carol, you foolish, foolish girl)
You was a fool
(Oh Carol, you fool)
Carol, you fool

Top Frank Zappa, Canarsie

[basic track:
Guitar solo probably from Easy Meat
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 19, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
overdubs:
Village Recorders
Spring, 1979
engineer: Joe Chiccarelli
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo electric sitar
Patrick O'Hearn bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
Canarsie, where everyone looks the same . . .

Top Frank Zappa, City Of Tiny Lites

Top Frank Zappa, Childish Perversions

?: Oh, still drinks it, man . . . what a man! Gotta prove himself!
?: Talk about childish perversions!
?: Where's Simmons?
?: It don't matter, he's in the, he's gettin' out of it, man, he's no. . .
Aynsley: He knew what he's got out, man
Howard: I'll get him in it . . .
Aynsley: Lemme, lemme tell you something . . .
Howard: Say, you give me the cue and you let me know when is safe . . .
Aynsley: Ok, man, I don't mind being poured on my head, when I'm saturate . . . you can pour it on my head, any time
Howard: I don't wanna pour it on your head, man
George: What I'm waiting for, man?
Aynsley: Just shut up, Georgie
?: There he is, man
Howard: Fucking creep, I can't even stand it! You, you're so child I can't even believe it, man!
Mark: For a year and a half you used to pour water over my head
Howard: Water! It's what . . . I could have stood water!
?: Well, what I'm saying is . . .
Howard: He did it to me
?: A little bit . . .
Howard: A little bit? Feel that! It's still wet, man!
?: Well, listen, [...] look at that
?: We'll listen, man
?: Take me
?: Take me
?: I don't wanna hear . . .
?: Take me!
?: Take me, I'm yours!
?: I'll take you late, man!
?: It don't mean anything now, man! I hear you ranting and raving and you were gonna get me, man
Mark: What are you saying, man?
?: I was up on the second floor of the stairs, he's goin', 'Wow, man!' [...] his voice it was getting uptight with eeeeeh!
Mark: What are you talking about, man? Nobody plotted to get you! You [...]
?: No, I mean just now!
Mark: You . . . Oh, that!
?: I didn't mean . . . No one plotted get me, no one wants to get me
Mark: Howard did
?: Now you do
Mark: I wanna get you . . . I'm gonna get you
?: Oh, yeah . . . get me, man

Top Frank Zappa, Charva

Frank Zappa (vocals, piano, bass, drums)
Charva, I loved you
I loved you through and through
I loved you since in grammar school
When we were sniffing glue
I loved you purty baby doll
And I don't know what in the world
to do about it
Boppa-bah-boppa-choo-wah
Charva, my darling
The only love I had
I hope you will forgive me dear
For punching out your dad
I loved you, I loved you
And I don't know what in the world
I'm gonna do about it
Ooohh-oh-oooh
Lahm-buh-buhm-buhm
I remember, remember the junior prom
And I remember the time I broke your father's arm
And I remember, remember all the love we shared
Every place and everywhere
Oh Charva, Charva
I love you more and more
I swear it aint because your father owns a liquor store
Charva, my baby
I love you and I don't know what to do about it
Oh-oh Charva
Ooooohh
Oh-oh Charva
Ooooohh
Come back my little darling Charva
I love you so much honey
Come back to me Charva
Please Charva, please come back to me

Top Frank Zappa, Chana In De Bushwop

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
hana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
She live in a tree
(They call her Chana in de Bushwop)
Nine foot three
(They call her Chana in de Bushwop)
Larger than me
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
And she's a mystery
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
They call her Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Where she goes...
Nobody knows She eats a horse
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
It's very large of course
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She wears a dog
(Chaka Chana in de Bushwop)
And she loves that frog
(Chaka Chana in de Bushwop)
They call her Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Where she goes...
Nobody knows Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Isn't that amazing???
She went to France
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
And she tried to dance
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She raised a big fuzz
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
In the back of the bus
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
Gonna go to it with a long loaf of bread
Made a big mistake when it turned and said:
"Chana in ze Bushwop
Hey! Nice volcano!
Chana in ze Bushwop
Ho ho ho!"
She banged his head
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
With a loaf of bread
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She had this sucker weepin'
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
'Bout that sausage he's keepin'
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
He stood there weepin' on the crumb
She said: "Isn't that amazing???" Oh!
That's right! ... Isn't that amazing???
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
(It's on the house tonight!)
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
From de Bushwop
Chana from de Bushwop
From de Bushwop
Ooh!
Where'd she go?
Well, I don't know!
Idaho!

Top Frank Zappa, Canard Du Jour

[Paramount Studios, LA
probably February-March, 1973
engineer: Kerry McNab
FZ bouzouki
Jean-Luc Ponty baritone violin
Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice]
[2:38]
Bozzio: Yeah . . .
O'Hearn: Kinda reminds you of home, doesn't it?

Top Frank Zappa, Buffalo Voice

Buffalo voice!
Buffalo voice!

Top Frank Zappa, You Didn't Try To Call Me (in album Cruising With

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
You didn't try to call me, why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad) you're the one babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worried my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
And you didn't try, you didn't try, you didn't try
You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try, I'm so lonely
No metter who I take home, I keep calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad) You're the one babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
I can't say what's wrong or what's right
All you've gotta do is call me babe
You make me feel so excited girl
I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met
That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears
from running down my face
I'm all alone at my place
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me

Top Frank Zappa, Cock-Suckers' Ball

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Hey, this is for all the Republicans in the audience!
Cock-sucker Tammy get your mother fuckin' dammy
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no
Goddam taxi here
We're gonna trim them holes in a
Rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game
Called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball
Come on you moe-ass singers and you
Mick dick slingers
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
'Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no
Goddam taxi here
We're gonna trim them holes in a
Rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game
Called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Tomorrow night at the Rock Cock-Suckers' Ball!

Top Frank Zappa, Love Of My Life

Top Frank Zappa, Stuff Up The Cracks

Top Frank Zappa, Jelly Roll Gum Drop

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
Baby don't you know now
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
The way you do the bop
Like a spinnin' top
The Pachuco Hop
And the L.A. Slop
You make a street car stop
At the soda shop
And my eye-balls pop
When I see my
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
Mama don't you know now
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
The way you boogie all night
You're my heart's delight
You know I wish I might
Get a tiny bite of your
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna Jelly Roll
Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah
Bop bop bah, Bop bop bah
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la
(Cough, cough, cough)
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
Baby don't you know now
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
The way you do the bop
Like a spinnin' top
The Pachuco Hop
And the L.A. Slop
You make a street car stop
At the soda shop
And my eye-balls pop
When I see my
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
Mama don't you know now
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, got my eyes on you
The way you boogie all night
You're my heart's delight
You know I wish I might
Get a tiny bite of your
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna
Jelly Roll Gum Drop, I wanna, I wanna

Top Frank Zappa, Later That Night

Top Frank Zappa, The Gumbo Variations

FZ: Take two
How many bars?
FZ: Uh . . . Why don't you count it off?
Alright
FZ: You start . . . You three start together on this
Alright
One . . . Two . . . One, two

Top Frank Zappa, I'm Not Satisfied (in album Cruising With Ruben &a;

Top Frank Zappa, Deseri

Top Frank Zappa, Fountain Of Love

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
It was September, the leaves were gold
That's when our hearts knew that story untold
We were young lovers, strolling near
The fountain of love, founttain of love
Do you remember, I held you so near
Our love's glowing ember so precious and dear
We were young lovers, strolling near
The fountain of love, the fountain of love
Fountain of love, fountain of love
We made a wish and threw in a coin
And since that day our hearts have been joined
So all you young lovers, wherever you are
The fountain of love is not very far
We'll go on dreaming of that golden day
And remember the fountain is not far away
We were young lovers strolling near
The fountain of love, fountain of love
Fountain of love, fountain of love
(spoken)
We made a wish and threw in a coin
And since that day, our hearts have been joined
So all you young lovers wherever you are
The fountain of love is not very far
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
Fountain of love, oooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo

Top Frank Zappa, The London Cab Tape

[London
Probably November 29, 1970]
Howard: This fucking guy is flipped out, man! I'll be locked up!
?: Who, me . . . ?
Yeah, you too!
?: It was anti-semitic of me to bring it up
?: Why, you don't like Jews, man?
?: Let me make it perfectly clear, [...] I don't mind that you are Jew, stay out . . . Take your Bar Mitzvah man, and shove it
?: I never had a Bar Mitzvah
?: You ever had a Yamulka, man?
?: No, I wore one once, though . . .
?: I knew it
?: What's wrong? You don't like 'em, man? That was [...] my cowboy hat . . .
?: [...] Just keep it out of my way, man, I don't wanna see that Yamulka on stage ever . . .
?: Uh . . . well, I don't know, man, that'd be sorta neat, not in this group of course, but tomorrow
?: Alright, alright . . .
?: Howard Kaylan World!
?: The Yamulka
FZ: Ha ha ha!
: Dear Frank, thanks for paying a hundred twenty three dollars for my meal in Amsterdam, which I hated!
?: I mean it, man
?: I really enjoy playing in your little own ensemble
?: For a day or so
?: Thanks for bringing a little slice of sunshine into my life
?: Thanks for showing me how sh . . . shitty the music business could really be, I thought I knew
?: Thanks for make [...] worst bass player in the world
?: After six months with the Mothers I figured I've lost everything I've ever had

Top Frank Zappa, The Madison Panty sniffing Festival

FZ: Well it's contest time ladies and gentlemen. Direct from Madison,
Wisconsin, it's the Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival, just as promised.
Vinnie: Cough!
FZ: Heavy duty? Maroon nylon heavy duty. Okay . . . Light blue cotton with tiny
skid . . . . That's getting him very excited because it appears that the bottom
parts of those pants are welded together. Okay let's try this, alice blue nylon
. . .
Vinnie: These smell like the same ones I had last night.
FZ: For those of you who didn't hear he says those smell like the same ones he
had last night. Did you like them? You don't like those?
Vinnie: Maybe they are, maybe she's following us around.
FZ: Black Nylon!
Vinnie: Ooooohhhh please!
FZ: Black Nylon, re . . . e-hem, registring a 19 on the Richter scale.
Vinnie: Oh, God . . . gotta keep on . . . hah hah, it's fuckin' disgusting!
FZ: These are very light blue and apparently have come in contact with some
corrosive material that has eaten the bottom out of it.
Vinnie: China syndrome.
FZ: What?
Vinnie: China Syndrome!
FZ: Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha! Awright, rustic hokey pokey, model number thirteen.
Vinnie: Oorhh, nehh. (hack, hack)
FZ: Blue with the little embroidered things on the front.
Vinnie: This smells like armpits. Ugh . . .
FZ: Okay who wins? Those belong to Chuck Eldridge.
Ike: Hi.

Top Frank Zappa, The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (In Album Thing fish)

Top Frank Zappa, The Motel Lobby

Howard: Sure, man, and I'll go until two and I'm gonna be in there supporting 'em, in fact I'll sit in with those guys. I'm into it, I'll sing a little 'Blue Moon . . . '
Mark: Hey man . . .
Dick: Listen, this is a nice place, man, it's got a beautiful room . . .
Howard: Don't give me that man, it's plastic city, it bites, the guy behind . . .
Dick: Relax and enjoy some of the wo-, wonderments of nature . . .
Howard: No no no no, the guy behind the desk is a werewolf. You can't give me any of that, the chick over there's been dead for twenty minutes. I'm hip to this place, I've seen 'em in my sleep, man
Dick: Hey, listen, I've never seen you this way, man
Howard: No, man, I'm not keyed at all
Dick: You're unpleasant
Howard: I'm not unpleasant! I can't wait to sign the card and check into my little closet. Unpack my leather cape, hang it up on the wall, get out the washboard, put away my nitty books and get into it! I'm gonna go down and cruise in that lounge, man, I'm gonna have . . .
Dick: Watch this, it's right in there, just step right in
Howard: I'm gonna take a look
?: Hello, Frank . . .
Howard: Ooohoowwoh!
Mark: Hey, what is this, man? Is this the can-can room?
Howard: This place waits for us, man
Mark: This place waits us! Is there a piano?
Howard: There's a juke box with a lotta hokie country songs on it. I am coming in here and getting blotto in about ten minutes
Mark: Oh, man, me too!

Top Frank Zappa, The Motel Room

I know baby it's hard to be strong
Just take the good with the bad
And don't think you're alone
Cause I know all your sad goodbyes
Cause I've been there before
To help you dry your eyes
Sweetheart
Who love you from the start
Who treats you like a star
Oh sweetheart
Who loves you baby
Who loves you wrong or right
Cause you're the spark in my life
Yeah day and night
And when trouble a-keeps knockin'
Down your door
Just call on me babe
And it won't be 'round no more
Sweetheart oh I know, yes I know
No matter how long
I'll be by your side
Singing this song

Top Frank Zappa, The Mudshark Interview

FZ: What's your name?
Mr Tickman: I'm Martin Tickman
FZ: And what is your position here?
Mr Tickman: Front office manager
FZ: The name of this stablishment is . . . ?
Mr Tickman: This is the Edgewater Inn
FZ: In Seattle, Washington. Can you tell me, uh, how some rock'n'roll groups have taken advantage of this unique situation?
Mr Tickman: They've taken advantage in different ways, and we do encourage, uh, and advertise that you can fish from your room and we are glad to have our guests fish from 'em
FZ: Do you supply them with fishing equipment?
Mr Tickman: No, but we have a shop in the hotel that does rent the equipment as well as bait
FZ: What sort of bait do they usually use?
Mr Tickman: Uh, it's a preserved minnow of some variety, I don't know exactly what the fish is
FZ: Well, what do they do after they fish from the window?
Mr Tickman: Well, rock'n'roll bands and other guests as well often catch shark and squid and octopus and usually we, it lands up either in the bath tub or dribbled on the floor on the way to the bath tub
FZ: Mm-mmh . . .
Mr Tickman: But it's not reserved to, uh, to any rock'n'roll bands, I mean, other guests do it too
FZ: Mm-mmh, but how frequently do you find squids and sharks and octopuses in the bath tubs of the rooms here at the hotel?
Mr Tickman: After almost any good weekend of pretty heavy occupancy, say like over half the house filled
FZ: If you have over the . . .
Mr Tickman: Way, way . . .
FZ: . . . over half house filled you'd find one, say?
Mr Tickman: Yeah, say, one or something like that
FZ: So how often would you say that is each week? Twice a week you'd find a . . . ?
Mr Tickman: Well, I would, I don't know that I would say that it would average to anything like that, you may find on four or five rooms with fish from various places, you know, around. But there's not much you can do with the shark after you've caught him, you know, some of these things are pretty big
FZ: What would you imagine is done with these, uh, sharks after they've been caught before they are left, uh, for you to be cleaned up?
Mr Tickman: Sometimes the guest calls the houseman or housekeeper to haul it away because there's nothing that they can do with it
FZ: Yeah, well. Have you ever heard of any other things that were done with them before they were hauled away?
Mr Tickman: Yes, a lot of, some people like to, uh, perform vivisection on 'em, or something like that. Occasionally you find that little bit of mess . . .
FZ: Yeah
Mr Tickman: I'll say that the, the, the 'blood on the carpet' syndrome is rather, eh, rather rare, but it did occasionally happen
FZ: Do you ever find fish blood on the sheets of your beds here?
Mr Tickman: Not identifiable as such, no . . .
FZ: I see. Do you know of any stories about, uh, bizarre sexual activities performed with squid, octopus and mud sharks here in your rooms?
Mr Tickman: No . . . I should think a mud shark would be a little uncomfortable, since their skin is so sandy but, uh, never heard of anyone having it with an octopus

Top Frank Zappa, Goblin Girl

Top Frank Zappa, Dumb All Over

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob Harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
David Ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David Logeman (drums)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Jimmy Carl Black (vocals)
Ahmet Zappa (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether
They call it THE EARTH
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'Cause we behave the same...
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near 'n far
Dumb all over,
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight
Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religous fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the Bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
'Bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
We got over here
You can't run a race
Without no feet
'N pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religous fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(I mean it won't blow up
'N disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)
You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state
TO ARMS! TO ARMS!
Hooray! That's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (Get Down!)
Not his, not hers, (but what the hey?)
The Good Book says:
("It gotta be that way!")
But their book says:
"REVENGE THE CRUSADES...
With whips 'n chains
'N hand grenades..."
TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS?
Have another and another
Our God says:
"There ain't no other!"
Our God says
"It's all okay!"
Our God says
"This is the way!"
It says in the book:
"Burn 'n destroy...
'N repent, 'n redeem
'N revenge, 'n deploy
'N rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
'Cause they don't go for what's in the book
'N that makes 'em BAD
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice French bomb
To poof them out of existance
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise OUR GOD
("Cause he can really take care of business!")
And when his humble TV servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blond wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
(Depending on which book you're using at the
time...Can't use theirs... it don't work
...it's all lies...Gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Every day...
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following God's Orders
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An' the book says:
He made us all to be just like Him,"
so...
If we're dumb...
Then God is dumb...

Top Frank Zappa, Heavenly Bank Account

Top Frank Zappa, Harder Than Your Husband

Top Frank Zappa, If Only She Woulda

Top Frank Zappa, I'm A Beautiful Guy

Top Frank Zappa, Mudd Club

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob Harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
David Ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David Logeman (drums)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Jimmy Carl Black (vocals)
Ahmet Zappa (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Hey, they're really dancin'
They're on auto-destruct
On the floor
On the pipe
Bouncin' off-a the wall
Hey, the people here are really
Tearin' it up
On the side
In the back
By the front of the stage
They ain't really crazy
You can take it from me
I should know
'Cause I go
Every time I'm in town
If you never tried it
Lemme straighten you out
It's the best kinda place
To unfasten yerself
MUDD CLUB
All the way downtown
MUDD CLUB
They ain't messin' around
Just turn to the left 'n look around
It's there somewhere
If you ain't found it, better
Hurry up
The folks down there's on auto-destruct
And so can you be too
(Fact of the matter
it's made for you...)
Try it on a Saturday 'bout four o'clock in
the mornin'
Or even on a Monday at midnight
When there's just a few of them
Fabulous Poodles
Doin' the Peppermint Twist for real
In black sack dresses with nine inch heels
And then a guy with a blue mohawk comes in
In Serious Leather...
(And all the rest of whom for which
To whensonever of partially
indeterminate
Bio-chemical degradation
Seek the path to sudsy yellow nozzle
Of their foaming nocturnal
Parametric digital whole-wheat
inter-faith
Geothermal terpsichorean ejectamenta
In Serious Leather...Serious Chains
Then they work the wall
'N work the floor
'N work the pipe
'N work the wall some more
In Serious Leather
In Serious Chains
In Serious Clothing
From when they come downtown
From the ruins of Studio 54
To twist 'n frugg
In an arrogant gesture
To the best of what the 20th Century has
to offer, at the
MUDD CLUB
Al Malkin's down there now
Looking for a Virgin with nice breath...
(Why, maybe it's you...
And you don't even know it!)
Hey, they're really dancin'
They're on auto-destruct
On the floor
On the pipe
Bouncin' off-a the wall
Hey, the people here are really
Tearin' it up
On the side
In the back
By the front of the stage
They ain't really crazy
You can take it from me
I should know
'Cause I go
Every time I'm in town
If you never tried it
Lemme straighten you out
It's the best kinda place
To unfasten yerself
WORK THE WALL
WORK THE FLOOR
WORK THE PIPE

Top Frank Zappa, Jumbo Go Away

Top Frank Zappa, Suicide Chump

Top Frank Zappa, Society Pages

Top Frank Zappa, Stink Foot

[includes a quote from Dragnet (Schumann/Rosza)]
In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends . . .
An' all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know . . .
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people,
It's right aroun' the corner!)
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases,
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases, mmm . . .
This has to be the disease for you
Now scientists call this disease
Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience
By the name of:
STINK FOOT
Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girl-friend cry
'You got STINK FOOT!
STINK FOOT, darlin'
Your STINK FOOT puts a hurt on my nose!
STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin',
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?'
Here Fido . . . Fido . . .
C'mere little puppy . . . bring the slippers
'Arf, arf, arf!' (crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump)
Heh heh heh . . . sick . . .
Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over
An' he looked me straight in the eye
An' you know what he said?
Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your Conceptual Continuity?
Well, I told him right then
(Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe(')
Well, you know
The man who was talkin' to the dog
Looked at the dog an' he said: (sort of staring in disbelief)
'You can't say that!'
He said:
'IT DOESN'T, 'n YOU CAN'T!
I WON'T, 'n IT DON'T!
IT HASN'T, IT ISN'T, IT EVEN AIN'T
'N IT SHOULDN'T . . .
IT COULDN'T!'
He told me NO NO NO!
I told him YES YES YES!
I said: 'I do it all the time . . .
Ain't this boogie a mess!'
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES

Top Frank Zappa, Dinah Moe Humm

I couldn't say where she's coming' from,
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
She stroll on over, say look here, bum,
I got a forty dollar bill say you can't make me cum
(Y'jes can't do it)
She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
I don't mind that she called me a bum,
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
(So I got down to it)
I whipped off her bloomers'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm,
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
Got a spot that gets me hot, ow!
An' you ain't been to it
(No no no no!)
Got a spot that gets me hot, ow!
An' you ain't been to it
(No no no!)
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
(No no no no no!)
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
'Cause I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta get out of it
Before I get into it
'Cause I never get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta be out of it
To get myself into it
(She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said . . . )
Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up,
Then my body don't care
I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?
I checked out her sister
Who was holdin' the bet
An' wondered what kind of trip
The young lady was on
The forty dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little if I wasn't done yet
I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try
So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked if she had any cooties on there
(Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!)
She was buns-up kneelin'
BUNS UP!
I was wheelin' an dealin'
WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH!
She surrender to the feelin'
SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED
An' she started in to squealin'
Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin' an' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in
She quivered 'n quaked
An' clutched at herself
While her sister made a joke
About her mental health
'Till Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline . . .
Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
M-M-M . . . it's real angora
Would y'all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Y'wanna?
MMM . . . sound like you're chokin' on somethin'
Did you say you want some more?
Well, here's some more . . .
(Oh, baby . . . )
Oh, sure . . . look,
D'you think I could interest you
In a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers?
MMM . . . tweezers!
Wait a minute, lemme sterilize 'em . . .
Gimme your lighter . . .
I couldn't say where she's coming' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
She stroll on over, say look here, bum,
I got a forty dollar bill say you can't make me cum
(Y'jes can't do it)
I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
An' you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Some Dinah-Moe
An' a little Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' a little Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' a Dinah-Moe again
An' Dinah-Moe
An' Dora too, lil' Dinah 'n Dora
An' Dinah-Moe

Top Frank Zappa, Baby Snakes

Top Frank Zappa, Uncle Remus

Top Frank Zappa, Time is Money

George Duke (keyboards)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
James "Bird Legs" Youman (bass, guitar)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Thana Harris (vocals)
Bruce Fowler (brass)
Time is money...
But Space is a long, long time!
Perhaps you are surprised
To see I speak your language?
But I have been monitoring
Your Earthly broadcasts for
Many years...
Many years...
And the reception on my little planet
Is extremely fine!
Time is money...
But Space is a long, long time!
On my lonely throne
In the cosmic night I ponder the vast expanses
Between your puny world and mine!
From my Couch-In-The-Sky,
As my planet goes by,
I behold all your misery below there!
I have seen all your lying,
And crying, and dying,
And, believe me,
YOUR planet is NOWHERE!
SPACE is a VERY LONG TIME!
(And if the equation,
As set forth above,
Is PROVED when we get to
The BOTTOM LINE...
The 'Powers Financial'
I'll hold o'er your world
Will complete my fantastic design!)
And the whole 'EQUIVALENT EARTH' SHALL BE MINE!
And the whole 'EQUIVALENT EARTH' SHALL BE MINE!
And the whole 'EQUIVALENT EARTH' SHALL BE MINE!

Top Frank Zappa, Spider Of Destiny

George Duke (keyboards)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
James "Bird Legs" Youman (bass, guitar)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Thana Harris (vocals)
Bruce Fowler (brass)
Listen carefully, spider of destiny
You must heed the call of cosmo-biology
Listen to me
If you eat the earthlings now
things will all be fine and then
we'll repair our love somehow
and resume the busy schedule of our ruthless conquest once again
Listen carefully, spider of destiny
I will not allow this marvelous opportunity to be taken from me
Taken from me...
Eat the earth people, eat them and chew them and brutally
stomp on the rest of what's left and then report to me
for the conquest of earth and the moon and the stars
and the space in between, all the comets and stars will be ours
Eat the earth people, eat them and chew them and brutally

Top Frank Zappa, Teenage Wind

Top Frank Zappa, The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing

Top Frank Zappa, Titties 'N' Beer

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight
I heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me
I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-t**ty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me...
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, Mystery
I noticed even the crickets
Was actin' weird up here
And So I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, *'Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on...'
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone...
*'Where's those t**ties that I like so well
'n my goddamn beer!'*
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil...he's about this big...
He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know it looked to me
Like it was t**ty skin
I said, *'You sonofabitch!'*
'Cause I was mad at him,
Well he just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: BANG BANG BANG
Then the sucker just laughed 'n said, *'Put it away...
You know, I ate her all up...now what you
gonna say?'*
YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? *'t**ties 'n all!'*
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN, BOY? *'Were the cans
this tall?'
EVEN HER BOOTS? *'Would I lie to you?'*
S***, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! *'Yes, this is true.'*
WELL DON'T THEY PAY YOU GOOD FOR THE
STUFF THAT YOU DO?
*'Well, you know, I can't complain when the checks come through...'*
WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY, 'N I WANT MY BEER
SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL,
DO YOU HEAR?
*'Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil,
Do you understand? Just what will you give me
for your
t**ties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little
contract here...'* YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU
SON-OF-A-WHORE,
*'Don't call me that'*
THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON
...GIMME THAT PAPER...BET YER ASS
I'll SIGN...
'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S T**TY-
SQUEEZIN' TIME
*'Man, You can't fool me...you ain't that bad...
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had...
Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too...
'n both
of those suckers was worse 'n you...'*
WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK
THAT'S TRUE
I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL, SO WHATCHA
GONNA DO?
(improvised dialog)
'Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you say...
that you want to make a deal with me...'
'That's very, very true
I'm only interested in two things
*'Yeah?'*
See if you can guess what they are'
'I would think...uh...let's see, maybe Stravinsky...'
'I'll give you two clues. Let go of your pickle'
'What?'
'Let go of your pickle!'
'I'm not holding my pickle'
'Well, who's holding your pickle then?'
'I don't know...she's out in the audience...
Hey Dale, would you like to come up here and hold
my pickle to satisfy this weird man out on the stage?'
'I'm only interested in two things, and that's
t**ties and beer
you know what I mean?
*'What?'*
t**ties and beer
t**ties and beer
t**ties and beer
t**ties and beer
t**ties and beer
t**ties and beer
t**ties and beer!'
t**ties and beer!'
*'I don't know if you're the right guy?'*
t**ties and beer!'
t**ties and beer!'
*'No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think...
I mean hold on a second boy, 'cause that's magic ink!'
And then the devil let go of his pickle
and out come my girl, there was her t**ties
flop-floppin'...all around the world
She said 'I got me three beers and a fistful of downs
and I'm gonna get ripped, so f***, you clowns!'
Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff
That's when the devil, he farted
and she went right over the cliff!
The devil was mad, I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?

Top Frank Zappa, Punky's Whips

Terry Bozzio (drums)
Roy Estrada (vocals, bass)
Adrian Belew (guitar)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Alright!
What's this?
Thank you! What? OK!
Thank you! Wait a minute!
Ah...take these...
In today's rapidly changing world
Rock groups appear every fifteen minutes,
Utilising some new promotional device.
Some of these devices have been known
To leave irreparable scars
On the minds of foolish young consumers.
One such case is seated before you:
Little skinny Terry 'Ted' Bozzio,
That cute little drummer!
That's right!
Terry recently fell in love
With a publicity-photo of a boy named Punky Meadows...
(Oh Punky!)...
Lead guitar player from a group called Angel.
In the photograph,
Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo
In a semi-profile which emphasized the pootched out succulence
Of his insolent pouting rictus,
The sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!
I can't stand the way he pouts
'Cause he might not be pouting for me!
Punky Meadows, pouting for you?
Ha! You bet sailor!
You mean,
You mean he's not...he's not pouting...
He's not pouting for me?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'Til I squirm with ecstasy
Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on!
Oh Punky, isn't it romantic?
Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on...I promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the shits!
It's all wrong!
I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
PAY to see!
Punky's lips, Punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips!
I love his teeth and his gums and such!
Punky
(What is it? You come home!)
You're an Angel!
You're too much
(Oh God!)
The boys of my thoughts in my lonely teenage room!
He's been havin' a rash
(No shit!)
That keeps the girls away
(It's true)
Skin doom
(Skin doom)
Is what the doctors say
And that makes me wonder
I wonder what Punky is rehearsing today
I'll just go over, and hear him play
His hair is so pretty...I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
BUT I AIN'T QUEER
I AIN'T GAY
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
A wrist array-ee-ay
(That's all that is, I swear!)
Punky's lips, Punky's lips!
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY!
YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER!
YANK IT ALL NITE LONG!
COME ON PUNKY!
GET FUNKY!
I AIN'T QUEER
No no no no!
I AIN'T GAY
No no no no!
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
Wrist array-ee-ay
And then he told me now:
I AIN'T QUEER!
(Hey!)
I AIN'T GAY!
(Hey! Hey!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
I-I, Lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-I, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on Punky!
Give me your lips!
Ride on my Venus-trip!
Patrick O'Hearn,
Adrian Belew,
Tommy Mars,
Terry Bozzio,
Peter Wolf,
Ed Mann.

Top Frank Zappa, Jones Crusher

Top Frank Zappa, Disco Boy

Terry Bozzio (drums, background vocals)
Davey Moire (vocals)
Andre Lewis (organ, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (synthesizer, marimba)
Donnie Vliet (harmonica)
Louanne Neil (harp)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Sharkie Barker (background vocals)
Disco boy! Run to toilet and comb your hair.
Disco boy! Pucker your lip, and check your shoulders,
'cause some dandruff might be hiding there.
Disco boy, your the disco king, aw the
disco thing made you think someday that you
just might go somewhere.
Disco girl, you're outa sight, you need a
disco boy, to treat you right.
He'll do a little dance, take you home tonight.
Leave his hair alone, but you can kiss his comb.
Disco boy! Run to toilet and comb your hair.
Disco boy! Shake it more than three times and you're
playing with it while you're standing there.
Disco boy, do the bump every night, 'til the disco girl
who's really right, gonna fall for your line,
and feed you a box full of chicken delight.
Disco chit-chat so demure,
pump that booty all across the floor.
A disco drink, a disco wink,
you never go duty that's what you think.
You never go duty that's what you think.
You never go duty that's what you think.
Duty. Go duty!
Duty. Go duty!
Duty. You never go duty.
Duty. You never go duty.
Duty. You never go duty.
Duty. You never go duty.
You never duty. Go duty.
Duty. You never duty.
Disco boy! You got one more chance, to comb your hair again.
Disco boy! They're closing the bar, and she's
leaving with your friend.
Disco boy, that's the way it goes, so wipe your nose, and
try it again, to get a little lay tomorrow.
Disco boy, no one understands, but thank the lord that you
still got hands, to help you do that jerkin' that'll
blot out your disco sorrow.
It's disco love tonight. Make sure you look alright.

Top Frank Zappa, Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't Do

Top Frank Zappa, Church Chat

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar, vocals, zucchini)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
(somebody in the crowd yells in something in French... what is it?)
You know today the church is in a terrible state. The bucks just arent rollin in like they used to. And when the bucks don't come in, the church comes up with a new gimmick to make you spend to go to heaven.
Now I know you don't know what I'm talking about, but what the fuck. But anyway, listen to this ladies and gentlemen, when the church wants to get your money they remind you about hell. (Whoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha)
If you commit a sin you're gonna go to hell. (oui-oui)
Well let me give you an example, this boy over here;
Tell em about it Brother Zappa.
Sometimes people say: That if you fuck somebody (oh lord) its a sin, (oui-oui) this may or may not be true.
(Testify)
This boy not only fucked somebody with his organ, but he also fucked a girl with a guitar, with an umbrella, with a zuchinni, with a shoe, with an enema bag . . .
What else did you do?
A vibrato bar.
A vibrato bar!
Some people would say this is a sin. And if you sin youre gonna go to hell.
Well ladies and gentlemen:
There aint no hell. (oui)
There is no such thing as hell. (oui)
There is no hell, there is only France! (oui-oui)

Top Frank Zappa, Johnny Darling

And she said
Johnny Darlin
Ah-ah-ah hoo-oo
Dont ever go-o yea-heah
Ah-ha-ha-haaa
And she said: Johnny Darlin
Ah-ah-ah hoo-oo
Dont ever go-o yea-heah
Ah-ha-ha-haaa
And she said: Johnny Darlin
Johnny Darling
Don't ever go-o-o-oooo

Top Frank Zappa, Let's Move To Cleveland

Top Frank Zappa, St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast

Yes indeed, here we are!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen . . .
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Ooo-ooo-WAH . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Nanook Rubs It

Jim Gordon (drums)
John Guerin (drums)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Ralph Humphrey (drums)
Jack Bruce (bass)
Erroneous (bass)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Frank Zappa (bass, lead vocals, guitar)
George Duke (keyboards, background vocals)
Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (violin)
Jean-Luc Ponty (violin)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Ian Underwood (saxophone)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, background vocals)
Sal Marquez (trumpet)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Ray Collins (background vocals)
Kerry McNabb (background vocals)
Susie Glower (background vocals)
Debbie (background vocals)
Lynn (background vocals)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Robert Camarena (background vocals)
(Well, right about that time people
A fur-trapper (who was strictly from commercial)
Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo (peekaboo) )
And he started into whippin' on my favorite baby seal
With a lead-filled snowshoe)
I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, "Peekaboo"
I said, with a
Lead-
Filled
With a lead filled snowshoe
He said, "Peekaboo"
He went right upside the head of my favorite baby seal
he went "whap" with a lead-filled snowshoe, and
he hit him on the nose and hit him on the fin, and he
that got me just about as evil as an eskimo boy can be. So I bent down
and I reached down, and I scooped down and I gathered up a generous
mitten-ful of the deadly YELLOW SNOW
The deadly yellow snow, from right there where the huskies go!
Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow
crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous
circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined
to take the place of the mudshark in your mythology
here it goes,the circular motion, now Rub It!
(Here Fido)
And then
In a fit of anger
I pounced
And I pounced again
Great Googly Moogly!
I jumped up and down on the chest of the him
I injured
The fur trapper
Well he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so, because the
Deadly yellow snow crystals had
Deprived him of his
Sight
And he stood up, and he looked around, and he said
"I can't see"
"I can't see"
"Oh, woe is me"
"I can't see"
"Well.....you know
I can't see
Nothin'"
"He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye
And the husky wee-wee
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
And I can't see
Temporarily"
Well, the fur-trapper stood there, with his arms outstretched across the
frozen white wasteland, trying to figure out what he was going to do about
his deflicted eyes. And it was at that precise moment that he remembered
and ancient Eskimo legend, wherein it is written (on whatever it is that
they write it on up there) that if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
as the result of some sort of conflict with anyone named
Nanook,
the only way you can get it fixed up is to go
Trudging across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudging across the tundra
Right down to the parish of St. Alphonzo

Top Frank Zappa, Approximate

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
One two, one two three four
Alright, that's the melody
Now, here it is with the mouth,
As performed at Eva's wedding
Come on Ruth, come on
Ah, come on Ruth, sing along
Come on Ruth, harmonize with him
A-ren-ne-henna
Okay,
Achtung!
One two, one two three four
...are wondering about
It's a hit!
Chester!
...shoe
Chester
Suzy
Quattro
Funky
Take the towels
We want you to take them to your country
No, don't pay us for the towels
We insist
Towels
Suitcase
Get it through customs
And now, here is way number three:
With the feet!
Hey!
It's so modern
Can't have any of that
Later on we'll have a dance-contest
And some lucky member of the audience
Will win a quart of Finnish champagne!
That's a good...
That's a good...
Just wanna see how long...
Right! Okay
Alright, now here it is, all the way through
It's so exhilarating
Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue!
Hey! That's a good idea, isn't it
Thank you!
Thank you very much
Thank you, and thank you
And thank you some more
And thank you very much
And thank you
And thank you

Top Frank Zappa, Are You Upset?

Top Frank Zappa, Sleep Dirt

Top Frank Zappa, Flambay

George Duke (keyboards)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
James "Bird Legs" Youman (bass, guitar)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Thana Harris (vocals)
Bruce Fowler (brass)
He used to be very kind in his own crude way
He wasn't always like I wanted him to be
He wasn't smart, he wasn't handsome either
But he thrilled me when he drilled me
and I never loved a monster quite like he...
Because his love was so flambay
His kisses burned me so, his kisses turned me
from a queen on a throne to a shriveling spool
Here I stand all alone, a spider's fool
When it's me he needs to fondle his tool
I guess some bugs are just that way
He don't really need your love
He don't really need you
to be there when his hair gets matted and grey
With a broom cleaning his room from the mess he made that day
All those earthling worms he nibbled away
Oh Hunchentoot my love, how could you desert me now?
Oh Hunchentoot you brute, can't you see I want you?
Stay with me flagrantly
and we'll have ecstasy for all eternity
Because your love is so flambay
You kisses burn me so, your kisses turn me
from a queen on a throne to a shriveling spool
I don't mind if you're unkind 'cause spiders rule
Yes you are real cool
with those little webs you spool
and all your spider drool

Top Frank Zappa, No, Not Now

Top Frank Zappa, I Come From Nowhere

Top Frank Zappa, Happy Together

Top Frank Zappa, Theme From The 3rd Mvmt Of "Sinister Footwear

Top Frank Zappa, You Are What You Is

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob Harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
David Ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David Logeman (drums)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Jimmy Carl Black (vocals)
Ahmet Zappa (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham...)
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
("Saffiiiee!")
From Amos 'n Andy
("Holy mack'l dere...Holy mack'l
dere!")
He tells you that chitlins...
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown
Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham...)
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
("UHURU!")
For some Jordache Jeans
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself
("I AIN'T NO NIGGER NO MORE...HEY! HEY! HEY!")
"I don't understand you..."
BWANA MA-COO-BAH
"Would you please speak more clearly..."
MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ
Who is who
(I don't know)
'N what is what
(Somethin' I just don't know...)
'N why is this
(Tell me now...)
Appropriot
(That's a funny pronunciation if'n ever
I heard one...)
If you don't like
(Where'd you get that word?)
What you has got
(Appropriot? The word is not...)
Drop it in the dirt
(Drop it yeah...)
'N let it rot
(I can smell it now...)
Someone else
(Here de come, here de come...)
Will surely come
(I told you they was comin')
'N pick it up
(That's right!)
'Cause he wants some
(An' he wants it for free...)
And when one day
(There will come a day...)
You wonder who
(I wonder too...)
You used to was
(Who I was anyway...)
'N what you do
(I used to work at the post office...)
You'll scratch your head
(But I don't wanna un-do my doo...)
'N look around
(Just to see what's goin' on)
But what you lost
(Can't seem to find it...)
Will not be found
(A Mercedes Benz...)
Do you what you are?
(I know...)
You are what you is
(I'm the kinda guy...)
You is what you am
(That ought to be drivin' a Mercedes Benz...)
A cow don't make a ham
(A four-fifty SLC...)
You ain't what you're not
(A big ol' red one...)
So see what you got
(With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk...)
You are what you is
(I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin'...)
An' that's all it is
(Gimme a five dollar bill...)
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(And an overcoat too...)
AND THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Robbie, take me to Greek Town...)
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband...)
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm goin' down to White Street, y'all...)
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(Gone down to the Mudd Club, 'n work
the wall...)
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
('N work the floor 'n work the pipe 'N
work the wall some more...
And here we are at the Mudd Club,
Y'all...
I hope you enjoy yourself, cause the
show's about

Top Frank Zappa, The Grand Wazoo

Janet Ferguson (vocals)
Sal Marquez (vocals)
Mike Altschul (woodwinds)
Earl Dumler (woodwinds)
Tony "Bat Man" Ortege (woodwinds)
Joanne Caldwell McNabb (woodwinds)
Johnny Rotella (woodwinds)
Fred Jackson (woodwinds)
Sal Marquez (brass)
Malcolm McNabb (brass)
Bill Byers (brass)
Ken Shroyer (brass)
Ernie Track (brass)
Bob Zimmitti (percussion)
Alan Estes (percussion)
Don Preston (mini-moog)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Tony Duran (guitar)
Erroneous (bass)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Where did they go?
When did they come from?
What has become of them now?
How much was the leakage
From the drain in the night
And who are those dudes in the
Back seat of Calvin's car?
Where did they go?
When they got off the car?
Did they go get sandwich
And eat in the dark?

Top Frank Zappa, Jewish Princess

I want a nasty little Jewish Princess
With long phony nails and a hairdo that rinses
A horny little Jewish Princess
With a garlic aroma that could level Tacoma
Lonely inside
Well, she can swallow my pride
I want a hairy little Jewish Princess
With a brand new nose, who knows where it goes
I want a steamy little Jewish Princess
With over-worked gums, who squeaks when she cums
I don't want no troll
I just want a Yemenite hole
I want a darling little Jewish Princess
Who don't know shit about cooking and is arrogant looking
A vicious little Jewish Princess
To specifically happen with a pee-pee that's snappin'
All up inside
I just want a Princess to ride
Awright, back to the top...everybody twist
I want a funky little Jewish Princess
A grinder; a bumper, with a pre-moistened dumper
A brazen little Jewish Princess
With titanic tits, and sand-blasted zits
She can even be poor
So long as she does it with four on the floor
(Vapor-lock)
I want a dainty little Jewish Princess
With a couple of sisters who can raise a few blisters
A fragile little Jewish Princess
With Roumanian thighs, who weasels 'n' lies
For two or three nights
Won't someone send me a Princess who bites
Won't someone send me a Princess who bites
Won't someone send me a Princess who bites

Top Frank Zappa, City Of Tiny Lites (In Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 5)

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Im a little pimp
With my hair gassed back
Pair a khaki pants
With my shoe shined black
I got a little lady . . .
And she walks that street
Tellin' all the boys
That she can't be beat
She can't be beat
She can't be beat
She's so sweet
She knows she can't be beat
She can't be beat
She can't be beat
She's so sweet
She knows she can't be beat
Twenny dollah bill
(I can set you straight)
Meet me on the corner boy an don't be late
Man in a suit
With a bow-tie neck
Tryna buy some pussy
With a third party check
A third party check, a third party check
He's tryna buy some pussy
With a third party check
A third party check, a third party check
He's tryna buy some pussy
With a third party checks
Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell:
HOT MEAT . . .
HOT RATS . . .
HOT CATS . . .
HOT ZITS
HOT MEAT . . .
HOT FEET . . .
HOT RATS . . .
HOT CATS

Top Frank Zappa, The Black Page Drum Solo\Black Page #1

Top Frank Zappa, Bwana Dik

Top Frank Zappa, Latex Solar Beef

Top Frank Zappa, Say Please

Please!
Say please!
FZ: We take turns conducting
John Lennon: Okay
....

Top Frank Zappa, Scrutinizer Postlude

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... again. Hi!...It´s me again, the CENTRAL
SCRUTINIZER... Joe says Lucille has messed his mind up, but was the girl or was
it the music? As you can see...girls, music, disease, heartbreak... they all go
together... Joe found out the hard way, but his troubles were just beginning...
his mind was so messed up... he could hardly do nothin'... He was in a
quandary... being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming
desires... the guys was a wreck... so ...what does he do? For once, he does
something SMART... he goes out... and pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover...

Top Frank Zappa, Scum Bag

Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Eh, yo, yeah, yo
Scum Bag
(Gonna put all my posessions in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna shut my damn pa-jamas in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my dirty movies in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my Yoko records in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my old high school in a)
Scum Bag
(Everybody, everybody, by the)
Scum Bag
(Oh, my pretty baby, do the)
Scum Bag
(Everybody)
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
(Oh, Yoko's in a)
Scum Bag
(Everybody, everybody)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag!
(All God's children gotta)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag!
Oh, Scum Bag
Ah, ooh, gotta Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Choo choo choo . . .
Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
FZ: Hey, listen! I don't know whether you can tell what the words are to this song, but there's only two of them, and I'd like to have you sing along 'cause it's real easy. Anybody who comes to the Fillmore East can sing the song. The name of the song is 'Scum Bag,' okay? And all you gotta do is sing 'Scum Bag.' Right on, brothers and sisters, let's hear it for the Scum Bag!
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Come on, come on, come on
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag, baby, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag to me, baby
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag to me, baby)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag to me baby)
Scum Bag
SCUM BAG
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Do the Scum Bag, hey
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag, hey)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Answer now
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag . . .
Ooh, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum-bag
Scum-bag
Scum-baaag
Scum-baaag
Scum-baaaaag
Scum-baaaag, scum-baaaag, scum-baaag . . .
FZ: Good night, boys and girls!

Top Frank Zappa, Semi fraudulent Overture

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen!
Chorus:
200 motels
Theodor Bikel:
200 motels.. Life on the road.
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen! and here he is..
Who?
Larry the dwarf.
Larry likes to dress up funny. Tonight he's dressed up like Frank Zappa.
Let's ask him What's the deal?

Top Frank Zappa, Ruthie ruthie

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
I, I can't see you, but I know that you're out there...
It's that little voice...
That same little voice at all of the concerts,
Of the guy in the back of the room
Okay...?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
A couple a years ago,
There was a guy that used to come
To all the concerts on the East Coast
I swore I heard him every night for a month
That he was somewhere in the audience
Anyway, it's this little voice, and he would say:
"Freak me out Frank!
Freak me out!
Freak me out Frank!"
Okay, here we go!
Arf arf! ?!?!?!?
Arf!
Ruthie-Ruthie
Where did you go?
Oh, Ruthie-Ruthie
Where did you go?
Last night, I tried to ... her
This burned Pennsylvania all ... your story
Right after Ruth got through barfin'
She pushed the tray out the door
She rocks me compassionate
Ruthie-Ruthie
Where did you go?
What could you do now,
What could you do?
Ruthie-Ruthie
Oh yeah
What did you do?
Ruthie had on a thin night gown
She wouldn't fill it everywhere
No no no no
She pushed the tray out the door
Some guy tried to come in
She kicked him in the nose
She said: "Oh oh oh oh!"
Ruthie-Ruthie
What did you do?
(Now, what did you do?
What did you do?
What did you do?)
Ruthie-Ruthie
(Ruthie-Ruthie
That was the best thing anybody could do)
What did you do now?
Well, we have another song for you
That goes far beyond Louie-Louie,
Ruthie-Ruthie, or even Brian-Brian
This song is so advanced
It takes us all the way from nineteen fifty-five
Directly to approximately nineteen fifty-seven,
Which is when it should have been written,
But actually it was written about nineteen seventy
This is a song,
We like to dedicate this song to Marty, our road manager,
Who has a fondness for the k-nine species

Top Frank Zappa, Saliva Can Only Take So Much

Spider: Saliva can only take so much
Louis: Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed
Girl #1: Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh
Girl #2: We didn't have a chance, baby (Laugh). These holes are just the right size
Girl #1: They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed
Girl #2: Right . . .
Girl #1: Indeed
Girl #2: Yeah
Gilly: And here's a grave
Girl #1: Yeah
Girl #2: A grave?
Gilly: Yes, a grave

Top Frank Zappa, Satumaa

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
We have now a special request
Bouilliabai, bouilliabai, bouilliabai...
Stroganoff, bouilliabai
Here we go...
No, you’d better leave the lights on, on stage
’cause we have to read this music,
We’ve never played it before
Aavan meren tuolla puolen jossakin on maa,
Missä onnen kaukorantaan laine liplattaa.
Missä kukat kauneimmat luo aina loistettaan,
Siellä huolet huomisen voi jäädä unholaan.
Oi jospa kerran sinne satumaahan käydä vois,
Niin sieltä koskaan lähtisi en linnun lailla pois.
Vaan siivetönnä en voi lentää vanki olen maan,
Vain aatoksin mi kauas entää sinne käydä saan.
Lennä laulu sinne missä siintää satumaa,
Sinne missä oma armain mua odottaa.
Lennä laulu sinne lailla linnun liitävän.
Kerro että aatoksissain on vain yksin hän.
Oi jospa kerran...
Translation of the first two finnish verses:
There’s a land beyond the vast sea
Where waves wash on the shores of happiness
Where beautiful flowers always blossom
Where worries of tomorrow can be forgotten
Oh if once I could go to that fairytale land
Never would I leave from there like a bird
But without wings I cannot fly, I’m a prisoner of ground
Only in thoughts that reach so far can I ever there be

Top Frank Zappa, Man With The Woman Head

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Are you with me on this people?
The man with the woman head
Polynesian wallpaper made the face stand out,
a mixture of Oriental and early vaudeville jazz poofter,
forming a hard, beetle-like triangular chin much like a praying mantis.
Smoky razor-cut, low on the ear neck profile.
The face the color of a nicotine-stained hand.
Dark circles collected under the wrinkled, folded eyes,
map-like from too much turquoise eyepaint.
He showed his old tongue through ill-fitting wooden teeth,
stained from too much opium, chipped from the years.
The feet, brown wrinkles above straw loafers.
A piece of cocoanut in a pink seashell caught the tongue
and knotted into thin white strings.
Charcoal grey Eisenhower jacket zipped into a load(?) of green ascot.
A coil of ashes collected on the white-on-yellow dacs.
Four slender bones with rings and nails
endured the weight of a hard fast black rubber cigarette holder.
I could just make out Ace as he carried the tray and mouthed,
"You cheap son of a bitch"
as a straw fell out of a Coke, cartwheeled into the gutter.
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood,
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood,

Top Frank Zappa, The Duke Regains His Chops

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
And you'll be my Duchess
My Duchess of Prunes
I'm looking through the prune in June
Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck
The cheese I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
(NEW CHEESE!)
Prune (Pa-da-dah!)
If they are a fresh Prune (Pa-da-dah!)
Know no cheese
(Chunka, chunka cheeky chunka)
(Chunka, cheesy, stinky chunka)
And they just lie there
Taller and sickening and it just...I don't know (Lo)
And I know, I think
The love I have for you will never end (well, maybe)
And so my love I offer you
A love that is strong, A prune that is true
(This is the exciting part. This is like the Supremes
see the way it builds up? Feel it?)
(Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby)
(My Prune is yours, my love
My cheese for you, savings through and through
My baby I do
My baby I do
My baby Prunes
My baby Prunes
I love you
I love you
O baby prunes
O cheesy fat
O cheesy fat

Top Frank Zappa, Run Home Cues, #2

[Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA
1963]

Top Frank Zappa, Run Home Slow Theme

[Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA
1963]

Top Frank Zappa, Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
I could'a swore her hair was made of rayon
She wore a Milton-Bradley crayon
But she was something I could lay on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina hard-core ecstasy
She put a Doobie Brothers tape on
(lalalalalaa la)
I had a Roger Daltrey cape on
(a Roger Daltrey cape on)
There was a bed I dumped her shape on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina hard-core ecstasy
Somewhat later on, I woke up and she was gone
There was dew out on the lawn
In the sunrise
Later she came back, with a rumpled paper sack
Which she told me would contain
A surprize
She stuck her hand right in and to the bottom
Said she knew I'd be surprized she got 'em
Take a Charleston PIMP! to spot 'em
Then she gave a pair of shoes to me
Plastic leather fourteen triple D
I said I wonder what's the shoes for
She told me "Don't you worry no more"
And got right down there on the tile floor
"Now darling stomp all over me"
Carolina Hard-core ecstasy
Is this something new?
Having people stomp on you?
Is it what I need to do for your pleasure?
(Pleasure is all I need)
What is this a quiz?
Don't you worry what it is.
It is merely just a moment I can treasure
By ten o'clock her arms and legs were rendered
She couldn't talk cuz' her mouth had been extendered
It looked to me as though she had been blendered
What was this abject misery?
Carolina Hard-core ecstasy
[guitar solo]
What was this abject misery?
Carolina Hard-core ecstasy
What was this abject misery?
Carolina Hard-core ecstasy
It might seem strange to Herb and Dee

Top Frank Zappa, Trouble Every Day (in album Does Humor Belong In M

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Well I'm about to get sick
From watchin' MTV
I been checkin' out the ho ho ho
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten group
(Right you are, girl)
And when it's gonna change, my friend
Will probably make you stoop
I don't know, so I'm
Watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay that trouble
Comin' every day
Wednesday I watched the riot
I seen those cops out on the street
I watched 'em throwin' rocks & stuff & chokin'
In the heat
I listen to reports
About the whisky passin' 'round
I seen the smoke & fire
And the market burnin' down
Watched while everybody
On his street would ha ha ha
To stomp & smash & bash & crash & slash & bust & burn
And I'm
Watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'

Top Frank Zappa, Won Ton On

Top Frank Zappa, WPLJ

Frank Zappa (vocals, guitar)
Lowell George (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Motorhead Sherwood (woodwinds, vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, percussion)
Arthur Tripp (drums, percussion)
I say WPLJ, it really tastes good to me
WPLJ won't you take a drink with me
Well, it's a good good wine
It really makes me feel so fine, so fine, so fine, so fine
I went to the store when they open up the door
I said: "Please please please gimme some more"
White port & lemon juice, white port & lemon juice,
White port & lemon juice, ooh what it'll do to you!
You take the bottle, you take the can, shake it up fine
You get a good good wine.
White port & lemon juice, white port & lemon juice,
White port & lemon juice, ooh what it'll do to you!
The W is the white, the P is the port
The L is the lemon, the J is the juice
White port & lemon juice, white port & lemon juice,
White port & lemon juice, ooh what it'll do to you!
Well I feel so good, I feel so fine
I got plenty of lemon, I got plenty of wine
White port & lemon juice, white port & lemon juice,

Top Frank Zappa, Any Kind Of Pain

Top Frank Zappa, The Deathless Horsie

[Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 19, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]

Top Frank Zappa, The Crab-Grass Baby

Top Frank Zappa, Dickie's Such An Asshole (The San Clemente Magnetic Deviation)

[Vinyl spoken intro:
Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA
February 12, 1988
Song:
Warner Theatre, Washington DC
February 9, 1988
Hall Tivoli, Strasbourg, France
May 23, 1988
Broome County Arena, Binghamton, NY
March 17, 1988
Olympen, Lund, Sweden
April 26, 1988
Music Hall, Cleveland, Ohio
March 5, 1988]
FZ: Thank you! Hate to see this go to waste
Ike: Fringe. I mean that, man
FZ: Alright. CNN ran a story last week about this new product that has been developed for our prison system. It is called 'Confinement Loaf.' Now what it is it's, uh, bean by-products compressed into a loaf, which is administered to problem prisoners. Their diet will be a slice of 'Confinement Loaf' and a cup of water, and it seems to mellow them out right away. So my question is: How long before 'Confinement Loaf' appears in United States High Schools?
One 'n one is eleven!
Two 'n two is twenty-two!
Won't somebody kindly tell me,
What the government's tryin' t' do . . .
Dickie's just to tricky
For a chump like me to use, oh use
You take that sub-committee serious, boy (and I'm serious)
You just might get a seizure from the evenin' news
Millions 'n millions of dollars . . .
Much as he might need . . . (good work!)
He could open up a chain of motels, people,
On the highway, yes indeed!
Quadrophonic desperation! (oh, pinch that loaf now!)
There might be confinement loaf up under your bed (well . . . )
You know if you just might pinch a little loaf in your slumber (pffft . . . NURSE!)
The FBI is gonna get your number
GONNA GET YA
GONNA GET YA
GONNA JUMP UP THE SUB-COMMITTEE AND GET YA!
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
THEY ALREADY GOT YOUR PICTURE
THE FBI
AND YOUR FINGERPRINTS TOO
THE FBI
THEN THEY GOT A GUY IN VIRGINA
THE FBI
WHIFFING UP A LITTLE SOUP JUST FOR YOU
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
Tryin' not to worry
Tryin' not to care
But you know, I get so excited
When that soup goes over there
Can't have no private conversation
Nowhere
In the USA
Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the the world
Find out that their confinement loaf
Is just the same ol' way
Every day . . .
(Pinch that loaf now!)
Let me tell you about this right now
Let me tell you about this right here
Let me make this formerly clear
Let me tell you about this right here
You know you put me in office
So you must have wanted me in office
I did you no harm
I used to have twenty-five tapes
Now I only got ten
Can't remember what happened to the rest
S'pose I gave 'em to a friend
Gave a couple to Bebe Rebozo
Gave a couple to Pat Boone
Gave a couple to Ronald Reagan
Gave a couple to the new vice-president
He said he'd stick with me through thick and thin
Even if I invaded Nicaragua
You know I'm not a crook
You know I'm not a crook
I just wanna lie about one more thing right now . . .
(Say yeah yeah . . . )
The gangster stepped right up,
'N kissed him on the lips good-bye
Made him a cocksucker by proxy, yes he did,
An' he didn't even bat an eye!
The man in the White House - oooh!
He's got a conscience black as sin!
(Yeah, maybe I . . . I don't know but, it's just a training exercise)
There's just one thing I wanna know -
How'd that asshole ever manage to get in?
You're all the same, so sing right along now:
DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it
Sincerely, Ron, we mean it
Sincerely, Dick and Ron, we continue to mean it
Wee-ooo
Now let's bring the Republican Party up to date . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Poofter's Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
While we're at it, we have a sort of a cowboy song we'd like to do for ya. This is a song that deals with the rapidly approaching 200th birthday of the united states of america, ladies and gentlemen. This is a song that warns you in advance, that next year, everybody is gonna try and sell you things that maybe you shouldn't ought to buy, and not only that, they've been planning it for years. The name of this song is (pardon me), Poofters Froth, Wyoming, Plans Ahead.
Poofters Froth, Wyoming,
March Eleven Sixty-Seven
Take a letter, Miss Abetter
as our pigeons will be homin'.
To our jobbers in Dakota
And to Merwyn, Minnesota
This is merely just a note about
Performance to our quota
Well, we've all come out to show dem,
And the Elks have helped us
Load 'em
Little packets full of jackets
Little rackets, little rackets
Little Poofter-Cloth Appointments
Little Pofter's Froth Anointments
Little hoods, little goods
Little doo-dads from the woods
The entire stock is shipping
Oh our shod is hardly slipping
To the markets of the world
Our wrinkled pennants are unfurled!
T-shirt racks, rubber snacks,
Poster rolls with matching tacks
Yes, a special beer for sports
(and paper cups that hold two quarts)
Everything a nation needs
For making hoopla while it feeds
The trash compactors, small reactors,
Mowers, blowers, throwers & the glowers:
This is Buy-Cent-Any-All Salute(HYULK!)
Two hundred years have gone ka-poot!
Ah but we have been astute!

Top Frank Zappa, Dinah Moe Hum

[backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes]
I couldn't say where she's coming' from,
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
She stroll on over, say look here, bum,
I got a forty dollar bill say you can't make me cum
(Y'jes can't do it)
She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
I don't mind that she called me a bum,
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
(So I got down to it)
I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm,
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
Got a spot that gets me hot, ow!
An' you ain't been to it
(No no no no!)
Got a spot that gets me hot, ow!
An' you ain't been to it
(No no no!)
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
(No no no no no!)
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
'Cause I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta get out of it
Before I get into it
'Cause I never get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta be out of it
To get myself into it
(She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said . . . )
Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up,
Then my body don't care
I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?
I checked out her sister
Who was holdin' the bet
An' wondered what kind of trip
The young lady was on
The forty dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet
I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try
So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked if she had any cooties on there
(Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!)
She was buns-up kneelin'
BUNS UP!
I was wheelin' an dealin'
WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH!
She surrender to the feelin'
SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED
An' she started in to squealin'
Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin' an' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in
She quivered 'n quaked
An' clutched at herself
While her sister made a joke
About her mental health
'Till Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline . . .
Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
M-M-M . . . it's real angora
Would y'all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Y'wanna?
MMM . . . sound like you're chokin' on somethin'
Did you say you want some more?
Well, here's some more . . .
(Oh, baby . . . )
Oh, sure . . . look,
D'you think I could interest you
In a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers?
MMM . . . tweezers!
Wait a minute, lemme sterilize 'em . . .
Gimme your lighter . . .
I couldn't say where she's coming' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
She stroll on over, say look here, bum,
I got a forty dollar bill say you can't make me cum
(Y'jes can't do it)
I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
An' you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Some Dinah-Moe
An' a little Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' a little Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' some Dinah-Moe
An' a Dinah-Moe again
An' Dinah-Moe
An' Dora too, lil' Dinah 'n Dora
An' Dinah-Moe
Kiss my aura, Dinah

Top Frank Zappa, Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Sam with the showing scalp flat top,
particular about the point it made.
Why, when I was knee-high to a grasshopper,
this black juice came out on a hard shelf
chin.
called that 'tobacco juice'.
I used to fiddle with my back feet music for a black onyx.
My black tarred
room absorbed every echo..
The music was.. thud like. The music was.. thud like.
I usually played such things as roughneckin thug
Opaque melodies that would bug most people.
Music from the other side of the fence.
A black swan figurine lay on all color lily pads.
On a little conglomeration table of pressed black felt.
With same color shadows, and seamed(?) knobbed knees, and what-nots.
The long hallway rolled out into oddball odd.
Beside the fly-pecked black doorway,
that looked closed on the tar-lattice street.
Up a wrought iron fire escape.
Rolled out a tiny wooden platform with
dark, hard, dark rubber wheels.
Roll, skreek! Roll, skreek! Roll, skreek!
Sam with the showing scalp flat top,
particular about the point it made.
Sam was a BASKET CASE!
A hardened dark ivory clip held.. saleable everyday pencils.
I wish I had a pair 'o bongos!
Bongo Fury! Bongo Fury!
Oowwwww! Bongo Fury!
(boogie!)

Top Frank Zappa, Cruisin' For Burgers

Top Frank Zappa, Dark Water!

Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: Yeah, it's trying to say something . . .
Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k-k-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: I know . . . It's not trying to say something to us at all . . . It's trying to say something to the pig
John: Dark water . . .
Spider: I forget . . . It's . . .
John: Dark water on top of the muck

Top Frank Zappa, White Ugliness

Arf arf arf!
I whipped the teeth out.
I had to fight back and hit 'em, like..., you know...,
hit 'em and hit 'em and hit 'em and kick 'em and kick 'em.
Did he get on top of you?
No, I fought so back, hard back and...
Hard back?
White!
White?
Yeah, white ugliness.
Did it have teeth?
And it was two, it was two boogiemen along the side of 'em.
I really bunked into 'em.
I had to, I had to kick,
I had to fight to four or five boogiemen in front of me...
Well, maybe he can turn into...
One of 'em could maybe be, uh killed.
Yes, but I've heard these ponies are really vicious.
I know, but, I know they're vicious, but I...
These claws!
He doesn't have people doing it.
They get on top of you and they just tear you apart.
I know...
But I hope they don't get 'em.
Ponies...if, if, if...
Was it white? 're you sure?...it wasn't white,
I mean uh...black, uh...
But I was too scared to notice their physical...
...gold or something...
...I was too, I was too scared to no-no-no-notice their physical,
ah, appearance, 'cause they...they...they were attackin' me!
They were?
They were attackin' me.
What were they doin' to you?
They were, they were, they were come and surrounding me
and attackin' me and I had to fight back and fight,
fight and fight back and pick up sticks.
Pick up sticks?
Yes, pick up sticks.
I used to play that game, Pick Up Sticks.
Me too, did you ever play that game?
Yeah! That's funny! Ha Ha Ha!
Now anyway, yes, pony, or president, or popes, I don't know.
Something out there is dangerous.
Could be a cigar or somethin'
A cigar!
A cigar? No, you're insane, come on!
No no.
I remember when I was ah, well, I don't remember.
Those were the days!
That was before the days it will forces.
Yes, before the days ah eh, ponies or boogiemen or somethin'.
What's out there?
But then it was a...what was it then?
Newspapers.
Noooo...
Sure!
Positive.
You had to have 'em.
No no no...
You've got one right in your nose right now!
Hah hah hah!
Zzzzzzz, scratchin' 'em...
Well, I'm gettin' tired...
We should, we should go to sleep...
I just hope he comes back...
I think I'll pray for him...
I think I'll join you...
You do yours and I'll do mine...
Ha Ha Ha!
We hope for the best.
Ha Ha Ha!
(Alfred Motorhead).
Now I lay me down to sleep.

Top Frank Zappa, Cocaine Decisions

Top Frank Zappa, The Jazz Discharge Party Hats

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals, drum machine)
Steve Vai (guitar, acoustic guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (vocals)
Bob Harris (boy soprano)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (keyboards, bass, micro bass, rhythm guitar)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Dick Fegy (mandolin)
Marty Krystall (saxophone)
Once upon a time
It was in Albuquerque, New Mexico
There were these girls that worked at the college
The were really cool...
(They thought so anyway)
The would be delighted to tell you how suave they where
At the drop of a hat
There was three of 'em:
One of them thought she was a Beauty Queen...
The other one was a Walking Blow-Job
And then there was this skinny girl...
Oh well...
Some of the guys in the band got together
With the girls from the college
They were having a good time...
(We were in Alburquerque for a couple of days)
But these girls thought they were Hot Shit
'N wouldn't pooch the guys in the band
On the first day, so...
A couple of the guys in the band
Who were desparate for THAT KIND OF ACTION
Kept workin' on 'em for two days
(Which is a waste of fuckin' time anyway...)
So, anyway...
But if that's your idea of a good time, what the hey?
Send those pants up here!
Here's some more!
Okay, good-good!
Traditional cotton...oh, how sweet!
Umf...huh-huh-huh-huhhh...
HERE! Work these!
Anyway...
We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico...
A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go nameless
Because their girlfriends might find out
Decided they were gonna work the wall on these girls
From the college
So, one night...it was the first night
When they were still trying to 'get it in there'
(Ya know what I mean? Huh-huh-huh-huh...)
The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the band
She says, well, to several of the guys in the band
And one of the T-shirt guys too...
"HEY! LET'S GO SKINNY-DIPPING!"
At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotel
That's right, your heard right,
Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel...
It was so fun...
But the water was very, very cold!
So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny
'N' probably totally insensitive to climatic changes
Took all of her garments off and she jumped in the pool
And she says, "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!"
Well, one of them did...
The other one was too smart for that shit
So him and the T-shirt guy say by the edge of the pool
And when the girl who was really skinny
(And insensitive to climatic changes)
Took off her clothes and jumped in the pool
She threw her pants over there by the little table
Well, one of the guys in the band picked up het panties
(He told me later the stuff in the bottom
Was like punching an eclair...)
Anyhow...there was nothing else to do...
It was Alburquerque, New Mexico
It's two o'clock in the morning...
They're not going to get any nooky anyway...
So this one guy and the T-shirt guy
Started sniffing the girl's panties...
They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue...
Sniffing every 'thing' that adhered to these
Delightful little morsels
(Some of you might think this is weird...
No wonder. It's not exactly normal, but
What the fuck?)
So, they're snorting it...
(Hey! It's the twentieth century...
Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it,
So long as it doesn't cause a murder...)
So they're snorting the pants
'N' then they put them on their heads...
They were having a good time...
The girl was in the water...she didn't even see
What was going on with her underpants...
They were wearing the pants
It looked just like a tiny little party hat...
Their ears were sticking out the side...it was so fun
Later on they discovered,
This would make a great way of life for them...
They would go from town to town, looking for panties
They would take the panties after they were hung up
On the clothes line
Later on they would take 'em back in the dressing room
They would play with them...
They would fetish the underpants...
They would snort every little morsel attached
To the underpants...and then...they would feel that
They were FULFILLED
And so you can see,
That what we're doing here on stage
Is part of a Great American Tradition
The tradition of the

Top Frank Zappa, The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou

Top Frank Zappa, Sex

Top Frank Zappa, The Dangerous Kitchen

Top Frank Zappa, We Are Not Alone

Top Frank Zappa, Andy

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, lead vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, lead vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
Is there anything good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there?
Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh
Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know,
really wanna know...
Something
Anything
Something
Anything
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind
Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind

Top Frank Zappa, The Radio Is Broken

Top Frank Zappa, Tink Walks Amok

Top Frank Zappa, Soft-Sell Conclusion

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
A lot of people don't bother about their
friends in the vegetable kingdom. They
think: Oh, ah, what can I say? What can
a person like myself say to a vegetable?
But the answer is simple, my friends:
Just call, and tell them how you feel
about muffins...pumpkins...wax
paper...Caledonia, Mahoganies, elbows
...green things in general...and
soon, a new rapport...you and your
new little green and yellow buddies,
grooving together...Oh, no! Maintaining
your coolness together! Worshipping
together in the church of your
choice...(only in America...)
Call any vegetable Call it by name
Aw, you gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
WOW! That the vegetable will RESPOND to you
Oh, no! Can you see them responding? The
pumpkin is breathing hard...h-h-h-h
h-h-h-H-H-H-H-H-H-H - H - HHHHHHHHHHHH!

Top Frank Zappa, Shut Up 'n' Play Yer Guitar

FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice]
Bozzio: He'd been out here a long time, you know, I wonder if he's really . . . entertained by this

Top Frank Zappa, Son Of Suzy Creamcheese

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy you were such a sweetie
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Once you were my one and only
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Blow your mind on too much Kool-aid
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Took my stash and left me lonely
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
What's got into ya?
Got to find my Suzy Creamcheese
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Think I'll go and start my car
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Really dig her, she's so freaky
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Heard The Heat knows where you are
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
What's got into ya?
Cruised the Strip and went to Canter's
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, please come home
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Vito said she split for Berkeley
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Protest-marching Styrofoam
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now

Top Frank Zappa, Someplace Else Right Now

Gilly: I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be?
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh, I don't know
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I like strings a whole lot
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: (sigh)
Girl #1: Huh? Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh it's so hard
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I can't think of anything else
Girl #1: Hmm
Gilly: The piano, a drum, strings
Motorhead: These strings are so tempting
Roy: Uh huh
Gilly: That's it exactly

Top Frank Zappa, Status Back Baby

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
I'm losing status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school
WAH WAH WAH WAH
I was the king of every school activity
But that's no more...
Oh mama, what will come of me?
The other night we painted posters
We played some records by the coasters
WAH WAH WAH WAH
A bunch of pom-pom girls
Looked down their nose at me
They had painted tons of posters, I had painted three
I hear the secret whispers Everywhere I go
My school spirit is at an All time low
I'm losing status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school
WAH WAH WAH WAH
Everyone in town knows I'm a handsome football star
I sing and dance and spray my hair And drive a Shiny car
I'm friendly and I'm charming I belong to De Molay
I'm gonna try like mad to Get my status back today
Status back, Baby, Status back, Baby

Top Frank Zappa, Soup 'n Old Clothes

Top Frank Zappa, Farther O'blivion

Special delivery ... registered mail ...
you're gonna hafta sign for this buddy ...
come on out ... I know you're in there !
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted ... phooey !
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted.
Roller skates in disco is a lot of fun.
I'm too young'n stupid to operate a gun.
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted.
My sister don't wanna get drafted
she don't wanna go ... sister don't wanna get drafted
my sister don't wanna get drafted
she don't wanna go ... sister don't wanna get drafted.
Wars are really ugly
they're dirty an' they're cold
I don't want nobody
to shoot her in the fox hole
fox hole.

Top Frank Zappa, Stolen Moments

[Trumpet solo by Walt Fowler
Frauenthal Auditorium, Muskegon, Michigan
March 1, 1988
Auditorium Theatre, Chicago
March 3, 1988]

Top Frank Zappa, Fifty fifty

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ralph Humphrey (drums)
Sal Marquez (trumpet, vocals)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer)
Ruth Underwood (marimba, vibes, percussion)
Ian Underwood (flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone)
Jean-Luc Ponty (violin, baritone violin)
Ricky Lancelotti (vocals)
Well, my dandruff is loose
An' my breath is chartreuse
I know I ain't cute
An' my voice is ka-poot
But that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say
Ain't gonna sing you no love song
How my heart is all sore
Will not beg your indulgence
'Cause you heard it before
But that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say
I have taken your time
I have sung you my song
Ain't no great revelation
But it wasn't too long
But that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty

Top Frank Zappa, Flowing Inside out

Spider: Flowing inside out creates neutral energy. Now, that makes the light get thick. Then you've got this converter, and what that does, is, it takes this really thick light and . . . it rams it into this little compressor which then sucks the water out so that it envelops the bathtub in this big halo . . .
FZ: A halo of mu-messons
Spider: A halo of mu-mesons. And the whole problem here is that all you have to do is take that little modulator out and . . . uh . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Food Gathering In Post industrial America, 1992

'Food Gathering In Post-Industrial America, 1992.'
When the last decrepit factory has dumped its final load of toxic waste into the water supply and shipped its last badly manufactured, incompetently designed consumer thing, we gaze in astonishment as the denizens of NU-PERFECT AMERICA, dine on rats
(mmmmm), poodles, Styrofoam packing pellets, all floating in a broth of tritium-enriched sewage, roasting the least diseased body parts of abandoned wild children accumulating since the total ban on abortion a few years back.

Top Frank Zappa, For Calvin

Janet ferguson (vocals)
Sal marquez (vocals)
Mike altschul (woodwinds)
Earl dumler (woodwinds)
Tony "bat man" ortege (woodwinds)
Joanne caldwell mcnabb (woodwinds)
Johnny rotella (woodwinds)
Fred jackson (woodwinds)
Sal marquez (brass)
Malcolm mcnabb (brass)
Bill byers (brass)
Ken shroyer (brass)
Ernie track (brass)
Bob zimmitti (percussion)
Alan estes (percussion)
Don preston (mini-moog)
Frank zappa (guitar)
Tony duran (guitar)
Erroneous (bass)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Where did they go?
When did they come from?
What has become of them now?
How much was the leakage
From the drain in the night
And who are those dudes in the
Back seat of calvin’s car?
Where did they go?
When they got off the car?
Did they go get sandwich
And eat in the dark?

Top Frank Zappa, Frank Zappa

Top Frank Zappa, Friendly Little Finger

[includes a quote from Bringing In The Sheaves (Shaw/Minor)]

Top Frank Zappa, Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar Some More

[Guitar solo from Inca Roads
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 18, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]

Top Frank Zappa, Gee, I Like Your Pants

FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
Identify your last port of entry, space wanderer . . .

Top Frank Zappa, The Nancy & Mary Music

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Ian Underwood (electric piano)
George Duke (electric piano, vocals)
Jeff Simmons (bass, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie (vocals)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, The Clap

Frank Zappa (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Cheap Thrills

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Darling, darling, please hear my plea
God only knows what your loving does to me...
Cheap thrills in the back of my car
Cheap thrills, how fine they are
Cheap thrills up and down my spine
I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine now
Cheap thrills all over the seat
Cheap thrills, your kind of lovin' can't be beat
Cheap thrills up and down my spine
I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine now
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills, I can't wait another day
Cheap thrills, you gotta try to sneak away
Cheap thrills up and down my spine
I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills set fire to my soul
Cheap thrills, like a story untold about
Cheap thrills up and down my spine
I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills in the back of my car
Cheap thrills, how fine they are
Cheap thrills up and down my spine
I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine
Cheap thrills all over the seat
Cheap thrills, your kind of lovin' can't be beat
Cheap thrills up and down my spine
I need it, I need it, 'cause it feels so fine
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills
Cheap thrills

Top Frank Zappa, Anything

Top Frank Zappa, Any Way The Wind Blows (in album Cruising With Rub

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Anyway the wind blows is fine with me
Anyway the wind blows, it don't matter to me
'Cause I'm thru with the fussin' and fightin' with you
I went out and found a woman who is gonna be true
She makes me oh so happy now, I'm never ever blue
Anyway the wind blows is fine with me
Anyway the wind blows it don't matter to me
'Cause she treats me like she loves me
And she never makes me cry
I'm gonna stick with her till the day I die
She's not like your baby, she would never ever lie
Anyway the wind blows, is fine with me
Anyway the wind blows, it don't matter to me
Now I'm going to go away and leave you standin' at the door
I'll tell you this baby, I won't be back any more
'Cause you don't even know what love is for
Anyway the wind blows, anyway the wind blows
Anyway the wind blows, anyway the wind blows

Top Frank Zappa, No No No

Top Frank Zappa, This Ain't CNN

Frank Zappa (synclavier)
Ensemble Modern
Ich bin grad reinkommen
(I just came in)
und da hab i gsehn, dass
(and I noticed that)
da so viel Platz is
(there is so much room here)
[someone says that this is not the 'UN man..']
Ich versteh kein Wort
(I don't understand a word)
Ich bin do in dem Klavier
(I am in this piano and )
drinne und's klingt so komisch
(it sounds so strange)
[someone says 'this ain't CNN'...]
Do kommt ma scho rum in dem Klavier
(you sure get around in this piano)
[someone says 'my fist speaks English...']
I net, i net, wenn i red no red i
(Not me, not me, when I speak I do)
scho bayrisch
(speak bavarian)
[A different voice in German:]
Bevor ich hier reingekommen
(Before I came in here, I had a)
bin, da hab ich ein Patrami
(Pastrami sandwich,)
sandwich gegessen, es war gut
(it was good)
Gebt's ihm doch ein Pony,
(Give him a Pony, yes, give him)
jo, gebt's ihm ein Pony
(a Pony)
[then they talk about 'room service' and how to make a phone call from a payphone.]
Ah, a Zahltelefon
(Ah, a payphone)
[You hear again a different voice in German. This is a commercial for a German phone service company:]
Telefonkarte
(Phone credit card)
Qualitaet und Sicherheit
(Quality and security)
aus einer Hand
(from one source)
Wir sind Deutschlands
(We are Germany's)
Kommunikationsgesellschaft
(communication company)
Drei Null Eins Eins Null Drei Eins Eins Drei Sechs
(3 0 1 1 0 3 1 1 3 6)
Qualitaet und Sicherheit
(Quality and security)
aus einer Hand
(from one source)
TELECOM
(TELECOM)
[then it goes on until 'Rap .. HIP HOP ...']
Sonate - das ist Musik
(Sonata (or serenade?)- that's music)
Mozart, Mozart
Mondscheinsonate
(Moonlight serenade)
Des klingt so grauenhaft
(This sounds so awful)
des moecht i fei nimmer hoeren
(I don't want to hear this anymore)

Top Frank Zappa, Would You Go All The Way?

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (electric piano)
George Duke (trombone)
Jeff Simmons (bass)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie (vocals)
Remember Freddie and Joe
The night she went to the show.
a monster movie.
Clutchin at your hand.
wait ten seconds
Clutchin at your arm.
wait ten seconds
Clutchin at your elbow.
wait ten seconds
Where did your brassiere go?
The monster came out
Everybody shout.
People all around you
Screaming at the monster
The monster from the USO.
Who is this dude with his hair straight back
His new white socks, And his pants all black, His tee shirt rolled,
His watch is gold,
A '55 Chevy that his brother just sold.
With his arm around your waist
And his hand is in your pants
And he asks you for a date
To the servicemans dance.
Suppose you don't wanna.
What can you do?
With a joker like that
Got his hands on you?
Oh baby
T-t-t-tell me, baby
Would you go all the way,
for the USO?
Would you go all the way,
for the USA?
Would you go all the way,
for the USO?
Lift up your dress if the answer is no!
Would you go all the way,
for the USA?
Would you go all the way,
for the USA?
Would you go all the way,
for the USA?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way,
for the USA?
Would you go all the way,
for the USA?
Would you go all the way,
for the USA?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?

Top Frank Zappa, Twenty Small Cigars

Frank Zappa (guitar, harpsichord)Ian Underwood (piano)Max Bennet (bass)John Guerin (drums)(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Transylvania Boogie

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Ian Underwood (organ)
Max Bennet (bass)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, You Are What You Is (in album Thing-fish)

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
ENSEMBLE: (displaying Dummy #1)
Do you know what you are?
THING-FISH:
Dat what I ast ya!
ENSEMBLE:
You are what you is You is what you am
THING-FISH:
And DAT de trufe!
ENSEMBLE:
(A cow don't make ham...)
THING-FISH:
I meant dat now!
ENSEMBLE:
You ain't what you're not
THING-FISH:
Not even hardly...
ENSEMBLE:
So see what you got
THING-FISH:
And you got a lot o' lookin' t'do, junior!
ENSEMBLE:
You are what you is
THING-FISH:
Dat entirely TOO CORRECT!
ENSEMBLE:
An' that's all it 'tis!
THING-FISH:
Uh-HUHHHH!
ENSEMBLE:
A foolish young man
THING-FISH:
Bring dat dummy ovuh heah 'n show it to 'em!
ENSEMBLE:
Stashed away in SAN QUENTIM Ate de mys'try potatoes
THING-FISH:
Told ya 'bout dem 'taters!
ENSEMBLE:
EVIL PRINCE was inventin' Now he talk like de THING-FISH
THING-FISH: (manipulating the dummy)
("Hmmmm, Saffiiiee!")
ENSEMBLE:
An' he look like a MAMMY!
THING-FISH: (manipulating the dummy)
("See de mammy, now! See de mammy, now!")
ENSEMBLE:
His fav'rit CO-LOG-NUMM...
THING-FISH:
Smell like...
SISTER POTATO HEAD BOBBY BROWN, SISTER GHENGHIS ADONIS OSMOSIS, SISTER JASMINE NOXEMA TAPIOCA:
CHITLINS!
ENSEMBLE:
Is de one dey call 'SAMMY'!
THING-FISH:
One-Adam-Twelve...see de mammy...
ENSEMBLE:
He finally layin'
THING-FISH:
Armed 'n dangerous, reproach wit cautium!
ENSEMBLE:
De whole thang down, 'Cept de NIVEA LOTIUM!
THING-FISH:
Rub it on good, now!
ENSEMBLE:
An de ROYAL CROWN!
THING-FISH:
Take good care o' dat "ASH"!
ENSEMBLE:
Do you know what you are?
THING-FISH:
You's a wimp...she's a shrew!
ENSEMBLE:
You are what you is
THING-FISH:
Got dat?
ENSEMBLE:
You is what you am
THING-FISH:
One-Adam-Twelve, see de mammy agin'!
ENSEMBLE:
(A cow don't make ham...)
THING-FISH:
And it never will...
ENSEMBLE:
You ain't what you're not,
THING-FISH:
Unless SCIENCE do somethin' 'bout it!
ENSEMBLE:
So see what you got!
THING-FISH:
I KNOW dey woikin' on it...
ENSEMBLE:
You are what you is,
THING-FISH:
Underneath VIRGINIA!
ENSEMBLE:
An' that's all it 'tis!
THING-FISH:
BOOG-BOOGMMM, Dano..."MAMMY ONE"! They toss dummy #1 into the wings, an d introduce dummy #2 to HARRY & RHONDA. Their torture-chairs, (on a rolling platform), are wheeled to center stage. The action takes place all around them.
ENSEMBLE: (showing Dummy #2)
A foolish young man
Of de negro persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He trade his dashiki
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON: (manipulating the dummy)
("Uhuru!")
ENSEMBLE:
For some Jordache Jeans!
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself:
"I AIN'T NO..."
THING-FISH:
"NIGNINT!"
ENSEMBLE:
NO MORE...HEY! HEY! HEY!"
THING-FISH:
One-Adam-Twelve, see de "NIGNINT" wit knife... proceed wif cautium...knife may be open...
ENSEMBLE:
BWANA MA-COO-BAH
HARRY:
All Right! Let's go!
ENSEMBLE:
MERCEDES BAINNNZZZZZ!
ENSEMBLE:
Who is who?
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON: (singing)
I don't know...
ENSEMBLE:
'N what is what
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Somethin' I just don't know...
ENSEMBLE:
'N why is this
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Tell me now...
ENSEMBLE:
Appropriot
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
That's a funny pronunciation, If'n ever I heard one!
ENSEMBLE:
If you don't like
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Where'd you get that word?
ENSEMBLE:
What you has got
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Appropriot? The word is not!
ENSEMBLE:
Drop it in the dirt
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Drop it, yeah!
ENSEMBLE:
'N let it rot
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I can smell it now!
ENSEMBLE:
Someone else
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Here de come, here de come!
ENSEMBLE:
Will surely come
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I told you he was comin'!
ENSEMBLE:
'N pick it up
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
That's right!
ENSEMBLE:
'Cause he wants some
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
An' he wants it for free!
ENSEMBLE:
And when one day
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
There will come a day!
ENSEMBLE:
You wonder who
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I wonder too!
ENSEMBLE:
You used to was
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Who I was, anyway!
ENSEMBLE:
'N what you do
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I used to work at the post office!
ENSEMBLE:
You'll scratch your head
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
But I don't wanna un-do my doo!
ENSEMBLE:
'N look around
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
To see what's goin' on!
ENSEMBLE:
But what you lost
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Can't seem to find it!
ENSEMBLE:
Will not be found
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
A Mercedes Benz!
ENSEMBLE:
Do you know what you are?
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I know!
ENSEMBLE:
You are what you is
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I'm the kinda guy...
ENSEMBLE:
You is what you am
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
That ought to be drivin'
ENSEMBLE:
A cow don't make ham
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
A four-fifty SLC...
ENSEMBLE:
You ain't what you're not
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
A big ol' RED ONE!
ENSEMBLE:
So see what you got
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk!
ENSEMBLE:
You are what you is
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin'!
ENSEMBLE:
An' that's all it is
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Gimme a five dollar bill!
ENSEMBLE:
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
And an overcoat too...
ENSEMBLE:
AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Where's my waitress, yeahhhh!
ENSEMBLE:
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
Robbie, take me to Greek Town!
ENSEMBLE:
AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I'm harder than yer husband; Harder than yer husband!
ENSEMBLE:
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I'm goin' down to White Street, to the Mudd Club, y'all!
ENSEMBLE:
AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
I'm goin' down 'n work the wall! 'N work the floor
ENSEMBLE:
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
SISTER OWL-GONKWIN-JANE COW-HOON:
'N work the pipe, 'N work the wall some more!
ENSEMBLE:
AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS

Top Frank Zappa, Bamboozled By Love

Top Frank Zappa, Panty Rap

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Bob Harris (keyboards, trumpet, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
"Hello there, welcome to the show. No, we are not going to play 'Cheepnis' - that's right - but we are collecting underpants, and we are collecting brassieres, we are collecting small articles of feminine underclothing. We are making a quilt... really - trust me. So here's the deal, if you're a girl and you're wearing a dress, whip 'em off, that's it, see? No problem. Even with a pin... what does it say? 'Nobody's perfect'. I guess so... What we got here? Oh. Now let's see what's on the inside. Uh huh, trainer coos. Okay. S'more, s'more... Underpants, brassieres, just send 'em up, no problem. Oh, you'll warm up to it. If you're wearing pants and you have bikinis on underneath your pants, rip the edges and pull 'em out; if you're wearing those big old ugly cotton jobs go to the toilet and take 'em off, okay? So far, ladies and gentlemen, the response from this particular community has not been especially gratifying. Perhaps you're a little bit too intellectual here. Here's something... tasteful, very tasteful.
.. You'll get into it. Oh, some more - look - it's almost like going to a, well, never mind. Heh, heh, heh. I just want to remind you that you are in direct competition with Chicago, which so far has produced the highest yield of female underclothes of any place in the United States. Oh, here's one, thank you very much. Chicago, if you'll recall, was the town in which we received the very famous Voodoo Butter Underpants... heh, heh... the pants that nearly broke Tommy Mars' neck. As soon as he took a whiff of those, his head went back this far, and he was heard to mutter 'Jeezus'. So, we don't care what kind of condition they're in. What've we got here? 'Twat Book', okay. Uh huh, very good - Zeets, whadduya think? He already has that one... no problem, though. Well, tonight you're gonna be entertained by; Ike Willis on guitar and vocals; Tommy Mars on keyboards and 'Jeezus'. You're also going to be entertaining yourselves a little bit, but don't worry about it. Steve Vai on guitar, vocals and light blue hair"
IKE:
"Another contestant over there".

Top Frank Zappa, Peaches III

Top Frank Zappa, For The Young Sophisticate

Top Frank Zappa, I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellio

Top Frank Zappa, Easy Meat

Top Frank Zappa, Fine Girl

Top Frank Zappa, Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Reb

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Bob Harris (keyboards, trumpet, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Brown shoes don't make it
Brown shoes don't make it
Quit school, why fake it
Brown shoes don't make it
TV dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
Got another year of school
You're okay, he's too weird
Be a plumber
He's a bummer
He's a bummer every summer
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care
That's right
Smile at every ugly
Shine on your shoes and cut your hair
Be a jerk - go to work
Be a jerk - go to work
Be a jerk - go to work
Be a jerk - go to work
Do your job, and do it right
Life's a ball
TV tonight
Do you love it
Do you hate it
There it is
The way you made it
A world of secret hungers
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away
In a drawer in a desk by a Naugahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office
Hratche-plche, hratche-plche
Hratche-plche...
We see in the back
Of the City Hall mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen
Off with her clothes and into a bed
Where she tickles his fancy
All night long
His wife's attending an orchid show
She squealed for a week to get him to go
But back in the bed his teen-age queen
Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene
Baby baby...
Baby baby...
Gimme them cakes now, uh!
If I do, I'm gonna lose my...
And he loves it, he loves it
It curls up his toes
She wipes his fat neck
And it lights up his nose
But he cannot be fooled
Old City Hall Fred
She's nasty, she's nasty
She digs it in bed
That's right
Do it again, ha
And do it some more
Hey, that does it, by golly
And she's nasty for sure
Nasty nasty nasty
Nasty nasty nasty
Only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty
She's a dirty young mind, corrupted
Corroded
Well she's thirteen today
And I hear she gets loaded
If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Frankie?
Well, if she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Frankie?
If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Frankie?
Check this out
Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again, oh baby
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again
She's my teen-age baby
She turns me on
I'd like to make her do a nasty
On the White House lawn
Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup
And boogie 'til the cows come home
Time to go home
Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet the Gurneys and a dozen grey attorneys
TV dinner by the pool
I'm so glad I finished school
Life is such a ball
I run the world from City Hall

Top Frank Zappa, Dance Contest

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Bob Harris (keyboards, trumpet, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
"One of, one of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this particular place, because it has - it has a stage that is conducive to, how you say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing that I really like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen... I gotta figure out something that I can, uh - do you think we should have another dance contest tonight? Oh, hey - the injured person dance contest. Ah, well, let's see...Awright, I'll tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. Okay..."
BUTCH:
"You are great, man - you are great. You are the best, baby. Do 'Dinah-Moe Humm.'"
"All right, now wait a minute - what's your name? Hey, hey - what's your name?"
BUTCH:
"Butch."
"Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's, here's a girl that wants to dance with Butch. What's your name?"
LENA:
"Lena."
"What?"
LENA:
"Lena."
"Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Heh heh. Okay, let's see - that guy there, with his...that - that one there with the teeshirt on - no, no, the other one - this one - no, no - no no no, wait a minute, wait... well, you're - actually, you're very nice, though. Would you like to come up here? ...Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself? You, you're sure you can behave yourself? ...Okay, what's your name?"
GUY:
"Tom, man. (mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble)(gurgle) you (mumble, mmf, etc.)."
GUY:
"Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc."
"Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait..."
GUY:
"(mumble, mmf.) Ugliness! Ugliness!"
OTHER GUY:
"Frank, you're my buddy! Arrgh, mmf."
"Awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin' - there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. Now..."
GUY (BUTCH?):
"Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?"
"Sure. All right, now you - he wants to get his girlfriend - go get your girlfriend."
GIRL:
"Hey Zap!"
"Good to see you again."
GIRL:
"Squeak!"
"I know."
GUY:
"I ain't no fucking queer."
"All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This - they'll be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later."
GUY:
"I'm not a fucking queer."

Top Frank Zappa, Mozart Ballet - Piano Sonata in B flat

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (acoustic piano)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
While the well disciplined Ian Underwood plays selected fragments from Mozarts Piano Sonata In B-flat and we make electric noises, some members of our rocking teen combo will hop around on stage in a grotesque parody of the art of ballet dancing.
Oh you have to carry him. . . .
...you carry him!
Come on, I told everybody
Bok, bok, bickehh!
Bok, bok, bickehh!
Bok, bok, bickehh!
Boy, do I hate chickens!
Bok, bok, bickehh!
Bok, bok, snork, snork, snork
During this part of our extremely zany ballet, Don Preston disguised as a mad scientist will convert the unwilling Motorhead Sherwood into a walking zombie.
Bok, bok, (heh), BOCK!

Top Frank Zappa, Moggio

Top Frank Zappa, Zanti Serenade

(Underwood, Preston, FZ)
[Rainbow Theater, London, England
December 10, 1971]
....

Top Frank Zappa, My Head

Roy Estrada (dialog)
Don Preston (dialog)
Ian Underwood (dialog)
Bunk Gardner (dialog)
Motorhead Sherwood (dialog)
Jimmy Carl Black (dialog)
Arthur Tripp (dialog)
See my head, (no, no more, stop it)
MY HEAD?!!
Hahahaha
Let's see if you can put your knees all the way up to your armpits, Art.
Artie, Artie, Artie. Suck, suck . . .
Sit on his face girl.
Say, say hello baby.
Suckit.
Doonk.
Juice it, juice it..
Get it in.
Lemme see your cock. Oh, Jesus.
White skin, lemme . . .
Look at it man.
One, two, three.
One two three?
Is it succulent?
Ooh, you grabbed a tuft of hair there...
Oooh, I like it (do you?)
Hooh-hoh-ha, Brap!
Come up here, were havin a party.
Oh Artie, oh.
Jizz you, jizz you, Art!
Look out.
Gimme some nose.
Jizz you
Ayyyy
You're gonna tear the fuckin buttons..
Jizz you, jizz you
Owwww.
I didn't even believe it
You didn't believe it?
Oh, look at that.
Boy I didn't believe it.
I didnt even beleeve it.
Oh, that's good.
I didn't even beleeeeve it.
How bout that?
All that hair coming out of me, ...
Happy Birthday, Artie.
How many humps do we give him?
How many humps do we give him?
Twenty four?
Twenty four big ones.
Twenty four big ones.
Twenty four jizzers.
Get one- and one to count.
And one to grow on.

Top Frank Zappa, JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1

Jimmy Carl Black (dialog)
Kanzus J. Kanzus (dialog)
Dick Kunc (dialog)
Dick Barber (dialog)
Hands up!
He he he, wroaa wroaa wroaa
. . . why's he got them two microphones taped together, what if we taped their dicks together? What would they say?
I get a feeling o the blues
(youd have a helluva time gettin' your pants on, I'll tell ya that...)
Oh Lord, since my baby said goodbye (been gonnnnne)
Dee dee dee dee
Lord I don't know what to do
All I do is sit and cry, oh lord
Since them dead-gone days you said goodbye
well lord I thought I would be die...
The beer that made Milwaukee famous
But the Braves didn't hurt it any
She do me, she do you
Shes got the kind of lovin'
Lord I loved to hear when

Top Frank Zappa, Here Lies Love

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Lowell George (guitar, lead vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Here lies love
In a grave caused by jealousy
Here lies love
In a grave caused by jealousy
Hate was a pall bearer
And on the tombstone was written misery
It was a bad situation
From the beginning to the end
It was a bad situation
From the beginning to the end
I say, baby you killed my love
Now the undertaker is your friend
Now I'm sad and I'm blue
There's not much I can do
If these blues don't leave me
The undertaker will get me too
Ooh-hoo here lies love
In a grave caused by jealousy
You know that hate was the pall bearer

Top Frank Zappa, Meow

Ray Collins (tambourine, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Mmmm-meow,
Mmmmmm-meow,
Mmm-meow
Poo-wah
Poo-wah
Poo-wah

Top Frank Zappa, JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2

Top Frank Zappa, German Lunch

Lowell George (dialog)
Jimmy Carl Black (dialog)
Roy Estrada (dialog)
Bunk Gardner (dialog)
Don Preston (dialog)
Motorhead Sherwood (dialog)
Ian Underwood (dialog)
Arthur Tripp (dialog)
Buzz Gardner (dialog)
Frank Zappa (dialog)
Uhh, may I see your papers pleez??
Uhhh, lemme see.
Hand me your suitcase, let me . . . open it.
I'm just a bit nervous you understand.
Open the suitcase.
This hasn't happened . . . too often.
Uh-huh, I see, how many . . . sixty-two packages of cigarettes. Why are you carrying all zees into Germany for? What are you doing this for?
I . . . I . . .
How long have you been livin' in Berlin?
I don't live in Berlin.
Where do you live?
I live in Texas.
Texas?
Texas.
Oh I see, Lyndon Johnson lives in Texas too, does he not?
I know, Sure does.
Ooh, hm this is alright.
You mind . . . Is it alright if I shut my suitcase off?
Shut it off???
Ha, ha ha ha.
Do you care for one of these cigarettes?
Now, who's this lady you are with?
What lady?
This lady here, standing next to you.
Oh, this is uh, this is...
Has she has papers too?
PAPERS! Lemme see your papers!
How come you have to yell so much, what did we do?
I don't yell.
Were just trying to get into the country.
This is my country, it's not your country, I'm ? here, I've been standing here for years and years doing zis every time. You making me very angry.
Is this ze Fazerland.
This is ze Fazerland yes.
Listen you ought to check all the Mothers through customs. Hey line up as soon as you finished . . .
Are you through with me, sir?
You may step over here to the right.
Thank you.
My name is Fritz, open the suitcase please?
Just a moment here, just a moment.
What is this there's sixty two copies of Horseshit Magazine. What are you carrying Horseshit Magazine around for . . .
It's a hoax, hold it, hold it here.
What is this. Right there!
Hold it hold it. I'll never forget you Fritz
Alright, next, you may close this now.
Next whos up, uh, here he comes. Who are you? Hand me your paper.
Here's my papers
Your name is Duke? What's this Duke, Duke DeWild. Have you seen many German movies, you ever go to ze movies?
I never go to the movies
What is zis, you bring zees into Germany. Zees are Japanese tools. Why do you bring Japanese tools to Germany where we make the finest tools ever, you, what are you doingk? That's 60 marks for you, oh my God, what's the matter with you?
(coughing)
Oh my God, please please not here. Step . . . . Oh my God, what are you doingk. Oh, who are you, what is your name, hand me your paper. Is your name Larry? Larry Frnoga?
Yes.
Larry Frnoga?
Larry Frnoga
Oh my God, what are you doing, what are you doing zat for?
I'm beating the horse to make it go faster.
That's not a horse that's a table.
What's the difference?
Ha, ha, ha
Don't go too fast, does it, for a table.
What is this? Ohhh, zefrin, CL brand of ah nasal spray. You have a cold? How long have you had a cold?
About a year. (about.)
You had a cold for a year, are you trying to bring a cold into zis country. Oh my God don't cough on me. What is this medal say. Sais Berlin survival award 1968.
That's where I got my cold.
You were here before in Berlin.
That's right.
What, what were you doing in Berlin?
I gave a concert
You gave a concert in Berlin?
That's right.
To whom?
The German people.
The German people
Yes.
Don't take the German people lightly, I say, who is this man here, is it Arthur, Arthur Tripp
Arthur, Arthur
It's a German name is it not?
English
Tripp?
Tripp?
Ja, JA?!
Ja, ja-ja...
Stop giggling, you're having too much fun, you know we arrest people for having to much fun here.
I beg your pardon.
When you come to someone elses country do you run around on the grass and make it dirty everywhere you go?
No, I stick pretty close to the bars.
You know you people all look... bars?
We have a lot of bars here
Ysure do. Heh-heh, scuze me if I laugh.
Don't laugh.
Alright I'll do that.
Who is this man here, the other man?
He's our leader.
He is your leader?
Wh-what is his function and how does he lead you?
He directs us by with signals various vocal noises.
Vocal noises? Vat are some of the noises?
Eh, peep.
Peep?
Poowah.
Pooowahhhhhh
I see you all are very well organised, we all like order in Germany you know. You have such a pleasant smile, may I see your papers?
You see I don't exactly have my papers with me I.
You don't have papers?
I may have left them in my other bag.
He has no papers huh.
He has no papers.
I mean if there was something I could do for you.
Do you have any identification.
Identification, lemme see.
It's a nice watch you have on.
Wa ist los?
It used to have a Mickey Mouse there, I...
I tell you what I'll do.
If if if you give me zat watch.
Nein.
That's a very strange german accent.
Ja ha ha ha.
Are you sure . . .
Are you from Strabourg or was
He's a russian spy, he's a Russian I think.
I think so.
Get Him.
Hands Up!
Oh God.
What's goin on?
You want an enema?
No I'll take a cheeseburger.
Why is the bow-tie goink from your neck.
I'm practicing to fly.
Why is everyone in this group having bow ties going from ze neck?
They're all weird.
Gimme your watch.
I still don't trust this guys accent.
Who is this, who, who? Come here, come over here. Do you have a suitcase.
We must watch this one.
We must watch this one, right. Let's open the suitcase.
Awright. What is this, oh, you too carry many cigarette. What is this lyrics. Ah these are lyrics:
My guitar wants to kill you mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when he makes me mad
This is very good, this is very normal, German lyrics. You're all welcome to our country.
Ha ha ha.

Top Frank Zappa, Geneva Farewell

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Okay, if you throw anything else on the stage, the concert is over.
Cherchez les personnes qui jettaient les cigarettes sur l'stage, s'il vous plait. Et ne jettez pas les objets sur le stage. Ne jettez pas les objets. Cherchez les personnes qui jettaient les cigarettes sur l'stage, s'il vous plait.

Top Frank Zappa, You There, With The Hard On!

Howard: You, you there with the hard on!
FZ: With the hard on the little napkin in the small pocket mirror, would you please rise . . .
Mark: Brian Hyland, ladies and gentlemen!
Howard: Sit down, Aynsley! Not you
?: Shut up!
FZ: Ready?
Mark: Yes
FZ: Quick! Before these people [beware]

Top Frank Zappa, You Got Your Armies

Jeff: Let me tell you right now, man, you got your armies, you got your rock bands.
You try and turn a rock band into an army, this is what you get

Top Frank Zappa, Dancin Fool

Top Frank Zappa, City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't Do That On

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Gonna keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny sheets
Talkin' bout the tiny cookies
That the peoples eats
Well city of tiny lites
Maybe you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere
You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver liney
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
City of tiny lites
Do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-nt you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
Whe-e-e-e-e-e-e-n they tiny blow
Tiny, lightnin
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Tiny blankets
Are bound to keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Talkin' bout those tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Ooooo!
Talkin' bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eats
City of tiny lights
May be you should know
Thats its over there
Well that is over there
Say that it's over there
Well it is over there

Top Frank Zappa, F.Z.\JCB Drum Duet

Frank Zappa (drums)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Doreen (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymor

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Doreen, don't make me wait till tomorrow
No, no
Please darlin' let me love you tonight
And it'll be alright
You can't make me say I don't want you
No, no
My heart is burnin' with love
And I want you tonight
I really love you
You make me feel good
Please don't deceive me
Doreen you know
You should stay with me always
We could be lovers
Doreen your different
Then all the ... others
Doreen, don't make me wait till tomorrow
Oh oh no
Please darling
Let me love you tonight
And itll be alright
You can't make me say
I don't want you
Oh oh no
My heart is burnin' with love
And I want you tonight
Said, girl
I want you tonight
Say Doreen I
I want you tonight
You gonna feel no pain baby
I want you tonight
Sweet Doreen I
I want you tonight
Open up the door baby
I want you tonight
Sweet Doreen say now
I want you tonight
Its alright , oh please, yeah
I want you tonight
Well . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Baked-Bean Boogie

Frank zappa (lead guitar)
Lowell george (guitar, vocals)
Roy estrada (bass)
Don preston (keyboards)
Buzz gardner (trumpet)
Ian underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy carl black (drums)
Arthur tripp (drums)
(instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, A Pound For A Brown (On The Bus)

Frank zappa (lead guitar)
Ray white (guitar)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Bobby martin (keyboards, saxophone)
Ed mann (percussion)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
(jazz scat)
(instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Chocolate Halvah

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Lowell George (guiro, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Chocolate Halvah
Chocolate Halvah
Chocolate Halvah

Top Frank Zappa, Charles Ives

Top Frank Zappa, A Game Of Cards

Frank Zappa (dialog)
Motorhead Sherwood (dialog)
Arthur Tripp (dialog)
Ian Underwood (dialog)
They're really getting professional now. In the dressing room waiting for the Vanilla Fudge to go off Motorhead and Arthur Dyer Tripp the Third are playing cards.
Arthur:
Pair of queens what is this shit?
Motorhead:
Pissy, pissy poop.
Arthur:
Can I go down with two cards?
Motorhead:
Pissy, pissy poop.
Arthur:
Do it this way. Give me a good chance buddy.
Motorhead:
I'll take that sonabitch.
Arthur:
You better not
Motorhead:
I took it.
Arthur:
Oh, you're running for a spade straight, are ya?
Motorhead:
I took it.
Arthur:
Oh, I got your number.
Motorhead:
Oh whaddaya know.
Arthur:
I knew it.
You have any other one I want?
(phhht!)
I hear a Fuzztone.
Wahhh
Motorhead:
You shink evvyzing gonna be awright?
Arthur:

Top Frank Zappa, You Call That Music?

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Lowell George (guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (clarinet)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Dave Samuels (vibes)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Hungry Freaks, Daddy

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Mr. America, walk on by your schools that do not teach
Mr. America, walk on by the minds that won't be reached
Mr. America try to hide the emptiness that's you inside
But once you find that the way you lied
And all the corny tricks you tried
Will not forestall the rising tide of HUNGRY FREAKS DADDY!
They won't go on four no more
Great mid-western hardware store
Philosophy that turns away
From those who aren't afraid to say what's on their minds
The left behinds of the great society
HUNGRY FREAKS, DADDY!
Mr. America, walk on by your supermarket dream
Mr. America, walk on by the liquor store supreme
Mr. America try to hide the product of your savage pride
The useful minds that it denied
The day you shrugged and stepped aside
You saw their clothes, and then you cried,
"Those HUNGRY FREAKS, DADDY!"
They won't go on four no more
Great mid-western hardware store
Philosophy that turns away
From those who aren't afraid to say what's on their minds

Top Frank Zappa, Prelude To King Kong

Ayyy! Yee-hah!
Here's one with your father's moustache, your old cookie jar, rubbers, sneakers, galoshes, belt
buckles, and book covers with the name of your high school neatly imprinted in crimson and gold on the front with a picture of the goal post and last year's queen.

Top Frank Zappa, Pinocchio's Furniture

[Guitar solo from Chunga's Revenge
Berkeley Community Theater
December 5, 1980
engineer: Tommy Fly
FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
O'Hearn: Oh-ho-ho-you don't think so, huh?

Top Frank Zappa, Plastic People

Frank Zappa (vocals, guitar)
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano & baritone saxophones)
(Ladies and Gentlemen...
The President of the United States!
"Fellow Americans...Doot, Doot, Doot..."
He's been sick!--Doot! Doot!
And I think his wife is gonna bring him some chicken soup)
Plastic people!
Oh, baby, now you're such a drag
(I know it's hard to defend an unpopular policy
Every once in a while-- )
Plastic people!
Oh, baby, now you're such a drag
(There's this guy from the CIA he's creeping around Laurel Canyon...)
A fine little girl, she waits for me
She's as plastic as she can be
She paints her face with plastic goo
And wrecks her hair with some shampoo
Plastic people
Oh, baby, now you're such a drag
(I dunno, sometimes I just get tired of ya honey--it's...ah..it's your
...hair spray or something like that...)
Plastic people
Oh, baby, now you're such a drag
(I hear the sound of marching feet...
down Sunset Boulevard to Crescent Heights
and there at Pandora's box, we are confronted with a vast quantity of plastic people...)
Take a day and walk around!
Watch the Nazis run your town!
Then go home and check yourself!
You think we're singing 'bout someone else!
But you're Plastic People
Oh, Baby, now
You're such a drag
Me see a neon moon above
I searched for years, I found no love
I'm sure that love will never be
A product of Plasticity
A product of Plasticity
A product of Plasticity
PLASTIC, PLASTIC PEOPLE--PLA-HA-HA-HA
HA-PLASTIC--You are--your foot--your hair
--your nose--your arms--you eat-- suck--you love
--you are--your being is--you're plastic--blah
--blah--blah--blah plastic Peoples
-A prune is not a vegetable
--cabbage is a vegetable; makes it O.K.
--plastic people--plastic People
--you drive--- you live in --- you dream about...you think only of...you read...you are...Ooo-Hoo-Hoo...
purple prancing--plastic People- everybody

Top Frank Zappa, What Kind Of Girl Do You Think We Are?

Top Frank Zappa, Any Way The Wind Blows

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Any way the wind blows is-a fine with me
Any way the wind blows, it don't matter to me
'Cause I'm thru with-a fussin' and-a fightin' with-a you
I went out and found a woman who is gonna be true
She makes me oh so happy now, I'm never ever blue
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
She's my heart and soul and she loves me tenderly
Now my story can't be told just how good she is to me
Yes, she treats me like she loves me and she never makes me cry
I'm gonna stick with her 'till the day I die
She's not like you baby, she would never ever lie
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows
Now that I am free from the troubles of the past
Took me much too long to see that our romance couldn't last
I'm gonna go away and leave you standing at the door
I'll tell you pretty baby I won't be back no more
'Cause you don't even know what love is for
Any way the wind blows,
Any way the wind blows,

Top Frank Zappa, Sweet Leilani

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Lowell George (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
The Mothers Of Invention!
Sweet Leilani!
In A
Just pretend it was thirty years ago
And this is the first song of the night
For the kind of a band

Top Frank Zappa, Half A Dozen Provocative Squats

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Half a dozen provocative squats!
Out of the shower she squeezes her spots.
Brushes her teeth.
Shoots a deoderant spray up her twot...
It's getting her
getting her hot.
It's getting her
getting her hot.
Oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh
She's just twenty four
and she can't get off.
A sad, but typical case, yeah.
The last dude to do her
got in and got soft.
She blew it
and laughed in his face, yeah.

Top Frank Zappa, Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Bad Concience:
Does this kind of life look interesting to you? Night after night, dinners with Herb Cohen. Thrill-packed, fun-filled evenings on the French Riviera at the MIDEM convention. A big tie, the whole bit. Watch Mutt eat, and Leon feed the geese. One thousand green business cards, with your name and the wrong address. Plus six royalty statements, inspected and customized by ran toon tan han toon frammet and dee. Followed by twelve potential suicides as the members of your group, past and present, find out they can't collect unemployment. A dog, a car, an epidemic of body lice with your own record company, your name on the door, electric buzzer to the inner office, and owner's tits, and a three month supply of German bookings with tickets on Air Rangoon. Does this kind of life look interesting to you? As a big rock and roll guitar player in a comedy group?
Chorus:
Hunna hunna hunna.
200 Motels. 200 Motels. 200 Motels.
Jeff Simmons:
I'm stealing the room. I'm stealing the room. I'm stealing the room.
Chorus:
???????
???????

Top Frank Zappa, Dew On The Newts We Got

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Chorus:
Dew on the newts we got. Newt money dew.
It's a payment on the rental for the dewy little newts we got.
We got 'em dewy. Left 'em in the yard all night,
though they didn't get uptight.
The little vixens, the saucy little vixens, [? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?].
I know that they did not, did not,

Top Frank Zappa, Dental Hygeine Dilemma

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Bad Concience:
han min noon toon han toon han
Good Concience:
No, Jeff!
Bad Concience:
han toon ran toon ran toon fran min han toon ran toon nan toon fram
Good Concience:
No no no!
Jeff Simmons:
Man! This stuff is great! It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom. Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission.
Good Concience:
Oh, I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, becoming a technicolor interpositive.
Jeff Simmons:
Hmm? Where'd you buy that incense? It's hip.
Good Concience:
It's the same mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on.
Jeff Simmons:
I thought I recognized it. Mmm, what is that, musk?
Good Concience:
Jeff, I know what's good for you.
Jeff Simmons:
Right. You're heavy.
Good Concience:
Yes Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don't rip off the towels Jeff!
Bad Concience:
Kiss off, you little nitwit.
Jeff Simmons:
Hey man, what's the deal?
Good Concience:
Don't listen to him Jeff, he's no good. He'll make you do bad things!
Jeff Simmons:
You mean, he'll make me sin?
Good Concience:
Yes, Jeff. SIN!
Jeff Simmons:
Wow!
Bad Concience:
Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you. About your soul.
Good Concience:
No, don't listen Jeff.
Bad Concience:
Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music?
Jeff Simmons:
You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group.
Good Concience:
Comedy music.
Bad Concience:
Jeff, your soul!
Jeff Simmons:
In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music. He eats!
Bad Concience:
Jeff!
Jeff Simmons:
I get so tense.
Bad Concience:
Of course you do my boy.
Jeff Simmons:
The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall.
Bad Concience:
That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ.
Jeff Simmons:
And quit the group!
Bad Concience:
You'll make it big!
Jeff Simmons:
That's right.
Bad Concience:
Of course!
Jeff Simmons:
And then I won't be small!
Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest mildew rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions. It's still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It's made for the home! The office! On fruits!
Bad Concience:
This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like Grand Funk, or Black Sabbath.
Good Concience:
No, Jeff. ??:
[?We're coming]
Good Concience:
Peace. Love.
Bad Concience:
Bollocks.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
What can I say about this elixir?
Mark Volman:
Jeff has gone out there on that stuff!
Bad Concience:
He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis.
Mark Volman:
That was Billy the Mountain, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff _is_ flipping out. Road fatigue! We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie.
Bad Concience:
You have a brilliant career ahead of you my boy. Just get out of this group!
Mark Volman:
Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group. Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension.
Howard Kaylan:
Jeff, Jeff it's me the Phlorescent Leech!
Mark Volman:
Jeff, Jeff it's me, Eddie!
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Wowwww! What can I say about this elixir?
{note: the following three paragraphs are simultaneous and with wildly} {fluctuating pitch. A turntable with a detachable drive is still a useful} {tool! -cgk}
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, [? ? ? ?], and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your [? ? ?], and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your... heh. On your pizza. Put it on your shoes, tie your mic with it, and fill up your tires with it.
Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a tie-die kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a...
Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe you puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. [?] it.
What?
Wowwwwww!
What can I?
Wowwwwww!
What? What can I say about this?

Top Frank Zappa, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car?
Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car?
She's such a dignified lady,
she's so pretty and soft.
You can't call her a Groupie,
it just pisses her off.
She's got diamonds and jewelry,
she's got lotsa new clothes.
She ain't hurtin' nobody,
so that everyone knows,
that she knows what she wants,
knows what she likes.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Look out... she's got her eyes on you.
She left her place after midnight,
she drove to the club.
You know that her and her partner,
came here lookin' for love.
They want a guy from a group
That's got a thing in a charts
If his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
They will give him their hearts.
'Cause they know what they want,
And they know what they like.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Look out... she's got her eyes on you.
FAM-BAM-YAK-A-TA-TAHHH!
They know what they want,
They know what they like.
Daddy, daddy, daddy...oooh
Daddy, daddy, daddy...oooh
Daddy, daddy, daddy...oooh.
Aw right, you got 'em screamin' all night,
screamin' all night.
Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car?
( Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do, do it? )
Ooo-ooo, do you like my new car?
Do it, do it, d'ya wanna-wanna do, do it? )

Top Frank Zappa, Centerville

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Centerville.
A real nice place to raise your kids up.
Centerville.
It's really neat!
Churches.
Churches, and liquor stores.

Top Frank Zappa, A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Female Soprano:
Why don't you strap on this here bunch of cardboard boxes daddy-o?
Chorus:
Joy of my desiring
Female Soprano:
You certainly look suave and get me hot.
Chorus:
Hot hot. Get me hot
Female Soprano:
And horny.
If there's one thing I really get off on,
it's a nun suit painted on some old boxes.
Chorus:
Some old melodies.
Female Soprano:
Four-four... an aura
Chorus:
An areola
Female Soprano:
Pink gums. Stumpy gray teeth.
Chorus:
Dental floss.
Female Soprano:

Top Frank Zappa, Lost In A Whirlpool

Captain Beefheart (vocals)
Bobby Zappa (rhythm guitar)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Well, I'm lost in a whirlpool
Yeah, baby, my head is goin' round
Well, ever since my baby flushed me
Oh, I been goin round, yeah around and around
Well, I'm lost in this whirlpool
I keep goin' down and down
There's a big brown fish
Lookin at me
He aint got no eyes
How could that motherfucker possibly see
Ooh, baby baby
I'm gonna be afraid it gonna touch me
Well I'm lost in this whirlpool
Oh, I can't even see
Baby, won't you come help me
Pour some drano down,
and get the plunger right after me
I'll let you know a little secret, baby
I'm gettin' tired of all this pee
Don't go strange, mother goose

Top Frank Zappa, Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up (In Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her, yeah
You know I love her
Lucille
She messed my mind up, yeah
But I still love her, yeah
You know I love her
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
I'm sayin':
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
You got me goin' out of my mind
Lucille
She tore my heart up
But I still need her
You know I need her, yeah
Lucille
Tore my heart up
But I still need, I need her
You know I need her
I'm sayin':
She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs around
And leaves me home
All alone
I'm tellin' you:
She doesn't answer
When I call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm cryin' alla the time
Lucille
Oh oui...my mind up
(My mind up)
I said I love her
(Love her)
I mean it
You know I love her
(I love)
Lucille
My mind up
(My mind up)
Oh, I love her
(Love her)
You know I love her
(I love)
Lucille
Lucille
Lucille

Top Frank Zappa, Luigi And The Wise Guys

You-you-you-ooo
Look like a dor-r-r-k
You act like a dork
Most of the time, also
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
You are a double-dork butt rash
You are a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k!
Nobody wants to ...
You are boring . . . you have nothing to say
You eat cheese - you eat cheese and other things
You can can wrap up an' take with you
From the table
With Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You are a dork
You're a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k
A double-dork butt rash
There's one in every crew - do you know
who you are? We know, but we won't tell you
We don't want to hurt your feelings
But you're a dor-r-r-r-k!
Might as well admit it
When you're a dork
You're a dork, by the way
You're a dork
A double
A double dork butt rash
A double butt rash dork
Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You look like a dork
Look like a dork
You act like a dork most of the time
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
Double dork
Double dork
Double dork butt rash

Top Frank Zappa, Manx Needs Women

Manx Needs Women
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Martin Lickert's Story

Martin: I just went out to get some cigarettes for him one day and came back and walked into the dressing room and there's Frank and the rest of the Mothers and, uh, Ringo, the other people,
and I walked in the room and they all went, 'Yeah!' And, 'Yeah what?' You know, 'Would, would you like to try Jeff's part?' You know, so I just tried that, and it seemed to work okay
Interviewer: Mm-mmh . . .
Martin: So Frank said, 'Would, you can play, play bass, you can try play into the group as well'
FZ: So he took the script and he read it and it sounded good and then just quite by accident, we found out that he was a bass player and that he's good for the part, is, uh, quite professional on screen and as a bass player he's not astonishing but, uh, he can make the parts

Top Frank Zappa, Massaggio Galore

Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!

Top Frank Zappa, Master Ringo

Dear PFIQ,
Since you printed my question and photo in issue number 29, PFIQ, I have received many letters.
I'm glad I'm retired so I have plenty of time to answer all.
I finally got rid of the smell
Of the deep scrotum piercings
(mumble)
By putting a 5/32-inches barbell and a 5/16-inches ring.
Now, air can get through.
(laughs)
(FZ: Can you stand like that?
Hermann: Maybe I should read the text one whole, because . . . again . . . oh . . .
FZ: Just . . . just say "now, air can get through")
Now, air can get through.
Don't ever quit putting out PFIQ, as it is most enjoy-able.
I have them all
And go over them many times.
You never heard anymore of Carl... Carol, issue n... number 14, I believe?
Keep up the great work. I don't know what to pierce next.
P.S. Do you use 1-percent xylocaine for deep cockhead piercings?
Piercing the head of the cock must be painful.
(OOHH!)
I had the head tattooed and it hurt like hell!
But I didn't want the artist to stop.
Master Ringo

Top Frank Zappa, Montana (Whipping Floss)

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Whipping Post!
Say that again please
Whipping Post!
Whipping Post? Ok, just a second
(Do you know that?)
Oh sorry, we don't know that one
Anything else?
Hum me a few bars of it...please
Just show me how it goes, please
Just sing, sing me Whipping Post
and then maybe we'll play it with you
Ooh-ooh-ooh
Thank you very much
And now...
Judging from the way you sang it,
it must be a John Cage composition, right?
Here we go...Montana
One two, one two three four
I might be movin' to...
Hold it! Hold it!
We can't possibly start the song off like that!
Good god!!!
That's inexcusable!
What happened to you last night?
(George has a tape of it)
George has a tape of it?
Ok, we'll use that in the second show
Ready? Montana...
Wait a minute...Whipping Post
No...Montana
One two, one two three four
It's too fast for you!
One two, one two three four
I might be moving to Helsinki soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
Tying it to the Whipping Post
In the middle of town
But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post
Raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post
Raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post
Well I just might grow me some thongs
But I'd leave the hippy stuff
To somebody else...how 'bout Chester?
And then I would
Get a person
Tie him up
To the Whipping Post
And beat the living shit out of him
So that guy in the audience was satisfied
But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post-Floss
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (how unique!)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(yes, it's such a ballad at this tempo)
Little Booger-bear
Boogers everywhere
And now for the thrilling conclusion to that song...

Top Frank Zappa, Dirty Love

[backing vocals Tina Turner & The Ikettes]
Give me
Your dirty love
Like you might surrender
To some dragon in your dreams
Give me
Your dirty love
Like a pink donation
To the dragon in your dreams
I don't need your sweet devotion
An' I don't want your cheap emotion
Whip me up some dragon lotion
For your dirty love
Your dirty love
Give me
Your dirty love
Like some tacky little pamphlet
In your daddy's bottom drawer
Give me
Your dirty love
I don't believe you never seen
His book before
I don't need no consolation
I don't want your reservation
I only got one destination
An' that's your dirty love
Your dirty love
Give me
Your dirty love
Just like your mama
Make her fuzzy poodle do
(Oh, Frenchie . . . )
Give me
Your dirty love
The way your mama
Make that nasty poodle chew
I'll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little-bo-peep diploma
I'll just put you in a coma
With some dirty love
Some dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Not a speck of cereal!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Nothing but the best for my dog!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Come on!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Little paws sticking up!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Little curly head!)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Little curly tail!)

Top Frank Zappa, Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Female Soprano:
Broth reminds me of nuns.
Chorus:
( Nuns... Nuns...)
Female Soprano:
I see them smashing with rulers
disciplining munchkin cretins.
Tortured munchkins, tortured munchkins
I wish irish catholic victims.
Little green scratchy sweaters,
little green scratchy ones
and courderoy ponce.
Courderoy ponce
and green scratchy munchkin.
I wish irish catholic victims.
Munchkins get me hot.
Munchkins get me get me hot.

Top Frank Zappa, Lonely Little Girl

Top Frank Zappa, Crew Slut

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Backstage at the local Armory, Mary, in her little white dress, is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the P.A. System.
Larry:
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On the mixer's face
Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you
At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing...
Larry:
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
'N' Georgia too
'N' all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know yer sayin' to yourself
'This is the way to go'
'Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
`Cause you're the CREW SLUT
Mary:
Eh, hah ha, I'm into leather...
Larry:
That's good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather...
Mary:
And rubber...
Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer...
Road Crew Chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a...
Mary:
Ha ha ha...
Larry:
You like that, huh?
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!
Road Crew Chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
A present for me?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
Whaddya got?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
Whaddya gonna give me?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry:
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47
You'll love it...
Mary:
With Leather?
Central Scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh...This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again...
And so Mary was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some
Famous Rock Group
(I don't know whether it was really Toad-O or not
...I don't know... I'll check it out)
Again we see
MUSIC
Causing

Top Frank Zappa, Bow Tie Daddy

Top Frank Zappa, Wet T-Shirt Nite

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami. With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks by entering the Wet T-shirt contest at The Brasserie...
Ike:
Looks to me like something funny Is going on around here People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin' Entirely too much for their beer And they all think they are Clean outa-site And they're ready to party 'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE 'N' they all crave some Hot delight Well the girls are excited Because in a minute They're gonna get wet 'N' the boys are delighted Because all the titties Will get 'em upset 'N' they all think they are Reety-awright 'N' they're ready to boogie 'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE 'N' they all crave some Pink delight When the water gets on 'em Their ninnies get rigid 'N' look pretty bold It's a common reaction That makes an attraction Whenever it's cold 'N' all of the fellas They wish they could bite On the cute little nuggets The local girls are showin' off tonite You know I think it serves 'em right You know I think it serves 'em right You know I think it serves 'em right You know I think it serves 'em right And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN I know
you want someone to show you some tit! BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and bought a groovy sport coat and moved to Miami and changed his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
Buddy Jones:
Ah, thanks, IKE... Yes, it's WET T-shirt TIME AGAIN Here at the Brasserie... Home of THE TITS...huh huh... And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park Up next in her bid for the semi-finals... Hi, Mary...howya doin'?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills...confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
Mary:
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him...or even appreciates the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES, like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy more exciting beverages...liquid products that will expand their consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance of Miami By Night...
Buddy Jones:
Where ya from?
Mary:
Ah, the bus...
Buddy Jones:
Which one?
Mary:
You know...the last tour... You know...Leather
Buddy Jones:
Oh...you were the girl stuck to seat 38 Phydeaux III... why don't you get in position and take a deep breath, because this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And Mary's the kind of Red- Blooded American Girl who'll do anything...
Mary:
Anything...
Buddy Jones:
I said anything...for fifty bucks That's right!
Mary:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
Buddy Jones:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed...that's right, you heard right...our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with the most exciting mammalian protuberances...
Mary:
Here I am!
Buddy Jones:
...as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDERGARMENT! Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
Mary:
EEEK!
Buddy Jones:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you...sounds like you just got an ice pick in the forehead...AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD ...a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess...she's totally soaked...yeh, totally committed to the fifty bucks...That's it just step into the spotlight...let the guys get a good look at ya honey!
Mary:
Here I am!
Buddy Jones:
Whaddya say, fellas? Nice setta jugs? Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little...
Mary:
Ooooh!
Buddy Jones:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
Mary:
Oooh! I'm dancing! I'm dancing!
Buddy Jones:
Ain't this what living is really all about! Here's your fifty bucks Mary...
Mary:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
Buddy Jones:
Home is where the heart is.
Mary:

Top Frank Zappa, Bogus Pomp

[includes a quote from Who Needs The Peace Corps?]
8:08
[...]

Top Frank Zappa, Bored Out 90 Over

Motorhead: Bored out .90 over with 3 Stromberg 97's
....

Top Frank Zappa, Botulism On The Hoof

Howard: Oh, that's really great! Botulism on the hoof!
Dick: Don't even look at it, Howard, you're over the deadline
Jeff: The new fascist ensemble says that you can't have anything to eat, man, 'cause you're over the deadline
Howard: What's that mean?
Dick: I told you to be down here at noon, man, you're five minutes late, so you can't order, listen, listen . . .
Howard: You . . . told [...], man
Dick: These guys ordered like ten minutes ago
Howard: It's like having Ronald Reagan for a road manager . . . what can you make me in two minutes?
Dick: The deal is that, uh . . .
Howard: . . . besides sick!
Dick: If you help me, uh, . . . for the airport, man, you be able to woof down some kind of scarf out there
Howard: What do you mean, 'Woof down some kind of scarf out there'?
Dick: Then you can stick your fingers in your nose
Howard: I'm hungry, man
Dick: Eat a payday candy bar
Howard: Listen, how about a little dry cereal? How 'bout an orange juice
Dick: Never happened, man
Jeff: Hey, get it on tape, that Barber is a doofus, man

Top Frank Zappa, Brown Shoes Don't Make It

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Unknown (violin, viola, cello, trumpet, contrabass clarinet)
Brown shoes don't make it
Brown shoes don't make it
Quit school, why fake it?
Brown shoes don't make it?
TV dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
Got another year of school
You're OK, he's too weird
Be a plumber He's a bummer
He's a bummer every summer
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care
Smile at every ugly
Shine on your shoes and cut your hair
Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work
Do your job, and do it right
Life's a ball! (TV tonight!)
Do you love it, do you hate it?
There it is, the way you made it (WOOOooow)
A world of secret hungers,
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away,
In drawer, in a desk,
By a Naughahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office
You see in the back, of the City Hall mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen
Off with her clothes and into a bed,
Where she tickles his fancy all night long
His wife's attending an orchid show
She squealed for a week to get him to go
But back in the bed his teenage Queen
Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene
Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!
And he loves it! He loves it! It curls up his toes!
She bites his fat neck, And it lights up his nose,
But he cannot be fooled, Old City Hall Fred,
She's nasty, she's nasty, She digs it in bed!
Do it again, and do it some more!
That does it, by golly, it's nasty for sure!
Nasty-nasty-nasty! Nasty-nasty-nasty!
(Only thirteen, and she knows how to NASTY)
She's a dirty young mind. Corrupted, corroded...
Well she's thirteen today, And I hear she gets loaded
If she were my daughter I'd...
What would you do, Daddy?
If she were my daughter I'd...
What would you do, Daddy?
If she were my daughter I'd...
What would you do, Daddy?
Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup,
And strap her on again, Oh baby!
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup,
And strap her on again!
She's a Teenage Baby, and she turns me on,
I'd like to make Her do a nasty
On the White House Lawn!
Going to smother that daughter in chocolate syrup,
And boogie till the cows come home!
Time to go home, Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet the Guerneys And a dozen gray attorneys
TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school

Top Frank Zappa, Beer Shampoo

Mark: That's the kind of guy [...]
Aynsley: When you just stopped it was running on your head
Howard: Well I had to do an Edward Arnold slow-burn, man, there was nothing else I could do, 'cept play it for all it was worth
Aynsley: I said the only other thing to do is go get another can of beer and pour it over HIS head . . .
Howard: Well, it was already getting silly, man. I mean, it was remedial as it is, I think . . .
FZ: Ha ha!
Howard: Let's not make it too childish
Aynsley: [...]
Mark: Every night for a year and a half, man, no matter how sick I was, or how I felt on stage . . .
?: Howie [...]
Mark: He, I used to sing, he used to sing 'How is the weather' in 'Happy Together' and pour a whole glass of water over my head, man, and he liked it so much that he made it an integral part of the show, the kids loved it, so I just let it keep happening
Aynsley: He can't stand it, man, that's all . . .
Mark: And you're just a pansy ass, kiss ass little girl . . .
?: Ha ha ha!
Mark: Simmons!
Howard: Beer is another thing, man! I'm fucking soaked!
Mark: They use beer in some shampoos, Howard
Howard: I don't give a shit, that's all I know it that water would dry up and not stain, and he ruined my shoes, man! I can't believe it
?: Ohhh!
Mark: Materialist!
Howard: Hey lookit, Pat McGregor!
Mark: Materialistic! Materialistic!
Howard: You're the dude who said . . .
(scuffle)
FZ: Oh oh oh!
Mark: Materialist!
?: Ohhh
Howard: Don't do it to you, I don't have any beer, man
Aynsley: Okay
Mark: 'New York's so lonely . . . '
Howard: I can't even . . . you keep your hands off me you creep
Mark: 'And you are the only . . . '
Jeff: You creep, ha ha!
Howard: Stop it, man!

Top Frank Zappa, Bit Of Nostalgia

Spider: Bit of nostalgia for the old folks!
Gilly: I'm advocating dark clothes
Girl #1: If I'm not alone . . . How long have I been asleep?
Gilly: As long as I have
Girl #2: Did you ever live in a drum?
Girl #1: No
Girl #2: Well then you aren't me
Gilly: I only dreamt I lived in a drum. Ever since it got dark. Dreaming is hard
Girl #1: Yea, but with nothing over your head?
Gilly: No, just light, over my head. And underneath too
Girl #1: I don't think I could take it without anything over my head
Girl #2: Mm-mmh, I couldn't either
Girl #1: Well why don't you go out and see what's out there?
Gilly: Well . . . I don't know if that's what's out there
Girl #2: Now that's a thought
Gilly: Yes . . .
Girl #2: If you'd like . . .
Gilly: But still you can say darker and darker. I don't know what the outside of this thing looks like at all
John: I do. It's dark and murky
Spider: How do you get your . . . your water so dark?
John: 'Cause I'm paranoid. I'm very paranoid. And the water in my washing machine turns dark out of sympathy
Spider: Out of sympathy?
John: Yes
Spider: Um . . . where can I get that?
John: At your local drugstore
Spider: How much?

Top Frank Zappa, Bobby Brown

Top Frank Zappa, Bobby Brown Goes Down

(Ooh . . . )
A real hologram!
(We sure do!)
I mean: not real, but almost a real hologram
Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
Tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
(Tiny heinie ho!)
Here I am at a famous school
(Gonna fly now)
I'm dressin' sharp
I'm actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her
Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
Gonna get a NEW GLOVE 'n be real rich
(Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good . . . )
Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which
(I wonder wonder, Hi-Yo, Silver!)
So I went out 'n bought me a leisure mask
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
(Gonna fly now)
An' none of the jocks can even think about Tonto
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta of drifted along into S&M;
(YA!)
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower
Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
Hi-Yo, Silver!
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fan . . . Hi-Yo, Silver!
And my name is Bobby Brown
And my name is Bobby Brown
Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!
And my name is Bobby Brown
Hi-Yo, Silver!

Top Frank Zappa, Be bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church)

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Jeff Simmons (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Don Preston (synthesizer)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Walt Fowler (trumpet)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (tenor saxophone, flute, lead vocals)
Ralph Humphrey (drums)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Debbie (background vocals)
Lynn (background vocals)
Robert Camarena (background vocals)
Some of you may know that the tango, Which is not a very popular dance anymore, Was at one time reputed to be a dance of unbridled passion. Back in the old days when it wasn't so easy to get your rocks off, When it was hard to make contact with a member of the opposite camp And you had to resort to things like dancing close together And going hey...
Those were the days. Well those days are probably gone forever, I don't know, Unless Nixon is going to bring them back a little bit later. But we have this very special highly evolved permutated tango. It's actually a perverted tango. By the time... Yes, it's so perverted! This is the Be-Bop Tango, A special entertainment event that includes choreography a little bit later, so watch out folks...
You can turn on the big lights, we may need 'em. You know, the ones in the audience. Heh heh. Okay, 're you ready? Not too fast now 'cause I wanna get the right notes on the tape 'N' this, this has to be the one. This has to be the one with all the right notes on it. Okay, 're you ready? This is a hard one to play. One two three four...
The cowbell as a symbol of unbridled passion, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, as you might have noticed, Bruce Fowler has just completed some sort of trombone solo, Based on the-ah, idea of an evolved tango-event. Bruce has also prepared for you a demonstration of a dance That he hopes will sweep the ocean right after the Mud Shark did. Bruce is now warming up the important muscles of the body, In preparation...in preparation for the real live Be-Bop Tango Which we're gonna demonstrate. Napoleon will assist him. Napoleon just put your horn down, Just relax, Put your head back, Here comes the drill. Okay, heh heh heh, you know what I'm talkin' about? Okay.
This is sort of like jazz in it's own peculiar way. Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny! Okay, let's go! Yeah man, jazz man, you know what I mean? This is Be-Bop, Even though you think it doesn't sound like that. Be-Bop! Now, as you might have noticed, Some of you with a musical education Can tell that the notes that George just sang when he went: "This is Be-Bop, even though you think it doesn't sound like that", Is actually a sort of a twisted form of the theme of the tango itself Which will get even more depraved as the number goes on. George will now attempt to dismember that melody, Play it and sing it at the same time while... Tu-dup. Hey, that's the way! While we sort of dance to it. Okay, try it George. Tu-dup, tu-dee... Oh yeah! As I was saying. Now, what we'd like to do at this point Is get some volunteers from the audience to... I know you will, oh God you will... We need some...heh heh heh... Now, as a matter of fact you did, didn't you... No, we wanna have some people who've never tried it bef
ore, Who've never even thought of trying it before. A boy, a girl, preferably who like each other, Who would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what George sings. Do we have anybody who is...you're one.
Okay, what's your name?
Carl.
Your name is Carl? Please Carl step on to the stage. Pleased to meet you Carl. Alright. Okay? Let's see-ah, is there anybody in the, in the back? Where...oh-oh, hey! What's your name?
Rick.
Rick, and?
Jane.
Rick and Jane and Carl! Alright, here's how it works: There's a beat going on like this; That's a pedestrian beat. You don't dance to that beat, You dance to what George sings, okay? The little ones, okay? The little quick ones, okay? Ready? George, make them dance!
Dup. No no Rick, you're too reserved. Ready? Give it to 'em George! Tu-dup, tu-dup pu-dee-da... No no, come on now, loosen up. Listen, encourage them! When it... Ah! Okay! Alright, one more time: dance!
Tu-dup, du-dee-da... Let's study this phenomenon. Tu-duppy-dup-pu-dee-da... Now look, Rick and Jane and Carl, You're, you're wonderful but you're just too reserved. I still can... I know you will, maybe in a minute. Okay, I'll t-tell you what: Go back to your seats and we'll bring up the next batch. Okay? Carl, Rick and Jane! Alright, you wanna try...?
Anything you say Frank!
Oh my God! Alright, you're name is Lana, right? Lana dance!
Du-dup-dee-dup... Now that's more like it. Du-dup-dee-dup... Lana, you're so good we have to bring up some other people to assist you. Brenda, imported from Edward's Air Force Base, where she... Ladies and gentlemen, Brenda... Brenda is a professional harlot And she just got finished stripping for a bunch of guys at Edward's Air Force Base, And she made it down here in time for the show. Two hours of taking it off for the boys in the car, really good. Okay. Heh. Brenda, Brenda has a lovely assistant named Carl, Or Robert James Davis if you prefer. Herb Cohen, ladies and gentlemen! Okay, dance!
Du-du-dip... You're still too adagio, I keep telling you! Du-dup-du-dee-da... Turn on the bubble machine! Dup-dee-da, dup-dee-da... God, is that a cheap bubble-machine! Bow, du-du-du-du-du-da... Ladies and gentlemen: Don's ex-wife! Ladies and gentlemen, You're probably sitting in your chairs, Saying to yourselves: I could do that. And of course you can! And now is your big chance! All you have to do, The first step is easy, All you gotta do is stand up. Go ahead, just stand up. There you go, you are standing up. Yes, some of you are not standing up But you won't have as much fun as the ones who are standing up. Okay, turn on the big lights so everybody can see what's going on. Yes, very many of you are standing up. Okay, link your mind with the mind of George Duke! And when...
Du-dup... That's it! When he plays those funny fast little notes, Twitch around and have a good time with the Be-Bop Tango, Let's try it! Anything you wanna do is alright. You gotta do anything you wanna do, it's alright. Yes you got to know you came to the right place, tonight. (Give me some of that wine now). As you might have guessed, ladies and gentlemen, This is the end of our concert. We like to thank you ver... Wanna thank you very much for coming. Hope you had a good time. Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Ruth Underwood on percussion, Ralph Humphrey on drums, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass And George Duke on the keyboards. Thank you very much. Alright, alright...

Top Frank Zappa, Beat It With Your Fist

[Guitar solo from The Torture Never Stops
The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1980
engineer: George Douglas
FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice
Davey Moire voice?
People inside the piano from Apostolic Studios, NYC
October, 1967
All-Night John Kilgore voice
Girl (Maxine or Beckie) voice
Louis The Turkey Cuneo voice]
John: Keep on to it . . . ahm . . . Who's out there Gross Man? I know they're Gross Men . . .
Girl: No!
Louis: It 'cause . . . all my body! No . . . honey . . . Boogey-man or something, nothing's on there, Boogey-man!
O'Hearn: God! Right . . . well, oh, fuckin' . . .
Bozzio: Beat this fuckin' surfist . . .
Moire?: No way, [gato . . .]
O'Hearn: Yeah, for Christ, beat it with your fist, for Christ . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Why Don'tcha Do Me Right?

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me pulled up tight
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
Say-in' baby please
Come back to me
You're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
And all I wanted was a wife
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
I been true to you
Now what you tryin' to do?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me pulled up tight
Why don'tcha do me right?
(But baby, I think I love you
But baby, I think I love you)
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
I wanna boogie yah all night

Top Frank Zappa, Mount St Marys Concert Excerpt

The next piece that we're going to play...
(audience laughter)
Maybe I should tell you what we were doing.
(more audience laughter)
The, the signals that we are giving I'll explain to you very simply. This means 'free improvisation' and finger symbols told the performers which of the fragments they were to uh, play at any given moment. Anyway, the next piece that we're going to play is in standard notation, and it's actually pretty tame compared to the other five. It's called The Collage Two, and it was written last Thursday.

Top Frank Zappa, Mother People

Top Frank Zappa, Motherly Love

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Motherly love
Motherly love
Forget about
The brotherly and other-ly love
Motherly love
Is just the thing for you
You know your Mothers' gonna love ya
Till ya don't know what to do
The Mothers got love
That'll drive ya mad
They're ravin' 'bout the way we do
No need to feel lonely...
No need to feel sad,
If we ever get a hold on you
What you need is...
Motherly love
(Come on get it now)
Motherly love
Forget about
The brotherly and other-ly love
Motherly love
Is just the thing for you
You know your Mothers' gonna love ya
Till ya don't know what to do
Nature's been good
To this here band
Don't ever think we're shy
Send us up some little groupies
And we'll take their hands
And rock 'em till they sweat and cry
What you need is...
Motherly love
(Get it now)
Motherly love
Forget about
The brotherly and other-ly love
Motherly love
Is just the thing for you
You know your Mothers' gonna love ya
Till ya don't know what to do
We can love ya
Till ya have a heart attack
You'd best believe that's true
We'll bite your neck
And scratch your back
Till you don't know what to do
What you need is...
Motherly love
Motherly love
Forget about
The brotherly and other-ly love
Motherly love
Is just the thing for you
You know your Mothers' gonna love ya
Till ya don't know what to do
You know I've got a little Motherly love for you baby
You know I've got a little Motherly love for you honey
You know it doesn't bother me at all
That you're only 18 years old
'Cause I got a little Motherly love for you baby

Top Frank Zappa, I'm Not Satisfied

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Yeah!
Got no place to go
I'm tired of walking up and down the street all by myself
No love left for me to give
I try and try but no-one wants me the way I am
Why should I pretend I like
To roam from door to door
Maybe I'll just kill myself
I just don't care no more
Because I'm not satisfied
Everything I tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me
Yeah! Yeah!
Who would care if I was gone?
I never met no-one who'd care if I was dead and gone
Who needs me to care for them?
Nobody needs me, why should I just hang around?
Why should I just sit and watch
While the others smile?
I just wish that someone cared
If I was happy for a while
Because I'm not satisfied
Everything I tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me

Top Frank Zappa, Why Johnny Can't Read

[Guitar solo from Pound For A Brown
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 17, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]

Top Frank Zappa, Wowie Zowie

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Wowie Zowie
Your love's a treat
Wowie Zowie
You can't be beat
Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so neat
I don't even care
If you shave your legs
Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so fine
Wowie Zowie, baby
Please be mine
Wowie Zowie
Up and down my spine
I don't even care
If you brush your teeth
I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I dreamed of you in the afternoon
Baum didi, baum didi, baum didi,
Baum didi, baum didi, baum didi
I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I had a flash in the afternoon
Wowie Zowie, baby
Love me do
Wowie Zowie
And I'll love you too
Wowie Zowie, baby
I'll be true
I don't even care
If your dad's the heat
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie

Top Frank Zappa, Nasal Retentive Calliope Music

Top Frank Zappa, Trouble Every Day

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Well I'm about to get UPSET
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean they say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when it's gonna change, my friends
Is anybody's guess
So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Wednesday I watched the riot...
I seen the cops out on the street
Watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff
And chokin' in the heat
Listened to reports
About the whisky passin' 'round
Seen the smoke & fire
And the market burnin' down
Watched while everybody
On his street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn
And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Well you can cool it,
You can heat it...
'Cause, baby, I don't need it...
Take your TV tube and eat it
'N all that phony stuff on sports
'N all THOSE unconfirmed reports
You know I watched that rotten box
Until my head began to hurt
From checkin' out the way
The newsmen say they get the dirt
Before the guys on channel so-and-so
And further they assert
That any show they'll interrupt
To bring you news if it comes up
They say that if the place blows up
They'll be the first to tell
Because the boys they got downtown
Are workin' hard and doin' swell,
And if anybody gets the news
Before it hits the street,
They say that no one blabs it faster
Their coverage can't be beat
And if another woman driver
Gets machine-gunned from her seat
They'll send some joker with a brownie
And you'll see it all complete
So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Hey you know something people
I'm not black
But there's a whole lots a times
I wish I could say I'm not white
Well, I seen the fires burnin'
And the local people turnin'
On the merchants and the shops
Who used to sell their brooms and mops
And every other household item
Watched the mob just turn and bite 'em
And they say it served 'em right
Because a few of them are white,
And it's the same across the nation
Black & white discrimination
They're yellin' "You can't understand me!"
And all the other crap they hand me
In the papers and TV
'N all that mass stupidity
That seems to grow more every day
Each time you hear some nitwit say
He wants to go and do you in
Because the color of your skin
Just don't appeal to him
(No matter if it's black or white)
Because he's out for blood tonight
You know we gotta sit around at home
And watch this thing begin
But I bet there won't be many left
To see it really end
'Cause the fire in the street
Ain't like the fire in my heart
And in the eyes of all these people
Don't you know that this could start
On any street in any town
In any state if any clown
Decides that now's the time to fight
For some ideal he thinks is right
And if a million more agree
There ain't no great society
As it applies to you and me
Our country isn't free
And the law refuses to see
If all that you can ever be
Is just a lousy janitor
Unless your uncle owns a store
You know that five in every four
WON'T amount TO nothin' more
THAN watch the rats go across the floor
And make up songs about being poor

Top Frank Zappa, The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Suzy?
Suzy Creamcheese?
This is the voice of your conscience baby, uh I just want to
Check one thing out with you, do you mind dear?
What?
Suzy Creamcheese, honey, what's got into you?
AAAAAAAAH, HMMMMMMMM, ahahahah, oo-oo-oo
Cream...
Aha, oohoo, aha, oohoo...
Creamcheese
What's happening man?
America's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful,
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
It really makes it.
Cream-cheese.
Ooo aha, oohoo, aha, oohoo
Hahahahahaha.
A minute man, crazy man, it's happening man, flashing man
Flashing man, flashing man, crazy man,
It really makes it
Flashing man
Aha oohoo, aha oohoo, ...
Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese,
Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese,
Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese,
Creamcheese.
HAHA HIHI HAHA HIHI. Creamcheese, creamcheese...
Did you pick up on that?

Top Frank Zappa, N lite

I. Negative Light
II. Venice Submerged
III. The New World Order
IV. The Lifestyle You Deserve
V. Creationism
VI. He Is Risen

Top Frank Zappa, My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (In Album You Can't Do That On Stage

Top Frank Zappa, Nap Time

[Michael Svoboda alphorn
Rumi Ogawa-Helferich slide whistle and voice
Rainer Romer percussion
Andreas Bottger percussion]
[...]

Top Frank Zappa, You Didn't Try To Call Me

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
You didn't try to call me, why didn't ya try, didn't ya try?
Didn't ya know I was lonely?
No matter who I take home, I keep on calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad), You're The One, babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' ya now
'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
And you didn't try to call me
Why didn't ya try, didn't ya try?
Didn't ya know I was lonely?
No matter who I take home, I keep on calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad), you're The One, babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' ya now
'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
I can't say what's right or
what's wrong
But I love you!
All ya gotta do is call me babe
'Cause I want you!
You make me feel so excited girl
I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met
That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears
From running down my face
I'm all alone at my place
You didn't try to call me, why didn't ya try, didn't ya try?
Didn't ya know I was lonely?
Why didn't ya try, didn't ya try, didn't ya know I was lonely?
I stayed home all afternoon man
I was working on my car, I fixed the upholstery
I fixed the seat so it would tilt back
We were going to go to the drive-in and you didn't call me man
I waited, it was Friday night, I remember now
It was nine o'clock and I was sitting on home
I was still watching television and ya didn't try to call me
We'd been going steady for six weeks and I thought you were my
teenage prill
I thought you were my teenangel man
But you didn't call me
I dig ya so much man, why didn't ya call me
If you could have seen me in the afternoon
I was hung up, I even washed the car
I, I reprimered the right front fender man
We were gonna go, we were gonna go out
And get some root beer afterwards man
And I was gonna show everybody my new carburettor

Top Frank Zappa, On The Bus

Top Frank Zappa, Dong Work For Yuda

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Central scrutinizer:
Hello there...this is the central scrutinizer... joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music business...you know...the ones who get caught...it's a ho
E place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other...
(as the central scrutinizer chuckles to himself for a moment, father riley, who became buddy jones, steps into view in his new identity: father riley b. jones, prison chaplain, who, in a rather
-handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of singing this song as he assists the captured executives in their quest for new meat to plook, and, once having found these victims for
Rinces of the industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified lubricant jelly for cigarettes and candy bars while he holds them down so the execs won't have to work too hard when they stick it
...anyway, listen, while he's in there he meets this guy who used to be a promo man for a major record company, named bald-headed john... king of the plookers...
Father riley b. jones:
This is the story 'bout
Bald-headed john
Former execs:
Dong work for yuda,
Dong, dong
Father riley b. jones:
He talks a lot 'n' it's
Usually wrong
Former execs:
Dong work for yuda,
Dong, dong
Father riley b. jones:
He said dong
Was wong,
'n wong was kong
'n dong work for
Yuda,
'n john was wrong
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Dong work for yuda
Dong, dong
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
He said dong
Was wong
And wong was kong
And dong was gong
'n john was wrong
Father riley b. jones:
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
That'll make you fart
John's got a sausage
That'll break
Your heart
Make you fart
And break your heart
Don't bend over
If you are smart
He took a little walk
To the weenie stand
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
A great big weenie
In both his hands
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
He sucked on the end
'til the mustard squirt
He said, "ya'll stand
Back 'cause you
Might get hurt"
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
He said dong
Was wong
Wong was kong
Kong was gong
'n john was wrong
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
Make way for the
Iron shaschige
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
I need a dozen towels
So the boys can take
A shower
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
Bartender, bring me
A colada and milk
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
Well, on second thought,
Make that a water...
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
Falcum...
Take me to the falcum!
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
I wave my bags
Did you wave your'n
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
Well how much
Did they wave?
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
Ah'm almost two
Kilometers tall
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
This girl must be
Praketing richcraft
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john:
Don't worry about
The faggot
I'll take care of
The faggot
Former execs:
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Try it again,
Try it again
Try, try, try again...
Etc., etc., etc.
Bald-headed john:
Your pomona is
Very extinct...
Yeah, I studied with
The dong of tokyo
'n also with the
Oriental kato...
My body contain
Uh water
I just loves the way
These copenhagens
Talks!
Driver, mcdoodle...
Sausage
Salima
Salami
That looks like that
Stuff that freckles
Lets out

Top Frank Zappa, A Token Of My Extreme

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen...
L. Ron Hoover:
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology! The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!
Don't you be Tarot-fied
It's just a token
of my extreme
Don't you be Tarot-fied
It's just a token
of my extreme
Don't you never try to
look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know
what they have seen
Don't you never try to
look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know
what they have seen
Joe: (thinking to himself)
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get back
To where the rest of
them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing
I know
You might be surprised
At what you find
when ya go!
And thus, having ration- alized his expedition to L. Ron's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, JOE seeks The Answer to his problem...
Joe:
Oh oh oh
Mystical Advisor
What is my problem,
tell me
Can you see?
L. Ron Hoover:
Well, you have nothing
to fear, my son!
You are a Latent
Appliance Fetishist,
It appears to me!
Joe:
That all seems very,
very strange
I never craved
a toaster
Or a color T.V.
L. Ron Hoover:
A Latent Appliance
Fetishist
Is a person who
refuses to admit
to his or herself
That sexual
gratification can
only be achieved
Through the use of
MACHINES...
Get the picture?
Joe:
Are you telling me
I should come out
of the closet now
Mr. Ron?
L. Ron Hoover:
No, my son!
You must go into
THE CLOSET
Joe:
What?
L. Ron Hoover:
And you will have
Joe:
Heh?
L. Ron Hoover:
Hey!
A lot of fun!
That's where
they all live
So if you want an
Appliance to love you
You'll have to
go in there
'N' get you one
Joe:
Well...that seems
simple enough...
L. Ron Hoover:
Yes, but if you want a
really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a
foreign language...
Joe:
German, for instance?
L. Ron Hoover:
That's right...
A lot of really cute
ones come from
over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)
And a cheerful group of
Appliantologists dance
into the room wearing
aluminum foil lab smocks,
lock arms in a circle
around JOE, making sure
he pays in full, all the
while singing with L. RON
as he delivers his final
instructions...
L. Ron Hoover:
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,

Top Frank Zappa, A Little Green Rosetta

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Central Scrutinizer:
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make
a muffin betta
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A tiny green rosetta
A green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A tiny green rosetta
You'll make
a muffin really betta
It's betta
It's really getting betta
It's betta, it's betta
With a green rosetta
Setta, setta
And a green rositti, too
Green rositti
A little green rositti
It's really, really meaty
A little green rositti
You'll make
a muffin really betta
It's betta
(Hey, really out
there...that was
really good)
It's really getting betta
It's betta, it's betta
With a green rosetta
Setta, setta
(Good God, give the
drummer some)
Green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
(Setta, setta, setta,
etc....)
(Make a muffin, make
a muffin, make a muffin,
Make a muffin betta,
make a muffin betta,
etc....)
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make a muffin betta
(Etc....)
Good God! You're
really jammin'! Now
the Reggae version,
hey, for the People in
the Third World...
we haven't forgotten
anybody on this
song...for all of you
French people...who
think that you're outta
sight...And for the
people in Spain...who
think the French
people are where it's
at...And for the people
in Mongolia who
always wanted to go to
Spain for a vacation...
And for those of you in
Taiwan who got
chumped, this chorus
is for you: (Rang Tang
Ding Dong, I am the
Japanese Sandman...
Take eight...)
Green rosetta
A green rosetta
a little green rosetta
(Against the Reggae
beat, though...
No, it's still Reggae,
but it's all backwards)
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make
a muffin betta
A little green rosetta
(Etc., etc., etc...)
Now you see, some
places in the Third
World it might be
difficult to dance to
this because the
kerosene record player
is not a very efficient
device...And a lot of
times they run out of,
they run out of spunk
right in the middle of
the chorus...Causing
the song to sound like
this...
A little green rosetta
However we continue
in spite of the fact that
the fuel may be low on
your record player. We
suggest that in places
in the Fourth World
where things are really
tough that you keep
the record player
going by rubbing two
sticks together. And if
all else fails, throw the
record away...build
your own green
rosetta...try this
recipe: We'll start with
a lump of grass...the
grass bone connected
to the ankle bone...the
knee bone connected
to the wishbone...and
then everybody moves
to New York and goes
to a party with
Warren. Hey!
And we've flown in, at
great expense, (triple
scale, no less, ladies
and gentlemen), Steve
Gad's clone to play the
out-chorus on this
song...he's really outa-
site, in spite of the fact
that the click track is
totally irrelevant to
what he's doing right now.
I'm listening to the
click, yes I'm suffering
with the click track
right now...this guy is
totally out of sync with
it, but what the fuck.
Ed Mann will call him
up later, show him the
sign. Okay Vinnie,
where is five?
They're pretty good
musicians
They're pretty good
musicians
They're pretty good
musicians
(The singer's not too
good, but the musicians
are pretty good)
They're pretty good
musicians
They're pretty good
musicians
They're pretty good
musicians
They're pretty good
musicians
But it don't make no
difference
If they're good
musicians
Because anybody who
would buy this record
Doesn't give a fuck if
there's good musicians
On it
Because this is a
stupid song
AND THAT'S THE
WAY I LIKE IT
A little green rosetta
Hey!
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You make
a muffin betta
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
Rosetta, rosetta
rosetta
(etc., etc., etc....)
Al Malkin:

Top Frank Zappa, Willie The Pimp

Frank Zappa: Willie the pimp
I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair a khacki pants with my shoes shined black
Got a little lady... walk the street
Tellin' all the boys that she can't be beat
Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
Meet me onna corner boy'n don't be late
Man in a suite with bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check
Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell: HOT MEAT
HOT RATS HOT ZITS HOT CHEST

Top Frank Zappa, My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, snorks)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet, flugel horn)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Don Preston (piano, organ, electronic effects)
Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (electric violin)
Lowell George (rhythm guitar, vocals)
You know, your momma and your daddy
Saying I'm no good for you
They call me dirty from the alley
Till I don't know what to do
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawl past the garbage and
Your momma jumps out, screamin'
"Don't come back no more"
I can't take it
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when it makes me mad
Later I tried to call you
Your momma told me you weren't there
She told me: "Don't bother to call again"
'Less I cut off all my hair
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawl past the garbage and
Your momma jumps out, screamin'
"Don't come back no more"
Later I tried to call you
Your momma told me you weren't there
She told me: "Don't bother to call again"
'Less I cut off all my hair
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawl past the garbage and
Your momma jumps out, screamin'
"Don't come back no more"
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad

Top Frank Zappa, Keep It Greasy

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
"hi-ho silver!"
Way!
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Roll it over ’n
Grease it down
I’ll drive you through
The heart of town
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Roll it over ’n
Grease it down
I’ll drive you through
The heart of town
"hi-ho silver!"
Hey, the good women,
They sure has it tough
The good men, well
There just ain’t enough
All the good girls are
Lookin’ all the time
Good silver ’s
Something that
They can’t find
’cause if they
Find one miraculously
They try to be lovin’
As they can be
’cause if they find
One and let him go
Chances are they
Might not never find
One no mo’
So they
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Way!
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Roll it over ’n
Grease it down
I’ll drive you through
The heart of town
A good lovin’ man
Is hardest to find
A good woman needs
To ease her mind
And I know a few that
Need to ease it behind
All y’gotta do is
Grease it down
’n everything is fine
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Roll it over ’n grease
It down
I’ll drive you through
The heart of town
A girl don’t need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube ’ll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the north
Lube from the south
Take a little slobber
"hi-ho silver!"
From the side of
Your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin’ sound...
"hi-ho silver!"
"thank you, masked man!"
"hi-ho silver!"
Ok: everybody!
"hi-ho silver!"
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it’ll go down easy
Roll it over ’n grease it
Down, down, down
Grease it down...
Oh no no no! here comes
That screamin’ sound
Again...

Top Frank Zappa, Joe's Garage

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry.
Central Scrutinizer:
We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park.
Frank Zappa:
(It makes it's own sauce...)
Joe:
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
And a second hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar
At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...
Larry:
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like...
Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
'Cause it sounded good to me
ONE MORE TIME!
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin',
"TURN IT DOWN!"
We was playing' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, and easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N' we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n' dance around
like...
Twenty teen-age girls dash
in and go STOMP-CLAP,
STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...
So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots
'N' a sign on the back of the car
'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!
People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N' sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again...
Joe:
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like...
(And, as the band plays their little song,
MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY,
in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
screams out the window...
Mrs. Borg:
Turn it down!
Turn it DOWN!
I have children sleeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs?
Joe:
(Speculating on the future)
Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye, yeah
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high, yeah
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came along
'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to...
Central Scrutinizer:
The WHITE ZONE is
for loading and
unloading only. If you
gotta load or unload,
go to the WHITE
ZONE. You'll love it...
Joe:
Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...
Mrs. Borg:
I'm calling THE POLICE!
I did it! They'll be here...shortly!
Officer Butzis:
This is the Police...
Mrs. Borg:
I'm not joking around anymore
Officer Butzis:
We have the garage surrounded
If you give yourself up
We will not harm you
Or hurt you neither
Mrs. Borg:
You'll see them
Officer Butzis:
This is the Police
Mrs. Borg:
There they are, they're coming!
Officer Butzis:
Give yourself up
We will not harm you
Mrs. Borg:
Listen to that mess, would you?
Officer Butzis:
This is the Police
Give yourself up
We have the garage surrounded
Mrs. Borg:
Everday this goes on around here!
Officer Butzis:
We will not harm you, or maim you
(SWAT Team 4, move in!)
Mrs. Borg:
He used cut my grass...
He was very nice boy...
That's DISGUSTING!!
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut...and told him to

Top Frank Zappa, He Used To Cut The Grass

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Joe: (to himself as he walks out of prison)
I'm out at last
Boy, the world
sure looks different
Wow...there's hardly
anything fun to do
Since they made
music illegal
But I'm hooked
I got the habit
I've got to have it
I need to play
But there's no
musicians anymore
They're all gone
Wait! I've got it!
I'll be sullen and
withdrawn
I'll dwindle off into
the twilight realm
Of my own secret
thoughts
I'll walk through
the parking lot
In a semi-
catatonic state
And dream of
guitar notes
To go with the
loading-zone
announcements.
JOE wanders through the world which by then has been totally epoxied over, carefully organized, with everyone reporting daily to his or her appointed place in a line somewhere in front of a window somewhere in a building somewhere in order to collect his or her welfare check, which, when cashed, made it possible for the young ones to continue the payments for the obsolete and irreparable appliances their parents had purchased on the instalment plan years ago, providing as security the future incomes of their children. The rest of these checks were used by the young recipients to buy fun things of their own on credit, most of which broke down or failed within moments of purchase and seemed to be stacking up everywhere.
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL
SCRUTINIZER
The White Zone
is for loading and
unloading only.
If you have to load or
unload, go to the
White Zone.
You'll love it.
It's a way of life.
This is the CENTRAL
SCRUTINIZER
The White Zone
is for loading and
unloading only.
If you have to load or
unload, go to the
White Zone.
You'll love it.
It's a way of life.
This is the CENTRAL
SCRUTINIZER
The White Zone
is for loading and
unloading only.
If you have to load or
unload...
As JOE stumbles over mounds of dead consumer goods formed into abstract statues dedicated to the Quality of American Craftsmanship, dreaming his stupid little guitar notes, he hears, somewhere in the back of his head, the voice of MRS. BORG, taunting him:
Mrs. Borg's Voice:
Turn it down!
Turn it down!
I have children
sleeping here!
Don't you boys know
any nice songs?
I'm calling the police!
I did it!
They'll be here...
shortly!
I'm not joking around
anymore!
You'll see now!
There they are...
they're coming!
Listen to that mess,
would you!
Every day this goes on
around here!
He used to
cut my grass...
He was a
very nice boy...
He used to
cut my grass...
He was a
very nice boy...
He used to
cut my grass...
He was a
very nice boy...
He used to
cut my grass...
He was a
very nice boy...
Central Scrutinizer:

Top Frank Zappa, Any Downers?

Top Frank Zappa, Beauty Knows No Pain

Top Frank Zappa, Toads Of The Short Forest

Top Frank Zappa, Weasels Ripped My Flesh

Top Frank Zappa, Doreen

Top Frank Zappa, Drafted Again

Top Frank Zappa, Charlie's Enormous Mouth

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob Harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
David Ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David Logeman (drums)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Jimmy Carl Black (vocals)
Ahmet Zappa (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's
awright
The girl got a very large mouth, but it's
awright
Her teeth look okay
She must be brushin' 'em quite a bit
'Course her mouth is extra large
'N we can only assume as to how
She's been usin' it
Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's
awright
The girl got a very large mouth, but it's
awright
She got lips all around the hole
Where she puts her food in
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
Which is as good a place as any for
a toungue
To include in, that's why
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
They call it THE MOUTH
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
(Kinda young
Kinda wow...)
Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all
white
The girl got a very large nose but it's all
white
It once was okay
But she been blowin' it quite a bit
'Course her friends are extra large
'N we can only assume as to how
She's been choosin' it
Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all
white
The girl got a very large nose, but it's all
white
She got stuff all around the hole
Where she puts her spoon in
They call it THE NOSE
They call it THE NOSE
They call it THE NOSE
And when it finally rots away I guess you'd
Prob'ly drive a truck in...they used to
Call it THE NOSE
They called it THE NOSE
They called it THE NOSE
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
(Kinda young
Kinda dead...)
Charlie's disgusting brain, well, it's all
black
The girl got a very dead brain, it won't
come back
She used to convey
But then she took an extra hit
'Course her friends are extra dumb
'N they were terribly excited while they
Watched her doin' it
Charlie's disgusting brain, well it's all
black
The girl got a very dead brain, it won't
come back
She got dirt all around the hole
Where they dumped her box in
They call it THE GRAVE
They call it THE GRAVE
They call it THE GRAVE
Which is as good a place as any for a
Chump to repose in...that's why they
Call it THE GRAVE
They call it THE GRAVE

Top Frank Zappa, Conehead

Top Frank Zappa, Im A Band Leader

Captain Beefheart (vocals)
I'm a band leader. Not only can I drink a whole lot, but I play 23 different instruments , too and I don't even know how to read music. Self-taught, you know. Couldnt tell it, though, to hear me play. When I play and sway in rhythm to the catchy little tunes that I know for five miles around get hot pants for me, hotcha!
Last night was pretty good for a Wednesday. We got ten requests for, we got Bill Bailey, and we played them all and we got seven people came up for the twist contest. I gave away a box with two small bottles of champagne imported from Europe (heh) and kissed the girl who won and shook hands with the guy she was with. He didnt mind when I kissed her because I'm important.
We have a new routine. Been working on it for three weeks or more. I pretend I'm a queer and the sax player pretends he's a queer, too, and later on in the show, (thisll kill ya) we kiss each other so that it looks to the audience like we kiss each other on the mouth. (heh). When we go... into a fast number, GOD, the people love it! Wait... till... we... get to Las Vegas!

Top Frank Zappa, If You're Not A Professional Actor

FZ: If you're not a professional actor, the easiest thing for you to do, when you only have a week to make a movie is just to be yourself on the screen, so the lines that the people speak in the film,
with the exception of some of the real fantasy characters like the Vacuum Cleaner, or the, or what Theodore Bikel says, are all based on the actual speech patterns and the lifestyle of the people who are in the group

Top Frank Zappa, Intro To Music For Low Budget Orchestra

Howard: Ready, Madge?
FZ: You have to feel like . . . Art Laboe
Howard: Grow, little trees!
FZ: It's spring, the time of the year when all things grow and little buds are sprouting off of them . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Intro

FZ: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you. I understand there is a sign in the audience that once again says:
'What's the secret word for tonight?' The secret word for tonight is . . . Now, let's get serious, ladies and gentlemen, I know you came here to see really FINE performances by a really FINE modern music ensemble, conducted by a really FINE conductor. And here comes the FINE conductor now, Peter Rundel, ladies and gentlemen! And if you feel like throwing underpants onto the stage, put 'em over there.

Top Frank Zappa, It Can't Happen Here

It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple a times, hmmmmmmmm
And I'm telling you
It can't happen here
Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here
Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Kansas...
Kansas Kansas tototototodo
Kansas Kansas tototototodo
Kansas Kansas
Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota...
Mimimimimimimi Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota
Who could imagine...
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in Washington, D.C.
D.C. D.C. D.C. D.C. D.C.
It can't happen here
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
It can't happen here
It can't happen here
Everybody's safe and it can't happen here
No freaks for us
It can't happen here
Everybody's clean and it can't happen here
No, no, it won't happen here
I'm telling you it can't
It won't happen here
(Bop bop didi bop didi bop bop bop)
Plastic folks, you know
It won't happen here
You're safe, mama
You're safe, baby
You just cook a TV dinner
And you make it
(Bop bop bop)
No no no no
Oh, we're gonna get a TV dinner and cook it up
Go get a TV dinner and cook it up
Cook it up
Oh, and it won't happen here
(No no no no no no no no no no no
Man you guys are really safe
Everything's cool).
Who could imagine
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in the suburbs
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool.
And they thought it couldn't happen here
(duh duh duh duh duh)
They knew it couldn't happen here
They were so sure it couldn't happen here
But...
Suzie...
Yes yes yes--I've always felt that
Yes I agree man, it really makes it...yeah...
It's a real THING, man
And it really makes it
(Makes it)
Suzie, you just got to town,
And we've been, we've been very interested
In your development,
Since you first took the shots.
Forget it!
Hmmmmmmmmm
(It can't happen here)
(Can't happen here)

Top Frank Zappa, Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin

Ray collins (vocals)
Jimmy carl black (drums)
Billy mundi (drums)
Roy estrada (bass)
Don preston (keyboards)
Bunk gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
(instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, It's From Kansas

John: It's from Kansas

Top Frank Zappa, It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This

Mark: It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could be in L.A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album
Howard: Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen, I've been without female companionship for so long, a career as a Jesuit monk was inviting, Ian is starting to look good to me
George: Must be his green velour socks!
Mark: Just calm down there, Duke. Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock'n'roll industry . . .
Jeff: What do you mean rock'n'roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock'n'roll, it's all that comedy crap!
Ian: If we play any rock'n'roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock'n'roll, uh, I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouln't enjoy playing rock'n'roll. I mean, it's not very challenging, intelectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some rock'n'roll. We could vote on it
Jeff: Vote on it, for what? To tell Zappa we wanna play some good music instead of this comedy shit . . . ?
Aynsley: I wouldn't mind playing some more rock'n'roll, it'd be more commercial, sort of heavy, four parts harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the kids could enjoy it. I think we'd definitely make more money that way
Ian: Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more rock'n'roll
Mark: Yeah! We all quit and form other groups and play more rock'n'roll
Jeff: And more blues, extended blues, blues that's still down and funky, even though you extended it. George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?
George: Leave me out of it, I come from the jazz world. I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear, with their extensions waving in the moonlight
Mark: You just calm down there, Duke
Jeff: Maybe we could all form a group, we can elect a leader . . . Howard . . . we can call it Howard Kaylan World.
Ian: We wouldn't have to have any leader
Jeff: We could just jam a lot
Aynsley: There was have to have a really heavy beat and be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it
Howard: I want to get laid! I'm so horny I can't stand it!
Jeff: Listen, if you think for a minute that anybody likes this comedy music we've been playing you're crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously
Mark: Hey, man, you should be careful talking about that kind of stuff
Jeff: Why, does he listen?
Ian: He always listens, he's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years and I know, he always listens, believe me
Jeff: That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured, then he rips us off, sneaks off in the secret room someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it perverted. Then he brings it back to us in rehearsal and makes us play it
Ian: I've been in the group for years and let me tell you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He steals all his material
Howard: And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!

Top Frank Zappa, There's No Lust In Jazz

?: Okay, it's, uh, just about time, you guys, what d'you say?
?: [...]
?: Uh . . .
?: One?
?: Rolling?
?: Rolling . . . Frank is rolling
?: Rolling? It's rolling . . . ?
?: One!
?: Test two
?: Test . . . three
?: Oh, now this is what I call brotherly love
?: Man, chics are really harm, man. Now there are tits
?: Hey you're taking between that baby [...]
Aaaaah . . .
?: No stopping!
?: Oh, I'm telling you . . .
?: There is a chic where I'm hung
?: Oh yes . . . And she enjoys every moment
?: She wants you Dick
?: She's waiting for your big . . .
?: Now listen
?: Bwana?
?: She said give me the guy with the throb
AAH!
?: Oh . . . really?
?: Okay, enough
?: What can you say?
?: See you later
?: See, this is what happens when you join up a rock group, George, get off that jazz syndrome . . . there's no lust in jazz

Top Frank Zappa, The Worst Reviews

Howard: From 200 Motels he expects the worst reviews of any movie ever put out, and I said, 'Yeah, Frank? Why is that?' And he says, 'Well, nobody's ready for it . . .
' But it doesn't really matter, you know? He knows that the kids are gonna go see it, because it's a weird movie. By the time this jerky comes out, man, I mean, there still won't be anything out close to it

Top Frank Zappa, The Way I See It, Barry

Spider: The way I see it, Barry, this should be a very dynamite show.

Top Frank Zappa, The Spew King

Howard: I think the big problem, Ian, is that it sort of gotta go 'HOO-HAA!' as you do it. HOO-WAAARGH!
Ian: You're gonna be the king, the spew king, really
?: Disintegrated in two seconds
Howard: Walter Dale
?: Oh, God, there's a few people here, I didn't
?: There are a lot people here
?: My God
?: They're all twelve years old and pimply
Aynsley: Are they penetratable?

Top Frank Zappa, The Sheik Yerbouti Tango

Top Frank Zappa, The Sanzini Brothers

[Fillmore East, NYC
June 5-6, 1971]
FZ: The Sanzini Brothers!
Howard: The Sanzini Brothers!
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight by special request, we're going to repeat a trick that we performed last night. We hope that you will bear with, if you saw it, we hope that you enjoy it again . . .
?: Yeah, yeah, yeah
Howard: My brothers Adolf, Rudolph, Pissoff, and Jackoff. The Sanzini Brothers. And we'd like to perform for you tonight the world famous 'Sodomy Trick'!
Complete silence, please!
The Sodomy Trick!
Quiet . . .
Hop!
Hop!
Hop!
Hop!
Little Carl . . .

Top Frank Zappa, The Purple Lagoon/approximate

[Instrumental]

Top Frank Zappa, I'm Doomed

Howard: We gotta do two shows tonight?
Dick: Yeah, I hope you don't use up your vital . . . statistics
Howard: I'm doomed. Two shows, man . . .
Dick: Never two shows important, I mean
Howard: Couldn't have spared me another twenty minutes sleep, another three hours worth of sleep, coul have driven down?
Dick: I cut it to the bare minimum, Howard
Howard: Yeah, man, you're O.D.'ing on Preparation H at this very moment

Top Frank Zappa, Cosmik Debris

The mystery man came over
And he said "I'm outta sight!"
He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach nirvana tonight
If I was ready, willing and able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of
His pressing affairs and devote
His attention to me
But I said "Look here brother
who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Look here brother, don't waste your time on me"
The mystery man got nervous
And he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
And he whipped out a shaving kit
Now I thought it was a razor
And a can of foaming goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Aphrodite, and the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said "You might not believe this, little fella
But it'll cure your asthma too"
And I said "Look here brother
Who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now what kind of a guru are you, anyway?
Look here brother, don't waste your time on me"
*(Don't waste your time)*
"I've got troubles of my own", I said
"And you can't help me out
So, take your meditations and your preparations
And ram it up your snout!"
"But I got the crystal ball", he said
And held it to the light
So I snatched it, all away from him
And I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I looked like I was deep
I said some mumbo-jumbo, then
I told him he was going to sleep
I robbed his rings and pocketwatch
And everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future, then
As long as he was hanging around
I said "The price of meat has just gone up
And your old lady has just gone down!"
And I said "Look here brother-who you
Jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
Don't you know, you could make more money as a butcher?
So, don't waste your time on me"
Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me

Top Frank Zappa, Don't Eat The Yellow Snow

Top Frank Zappa, Marqueson's Chicken

Frank Zappa (guitar)Ray White (rhythm guitar)Tommy Mars (keyboards)Bobby Martin (keyboards)Ed Mann (percussion)(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Father O'Blivion

Top Frank Zappa, Frogs With Dirty Little Lips

Frank Zappa (lead vocals)
Ray White (background vocals)
Bobby Martin (background vocals)
Roy Estrada (background vocals)
Bob Harris (background vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Frogs with dirty little lips
Dirty little warts on their finger-tips
Dirty 'n green
Tiny 'n mean
Floppin' around
By the edge of the stream
Frogs with dirty little eyes
Dirty little tongues all covered with flies
Dirty brown
Floppin' around
Puffed up 'n bloated
When the sun goes down
Frogs with dirty little nose
Dirty little spots all over their clothes
Dirty legs
Dirty feet

Top Frank Zappa, The Rejected Mexican Pope Leaves The Stage

Top Frank Zappa, Undaunted, The Band Plays On

Top Frank Zappa, Apostrophe(')

Jim gordon (drums)
John guerin (drums)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Ralph humphrey (drums)
Jack bruce (bass)
Erroneous (bass)
Tom fowler (bass)
Frank zappa (bass, lead vocals, guitar)
George duke (keyboards, background vocals)
Don "sugar cane" harris (violin)
Jean-luc ponty (violin)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Ian underwood (saxophone)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, background vocals)
Sal marquez (trumpet)
Bruce fowler (trombone)
Ray collins (background vocals)
Kerry mcnabb (background vocals)
Susie glower (background vocals)
Debbie (background vocals)
Lynn (background vocals)
Ruben ladron de guevara (background vocals)
Robert camarena (background vocals)
Tony duran (rhythm guitar)

Top Frank Zappa, For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)

Top Frank Zappa, Love Story

Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start
With her first hello she gave a meaning to this empty world of mine
There will never be another love, another time
She came into my life and made the living fine
She fills my heart
She fills my heart
With very special things
with angle songs
with wild imaginings
she fills my soul
with so much love that anywhere I go
I am never lonely
with her along
who can be lonely?
I reach for her hand
It is always there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answer now
but this much I can say
I know I will need her till the stars all burn away

Top Frank Zappa, Progress

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone, piano)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone, clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Arthur Tripp (drums, percussion)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Members of The BBC Symphony Orchestra
(The trio protests the interruption, to which Don responds that performance of diatonic music (and eating meat) will preclude them from seeing his aura. They argue that diatonic music is good and his electronic music is horse-shit. He argues that diatonic music is too old-fashioned, and that There must be growth! You've got to eat macrobiotic food -- and study astrology! (It is worth noting that, although the plot was my idea, each band member was responsible for generating his own dialog.)
(?):
Hold it! Hold it!
(?):
Hey, put that down.
Don:
Silence you fools, don't you believe in progress?
Bunk:
Take that progress and stick it under a rock.
Don:
We must overthrow the diatonic system.
Ian:
Bullshit.
Don:
We're coming to the beginning of a new era wherein the development of the inner self will be the most important factor.
Ian:
Honey your music is full of shit and besides that it ain't disciplined.
Bunk:
Give me four-four.
Art:
Togetherness.
Ian:
Yeah.
Bunk:
Some old melodies.
Don:
Look, playing that kind of music and eating meat will never, you'll never be able to see my aura then.
Art:
I've seen your aura a lot, I think it stinks.
Ian:
You've been drinking, Don?
Art:
I can hear your aura and it's bad man.
Don:
Listen, there are many strange things that science doesn't know.
Bunk:
Discipline, you need discipline. Four, four.
Don:
It's got to be new, it's got to progress, it's got to evolve. THERE MUST BE GROWTH!
(?):
Ah, man.
Don:
You've got to eat macrobiotic food.
We're doing a play.
Don:
And study astrology. Delve into the occult world.
Ian:
Well you can delve all you want but were formin' a new group go and do you some yoga excercises. Take care of business.
Don:
Look, mark my words... If you continue playing this music something strange may happen.
Bunk:
Don't threaten me...
By the end of the first show...
Don:
By the end of the first show... No the second show.
So at this point in the development of our plot the three talented members of the Mothers of Invention have quit the group to form their own band with a lot of discipline.
(?):
Yeah.
Listen what we need is a nice disciplined combo!
(This causes the talented trio to quit The Mothers, in order to Form their own band with a lot of discipline. Suddenly, through the magic of stage-craft, their new, disciplined combo (14 members of the BBC symphony) marches on stage, wearing tuxedos, with robot-looking designs painted on their faces. Ian, Bunk and Art put on tuxes, get some bolts and widgits painted on their faces by a roving make-up artist, and take up performance positions within the BBC ensemble.)
And so that they would be completely tackished and fit in with the rest of the disciplined combo. The former members of the Mothers of Invention receive their initiation into the robot musical world.
Don:
This makes me nervous I'm gonna go do some yoga.
Ian:
Yeah you better.
Meanwhile Dom de Wild under pressure prepares to unwind with some healthy yoga excercises.
(At this point, Motorhead wanders out, piddling with his tambourine. He sees the BBC disciplined combo, covets their uniforms, and demands to join their group. The ensemble rebukes him because he can't read music. In spite of this, he plans to force his way in.)
This is Euclid Motorhead Sherwood.
(?):
What's the matter with him?
Ian:
He's nervous cause he couldnt play with our new group.
Motorhead:
Oh, that's nice, look at those suits.
Motorhead covets the uniforms of the other band. And also shows some interest in the bum of Underwood.
Ian:
Ayyyy
(?):
Ten years ago I knew a lot of guys down in Switzerland.
Motorhead:
Hey can I play in your band with a suit like that too?
(?):
Motorhead:
But I like the suits and I can play good. I can play . . . play anything.
Motorhead is lying. He can't play good, he can't play anything. He's trying to con his way into the other band. He knows they don't want him.
Motorhead:
But I got practicing and play good.
He's lying. He hasn't been practicing, he doesn't do shit.
Ian:
Ask me you couldn't even count to four.
(?):
Come on beat it man.
Motorhead:
You can't do that to me I'll fix you. I get into your band.
(?):
Okay Motorhead, just get out of the way.
Motorhead:
You can't stop me, I'll get in there somehow.

Top Frank Zappa, Wild Love

Top Frank Zappa, You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Vol. 1

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jeff Simmons (bass)
George Duke (keyboards)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Can I just ask somethin' to any...everybody here? Did anybody see me puke on stage?
The tour of the country?
Yeah, did you?
I puked on stage
It started in San Antonio
You puked on stage???
I did when I was right in the middle of singin' Easy Meat or somethin' and all of a sudden I started pukin' out of my mouth and I just put my hand over like that
Oh!
You didn't get it on film?
Outa-site!
Gimme that in slow motion...
I thought you guys all cut that... I got really sick from ah... that jumpin' around each time... All that scotch and wine? Just weird, I only did it for about a second, you know it's just like a little sound-hooker I kinda shoved it back down my throat and went on stage
Right!
Yeah! That is strange man!
Ratzo rizzo!
He saved it because he might be hungry later
Uuhuu! Keep the big pieces!

Top Frank Zappa, Make a Jazz Noise Here

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Theodor Bikel:
This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theatre. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song. It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie. It's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you. We uh, understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world.
Lord, have mercy on the people in England,
for the terrible food these people must eat.
( Errrr, excuse me )
And may the lord have mercy on the fate of this movie
and God bless the mind of the man in the street.
Chorus:
Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen
through the terrible functions they all must perform.
God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos,
Female Soprano:
And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm.
Chorus:
Help everybody, so they all get some action,
some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction.
Female Soprano:
A room and a meal
And a garbage disposal
A lawn and a hose'll
Be strictly genteel.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book,
the girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse.
Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy
and the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course.
Chorus:
Help everybody, so they all get some action,
some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
A Swedish apparatus with a hood and a bludgeon
with a microwave oven. "Honey, how do it feel?"
Everybody:
Yeah
Ahhh
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots
and the dykes and the weird little children they grow.
Help the black man.
Help the poor man.
Help the milk man.
Help the door man.
Help the lonely, neglected old farts that I know.
Theodore Bikel:
It's been swell havin' you with us tonight folks.
Mark Volman:
But, don't leave the theatre yet, 'cause there's still more to come, but before we go on, I want to introduce to you my friend and musical associate, Howard Kaylan, who's going to give us all a final closing benediction.
Howard Kaylan:
They're going to clear out the studio...
They're going to tear down all the...
They're going to whip down all the...
They're going to sweep out all the...
They're going to pay off all the...
Mark Volman:
(oh, yeah!)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
And then... and then... and then... and then...
Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
Aww now, every one of our lovely and talented dancers
the light bulb men, camera men, make-up men
Mark Volman:
(The fake-up men)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
And, the rake-up men.
Jimmy Carl Black:
(Especially Herbie Cohen, yeahoooo...)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
They're all going to rise up.
They're going to jump up! I said jump up!
Talkin' 'bout jump right up on off the floor.
Jump right up and hit the door!
Mark Volman:
They're all going to rise up, and jump off.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
They're going to ride on home.
They're going to ride on home.
They're going to ride on home.
They're going to ride on home.
Howard Kaylan:
And once again take themselves seriously.
Yeah, Two, three, four, seriously.
Mark Volman:
They're all going to go home,
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Through the driving sleet and rain
Mark Volman:
They're all going to go home,
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
through the fog, through the dust.
Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost.
Mark Volman:
They're all going to go home.
Howard Kaylan:
And get out of it as they can be.
Jimmy Carl Black:
And the same goes for me.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Howard Kaylan:
And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group
in his own special way is going to get out of it as he can be.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
They're all going to get wasted.
They're all going to get twisted.
They're all going to get wasted.
They're all going to get twisted.
Howard Kaylan:
And I am definitely going to get ....
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
REAMED
Howard Kaylan:
'Cause I'm such a lonely.. I'm such a lonely..
a lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy.
Oh, and I know tonight, I am definitely...
I am positively... I just have to get...
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Bent, reamed and wasted.
Jimmy Carl Black:
A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey.
Howard Kaylan:
He's making me do this, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for this. You noticed, all through this material, I've been glancing over toward my left? Well, I'll tell you the reason for that ladies and gentlemen. HE is over there. HE is over on the left. HE is the guy that is making me do all this shit. Right over there. Now all through this movie, every time we've been on stage, I've had to look over in that direction, right? You saw it... you know! Well that's 'cause HE's over there. I've got to watch him for signs. He jumps up and down like a jackass. I can't even believe the guy sometimes. But we gotta watch him. "After all," we said, "it's Frank's movie." Now, we're THE MOTHERS, but it's still Frank's movie. He rented the studio, had all these cheesy sets built...it's so moche!. He's telling everybody, right now, right over there to...(text obscured by disaster area, fades out)

Top Frank Zappa, He's So Gay

Top Frank Zappa, You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Vol. 4

Top Frank Zappa, The Lost Episodes

Top Frank Zappa, Beat the Boots: Tengo Na' Minchia Tanta

Top Frank Zappa, Camarillo Brillo

She had that
Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head,
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red
She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo
She said she was
A Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know
She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(I couldn't come in right then . . . )
And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets
She stripped away
Her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more
She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(actually, I was very busy then)
And so she wandered
Through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets
She said she was
A Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know
(Is that a real poncho . . . I mean
Is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho?
Hmmm . . . no foolin' . . . )

Top Frank Zappa, Where's Our Equipment?

Frank Zappa
Ray Collins (tambourine)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (piano)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Where Is Johnny Velvet?

Top Frank Zappa, Underground Freak-Out Music

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Lowell George (guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
This is uh, underground, psychedelic, acid-rock freak out music.
Yea-uh!
Moowaahhhh!
Where are your papers?
Immer ist der Himmel ber alles

Top Frank Zappa, Sheik Yerbouti

Top Frank Zappa, Beat the Boots III: Disc One

Top Frank Zappa, How Could I Be Such A Fool

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
When I won your love, I was very glad
Every happiness in the world belonged to me
Then our love was lost and you went away
Now I shed my tears in lonely misery
I know now that you never ever really loved me
It hurts me now to think you never ever really cared
I sit and ask myself a thousand times to try and find
What really happened to the love that we shared
How could I be such a fool
How could I believe all those lies you told me
How could I be taken in by your sweet face
You spoiled our love, you ruined my life
I'm so tore down, I'm a terrible disgrace
But there will come a time and you'll regret the way
You treated me as if I was a fool and didn't know
The many times you lied about your love for me
Someone else is gonna know that your love was just a show...

Top Frank Zappa, Whippin' Post

I been run down
Lord, and I been lied to
And I don't know why
I let that mean woman make me out a fool
She took all my money
And wrecked my new car
And now she's with one of my good-time buddies
Drinkin' in some cross-town bar
Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
My friends tell me
That I been such a fool
I have to stand back an' take it, girl
All for loving you
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change
That bad times stay the same and I can't run
Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post
Oh, good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
Sometimes times I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, ooh, oh, Lord Lord Lord
You know sometime, I try to believe

Top Frank Zappa, Valarie

Frank Zappa (vocals, guitar)
Lowell George (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Motorhead Sherwood (woodwinds, vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, percussion)
Arthur Tripp (drums, percussion)
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
Although you don't want me no more
Oh, but it's alright, alright with me
'Cause you know, you're gonna want me some day
Yes, you will want me, and I'll run away
Oh Valarie, (Valarie),
Valarie, (Valarie),
Valarie
Don't you want me, don't you need me
Valarie,
Valarie,
Valarie,
Valarie
Although you don't want me no more
Oh, but it's alright, it's alright with me
'Cause you know, you're gonna want me some day
Oh you will want me, and I'll run away
Oh Valarie, (Valarie),
Valarie, (Valarie),
Valarie,

Top Frank Zappa, Broken Hearts Are For Assholes

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Adrian Belew (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Andre Lewis (background vocals)
Randy Thornton (background vocals)
Davey Moire (background vocals)
Hey! Do you know what you are?
You're an asshole! An ASSHOLE!
Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see...
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole?
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole too?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole...
Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
Maybe you think you're too tough to cry
So you went to The Grape,
Just to give it a try
And Dagmar
Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I ever saw in my life
Was his name...
One Two Three Four!
The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his
Pancake make-up
And yet he was a beautiful lady
Nearly drove you insane
Let's talk about Leather: LEATHERRRRRR
And so you kissed a little sailor
Tex Abel, starring in the latest Shepperton Production:
Who had just blew in from Spain
Sir Richard Pump-A-Loaf
You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
The story of a demented bread-boffer
And acted like it was cocaine
Cucumber pud annexed to a fine whole-wheat loaf
You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
Then on Tuesday night, Ceasar's back in town
In a way you can't explain
Facing off in a no-holds-barred tag team grudge match
With Kona.
And so you worked the wall with Michael
Three-hundred-seventy-nine pounds of Samoan dynamite
Which gave your back an awful strain
Volcanic Hell
But you came back on Sunday for the gong show
Next Thursday, teen town's finest...
But you forgot what I was sayin'
'Cause you're an asshole, You're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Now you been to The Grape 'n' you been to The Chest
'N' now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole
You say you can't live with what you been through
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you,
But don't fool yerself girl
It's lookin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's winkin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Corn hole
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Fist fuck
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Wrist-watch; Crisco
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Pud!
Don't fool yerself, girl
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(etc., repeats)

Top Frank Zappa, This Is All Wrong

Moon: This is all wrong. This is all wrong
FZ: The pigs run the city, the ponies run the TV station and you wanted to apply for a job
Spider: Some of them wear these jackets that are made out of polished animal skins. It's called leather
John: Leather?
Monica: Oh, and their tight black pants
Spider: It's sort of like plastic, only it's made out of animals
Larry: It's sad, ain't it?
Monica: Yeah
Larry: Um, you can't win 'em all
Moon: Oh!
Mike: Sweetheart . . .
Moon: What?
Mike: If we go to the . . . we could probably be alone
Moon: Yeah
Ali: Wo?
Moon: . . . could drink coffee . . .
Ali: Ja! Kaffe war a scho guat, aba des is a Klavier . . .
Mike: I want some soul food . . .
Moon: . . . it's a heartbeat and it feels like a . . .
Mike: Have you seen 'Jungle Fever'?
Moon: . . . a big . . .
Ali: Ha, ha gordum once, sinemaya gittim ben . . .
Mike: 'Jungle Fever.' The girl with the big butt?
Ali: Bak, bu piyanonun icinde nereden sinema buldun sen?
Moon: This must have been what the brochure was talking about. They said you'd . . . you'd feel a . . . a kind of a serenity . . . a feeling of peace of . . . of . . .
Mike: Hey, why, why don't you shut up?!
Ali: Cocuklar, siz saatlerce kahveden birsey anlatiyorsunuz, ama burada . . . ah, bunlarda acayip sarkilar soyluyorlar . . . acayip, degilmi? Yagmurda basliyor . . .
Moon: . . . entering into a different realm . . . I can't remember the name of it . . .
Mike: Hey, yo man . . . I don't like all this waterfall action
Moon: . . . and I guess that's where most of the part of it's . . . I . . . guess it's all about resolving past crime and everything . . . and . . . also . . . about . . .
Ali: Bence . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, hey . . . this ain't the 'Blue Lagoon'! What the hell . . . this ain't 'I Dream of Jeanie'
Ali: Bu pianonun icinde bir . . . meyhane gibi birsey yapmak lazim, yani, piano guzel bir sey ama, . . . bende seni hic anlamiyorum abi . . .
Mike: What? Man, man, I'm gonna close off communications if you don't start speaking the language, Jack!

Top Frank Zappa, Flakes

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Adrian Belew (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Andre Lewis (background vocals)
Randy Thornton (background vocals)
Davey Moire (background vocals)
Flakes! Flakes!
Flakes! Flakes!
They don't do no good
They never be workin'
When they oughta should
They waste your time
They're wastin' mine
California's got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
They got the Flakes
Flakes! Flakes!
They can't fix yer brakes
You ask 'em, "Where's my motor?"
"Well, it was eaten by snakes..."
You can stab 'n' shoot 'n' spit
But they won't be fixin' it
They're lyin' an' lazy
They can be drivin' you crazy
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Take it away, Bob...
I asked as nice as I could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by Friday
Well, them whole damn weekend
came 'n' went, Frankie
Wanna buy some mandies, Bob?
'You Know' they didn't do nothin'
But they charged me double for Sunday
You know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat 'n' rob you
Then they'll give you a bill
That'll get your senses reelin'
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That'll get you so crazy
'Til your head'll go through th' ceilin'
Yes it will!
I'm a moron, 'n' this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n' breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some Flakes
They rush on over
'N' wreck it some more
'N' we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yersterday afternoon
The plumber he says
Never flush a tampoon!
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day-ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
WOO-OOO
We are millions 'n' millions,
We're coming to get you
We're protected by unions
So don't let it upset you
Can't escape the conclusion
It's probably God's Will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children is sleepin',
Yer puppy is crappin'
You might call us Flakes
Or something else you might coin us
But we know you're so greedy
That you'll probably join us
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you

Top Frank Zappa, $.50

Well, my dandruff is loose
An' my breath is chartreuse
I know I ain't cute
An' my voice is ka-poot
But that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say
Ain't gonna sing you no love song
How my heart is all sore
Will not beg your indulgence
'Cause you heard it before
An' that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say
See my prance!
I have taken your time
I have sung you my song
Ain't no great revelation
But it wasn't too long
An' that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way, ha ha!
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say

Top Frank Zappa, 9/8 Objects

[L. Shankar violin]
[1:15]
FZ: Strings do the ornaments of the [frame in right . . .]
....

Top Frank Zappa, A Few Moments With Brother A. West

Frank zappa (lead guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Mike keneally (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Ed mann (vibes, marimba, electronic percussion)
Walt fowler (trumpet, flugel horn, synthesizer)
Bruce fowler (trombone)
Paul carman (alto saxophone, soprano saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Albert wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt mcgettrick (baritone saxophone, bass saxophone, contrabass clarinet)
Scott thunes (electric bass, mini-moog)
Chad wackerman (drums, electronic percussion)
[this is spoken with the style and accent of an evangelist preacher from the southern united states.]
Thank you very much, mr. zappa.
Ah, i'm very pleased to be here on behalf of the administration-- the most powerful government in the world. and, uh, mr. fitzwater invited me to come here tonight to create some balance, because there has been some things done by mr. zappa that i think are unfair to our country.
I think, from the beginning, to say that this is going to be balanced, when he has this *lingerie* up here, and makin' fun of *children's toys*, as a beginning, if this is what he has in mind, i think he's wrong.
It's people like mr. frank zappa that kept the senate from being able to send arms to the democratic freedom fighters in nicaragua! and i, for one, am headin' down there myself, as soon as i finish up here tonight.
And i want the elected official, mr. charlie sanders the democrat, to remember that "democrat" begins with a "d", just like demon! and we'll remember you, friend, when it comes votin' time. and margaret boyd[?] and carmen belacord[?], despite ...[?] habit, did some help to back things up.
Friends, these forms cost money. and this money could be going towards a more powerful military; this money could be going towards driving out the illegal aliens. instead, mr. zappa wants to have a bunch of young, uninformed 18 to 21-year-olds votin' here, and spendin' your money.
And i just want you to know that tonight, i *love* him anyway. because i've got love in my heart, and i'm not afraid of the fact that he turned this into some kind of zoo up here.
Sunday--that's not fair, mr. zappa--sunday night used to be a night in which americans would get together. they'd go to their place of worship, and they would share. and i don't know why, on this night which is supposed to be valentine's night, there aren't more people that have a heart that have a love affair with america. but instead, they're here on sunday night, worshipping this man who's demon-possessed!
I ask you, mr. frank zappa, what kind of man can name a child moon unit? what kind of man can name a child weasel? what kind of man can name a child ohman? to me, it defies the logic.
And i'm comin' here tonight because i want to share with him, just the same way we're going to give spirit power to the democratic freedom fighters down there, our brothers that wanna have the freedom to be able to have a man like pat robertson. to have a man like mr. dole. restore, america!

Top Frank Zappa, A Great Guy

Howard: Well, the character I play is a great guy, you see, right away that gives me a start. Uh, on the other hand, half of it's reality and half of it isn't, you know?
Where the line is, it's sometimes even hard for the players to tell, you know. It's just, uh, when you look at your script some lines come easier than other lines, you know, and usually those are the ones that you've said before, but feel that you could say quite honestly, you know, and some other things were made up and it, it comes out that way

Top Frank Zappa, A Bunch Of Adventures

FZ: From the point that Jeff Simmons quit the group we had a bunch of adventures trying to find somebody to replace him. Non only for the bass parts in the music, but to play the role that he was supposed to play in the film, which is a pretty large part. And, uh, our first candidate for the role was Wilfrid Brambell, who played the grandfather in A Hard Day's Night. So Wilfrid came over, tried out for the part, everything was set, he rehearsed with us for about a week, and then one day came to the studio here and, completely freaked out, and said that he couldn't handle it anymore. So, we went into the dressing room and sat around with the guys in the band and tried to figure out what we're gonna do 'bout replacing the replacement, and the first person that walked through the door was Martin Lickert, who happened to be Ringo's driver, and, uh, everybody just turned and look at him and we went, "You!"

Top Frank Zappa, A Different Octave

Spider: We are . . . actually the same note, but . . .
John: But different octave
Spider: Right. We are 4,928 octaves below the big note
Monica: Are ya . . . are you trying to tell me that . . . that this whole universe revolves around one note?

Top Frank Zappa, Stevie's Spanking

Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
His name is Stevie Vai
And he's a crazy guy
Last November, I recall,
He needed a spanking
He decided then
A female specimen
Would be excitin' for a night
To give him a spanking
Laurel was her name
She came to Notre Dame
He told me just the other day
He oughta be thanking
Her for the spanking
She was large and soft
And she beat him off
Made him drool upon his dork
And gave him a wanking
After the spanking
Hair brush!
Oh! What a hair brush!
(Its not that he requires grooming!
Guys with light blue hair never do!)
Then she did explain:
There's another game
That we can play with this device,
And then a banana!
It was slightly green
Vapors in between
Rising up to fill the room
And cook the banana
She said it was dry
Stevie won't you try
To drool a little drool on it
And grease the banana
Later in the dawn
Laurel carried on
She got right up and dressed herself and
Ate the banana

Top Frank Zappa, Smell My Beard

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Now the sound that you hear in the background right now, is the sound caused by George Duke, agitating two metal insignias. These are badges that he removed from a coupla boogers that Marty tried to palm off on him in the last town that we was in. Actually theyre booger pasties and he's hitting the booger pasty with a little stick to get a very interesting musical effect, you know he does this every night. And sometimes he becomes so overwrought, so excited by the fact that he's actually touching a piece of metal that might have at one time come in contact with the actual flesh of a booger bear. And so sometimes he misses it.
George:
Oh, Lord have mercy . . .
And he hits his thumb and he hurts hisself. Yes it hurts very much, but he likes pain. We can tell that he likes pain because he's in this group.
George:
But, but, its very close to other things . . .
Yes but later that night after George was finished fondling the booger pasty, a thought came to his mind, how, how can I possibly get any nook tonight in (pasege ?) if I don't put this thing down and play the piano and get funky for these people. And so George, as you say in your language, took it away . . .
George:
But before we get funky, the continuing stories of . . .
Napoleon:
Moontrick . . .
George:
No, this aint moontrick this time, we go to moontrick next show. This is the continuing stories of the boogers of Marty Perellis. Do you all know who he is? There he is. Hes got a white shirt on an a . . .
Your two-hunderd and fifty closest relatives, the Mothers of Invention . . .
George:
Yes, anyway, he was in my room. I invited some people over. Young ladies. They looked interesting. Their names shall go unmentioned.
The reason they looked interesting is because they apparently were intelligent enough to dress themselves.
George:
Anyway what was happening was . . . nothing. Ha ha, wasnt nothing happening. So I said Lets get this party on the road. I said lemme call the roadmanager. I said whats your name. Mighty Perellis come down here and meet Miss Cool, Miss Dew & Miss eh, Miss Stool. So we, so Marty got in there and he was there about five minutes and all of a sudden I began to hear other things. I said what you doing over there? I said I never heard nobody do that king of thing before. I said come out of that corner, whats wrong with you, so he comissed it. We were all asking: Men what youre doing over there?
Really whipping it, just whipping it into a frenzy.
George:
All of a sudden he was gone. I look around and Marty had took the Booger out of his room. I said: Where you going? He went down to his room which was room 33. An hour later I went to his room. I knocked on his door. I said: What you doin? He said . . . I said: Say that again. I said: Ho ho. It was late. We had an eight o clock wake up. You all know what that is. Eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up ahrrrrrr. So Marty came out in the hall and looked in the pool and he said, can I say this? He said: Smell my beard. I said: You must be crazy.
Napoleon:
I had to smell it . . .
George:
Show, how ywas walking Marty. And he said: Smell my beard. I said: I aint gonna smell nothing. Napoleon said: Ill . . .
Napoleon:
Check it out, I told you, check it out, make sure . . .
George:
Anyway if you wanna hear . . .
Napoleon:
You know what it smell like . . .
Marty's odor.
George:
Come to the next show for the continuing stories of
Napoleon:
Marty's odor
George:
Marty's trick. But for now we go to . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Evelyn, A Modified Dog

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
Evelyn, a modified dog
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise
In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes
A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom
Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains...

Top Frank Zappa, Can't Afford No Shoes

Top Frank Zappa, Telephone Conversation

Top Frank Zappa, 50/50

Well, my dandruff is loose
An' my breath is chartreuse
I know I ain't cute
An' my voice is ka-poot
But that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say
Ain't gonna sing you no love song
How my heart is all sore
Will not beg your indulgence
'Cause you heard it before
But that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say
I have taken your time
I have sung you my song
Ain't no great revelation
But it wasn't too long
But that's awright people
I'm just crazy enough to sing to you
Any old way
I figure the odds be fifty-fifty
I just might have some thing to say

Top Frank Zappa, Duke Of Prunes

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
A moon beam through the prune In June
Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck
The cheese I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
A moon beam through the prune In June
Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck
The love I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
Prune! (pa-da-dah!)
If it is a real prune Knows no cheese
(cheeky chanky, cheeky chanky)
And stands (Oh no!)
Taller or softer than any tree (or bush)
And I know The love I have for you
Will grow and grow And grow, I think
And so my love I offer you
A love that is strong A prune that is true

Top Frank Zappa, Sofa #2

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, lead vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
I am the heaven
I am the water
I am the dirt beneath your rollers
I am your secret smut & lost metal money
down your cracks
I am your cracks & crannies
I am the clouds
I am embroidered
a am the author of all tucks & damask piping
I am the Chrome Dinette
I am the Chrome Dinette
I am the eggs of all persuasion
I am all days & nights
I am all days & nights
I am all days & nights
I am all days & nights
I am here
And you are my sofa
I am here
And you are my sofa
I am here
And you are my sofa

Top Frank Zappa, Sofa #1

[Instrumental]
....

Top Frank Zappa, San Ber'dino

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato
She's in love with a boy
>From the rodeo
Who pulls the rope on the chute
When they let those suckers go
He's a slobberin' drunk at the Palomino
They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino
Well there's forty-four men
Stashed away in tank "C"
An' there's only one shower
But it don't apply to Bobby
You may think they're
Dumb an' lonely
But you're wrong
'Cause their love is strong
Stacked-up hair
An' a cheap little ring
They don't care
'Cause it don't mean a thing
Looka there...
They don't care
Best-est way that
They can feel-o
Out on the highway
Rollin' a wheel-o
He's her Tootsie
She's for real-o
Trailer park heaven
It's a real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Down in San Ber'dino
Just 60 miles, 60 miles
Down the San Ber'dino freeway
They got some dark green air
An' you can choke all day
That's right!
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Say now
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no
ZULCH is the auto works
I'm telling you
That's where they take
All the cars that they hurt
Come on and let's all go down to San Ber'dino
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Let's-a go down down down
Down in San Ber'dino
Wouldja b'lieve it
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Got to call it)
San Ber'dino
(C'mere)
San Ber'dino
etc., etc., etc.
The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you gotta head like a potato

Top Frank Zappa, Po-Jama People

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
Some people's hot
Some people's cold
Some people's not very
Swift to behold
Some people do it
Some see right through it
Some wear pyjamas
If only they knew it
The pyjamas people are boring me to pieces
They make me feel like I am wasting my time
They all got flannel up 'n down 'em
A little trap-door back aroun' 'em
An' some cozy little footies on their mind
Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people!
Lawd, they make you sleepy
With the things they might say
Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people!
Mother, Mary 'n Jozuf, wish they'd all go away!
Po-jama people!
It's a po-jama people special...
Take one home with you & save a dollar today
Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people!
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out

Top Frank Zappa, Inca Roads

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, lead vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a vehicle to land
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did the indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land
(Chester's Thing... on Ruth)
Did a booger-beer
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill
On Ruth
On Ruth

Top Frank Zappa, Florentine Pogen

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, lead vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Read 'em 'n weep
Was here adjustable slogan
She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan
That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot breaks
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)
She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leak could nearly cost her a quarter
She didn't want to stay home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her
Na-na-na-noo, etc.
She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn
Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep etc.
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche

Top Frank Zappa, Galoot Up-Date

Top Frank Zappa, Chunga's Revenge

Frank Zappa (guitar)Ian Underwood (electric alto with wah-wah pedal)Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (organ)Max Bennet (bass)Aynsley Dunbar (drums)(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Drop Dead

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
HARRY:
JESUS, that was terrific! I've never experienced anything quite like that in a theater before! How 'bout you, RHONDA?
RHONDA:
You're a worm, HARRY. Drop dead. God, you're disgusting! Don't touch me! YUCK! What is this scum on your chest? Did that little rubber MAMMY 'do something' on you?
THING-FISH: (alarmed)
OB'DEWLLA! You lil' vagrant! What you been up to wit de chump over deahh? Lemme see yo' draw's! Uh-HUHHHH! Jes' couldn't hep y'seff, could ya! Pheww! You best be washin' dat thang off, dahlin'! I knows we's sposed ta be un-DESTRUCTABLE, but what you got ripenin' down dere be puttin' us all to DE TEST! Yow!
The EVIL PRINCE tap-dances over to THING-FISH, HARRY & RHONDA.
EVIL PRINCE: (fake Broadway singing)
Pers'nally, dahlin', I found de pre-formnence Wit de brief-case To be un-creedably stim-u-lat-nin'!
RHONDA:
Eat shit, you overbearing male chauvinist member of the scientific community!
THING-FISH:
What a sweet lil' hunk o' heaven she growed up t'be! When she were deflateable, she dint say nothin'...jes kept her face open like dis... waitin' fo de salami dat never 'rived! Now she fuckin' de briefcase, dumpin' de paper all over de flo', hair up in a ugly ol' bun, fountain pen danglin' out her asshole, an' talkin' dirty to a member o' de ROYAL FAM'LY!
Girl! Dis cocksucker mights be EVIL, but he AM a PRINCE! Now he be talkin' de vernak-luh, I's findin' it consid'rubly mo' cornvemient to in- demnify wit his 'point-o-view!
EVIL PRINCE:
Sho' nuff! Um-hmm! Yeah! You a WISE ol' MAMMY! Where you fum, 'rijnlyy?
THING-FISH:
Why...uh...SAINT LOOMIS!
EVIL PRINCE:
Goddam! I knew it! I knew it! I could jes' make it out from yo' renunciation! Sho' get hot down deahh in de summer time!
THING-FISH:
DAT no lie...people be croakin' all over de fuckin' place! I sees y'all like dat sort o' thang...jedgin' fum yo' wa'd-robe, y'all be WELL INTO death 'n pestilence 'n shit! Prob'ly got yo-seff quite some 'spensive educashnin' goin' fo ya!
EVIL PRINCE:
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Heh-heh! Saint Loomis! Damn! Some de ZOMBY-FOLK up de lab-mo-tory got kin deah!
THING-FISH:
Naw! Really? Cain't be!
EVIL PRINCE:
Oh hell yeah! De ugly dead muthafucker on de string deahh...he related to a buncha other ugly dead muthafuckers fum de East Side...'n de curly-headed sho't lil' ugly dead muthafucker wit de dead dog been fuckin' de police commissioner!
THING-FISH:
How you know so much 'bouts what gwine on down deahh, you EVIL COCKSUCKER! Y'all been stayin' quite well un-formed fum bein' in de lab-mo-tory most yo' time!
EVIL PRINCE:
Jes' might distress yo ass to loin dat on de way home fum de SAN QUENTIM 'tater mashin' 'speri- ment, me 'n de country westin muzishnins' drop by de college to receive an honorary degree!
THING-FISH:
You lyin', boy! Dey givin' degrees in 'TATER HUSBANDRY' back de ol' alma-motta!
EVIL PRINCE:
Dat ALL dey givin' any mo'! Muthafuckin' 'TATER HUSBANDRY' be de wave o' de futchum in Saint Loomis! Graduatin' class were over 700, 'n evvy one of 'em dealin' wit dem 'taters like de shrimp-murderers down at Benny-Hanny's!
THING-FISH: (looking down at OB'DEWLLA)
What? Huh? You wanna what? OB'DEWLLA, de PRINCE jes' be shootin' de home-town shit heahh! He ain't gwine give us no mo' provlem! What you mean, girl? Okay, okay! Go 'head 'n fuck de lil' CRAB-GRASS BABY wit de enormous white pompadour! Go on deah. Git down wit yo' nasty lil' ol' degenerate seff!
THING-FISH puts the CRAB-GRASS BABY on the floor and positions OB'DEWLLA over it. He places his foot on OB'DEWLLA'S back and pumps both of them up and down. As the computer- speech drones on, THING-FISH watches the spectacle, commenting...
THING-FISH: (contd.)
Twist 'n shout! Work it on out ('n in)! Hmmm! Get down! Go on! Give him a little shoe! Dat's what Denny be doin'...work on Jumbo evvy time! Go on! Get de lil' pompadour up in de air again! I like dat part! Hmmm! Jes' like de Olympics!
HARRY:
It's-it's fascinating the way things are resolving themselves around here! I-I never would have sus- pected anything like this when we came in!
RHONDA:
Where are your real clothes, HARRY? Are you going back to Long Island like that?
HARRY:
I have nothing to be ashamed of! I have a LOVELY body. Everyone will understand! I've-I've ACCOM- PLISHED something tonight! I really believe that! I've found a sort of fulfilment other men only DREAM about!
RHONDA: (naked, re-stuffing the briefcase)
You've accomplished NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! You're a MERE WORM...less than that...you're a useless ALL-AMERICAN 'MAN-WORM'! The most disgusting creature on the face of the earth. Phooey on you! Worms like you would be NOTHING without ME and MY KIND! WE are THE FUTURE, HARRY! Not you! WE don't need YOU and YOUR KIND, because OUR KIND is THE BEST KIND!
MAN-KIND is SHIT, HARRY! OUR KIND will get rid of YOUR KIND, just like wiping off this fountain pen, HARRY! Smell it quick, you submissive little cocksucker, 'cause I'm wiping it off... any minute now!
THIS IS SYMBOLISM, HARRY! Really DEEP, INTENSE, THOUGHT-PROVOKING BROADWAY SYMBOLISM! THIS ISN'T 'DREAM GIRLS', HARRY! This is the way it REALLY IS...I'm talking to you, HARRY! WE HATE YOU! WE are MODERN, HARRY! You are not 'MODERN'! Worms are not MODERN!
While YOU became LAWYERS and ACCOUNTANTS, and read PLAYBOY and bought a pipe, WE PLANNED and DREAMED and FUCKED OUR BRIEFCASES while you weren't looking! Yes, HARRY! That's right! And we've actually been able to REPRODUCE OURSELVES THAT WAY...FOR YEARS, HARRY, but YOU NEVER KNEW! Did you? You worm.
We had SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES made...by WOMEN OPTOMETRISTS who promised NEVER to TELL!
We learned how to hide SECRET STUFF, wrapped up in the middle of those severe terminal BUNS we wear! Little TRANSMITTERS, HARRY! Little RECEIVERS! Oh...don't pretend to be surprised, HARRY! We even had ROOM LEFT OVER in there for all of our most favorite little embroidered delicate secretly feminine child-like helpless pathetic sentimental totally useless PERSONAL 'GIRL-THINGS' that smell like the stuff they put in the toilet paper. You played GOLF! You watched FOOTBALL! You drank BEER! We EVOLVED! We only look like WANDAS and RHONDAS! We are SUPERB, HARRY! We are SUBLIME! We are perfect in EVERY WAY! And you? What are you? You are the all-American cocksucker...jizzing all over your leather cocksucker costume after beating the snot out of yourself with a rubber MAMMY!

Top Frank Zappa, Road Ladies

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (rhythm guitar)
Jeff Simmons (bass, vocals)
George Duke (organ)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie (vocals)
Don't it ever get lonesome?
yeah!
sure gets lonesome
Don't it ever get sad when you go out on the road?
oh, there was one time in Minneapolis.. when I thought I had the clap for sure
Don't it ever get lonesome?
whoa-ho!
lonesome ain't the word
Don't it ever get sad when you go out on a thirty day tour?
You got nothing but groupies and promotors to love you
and a pile of laundry by the hotel door.
Don't it ever get lonesome?
Don't it ever give a young man the blues?
Don't it ever get lonesome?
Don't it ever make a young man wanna go back home?
When the P.A. system eats it,
And the band plays some of the most terriblest shit you've ever known.
Don't you ever miss your house in the country
and your hot little mamma too?
Don't you ever miss your house in the country
and your hot little mamma too?
Don't you better get a shot from the doctor for what the
Road Ladies do to you.
I know someday I will never,
I'll never go out on the road again.
I know someday I will never,
I ain't gonna roam the country side.
No more.
I'm gonna hang up them ol' holiday inns
and heal my knees up, from when I was doin' it on the floor
See me doing it!
See me doing on the floor
Don't you ever miss your house in the country
and your hot little mamma too?
Don't you ever miss your house in the country
and your hot little mamma too?
Don't you better get a shot from the doctor for what the

Top Frank Zappa, Outside Now (in album Broadway The Hard Way)

Top Frank Zappa, The Black Page Drum Solo Page #1

Top Frank Zappa, Why Don't You Like Me?

Top Frank Zappa, Little House I Used To Live In

Top Frank Zappa, Direct from hollywood Overture

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen!
Chorus:
200 motels
Theodor Bikel:
200 motels.. Life on the road.
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen! and here he is..
Who?
Larry the dwarf.
Larry likes to dress up funny. Tonight he's dressed up like Frank Zappa.
Let's ask him "What's the deal?"

Top Frank Zappa, Switching Girls

Motorhead: I keep switching girls all the time, because if I'm able to find a girl with really a groovy car that ain't build up, man,
I'll go steady with her for a while until I'd build up her car and blow out the engine!

Top Frank Zappa, The Big Squeeze

[Mayfair Studios, NYC
August-September, 1967
Dick Barber snorks
FZ kazoo, percussion, celeste]

Top Frank Zappa, Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (electric piano)
George Duke (trombone)
Jeff Simmons (bass, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie (vocals)
Hi and howdy doody.
I'm a union man
You can call me Rudy.
Any of you boys not paid up on your cards?
You know I'm pleased to meet ya
Been tryin all day to reach ya
The union's here to help everyone of you rock 'n' roll stars.
Rock 'n' Roll stars.
You always know we
care so much
about the way they
treat ya.
They say they got a lot of
reasons every day..
Just to get
A chance to meet you.
To check and see
No wrong been done
That's one good reason
I carry a gun.
I hope the bulge
Don't bum you out.
Wanna get a good look?
Let me pull it right out!
Let me pull it right out!
Let me pull it right out!
Let me whip it right out!
Hi and howdy doody.
I'm a union man
You can call me Rudy.
Any of you boys not paid up on your cards?
You know I'm pleased to meet ya
Been tryin all day to reach ya
The union's here to help everyone of you rock 'n' roll stars.
Hahahaha!
Welcome to Chicago
Welcome to L.A.
Welcome to our local here
You'll always hear me say
The work is here; It's a couple a bucks.
I'm sure you're glad to pay.
Whip it out, here is your receipt
Now I'll go away, now I'll go away...
Now I'll go away, now I'll go away...
Away-y-y! Away-y-y! Away-y-y!

Top Frank Zappa, Sharleena

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (grand piano, tenor saxophone)
George Duke (organ)
Jeff Simmons (bass, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie (vocals)
I'm crying,
I'm crying,
Crying for Sharleena.
Don't you know?
I called up all my baby's friends
and asked them,
where she done went.
But nobody around here seems to know,
Where my Sharleena has been.
Where my Sharleena has been.
I'm crying,
I'm crying,
Crying for Sharleena.
Can't you see?
I called up all my baby's friends
and asked them,
where she done went.
But nobody around here seems to know,
Where my Sharleena has been.
Where my Sharleena has been.
Ten long years I been lovin' her.
Ten long years and I thought deep down in my heart she was mine.
Ten long years I beloved her.
Ten long years and I would call her my baby.
And now, I'm always crying.
Ugh!
Ugh!
I would be so delighted.
I would be so delighted.
If they would just
Send her on home to me.
I would be so delighted.
I would be so delighted.
If they would just
Send her on home to me.
Send my baby home to me!
Send my baby home to me!
Send my baby home.

Top Frank Zappa, Tell Me You Love Me

Frank Zappa (guitar, condor)
Ian Underwood (rhythm guitar, pipe organ)
George Duke (electric piano)
Jeff Simmons (bass)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie (vocals)
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Like I want you to.
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Girl! Girl! Girl!
I love you so hard now I'm crying for you.
Don't make me lose my pride.
I want to come inside,
and grab ahold of you.
and grab ahold of you.
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Like I want you to.
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Now! Now! Now!
I want to feel it,
Give me your love now!
Don't make me steal it.
Don't make me steal it.
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Like I want you to.
Tell me you love me!
Tell me you love me!
Girl! Girl! Girl!
I love you so hard now I'm crying for you.
Burning with fire,
I got a hot desire
'Cause I gotta make love with you.
'Cause I gotta make love with you.
Baby
'Cause I gotta make love with you.
'Cause I gotta make love with you.
Tell me you love me!
Like I want you to.
Tell me you love me!
Like I want you to.
Tell me you love me!

Top Frank Zappa, Dummy Up

Top Frank Zappa, Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?

Top Frank Zappa, F.z. Drum Duet

Frank Zappa (drums)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, That's Not Really Reggae

[Guitar solo from Whippin' Post (Allman)
Hammersmith Odeon, London
September 26, 1984
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Bobby Martin keyboards
Alan Zavod keyboards
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]

Top Frank Zappa, Stucco Homes

UMRK
1979
engineer: Steve Nye
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice
Davey Moire voice?]
Bozzio: Once in a while . . .
Moire?: Oh, [she got deaf]
Bozzio: Da-dwe-dee-da-doo-dwe-da-dee-da-doo-da-ah!

Top Frank Zappa, Super Grease

Ooooooh Aaaaaah
Ooooh
Aaaah
Howard: Poor baby!
FZ: Oooooh . . . Don't like the Greek food in this neighborhood, hey?
Oooooh . . .
FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat?
Mark: I ate . . .
FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat?
Howard: I had a Shish kebab
FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat? You didn't eat?
Mark: I was having chicken . . .
FZ: You didn't eat?
Howard: He didn't eat anything. He drank wine
Mark: With, uh, spinnach . . .
FZ: What did you eat?
Mark: And boiled potatoes . . .
Jim: I had a roller skate
Mark: Not just any grease but . . .
GREASE
The browness of her body
Makes me sweat inside my crotch
I want so much to kiss her
But I/she smells of rancid botch
Do do do do do do
Oooooooh wagh!
Mark: Grease, grease, I tell ya, all I had was grease, it cost me two dollars and thirty five cents, it was nothing but a plate of grease
Howard: And a wine tasted like . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Don't Take Me Down

Dick: (Snorks)
Howard: 'Not duke, not queen, but king.' You haven't lost your touch, Gnarler, you can snort with the best of 'em
Mark: This guy said that a couple of guys have broken in the doors and shit
Howard: Oh, great, a riot! Just like Berlin!
Mark: They broke indoors 'cause there is a hassle about the bread or something, the money
?: Can I carry your brief?
Mark: No, thanks
?: No?
Howard: Can I brief your carry?
Mark: I'll do it
Howard: Really! Would you be my wife for an hour?
Howard: Right on! Right on!
(Opening Act: Thank you very much)
Howard: Right on!
(Opening Act: That's right, don't take me down. Don't do it)
Howard: Don't do it! Don't take me down! I don't wanna go down no more!

Top Frank Zappa, Don't Eat There

[Rainbow Theater, London, England
December 10, 1971]
Waitress: Are you having breakfast for lunch?
Howard: I'm having breakfast and he's lunched. I'll tell you what, what can you give me immediately? If not sooner, nothing hot, nothing . . . So that by the time he's finished eating those hot cakes and those dead things that I won't finish myself
Waitress: Bacon and eggs? Are you, are you gonna have breakfast?
Dick: No no no no no
Howard: No no
Dick: No no no no no
Howard: He'll never go for that
Dick: No no no, a roll and some orange juice
?: . . . Jimmy Graham
Waitress: Orange juice and . . . uh . . . a roll, uh-huh?
Aynsley: One stale roll
Dick: Yeah
FZ: Bread and water
Aynsley: One stale roll
Dick: Bread and water
Waitress: Thank you
Howard: Frank, you really missed it at the club last night. You should have seen what went on, man, if you would have had your tape recorder there, you would have been rolling on the ground, holding your sides. It was the greatest. Everybody was out of it, drinking wine, cheap wine. And then there was this group, this nice tight little group that was playin' and they did about two numbers, and he said: 'Okay, uh, any of you guys wanna come up here?' And of course Old Stewed Simmons was the first one to check out the cat's guitar, and so he immediately procceeded to play lead. This chick came out of the audience, man, a la Janis Joplin in a gold lame, only she was rancid, and she came out there and tried to sing blues changes like Buddy Miles or something, but it just didn't work 'cause she was singing, 'Get yourself together . . . You are where it's at . . . ,' she did it for like . . . forty minutes, man, it was wonderful . .

Top Frank Zappa, The Untouchables

Top Frank Zappa, Harry & Rhonda

Top Frank Zappa, Echidna's Arf (Of You)

Top Frank Zappa, Divan

[Pauley Pavilion, UCLA, California
August 7, 1971]
Ballen von Zecken
Und alten Sporthemden, Sporthemden, Sporthemden
Lachen von Feuer
Lachen von Gummi
Lachen von Tranen
(Sheets of tears)
Ooh ooh ooh awh . . .
Lachen von getrocknetem Wasser
(Sheets of drywall and roofing)
Lachen von drywall und roofing
(Sheets of large deprived rumba)
Lachen von riesigen, tief-gefrorenen Rumba
A light shines down from heaven
A dense ecumenical bandana
At the right hand of God's big rumba
And his voice pronounceth out
In sheets of plywood
And bales of old sportshirts
And this is what he said
Beklecker nicht
Beklecker nicht
Beklecker nicht
Beklecker nicht
Mein Sofa!
And you know what that means . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Diseases Of The Band

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Hiya folks!
Alright, here's the deal,
This is our last show here in London
Gee, it's gonna be tough!
Got a few...a few of the boys are sick tonight
But they're still gonna...give you their ALL
I want to introduce you to the members of the rockin' teen-age
combo and tell you which ones are sick and what they've got
Denny Walley on slide and vocals
He has, he has an aluminum finger
And we're gonna have that removed
a little bit later in this show^LThis is Ike Willis
Ike has a...now Ike, Ike is our lead vocalist,
Our dynamic male vocalist
He's got a soar throat
And all sorts of other things are wrong with him
He'll never be able to get through this show
The only thing he's got to take care of is his knitted hat
And of course Tommy Mars,
Who also has stomach-flu, on keyboards
Do you have any other diseases Tommy?
No? He's available! OK!
Ed Mann on percussion
Ed is still healthy
Except, and he told me this backstage,
Except for his mental health
You have to expect these things in this kind of a group
And Peter Wolf on keyboards
There's, there...apparently there's nothing wrong with Peter yet
(He's got stomach-flu too)
You have stomach-flu too?
Ooh, my goodness!
The circle is closing in
Okay, Vince Colaiuta on drums
Now, as you can see from looking at Vince,
There's absolutely nothing wrong with him
(Malnutrition)
Arthur Barrow, our bass player has got a ...
He's having a lotta trouble
He's been very sick all day
Missed the soundcheck and everything
But he's gonna try
He's gonna try really hard

Top Frank Zappa, What Kind Of Girl

Top Frank Zappa, When The Lie's So Big

Top Frank Zappa, The Little March

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Lowell George (guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Trouble Every Day (in album You Can't Do That On S

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Lowell George (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Well I'm about to get up sick
From watchin my t.v.
Been checkin' out the news
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when its gonna change, my friend
Is anybody's guess
So I'm watching and I'm waiting
Hopin' for the best
Even think I go to praying
Every time I hear them sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' everyday
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Wednesday I watched the riot
I've seen the cops out on the street
Watch them throwing rocks and stuff and choking in the heat
Listen to reports
About the whiskey passin' round
Seen the smoke and fire
And the market burnin' down
Watched while everybody on his street would take a turn
They stomp and smash and bash and crash and slash and bust 'n burn
And I'm watching and I'm waitin hopin' for the best
Even think I go to prayin'
Every time I hear em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' everyday
You can cool it
You can heat it
Cause baby I don't need it
Take your T.V. tube and eat it
And all that phony stuff on sports
And all those unconfirmed reports
You know I watch that rotten box
Until my head begin to hurt
From checkin' out the way
The newsmen say they get the dirt
Before the guys on channel so and so
and further they assert
That any show they litter up
They bring you news if it comes up
They say that if the place blows up
They will be the first to tell
Cause the boys they got downtown
Working hard and doin swell
And if anybody gets the news
before it hits the streets
They say that no one blams it faster
Their coverage can't be beat
And if another woman driver
Gets machine gunned from her seat
They'll send some joker with a Brownie
And youll see it all complete
So I'm watching and I'm waiting
Hopin for the best
Even think I go to praying
Every time I hear them saying
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' everyday
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Well I've seen the fires burnin'
And the local people turnin'
All the merchants and the shops
Who use to sell their brooms and mops
And every other household item
Watch the mob just turn and bite em
And they say it serve them right
Because a few of them are white
And it's the same across the nation
Black and white discrimination
Yell and you can understand me
And all that other crap they hand me
In the papers and t.v.
And all that mass stupidity
That seems to grow more everyday
These time of year some asshole say
He wants to go and do you in
Cause the color of your skin
Just don't appeal to him
No matter if it's black or white
Because he's out for blood tonight

Top Frank Zappa, The Dead Girls Of London

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Do you see what they are
Do you hear what they say
People it is sad but true
They're dressed really stupid
But they think they're O.K.
And they got no use for you
The dead girls of London
Why do they act that way?
Maybe it's the water, mama
Maybe it's the tea
Maybe it's the way they was raised
Maybe it's the stuff what they read in the papers
Keeps them lookin' sorta half in a daze
Well the dead girls of London
Why do they act that way?
We're the dead girls of London
We thinks we are fine
We ain't hittin' on nothin'
But the boutique frame of mind
You see 'em dancing at the disco every night
Like a bunch of little robot queens
Making little noises full of fake delight
But they're really just so full of beans
The dead girls of London
Why do they act that way?
We're the dead girls of London
We thinks we are fine
We ain't hittin' on nothin'
But the boutique frame of mind
Boutique frame of mind
Gee I like your pants
Boutique frame of mind
Gee I like your pants
Boutique frame of mind

Top Frank Zappa, The Frank Zappa AAAFNRAAA Birthday Bundle

Give me
Your dirty love
Like you might surrender
To some dragon in your dreams
Give me
Your dirty love
Like a pink donation
To the dragon in your dreams
I don't need your sweet devotion
An' I don't want your cheap emotion
Whip me up some dragon lotion
For your dirty love
Your dirty love
Give me
Your dirty love
Like some tacky little pamphlet
In your daddy's bottom drawer
Give me
Your dirty love
I don't believe you never seen
His book before
I don't need no consolation
I don't want your reservation
I only got one destination
An' that's your dirty love
Your dirty love
Give me
Your dirty love
Just like your mama
Make her fuzzy poodle do
(Oh, Frenchie . . . )
Give me
Your dirty love
The way your mama
Make that nasty poodle chew
I'll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little-bo-peep diploma
I'll just put you in a coma
With some dirty love
Some dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Not a speck of cereal!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Nothing but the best for my dog!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Come on!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Come on, Frenchie)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Little paws sticking up!)
THE POODLE BITES!
(Little curly hairs!)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
(Little curly hairs!)

Top Frank Zappa, Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme

Top Frank Zappa, Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously?

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Uhhh, Mike Scheller says his life is a mess Fritz Rau says asparagus Should only be consumed By people with a larger mouth (?) fa fa fa fa Shall we take ourselves seriously? Shall we talk about it all night long? Shall we think we are so evolved? Will we be depressed If were wrong? Shall we take ourselves seriously? Shall we take ourselves elsewhere? Shall we drink while we squat there In the middle of this stupid song? Shall we never go out there? Shall we take us where we dont belong When we notice that the spargel is gone? Shall we weep in the box office dawn Oh go away Im no good for you Are the tickets all counted? Are the costs all accounted for? Shall we bring up the spargel For discussion at least once more? Shall we take ourselves seriously? Shall we think we are so mature? Shall we be very wrong At the end of this song? If we will ever (?)

Top Frank Zappa, Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Lowell george (guitar, vocals)
Roy estrada (bass)
Don preston (keyboards)
Buzz gardner (trumpet)
Ian underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy carl black (drums)
Arthur tripp (drums)
(instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Right There

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Lowell George (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, vocals)
Arthur Tripp (drums, vocals)
Hehehehuhu
Oh God stop, ahhaha
Oh God oh God
Right there, right there, right there
Ohowowoho
Oho ay ay oh oh oh
Right there, right there, oh God
Oh God, ai ai, oh god, oh oh oh
Ohh, ohh, oh no
I cant stand it
Right there, right there, right there
right there, ohwohoh, right there
over there, right there, right there
He he he he he
Oww yes, oww Yes
Oh Yes, oh yes
(etc)
More, more, more, more
More, more, more, more
Lalalalalala
(etc)
Oh gosh, ho ho ho, Oh gosh
Poowah
I feel so good
I feel so good

Top Frank Zappa, Piano\Drum Duet

Ian Underwood (electric piano)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Proto-Minimalism

Frank zappa (lead guitar)
Lowell george (guitar)
Roy estrada (bass)
Don preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz gardner (trumpet)
Ian underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy carl black (drums)
Arthur tripp (drums)
Dave samuels (vibes)
Poowah!

Top Frank Zappa, Truck Driver Divorce

Frank Zappa (vocals, guitar)
Steve Vai (rhythm guitar)
Ray White (rhythm guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Truck driver divorce!
It's very sad
(Steel guitars
Usually weep all over it)
The bold & intelligent
MASTERS OF THE ROAD
With their Secret Language,
And the GIANT
OVER-SIZED
MECHANICAL
TRANS-CONTINENTAL
HOBBY-HORSE!
Truck driver divorce!
It's very sad!
Oh the wife!
Oh the kids!
Oh the waitress!
Oh the drive all night!
Sometimes when you get home
Some ugly lookin' son-of-a-bitch
Is trying to pooch yer
HOME-TOWN SWEETHEART!
Oh, go ride the bull!
Oh, go ride the bull!
Make it go up 'n down
'N when you fall off,
You can eat the mattress!
TRUCK DRIVER DIVORCE!
IT'S VERY SAD!
Bust yer ass
To deliver some string beans,
Deliver some string beans,
Deliver some string beans,

Top Frank Zappa, Willie The Pimp (in album You Can't Do That On Sta

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Im a little pimp
With my hair gassed back
Pair a khaki pants
With my shoe shined black
I got a little lady . . .
And she walks that street
Tellin' all the boys
That she can't be beat
She can't be beat
She can't be beat
She's so sweet
She knows she can't be beat
She can't be beat
She can't be beat
She's so sweet
She knows she can't be beat
Twenny dollah bill
(I can set you straight)
Meet me on the corner boy an don't be late
Man in a suit
With a bow-tie neck
Tryna buy some pussy
With a third party check
A third party check, a third party check
He's tryna buy some pussy
With a third party check
A third party check, a third party check
He's tryna buy some pussy
With a third party checks
Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell:
HOT MEAT . . .
HOT RATS . . .
HOT CATS . . .
HOT ZITS
HOT MEAT . . .
HOT FEET . . .
HOT RATS . . .
HOT CATS

Top Frank Zappa, The Torture Never Stops (in album You Can't Do Tha

Frank Zappa (guitar)
Captain Beefheart (harmonica, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Denny Walley (slide guitar)
George Duke (keyboards)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Flies all green and buzzin'
In this dungeon of despair
Prisoners grumblin
Piss they clothes
Scratch their matted hair
A tiny light from a window-hole
Hundred yards away
That all they ever get to know
'Bout the regular life in the day
'Bout the regular life in the day
Slime and rot and rats and snuck
Vomit on the floor
Fifty ugly soldier men
Holdin' spears by the iron door
Stinks so bad, stones are chokin'
Weepin' greenish drops
In the den where
The giant fire puffer woiks
And the torture never stops
The torture never stops, torture
The torture never stops
The torture never stops
Flies all green and buzzin'
In this dungeon of despair
An Evil Prince eats a steamin' pig
In a tumbers right near there
In the chambers right near there
He eats de snouts an trotters first!
The loins and the groins are then dispersed
His carvin style is well rehearsed
He stands and shouts
All men be cursed (4x)
And disagree it, well no one durst
He the best of cause of all the woist
Best of cause of all the woist
He stinks so bad his stones been chokin'
Weepin' greenish drops
In the room with the iron maiden
And the torture never stops, torture
Torture never stops
Torture never stops, torture
Torture never stops
Flies all green and buzzin'
In dungeon of despair
Who are'll those people
That is shut away down there
Are they crazy
Are they sainted
Are they heroes someone painted
Someone painted
Are they -isms
Later ornated
Once they come they have been tainted
Once they come they have been tainted
Never been explained
Since at first it was created
But a dungeon and his kin'
Require naught but lockin' in
Of any anything thats been
Could be a her but its probly a him
Could be a her but its probly a him
Its whats the deal were dealin' in
Its whats the deal were dealin' in
An he stinks so bad its hurt
To the pearl and the piles of blast
Any dungeon have a trailer
Were the torture never stops, torture
Torture never stops
Torture never stops, torture
Torture never stops
Torture never stops, talkin' to you
Torture never stops

Top Frank Zappa, Tiny Sick Tears

Frank Zappa (vocals)
Lowell George (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
You know sometimes in the middle in the night
You get to feeling uptight
And wish you were feelin alright
And you know youre white
And you ain't got no soul
And theres no one with a hole nearby
And therefore in your teen-age madness and delirium
You toss and turn in your sweaty little grey teen-age sheets
In that little room with the psychedelic posters
And the red bulb
And the incense
And your bead collection
And your country song round up books
And you cry your tiny sick tears
Tiny sick tears
Tiny sick tears
Tiny sick tears
You know you gotto gotto gotto gotto
Youve gotta find some relief from the terrible..
From the terrible ache thats clutching right at your heart
Because its hurting you to your heart
And your crying tiny sick tears
And you have to go downstairs
Out of your bedroom
Out into the hall
Down to the living room
To the living room
To the kitchen
To the cookie jar
Where you wanna get your cookies
And you take the top off the cookie jar
And you stick your tiny sick hand in the cookie jar
And you reach around in the cookie jar
To find a raisin cookie
A spongy one with the little plump raisins
A little tactile sensation for your tiny sick fingers
Squeeze the raisin on the cookie
Pull the cookie out of the jar
Stuff the raisin into your eating hole
Push it all the way in your eating hole
Now make your eating hole wrap itself around the tiny sick cookie
Scarve the cookie
Put the lid back on the jar
Go over to the ice box
Open the ice box
Pull out the box of milk
Open the box of milk
Into a triangular beak like that
Pull the little triangular beak up to your drinking hole
Up to your hole
Pour the white fluid from the drinking box into your hole
Close the beak
Reinsert the box into the ice box
Close the box door
Walk out of the kitchen
Through the living room
Back up the stairs
Past your sisters room
Past your brothers room
You take a mask from the ancient hallway
Make it down to your fathers room
And you walk in
And your father, your tiny sick father
Is beating his meat to a Playboy magazine
Hes got it rolled into a tube
And hes got his tiny sick pud stuffed in the middle of it
Right flat up against the centerfold
There he is your father with a tiny sick erection
And you walk in and you say:
Father I want to kill you
And he says: Not now son, not now
HANDS UP!
OOOO LAAAA
I know that its so hard stop playing this soul music, you know, cause it really . . . For one thing its really easy . . . And for another thing: It wastes a lot of time while were on stage. We learned in our travels that teenagers are ready to accept these two chords no matter how theyre played. It makes you feel secure, cause you know that after, did de dit de didde the other one is gonna come on. It never fails, simple . . . Some people would say its bullshit. But we love it, don't we kids?

Top Frank Zappa, The Evil Prince

Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, lead vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Well well well, now, dis de nasty sucker dat be respondable fo de enwhiffment o de origumal potium. Now in his infinate respondable party personage as de Evil Prince and through de magik o stage-kraft of course, wes about to see what gwine on in his magikal conjurance up of his little cauldrom of doom! Now check it on out now
Somewhere, over there, I can tell,
I guess so
Theres the voice of
A potato-headed whatchamacallit
Whoo, do tell!
Who does not wish me well!
His clothes are quite stupid,
And also his shoes!
Ain't no bussiness like show business
He's got a big ol duck-mouth!
Who knows how he chews!
He thinks he knows something
About THE GREAT PLAN!
How ULTIMATE BLANDNESS
Must RULE and COMMAND
He knows not a drop,
Not a crumb,
Not a whit,
Of the reason for doing
This criminal shit
And then, if he did,
Would it matter a bit?
Not at all!
Because IT IS WRIT:
Our BEIGE-BLANDISH GOD
Tends to CERTIFY IT:
Only the boring and bland shall survive!
Only the lamest of lameness will thrive!
Take it or leave it, you wont be alive,
If you are overtly CREATIVE!
Fairies and faggots and queers are
CREATIVE
All the best music on Broadway is
NATIVE
Who will step forward
And end all this trouble?
For beige-blandish citizens,
Clutching the rubble
Of vanishing dreams
Of wimpish amusement,
Replaced by a rash
Of CREATIVE confusement!
Soon, my brave Zombies,
Youll make your return!
Broadway will glow!
Broadway will burn!
(Along with the remnants of
EVERYTHING NEW)
My HOLY DISEASE will do
Wonders for you!
Those lovely producers
Who paid for you then
Will do it again, and again, and again!
The spying potato
The spying potato
With horrible diction
And terrible diction
Will rot in the garbage
I can smell it right now
When this shows eviction
Takes place shortly after
My alternate skill
Of THEATRICAL SABOTAGE
Triumphs YOUR will!
I've a special review
Yes I know you really do!
I've been saving for years
Yes I know you really have
For a show just like this,
For a really stupid show
With POTATOES and QUEERS
I'll say its disgusting, atrocious, and dull
I'll say it makes boils inside of your skull
I'll say its the worst -of-the-worst of the year,
No wind down the plain, and its hard on your ear
I'll say its the work of an infantile mind
I'll say that its tasteless, and that you will find
A better excuse to spend money or time
At a Tupper-Ware Party, wee-oo
So, do be a smarty!
Oo-oo-wee-oo
Hold on to that dollar
A little while longer
For spending it here,
Why, it couldnt be wronger!
WHATS HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?
WHERES IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?
THE HEART AND SOUL
THE PATTER?
THE PITTER?
And after this deadly review hits the paper,
In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER,
To legally execute all that remains
Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains
Drug-addled brains, drug addled brains
(solo)
Hold on to that g-string
A little while longer
For spending it here,
Why, it couldnt be wronger!
WHATS HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?
WHERES IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?
THE HEART AND SOUL
THE PATTER?
THE PITTER?
And after this deadly review hits the paper,
In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER,
To legally execute all that remains
Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains

Top Frank Zappa, The Man From Utopia

Well this is the story of a man
That lived in Pistoia
This is the story of a man
That lived in Pistoia
He was a funny little fellow
With feet just like I showed ya
Well he had a girl
And Tony got her for him
Well he had a girl
But Sinobbio says he got it
She did everything for him
That she could do
But still (still still)
He locked her in the bathroom
But still (still still)
He locked her in the bathroom
Then he took her to Milan
and locked her in the hotel too
Oh Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou )
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
Oh Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou )
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
You did everything for him

Top Frank Zappa, The Booger Man

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
White juice on his beard
Well the booger man
White juice on his beard
Get down
White juice on his beard
The booger man
White juice on his beard
In my room
White juice on his beard
Look at the booger
White juice on his beard
Then he was gone
White juice on his beard
Wait three hours
White juice on his beard
Didnt sing no song
White juice on his beard
I said: What youre doing
None of your bizz
Said what youre doing
He said: None of your bizz
His pants were sticking through his leg
Talk about the Booger man
His pants were sticking through his leg
Right over there
His pants were sticking through his leg
Oh the Booger man
His pants were sticking through his leg
Had a bear
His pants were sticking through his leg
The Booger man
Wonder why
They ate after six
Wonder why
I said: What youre doing
Wonder why
With you ole tricks
Wonder why
Oh Lord the Booger man
His pants were sticking through his leg
In my room
His pants were sticking through his leg
Damn little booger
White stuff on his beard
Till my noon
White stuff on his beard
What youre doing
White cream on his beard
In my bed
White cream on his beard
With that booger
His pants were sticking through his leg
Instead
His pants were sticking through his leg
Somebody find
Smell my beard is what he said
Somebody find, find, find
Smell my beard is what he said
Somebody find, find, find
Sho was good
Somebody made me do this
The Booger man get on down
The Booger man had a crown
On his head now
Cleaned his shoes
In his bed now, playin the blues, oh yeah. Ah, lord.
George:
Personally I aint got nothing against no boogers y'know every now and then you know . . .
Yes, just listen to George all you boogers in the audience. This is Georges plea.
George:
But see, what you have to remember that uh, in the final analysis, a booger to one is not a booger to all, he he . . . Aint that right, aint that right?
Thats right!
George:
Aint that right
George:
Please, get down Ruth . . .
Napoleon: As Chester would say:
A booger is in the eye of the beholder
George:

Top Frank Zappa, The Closer You Are

Ray White (vocals)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Bobby Martin (vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
The closer you are
The brighter the stars in the sky
And darling,
I realize
That you're the one in my life
Oh oh
My heart skips a beat
Every time
You and I meet
My life, my love, my dear
I can't defeat
This yearning deep in my heart
To have only you
When I first saw you,
I did adore you,
And all your loving ways
But then you went away,
But now you're back to stay,
And my love for you grows stronger every
Day-ahhh Way-ahhh Way
The closer you are,
The brigher the flames in my heart,
And darling,
We'll never part

Top Frank Zappa, Teen-Age Wind

Frank Zappa (lead vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
I gotta be free
Free as the wind
Free as the way
I gotta be
Maybe I'm lost
Maybe I've sinned
I gotta be totally free
Our parents don't love us
Our teachers they say
Things that are boring
So were running away
And we will be free
And people will see
That when we are free
Thats the way we should be
We must be free
We must be free as the wind
We were free well when we were born
We were born free but now
We are not free anymore
But we wanna be free
And were gonna be free
So we wanna be free
And were gonna be free
Did you know that:
Free is when you don't
Have to pay for nothing
Or do nothing
We want to be free
Free as the wind (4x)
We wanna, yeah-heah, we wanna, yeah-heah,
we wanna, yeah-heah, we wanna be free
We gonna, yeah-heah, we gonna, yeah-heah,
we gonna, yeah-heah, we gonna be free
We gotta, yeah-heah, we gotta, yeah-heah,
we gotta, yeah-heah, we gotta be free
We gotta, yeah-heah, we gotta, yeah-heah,
we gotta, yeah-heah, we gotta be free
We gotta, gotta
Gotta be free
Gotta be free
Gotta be free
Yeah-heah, yeah-heah

Top Frank Zappa, The Black Page

[Instrumental]

Top Frank Zappa, Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?

Top Frank Zappa, You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Vol. 2: The Helsinki Concert

Top Frank Zappa, Beat the Boots: Disconnected Synapses

Top Frank Zappa, Beat the Boots: Electric Aunt Jemima

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Well I'm about to get UPSET
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean they say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when it's gonna change, my friends
Is anybody's guess
So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Wednesday I watched the riot...
I seen the cops out on the street
Watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff
And chokin' in the heat
Listened to reports
About the whisky passin' 'round
Seen the smoke & fire
And the market burnin' down
Watched while everybody
On his street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn
And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Well you can cool it,
You can heat it...
'Cause, baby, I don't need it...
Take your TV tube and eat it
'N all that phony stuff on sports
'N all THOSE unconfirmed reports
You know I watched that rotten box
Until my head began to hurt
From checkin' out the way
The newsmen say they get the dirt
Before the guys on channel so-and-so
And further they assert
That any show they'll interrupt
To bring you news if it comes up
They say that if the place blows up
They'll be the first to tell
Because the boys they got downtown
Are workin' hard and doin' swell,
And if anybody gets the news
Before it hits the street,
They say that no one blabs it faster
Their coverage can't be beat
And if another woman driver
Gets machine-gunned from her seat
They'll send some joker with a brownie
And you'll see it all complete
So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Hey you know something people
I'm not black
But there's a whole lots a times
I wish I could say I'm not white
Well, I seen the fires burnin'
And the local people turnin'
On the merchants and the shops
Who used to sell their brooms and mops
And every other household item
Watched the mob just turn and bite 'em
And they say it served 'em right
Because a few of them are white,
And it's the same across the nation
Black & white discrimination
They're yellin' "You can't understand me!"
And all the other crap they hand me
In the papers and TV
'N all that mass stupidity
That seems to grow more every day
Each time you hear some nitwit say
He wants to go and do you in
Because the color of your skin
Just don't appeal to him
(No matter if it's black or white)
Because he's out for blood tonight
You know we gotta sit around at home
And watch this thing begin
But I bet there won't be many left
To see it really end
'Cause the fire in the street
Ain't like the fire in my heart
And in the eyes of all these people
Don't you know that this could start
On any street in any town
In any state if any clown
Decides that now's the time to fight
For some ideal he thinks is right
And if a million more agree
There ain't no great society
As it applies to you and me
Our country isn't free
And the law refuses to see
If all that you can ever be
Is just a lousy janitor
Unless your uncle owns a store
You know that five in every four
WON'T amount TO nothin' more
THAN watch the rats go across the floor
And make up songs about being poor
Blow your harmonica son!

Top Frank Zappa, Bongo Fury

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Out in Cucamonga
Many years ago
Near a Holy Roller Church
There was once a place
Where me and a couple of friends
Began practicing for the time
We might go On TV
And as fate would have it
Later on we got a chance to play.
All we ever really knew:
That it was crazy (Nanook, no-no)
To be doin' it any other way

Top Frank Zappa, You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Vol. 3

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
hana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
She live in a tree
(They call her Chana in de Bushwop)
Nine foot three
(They call her Chana in de Bushwop)
Larger than me
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
And she's a mystery
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
They call her Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Where she goes...
Nobody knows She eats a horse
(She's a Chana in de Bushwop)
It's very large of course
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She wears a dog
(Chaka Chana in de Bushwop)
And she loves that frog
(Chaka Chana in de Bushwop)
They call her Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Where she goes...
Nobody knows Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
In de Bushwop
Isn't that amazing???
She went to France
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
And she tried to dance
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She raised a big fuzz
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
In the back of the bus
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
Gonna go to it with a long loaf of bread
Made a big mistake when it turned and said:
"Chana in ze Bushwop
Hey! Nice volcano!
Chana in ze Bushwop
Ho ho ho!"
She banged his head
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
With a loaf of bread
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
She had this sucker weepin'
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
'Bout that sausage he's keepin'
(Like a Chana in de Bushwop)
He stood there weepin' on the crumb
She said: "Isn't that amazing???" Oh!
That's right! ... Isn't that amazing???
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
(It's on the house tonight!)
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana, Chana, Chana, Chana
In de Bushwop
Chana in de Bushwop
From de Bushwop
Chana from de Bushwop
From de Bushwop
Ooh!
Where'd she go?
Well, I don't know!
Idaho!
Ty-Ee-Ty-O!

Top Frank Zappa, Have I Offended Someone?

Top Frank Zappa, Beat the Boots: Anyway the Wind Blows - Frank In Paris

Top Frank Zappa, Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Drowning Witch

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Roy Estrada (vocals)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
In a clothing store
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a
Like, OH MY GOD! (Valley Girl)
Like - TOTALLY (Valley Girl)
Encino is like SO BITCHEN (Valley Girl)
There's like the Galleria (Valley Girl)
And like all these like really great shoe stores
I love going into like clothing stores and stuff
I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff
It's like so BITCHEN cuz like everybody's like
Super-super nice...
It's like so BITCHEN...
On Ventura, there she goes
She just bought some bitchen clothes
Tosses her head 'n flips her hair
She got a whole bunch of nothin' in there
Anyway, he goes are you into S and M?
I go, oh RIGHT...
Could you like just picture me in like a LEATHER TEDDY
Yeah right, HURT ME, HURT ME...
I'm sure! NO WAY!
He was like freaking me out...
He called me a BEASTIE...
That's cuz like he was totally BLITZED
He goes like BAG YOUR FACE!
I'm sure!
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
So sweet 'n pure
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a
It's really sad (Valley Girl)
Like my English teacher
He's like... (Valley Girl)
He's like Mr. BU-FU (Valley Girl)
We're talking Lord God King BU-FU (Valley Girl)
I am SO SURE
He's like so GROSS
He like sits there and like plays with all his rings
And he like flirts with all the guys in the class
It's like totally disgusting
I'm like so sure
It's like BARF ME OUT...
Gag me with a spoon!
Last idea to cross her mind
Had something to do with where to find
A pair of jeans to fit her butt
And where to get her toenails cut
So like I go into this like salon place, y'know
And I wanted like to get my toenails done
And the lady like goes, oh my God, your toenails
Are like so GRODY
It was like really embarrassing
She's like OH MY GOD, like BAG THOSE TOENAILS
I'm like sure...
She goes, uh, I don't know if I can handle this, y'know...
I was like really embarrassed...
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
And there is no cure
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
And there is no cure
Like my mother is like a total space cadet (Valley Girl)
She like makes me do the dishes and (Valley Girl)
CLEAN the cat box (Valley Girl)
I am sure
That's like GROSS (Valley Girl)
BARF OUT! (Valley Girl)
OH MY GOD (Valley Girl)
Hi!
Uh-huh... (Valley Girl)
My name?
My name is Ondrya Wolfson (Valley Girl)
Uh-huh
That's right, Ondrya (Valley Girl)
Uh-huh...
I know
It's like... (Valley Girl)
I do not talk funny...
I'm sure (Valley Girl)
Whatsa matter with the way I talk? (Valley Girl)
I am a VAL, I know (Valley Girl)
But I live like in a really good part of Encino so it's okay
(Valley Girl)
Uh-huh... (Valley Girl)
So like, I don't know (Valley Girl)
I'm like freaking out totally (Valley Girl)
Oh my God! (Valley Girl)
Hi - I have to go to the orthodontist (Valley Girl)
I'm getting my braces off, y'know (Valley Girl)
But I have to wear a retainer
That's going to be really like a total bummer
I'm freaking out
I'm SURE
It's like those things that like stick in your mouth
They're so gross...
You like get saliva all over them
But like, I don't know, it's going to be cool, y'know
So you can see my smile
It'll be like really cool
Except my like my teeth are like too small
But NO BIGGIE...
It's so AWESOME
It's like TUBULAR, y'know
Well, I'm not like really ugly or anything
It's just like
I don't know
You know me, I'm like into like the clean stuff
Like PAC-MAN and like, I don't know
Like my mother like makes me do the dishes
It's like so GROSS...
Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates
And it's like, it's like somebody else's food, y'know
It's like GRODY...
GRODY TO THE MAX
I'm sure
It's like really nauseating
Like BARF OUT
GAG ME WITH A SPOON
GROSS
I am SURE
TOTALLY...

Top Frank Zappa, You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Vol. 5

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Elliot Ingber (rhythm guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Ray Collins (tambourine)
The kids are freaking out
Everybody's goin' nuts
The heats out every night
To call up names and kick thier butts
But everytime you turn around
You'll see some joker staring back
He's got a secret tape recorder
And a camera in a sack
Pretending that he's just another
Of the kiddies freaking out
But they pay him off in acid
Cos he's a downtown talent scout
He's got your name
And he's got your face
He's got your ex-old lady's place
He's here to see whats goin down
And they don't believe the things he's found
The badges gleam and the minors scream
When he pulls on the scene
They got no warrants in their pockets
But that badge makes them supreme
You kids are smoking dandelions
You're sniffing paper bags baby
You're dropping Good N' Plenties
We can tell your posture sags
Now line up here against the wall
Your bodies frail and thin
And open up your pockets
While we dump the evidence in
Well they know that smoking flowers
Won't win a case in court
and they know that Good N' Plenties
Aren't the psychedelic sort
But they tear your place apart
Because they simply couldn't pass
A chance to drag some freaks downtown
For smoking devil grass
Well you never get your day in court
The food downtown is foul
The day of trial you nearly die
With maggots in your bowel
But modern law and justice
Has advanced to such a point
That a jury trial is useless
They simply take you to the joint
Cause after all you look so freaky
How could anyone believe
That what you think and what you feel
Comes close at all to what is real
Blow your harmonica son

Top Frank Zappa, Joe's Garage: Acts I, II & III

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe and his date are going back to the apartment to have a little party...
Joe:
Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,
I beg
Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,
Little wires,
pliers, tires
They turn me on
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy,
mon...
Stroking several of SY's gleaming appendages, JOE continues...
Gee, Sy
This is a real groovy
apartment
You've got here
Sy Borg:
All government
sponsored recreational
services are clean and
efficient
Joe:
This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated
machine
That looks like a
magical pig
With marital aids
stuck all over it
Such as yourself
before
Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It's a way of life.
Joe:
Does that mean
maybe later
You'll plook me...
Sy Borg:
If you wish, we may
have a groovy orgy
Joe:
Just me and you?
Sy Borg:
I share this apartment
With a modified
Gay Bob doll
He goes all the way...
Ever try oral sex with
a miniature rubberized
homo-replica?
Joe:
No, ah, not yet,
Ah, is this him?
Sy Borg:
This is him.
Your wish is
his command
He likes you
He wants to kiss
you always
Just tell him what
you want
Joe:
Really?
Hi, little guy
Think I might get a
tiny, but exciting
Blow...job...
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job...
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob.
Sy Borg:
Bend over.
Joe:
Gay Bob
Blow job
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob
Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It looks just like a
TeleFunken U-47.
Joe:
Little leather cap
and trousers
They look so gay..
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Hey...
Sy Borg:
Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss
you always.
Joe:
Gee, this is great
How's about some
bondage and
humiliation
Sy Borg:
Anything you say,
master.
Joe:
Oh no, I don't believe
it
You're way more fun
than Mary...
Sy Borg:
You're plooking
too hard...
Joe:
And cleaner than
Lucille...
Sy Borg:
Plooking on me...
Joe:
What have I
been missing
All these years?
Sy Borg:
Too hard
Joe:
Sy...
Sy Borg:
Too hard
Joe:
Sy...
Sy Borg:
Plooking too hard
on me-e-e-e-e...
Joe:
Speak to me
Oh no...
The golden shower
must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have
plooked him...
Hey
To death...
Hey
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan- Sexual Roto-Plooker And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't got a chance.
Joe:
But I...
I, I, I, I, I...
I can't pay
I gave all my money
To some kinda groovy
religious guy...
Two songs ago...
Central Scrutinizer:
Come on out son...
Between the two of us
We'll find a way to
Work it out

Top Frank Zappa, Nig Biz

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
I signed on the line
For seven long years
They said I'd be a big star
They said I'd get a big car
All the coke I could tube
All the dope I could shoot
All the smoke I could smoke
But now I'm bein' off 'n broke
They said I oughta re-record
The tracks of my tears
They said: "Hey! This is it!
It's gonna be a big hit"
With my name up in lights
And some custom-made tights
All the girls call my name
(Massimo!)
But it was all just a game
Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Well, Nigger Biznis all the time
Well, Nigger Biznis has brought disaster
On top of this here heart of mine
(Well, now's the time to play the blues!)
Well, one day that contract will expire
One day I will be free
From that Nig-ger, Nig-gig-gig-ger, Nigger Biznis
All this Nigger Biznis
All this repressing me Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Oh, Nigger Biznis all the time, all along
Well, Nigger Biznis has brought destruction

Top Frank Zappa, I'm Stealing The Towels

Top Frank Zappa, Janet's Big Dance Number

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
The clock upon the wall
has struck the midnight hour.
She finishes her call.
Her girlfriend's in the shower.

Top Frank Zappa, Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Pon

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Female Soprano:
Broth reminds me of nuns.
Chorus:
( Nuns... Nuns...)
Female Soprano:
I see them smashing with rulers
disciplining munchkin cretins.
Tortured munchkins, tortured munchkins
I wish irish catholic victims.
Little green scratchy sweaters,
little green scratchy ones
and courderoy ponce.
Courderoy ponce
and green scratchy munchkin.
I wish irish catholic victims.
Munchkins get me hot.
Munchkins get me get me hot.
Hot! Gets her real hot.

Top Frank Zappa, Lonesome Cowboy Burt

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black:
My name is Burtram, I am a redneck.
All my friends, they call me Burt.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Hi, Burt!
Jimmy Carl Black:
All my family from down in Texas
make their livin' diggin' dirt.
Come out here to Californy
just to find me some pretty girls.
Ones I seen gets me so horny
ruby lips,
n'teeth like pearls.
Wanna love 'em all.
Wanna love 'em dearly.
Wann pretty girl,
I'll even pay ...
I'll buy 'em furs. I'll buy 'em jewelry ...
I know they like me. Here's what I'll say.
I'm lonesome cowboy Burt.
( Speakin' atcha!)
Come smell my fringe-y shirt.
( Reekin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
my cowboy dance,
my bold advance.
On this here waitress ...
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
He's lonesome cowboy Burt.
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt.
Jimmy Carl Black:
Come on in this place
an' I'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Burtram, Burtram redneck.
Burtram, Burtram redneck.
Jimmy Carl Black:
I'm an awful nice guy.
Sweat all day in the sun.
I'm a roofer by trade,
quite a bundle I've made
I'm unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
He's a unionized roofin' old
son-of-a-gun.
Jimmy Carl Black:
When I get off, I get plastered.
I drink till I fall on the floor.
Find me some Communist bastard
n' stomp on his face till he don't
move no more.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
He stomps on his face till he don't
move no more.
Jimmy Carl Black:
I fuss an' I cuss and I keep on drinkin'
till my eyes puff up an' turn red.
I drool on m'shirt.
I see if he's hurt.
Then I kick him again in the head, let's
Everybody:
Kick him again in the head! Boys!
Kick him again in the head! Now!
Kick him again in the head!
Jimmy Carl Black:
I'm lonesome cowboy Burt.
( Speakin' atcha!)
Come smell my fringe-y shirt.
( Reekin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
my cowboy dance,
my bold advance.
On this here waitress ...
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
He's lonesome cowboy Burt.
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt.
Jimmy Carl Black:
Come on in this place
an' I'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?

Top Frank Zappa, Mystery Roach

Ow! Look out!
Ow! Look out!
Ow! Look out!
How long?
How long?
Till that mystery roach be arrivin' soon
Ya-ooo
Ya-ooo
Ya-ooo
Ya-ooo
That mystery roach be approachin'
That mystery roach be approachin' me
La La La La La La La, Oof!
How long?
How long?
Till that mystery roach been gone
Ya-ooo-ooo-oo-ooo
Ya-ooo-ooo-oo-ooo
That mystery roach be approachin'
That mystery roach be approachin' me
La La La La La La La, Oof!
That mystery roach be approachin'
That mystery roach be approachin' me
La La La La La La La, Oof!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Mystery mystery mystery mystery
mystery mystery mystery roach!
Ah! Hold it!
Wait a minute!
Stop that music!
Please . . .
Hold it!
Wait a minute!
Ah . . .
What are we SINGING about?
A mystery roach?

Top Frank Zappa, Penis Dimension

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman:
Penis dimension.
Howard Kaylan:
Penis dimension.
Everybody:
Penis dimension is worrying me.
I can't hardly sleep at night
'Cause of penis dimension
Do you worry?
Do you worry a lot?
Do you worry?
Do you worry and moan ...
That the size of your cock is not monstrous enough?
It's your penis dimension!
Penis dimension!
Howard Kaylan:
Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
Mark Volman:
Hiya friends. Now just be honest about it. Did you ever consider the possibliity that your penis, and in the case of many dignified ladies, that the size of the titties themselves might provide elements of subconscious tension? Weird, twisted anxieties that could force a human being to have to become a politician. A policeman. A jesuit monk. A rock and roll guitar player. A wino. You name it. Or in the case of the ladies, the ones that can't afford a silicone beef-up, may become writers of hot books.
Howard Kaylan:
"Manuel, the gardener, placed his burning phallus in her quivering quim."
Mark Volman:
Yes, or they become Carmelite nuns.
Howard Kaylan:
"Gonzo, the lead guitar player, placed his mutated member in her slithering slit." Ha ha ha!
Mark Volman:
Ooh, or racehorse jockeys. There is no reason why you, or your loved one should suffer. Things are bad enough, without the size of your organ adding even more misery to the troubles of the world.
Howard Kaylan:
Right on, right on!
Mark Volman:
Now, if your a lady and you've got munchkin tits, you can console yourself with this age-old line from primary school:
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Anything over a mouthful, is wasted.
Mark Volman:
Yes! and isn't it the truth? And if you're a guy, one night you're at a party and you're trying to be cool, I mean, you aren't even wearing any underwear your being so cool, and somebody hits on you one night, and looks you up and down and he says uh,
Howard Kaylan:
Eight inches or less?
Mark Volman:

Top Frank Zappa, Redneck Eats

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black:
Hey, who are these dudes? Are you a boy, or a girl?
Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
What the fuck was that?
I wonder if that son of a bitch can play something I might even like.

Top Frank Zappa, Once Again, Without The Net

[Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, Portland, Oregon
December 20, 1984
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Bobby Martin keyboards
Alan Zavod keyboards
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]

Top Frank Zappa, She Painted Up Her Face

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
She painted up her face.
She sat before the mirror.
She painted up her face.
She drew the mirror nearer.
Practisissing, Practiss, Practising!
The STARE
The STARE
The secret stare she would use
if a worthy-looking victim should appear.
Practisissing, Practiss, Practising!
( Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-wah-hoo-wahhhh )

Top Frank Zappa, Shove It Right In

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman Howard Kaylan:
She chooses all the clothes
she'll wear tonight to dance in.
(She dances, she prances, she dances, she prances)
The places that she goes
are filled with guys from groups,
yeah-yeah-yeah
Waiting for a chance to break her pants in.
Provocative squats!
Gum me on m'lunga
Provocative squats!
Gum me on m'lunga
Provocative squats!
Gum me on m'lunga
Provocative squats!
Gum me on m'lunga
Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
Wah wah wah wah wah wah
Well at least there's sort of a choice there.
(Twenty or thirty at times there have been )
Somewhat desirable boys there.
Dressed really spiffy with long hair.
Waiting for girls they can shove it right in.
Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah
Wah wah wah wah wah wah
Well at least there's sort of a choice there.
(Twenty or thirty at times there have been )
Somewhat desirable boys there.
Dressed really spiffy with long hair.
Waiting for girls they can shove it right in.

Top Frank Zappa, Oh umm

Louis, Roy & Motorhead dicover each other
Gilly: Ohh, Umm. Hmm.
Girl1: Thats how long I´ve been here. I´ve been here ever since, ever since it got dark I´ve been here.
Louis: How did you get in my home? This is my piano. Howdid you get in here ?
Motorhead: I thought it was my piano.
Louis: It´s mine.
Roy: Since when ?
Louis: Since about 10 years ago its mine.
Roy: You sure ?
Louis: Yes positivly.
Roy: No, it was mine.
Louis: This is a smal Place, you must be blind you know.
Motorhead: Where were you at ?
Roy: Could have been one nine ... No, it couldn´t have been one-nine-oh...
Louis: It couldn´t have been any more...How about try, just try `G`...
Roy: How did you happen to get in here ?
Louis: My mother said to me "You´re a bad boy, Louis the Turkey. You´d better, you´d you you you´d better go on È`and you´ll never see the world... you´re a bad boy `cause you went to the bathroom on the floor`you know ?
Motorhead: Did they make you clean it up ?
Louis: No they made me eat it.

Top Frank Zappa, Porn Wars

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ed Mann (percussion)
The reason for this hearing
is not to promote any legislation,
(indeed, I don't know of any suggestion
that any legislation 'd be passed),
but to simply provide a form
for airing the issue itself,
for ventilating the issue,
for bringing it out in the public domain.
Senator Hollings?
I've had the opportunity to ah,
attend a, a showing you might say,
a presentation of ah,
this Porn Rock as they call it.
In the tested pornography,
one of the things to look at
is that it does not have any redeeming social value.
Ah, there could be an exception here
because I haven't attended that presentation.
A redeeming social value,
I find that it's inaudible.
I have a hard time understanding it.
And, Paul, since I travelled the country for three years
and they said they couldn't understand me,
maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know.
But in all candour I would tell you it's,
it's outrageous filth.
So I'll be looking from this senator's standpoint
not just to bring pression,
but to try to see if there is some constitutional provision
to tax, or procedure can be used on the Congress
to limit this outrageous filth.
Senator Trible?
Rape, incest, it's outrageous filth...
Sexual violence
Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may
not be cataclysmic
It's outrageous filth!
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
It's outrageous filth!
Objectionable...
Tools and presentations in some twisted minds...
...effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be
cataclysmic...
...Porn Rock...
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
This must be the end of the world!
All the people turning into pigs and ponies
I can't let it happen to me!
What is the reason for these hearings...
Sex!
Well...
Sex!
Thank you, I think that statement...
Sex!
...tells the story of these many...
Listen you little slut...
What is the reason for these hearings...
Sex!
Bondage!
Listen you little slut!
Listen you little slut!
Mixture of drugs...
Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!...
I might be interested to see what toys your kids ever had
Why would you be interested?
Just as a point of interest in this ah...
Well, come on over to the house and I'll show them to you.
Really!
I, I might do that!
Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may
not be cataclysmic
It's outrageous filth!
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
It's outrageous filth!
Objectionable...
Tools and presentations in some twisted minds...
...effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be
cataclysmic...
...Porn Rock...
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
Thank you very much, Mr. Zappa.
You understand that ah,
the previous witnesses were not asking for legislation
and ah, I don't know,
I can't speak for senator Hollings,
but I think that the prevailing view here is
that nobody's asking for legislation.
The question is just focusing
on what a lot of people could feel that could be a problem.
And you've indicated that you at least understand
that there is another point of view.
Really nearly over the year...
Senator Gore?
Thank you very much, ah, mister chairman.
I found your statement very interesting and,
ah let me say although I disagree with
some of the statements that you make,
and have made on other occasions
- I have been a fan of your music, believe it or not -
and I, I ah respect you as a true original and,
and ah tremendously talented musician.
Wait a minute!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know
Comics, comics, comics daddy!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know
Comics, comics daddy!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know
Comics, comics, comics daddy!
They don't even understand their music...
of course nobody does, but ah...
They don't, they don't even know what they're doing
I've, I've seen 'em a couple of times...
Did you, did you see their uniforms?
Unbelievable!
Which ones? They're the red ones?
All those rhinestones of their rings and things like that
Do you know what I...
Golden May hoof-covers
Unbelievable!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star!
Gonna drive my love inside you!
etc...
It's outrageous filth!
Comics daddy!
etc...
Rock, rock, Porn Rock!
etc...
And I think your suggestion is a good one
if you pledge those words.
That would go a long way for...
All we have to do is find out how it's gonna be paid for...
Pyromania!
No question!
Burn the building!
Burn! Burn! Burn!
Yeah!
If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it I would!
This issue is too hot...
So I'll be looking from this senator's standpoint
not just to bring pression,
but to try to see if there is some constitutional provision
to tax, or procedure can be used on the Congress
to limit this outrageous filth.
Yeah!
We'll get back to de whimp
and his low-budget conceptium of personal freedom
in just a moment.
But foist, welcome to:
What de fuck gwine on here?
A celebratium o' de American way o' life!
I see some y'all be FROWNIN'...
'cause mebbe y'think what I's tellin' ya' is a LIE!
Am I right?
Les' jes' have a test...
How many o' you nice folks think I knows what I's talkin'
'bout?
RAISE Y'HAIN UP!
Uh-huh!
An' how many thinks my potato been bakin' too long?
RAISE YO MIZZABLE HAIN UP!
Uh-huh!
Now...how many you folks is CONVINCED
de gubnint be totally 'UNCONCERNED'
wit de proliferatium o' UNDESIRABLE TENANTS
in de CONDOMINIUM o' LIFE?
An' how many folks believe THEY number won't come up,
next time de breeze blow fum de Easterly directium?
Les' face it, peoples!
Ugly as I mights be,
I AM YO' FUTCHUM!
Ain't that right, SISTER OB'DEWLLA?
Hmm hmm! Oh, oh yeah! Thass right!
Senator Gorton?
Mr. Zappa, I ah, am astounded at the ah,
courtesy and soft-voiced ah,
nature of the comments of my friend
the senator from Tennessee.
I can only say that I find your statement
to be boorish, ah, incredibly and ah,
insensitively insulting the people who were here previously.
That you could manage
to get the first amendment
of the Constitution of the United States
a bad name - if I doubt that you have the slightest
understanding of it - which I do not,
and have the slightest understanding of the difference between
government action and private action.
And ah, you have certainly destroyed any case
you might otherwise have had with this senator.
Thank you Mr. Chairman.
Is this private action?
I don't think this is constitutional...
The voluntary labelling is NOT censorship...
Bend up and smell my anal vapor!
The voluntary...voluntary...voluntary...
...is not censorship...
De-de-de-de-degradation...humiliation...
Is this private action?
In chains...
Listen you little slut...
There-there-there...
There's no absolute rock...
There's no absolute rock...
Well... ... Bend up and smell my anal vapor!
There-there-there...
There's no... There's no...
Mr. Zappa, thank you very much for your testimony.
Thank you.

Top Frank Zappa, Satumaa (Finnish Tango)

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
We have now a special request
Bouilliabai, bouilliabai, bouilliabai...
Stroganoff, bouilliabai
Here we go...
No, you'd better leave the lights on, on stage
'Cause we have to read this music,
We've never played it before
Aavan meren tuolla puolen jossakin on maa,
missä onnen kaukorantaan laine liplattaa.
Missä kukat kauneimmat luo aina loistettaan,
siellä huolet huomisen voi jäädä unholaan.
Oi jospa kerran sinne satumaahan käydä vois,
niin sieltä koskaan lähtisi en linnun lailla pois.
Vaan siivetönnä en voi lentää vanki olen maan,
vain aatoksin mi kauas entää sinne käydä saan.
Lennä laulu sinne missä siintää satumaa,
sinne missä oma armain mua odottaa.
Lennä laulu sinne lailla linnun liitävän.
Kerro että aatoksissain on vain yksin hän.
Oi jospa kerran...
Translation of the first two finnish verses:
There's a land beyond the vast sea
where waves wash on the shores of happiness
where beautiful flowers always blossom
where worries of tomorrow can be forgotten
Oh if once I could go to that fairytale land
never would I leave from there like a bird
but without wings I cannot fly, I'm a prisoner of ground

Top Frank Zappa, I Don't Even Care

Top Frank Zappa, You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
You're probably wondering
Why I'm here
And so am I
So am I
Just as much as you wonder
'Bout me bein' in this place
Yeah!
That's just how much I marvel
At the lameness on your face
You rise each day the same old way
And join your friends out on the street
Spray your hair
And think you're neat
I think your life is incomplete
But maybe that's not for me to say
They only pay me here to play
I wanna hear Caravan with a drum solo
You're probably wondering
Why I'm here
And so am I
So am I
Just as much as you wonder
'Bout me starin' back at you
Yeah!
That's just how much I question
The corny things you do
You paint your face and then you chase
To meet the gang where the action is
Stomp all night
And drink your fizz
Roll your car and say "Gee whiz!"
You tore a big hole in your convertible top
What will you tell your Mom and Pop?
Mam, I tore a big hole in the convertible
You're probably wondering
Why I'm here
And so am I
So am I
Just as much as you wonder
If I mean just what I say
Yeah!
That's just how much I question
The social games you play
You told your Mom you're stoked on Tom
And went for a cruise in Freddie's car
Tommy's asking
Where you are
You boogied all night in a cheesy bar
Plastic boots and plastic hat
And you think you know where it's at?
Yeah!
You're probably wondering
Why I'm here

Top Frank Zappa, Why Not?

John: Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right?
Spider: Yeah, when it starts growing
John: Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones
Monica: What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ?
Spider: Ah, no, no

Top Frank Zappa, NAKED CITY

[Jurgen Ruck classical guitar]

Top Frank Zappa, Who Are The Brain Police?

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Aahh ah ahahahaaa, aahh ah ahahahaaa
What will you do if we let you go home,
And the plastic's all melted,
And so is the chrome?
WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE?
Aahh ah ahahahaaa, aahh ah ahahahaaa
What will you do when the label comes off,
And the plastic's all melted,
And the chrome is too soft?
Aaahhh!
Think I'm very tired and I'm going to die
I think I'm going to die, I think I'm going to die
WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE?
Aahh ah ahahahaaa, aahh ah ahahahaaa
What will you do if the people you knew
Were the plastic that melted,
And the chromium too?

Top Frank Zappa, Mudd Club (in album Thing-Fish)

Top Frank Zappa, The Groupie Routine

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
I mean, really, really, I mean, you guys,
What can I say, you guys are my favorite band
You gotta tell me somethin',
Are you here in Hollywood long?
I mean, I just...
No, I'm ah, we're recording here in town
You're recording here?
Yeah, at the Record Plant
The Record Plant?
Yeah
Oh, Bobby Sherman records here
I just love Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy
Do you know David Cassidy?
No, I...
Have you ever run into any members of the Tree Dog Night?
Joe Shermy once I...
Oh! They are my favorite band!
They're so professional, I mean...
So creative...
How 'bout David Crosby? I mean...
He's so in, you know, I...
No, I never...
He's...he just knows...
I mean, he almost cut his hair but he didn't
No, listen, ah, do you know how...
Do you know how to get to the Chateau Mormon from here?
Not exactly...is it by the, by the airport?
No no, we don't, we have a bus on this particular thing
Yeah
Tell me one thing: do you like my new car?
Oh yeah! It's a...Pavilion, isn't it?
Oh, not just a Pavilion, it's a Pauley Pavilion
Yeah, it's real futuristic,
I like the little naked man turn signals
So ah, we gotta get up, you know,
And ah, go to the studio in the morning
And then we groove court for about two weeks
And then we ah, we leave again
Oh, really?
Where do you play when you go from here?
Ah, let me see...Needles...
Oh oh! You guys are so professional
No, it's nothing...
I mean the way you get to travel to all those exotic towns
You get to playin' and playin' in all these great sounding
halls
Tell me somethin': do you really have a hitsingle in the
charts now?
Right now, I mean, with a bullet?
That's really important
Listen baby, would I lie to you
Just to run my fingers through your pukes?
Don't talk to me that way!
I am not a groupie!
I never said that...
I'm not a groupie
Neither are my friends here
Jim and Ian and Aynsley and Don and Frank
None of us are groupies
Pleased to meet all you girls
Hiya Howie...
Tell 'em, tell 'em, we don't...we aren't groupies
Howard
Yeah
We only like musicians for friends
That's right
You, you know, you understand?
We still wanna hear your record
You know, we still like to come in your bus
Listen now, on the other side of the record,
Didn't you say that you got off bein' juked
With a baby octopus and spewed upon with cream corn?
And that your hair-lipped queen-o-bassplayin' girlfriend
With the cross ties and the tits on her shirt
Had to have it with a hot Seven-Up bottle or you went up the
wall?
Oh! Howie...
What's the deal, mama?
Howie, all that's true, Howie
And sometimes I even dig it with a Jack-In-The-Box ring job
But Howie, we are NOT, we are NOT groupies, Howie
I told Robert Plant that
I told Elton John
I told Steve Stills
Yeah
And he didn't even wanna ball me
I can see that...
Listen, the thing is baby, I want some action, you know
I'm only here for a couple of weeks,
Recording at the Record Plant
With that naked statue in the bathroom and stuff...
I'm horny as fuck!
Listen to me...
I want a steaming, succulent, juicy, drippy, ever-widening
Kind of a smelly, slimy, many folded,
Sort of in-and-out contracting sphincter
Kind of a hole with a, with a, with a...
Let's see, there's gotta be a way I can put this discreetly
Let's say we hop in the isle over those guys
And the blewin' FUCK BABY!
Hey, hey, hey!
I'm in this band man...
I told you that many times
No matter what goes on
Listen! It just so happens tonight
I mean, this is unbelievable
Are you a Virgo
No...
I mean, it just so happens tonight
Me and my girlfriends, well,
We came here lookin' for a guy from a group
But just not ANY guy from ANY group
Yeah...
We're lookin' for a guy from a group with a DIK
Well, I can show you!
But he's gotta have a dik which is a monster!
(Wow!)
That's me!
You peeked!
That's me, you little Westward wench nipple-queen!
Take me, I'm yours, you hole.
Fulfil my wildest dreams!
Oh! Anything for you my most seductive pop star of a man.
Yeah?
Picture this if you can
Okay, I'll try...
Bead jobs
Knotted nylons
Bamboo canes
Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Fighting at the Fillmore East.
Two unreleased recordings of...of the Grateful Dead,
Sitting in with Mel Torme
Yeah!
No! I...
Oh! Man! Oh, I, I just...
I can't stand it!
Do you understand me baby?
I mean, I can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
I gotta see my baby!
I gotta...

Top Frank Zappa, America Drinks & Goes Home

(Here's a special request)
(Hope you enjoy it)
I tired to find How my heart could be so blind,
Dear
How could I be fooled just like the rest
You came on strong with your
Fast car and your class ring
Sad eyes and your ... ...
I fell for the whole thing
I don't regret for having met
Up with a girl who Breaks hearts
Like they were nothing at all
I've done it too
Now I know just what it feels like
And just like I said I have no regrets
(assorted improvs...and voice-overs)

Top Frank Zappa, America Drinks

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
(One, Two, Buckle my Shoe)
(Do-dos, and yips yips, assorted improv)
I tired to find How my heart could be so blind,
(Wanna buy some Penzo?)
Dear
How could I be fooled just like the rest
You came on strong with your
Fast car and your class ring
Sad eyes and your ... ...
I fell for the whole thing
I don't regret for having met
Up with a girl who Breaks hearts
Like they were nothing at all (Here's one for mother)
I've done it too

Top Frank Zappa, Any Way The Wind Blows (In Album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets)

Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Anyway the wind blows is fine with me
Anyway the wind blows, it don't matter to me
'Cause I'm thru with the fussin' and fightin' with you
I went out and found a woman who is gonna be true
She makes me oh so happy now, I'm never ever blue
Anyway the wind blows is fine with me
Anyway the wind blows it don't matter to me
'Cause she treats me like she loves me
And she never makes me cry
I'm gonna stick with her till the day I die
She's not like your baby, she would never ever lie
Anyway the wind blows, is fine with me
Anyway the wind blows, it don't matter to me
Now I'm going to go away and leave you standin' at the door
I'll tell you this baby, I won't be back any more
'Cause you don't even know what love is for
Anyway the wind blows, anyway the wind blows
Anyway the wind blows, anyway the wind blows

Top Frank Zappa, Amnesia Vivace

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
(Since it basically is an Instrumental, and did not appear in the Libretto, this section is lifted from the album, it ain't easy either)
La-la-la-la
Oooo...
ah-ah-ah
(My darling
You mean so very much to me
And I feel so deeply...
ah-ah-ah...
Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Prunes
I'll never forget you darling
I'll never forget your ballads
I'll never forget your rat race. In fact I might...
Oh, I suppose I'll forget you eventually
What is your name?

Top Frank Zappa, At The Gas Station

Motorhead: I worked in a cheesy newspaper company for a while but that was terrible, I wasn't making enough money to build anything
(LOUIE LOUIE)
Motorhead: And then I worked in a printing company and a coupla gas stations. Oh, at the gas station where I was working my brother just got married, and uh . . . he bought a new car and his wife was having a kid and all this miserable stuff, and he needed a job so I gave him a job at the gas station of which I was fired because, you know, he was gonna work there. And he had his car on the rack and he was lubing and changing tires and everything all the time. And so they got fired because he was goofing off, man, and he just kept taking parts and working on his car day and night. And so he lost that job and he went to work in another gas station. He took that one, you know, so he could feed the kids and that. And I went to work in an aircraft company, and uh . . . I was building these planes. I worked on the XB-70, I was the last welder on there. Yeah but, it was pretty good bread because I was making, uh . . . $2.71 an hour. I was making a hundred and a quarter a week, and uh . . . yeah, it was good enough money to be working on, so I got an Oldsmobile, a groovy Olds. But I was going with this chick at that time. By the time I got the Olds running decently, she went out and tore up the engine, and the trans, and a-her and a girlfriend they get in there and booze it up and tear up the seats. Just ripped the seats completely out. So uh . . . when, I got a '56 Olds, which was this one chick's I was going with, and uh . . . we used to drive out all over the place and finally she got rid of that, and uh . . . I got another pickup!

Top Frank Zappa, Are You Hung Up?

Top Frank Zappa, Babette

Top Frank Zappa, Attack! Attack! Attack!

Louis: RAAAH! ATTACK! ATTACK! Attack and get on ee, eee, each pony or . . . boogey man or something
Roy: Sure, aren't you glad I'm not too hairy . . .
Louis: Yeah . . .
Roy: . . . Too hairy! . . . heh, heh
Louis: . . . That beats . . . yes . . . (Louie laughs like a turkey)
Roy: . . . That's why they have a lot of crabs . . .
Louis: . . . Yes, and um . . .
Roy: . . . A set of crabs?!
Louis: Crabs are really dangerous, and they r-r-rich as fires and every once in a while you walk in the streets and when I . . . when I heard of these from, from talk from my, from my home here, my piano!
Gilly: Huh, my piano . . . It's still dark in here . . . It's the same as it ever was . . . I'm here . . . (sigh) I'm not the same as I ever was
Gilly: Either you're here and I'm here or I'm very different . . .
Girl #2: . . . Than?
Gilly: (Sigh)
Girl #1: Now, wait a minute. I . . . those are my bass strings . . . and . . . uh . . . I . . . I get the bass strings. If there are going to be three of us here, I want the bass strings. That's all there is . . .
Gilly: (Interrupting) Who are you?
Girl #1: I live here!
Girl #2: I live here!
Gilly: Who are you?!
Girl #2: I live here
Girl #1: I live here!
Gilly: (Sighs) That's my name too
(All girls sigh)
Gilly: Were you ever not living here?
Girl #1: I don't think so
Girl #2: Nah, I was in a drum

Top Frank Zappa, Be bop Tango

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Tom fowler (bass)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Jeff simmons (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Don preston (synthesizer)
Bruce fowler (trombone)
Walt fowler (trumpet)
Napoleon murphy brock (tenor saxophone, flute, lead vocals)
Ralph humphrey (drums)
Chester thompson (drums)
Debbie (background vocals)
Lynn (background vocals)
Robert camarena (background vocals)
Some of you may know that the tango, which is not a very popular dance anymore, was at one time reputed to be a dance of unbridled passion. back in the old days when it wasn’t so easy to get you
Ks off, when it was hard to make contact with a member of the opposite camp and you had to resort to things like dancing close together and going hey...
Those were the days. well those days are probably gone forever, I don’t know, unless nixon is going to bring them back a little bit later. but we have this very special highly evolved permutated
O. it’s actually a perverted tango. by the time... yes, it’s so perverted! this is the be-bop tango, a special entertainment event that includes choreography a little bit later, so watch out fol
You can turn on the big lights, we may need ’em. you know, the ones in the audience. heh heh. okay, ’re you ready? not too fast now ’cause I wanna get the right notes on the tape ’n’ this, this
O be the one. this has to be the one with all the right notes on it. okay, ’re you ready? this is a hard one to play. one two three four...
The cowbell as a symbol of unbridled passion, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, as you might have noticed, bruce fowler has just completed some sort of trombone solo, based on the-ah, idea of an evolved tango-event. bruce has also prepared for you a demonstration of a
That he hopes will sweep the ocean right after the mud shark did. bruce is now warming up the important muscles of the body, in preparation...in preparation for the real live be-bop tango which
E gonna demonstrate. napoleon will assist him. napoleon just put your horn down, just relax, put your head back, here comes the drill. okay, heh heh heh, you know what I’m talkin’ about? okay.
This is sort of like jazz in it’s own peculiar way. jazz is not dead, it just smells funny! okay, let’s go! yeah man, jazz man, you know what I mean? this is be-bop, even though you think it doe
Sound like that. be-bop! now, as you might have noticed, some of you with a musical education can tell that the notes that george just sang when he went: "this is be-bop, even though you th
T doesn’t sound like that", is actually a sort of a twisted form of the theme of the tango itself which will get even more depraved as the number goes on. george will now attempt to dismemb
At melody, play it and sing it at the same time while... tu-dup. hey, that’s the way! while we sort of dance to it. okay, try it george. tu-dup, tu-dee... oh yeah! as I was saying. now, what we’
E to do at this point is get some volunteers from the audience to... I know you will, oh God you will... we need some...heh heh heh... now, as a matter of fact you did, didn’t you... no, we wann
E some people who’ve never tried it bef
Ore, who’ve never even thought of trying it before. a boy, a girl, preferably who like each other, who would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what george sings. do we have anybody wh
..you’re one.
Okay, what’s your name?
Carl.
Your name is carl? please carl step on to the stage. pleased to meet you carl. alright. okay? let’s see-ah, is there anybody in the, in the back? where...oh-oh, hey! what’s your name?
Rick.
Rick, and?
Jane.
Rick and jane and carl! alright, here’s how it works: there’s a beat going on like this; that’s a pedestrian beat. you don’t dance to that beat, you dance to what george sings, okay? the little
Okay? the little quick ones, okay? ready? george, make them dance!
Dup. no no rick, you’re too reserved. ready? give it to ’em george! tu-dup, tu-dup pu-dee-da... no no, come on now, loosen up. listen, encourage them! when it... ah! okay! alright, one more time
Tu-dup, du-dee-da... let’s study this phenomenon. tu-duppy-dup-pu-dee-da... now look, rick and jane and carl, you’re, you’re wonderful but you’re just too reserved. I still can... I know you wil
Ybe in a minute. okay, I’ll t-tell you what: go back to your seats and we’ll bring up the next batch. okay? carl, rick and jane! alright, you wanna try...?
Anything you say frank!
Oh my god! alright, you’re name is lana, right? lana dance!
Du-dup-dee-dup... now that’s more like it. du-dup-dee-dup... lana, you’re so good we have to bring up some other people to assist you. brenda, imported from edward’s air force base, where she...
Es and gentlemen, brenda... brenda is a professional harlot and she just got finished stripping for a bunch of guys at edward’s air force base, and she made it down here in time for the show. tw
Rs of taking it off for the boys in the car, really good. okay. heh. brenda, brenda has a lovely assistant named carl, or robert james davis if you prefer. herb cohen, ladies and gentlemen! okay
Du-du-dip... you’re still too adagio, I keep telling you! du-dup-du-dee-da... turn on the bubble machine! dup-dee-da, dup-dee-da... god, is that a cheap bubble-machine! bow, du-du-du-du-du-da...
Es and gentlemen: don’s ex-wife! ladies and gentlemen, you’re probably sitting in your chairs, saying to yourselves: I could do that. and of course you can! and now is your big chance! all you h
O do, the first step is easy, all you gotta do is stand up. go ahead, just stand up. there you go, you are standing up. yes, some of you are not standing up but you won’t have as much fun as the
Who are standing up. okay, turn on the big lights so everybody can see what’s going on. yes, very many of you are standing up. okay, link your mind with the mind of george duke! and when...
Du-dup... that’s it! when he plays those funny fast little notes, twitch around and have a good time with the be-bop tango, let’s try it! anything you wanna do is alright. you gotta do anything
Anna do, it’s alright. yes you got to know you came to the right place, tonight. (give me some of that wine now). as you might have guessed, ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of our concert.
Ike to thank you ver... wanna thank you very much for coming. hope you had a good time. bruce fowler on trombone, napoleon murphy brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, ruth underwood on percussion
Ph humphrey on drums, chester thompson on drums, tom fowler on bass and george duke on the keyboards. thank you very much. alright, alright...

Top Frank Zappa, Bad Acting

Mark: Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock'n'roll industry
Martin: Rock'n'roll! What d'ya mean rock'n'roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock'n'roll, it's all that comedy crap

Top Frank Zappa, Once Upon A Time

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Bolman
Oh, thank you Frank
And don't misspell it,
That's not Marc Bolan
that's Mark Volman
Hiya friends
I wanna welcome each and everyone of you
I wanna say to you tonight
I feel great
I mean, I feel great
everywhere I go people are always comin' up to me
and they say Mark, Mark, Mark
Mark are you kiddin'
Lemme tell you this friends:
I am not kiddin'
I mean, I am portly and I am maroon
well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am?
Aaaah
I can't guess what you are
Well, then I'll give you some clues
And the first clue is
I am portly
Does that help?
Not much
No, I don't know who you are
Okay, I got one
Clue number two:
I am double knit
Does that help?
No, not much
Whaddya mean?
Well, then I've to give you one more clue
I know this is gonna give it away
And I hate like damn to tell you this
But clue number three:
Ich bin Maroon!
Ahhhhhhhh you're a sofa!
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Volman ...
Thank you, Frank
... trying to convince each and every member
of this extremely hip audience here tonight,
that he was nothing more, nothing less
than a fat maroon sofa,
Suspended in the midst of a great emptiness
a light shined down from heaven (* twinkling sounds *)
And there he was ladies and gentleman, the good lord
And he took, he took a look at the sofa,
And he said to himself
"Quite an attractive sofa"
"This sofa could be commercial"
With a few more Margaritas and the right company
However, I digress
"What this sofa needs" said the Big 'G'
"Is a bit of flooring underneath of it"
and so in order to make this construction project possible,
he summoned the assistance of the celestial corp of engineers,
and, by means of a cute little song in the German language
(which is the way he talks whenever it's heavy business)
the Good Lord went something like this:
(take it away Jim Pons!)
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
and of course ladies and gentlemen that means:
"give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa"
and sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness
as far as vision permits,
stretching all the way from Belfast to Bogner Regis
and the Lord put aside his huge cigar
and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa
the bulk of his message
with the assistance of a small electric clarinet
and it went something like this...
take it away Jim Pons!
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
And of course ladies and gentlemen, that means:
Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa

Top Frank Zappa, Peaches En Regalia

Jean-Luc Ponty - Violin, Keyboards
Paul Humphrey - Violin, Drums
Shuggie Otis - Bass, Guitar
Lowell George - Guitar
Captain Beefheart - Harmonica, Keyboards, Vocals
Max Bennett - Bass
Frank Zappa - Bass, Guitar, Percussion, Arranger, Composer, Keyboards,
Vocals, Producer, Octave Bass
John Guerin - Drums
Don Sugarcane Harris - Violin, Vocals
Jack Hunt - Engineer
Brian Ingoldsby - Engineer
Dick Kunc - Engineer, Director of Engineering
Cal Schenkel - Design, Cover Design
Ron Selico - Drums
Ian Underwood - Organ, Clarinet, Flute, Guitar, Piano, Saxophone
John Williams - Design
Max Bennet - Bass
Cliff Goldstein - Engineer

Top Frank Zappa, Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)
Ooh!
Lalalalala...
Hoopla!
Oink! Oink!
Lalalala...
Aah!
Yayayayayaya...
Lalalala... Mud Shark
That's right, you heard right,
The Secret Word for tonight is Mud Shark
And of course with the Mud Shark Secret Word is the Mud Shark Arpeggio
A marvellous little arpeggio
And now the mating call of the adult male Mud Shark:

Top Frank Zappa, Lonesome Electric Turkey

Top Frank Zappa, Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask

Top Frank Zappa, Put A Little Motor In 'em

FZ: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
Spider: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
John: I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . .
Spider: There's dry motors and wet motors, right?
John: Right
Spider: The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor
John: Good idea
Spider: Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure
Moon: . . . it's about letting go . . . we're all, we're all inside the piano . . . we're all . . . looking for a place . . . inside the piano . . . or a place to be alone . . .
Ali: Bu pianonun icinde bir meyhane olsa, bir kahve icin oturpda, azicik tavla oynasak nekadar guzel olur, degilmi abi?

Top Frank Zappa, Playground Psychotics

?: Put that mike down, Frank, it's obscene
?: [...]
George: Give me my little cup of brown sauce, let me dip my meat in
?: Oh, man
Jeff: Hundred dollars for Pinto beans, playground psychotics
?: I slipped my burning phallus in her quivering quim!
?: You like to offend these passengers, Underwood? Keep quiet!
?: Underwood, the only thing that offends are your green socks! Green velour!
?: Hot wets
?: Could you, could you repeat that?
?: . . . of your mind
?: Now, just take your hand off my leg
?: Take your hand off my leg
?: Listen, what is this? Okay, grab my tit, I'll sit still, you pervert. Howard, you're so low
?: The Andy Devine school of voice, you are low, Dunbar
?: I just keep . . .
Aynsley: I always keep it low ya, 'cause I'm only after one thing
?: God, you are an incredible man
?: Who?
?: Haven't any of the chics you've gone out with seen through you yet?
Aynsley: No, man, they're still quite like me

Top Frank Zappa, I Ain't Got No Heart

Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away
I sit and laugh at fools in love
There ain't no such thing as love
No angels singing up above today
Girl I don't believe
Girl I don't believe in what you say
You say your heart is only mine
I say to you, You must be blind,
What makes you think that you're so fine
That I would throw away the groovy life I lead
'Cause baby, what you've got yeah
It sure ain't what I need
Girl you better go
Girl you'd better go away
I think that life with you would be
Just not quite the thing for me
Why is it so hard to see my way?
Why should I be stuck with you
It's just not what I want to do
Why should an embrace or two
Make me such a part of you

Top Frank Zappa, Tears Began To Fall

Oooh!
Tears began to fall,
The writings on the wall
Tears began to fall
Since my baby go away
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own
I said my tears began to fall
I ain't got no love at all
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down my shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby go away
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Tears began to fall
Ayayayaaaa...
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own,
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down my shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby go away
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall

Top Frank Zappa, The Mud Shark

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)
Mud Sh-sh-shark
THE MUD SHARK DANCING LESSON!
Mud Sh-sh-shark
We're gonna do a little dancing,
A little dancing thing called the Mud Shark
Now, this dance started up in Seattle
Lemme tell you 'bout the Mud Shark...
The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows: There's a motel in Seattle, Washington called the Edgewater Inn. The Edgewater Inn's built on a pier.. so that means that when you look out your window you don't see any dirt -- it's got a bay or something out in your backyard,,, And to make it even more interesting, in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where the residents can go down whenever they want to, and rent a fishing pole and some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, open the window, stick their little pole outside and within a few minutes actually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into their motel room and do whatever they want with it... you know what I mean? Now in this bay there's quite a variety of ah... fish! Not only do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopusses that you can catch. And all these denizens of the deep can come in real handy... Let's say you were a travelling Rock and Roll band called the Vanilla Fudge. Let's
say one night you checked into the Edgewater Inn Motel with a 8mm movie camera, enough money to rent a pole, and just to make it more interesting -- a succulent young lady (Mnaaaah!) with a taste for the bizarre... My mind drifts back to a meeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport where the members of the Vanilla Fudge told Don Preston about a home movie they made at the Edgewater Inn with a Mud Shark. I'm gonna tell you, this dance, the Mud Shark, is sweeping the ocean!...
You go out
So far out

Top Frank Zappa, Piano Duet

Ian Underwood (electric piano)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
(Instrumental)

Top Frank Zappa, Pink Napkins

[Guitar solo from Black Napkins
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 17, 1977
engineer: Alan P.
FZ lead guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Eddie Jobson keyboards
Patrick O'Hearn bass
Terry Bozzio drums]

Top Frank Zappa, Watermelon In Easter Hay

Top Frank Zappa, Absolutely Free

Top Frank Zappa, Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?

Top Frank Zappa, Billy The Mountain

One, two, three . . .
BILLY the Mountain
BILLY the Mountain
A regular picturesque
Postcardy mountain
Residing between lovely
Rosamond and Gorman
With his stunning wife ETHELL,
A tree!
A tree!
BILLY was a mountain
ETHELL was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
BILLY was a mountain
(BILLY was a mountain!)
ETHELL was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
(ETHELL was a tree growing off of his shoulder)
(hey, hey hey!)
Billy had two big
Caves for eyes,
With a cliff for a jaw
That would go up 'n down,
And whenever it did,
He'd puff out some dust,
And hack up a boulder
(HACK!)
Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK!)
Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK! HACK!)
Up a boulder
Now, one day, now I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double-knit suit drove up in a large El Dorado Cadillac, leased from BOB SPREEN . . .
('Where the freeways meet in Downey!')
. . . And he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his 'foot' was supposed to be.
Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for ALL OF THOSE YEARS, and finally, now, AT LAST, his Royalties!
Royalties!
Royalties . . .
Royalties!
Royalty check is in, honey!
Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH! Yes, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw (which was a cliff), well it dropped thirty feet!
A bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'!
I gave him the money
He acted real funny
He hocked up a rock and
It TOTALLED my car!
Oh, do you
Know any trucks
Might be bound for THE VALLEY?
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
(Dear Lord)
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
(No shit!)
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar!
By two o'clock, when the bars are already closed down, BILLY had broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL. And with dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced . . .
'ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!'
Yes, and they WERE going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, like every little woman, she of course was very excited! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her.) BILLY told ETHELL they were going to . . . Yes! They were going to NEW YORK!
'ETHELL, we're going to . . . New York!'
But first they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS . . .
It's off to LAS VEGAS
to check out the lounges
Pull a few handles,
And drink a few beers,
(Oh, ETHELL!)
ETHELL, my darling,
you know that I love you!
I'm glad we could have a
Vacation this year!
(Oh, NEET-O!)
Glad we could have a
Vacation this year!
They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert . . . their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds (POO-AAH!)
'ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?'
(Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!
Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!)
'Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CLAMS?'
The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE . . .
And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF . . . (We have ignition!) . . . got LUNCHED! I said LUNCHED! (Lunched!) By a FAMOUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE.
'Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACK-DOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, Lomita, Westchester, Playa Del Rey, Santa Monica, Tujunga, Sunland, San Fernando, Pacoima, Sylmar, Newhall, Canoga Park, Palmdale, Glendale, Irwindale, Rolling Hills, Granada Hills, Shadow Hills,Cheviot Hills, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE . . . '
WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ('Wah wah wah, nice lady!') to raise funds for the injured (injured . . . ) and homeless (homeless . . . ) in Glendale, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS (right near the 'Jack-In-The-Box' on Glenoaks) where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through . . .
Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( 'Toto . . . !') just playing ( 'Come on, Toto . . . !') and having a nice time with his little accordion ('Toto . . . !'), and this weird wind came up ('Toto . . . !'), direct from Glendale ('Toto . . . ! Toto . . . !'), blowing these terrible germs in his direction ('Come here, Toto . . . !'), and all of this caused ('Toto . . . !') by a huge mountain ('Aunty Em!')!
'Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly . . . '
. . . sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of WATTS!!!
Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when BILLY received his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, lemme tell ya, ETHELL said, now ETHELL, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go!
'I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!'
'THAT'S RIGHT! We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it is This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices (COVEN!) WITCH-CRAFT!'
It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'! (And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin) This one MAN was STUDEBAKER HOCH, fantastic new SUPER HERO of the CURRENT ECONOMIC SLUMP.
(Oh) Now, some folks say he looked like (he was like, he was like) ZUBIN MEHTA (Zubin Mehta); still others say (others say he), bullshit, honey (bullshit, man) he's just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the Frozen Beef Pies at BONEY'S MARKET. (Others say he was just a, just a) Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack! (crazy Italian) He's just a crazy Italian who drove a RED CAR. You see (nobody knows for sure 'cause he was so), nobody ever really knew for sure, because STUDEBAKER was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious (mysterious) . . .
HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!
HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!
'Cuz when a person gets to be
Such a HERO, folks,
And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE,
You can never REALLY TELL
About a GUY LIKE THAT
(Whether he's really a NICE PERSON
Or if he just SMILES A LOT),
(What?)
Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO',
Or what?
Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what?
Some men say he could FLY
Some men say he could SWIM
Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA),
And all the girls in FLUSHING
Would be AMAZED of HIM
(Two, Three!)
AMAZED of HIM!
(Amazed!)
(Amazed!)
Time passes . . .
January, February, March, July . . .
Wednesday . . .
August . . .
Irwindale . . .
. . . 2:30 in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday . . .
Funny Cars!
Walnut!
Friday
City of Industry . . .
Big John Mazmanian!
So when the phone rang
In the secret briefcase,
A strong masculine hand
With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch
And flexy bracelet
GRABBED IT
And answered
In a deep, calmly assured voice:
'So . . . ah . . . yeah, yeah, hello already . . . what? . . . Well, yeah? . . . Ah, are you kidding . . . ? You're not kidding . . . a mountain . . . ? With a tree growing off of its shoulder . . . ? Aw, you're fulla shit, man . . . ah, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front . . . ? Yeah . . . ? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we're having a lot of . . . listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head . . . and, ah, how's your wife's hemorrhoids? Oh, that's too bad . . . Listen . . . so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing . . . oh, my! Well, let me write this down . . . sorta take a few notes here . . . yeah . . . ? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION? (my baby, my baby) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? An expense account? And per diem, too?'
SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE!
They said he could DANCE, and, of course, THEY were right! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it!
Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly!
Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . . Hey!
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER
TO THE HEART-Uh
Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . .
NOBODY can DANCE like STUDEBAKER HOCH! So many rumors have spread about STUDEBAKER HOCH! (A rumor . . . a rumor . . . ) Consider this rumor (a rumor . . . ), which was published (a rumor . . . ) about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE!
Oh, it's gotta be true!
STUDEBAKER HOCH can write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin!
'NO!'
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO!
etc.
(I'm so HIP!)
BEEF PIES!
He was born next to the BEEF PIES,
Underneath JONI MITCHELL'S autographed picture,
Right beside ELLIOT ROBERTS' big Bank Book,
Next to the boat
Where CROSBY flushed away all his stash
And the cops
Got him in the boat and drove away
To THE CAN
Where Neil Young slipped another disc
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
(And that was the main influence on HIM!)
The influence of a Frozen Beef Pie!
Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON HE . . . yes, HE ran around the back of 'THE BROADWAY' at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, un-used cardboard boxes (no shit!)
After which, he hit up the RALPH'S on Sunset for some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey!
Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of RALPH'S, where 'no prizes are lower prizes than RALPH'S,' in the parking lot of RALPH'S (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out some really, really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered them thoroughly with foil!
Thorough-LY wi-TH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL-L-L!
Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth . . .
YES!! Yes! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA maple syrup all over the inside of his legs!
Soon the booth was filling with flies!
(Help me, help me, help me!)
He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in (Yes! Yeah!), and when each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, RON HUBBARD-type voice . . .
'NEW YORK!'
. . . and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky!
STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!
STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!
He's coating his legs
With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down!
His shorts'll be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He's really outa sight!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He does it every night!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He treats the flies all right
STOODLA-BAKER HOCH
That's why they never bite, hey!
(Please to New York!
Fly to New York!)
He could be a DOG
Or a FROG
Or a LESBIAN QUEEN!
(Fly to New York!)
He could be a NARK
Or a LADY MARINE!
Or he might play dirty!
He's OVER THIRTY!
(Getting old? Say! I don't know!)
His peculiar attire
And the flies he require
Keep leading him on
'Cause ETHELL is gone
They keep leading him on
'Cause ETHELL is gone
And THE MOUNTAIN she's on
And speaking of mountains, we'll join STUDEBAKER HOCH on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth. Take it away:
'Ah . . . ya, ya, ya, hey-ah BILLY, ah, listen . . . I've come to REASON with you! Our GREAT COUNTRY needs you in the Armed Forces! Your NUMBER came up . . . you can't go on running like this forever.'
Oh! But ETHELL just shook her twigs angrily, but STUDEBAKER HOCH, calm, cool, collected, and UN-ferturbed, continued . . .
'Ya, well listen, you (cough cough) . . . listen, you COMMUNIST SON-OF-A-BITCH! You better get your ass down there for your fuckin' physical, or I'll see to it that you get used for FILL DIRT in some impending New Jersey MARSH RECLAMATION . . . and your girl-friend there will wind up disguised as a series of brooms, primitive ironing boards (or a DOG HOUSE) . . . get the (cough, cough), GET THE PICTURE?'
Yeah, well, BILLY just laughed:
'HO, HO, HO! If they think they're gonna draft ME, they're CRAZY!'
Unfortunately, because STUDEBAKER HOCH was standing on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth when the giant mountain laughed, STUDEBAKER HOCH lost his footing and fell, screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below!
'Aaahhhhh . . . oh fuck, I'm gonna need a TRUSS . . . '
Oh, listen, that only goes to show you, and it'll show you once again that . . .
A Mountain is something
You don't wanna fuck with
You don't wanna fuck with
Don't fuck around
(Don't fuck around)
Don't fuck with BILLY (No!)
And don't fuck with ETHELL
(You saw what just happened
To the guy with the flies!)
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
With
Biddilly, Biddilly
Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly
BIDDILLY
MOUNTIN-INNNNNNN!
(Eddie, are you kidding?)
Eddie, are you kidding?
FZ: Oh, I forgot to mention this is where we take our intermission, we'll see you in a few minutes . . .
(Thank you!)
FZ: We'll be back!

Top Frank Zappa, Packard Goose

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Joe: (clutching the hood ornament of an ancient car)
Maybe you thought I
was the Packard Goose
Or the Ronald
MacDonald of the
nouveau-abstruse
Well fuck all them
people, I don't
need no excuse
For being what I am
Do you hear me, then?
All them rock 'n roll
writers is the worst
kind of sleaze
Selling punk like
some new kind of
English disease
Is that the wave
of the future?
Aw, spare me please!
Oh no, you gotta go
Who do you write for?
I wanna know
I believe you is the
government's whore
And keeping peoples
dumb is where you're
coming from
And keeping peoples
dumb is where you're
coming from
Fuck all them writers
with the pen in
their hand
I will be more
specific so they
might understand
They can all
kiss my ass
But because it's
so grand
They'd best just
stay away
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, Joe, who
did you blow?
Moe pushed
the button boy
And you went
to the show
Better suck a little
harder or the shekels
won't flow
And I don't mean
your thumb
So on your knees
you bum
Just tell yourself
it's yum
And suck it 'till
you're numb
Journalism's
kinda scary
And of it
we should be wary
Wonder what became
of Mary?
And no sooner has he wondered, a vision of Mary appears to him, delivering a little lecture...
Voice Of Mary's Vision:
Hi! It's me...
the girl from the bus...
Remember?
The last tour?
Well...
Information is
not knowledge
Knowledge is
not wisdom
Wisdom is not truth
Truth is not beauty
Beauty is not love
Love is not music
Music is THE BEST...
Wisdom is the domain
of the Wis
(which is extinct).
Beauty is a French
phonetic corruption
Of a short cloth
neck ornament
Currently in
resurgence...
And no sooner has she spoken (which is awkward and probably incorrect but what the fuck), enormous flabby short cloth neck ornaments obscure the horizon in a multitude, beating their ugly wings and working their hidden chrome snap attachments as they resurge in the direction of the White Zone seeking snack material near the Utensil Shrines of Greater America...
Joe:
If you're in the
audience and like
what we do
Well, we want you
to know that we
like you all too
But as for the
sucker who will
write the review
If his mind
is prehensile
(His mind
is prehensile)
He'll put down
his pencil
(He'll put down
his pencil)
And have
himself a squat
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil)
Go give it all you got
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil)
Sit 'n spin until you rot
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil)
He really needs
to squat
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil
Cosmic Utensil)
Now that I got that
over with
I'll just play my
imaginary guitar again
Hey...
soundin' pretty good!
Hey...get down, me...
Boy, what an
imagination!
Love myself better
than I love myself...
I think...
What tone!
Sounds like an
Elegant Gypsy!
What is that?
Musk?

Top Frank Zappa, STICK IT OUT

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
JOE leaves the First Church of Appliantology and sets out to try L. RON's expensive advice
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak German Now, get this, here's why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET... And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes into this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one...that looks like ah, it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body...it's really exciting...and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...
Joe:
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Stunned by JOE's command of it's native tongue, a gleaming model XQJ-37 nuclear powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker named SY BORG (previously thought to be the son of the lady who called the Police on cut two, side I), spindles over to JOE and says...
Sy Borg:
Pick me...I'm clean...
I am also programmed
for conversational
English.
This stuns JOE, who stands there speechless for a moment. Smitten by JOE's animal magnetism, SY continues...
Sy Borg:
May I have
this dance?
And JOE, looking sharp in his housewife costume with the napkin on his head and the yellow chiffon apron, responds boldly by repeat- ing the entreaty originally delivered in Deutsch in its conversational English form, so that his intentions re- garding the Appliance will be made perfectly clear...
Joe:
I've got a better idea...
Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Weenie...weenie,
weenie, weenie!
Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig
Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig
Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire
Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Whereupon, in order to
prove to JOE that he is
no ordinary Appliance, SY
quotes a few lines of
traditional American Love
Poetry...
Sy Borg:
What's a girl like you
Doing in a place
like this?
Do you come
here often?
Wait a minute...
I've got it...
You're an Italian...
What? You're Jewish?
Love your nails...
You must be a Libra...
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde
python screaming

Top Frank Zappa, Sy Borg

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe and his date are going back to the apartment to have a little party...
Joe:
Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,
I beg
Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,
Little wires,
pliers, tires
They turn me on
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy,
mon...
Stroking several of SY's gleaming appendages, JOE continues...
Gee, Sy
This is a real groovy
apartment
You've got here
Sy Borg:
All government
sponsored recreational
services are clean and
efficient
Joe:
This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated
machine
That looks like a
magical pig
With marital aids
stuck all over it
Such as yourself
before
Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It's a way of life.
Joe:
Does that mean
maybe later
You'll plook me...
Sy Borg:
If you wish, we may
have a groovy orgy
Joe:
Just me and you?
Sy Borg:
I share this apartment
With a modified
Gay Bob doll
He goes all the way...
Ever try oral sex with
a miniature rubberized
homo-replica?
Joe:
No, ah, not yet,
Ah, is this him?
Sy Borg:
This is him.
Your wish is
his command
He likes you
He wants to kiss
you always
Just tell him what
you want
Joe:
Really?
Hi, little guy
Think I might get a
tiny, but exciting
Blow...job...
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job...
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob.
Sy Borg:
Bend over.
Joe:
Gay Bob
Blow job
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob
Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It looks just like a
TeleFunken U-47.
Joe:
Little leather cap
and trousers
They look so gay..
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Hey...
Sy Borg:
Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss
you always.
Joe:
Gee, this is great
How's about some
bondage and
humiliation
Sy Borg:
Anything you say,
master.
Joe:
Oh no, I don't believe
You're way more fun
than Mary...
Sy Borg:
You're plooking
too hard...
Joe:
And cleaner than
Lucille...
Sy Borg:
Plooking on me...
Joe:
What have I
been missing
All these years?
Sy Borg:
Too hard
Joe:
Sy...
Sy Borg:
Too hard
Joe:
Sy...
Sy Borg:
Plooking too hard
on me-e-e-e-e...
Joe:
Speak to me
Oh no...
The golden shower
must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have
plooked him...
To death...
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan- Sexual Roto-Plooker And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't got a chance.
Joe:
But I...
I, I, I, I, I...
I can't pay
I gave all my money
To some kinda groovy
religious guy...
Two songs ago...
Central Scrutinizer:
Come on out son...
Between the two of us
We'll find a way to

Top Frank Zappa, The Central Scrutinizer

Top Frank Zappa, Get A Little

Top Frank Zappa, Directly From My Heart To You

Top Frank Zappa, Didja Get Any Onya?

Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, snorks)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet, flugel horn)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Don Preston (piano, organ, electronic effects)
Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (electric violin)
Lowell George (rhythm guitar, vocals, vocals)
Trumpet solo
MWAA MWAA MWAA
Trumpet solo
MWAA MWAA MWAA
Alto solo
Monologue:
Years ago in Tshermany when I wos a very small boy, zey was a lot of peoples stending around on ze corners asking quest-shens: "Vy are you stending on ze corner eck-ting ze way you do, looking ze way you look! Vy do you look zat way!", they ask me end I vanted to say: I don't know, I'm just stending here waiting in ze evening, and it's nice outside...
( Rest obscured by pseudo-operatic voices )
NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH
NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH
Did you get any
Onya onya onya
Onya onya onya

Top Frank Zappa, Who Needs The Peace Corps?

Top Frank Zappa, Mom & Dad

Top Frank Zappa, Harry, You're A Beast

Top Frank Zappa, Flower Punk

Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that
flower in your hand?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that
flower in your hand?
Well, I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a
psychedelic band.
I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a
psychedelic band.
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that
button on your shirt?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that
button on your shirt?
I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play
my bongos in the dirt.
Yes, I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play
my bongos in the dirt.
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that
hair on your head?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that
hair on your head?
I'm goin' to the dance to get some action,
then I'm goin' home to bed.
I'm goin' to the dance to get some action,
then I'm goin' home to bed.
Hey Punk, where you goin' with those
beads around your neck?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with those
beads around your neck?
I'm goin' to the shrink so he can help me
be a nervous wreck...
(Just at this moment, the 2700
microgram dose of STP ingested by
FLOWER PUNK shortly before the
song began TAKES EFFECT: before
your very ears his head blows up...
leaving a bizarre audial residue all over
your teen-age record player!)
Hey Punk! Hey Punk! Hey Punk!
Punky! Punk! Hey Punk! Punky!
Come and go...come and go...
Polly, do I ever have a lot of soul?
I think I love you!
Questi dominga?
Have you seen that nose eating?
I wanna know for sure!
Leave my nose alone please!
What 're you trying to do?
Listen! ...
This is one of the most
exciting things that's ever
happened to me
You know, every time I think
about how lucky I am to be in
the rock & roll industry
It's SO exciting
You know, when I first got into
the rock & roll business
I could barely even play the
changes to this song on my, on
my guitar
But now I'm very professional
I can play the guitar
I can strum it rhythmically
I can sing along with my guitar
as I strum
I can strum, sing, dance,
I can make merry fun all over
the stage
And you know, it's so wonderful
to...
It's wonderful to feel that I'm
doing something for the kids
Because I know that the kids
and their music are where it's
The youth of America today is
so wonderful
And I'm proud to be a part of
this gigantic mass deception
I hope she sees me thrilling,
yes...
I hope she sees me dancing and
thrilling
I will say: "Hello Dolly!"
Is the song over?
Boy, this is really exciting,
making a rock & roll record
I can't even wait until our
record comes out and teen-agers
start to buy it
We'll all be rich and famous!
And when my royalty check comes
I think I'm going to buy a
Mustang
No, I think I'll...I think I'll
get a Corvette
No, I think I'll get a Harley
Davidson
No, I don't think I'll buy any
of those cars
I think what I will do is I
will buy both
No, I don't do that either
I think, ah, I'll go into real
estate
I think I'd like to...
I think I'd like to buy a house
in ... Boulevard
No, that wouldn't do any good
Gee, I wonder if they can see
me up here, twirling that
tambourine and dancing...
Maybe after the show
One of the girls who sees me up
here, singing and thrilling my
tambourine and dancing, will
like me
And she will come over to me
And I will walk
I will walk up to her and I
will smile at her
And I will impress her and I
will say: "Hello, baby,
What's a girl like you doing in
a place like this?
I'm from a rock & roll band,
I think we should..."

Top Frank Zappa, Concentration Moon

Top Frank Zappa, This Is Neat

Howard: This is neat!
Jeff: Spending a night in the motel
Howard: This is about the neatest Holiday Inn I've seen in days. The rooms are in Foon's name, hey? Look at that, wild coyotes!
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!
Mark: Okay, uh, you guys are gonna wait while I go in and check?
FZ: Yeah, you're the straightest looking member, so
Howard: Really, why don't you go in and see if you . . .
Mark: Yeah, man, right over there, right behind that car
Howard: Singles!
Mark: They're already set up that way, sure
Howard: Oh. Good.

Top Frank Zappa, This Is Phaze Iii

Spider: This is Phaze III. This is also...
John: Well,get trhough Phaze I & II first.
Spider: Alright, alright. Here's Phaze I...
F.Z.:The audience sits inside of a big piano and they listen to it grow.
Spider: People are going to sit inside of a piano. They're going to listen to
this piano grow.
John: They're going to listen to the piano grow?
Spider: Listen!...
Monica: This is going to turn into a...
Spider: It's going to turn into another Haight-Ashbury.Remember how we
commercialized on that scene?
John: That was a really good move.
Monica: Oh! That was a confession.
Spider: Right man..and all it was was like people sitting in doorways freaking
out tourists going "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round!
Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing".
John: Oh yeah, That's what doing your thing is!

Top Frank Zappa, Tiger Roach

Captain Beefheart (vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Janschi (bass)
Vic Mortenson (drums)
This album is not available to the public ...
Even if it were, you wouldn't wanna listen to it!
[mouth noises]
Iron Man!
[screams]
That's fine!
Tiger spine!
Work out!
Monza blocks!
Light switch!
Roaches' smocks!
Ice cream!
What a dream!
Memories of
Flyin' machines!
Green Lantern!
Funny lizard!
Three-way!
Out'sight!
Buddy learns!
See Spot run!
Work out!
Have some fun!
Yeah ...
[screams]
[screams]
Wilhelmina!
Mildew!
[screams]
Billboard!
Night light!
Hammerhead!
Outta sight!
In Baghdad
Roaches fly!
Outta sight!
'Cross the grassy sky!
Anvils fly!
Mountains burp!
Turpentine!
[Deano/Duno/Tuna/Tina werp?]
Lord gosh!
Oooh ...
[Rush eye / Musheye?] ...
[harp imitation, screams and coughs]
What's that noise?
Looks like green!
Maybe it's purple?
[Spotlight / Spot eye?]!
Hammer law?
Bend iron!
So fine ...

Top Frank Zappa, Treacherous Cretins

FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo electric sitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice]
Heh heh heh . . .
Bozzio: It's gone . . .
O'Hearn: What? Your talent for sucking?
Bozzio: I . . .
O'Hearn: Never . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Tush Tush Tush

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
Everybody gotta say: "heh heh heh"
Oh yeah!
It’s a, it, it,
It’s about all the sunshine here in fin... fin... finland
And all that kinda stuff that makes you wanna have a little...
Tush tush tush
And then I told,
I said why don’t you and me get together goin’ up to my...
Wait a minute!
What’s that you pullin’ outa your mush?
But she, she said...
Wait a minute, I said what?
Heh heh heh
Napoleon says he don’t use them things and he ain’t...
What’s wrong with you anyway?
But why would you use that for anyway?
I’ve never seen one like that in my life
What do you think I was ... like a little video?
Tush tush tush
Except when I laid in ah, wherever it was...
And ah...
Hey, wait a minute...
No, I ain’t done much
She gave everybody in the group about twelve of them
Son-of-a-guns
And I said a black one, a pink one and a...
Heh heh heh
I said I could use them, so
I told I could use ’em either but she gave ’em
I owned ’em for about six months and then I could ...
But she said... ha, ha, ha!
Y’all is great!
It was nice and pretty though
Heh heh heh
But ruth said she wouldn’t go give up
Unless you all use some of them kfmr...
And she said after the show, brian
All you have to do is come in to ring the bell and draw a
Three-hole
Heh heh heh ha ha ha
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
I must say that you guys are gonna take some cheese outta that
Restaurant
Tush tush tush
That’s what I was tryin’ to do last night
When that m... wouldn’t let me in the god... pickin’
It’s the protein and the energy and the...
Bafflin’ to get me in her room...
Wouldn’t let me in the hotel...
Wait a minute
Oh, I got a key to the...
Heh heh heh
Ladies and gentlemen!
Welcome to our program tonight
Which features ruth underwood on percussion,
Napoleon murphy brock on tush tush tush
Chester thompson on drums
Tom fowler on bass
And george duke on keyboards
And the name of the very first song that we’re going to play
Tonight
Is stink-foot
(squeak squeak squeak)

Top Frank Zappa, Tush Tush Tush (A Token Of My Extreme)

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
everybody gotta say: "HEH HEH HEH"
Oh yeah!
It's a, it, it,
It's about all the sunshine here in Fin... Fin... Finland
And all that kinda stuff that makes you wanna have a little...
TUSH TUSH TUSH
And then I told,
I said why don't you and me get together goin' up to my...
Wait a minute!
What's that you pullin' outa your mush?
But she, she said...
Wait a minute, I said WHAT?
HEH HEH HEH
Napoleon says he don't use them things and he ain't...
What's wrong with you anyway?
But why would you use that for anyway?
I've never seen one like that in my life
What do you think I was ... like a little video?
TUSH TUSH TUSH
Except when I laid in ah, wherever it was...
And ah...
Hey, wait a minute...
No, I ain't done much
She gave everybody in the group about twelve of them
son-of-a-guns
And I said a black one, a pink one and a...
HEH HEH HEH
I said I could use them, so
I told I could use 'em either but she gave 'em
I owned 'em for about six months and then I could ...
But she said... Ha, Ha, Ha!
Y'all is great!
It was nice and pretty though
HEH HEH HEH
But Ruth said she wouldn't go give up
Unless you all use some of them KFMR...
And she said after the show, Brian
All you have to do is come in to ring the bell and draw a
three-hole
HEH HEH HEH Ha Ha Ha
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
I must say that you guys are gonna take some cheese outta that
restaurant
TUSH TUSH TUSH
That's what I was tryin' to do last night
When that m... wouldn't let me in the god... pickin'
It's the protein and the energy and the...
Bafflin' to get me in her room...
Wouldn't let me in the hotel...
Wait a minute
Oh, I got a key to the...
HEH HEH HEH
Ladies and gentlemen!
Welcome to our program tonight
Which features Ruth Underwood on percussion,
Napoleon Murphy Brock on TUSH TUSH TUSH
Chester Thompson on drums
Tom Fowler on bass
And George Duke on keyboards
And the name of the very first song that we're going to play
tonight
Is Stink-Foot
(Squeak squeak squeak)

Top Frank Zappa, Uncle Bernie's Farm

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
(I'm dreaming...)
There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up,
A bomb for yo daddy too! (Ouch!)
A baby doll that burps 'n pees;
A case of airplane glue!
There's a hungry plastic troll,
To scarf yo buddy's arm!
There's a box of ugly plastic things marked:
"UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM"
There's a little plastic 'CONGRESS'
There's a 'NATION' you can buy!
There's a doll that looks like mommy
(She'll do anything but cry) (Yes, Sir)
There's a doll that looks like daddy
(He's a funny little man...
Push a button 'n ask fo money:
There's a dollar in his hand!) (Check his wallet)
We gotta send Sanny claus back to de Rescue Mission!
Christmas don't make it no more!
Don'tcha know that murder an' destruction
Scream de toys in every store! (I think this is sold in New York)
There's a man who runs the country
There's a man who tried to think
And they're all made out of plastic
(When they melt, they start to stink)
There's a book with smiling children,
Nearly dead with Christmas joys
And smiling in his office
is the creep who makes 'the toys'
(They got this car, when it hits the wall, you can see the guy dying
You got little plastic pools of blood
Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho (I'm dreaming...)
...intestines...you can see right into his stomach...
There's this other thing, I...
I got bombs, I got rockets, I got a, I got a stillson wrench
and comes with a tape recorder...
I got plastic brass knuckles
with sound effects

Top Frank Zappa, Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part I

[includes The Uncle Meat Variations and some unidentified Synclavier music]
Filmed in Hollywood, California
1970 and 1982
starring:
Phyllis Smith (a.k.a. Phyllis Altenhaus)
Don Preston
Frank Zappa
cast (in order of appearance):
Carl Zappa
Aynsley Dunbar
Ray Collins
Meredith Monk
Massimo Bassoli
Francesca Fisher
Stumuk
playing themselves:
Haskell Wexler
The guy from Alabama
Motorhead Sherwood
Miss Lucy
Janet Neville-Ferguson
Linda Ronstadt
Rodney Bingenheimer
[0:00]
FZ: We're shooting the uh, title sequence for Uncle Meat right now, which is the name of the Mothers of Invention movie that we've been working on for about three years . . . without too much success.
Don: Boy, we really need a hit single . . . Just think, I mean, the way the world's going today . . . with all the problems in it . . . I think I can actually change the world, because it's the young people that really need to be changed, and, and you can really do that through music and everything . . . This was our last hit single . . . it was really a bummer, they wouldn't even play it on the radio . . . Oh, well, gotta come up with something better than that . . .
[1:34]
Don: Good evening, this is Biff Debris.
Phyllis: You know . . . it's too much, I know.
Don: Coming to you from the motel.
Phyllis: Look at that monster.
Don: Where . . .
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!
Phyllis: What are they laughing about? He looks so beautiful when they laugh . . .
Don: That's what my psychiatrist used to say . . .
Phyllis: Twelve years. It's the same story there with that song, I don't know what I'm doing, but look, look at the way he's changing . . . Oh, I remember that in the shower, the first time with the hamburger. Oh, that was good . . . But, I don't know, twelve years marriage, you get tired of the same thing. But I don't know, I can try it again sometime. Oh, look there's Minnesota! He was a great guy, Minnesota Tishman . . .
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era
Phyllis: He was a nice guy . . .
Don: Don't you feel it coming?
Phyllis: He was, he was okay in this time. He's washed up now, I heard about it though.
[2:20]
Ray: What is it you're doing, Mr. Tishman?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it
Aynsley: . . . pool?
Phyllis: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would ask him what he's doing.
Haskell Wexler: What the hell are we doing in this bathroom?
FZ: I'm going to . . . While you stand there and take pictures of that, I'm gonna tell you the, the plot of the movie. Alright. Basically what we're going to do, today, is spend some time around the house while you meet the people that you're going to be photographing for the rest of the week . . . and we discuss some of the absurdities . . .
Haskell Wexler: Absurdities?
FZ: Yes, we're just dealing with the . . . the absurdities of making the movie in the first place and especially about the Mothers of Invention . . .
[3:20]
Guy From Alabama: You wanna have a circle-jerk?
Aynsley: The who?
Guy From Alabama: Circle-jerk.
Aynsley: A circle jerk? What's that?
Guy From Alabama: That's where you get everybody around and bet yer meat and see who can get it the fastest.
Aynsley: Yeah?
Guy From Alabama: Yeah, and whoever wins gets nineteen kegs
Aynsley: Nineteen who?
Guy From Alabama: Kegs, you know . . .
Aynsley: Cakes of what?
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Aynsley: Cakes. Cheers. Yeah, anyway.
FZ: What could that possibly mean . . . hmmm, I wonder what happens if you go like this . . .
[3:42]
Ray: What is it that you're doing with this?
Carl: I'm using the . . .
FZ: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would talk to him while he was eating, and I would ask him what he's doing. And he would say, 'I'm using the chicken to measure it.'
Phyllis: Ok . . .
Don: Can I borrow your comb?
Phyllis: You know what I used to do?
Ray: What are you doing with that?
Phyllis: I used to watch him eat.
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Phyllis: You know, you know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would ask him, 'What are you doing?'
FZ: Do it again.
Ray: Why is he using a chicken to measure it?
Phyllis: And he would say, 'I'm using the chicken to measure it.' What did he mean by that?
Ray: . . . he's using the chicken to measure it
Phyllis: Till this day I don't know what he's talking about . . .
FZ: Do it again.
Phyllis: That Tishman. That Minnesota Tishman . . . What a guy . . .
[4:22]
Guy From Alabama: Eight inches or less?
Aynsley: Uh . . . eight inches.
Guy From Alabama: Eight inches? Well, I'll get your kind of women, there, man.
Aynsley: You can? Yes, it's cool . . .
Guy From Alabama: Oh, they got some whores there you wouldn't believe!
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama: You can just . . . fall right in.
Aynsley: But do they play pool?
[4:32]
Phyllis: What a guy, what a sense of humour . . . The way he used to . . . let me get back to that.
FZ: Look at the way he hands that chicken . . .
Aynsley: Do you want another ball?
FZ: He had a way with that chicken . . .
Phyllis: He . . . look at the way he handles that chicken, he had a way . . . look at the way he holds it, and fondles it, and he put it right near his privates . . .
Aynsley: But that's cool, still
Guy From Alabama: That's cool, yeah.
Aynsley: That's cool, yeah, I sort of followed the . . .
Guy From Alabama: I'm using the chicken to measure it, though
Aynsley: You were?
Guy From Alabama: Yeah.
Aynsley: Yeah, where's the shit . . . or the white dove?
Guy From Alabama: I'm up to my knees in shit, man.
Aynsley: Really.
Guy From Alabama: There's all kind of shit, now about . . . all smokin' shit . . .
[5:00]
Massimo: And now, we are going to translate: 'This is my left hand.' Repeat after me: 'Questa e' la mia mano sinistra.' And now: 'This is my right hand.' Repeat after me: 'Questa e' la mia mano destra.'
Ray: What is it you're doing?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Have you ever used a chicken to measure it?
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama: I fucked a chicken . . .
[5:25]
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era wherein the development of the inner self is the most important thing. We have to train ourselves. So that we can improvise on anything: a bird, a sock, a fuming beaker. This is, this too can be music. Anything can be music.
FZ: Hello? Yeah, are you busy? Well I was wondering -this is Frank- can you come, yeah, can you come over here and be in our uh, teen-age movie? Okay, well, I'll tell you what the action is . . .
Phyllis: He's eating.
FZ: Ok, he's eating, you see . . . Don Preston . . . Well, it depends, mostly it's a hamburger, sometimes, well he doesn't wanna eat the hamburger, 'cause he's a vegetarian . . . Okay now, Phyllis is here . . . Phyllis . . .
Phyllis: Who's Phyllis?
FZ: No, no, no, Phyllis is the girl that's the, my assistant editor on the, on the film . . . Yeah, she used to be Tom Wilson's secretary . . . Ok . . . You remember Tom Wilson were gonna run for President?
[6:51]
Aynsley: You're Tom Wilson?
Carl: Yeah.
Aynsley: Yeah?
Carl: Then she came out here work on the Woodstock festival.
Ray: What are you doing with that chicken?
Carl: And then uh, then . . .
Ray: I was measuring the ball.
Carl: Then Frank hired her to work on the Mothers movie.
[7:00]
Phyllis: Hi, I'm Phyllis Altenhaus, and I'm working with Frank Zappa on his film Uncle Meat, in Hollywood. I'm a little nervous doing this 'cause it's the first time I'd even been a star in a film. I originally started working for Frank as his assistant editor on the film Uncle Meat, and one day we were sitting around watching the Festival Hall shots, the rushes, and I saw Don come on the screen -Don Preston plays the monster- and I said, 'Frank, look at Don! He's turning into a monster! I'm gonna vomit!'
FZ: When she sees him turning into a monster she has to vomit.
Phyllis: Frank said, 'That's it, that's the opening of the line, that, that, I mean, that's the opening of the picture.' I said, 'Frank, I can't be in your picture, first of all, I have such a bad Brooklyn accent, I'm embarrased by the whole thing!' And he said, 'Don't worry, you'll do it.' So, you know, with Frank, he has a certain way about him, I mean he just gets people to do these things.
Don: He just makes me sick when he changes into a monster.
Phyllis: Why? Why does he make you sick?
Don: Oh, can't you see it how, how . . . ugly it is that, being that monster? Oh, just, I can't stand it, I, I think I'm gonna be sick, I have to vomit.
FZ: She just, she tells me she has to vomit, see. She's trying to make me believe that it makes her sick when he turns into a monster.
Phyllis: There's something about that that gets me so nauseous, I don't know what it is. Look at that, look at that.
FZ: Yeah, but it's not true. Well, you see, it gets her hot.
Phyllis: There's something so sexy about him. When he comes on that stage, I get so hot just looking at him drinking that, that smoke stuff, I don't know what it is. I don't even care if he turns into a monster, I love it . . .
Don: Oh dear!
Phyllis: Look at that, oh him with the cape, but he doesn't, he walks away. It's such a hot move and he, he's so terrific when he goes back to that gong, oh, that's so nice . . . Boy, I hope no one ever finds out I love it so much, that hot monster . . . oh, ooh . . .
Don: You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen.
Phyllis: I don't like to be called manipulating, that's for sure, but I like to think of myself as being hot.
FZ: She gets hot. And then she runs into the toilet, and she stands in front of the mirror and she makes faces to herself so she can turn into a monster. Isn't it cute? That's right, then, when she does that, and she's having a fantasy that she's turning into a monster, the monster comes out of the toilet from behind her.
[9:30]
Phyllis: Oh . . . a little lower, please.
Don: How do you work all those controls in there? That's really fantastic . . .
Phyllis: Oh, it's nothing.
Don: All of those buttons and switches . . .
Phyllis: It's nothing. Look, look what's going on there! Oh . . . oh, wow, this . . .
Don: I just can't see how a girl could do all that.
Phyllis: Oh, now with the, the Women's Liberation Front we can do anything, you're kidding? Oh . . . oh! It's so good!
Don: This girl obviously has some sort of demented problem in where she, she likes uh, monsters that drink foamy vile liquid and uh transform. It must be some uh, connection in her past, in her childhood of something. Maybe her father didn't demonstrate enough uh, affection for her. It's a . . .
Phyllis: Oh . . . it's been so long . . .
Don: Tell me, did your father demonstrate any affection for you?
Phyllis: I've been watching you on the screen for four weeks . . . Finally, my monster . . . Is it real? Is it really you? Oh that feels, oh, monster, can I have a bite off of your apple?
Don: Mm . . . I think that uh . . .
Phyllis: It's so nice to be here with a monster finally . . .
Don: It must be uh, her mother and father probably told her that she's real ugly and awkward and dumb and everything . . .
Phyllis: It's a good apple, monster.
Don: And so she relates to people that are ugly, dumb and awkward.
Phyllis: Let me take off your hat so I can really see what's happening underneath there. Just what I thought, a monster head.
Don: You'll find this is quite common in uh, today's society
Phyllis: It's like Adam and Eve and the apple . . . Finally, here's my monster . . . after all this time . . .
Don: That's why monster movies are so popular, you know?
Phyllis: I'd waited and waited . . .
Don: D'you know how many a monster movie costs to make?
Phyllis: And there he is, he's right here.
Don: Monster movies really cost a lot of money.
Phyllis: Sitting with me, I can't believe it! Is it really you, monster?
Don: And our young society today goes to all these monster movies and they see them on television night after night.
Phyllis: It's so terrific to be with the monster.
Don: We're raising a new generation of monster lovers.
Phyllis: I've been waiting so long for the monster . . . Maybe this'll be the real thing.
[12:20]
Don: He's changing into a monster! You should see this! God, I get so hot!
Aynsley: Would you like a quick vibrator? Now you've ruined the whole thing
Carl: Have I? I'll take one down!
Aynsley: Oh, cheers . . .
Carl: I thought you get the walking four balls.
Aynsley: No no . . .
Carl: It's difficult to walk on three.
Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Carl: Don?
Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Aynsley: Charles.
Phyllis: Aynsley Dunbar, who's playing with Frank now, this real English popstar, very attractive guy, and he's like into a whole groupie thing with whips and things, don't ask me, and Frank got this great idea, actually he gets this great idea for me, to have Aynsley in the Hollywood Ranch Market, which we just did last night, hit him with toilet brushes. It's, it's a little dumb but I went along with it, you know, what else are you gonna do? You're getting paid and uh, you do these things.
[13:19]
Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . .
Aynsley: Hello, there!
Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . .
Aynsley: Say, could you do me a favour? Could you beat me with a toilet brush?
Phyllis: Beat you with a toilet brush?
Aynsley: Shhh . . . someone might hear . . . yes, beat me with a toilet brush.
Phyllis: What's your name?
Aynsley: Ah, hello, my name is Aynsley Dunbar and I, I'm very interested in whips and canes, etc. I'm gonna fill, fill you in about uh, my background.
FZ: Are you absolutely serious about this? You really like whips and canes?
Aynsley: Oh yeah, yeah.
FZ: And you like-?
Aynsley: I didn't have too much chance to use 'em here, as yet, because it's, you know the screams and that, would most likely wake the kids up! No, actually I'm moving on though to toilet brushes and things, 'cause I think they'll be coming in this year . . . definitely.
Phyllis: You want me to beat you with the toilet brush?
Aynsley: Yes.
Phyllis: I mean like uh, I'm ready!
[14:37]
Phyllis: You know, I'll tell you something, I find myself saying, 'I'm ready,' you know, and like, I slap my face when I'm saying, 'I'm ready,' because it's like uh, in the house I'm saying, 'I'm ready,' you know? And . . . there has to be a limit.
Phyllis: That's a whip, I guessed right, you know I saw this handle sticking up here and I like, I, I guessed it right on first, you know? Like I know . . .
FZ: Beat him while you're talking.
Phyllis: You know like . . . I tell you something. I hope it's not getting your kidney or anything like that.
Aynsley: Oh look, keep, keep, just keep it high, just keep it high.
Phyllis: You know what I mean? I got worried about those things, I got . . . you know I'm humane, Aquarius and all this . . .
Aynsley: That's great . . . that's. . .
Phyllis: Venus is arising, you know, I'm humane.
Aynsley: Just keep it high. Oh, love it, yeah, right.
Phyllis: Uhm . . . well, let's see . . .
FZ: Ask him, 'Does it get you hot?'
Phyllis: Is it getting you hot?
Aynsley: Oh, maybe it would do if I had another 'bout fifteen people.
[15:20]
Don: I know what gets you hot. Hamburgers get you hot, 'cause I picked you up in the pool hall!
Phyllis: You don't know what gets me hot, you don't have the faintest idea what gets me hot!
Don: Sure! Hamburgers! Look at this . . .
Phyllis: I can't take it . . .
Don: See that?
Phyllis: I can't take it . . . oh, God, that hamburger!
Don: But you don't know what gets me hot.
Phyllis: I'd bet I know what gets you hot. Sticks, sticks on your body on a table get you hot.
Don: I'm getting hot! . . . When I was drinking the potion . . . and that hat and that cape and everything . . . just incredible . . . I'd . . . wonder what it's like to, to change into a monster . . . it must be really great.
Phyllis: It's just so wonderful. Give me a bite of the apple there . . . Mmm, oh, my monster! Oh, that's so terr- Oh! I love that, when a monster does that, mm . . . Well, I've just been thinking, monster, we can take rides in the country in the Volkswagen . . . and, my monster, you're feeling me up, my monster.
FZ: It does get you hot.
Phyllis: Well . . . it doesn't get me hot.
FZ: I saw you laying on the floor in the corner with him!
Phyllis: I, it wasn't me laying in the corner! That was, that wasn't me!
FZ: Ha ha . . . Who was it?
Phyllis: That was Sheba! It wasn't me!
FZ: Who is Sheba? Ha ha!
Phyllis: Sheba is the one that's in love with Don.
[17:09]
Don: And why, why do you like monsters?
Phyllis: It's, it's not their looks, it's the intellectual thing that comes across, you know, you could tell that, I, looks aren't important to me, it's something about the intelligence. When you mix that potion, you know when I've seen you mix that potion, I don't know, it's the intellectual way I get hot.
Don: Yeah, but what causes this?
Phyllis: You know what I mean?
Don: I mean, well . . .
Phyllis: It's, it's hotness.
[17:39]
Phyllis: It used to be very, it was really nice and quiet in this place, that's why I came here, because of the feeling like, like a place to get away from things, and now what's going on, it's like all noise and . . . I don't know, it doesn't . . . wherever you go nowadays it's the same thing, all these guys they're so disgusting, I can't stand it . . .
Don: Look, anybody . . . anybody sitting here?
Phyllis: No! Go right ahead, sit down!
Don: Thanks. Anybody drinking this beer in here?
Phyllis: No, I don't know what the bartender . . . he just left it there, I don't know what's going on . . .
Don: My name is Biff Debris.
Phyllis: Oh, hi! Sheba Flieschman.
Don: How d'you do?
Phyllis: So and uh, your name is Biff Debris.
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: You know, funny thing, if we got married my name would be Sheba DeBiff.
Don: My name is Biff Debris, not Debris DeBiff.
Phyllis: Debris?
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: Biff Debris . . . well, I'll tell you something, I once knew someone whose name was Dubois. It, it sort of sounds like Debris, you know what I mean? Like, is that French, or what?
Don: Well, actually I'm part Mohawk and part Norwegian.
Phyllis: Excuse me. Is the hamburger ready yet?
Don: What sign are you?
Phyllis: Uh, I'm Aquarius with Venus rising on my past.
Don: Really?
Phyllis: Yeah. It's really good sign because it's the Aquarian age now, you know? And like, it's all coming together. You know what I mean by coming together?
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: I think since I came from New York, you know, I'm really . . .
Don: Are you from New York?
Phyllis: Yeah, you can't tell! Huh?
Don: No . . .
Phyllis: I tell you something, so it really means that I'm losing my accent, you know, because the other day I was talking to someone and they couldn't guess either, well, I asked them, I said to them, 'Where do you think I'm from?' And you know they said, they said, 'New Jersey,' you know, so, and New Jersey accent is really completely different, you know? Like, it depends so, if you come from Patterson, it's different from Trenton and Orange County, but you know, I say 'Orange' like this, 'Orange,' 'cause that's in California they say, 'Orange,' you know?
Don: What's the, what's the matter with uh, Debris?
Phyllis: That's one thing I stayed away from.
Don: Alright, you're free . . .
Phyllis: I think that you can really be high on your own intellectual stratification.
Don: Hamburgers.
Phyllis: Don't say hamburgers, it gets me so hot . . .
Don: But you don't know what gets me hot, you see . . .
Phyllis: I know what gets you hot!
Don: No, no . . .
Phyllis: I saw it in the pool hall
Don: You saw that?
Phyllis: Yeah!
Don: That isn't what does it, you see. It really isn't.
Phyllis: Well, well, what is it? You know, like if it's not that, then what is it?
Don: Well . . .
Phyllis: Well, don't be embarrassed! You can tell me, you know? Like I'm . . .
Don: Showers.
Phyllis: Showers?
Don: Showers.
Phyllis: Well, okay, you know, I can go see that, I can see, I can understand showers.
Don: Not, not nude showers.
Phyllis: What you mean not nude showers?
Don: It's gotta be a special shower, you know.
Phyllis: What kind of shower?
Don: With these special clothes on it.
Phyllis: You mean, you wear clothes when you . . . ?
Don: These clothes! These are the clothes . . .
Phyllis: These are the clothes that you . . . ?
Don: Right here . . .
Phyllis: There are clothes in there for me for the shower?
[20:47]
Phyllis: Say he devised this plan, this is how this clothes and the shower thing all came by, because I was too embarrassed to stand in the shower. First roll, you know, I'm not gonna be standing naked but, the whole thing's taking out, so I figured, 'Okay, I'll wear dungarees and a shirt.' And, and anyway to tell you the truth I think it's sexier because, you see like just a little outline . . . tiny little bit, you know, like, poinnnng!
Phyllis: I don't understand it, but it's like . . .
Don: I mean . . .
Phyllis: It's your trip, man! You know? Like, it's alright with me, you know? I don't care.
Don: And this children's belt with the little holes in it. Look at those pants!
Phyllis: Ooh, but what has this . . . do with the holes! I mean, you know, like I hope they fit up.
Don: It'll be good . . .
Phyllis: You know, like, okay, I'll try, I don't care, I'll try anything!
[21:26]
FZ: Hi, Phyllis, why don't you want to take your clothes off with the monster?
Phyllis: Because I'm embarrassed to.
FZ: What's there to be embarrassed about?
Phyllis: Well, I've never done that before, and I don't wanna do it now!
FZ: But why don't you wanna do it?
Phyllis: I'd rather not. There's no reason, I'd just rather not.
FZ: But what's the matter? You got an ugly body?
Phyllis: No, I have a great body. I just don't wanna do it.
FZ: But why don't you wanna do it if you've got a great body? Don't you wanna share it with the world?
Phyllis: No, I don't wanna share it with the world.
Phyllis: So I did it, and it was, I tell you, I was getting hot, see my shirt?
Phyllis: I'm ready! I got the shirt, I got the pants, and I got the belt with that little yellow holes, you know? And I'm hot!
Don: And I got the bun and the hamburger and the relish and the orange and I've got my clothes off and I'm hot!
Phyllis: Oh, come on!
Don: You know how many times we . . . ? I go down to Mr. Pocket three times a week, trying to find somebody that'll wear these clothes in the shower.
Phyllis: How do they look on me?
Don: Oh . . .
Phyllis: You like it?
Don: They're great, you know. I had those clothes in the refrigerator for about two months now.
Phyllis: Where is the hamburger? Just give me a bite, mmh . . . it's so great, you don't meet guys . . .
Don: Oh, it's disgusting . . .
Phyllis: You don't meet guys who get you off with hamburgers, I'm saying I'm really happy that mmmm . . .
Don: Oh, the two of us really make a great couple!
Phyllis: I know, me with my clean clothes and the hamburger and everything like that, well, you know, we can go places.
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: You want me to wash your hair? While you, just hold the hamburger first, you know, while I wash your hair . . .
Don: Do you want me to wash it to you?
Phyllis: Well, I don't know, I wasn't planning on it, it's alright, you can wash my back . . . mm, so nice the shower . . .
Don: I can't bear it.
Phyllis: Especially, especially, especially if you . . .
Don: Some people are really weird.
Phyllis: Pull it on my back, just a little bit, it won't, it won't hurt, just a little bit over there, this side, it's terrific, with the hamburger.
[23:21]
Phyllis: Hamburger meat . . . Hhhh . . . Oh . . .
FZ: Wouldn't that be better if you had your clothes off then you can uh, enforce him on your arms?
Phyllis: No, I . . . don't need my clothes off, I can get the gratification that I want just like this.
Phyllis: Oh, doesn't that feel good, oh, it's so great. I'm so glad that I met you today . . .
Don: Mmmm . . .
Phyllis: And this hamburger . . .
Don: Do you mind if I rub some of this in your hair?
Phyllis: Oh I don't mind, let me just take out that little thing here, mmm . . .
Don: Oh, boy . . .
Phyllis: A little bit, wait, it's, but I don't know, do you have cream rinse here? . . . this strip I won't be able to . . .
Don: Cream rinse?
Phyllis: Yeah . . . 'cause I . . .
Don: Eugh!
Phyllis: I won't be, let me see how it feels with the soap.
FZ: Whi-whi-which parts get you the hottest that can be rushed with the hamburger?
Phyllis: Well I think uh . . . what part!
Don: Oh, I love this with hamburgers under the clothes.
[24:12]
Don: You're getting hot, come on.
Phyllis: Oh, am I hot, over this hamburger! Oh, I think of my uh . . .
Don: For a hundred dollars you're getting hot.
Phyllis: Oh, am I hot! I'm so hot! Hhh . . . I'm so hot from this hamburger, oh . . .
FZ: Get hot!
Phyllis: I'm so hot!
FZ: Under, under . . . Ha ha ha ha!
Don: Undulate.
FZ: Look!
Don: You . . . it's getting better.
Phyllis: Where's the hamburger? Just . . . those . . .
FZ: Hamburgers with soap are good.
Phyllis: Ha-a . . . let me take a little bite, mmm . . . delicious! Let me put it in here so I don't loose it. I don't wanna in case I wanna little piece after, could you do my back?
Don: Oh yeah . . .
Phyllis: Underneath the shirt, don't be bashful, I, oh, I know it makes you hot, like if you keep . . .
Don: Yeah, I like the shirt better. I'll wash the shirt.
Phyllis: Oh, let me take a little bit of the hamburger
FZ: Ha ha!
Phyllis: You know, the last guy that I was with he just had Ground Choc, you know what Ground Choc tastes like in the shower, man . . .
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!
Don: Oh . . .
Phyllis: This is odd meat, where did you get this?
FZ: Ha ha ha!
Phyllis: Just like the health food stuff, are you a health food person? You know, like . . .
Don: No, I am Uncle Meat!
Phyllis: You are Uncle Meat?
[25:24]
Phyllis: And because you're the main man with the burgers . . .
FZ: 'And the burger's my trip.'
Phyllis: And the burger's my trip and is such a groove, I wanna show my appreciation and I wanna clean your bathroom . . . the cleanser . . .
FZ: 'I am going to the Hollywood Ranch . . . '
Phyllis: I'm going to the Hollywood Ranch Market and I'm gonna buy the cleanser.
Don: And because you have worn the clothes . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: That got me hot, the shirt . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: The pants and the little brown belt, children's belt with the holes in it . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: I will . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: Accept your offer to go to the Hollywood Ranch Market . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: And get the cleanser and clean my bathroom.
[26:06]
Janet: He's from that group Cleanser. He looks pretty kinky. Too bad we didn't have our garters on.
Janet & Lucy: EEEEEEEUH!
Janet: Oh, what do you expect from work in this joint.
Lucy: Ooh Janet, he has a vibrator! Now, ooh . . . Eeeuhh! Ha ha ha! Ah . . . ah . . . aaaaaaAAAAH! Ooh wha . . . ooh! Hhh . . . aaahhh . . .
[26:44]
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, where we have been working secretly on a new composition in the back room, in our secret chambers. 'Cause everything is secret. We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world, you see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems, so we have to get a composition and, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single, because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . .
FZ: 'You remember our other single 'The Bun'?'
Don: Yeah, you remember our other single, 'The Bun'? See, this, this was our last composition . . .
Aynsley: Plugging it in . . .
Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh, some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see? But we got it all straightened out and, some of them quit and everything but . . .
Aynsley?: A few holes in the Brothers . . .
Don: Uh, with our new arrangement we really hope to do big things, you know? Like we hope to change every single person's karma and that in turn will change and upgrade all the ecology problems, all the polution and all the air and everything, you know? And this right here is the composition I was speaking of and uh, this is the guitar part, this is the vocal, this is the bass part, and this little section over here could be for the dancer, but she keeps quitting all the time so we don't really know uh, if she's gonna be in it which she is now or just take it out like that. Now, it's very difficult to compose this type of thing, because like, the slightest movement that you can make of one single article could define whether it's underground or real commercial, see? If we put the sock over here it's more commercial than if it were over here, then it's real underground, you understand? So we take you now to the motel, where the group is deep in . . . just deep.
[28:56]
Motorhead: . . . straightest member is the writer, you know what I . . .
Don: Hey, listen you guys, I would like just . . .
Meredith: These guys can work together.
Don: Talk about the arrangement here
Aynsley: How about that new drum solo you just worked out?
Don: I've got a new composition.
Meredith: It's rhythmic, huh?
Motorhead: Now that's beautiful.
Don: Listen . . . Silence, fools! . . . SILENCE, FOOLS! Don't you believe in progress?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ?: Take that progress and stick it under a rock!
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead: Outta site! That's outta site!
Meredith: That's beautiful!
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using . . .
Don: That's what we need for our new song.
Meredith: That was a good composition!
Motorhead: We got it!
Aynsley: Can you write one like that then?
Don: I did! Well . . .
Ray?: You would? I mean . . .
Don: At last night, that's . . .
Ray: That's when he starts in with the guitar . . . ?
Don: Now look . . .
Ray: Then he comes in with his guitar solo?
Don: You guys, do you see this over here?
Ray: Why does he have this?
Don: Can you see this over here? This is the new composition that we're going to make a hit single with.
Aynsley: What's it called, 'Junk Shuffle'?
Don: No . . .
Ray: 'Junkyard.'
Aynsley: What's it called?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: It's called 'We're using the chicken to measure it.'
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Don: Right, 'We're using the chicken to measure it.' Well, I couldn't get a chicken, I, all I got was . . .
Motorhead: That would be the title. Ray's got a chicken.
Aynsley: Yeah!
Motorhead: You can use Ray's chicken to measure it.
Don: But uh . . .
FZ: No, no, that's part of the concept, you're using the chicken to measure the pitch in?
Aynsley: It's what I choose.
Don: Oh, I see, yeah, are we using the chicken to measure it?
Motorhead: Or drumming?
Don: I'll show you, this is . . .
Ray: How about a sock?
Motorhead: I thought it was cooler.
Don: This is the guitar part, right here.
Motorhead: Then let me see . . .
Aynsley: Pull her.
Motorhead: It's that what I play? That's my part.
Don: That's your part.
Motorhead: Oh, that A . . .
Don: And this is a new concept.
Motorhead: I can't learn that by tomorrow, man, there's no way.
Don: Tonight.
Motorhead: I can't learn it tonight!
Don: Listen, I got the time booked.
Motorhead: I can't even . . .
Aynsley: Tonight? OW!
Don: At the Hollywodd Ranch Market tonight, man!
Meredith: That's pretty heavy, man.
Aynsley: But tonight?!
Meredith: That's pretty heavy . . .
Motorhead: My strings are flat, my pickups are shot, do Herbie wouldn't give us an advance so I can buy some new strings and an amp?
Don: Listen, I'll take care of everything.
[30:52]
Don: You see, Countess, the problem is uh, it's very hard to talk about but, the guys need equipment, you know like he needs batteries and uh, and, and uh, needs strings for his guitar, you know? And, and some of the electronic equipment needs boosting and uh, we have a good prog and everything, you know? I just wanted to find out if we could get any awr . . . nng . . . gnn . . . Do you have a pencil and a paper? Uh huh . . . thanks . . .
Francesca: Royalties?
Don: GNG! MMnnnngrgGGL! Sorry, would you mind not using that word? It's a . . .
Francesca: Who cares about royalties?
Don: Grrah!
Francesca: Look, I've seen everybody around, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Arthur Brown, and his fire and his head . . . Oh, man, I've never got so hot as long, I've ever got so hot until I started to, to use the chicken head to measure it with it.
[32:25]
Guy From Alabama: We must say it in Alabama language, man, I can't understand.
Another 'Guy From Alabama': Playing that kind of music and eating meat, you'll never . . .
Aynsley: I say . . . I say . . .
Guy From Alabama: (unintelligible shouting)
Aynsley: I say, old boy, you speak english?
Guy From Alabama: Hey man, you got any peas or beans or anything like that?
[32:38]
Don: You have to admit this is different.
Motorhead: Oh I hate . . . that's a drum, that's gotta be a drum.
Don: I mean . . . I know what it's like, to me the idea of being commercial is doing something different.
Meredith: Bet that one's a heavy one . . .
Carl: The way they feed . . .
Don: You know? Something people can . . . can . . .
Carl: WAH!
Don: It's not the same old thing.
Aynsley: Hey, but that, that isn't a . . .
Meredith: Have to practise . . .
Aynsley: No!
Carl: WAH!
Don: NO!
Motorhead: Look out!
Ray: Oh . . .
Don: That's it, Ray . . .
Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . .
Don: Now, use the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . .
Aynsley: Biff, man, how does that fit into the part, though . . . heavy like that . . .
Meredith: And what is after into that my part there?
Don: This is the music.
Meredith: Where? where?
Don: This, the whole thing is the music.
Meredith: Ah, but how does that one fit into all . . .
Aynsley: But there's no head, man.
Meredith: But how does that fit into all that?
Aynsley: Oh yeah, there's . . .
Ray: Are you using a chicken to measure it?
Meredith: What's the concept of this?
Motorhead: There's no way we can play it.
Meredith: What's the concept of this number?
Don: Look, look . . .
Motorhead: Not by tonight, man! It can't be done.
Aynsley: Let me . . . anyway, man, I'm going out tonight, you know, I've got a few chicks to meet.
Motorhead: I'm going to hear the Fudge.
Don: You guys, if you wanna make a hit single and I mean, a hit single.
Aynsley: Yeah, but all I'm saying is as long as you pay us well, I just don't wanna know.
Don: Well, you'll get royalties.
Motorhead: You gotta get some royalties, man!
Aynsley: Royalties?
Don: Listen, you can't . . .
Ray: A monster!
Phyllis: I'm wet . . . hamburger . . .
Meredith: This is turning too confusing, I just can't understand what all this is about, it's so confusing!
Phyllis: My monster!
Don: WARrrGH!
Phyllis: My monster! I'm ready! I got the pants, I got the shirt, I got the belt with the little yellow holes!
[33:46]
Phyllis: I can't get enough of that stuff, mmm!
FZ: 'We're coming to the beginning of a new era, at the motel.'
Phyllis: Look at this over there, look . . . mmm mm . . .
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, we have been working secretly . . .
Phyllis: Obviusly still, still the best.
Don: . . .on a new composition in the back room . . .
Phyllis: I love when he always did that . . .
Don: . . . in our secret chambers.
Phyllis: Then changed into . . . I remember that . . .
Don: 'Cause everything is secret.
Phyllis: For twelve years he's still working on the same song, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Don: We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world.
Phyllis: Still kinda get that 'The Bun' thing. I gotta stop this, it's not good anymore.
Don: You see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems.
Phyllis: Because after all we've got kids now.
Don: So we have to get a composition.
Phyllis: And we can't, he can't do this anymore, it's another whole life.
Don: And, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single.
Phyllis: But, I can't help it, I mean he's irresistible. The guy is irresistible.
Don: Because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . .
Phyllis: Look at that face, over there . . .
FZ: 'You remember our other single 'The Bun'?'
Don: Yeah, you rem-
Phyllis: Look at that, right that, right there . . . mmm . . .
Don: Our other single, 'The Bun'? See, this, this was our last composition . . .
Phyllis: Oh, God! Oh, I remember that too . . . yeah . . .
Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh . . .
Phyllis: Look at this, when he did that at the fare . . .
Don: Some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see?
Phyllis: No . . . it's better, I'll tell you something . . .
Don: But we got it all straightened out.
Phyllis: I don't know, I have to think about this, 'cause I gotta tell him. Ah! I'll go back! I can't be bother 'cause my mind it's too, it's too crazy, it's going, it's driving me nuts already, I have to think about work, I have to think about him, I have to think about . . .
Stumuk: Maybe I oughta face it, after twelve years 'The Bun' just isn't a hit. Maybe I'm approaching it wrong. Look at him, a musician, a natural musician. This Motorcity was a serious little boy. Liked to pull down the shades before helping her with the dishes.
Massimo: And that's why it didn't sell. Look at this . . .
Phyllis: Oh, look at that! I remember -let me stop that and see how the fume was coming out of his mouth, and the way the lips, the lips, so beautiful and the hamburger . . .
Massimo: Try to do something like that.
Stumuk: Like that?
Massimo: Maledetto figlio di puttana.
FZ: He's on television set.
Massimo: E non cagarmi il cazzo.
Stumuk: A non cacarmil catzo.
Massimo: 'Cause I have a big bunch of minchia!
Stumuk: A big bunch of minchia!
Phyllis: It's great you're learning Italian, I love . . . That's what I want! More, a little culture, it's enough already with 'The Bun'!
Stumuk: I had, I had to change it. It wasn't right.
Massimo: These fucking things didn't work, I don't know why. Maybe, can you see all these little points, white points, on these fucking things? You have to know that . . .
Stumuk: Can you see?
Massimo: . . . all this stuff . . .
Stumuk: Everybody's using the chicken to measure it with nowadays, even my kids!
Massimo: . . . come from my nose, and maybe people didn't like it.
Stumuk: No more the sock . . .
Massimo: And I just don't know why . . .
Stumuk: But 'The Bun,' the placement of 'The Bun.' It has seeds. It's different.
Massimo: I just can't imagine why they didn't like these balls that come from my nose, you know? This way, tshh! And I spent a lot of years of my life to do something like that, these fucking things, and it didn't work. What can I say?
Guy From Alabama: Far fucking out! Far fucking out!
Linda: Hee hee hee hee!
Rodney: Ah! I can dig it!
Guy From Alabama: DONG! DONG! I mean dong, that's what your minchia is!
Aynsley: Your which?
Guy From Alabama: A minchia!
Aynsley: You mean your dick?
Guy From Alabama: You put your minchia in the stinky-a.
Massimo: And you know why? 'Cause I have a big bunch of dick! Tengo una minchia tanta! And this part of the lesson, I'm sorry, but you can't learn, 'cause Mother Nature didn't make you Italian.

Top Frank Zappa, Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up

Top Frank Zappa, They Made Me Eat It

Girl #1: What's it like when . . . when they play the piano? Does it hurt your ears?
Larry: No, I found a corner
Girl #1: Yeah
Larry: Yeah
Girl #1: Soundproof
Larry: Well, not really soundproof but it doesn't bother you as much as outside . . . you you sneak in
Girl #1: Lucky you found such a big piano, you know
Larry: You sneak under the back, see? Way here down here. Get way down here here inside and when you hide in the corner, nobody can find you. See, they can't hear nothing 'cause it's cushioned

Top Frank Zappa, Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas

Top Frank Zappa, How The Pigs' Music Works

Spider: I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
Monica: Well, this should be interesting
Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light
John: Yeah
Monica: O.K.
Spider: And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
Monica: Right
John: Yeah?
Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split
Monica: Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
Spider: No, it isn't like that
John: Well, how does it work?
Spider: Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke
John: And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
Spider: See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
John: And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
Monica: You know we've got something here
John: And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . .
Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it

Top Frank Zappa, How's Your Bird'

(You dirty fink!)
Hey Baby,
What's the word?
Hey Baby,
Have you heard?
What's the latest?
How's your bird?
How's your brother?
An' how's your mother?
How's Aunt Funny?
And how's your granny?
This is absurd.
How's your bird?
-(Excuse me...)
How's your bunion?
An' how's your grunion?
Now I'm stuck.
Lots o' luck.
This is absurd.
How's your bird?
How's your fern?
-(I don't love you...)
An' how's your ear lobe?
How's your nose?
-(You dirty fink!)
And your elbow?
An' how's your foot?
-(...natural fink! Find out...)
Don't forget your sister.
An' you know, like I said...

Top Frank Zappa, Hot Poop

Top Frank Zappa, How Could I Be Such A Fool (In Album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets)

Top Frank Zappa, I Don't Wanna Get Drafted

I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you
I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set
You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold
That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial
Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

Top Frank Zappa, I Had A Dream About That

Gilly: I had a dream about that once
Girl #2: You did?
Gilly: Yeah
Girl #2: Then you must be me
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me
Spider: Wait a minute! I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . .

Top Frank Zappa, I Could Be A Star Now

What do you do ... you join the Mothers and you end up working for Zappa.
And he makes you be a creep.
You could have played the blues with John Mayall or far out exciting jazz with Blood,Sweat & Tears.
You really think so.
Look, no-one will ever take you seriously after this.
How can they take you seriously.
Look in this business ... you either go to play the blues or sing with a high voice.
You right! I should never have joined the Mothers!

Top Frank Zappa, I Don't Know If I Can (Go Through This Again)

Oh man, I don't know if I can go through this again!

Top Frank Zappa, Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)

FZ: Good evening, ladies & gentlemen, welcome to The Mothers Of Invention Extravaganza for Sydney, Australia, 1976. And tonight featuring the dynamic Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals . . .
Napoleon: Wen-a-hena-hena-hean (Hel-l-l-lp me!)
FZ: The probably overheated later in the program André Lewis on keyboards, the extremely susceptible to increases in tempo tiny skinny foxy little cute little available tonight to each and everyone of the ladies in the audience, and maybe some of the other persons that might be interested in him, little skinny Terry "Ted" Bozzio on drums. And last, but not least, Roy Ralph Moleman Guacamole Guadalupe Hidalgo Estrada on bass.

Top Frank Zappa, Hot & Putrid

Spider: The hotter the sound is, the more putrid it smells. I've discovered that to be true in almost every case that I've experienced
Mike: What are you talking about?

Top Frank Zappa, Briefcase Boogie

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
HARRY: (to THING-FISH)
Anything you say, master! Take me, I'm yours!
RHONDA: (Broadway-style fake singing)
Jingle bells, Jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every day, oh...
THING-FISH:
Oooh, lawd! Lookit you, boy! Chain thoo de nipples 'n evvy goddam thing! You a sick white muthafucker, ain'tcha?
RHONDA:
Bells on bob-tail ring,
Making spirits bright!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every night, oh...
HARRY:
For Chrissake, RHONDA! Have you no SHAME?
THING-FISH:
Y'all make up y'mind yet, 'bouts de MAMMY o' yo' dreams?
HARRY:
You bet! I've waited ALL MY LIFE for this moment! My heart is fluttering! If only I could submit myself on approval, for a limited time only...to ...to that nasty little rubber MAMMY on your knee...
THING-FISH:
SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X'? De mys'try SISTER? Y'all wants t'party hearty with de min'yature rubber MAMMY wit de string out de back? Yow! Dintcha get 'nuff 'buse fum de other bitch when y'was livin' in de card-bo'd hut?
RHONDA:
HARRY...HARRY...hey! HARRY! Fucking wor-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! I want a DIVORCE, HARRY!
HARRY:
Not now, dearest, PLEASE! This is serious! Little MAMMY, what'll it be? Hips or lips?
HARRY snatches SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X' away from THING-FISH, bashing himself with it in an irrational manner.
RHONDA un-zips the Santa Claus costume, revealing the rubber body suit, hoping for some sign of interest from her deranged husband. There isn't any...he's beating the fuck out of himself and loving every minute of it.
She squeezes her rubber tits, as if to squirt them at him. Still no interest.
RHONDA:
You're a wor-r-r-r-mmmmmmm! A fucking WOR-R-R-R-M-M-M-M-MMMMMMMMMMM! These are my TITS, HARRY! I have TITS! Look! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY WONDERFUL TITS, YOU FUCKING WOR-R-R-R-R-MMMMMMMM! I'm going to pretend I'm SQUIRTING THEM ON YOU! Whoo! Wheeeee! ALMOST GOTCHA!
HARRY:
Not now, RHONDA! Ow! Oof! Oh, I love this! Hurt me! Hurt me! Oh, pull my chain, you tiny potato-headed whatchamacallit!
RHONDA:
They're almost squirting, HARRY! Look! Look! Whoooooo! Whooooo! Whoooo! You fucking worm!
THING-FISH:
OB'DEWLLA! Is y'awright? Don't be pullin' de boy's chain too hard dere! He gots 'nuthuh show t'do t'morrow! Don't put dat in yo' MOUF, girl! I knows y'cain hep y'seff wit dat crazy muthafucker 'busin' you like dat, but jes' hang on a lil' longuh...he be droppin' de wad putty soon now!
RHONDA: (pinching her nipples, jiggling her tits)
Jingle bells, jingle bells...
HARRY:
Oh! This is divine!
RHONDA:
This is my PUSSY, HARRY! Look! See it? You know what I'm gonna do with it, you worm? I'm gonna make it FUCK SOMETHING! That's right! You won't get any of it...because you're DISGUSTING! An' I don't need you, MR. FIRST-NIGHTER! My wonderful, wonderful pussy doesn't need you! I have my BRIEFCASE, HARRY! I'm going to FUCK MY BRIEFCASE! I'm going to...look! Look at this! I got it right over here! There! See it? My BIG, BROWN, BRIEFCASE! MY BRIEFCASE! It's BIG, HARRY! It's full of BUSINESS PAPERS...from MY CAREER!
A tan and brown briefcase, seven feet tall, is lowered in. FRANCESCO watches it land near his window. He exits the bungalow with a can of Crisco and a violin case. n pantomime, he cautiously interrupts RHONDA'S monologue, suggesting that she examine the contents of the case. It contains a strap-on dildo of such ridiculous proportions that a chain leading from just behind the head of it must be hooked to a leather dog collar around RHONDA'S neck, in order to hold it up. FRANCESCO recommends the Crisco as a lubricant, daubs on a bit with a miniature doll's foot, finally indicating that she conceal her pubic hair with a cardboard box, in the manner preferred by famous singing Christians.
RHONDA reaches inside the briefcase and locates her 'SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES' (with tiny doll arms reaching out through tiny cardboard boxes), and puts them on.
She reaches in again and finds an artificial hamburger with a red ribbon on it. She mounts it on top of her head, tying the ribbon in a neat bow below her chin. Ready at last, she humps the briefcase vigorously.
RHONDA: (contd.)
I'm gonna put my GLASSES ON, HARRY! I'm gonna put my hair up in a BUN! Then, I'm going FUCK FUCK FUCK! Ha-ha-ha-hahhhhh! Look! See me? See how I got my hair up? Whooo! I'm REALLY DOING IT! Unngh! Unngh!
HARRY:
RHONDA...have you no SHAME! Keep the briefcase closed, for chrissake! All your documents are falling out!
RHONDA: (as over-sized file folders emerge)
Unngh! I'm GOOD! Oh God I'm good! Harder! Faster! Unngh! Unngh! This is TERRIFIC! Boy, I need it so bad...
HARRY:
Those are the Warner Brothers files, aren't they dear? Don't you think there'll be some questions about the condition of the blue paper?
THING-FISH:
Girl! Bes' be careful wit de latch!
RHONDA: (with the handle in her mouth, semi-intelligible)
I'm sucking the handle now, HARRY! Look! Mmmmmm! It tastes GOOD! Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm! The handle! The handle!
HARRY:
Hurt me, OB'DEWLLA! Make me whimper and beg for your tiny rubber love!
After nibbling on it as if it were a giant piece of corn-on-the-cob, THING-FISH hands RHONDA an oversized pink fountain pen with her name on the clip.
RHONDA:

Top Frank Zappa, Artificial Rhonda

Top Frank Zappa, Elvis Has Just left The Building

Top Frank Zappa, Dickie's Such An Asshole

Top Frank Zappa, Jezebel Boy

Top Frank Zappa, Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Mike Keneally (guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Walt Fowler (trumpet)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Paul Carman (alto saxophone)
Albert Wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt McGettrick (baritone saxophone)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Eric Buxton (vocals)
There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three-foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
(In the name of The Lord)
Get a clue, little shrew
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk
Did he really choose Tammy to do His Work?
Robertson says that he's The One
Oh sure he is,
if Armageddon
Is your idea of family fun,
An' he's got some planned for you!
(Now, tell me that ain't true)
Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay,
Will Pat let Jimbo get away?
Everything we've heard him say
Indicated that Jim must pay,
(And it just might hurt a bit)
But keep that money rollin' in,
'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo
Can't get enough of it
Perhaps it's their idea
Of an Affirmative Action Plan
To give White Trash a 'special break';
Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank!
And every night we can hear them thank
Their Buddy, up above
For sending down his love
(While you all smell the glove)
Jim and Pat should take a pole
(Right up each saintly glory-hole),
With tar and feathers too --
Just like they'd love to do to you
('Cause they think you are bad --
And they are very mad)
'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school!
(We'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate,
And 'Jimbo-Jimbo' when they graduate)
Conviced they are 'The Chosen Ones' --
And all their parents carry guns,
And hold them cards in the N.R.A.
(With their fingers on the triggers
When they kneel and pray)
With a Ku-Klux muu-muu
In the back of the truck,
If you ain't Born Again,
They wanna mess you up, screamin':
"No abortion, no-siree!"
"Life's too precious, can't you see!"
(What's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me --
Would THEY do THAT...seriously?)
Imagine if you will
A multi-millionaire Television Evangelist,
Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator
Studied Law --
But is not qualified to practice it
Father of a "love child"
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program
Claims not to be a "Faith Healer",
But has, in the past,
Dealt stearnly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes
Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in Central America
Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends
Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes',
(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.)
Claims to be a MAN OF GOD;
Currenty seeking the United States Presidency,
Hoping we will all follow him into --
The Twilight Zone
What if Pat gets in the White House,
And suddenly --
The rights of 'certain people' disappear
Mysteriously?
Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an American Tragedy?
(Especially if he covers it up, sayin'
"Jesus told it to me!")
I hope we never see that day,
In The Land of The Free --
Or someday will we?
Will we?
And if you don't know by now,
The truth of what I'm tellin' you,
Then, surely I have failed somehow --
And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you --
If you let those TV Preachers
Make a monkey out of you!
I said:
"Jesus will think you're a jerk"
And it will be true!
There's an old rugged cross
In the land of cutton --
It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn
And it still smells rotten
Jim and Tammy!
Oh, baby!
You gotta go!

Top Frank Zappa, Clowns On Velvet

Top Frank Zappa, Brown Moses

Top Frank Zappa, No Not Now (in album Thing-fish)

Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
THING-FISH:
Wooo! Looka-dat! A big ol' truck, 'n a box uh NODOZ...'n ovuh deah, a greazy ol' dinuh, where yo rubber bitch kin reassume part-time employment in her former professium: slingin' hash in de directium o' de blue-collar community!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now
THING-FISH:
Yep! Hafta do it now!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now
THING-FISH:
Now's a good a time as any!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now
THING-FISH:
Dis ERMERICA, boy!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now
THING-FISH:
I never promised you no Rose Garden!
ENSEMBLE:
Maybe later
THING-FISH:
Ain't gone be no 'LATER'!
ENSEMBLE:
Maybe later
THING-FISH:
You got a hard row to hoe!
ENSEMBLE:
She say I'm free
THING-FISH:
She not exackly 'FREE'!
ENSEMBLE:
She say I'm free
THING-FISH:
Mo' like 'AVAILABLE FO' A LIMITED TIME ONLY'...
ENSEMBLE:
She say I'm free
THING-FISH:
Fo part-time industrial peruse-ment!
ENSEMBLE:
She say I'm free,
THING-FISH:
Look like ol' Quentim come back to peruse her one mo' time...
ENSEMBLE:
But I like her sister,
THING-FISH:
Wanna 'peruse' her sister, too...
ENSEMBLE:
But I like her sister
THING-FISH:
Dat what dem Gospel Folks dream 'bouts doin' in a dinuh!
ENSEMBLE:
She can't decide
THING-FISH:
Now RHONDA can't decide...
ENSEMBLE:
Whom she wanna ride
THING-FISH:
Ain't been ridin' no salami fum de wimp!
ENSEMBLE:
She can't decide
THING-FISH:
I know she gwine be ridin' sumphin' putty soon...
ENSEMBLE:
Whom she wanna ride
THING-FISH:
Ain't gone be no 'Hobby-Horse' neetuh!
ENSEMBLE:
Tonight
THING-FISH:
She need it tonite!
ENSEMBLE:
Tonight
THING-FISH:
Any minnit now!
ENSEMBLE:
Tonight
THING-FISH:
She so hot, it makin' her apron wrinkle, 'n smoke come pourin' out de back o' dat stupid paper hat!
ENSEMBLE:
She changed her mind
THING-FISH:
Her rubber mind...
ENSEMBLE:
She changed her mind
THING-FISH:
One o' de greatest minds of our time!
ENSEMBLE:
She changed her mind
THING-FISH:
De girl gots 'talent'!
ENSEMBLE:
She changed her mind
THING-FISH:
An' she 'rinse-able', too!
ENSEMBLE:
And I don't blame her
THING-FISH:
I don't blame her fo' rinsin' out what she had in dat mouf!
ENSEMBLE:
And I don't blame her
THING-FISH:
But de bitch gotta earn a livin'!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now (No no not now)
THING-FISH:
Now when she NEEDS it!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now (No no not now)
THING-FISH:
De wimp jes' mights fall asleep at de wheel!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now (No no not now)
THING-FISH:
Git himseff all mashed up...
ENSEMBLE:
No not now (No no not now)
THING-FISH:
An' lookin' like a pancake!
ENSEMBLE:
Maybe later
THING-FISH:
Thass right! It COULD happen later!
ENSEMBLE:
Maybe later
THING-FISH:
Dis de MAMMY NUN SHOW, folks! ANYTHING can happen! Shut up! You needs a vacatium, boy! You gots de 'WHITE LINE FEVUM'! Coupla donuts 'n some cowboy music fix ya right up! Breaker-breaker! Git down wit de 'come-back! Sleepy wimp seek lastin' relationship wit anally-oriented 'luminum sidin' salesman!
ENSEMBLE:
The big ol' hat
THING-FISH:
Wit a big ol' hat!
ENSEMBLE:
The cowboy pants
THING-FISH:
An' some cowboy pants!
ENSEMBLE:
Transcontinental
THING-FISH:
Built like a trans-continentum...
ENSEMBLE:
Hobby horse
THING-FISH:
Hobby-hobby hoss!
ENSEMBLE:
String beans to Utah
THING-FISH:
Thass right!
ENSEMBLE:
String beans to Utah
THING-FISH:
Tonight!
ENSEMBLE:
Ah, the wife!
THING-FISH:
Ah, the wife!
ENSEMBLE:
Oh, the waitress!
THING-FISH:
An' de waitress too!
ENSEMBLE:
Oh, the drive...
THING-FISH:
Oh, 'THE DRIVE'!
ENSEMBLE:
All night long
THING-FISH:
All night long!
ENSEMBLE:
String beans to Utah
THING-FISH:
Yum-yum!
ENSEMBLE:
String beans to Utah Deliver string beans to Utah tonight
THING-FISH:
Giddyup!
ENSEMBLE:
I better go fast Or they won't be all right
THING-FISH:
All right!
ENSEMBLE:
Deliver string beans To Utah tonight
THING-FISH:
Yum-yum!
ENSEMBLE:
Donnie 'n Marie Can both take a bite
THING-FISH:
Bite it, Marie!
ENSEMBLE:
Hawaiian - Hawaiian - Hawaiian Lunch
THING-FISH:
Hawaiian lunch!
ENSEMBLE:
No not now
(No no not now)
No not now
(No no no no not now)
No not now
(No no not now)
No not now
(No no no no not now)
Maybe later
Maybe later
She changed her mind
(She changed her mind)
She changed her mind
(You know she changed her mind)
She changed her mind
(She changed her mind)
She changed her mind
(You know she changed her mind)
And I don't blame her
And I don't blame her
She's sorta wild
(She wild, she wild)
She's sorta wild
(Really wild, really wild)
She's sorta wild
(She wild, she wild)
A crazy child
(Crazy child, crazy child)
Tonight - tonight - tonight
ENSEMBLE: (contd.)
There she goes
THING-FISH:
Ooooh! There she goes!
ENSEMBLE:
Up and down
THING-FISH:
Ooooh! Up and down!
ENSEMBLE:
Ride that bull
THING-FISH:
She's ridin' de bull!
ENSEMBLE:
All around
THING-FISH:
All around!
ENSEMBLE:
The best in town
THING-FISH:
She de best in town!
ENSEMBLE:
Oh she goes
THING-FISH:
She go up, she go down!
ENSEMBLE:
Up and down
THING-FISH:
I said up an' down!
ENSEMBLE:
Oh that bull!
THING-FISH:
De whole bull!
ENSEMBLE:
The whole bull!
THING-FISH:
De WHOLE BULL!
ENSEMBLE:
The whole bull!
THING-FISH:
De whole damn thing!
ENSEMBLE:
The best in town
THING-FISH:
Where she go? Ebzn-sauce!

Top Frank Zappa, Planet Of The Baritone Women

Top Frank Zappa, Harry-As-A-Boy

Top Frank Zappa, Rhymin' Man

Top Frank Zappa, Magic Fingers

Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Ooh, the way you love me, lady,
I get so hard now I could die.
Ooh, the way you love me, sugar,
I get so hard now I could die.
Open up your pocketbook,
get another quarter out,
drop it in the meter, mama
and try me on for size.
Open up your pocketbook,
get another quarter out,
drop it in the meter, mama
and try me on for size.
Ooh, the way you squeeze me, baby,
red balloons just pop behind my eyes.
Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl,
red balloons just pop behind my eyes.
Open up your pocketbook,
get another quarter out,
drop it in the meter, mama
and try me on for size.
Open up your pocketbook,
get another quarter out,
drop it in the meter, mama
and try me on for size.
Mark Volman:
Do you really wanna please me?
Howard Kaylan:
Y'know I do ... baby.
Mark Volman:
Well, tell me why you do it...
I really wanna know.
Howard Kaylan:
Oh no no, I wouldn't be right
for me to tell ya tonight...
Mark Volman:
You better tell me right away
or I'll dress up and go.
Howard Kaylan:
Don't get mad... it ain't no big thing.
Mark Volman:
You better tell me right away,
don't you treat me cold!
Howard Kaylan:
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

Top Frank Zappa, Muffin Man

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Captain Beefheart (harp, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
The Muffin Man is seated at the table in the laboratory of the Utility Muffin
Research Kitchen... Reaching for an oversized chrome spoon he gathers an
intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants and brushing his scapular aside
procceds to dump these inside of his shirt...
He turns to us and speaks:
"SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES BETTER. I FOR ONE CARE LESS FOR THEM!"
Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing
anointment utensil he poots forths a quarter-ounce green rosette (oh ah yuk
yuk... let's try that again...!) He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosette
near the summit of a dense but radiant muffin of his own design.
Later he says:
"SOME PEOPLE... SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES EXCLUSIVELY, WHILE MYSELF, I SAY
THERE IS NAUGHT NOR OUGHT THERE BE NOTHING SO EXALTED ON THE FACE OF GOD'S GREY
EARTH AS THAT PRINCE OF FOODS... THE MUFFIN!"
Girl you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'
Girl you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'
Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax, and lead vocals,
Terry Bozzio on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, Denny Walley on slide, George Duke
on keyboards, Captain Beefheart on vocals, and soprano sax, and madness. Thank
you very much for coming to the concert tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Goodnight

Top Frank Zappa, Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance

Top Frank Zappa, The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jeff Simmons (bass)
George Duke (keyboards)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
"I _(you just fill in the blank)_, do hereby solemnly swear, in accordance with the regulations of the contract with this here rock and roll engagement. And The Imbecilic Laws of the State of Florida, and the respective regulations perpetrated by Red-Necks Everywhere! Do Hereby Solemnly Swear!, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, TO REVEAL MY TUBE, WAD, DINGUS, WEE-WEE, AND OR PENIS ANYPLACE ON THIS STAGE!! THIS does NOT include Private Showings in the motel room, however."

Top Frank Zappa, Tryin' To Grow A Chin

Top Frank Zappa, Big Leg Emma

Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She was my steady date
Until she put on weight
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma My Emma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma-ma-ma
ma-ma My Emma
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
About my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out
She used to knock me out

Top Frank Zappa, Outside Now

Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
These executives have plooked the fuck out of me
And there's still a long time to go before I've
Paid my debt to society.
And all I ever really wanted to do was
Play the guitar n bend the string
like: Reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee
I've got it
I'll be sullen and withdrawn -
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm
Of my own secret thoughts!
I'll lay on my back here til dawn
In a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes
That would irritate
An executive kinda guy . . .
Well, I guess that one did the trick
If they only coulda heard it,
Half-a-dozen of em woulda strangled
While they was suckin on each others dick!
Yeah but that was only a bunch of imaginary
Notes I played -
Just a little extra somethin'
To keep me goin' from day to day,
But thats okay -
I'm gettin' outta here pretty soon -
Then I wont have to live
In this ugly fuckin room
I can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
And I can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
Now listen here
I can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
I mean it
I can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
Outside now
Outside now, yeah
(etc., etc., etc.)

Top Frank Zappa, I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth

Top Frank Zappa, I'm The Slime

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
For somebody else...
but then, on the other hand
I'd Keep the wax N' melt it down
Pluck some Floss N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top
(that's why I'M movin' to Montana)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon...
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line
With a Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I might Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my foot a push...
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the Dennil Floss Bush
N' then I might just Jumb back on
An' ride Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon

Top Frank Zappa, We're Turning Again

Top Frank Zappa, The Downtown Talent Scout

Top Frank Zappa, Lemme Take You To The Beach

Davey Moire (vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Eddie Jobson (keyboards, yodeling)
Max Bennet (bass)
Paul Humphrey (drums)
Don Brewer (bongos)
Lemme take you to the beach
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Lemme take you to the beach
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lahhh
Bring the weenies
I'll bring the soft drinks
And the cookies
Everybody's in love!
Lemme take you to a show
Wo-wo-wo -wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo
Lemme take you to a show
Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo~wo-wohhh
Eat a candy!
You are dandy!
Can I kiss you?
Maybe I'll just hold your hand-eeee!
Lemme take you to the beach again
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Lemme take you to the beach again
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lahhh
At the freak out
Later we'll peak out
You're on restriction

Top Frank Zappa, Murder By Numbers

Top Frank Zappa, Wait A Minute

Listen to him go!
Wait a minute; we gotta get somethin' real happenin' here
He's in there spendin' thousands of dollars 'n' shit...
We should make this worthwhile
We should
We should get into something REAL
Ho ho LEATHER!
No, man, he's not interested in Leather... shit
That shit's been fuckin' rubbed in the ground Hmmmm
Christ, that's goin' on two tours old now...
We gotta come up with some new shit ...

Top Frank Zappa, Variations On The Carlos Santana Secret Chord Progression

FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
Ah . . . e-hem . . .

Top Frank Zappa, Valley Girl

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Roy Estrada (vocals)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
In a clothing store
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a
Like, OH MY GOD! (Valley Girl)
Like - TOTALLY (Valley Girl)
Encino is like SO BITCHEN (Valley Girl)
There's like the Galleria (Valley Girl)
And like all these like really great shoe stores
I love going into like clothing stores and stuff
I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff
It's like so BITCHEN cuz like everybody's like
Super-super nice...
It's like so BITCHEN...
On Ventura, there she goes
She just bought some bitchen clothes
Tosses her head 'n flips her hair
She got a whole bunch of nothin' in there
Anyway, he goes are you into S and M?
I go, oh RIGHT...
Could you like just picture me in like a LEATHER TEDDY
Yeah right, HURT ME, HURT ME...
I'm sure! NO WAY!
He was like freaking me out...
He called me a BEASTIE...
That's cuz like he was totally BLITZED
He goes like BAG YOUR FACE!
I'm sure!
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
So sweet 'n pure
Okay, fine...
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a
It's really sad (Valley Girl)
Like my English teacher
He's like... (Valley Girl)
He's like Mr. BU-FU (Valley Girl)
We're talking Lord God King BU-FU (Valley Girl)
I am SO SURE
He's like so GROSS
He like sits there and like plays with all his rings
And he like flirts with all the guys in the class
It's like totally disgusting
I'm like so sure
It's like BARF ME OUT...
Gag me with a spoon!
Last idea to cross her mind
Had something to do with where to find
A pair of jeans to fit her butt
And where to get her toenails cut
So like I go into this like salon place, y'know
And I wanted like to get my toenails done
And the lady like goes, oh my God, your toenails
Are like so GRODY
It was like really embarrassing
She's like OH MY GOD, like BAG THOSE TOENAILS
I'm like sure...
She goes, uh, I don't know if I can handle this, y'know...
I was like really embarrassed...
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Valley Girl
She's a Valley Girl
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
And there is no cure
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a Valley Girl
And there is no cure
Like my mother is like a total space cadet (Valley Girl)
She like makes me do the dishes and (Valley Girl)
CLEAN the cat box (Valley Girl)
I am sure
That's like GROSS (Valley Girl)
BARF OUT! (Valley Girl)
OH MY GOD (Valley Girl)
Uh-huh... (Valley Girl)
My name?
My name is Ondrya Wolfson (Valley Girl)
Uh-huh
That's right, Ondrya (Valley Girl)
Uh-huh...
I know
It's like... (Valley Girl)
I do not talk funny...
I'm sure (Valley Girl)
Whatsa matter with the way I talk? (Valley Girl)
I am a VAL, I know (Valley Girl)
But I live like in a really good part of Encino so it's okay
(Valley Girl)
Uh-huh... (Valley Girl)
So like, I don't know (Valley Girl)
I'm like freaking out totally (Valley Girl)
Oh my God! (Valley Girl)
Hi - I have to go to the orthodontist (Valley Girl)
I'm getting my braces off, y'know (Valley Girl)
But I have to wear a retainer
That's going to be really like a total bummer
I'm freaking out
I'm SURE
It's like those things that like stick in your mouth
They're so gross...
You like get saliva all over them
But like, I don't know, it's going to be cool, y'know
So you can see my smile
It'll be like really cool
Except my like my teeth are like too small
But NO BIGGIE...
It's so AWESOME
It's like TUBULAR, y'know
Well, I'm not like really ugly or anything
It's just like
I don't know
You know me, I'm like into like the clean stuff
Like PAC-MAN and like, I don't know
Like my mother like makes me do the dishes
It's like so GROSS...
Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates
And it's like, it's like somebody else's food, y'know
It's like GRODY...
GRODY TO THE MAX
I'm sure
It's like really nauseating
Like BARF OUT
GAG ME WITH A SPOON
GROSS
I am SURE

Top Frank Zappa, What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?

Top Frank Zappa, What Ever Happened To All The Fun In The World

Top Frank Zappa, While You Were Out

[FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]

Top Frank Zappa, When No One Was No One

[Guitar solo from Zoot Allures
Sporthalle, Cologne, Germany
May 21, 1982
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ray White rhythm guitar
Steve Vai stunt guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bobby Martin keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]
Frankie! Frankie!
'Who Are The Brain Police?'!

Top Frank Zappa, Wedding Dress Song

(traditional, arranged by FZ)
[Apostolic Studios, NYC
December, 1967-February, 1968
FZ guitar, bass
Art Tripp marimba, vibes
Don Preston keyboards
Jimmy Carl Black drums]

Top Frank Zappa, We Gotta Get Into Something Real

Top Frank Zappa, Well

You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well, well
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well, well
You know I love you, honey, child
'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, honey, child
Nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
Y'know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
Zappa!
You know I want you, baby, please, don't go, well, well
You know I want you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, honey, child
'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
You know I want you, baby, please, don't go, well
Well, you know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, honey, child
'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
I know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
Yeah!

Top Frank Zappa, Welcome To The United States

Reiner Romer: Ladies and gentlemen, here he goes, Peter Rundel, he seems to be disgusted. Whatever. Ridero ridera! [...] Ha ha ha! LAUGH NOW! (HA HA HA HA HA!) Be quiet! Von seiner Werkbank zu uns heute Abend hergekommen ist unser Hermann Kretzschmar wolle merm reinlasse? Laugh now! (HA HA HA HA HA!)
Welcome to the United States
This form must be completed by every nonimmigrant visitor not in possession of a visitor's visa.
Type or print legibly in pen in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. USE ENGLISH.
Item 7 - If you are entering the United States by land, enter LAND in this space. (LAND!) If you are entering the United States by ship, enter, unh-unh, SEA in this space.
Do any of the following apply to you? (Answer Yes or No)
(No! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!)
A. Do you have a communicable disease; (COUGH NOW! Coughs . . . ) physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict?
Tell me, Bill, Yes or No. (No) Louder. (No!)
B. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes! Yes, sir! Yes! No! No! No!)
Or been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes or No) Thank you!
C. Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes)
Thank you very much! And welcome to the United States!
Reiner Romer: Thank you very much! Here they go! Frank Zappa and Hermann Kretzschmar! Back on stage, Peter Rundel!

Branches of Mathematics

Pure mathematics

Applied mathematics

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