James Harvey "Jamie" Kennedy (born May 25, 1970) is an American comedian, rapper, and actor.
Kennedy, the youngest of six children, was born in Upper Darby Township, a suburb of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. His family is of Irish descent and he was raised Roman Catholic. He attended and graduated from Monsignor Bonner High School in 1988. After high school, Kennedy began his career as a Hollywood extra and honed his skills at voice impersonations.
Kennedy used his voice acting skills to create a false persona, screen agent "Marty Power". Posing as Marty Power over the telephone, he attracted the attention of real agents and managers who would later book his performances. He came to prominence in the late 1990s for playing Randy Meeks in the Scream film. He has also performed minor roles in other Hollywood films in recent years, and most often appears opposite actor Kal Penn including Malibu's Most Wanted, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, and Son of the Mask. His lead role as Tim Avery in Son of the Mask earned him a Golden Raspberry Award nomination for Worst Actor.
Stuart Stone (born November 17) is a Canadian film, television, and voice-over actor as well as a producer of TV/film and music. Stone also has toured as a comedian and rapper. In March 2009, Stone was named one of the "10 most innovative on the web" for his work on The Sunday Nite Stu and his TSM Radio Show. He also collaborates with the internet prank call show, Friday Night Cranks.
Stone was born Stuart Eisenstein in Thornhill. He started his acting career at age 2, and appeared in some Canadian TV commercials as a child actor in Toronto. He made his major motion picture debut in Heavenly Bodies as Joey, Samantha Blair (played by Cynthia Dale)'s son, in 1984. Since then, he has guest-starred in many TV series such as Goosebumps, Boston Public, and Flash Forward. He starred in animated features such as Babar: The Movie and The Magic School Bus as a voice-over actor. He has also done voice-over work for Care Bears, and voices both main characters in the Canadian cartoon Carl Squared. He also had a role in the cult films Donnie Darko and The Boys Club. After graduating highschool, he moved to Los Angeles, California to continue his career in acting.
Robert Lane "Bob" Saget (born May 17, 1956) is an American stand-up comedian, actor and television host. Although he is best known for his family-friendly roles as Danny Tanner in Full House and the original host of America's Funniest Home Videos, Saget is also known for his very vulgar stand-up routine.
Saget was born in Philadelphia to Jewish parents. His father, Benjamin, was a supermarket executive, and his mother, Rosalyn, was a hospital administrator. Saget lived in Norfolk, Virginia, and Encino, California, before moving back to Philadelphia and graduating from Abington Senior High School. Saget originally intended to become a doctor, but his Honors English teacher, Elaine Zimmerman, saw his creative potential and urged him to seek a career in films.
He attended Temple University's film school, where he created Through Adam's Eyes, a black-and-white film about a boy who received reconstructive facial surgery, and was honored with an award of merit in the Student Academy Awards. He graduated with a B.A. in 1978. Saget intended to take graduate courses at the University of Southern California but quit a few days later. Saget describes himself at the time in an article by Glenn Esterly in the 1990 Saturday Evening Post: "I was a cocky, overweight twenty-two-year-old. Then I had a gangrenous appendix taken out, almost died, and I got over being cocky or overweight." Saget talked about his burst appendix on Anytime with Bob Kushell, saying that it happened on the Fourth of July, at the UCLASS Medical Center and that they at first just iced the area for seven hours before taking it out and finding that it had become gangrenous. Saget credits the band Autistico for getting him through the tough times.
Paul Michael Slayton (born March 11, 1981), better known by his stage name Paul Wall, is an American rapper. He is currently affiliated with Swishahouse Records, having released several albums under the label as well as collaborating with other rappers signed to the label. He was formerly musical partners with rapper Chamillionaire releasing several collaborative albums including the independently released Get Ya Mind Correct. In 2005, he was signed to Atlantic Records and became successful with his major-label debut The Peoples Champ. Get Money, Stay True followed in 2007.
Wall attended Jersey Village High School and studied mass communications at the University of Houston for three years. After proposing to do promotions for Michael "5000" Watts' company, Swishahouse, Chamillionaire and Paul Wall came to Watts' studio, KBXX. Paul & Chamillionaire convinced Watts to let them rap on his radio show and put the verses on one of his mixtapes. That mixtape was titled Choppin Em Up Part 2, which was released in mid 1999. The freestyle became so popular in the streets that Chamillionaire and Paul Wall became regular staples on Houston's mixtape circuit, appeared on several of Watts' mixtapes and became permanent members of Swishahouse.
[Paul Wall:]
Yeah, Paul Wall baby
Swishahouse
Jamie Kennedy whattup Stu
Yeah, it's some mattress macks baby
You already know
[Jamie Kennedy:]
Yo, I'm the mattress mack
Touched down in H-Town with a glass of 'gnac
I got a glass of sizzurp, pass the lean
Me Stu and Paul Wall on that gasoline
I'm swangin and bangin, comin down in the slab
Still tippin, lookin for a girl's booty to grab
Yeah we parking lot pimpin girls, sit and dey watch
Pop trunk, Getty 4's with invisible tops
I'm throwed, so cold, ice grill in my mouth
Had a dream to be a rapper now I'm livin it out
So we party with the girls, take 'em back to the crib
I'm the mattress mack baby, that's the way that I live
[Chorus x2: various samples]
M-m-m-mattress mack! (I got a king size mattress that's good for yo' back)
Matress mack! Mattress mack! (I got a king size mattress that's good for yo' back)
[Paul Wall:]
Steady posted up, grindin baby, stackin up this bread and cake
Chasin after Benjamin Frank, every dollar that I can make
I'm comin down candy, nuttin but that apple gloss
Flip the switch, weighted trunk, breakin all these suckers off
I'm at the Club Blue, lookin for a freak-a-leek
Gotta be a thick chick to ride in my passenger seat
I got the cup full, J Kennedy passed the lean
Gettin full of that George Bush, Texas oil know what I mean
I'm with my partner Stu, ridin on that candy blue
Tellin these broads what it do, tell your friends to come on through
Holla at my partner Gu', call me Viagra man
Breakin off these girls proper, baby I do all I can
Cause I'm a mattress mack, screens down in my Cadillac
Speakers bumpin, swangin comin down with my trunk cracked
I'm Paul Wall, Swishahouse baby, Houston Tex
Live from the gridiron, I'm on the grind, collectin checks
[Chorus]
[Stu Stone:]
Stu Stoooone, Stu Stoooone
It's Stu Stone baby, the last mack remaining
And trust me when I say I ain't a mack in training
Yeah I'm down with Paul Wall, Johnny Dane done grilled me up
I'm in the club with some lean up in my cup
Homeruns in H-Town like my name was Bert man
Trust me it didn't come easy I put in work man
It's workin, the sizzurp'n is got me feeling money
Drink this hurr Crist' and my piss is worth money honey
When you got 4 20's then you ridin on 80's
Call me What It Dew Stu for what I do to the ladies
Swangin and bangin on Richmond, stoppin traffic at Max's
I'm just tryin to pull an actress back to mack's mattress
[Chorus]
[Outro:]
Yeah, mattress mackin!
'Til the day that I die
Who's Jamie Kennedy?
Jamie Kennedy, he's just a little white mini-me,
Trying to be like E-feezy.
Your washed up, you's a hater pimp, you through.
The truth of the matter, you're jealous of my partner Stu.
Jamie Kennedy used to be a best friend to me,
Rap pretend to be, now bitter enemy.
You think you can step to me, Biggs, and E-40 shorty?
You're dreamin'.
Stu Stone-in got you screamin'.
Just a flash in the pen.
I'm a hundred million dollar man.
JK's just a blister.
Jason So Biggs, you can call me mister.
Who's Jamie Kennedy?
Fuck Jamie Kennedy.
This one's for Kiss FM
No curse
No swears
This one's for the kids
The other day I read a letter it said
"Mr Kennedy, How you doing? Oh good. We're Fine.
This is your record company.
We really love what you've done so far with your rap CD
And we love all of the support that you get from MTV
But do you think that you could maybe make a song like Black Eyed Peas
With a little White Stripes and Mike Jones
It would make a nice ring tone.
Stu Stone. Better think of something quick.
Better make it something sick.
Ok well I could sing about my stick
OK ok
Hmm, uhhhh
I got a stick
I swing it to the left
I gotta stick
Together with the band
My crooked stick
Just watch it and it grows (watch it will grow)
Oh no
Woah
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
I speak loud and carry a big stick
I'm proud and if you need it then baby I come quick
My stick (my stick my stick)
Goes everywhere with me
My stick (my stick my stick)
Could poke a cat out of a tree
My stick (my stick) so sick
It's ridiculous
My stick it won't complain, or bitch, or fuss
Did I just say a bad word?
Really hope they censor it if not
Then lets hold hands and I'll resense (??) for it
My stick my stick
I got a stick
I swing it to the left
I gotta stick
Together with the band
My crooked stick
Just watch it and it grows (watch it will grow)
Oh no
Woah
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
Hey. Yo. You know what it look like?
What it look like?
You know what it look like?
I know what it look like.
Yeah. Tell 'em
Stick look like a banana
B-A-N-A-N-A
Stick look like a banana
B-A-N-A-N-A
Stick look like a banana
B-A-N-A-N-A
Stick look like a banana
B-A-N-A-N-A
O my! My stick, my stick it be the very best.
You know my compass always points you to the northwest.
I said
O My. My stick, my stick it be (it be) the very best.
You know my compass always points you to the northwest.
I said
Uh J-
What?
We don't need it a third time.
Crap.
I got a stick
I swing it to the left
I gotta stick
Together with the band
My crooked stick
Just watch it and it grows (watch it will grow)
Oh no
Woah
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
Woah!
I got a stick
I swing it to the left
I gotta stick
Together with the band
My crooked stick
Just watch it and grows (watch it will grow)
Oh no
Woah
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
I was born with a crooked (I was born with a crooked stick)
I got a crooked stick
Circle circle dot dot (uh huh)
I got my cootie shot, (uh huh)
You think that girl is hot? (uh huh)
I think I'd rather not. (uh huh) uh huh (okay) okay
I'll fuck her anyway.
Circle circle dot dot, (uh huh)
I got my cootie shot, (uh huh)
I think that booty's hot, (uh huh)
I'd give it booty song,
that booty's so i'll make it drop to the drop drop to the drop drop
to the make it drop,
to the floor
lets get more,(a huh) Okay,
gimme some more.
we getting drunk now, with the shot shot to the shot shot to the shot shot
We going chase these not double stamp it no erases with the bap bap to the bap bap
here comes the bouncer dont get caught
kindly introduce me to the friends that you brought
uh huh (uh huh)ok (ok)
I'm having fun today
(Chorus 2x)
Yo circle circle dot dot
yo this shits workin' please dont stop
now kindly please remove your top and please dont say that your a cop
Show me yours I'll show you mine and we'll play doctor until nine
uh huh (uh huh)ok (ok)
girl you drivin' me insane
Sane in the brain to the don't please to the menday
I spend should the spend spend to the plenty
we could do it hard we could do it gently
everyday i pretend-a caraventlae
if you want Stu skis you can rent me (rent me)
if you want to see the piece check the pant leg
uh huh (uh huh)ok (ok)
come on everybody say
Circle circle dot dot (uh huh)
I got my cootie shot, (uh huh)
You think that girl is hot? (uh huh)
I think I'd rather not. (uh huh) uh huh (okay) okay
I'll fuck her anyway.
uh huh (uh huh) ok (ok) its time to hit the breaks
shake that shit yo shake that shit
dont fake that shit dont break that shit
Shake that shit yo shake that shit
Shake that shit yo shake that shit..
uh huh (uh huh) ok (ok)uh huh (uh huh) ok (OKAY)
Circle circle dot dot (a huh) I got my cootie shot, (a huh) You think that girl is hot? (a huh) I think I'd rather not. (a huh) a huh (okay) okay (okay) I'll fuck her anyway.
[Stu Stone:]
It was a hot club night, quarter to 10. I'm in the car bumpin Juice n' Gin.
Monday morning, got to work again, just trying to unwind with a couple of friends.
Bouncer got me feeling like a jerk again, I tell him that he'll never work again.
You can find me outside of the club, in the back of the line, I'm with the scrubs in a bit of a bind.
Roll out with sidekicks, roll it down to Jay, invite him out, tell him that he don't got to pay.
I got a lot of hot girls (mmh) they wanna play, did I mention that you don't got to pay?
Bottles and bottles from days on days, am I making my self clear, you don't got to pay!
[Jamie Kennedy:]
Okay, shut up, I'm on my way
[Stu Stone:]
We can find ourselves a couple of gold diggers, like Kanye!
[Chorus: x2]
[Kardinal Offishall:]
Rush that shit, we all getting in man!
Rush that shit, every last one of my friends man!
Rush that shit...
[Stu Stone:]
No more getting the snuff, cause tonight I'm rushin the club!
[Jamie Kennedy:]
So I'm on a movie set, just wrapped for the day,
This kid keep yellin that I don't gotta pay.
So I walk through the front as I usually do,
No crew, just me and my homeboy Stu.
Sevens the second I got my shots
And I just got a deal so I don't give a fuck.
I walk through the line, yeah a few people know me
I'm J.K. bitch, this waitin' shit bores me!
I'll break from the V.I.P,
I bought you a drink , fuck that, you owe me.
Anyways me and Stu is chipped up,
Got our 'Members Only' jackets all zipped up.
Walk to the guy that's got the juice
Say Yeah we blowin' up, and we're tryin to come through.
I don't know you, and you don't pay me,
Nobody's like you harass me daily.
Yo who's that coming through?
Is that Kardy in the range?
You know I think this parties bout to change!
[Chorus x2]
[Kardinal Offishall:]
Ay yo, we get out the 10 whips, 30 d's, 50 chains,
They don't let us in, we tare down the frames.
Cause we came out to get in, V.I.P.
Smash the bouncers in the neck, if they try to disrespect.
As we walk by the line, girls lookin real quick,
Try to see if theres someone that they can get in with,
As we getting close, we moving to the front door,
It's like we brought our own club, bout a hundred or more.
Get past the bouncers, and who do I see?
My n**** Stu Stone, and his n**** Jamie Kennedy!
Yo what up big boy? ([?] N Jay...)
They frontin me dog! (Oh n****, no way.)
You to Stu? (yah know!)
Shit I got you, just stand behind me, so nobody talk to you.
I talked to me home boy, and then real quick
We kicked in the front door, and rushed that shit
[Chorus x2]
[Stu Stone:]
(Repeatedly...)
You are now about to witness the strength of Bob Saget...
Have you ever had one of those nights that started off so damn good,
No fights, no fuss, it's understood
That when you go to the bar,
Man, we ain't leavin' til there's girls in the car.
Well, this night started off just like that,
Except Jamie's in the driver's seat, Saget's in the back.
We rollin' on 20's to the club, pull up front,
Saget's in the backseat rollin' a blunt.
Valet opens up the door to park the car.
The bouncer at the front don’t want to let us in the bar.
Bob says, "Here, let me show him some affection."
Then he walked up, wound up, and cold-clock decked him.
Started screaming for that bitch to respect him, (respect)
Next thing you know, we’re in the VIP section.
When crew runs deep like this, you wanna brag it.
Who you rollin’ wit'? (bitch)
(Man), I'm rollin' with Saget.
Who you rollin' wit'?
Era Bob..era Bob Saget
Numero uno, nobody does it better
Who you rollin' wit'?
Era Bob..era Bob Saget
The illest motherfucker in a cardigan sweater
Now the night's young, but everybody's gettin' tipsy.
Bob's in a booth with a chick from Pokipsy.
He's ordering the Don Perignon; just drinkin' it from the bottle,
Making friends and leave the club with three models.
That's when DMX and 50 Cent walked in,
Bob stood up and said, "Who are you, again?"
At first all they did was stand around and stare,
Til X pushed Bob and 50 hit him with a chair.
He’s in a cardigan, khakis, shoes, and no socks.
"You want hardcore mothafuckers?"
Pulled out a glock.
I got a cock like a donkey, hard as a rock,
And a trigger finger itchier than chicken pox.
Now everybody threw their hands in the air,
Bob jumped with a gun and he just don’t care.
We on the floor, he’s on the table now, firing shots.
Paris Hilton’s on her cell phone callin’ the cops.
He blew the smoke off the tip of his gun,
"Bob Saget, bitch, you better aks someone."
Who you rollin' wit?
Era Bob..era Bob Saget.
Numero uno, nobody does it better.
Who you rollin' wit?
Era Bob..era Bob Saget.
The illest motherfucker in a cardigan sweater.
Bob grabs us and the girls; we run out the back door,
Says he's feeling froggy, that he’s still hungry for more.
He’s in the backseat gettin' busy again,
Askin' the girls if they're lesbians. (Are ya?)
The girls start kissing, now my dick's gettin’ hard.
“Lets go to my place, the hot tub's in the backyard.
I got beer and Henny, an ounce of cush.
Yo, Jay, pull over, I gotta pee in a bush.”
When you rollin' with Saget there's no time for rest,
This motherfucker's flippin' bottle caps off of her chest shouting,
“I'm Bob Saget, this is what I do!
My house, my car, this is my crew!
I only hang with just Jamie and Stu."
Patrol the main streets of Malibu.
Tomorrow night we're gonna do it again.
Bob Saget- my best friend.
Who you rollin' wit?
Era Bob..era Bob Saget.
Numero uno, nobody does it better.
Who you rollin' wit?
Era Bob..era Bob Saget.
The illest motherfucker in a cardigan sweater.
Numero uno, nobody does it better.
Who you rollin' wit?
Era Bob..era Bob Saget.
The illest motherfucker in a cardigan sweater.
[skit for the first 21 seconds]
[Stu Stone:]
Hi my name is Stu, I got a problem to share
It's kind of personal you probably won't care
See - I'm in love with Oprah Winfrey and Cher
Heh, I got a doll made out of Margaret Cho's hair
Kathy Bates and Edie Falco? Now there's a pair
My psychotherapist says I should clear the air
For the average boy or girl, this might be a shocker
Judge Judy called me a celebrity stalker
[Jamie Kennedy:]
Hold up, doc~! You know I got some problems too
My brain is kinda twisted like my name was Stu the Jew
I like to watch the telly, especially late at night
My favorite show to stroke to, gotta be "Facts of Life"
Fuck Lindsay Lohan! Give me Mindy Cohn!
And Tootie's juicy booty, now that's a blow jam
Whoa man, yo man I'ma grin and bear it
I got a website fan page for that hooker Mrs. Garrett
[Chorus: x2]
I love her, and she loves me
Why does she call police?
Stalker, I ain't no stalker, stalker
[Jamie Kennedy:]
I wanna slam Fran, hell she can be my nanny
Star Jones too huh, I'd like to hit that fanny
Marcia Marcia Marcia! You can have her, I'll take Alice
Cause she clean the room when I hit that chick from Dallas
Victoria Principal, you can call me to your office
Better make it quick cause I'll tell you "Who the Boss" is
It's Mona (MONA!) Now leave me the hell alone-ah
I'ma go to the corner, talk to Stu, I got a boner
[Stu Stone:]
Back to Stu Stoner, doc this shit ain't cool
I almost drowned in Delta Burke's pool
I be sittin in school, covered in drool
Dreamin of the day I can make out with Paula Abdul
"Straight up now" I told her that my love wasn't fake
She wasn't havin it, the cold-hearted snake
It ain't easy, people think I'm sleazy
I've been watchin TV Land, jerkin off to Weezie
(To Wheezie?~!) Fo' scheezy, nothin more would please me
To get Miss Cleo, down on her kneezy
I can't wait for my first date with Bonnie Raitt
Now please don't tease me
[Chorus]
Stalker! La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
[Kennedy & Stone:]
Comin after you girl
Yeah girl we're comin straight after you
Goin through your garbage cans
Goin through your trash girl
Find a banana peel
Yeah man, even your laundry
All we wanna do is just love you
Just wanna snuggle wit'cha
Hey are your parents traffic instructors
Cause you got fine written all over you
[Jamie Kennedy:]
1984 lying in the grass,
First time I ever got some ass.
Pop rock in my mouth, wanna go down south,
But the whopper in my stomach really gave me gas
[Stu Stone:]
Listen ya crazy mutha fucka, lets get class,
I got a fresh pack of hubba bubba berry blast
I got money to kill n' ass to burn,
Drive car in the wall and a salon perm
[Jamie Kennedy:]
Michael Jackson's got a glove, (I kinda like his glove) and the radios pickin a song, (I need love)
I do too, so I hit the pavement, with my homeboy Stu.
[Stu Stone:]
Break out the cardboard, breakout the beat box, take off your new shoes, pop lockin' in sox.
Hey Stu, I got the robot down on lock, I got a Cabbage Patch kid, and is still in box.
[Chorus: Both]
Where's the beef? Where? Where? Where's the Beef? (Where the beef at bitch!)
Where's the beef? Where? Where? Where's the Beef? (Who's got beef?)
[Stu Stone:]
Where's da beef, mutha fucka, it's in your teeth. While your girlfriends underneath
Why you chewin, n perusin , start on screwin, ya super freak!
[Jamie Kennedy:]
Maybe super freaky, but im super cool. I got a He-Man thermos that I rock at school.
My melacosta? clean, and im fresh on the scene. Got a rubix cube, cant figure out man...
[Stu Stone:]
I got a rubix cube to, but mines all black, I just peel off all the stickers and don't put em back.
Nancy got me feelin antsy , sayin no to drugs. Mr. Drumond givin Arnold n Willis more hugs.
[Chorus]
To the left, left, left. To the right, right, right.
To the left, left, left. To the right, right, right.
Now everybody!
Are you ready to dance?
[Chorus: x2]
That Gucci dress, that Prada bra
I wanna see, your ta ta tah
[Kennedy & Stone:]
She stayed away from stages - told her friends they was brainless
Maintained it - and stayed a waittress
Grew tired of makin minimum wages
Decided to take her clothes off to get famous
Well that didn't work out, she ended up on - stages
Collectin - wages, dancin - naked for strangers
Lesson on pages - that's where I come in and the story really begins
Don't want to ruin the ending - before she wins
It started out on the let's be friends tip
A 20, a 50, anything under a Ben tip
She's sittin on your lap - you're shootin the shit, you're catchin the breeze
Leanin forward, and ready to leave
She stops and drops and rubs on your knees
Whispers in your ear "Hey boy - come follow me" - ohhh
You wanna go, yet you would agree
Little do you know, this chick's got tricks up her sleeve
[Chorus]
[Kennedy & Stone:]
Your wallet's tellin you you outta cash
She's tellin you they got an ATM stashed somewhere in the back
She bends down, showin you the asscrack
Looks back, "Ohh ahh boy you know you wanna slap that"
You agree fast, PIN number, cash fast
The relationship between you and your money doesn't last
Too long, pull out three hundred and pass it along
Pay for song.. now she's in a thong
"Ooh boy you be a gentleman, hands under the seat"
"And if you be a good boy I might give you a treat"
Now she leans in and she's bein discrete
"For three hundred more I guarantee you cum in your seat" - whoa
Well gee that sounds neat, but kinda messy
She covered my mouth and started to undress me
With that look in her eyes, she parted her thighs, and grinded on my jeans
Damn I hate jeans, why the hell did I wear jeans!
[Chorus]
[Kennedy & Stone:]
Ahhh, she's screamin out in ecstasy
And now her left breast sittin right next to me and
She reaches down and she grabs Steve-o
Gives it a heave-ho, and now she's makin Steve go and me moan
"I know you like it slow, I know you want more"
It's back to the ATM and pull out 4
Back in the booth, she's naked grindin, grabbin on the rails
DJ's playin "funk you like an animal" by Nine Inch Nails
"You wanna touch it" uhh, you grab her breast
She grabs D, you scream, she screams AHH!
"You fuckin pervert, you better leave"
You say what the fuck you mean!
"This ain't no dream, I'm callin Chi Chi"
The bouncer's rushin in sayin "What's goin on man"
You reply, "I don't know, I paid for the song man!"
"You got it wrong, what you need to do is move the fuck on"
And like that she's gone, and so is your money
Hope you learned this lesson from me
Don't be a strip club dummy~!
[Chorus x2]
[ad libs to end]