The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute takes an in-depth look at the Republican Party and breaks them down into 10 distinct types. http://www.liebography.com/ Cartoon Transcript (some say the voices are heard to hear) VO: Today's Republican Party is quite diverse And spans all walks of life. So grab a chair and sit right down, As we break them down into ten basic types. If you ask Mr. Money Bags about the meaning of life He'll say "Ain't a damn thing funny" Because the only thing that's important to him is "Where's the money? Where's the money? Gimme the money." This millionaire cum billionaire Who favors low low tax rates Wants to keep his wealth all to himself Not support public programs he hates. "To hell with the lower classes", he says "Those people are all worthless cogs!" "I need to buy mink-fur-lined toilet seats" And diamond jewelry for all of my dogs!" He also hates the inheritance tax "This policy I oppose!" Because his spoiled daughter needs every last cent To snort it all up her nose. Mr. Warhawk's idea of diplomacy Is yelling "Let's solve everything with war!" Just as long as his kids aren't in the army you see And it's made up of the brown and the poor. He thinks he's a military genius, too Smarter than Sun Tzu and ol' Colin Powell Even though his only military training's from Watching "Red Dawn" staring C. Thomas Howell Mr. Bibleton is a born again Christian Just like his best buddy the prez And they're both devout believers in Christ Only...Not so much in what he says Jesus' words of helping the poor and needy Are all right there in the Bible But if you ask if he believes it's true he'll say "Um... I believe that might be a typo" They care not 'bout Aids in Africa Or spreading love in the world today. What issue are they most concerned about? "Makin' sure the TV don't turn us gay" And here's Mr. Contrarian He hates liberal causes and cases If you say Global Warming melts the polar ice caps They'll say "No it isn't" til they're blue in the faces He's often on Yahoo news message boards Typing in all caps and in the dark Or perhaps you'll find him in Hollywood Writing plot lines for South Park Mr. NRA likes guns more than people That's why (boom boom boom boom) And he (boom boom boom boom boom) (boom boom boom boom boom) ...Even though most Americans support gun control and banning cop-killer bullets. In business school Mr. Frat learned that Corporate group-think is always quite right. Which explains why he's such a super fan Of Dane Cook, Fox News and Coors Light He hates affirmative action, though For he feels it's a government gyp "People should have get their own damn jobs in the world" Like he did at his dad's hot tub dealership. If forced to pick a political slogan, though And choose a motto that fits Mr. Frat would think for a moment and say either "Woo-hoo!" or "Show us your tits!" Mr. Log Cabin likes spending his time and money Helping Republicans campaign to win Even though most of the folks he's voting for Think his existence is a mortal sin. And why is he such a staunch supporter Of a party that so hates his guts? "Because achieving equal rights is less important Than getting upper bracket tax cuts." Then again, he may be a genius so Let's take all of our criticism back. For he knows if Republicans remain in charge Gay soldiers can't be sent to Iraq. Mr. Numbnuts is a hard working fellow And though he ranks among the working poor He consistently votes for a party that boasts Of killing free health care on the Congressional floor But is he angry with these rich old men Who say they'll never raise his minimum wage? Well, not while there's plenty of beer and wrestling To channel all his misplaced rage. The original minutemen risked their lives Defending us from English imperial power What are today's minutemen defending us from? Busboys making three bucks an hour. Some say they're dedicated patriots And others, an over zealous mob Irregardless someday it'll be more cost effective To hire an illegal to do their job. And last is an Eisenhower Republican He's a fan of fiscal restraint He's also cautious with military intervention He knows what's a war and what ain't. He's a thoughtful, decent, honest man Who thinks that in order to win You must be a moderate who unites all people And...Whu-oh, looks like there's no room for him. Yes, the Republican party's an intriguing quilt of politics, personalities and...(rat-a-tat-tat-tat!) All housed together under one giant insane circus tent.

• published: 29 Oct 2006
• views: 277581