Jeffrey Marshall "Jeff" Foxworthy (born September 6, 1958) is an American comedian, television and radio personality and author. He is a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also comprises Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and Ron White. Known for his "you might be a redneck" one-liners, Foxworthy has released six major-label comedy albums. His first two albums were each certified 3×multi-Platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America. Foxworthy has also written several books based on his redneck jokes, as well as an autobiography entitled No Shirt, No Shoes... No Problem!.
Foxworthy has also made several ventures into television, first in the mid-1990s as the star of a sitcom called, The Jeff Foxworthy Show. He has also appeared alongside Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy in several Blue Collar television specials, most notably Blue Collar TV. Since 2007, he has been the host of the quiz show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? on Fox (2007–2009) and syndication (2009–2011). Foxworthy hosted a nationally syndicated radio show called The Foxworthy Countdown from April 1999 to December 2009.
Daniel Lawrence Whitney (born February 17, 1963), best known by his stage name and character Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian, actor, country music artist, voice artist, and former radio personality.
He is one of the members of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also includes Bill Engvall, Ron White, and Jeff Foxworthy (with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV).
Whitney has released seven comedy albums, of which three have been certified gold by the RIAA for shipments of 500,000 copies. In addition, he has starred in three Blue Collar Comedy Tour-related movies, as well as in the films Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Delta Farce, and Witless Protection. He is widely known for voicing Mater in the Cars franchise. Whitney's catchphrase "Git-R-Done!" is also the title of his book.
On January 26, 2010, the TV channel History announced that it was ordering a series starring Whitney called Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy, in which he would explore the country and immerse himself in different lifestyles, jobs, and hobbies. The first episode of the series aired on February 8, 2011.
Craig Ferguson (born 17 May 1962) is a Scottish-American television host, stand-up comedian, writer, actor, director, author, and producer. He is the host of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, an Emmy Award-nominated, Peabody Award-winning late-night talk show that airs on CBS. In addition to hosting that program and performing stand-up comedy, Ferguson has written two books: Between the Bridge and the River, a novel, and American on Purpose, a memoir. He became a citizen of the United States in 2008.
Before his career as a late-night television host, Ferguson was best known in the United States for his role as the office boss, Nigel Wick, on The Drew Carey Show from 1996 to 2003. He also wrote and starred in three films, directing one of them.
Ferguson was born in the Stobhill Hospital in the Springburn district of Glasgow, Scotland to Robert and Janet Ferguson, and raised in nearby Cumbernauld, growing up "chubby and bullied". When he was six months old, he and his family moved from their Springburn apartment to a council house in Cumbernauld. They lived there as Glasgow was re-housing many people following damage to the city from World War II. Ferguson attended Muirfield Primary School and Cumbernauld High School. At age sixteen, Ferguson dropped out of Cumbernauld High School and began an apprenticeship to be an electronics technician at a local factory of American company Burroughs Corporation.
Ron White, Jeff Foxworthy & Bill Engvall: Live! From Las Vegas (1999)
Jeff Foxworthy 1989 (WARNING—BAD (R-rated) LANGUAGE!!)
Jeff Foxworthy-Redneck Fashion Tips Part 1
Comedy Central Roast - Best Comedy Key and Peele - Show 2015 Season 5 Episode
Comedy Central Roast - Best Comedy Key and Peele - Show 2015 Season 5 Episode 1
Comedy Central Roast - Best Comedy Show 2015 - Key and Peele Season 5 Episode 7
Certified Funny - Jeff Foxworthy - Men and Women
Jeff Foxworthy HD "You might be a redneck if..." [21st May 2014]
Jeff Foxworthy-Colonoscopy
Jeff Foxworthy -Medicine Side Effects
Jeff Foxworthy with Alan Jackson - Redneck Games (Video)
Jeff Foxworthy - Redneck Comedy - Live Stand Up Comedy
Raising Children
Embarrassing Photos of Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White and Larry the Cable Guy
Ron White, Jeff Foxworthy & Bill Engvall: Live! From Las Vegas (1999)
Jeff Foxworthy 1989 (WARNING—BAD (R-rated) LANGUAGE!!)
Jeff Foxworthy-Redneck Fashion Tips Part 1
Comedy Central Roast - Best Comedy Key and Peele - Show 2015 Season 5 Episode
Comedy Central Roast - Best Comedy Key and Peele - Show 2015 Season 5 Episode 1
Comedy Central Roast - Best Comedy Show 2015 - Key and Peele Season 5 Episode 7
Certified Funny - Jeff Foxworthy - Men and Women
Jeff Foxworthy HD "You might be a redneck if..." [21st May 2014]
Jeff Foxworthy-Colonoscopy
Jeff Foxworthy -Medicine Side Effects
Jeff Foxworthy with Alan Jackson - Redneck Games (Video)
Jeff Foxworthy - Redneck Comedy - Live Stand Up Comedy
Raising Children
Embarrassing Photos of Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White and Larry the Cable Guy
Craig Ferguson With Jeff Foxworthy 2009
Jeff Foxworthy Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas
Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Guys' Favorite Jokes
Jeff Foxworthy with Little Texas - Party All Night (Video)
Roast of Jeff Foxworthy - Greg Giraldo
Jeff Foxworthy - Words of the South
Kids Versus Old Folks
Jeff Foxworthy 2 - Redneck Comedy Roundup
Lisa Lampanelli roasts Jeff Foxworthy
Jeff Foxworthy : Totally Committed full show (1998) - Best comedians ever !
Jeff Foxworthy 1989 WARNING—BAD R rated LANGUAGE!!
Jeff Foxworthy 06 I Love Being Married 'Might Be A Redneck If'
Comedy Central Roast of Comedian Jeff Foxworthy 1
The View May/20/2015 Jeff Foxworthy, Eric Stonestreet, Raven-Symone & Michelle Collins
Craig Ferguson 21 May 2014 Jeff Foxworthy, the Colourist
2013 NNS Jeff Foxworthy's Grit Chips 300 @ Bristol Full Race
Jeff Foxworthy Performing Comedy Show Valley Center CA 2012
Is America Really Christian Q&A;
Shark Tank Season 02 Episode 04 April 8, 2011 Full Episode HD
Jeff Foxworthy Speaks to GAC
"JEFF FOXWORTHY AMERICAN BIBLE CHALLENGE" TV Special - Directed & Edited by Lance Tracy
1995 Country Music Awards hosted by Clint Black, Tanya Tucker & Jeff Foxworthy
Shark Tank Season 5, Episode 2 Full Episode YouTube
Austin Dillon onboard 2013 Jeff Foxworthy's Grit Chips 300 at Bristol, TN
Jeff Foxworthy press conference at Atlanta Motor Speedway - August 31, 2012
Shark Tank Season 5 Episode 25 Full Episode
Comedy Central Roast Larry The Cable Guy - Jeff Ross Roast And Jeff Foxworthy Full Show
❶™ Jeff Foxworthy Full Show 2005 ◕ Jeff Foxworthy Stand Up Comedy ◕
PMSL Great Clips Nationwide Series S1 Race 4 Jeff Foxworthy's Grit Chips 300
Jeff Foxworthy - Conan O'Brien 1996
Jeff Foxworthy Interview about God
Bill Engvall: "I Tried to Be Jeff Foxworthy" // SiriusXM
Redneck Jeff foxworthy - stand up comedy.wmv
Jeff Foxworthy Interview
Tonight Show "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" with Pitbull and Jeff Foxworthy
Jeff Foxworthy on NASCAR
Jordan Foxworthy and Jeff Foxworthy Interview: Biteback.net
Jeff Foxworthy Shares the Origin of His Famous Redneck Jokes
A Jeff Foxworthy Christmas Story
Episode 17 - Gary Martin Hays Interviews Jeff Foxworthy
Worst I Ever Bombed: Jeff Foxworthy
Jeff Foxworthy on the Bible
Crosswalk.com Interviews Jeff Foxworthy about His Inspirational New Game Show
Waco Jeff Foxworthy interview: technolgy, relatives, redneck humor & more
Ron White Learned Where To Put Punchlines From Jeff Foxworthy
Jeff Foxworthy Interview | "Larry King Now" | Ora TV
Incomplete Deer Hunter - Interview with Bill Jordan
Jeff Foxworthy Host "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader" & The Difference of "Red Neck" vs. "Ghetto"
Jeff Foxworthy Full Interview Team 1040AM Mr ShoBiz Segment
Hi I'm Jeff Foxworthy and i have got a wonderful woman that i am totally committed to
Always figured if something was worth doing it was worth doing right
You ever see those dead possum lying in the road they were partially committed
Rule #1 if she aint happy you aint happy and if she aint happy long enough your gonna be unhappy with half your
Stuff
Early on in our marriage when wed be in the same room for a half hour and she didn't say a word a word to me i would make the mistake of looking at her a saying what's wrong? Hoping it was something other than me.
Now i have learned If were in the same room for a half hour and she doesnt't say a word to
Me. it's ME. Now i just go up to her and say baby i realize i have done or said something stupid and insensitive and while i don't yet know what it is i would like to go up to my room and think about it for a little while.
This games been played for centurys
Ever since Adam fell for Eve
The sooner you'll learn the better off you'll be
Just like me
Totally Committed
I've learned early on in our relationship that women are complicated creatures
Once i had accepted that it made a lot of things easier for me
But i have found that because women are complicated they like to think men are complicated too.
You ever hear a group of women talking to each other " OOO i wish i knew what
He was really thinking" Ladies I'll tell you what were really thinking
Were really thinking "I'd like a beer and i'd like to see something naked"
That's all were thinking You go to a nursing home and see a 90 year old man going down the hall on
A walker that's what he's thinking "I'd like a beer and I'd like to see something naked"
This games been played for centurys
Ooh not that not that
Ever since Adam fell for Eve
The sooner you'll learn the better off you'll be
Just like me
Totally Committed
And i do belive what women understand men better than men understand women
Think about that
How often do you see a man stomp out of a room crying and have a woman go
"What, What'd I say?" Come Back
And i do think men would take advice on relationships but were not gonna sit down and read magazines about it. You got to feed it to us in a way were we'd accept it. Sneak it into the play-by-play of a baseball game
"and there's strike Three Greg Maddux looking really good today. Speaking of looking good fellas from time to time your woman needs to be reminded that she's still looking good to you" Hey Baby have i told you lately you are as pretty as Greg Maddux?
This games been played for centurys
Baby where ya goin?
Ever since Adam fell for Eve
The sooner you'll learn the better off you'll be
Just like me
I keep telling ya i am Totally Committed
Now repeat after me
Totally Committed
Now baby what i meant to say is when your naked you are prettier than Greg
Maddux
You really are
There's nothin like bein in love an' starin at a big ol' moon.
Hell, when I was in high school, a drive by shooting meant
somebody had their rear end hangin outta car window.
Got a few mooners in the croud.
Where ya good?
I was All-State my senior year.
Wasn't moonin a great sport, nobody ever got hurt....
you didn't have to be in shape to play...
Hell, the fatter you where the more ya brought to the window.
Chorus:
Big ol moon, I see you shinin,
till I surprised you smilin bright in the afternoon..
Now i know where you've been hidin,
There's nothin like bein in love,
and starin at a big ol moon.
We used to play this game called Seek and Destroy.
What we do, we get in my dad's crysler with the Electric windows..
my two best friends: Bomber one, and Bomber two would be in the backseat,
with their pants to their ankles.
Chorus
Bomber One to Mother Hen, come in Mother Hen.
Go ahead Bomber One.
Ahh, yeah, permission to fire on a seventy-seven ford galaxy in the left hand lane.
Permission granted Bomber One, lowering left rear bomb hatch now...
Chorus
AHH! Perfect hit!
Their in the ditch!
Granny is outta the car, and clutching her chest,
Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer,
The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler,
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,
I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy,
The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives,
My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried
When out in the yard the dog started barkin'
I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin
He yelled, "Roy I amd sworn to uphold the laws
And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause."
I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause,
And you ain't takin me in without probable cause."
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
I said, "That might've been me, just whats he look like?
The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly
That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly
He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry."
I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."
"It's no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said,
"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red
I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean,
Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen."
Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell
It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail.
I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten,
I thought that my wife had been drinking again."
When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost
I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's
But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head
And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red,
Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter,
A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun,
When outta Red's chimney this feller did run
And slung on his back was this bag overflowin'
I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'
So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air."
But he went about his business like he hadn't a care
So I popped off a warning shot over his head,
Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled,
And as he flew off i heard him extort,
"Thats assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet
on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar
and you’ll never rout me outta there
so why don’t you just
turn car off come
in well watch wrestling eat some
Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy
Gonna party all night ‘till the sun comes up,
We won’t stop dancin’ ‘till we had enough.
There ain’t no boss and there ain’t no phone,
Gonna party all night, ‘till the cows come home.
Gonna party all night ‘till the sun comes up,
We won’t stop dancin’ ‘till we had enough.
There ain’t no boss and there ain’t no phone,
Just loud country music on the radio.
Gonna party all night, gonna live it up.
Bubba gonna puke in the pick up truck.
If you got the blues, well, lets hit the road.
Gonna party all night, ‘till the cows come home.
Gonna party all night ‘till the sun comes up,
We won’t stop dancin’ ‘till we had enough.
There ain’t no boss and there ain’t no phone,
Just loud country music on the radio.
Gonna party all night, gonna live it up.
Bubba gonna puke in the pick up truck.
If you got the blues, well, lets hit the road.
Gonna party all night, ‘till the cows come home.
Guy1:Somebody done been to the wal*mart
Guy2:Man this is the stuff I got for christmas
Guy1:You cleaned up, what you get?
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:You fool!You got jipped! thar's twelve days of Christmas!
Guy2:I know that look over there in the corner.
Guy1:Thats yours too?
Guy2:Yeah
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:Man these aint normal Christmas presents!
Guy2:Naw they redneck gifts.
Guy1:Redneck gifts?
Guy2:Yeah, like when you buy your wife earrings that double as fishen luers, or if you can burp the entire chorus of jingle bells, or if you think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive, or if you've ever miss spelled anything in christmas lights, or if you leave cold beer and pickeled eggs for santa clause.
Guy1:whats wrong with that?
Guy2:i didnt say anything was wrong with it, its hard to beat
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:Well you know you cant consider it a Christmas unless you go down to the penitenturary and visit your momma.
Guy2:You're not listenin' to me get the car key out of your ear, that where the nine years probation comes in. im a do it for you again, now listen
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy2:Are you cryin'?
Guy1:naw just my allergies
Well I went out last friday night with lil Mary Anne
She said please stay til mornin and she grabbed me by the can
She layed a big one on me, woo, suprised me with her tongue
But her suprise was waitin there between my cheek and gum
(Copenhagen!)
Not a woman getter
(Copenhagen!)
You can see it in my smile
(Copenhagen!)
I admit that I'm a spitter
(Copenhagen!)
It'll drive your woman wild
So I went to the movies with my lil Peggy Sue
I had my dip there in my lip just like I always do
She didn't see me spittin in my Coca-Cola cup
She took a big ol swaller and gave that popcorn up!
(Copenhagen!)
It makes my dentist quesy
(Copenhagen!)
You can see it in my smile
(Copenhagen!)
Hey hey quittin's not that easy
(Copenhagen!)
It'll drive your woman wild
The moral of the story is kinda sad but true
But if you stay til breakfast they'll wanna marry you
So if she's comin on too strong don't worry and don't pout
Just dip some Copenhagen if you wanna snuff her out
(Copenhagen!)
It's not a fever blister
(Copenhagen!)
You can see it in my smile
(Copenhagen!)
Haha I learned it from my sister
(Copenhagen!)
It will drive your woman wild
(Copenhagen!)
If you've ever been on television more than 5 times
discribing what the tornadoe sounded like...
You might be a redneck.
If you've ever cut your grass and found a car...
you might be a redneck.
If your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade...
you might be a redneck.
If you've ever been too drunk to fish...
If somebody asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle..
If every day somebody comes to your house mistakenly thinking your having a yard sale.
If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to defend your sister's honor..
You might be a redneck.
If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain...
you might be a redneck.
They always make fun of the way I talk, I keep telling them I said your gonna be
real surprised when you get into the habit in St. Petersburg and say,
"Yo'all get into the truck, we goin up to the big house."
If you've ever financed a tattoo....
If you've ever made change in the offering plate...
you might be a redneck.
we have words in the south they don't have in other parts of the country..
Now, you come to the south, we have words like...you'ant to.
We goin to the mall, you'ant to?
What letter does that start with, does anybody know?
I like this word alot...aight.
That's a word in Texas...aight.
Round lunch time every day, you'll hear somebody say,
"hey didja eat yet, naw, didju? You'ant to. Aight."
If you go to the family reunion to meet women....
If you smoked during your wedding....
you might be a redneck.
And last but not least
if you see a sign that says say no to crack,
and it reminds you to pull your jeans up...
There's nothin like bein in love an' starin at a big ol' moon.
Hell, when I was in high school, a drive by shooting meant
somebody had their rear end hangin outta car window.
Got a few mooners in the croud.
Where ya good?
I was All-State my senior year.
Wasn't moonin a great sport, nobody ever got hurt....
you didn't have to be in shape to play...
Hell, the fatter you where the more ya brought to the window.
Chorus:
Big ol moon, I see you shinin,
till I surprised you smilin bright in the afternoon..
Now i know where you've been hidin,
There's nothin like bein in love,
and starin at a big ol moon.
We used to play this game called Seek and Destroy.
What we do, we get in my dad's crysler with the Electric windows..
my two best friends: Bomber one, and Bomber two would be in the backseat,
with their pants to their ankles.
Chorus
Bomber One to Mother Hen, come in Mother Hen.
Go ahead Bomber One.
Ahh, yeah, permission to fire on a seventy-seven ford galaxy in the left hand lane.
Permission granted Bomber One, lowering left rear bomb hatch now...
Chorus
AHH! Perfect hit!
Their in the ditch!
Granny is outta the car, and clutching her chest,
return to home base.
Guy1:Somebody done been to the wal*mart
Guy2:Man this is the stuff I got for christmas
Guy1:You cleaned up, what you get?
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:You fool!You got jipped! thar's twelve days of Christmas!
Guy2:I know that look over there in the corner.
Guy1:Thats yours too?
Guy2:Yeah
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:Man these aint normal Christmas presents!
Guy2:Naw they redneck gifts.
Guy1:Redneck gifts?
Guy2:Yeah, like when you buy your wife earrings that double as fishen luers, or if you can burp the entire chorus of jingle bells, or if you think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive, or if you've ever miss spelled anything in christmas lights, or if you leave cold beer and pickeled eggs for santa clause.
Guy1:whats wrong with that?
Guy2:i didnt say anything was wrong with it, its hard to beat
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:Well you know you cant consider it a Christmas unless you go down to the penitenturary and visit your momma.
Guy2:You're not listenin' to me get the car key out of your ear, that where the nine years probation comes in. im a do it for you again, now listen
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy2:Are you cryin'?
Guy1:naw just my allergies
Guy2:Happy Holidays Everybody
If you've ever been on television more than 5 times
discribing what the tornadoe sounded like...
You might be a redneck.
If you've ever cut your grass and found a car...
you might be a redneck.
If your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade...
you might be a redneck.
If you've ever been too drunk to fish...
If somebody asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
If every day somebody comes to your house mistakenly thinking your having a yard sale.
If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You might be a redneck.
If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain...
you might be a redneck.
They always make fun of the way I talk, I keep telling them I said your gonna be
real surprised when you get into the habit in St. Petersburg and say,
"Yo'all get into the truck, we goin up to the big house."
If you've ever financed a tattoo...
If you've ever made change in the offering plate...
you might be a redneck.
we have words in the south they don't have in other parts of the country.
Now, you come to the south, we have words like... you'ant to.
We goin to the mall, you'ant to?
What letter does that start with, does anybody know?
I like this word alot... aight.
That's a word in Texas... aight.
Round lunch time every day, you'll hear somebody say,
"hey didja eat yet, naw, didju? You'ant to. Aight."
If you go to the family reunion to meet women...
If you smoked during your wedding...
you might be a redneck.
And last but not least
if you see a sign that says say no to crack,
and it reminds you to pull your jeans up...
you might be a redneck.
I'll give you an idea of what kind of family mine is
This is a true story
About 9 or 10 months ago I did somethin I had always wanted to do
I cashed in all my frequent flyer miles
I took everybody in my family to Hawaii, 13 people
Thinkin this would be the vacation of a lifetime
It ended up bein the Clampetts go to Maui!
Cuz you get my family together and there is an empty K-mart somewhere!
They showed up at the airport they were usin coolers and grocery bags for luggage
The sky cap was like "which ones yours? the samsonite?"
They were like, "no we got the igloo with the duct tape on it and the 5 piggly wiggly bags right there!"
At the ticket counter I asked my mother, i said "mom would you like to sit next to the window?"
She goes "oh i better not, i just had my hair fixed."
And on the plane, the movie they were showin on the plane was Homeward Bound The Incredible Journey
5 minutes into this movie my brother turns to me and goes, "You know that ain't them dogs real voice!"
My sister got mad, "well thanks for spoilin it for everybody else!"
And we were stayin right on the beach, in fact the whales were migrating through
You could stand on the balcony and watch whales come up out of the water
First morning there, my brothers out there goin "man i wish i had a gun with a scope on it!"
"How much does it cost to mount a whale?! ANYBODY KNOW?!"
I'd have to get a bigger trailer i'll tell ya that!
And you could tell which rooms were ours
Ours were the ones with the underwear hangin off the rail!
According to the manager, the sight of the only peeing for distance contest they had ever had!
Which I am ashamed to say my Aunt Rose won in the second round!
We are a classy bunch!
My uncle Doug kept askin, "When we gonna convert our money to Hawaiin money?"
This is the same uncle Doug, we went to a luau and you know how they always ask people to volunteer to hula dance?
Ol' Doug volunteered.
Halfway through the dance we all realize Doug's not wearin any underwear underneath his hula skirt!
We asked him about it later and he goes, "well when i went to put my skirt on i noticed i had a hole in my drawers and I didnt wanna embarrass myself!"
Dang Doug, you thought this out!
And there's my family, I love em, they're good people...
They just dont get out much!
Mainly because of that "no shirt no shoes" rule
They love that hotel though
God, they stole everything from that place
They stole the ashtrays while we were checkin in!
Didnt even dump the sand out of em! Just picked em up and walked out!
Stole everything, I mean you get outta the shower and your dryin off with toilet paper cuz tehy ahve teh towels in teh piggly wiggly bags
And one day one of the maids made the mistake of goin to lunch and leavin her cart out in the hall...
They were on that like a pack of dogs on a 3 legged cat! Picked it clean!
I asked my brother later i said, "what are you gonan do with 180 shower caps?!"
He said, "Christmas presents!"