• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• You Never Say Good Luck on Opening Night - Producers
• We Can Do It - Producers
• The King of Broadway - Producers
• That Face - Producers
• Opening Night - Producers
• In Old Bavaria - Producers
• I Wanna Be a Producer - Producers
• Goodbye - Producers
• Der Guten Tag Hop-Clop - Producers
• Betrayed - Producers
• 'Til Him - Producers
• Who Do You Think You Are? - Producers
• Prisoners Of Love - Producers
• Life Of Crime - Producers
• sensations - Producers
• Springtime for Hitler - Producers
• Certain Kinda Girl - Producers
• Here's To You - Producers
• What She Does To Me - Producers
• Boys Say When-girls Say Why - Producers
• When You've Got It Flaunt It - Producers
• Along Came Bialy - Producers
• I Love Lucy - Producers
• What's He Got - Producers
• Body Language - Producers
• You Go Your Way - Producers
• The Producers - Producers

And I just want to wish everybody, good luck
Mr. Bloom, hasn't anyone ever told you
It's bad luck to say, "Good luck" on opening night
If you do, I tell you
It is certain by the curtain
You are through
Good luck
It's bad luck to say, "Good luck" on opening night
Once it's said, you are dead
You will get the worst reviews
You've ever read
Good luck
Even at the Comedie-Francaise
On the opening night they are scared
"Bon chance, mes amis," no one says
The only word you ever hear is
Merde
Good luck, good luck, good luck
It's verboten, wishing luck on opening night
Take advice, don't think twice
Or your show will surely end
Up in the Scheiss
Guten lucken
At the famous La Scala in Milan
On opening night it's a rule
In Boccu Lupa they say with Elan
And just for luck they all shout
"Bah fongool"
I got it, now I'll never say
"Good luck" on opening night
That's the rule, I'm no fool
What do I say, I beg?
What you say is,
"Break a leg"
Break a leg?
Yes, break a leg
If you're clever
Good luck
You'll endeavor
To never, never, never, never
Ever, ever, ever say

Don't you see, Bloom, darling Bloom?
Glorious Bloom, it's so simple
Step one, we find the worst play ever written
Step two, we hire the worst director in town
Step three, I raise two million dollars
Two? Yes, one for me, one for you
There's a lot of little old ladies out there
Step four, we hire the worst actors in New York
And open on Broadway and before you can say, ?Step five?
We close on Broadway, take our two million and go to Rio
Rio? Nah, that'd never work, oh, ye of little faith
What did Lewis say to Clark when everything looked bleak?
What did Sir Edmund say to Tenzing
As they struggled toward Everest's peak?
What did Washington say to his troops
As they crossed the Delaware?
I'm sure you're well aware, what'd they say?
We can do it, we can do it
We can do it, me and you
We can do it, we can do it
We can make our dreams come true
Everything you've ever wanted
Is just waiting to be had
Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls
Caressing you, undressing you and driving you mad
We can do it, we can do it
This is not the time to shirk
We can do it, you won't rue it
Say goodbye to petty clerk
Hi, Producer, yes, Producer
I mean you, sir, go beserk
We can do it, we can do it
And I know it's gonna work
Whatta ye say, Bloom? What do I say?
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer
What do I say?
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir
What do I say, what do I say?
Here's what I say to you, sir
I can't do it, I can't do it
I can't do it, that's not me
I'm a loser, I'm a coward
I'm a chicken, don't you see?
When it comes to wooing women
There's a few things that I lack
Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls
Cashing me, embracing me, I'd have an attack
Why, you miserable, cowardly, wretched little caterpillar
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
Don't you want to spread your wings
And flap your way to glory?
We can do it, we can do it
We can grab that holy grail
We can do it, we can do it
Drink Champagne, not ginger ale
Come on, Leo, can't you see oh
Mr. Bialystock, please stop the song
You've got me wrong, I'll say, "So long"
I'm not as strong a person as you think
Mr. Bialystock, just take a look
I'm not a crook, I'm just a shnook
The bottom line is that I stink, I can't do it
You see Rio, I see jail
We can do it, I can't do it, we can do it
I cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot do it
'Cause I know it's gonna fail, we can do it
I know it cannot fail

I used to be the king, the king of old Broadway
The best of everything was mine to have each day
I always had the biggest hits
The biggest bathrooms at the Ritz
My showgirls had the biggest tits
I never was the pits in any way
Workman, bum, bag lady
We believe you, thousands wouldn't
We believe you, every word
We believe you, thousands couldn't
We believe each word we've heard
I used to be the king, the king of old Broadway
My praises they would sing a Ziegfeld so they'd say
My shows were always filled with class
The best champagnes would fill my glass
My lap was filled with gorgeous ass
You couldn't call me crass in any way
Workman, bum, bag lady, violinist
Usherettes, nuns, street cleaner
We believe you, thousands wouldn't
We believe you, every word
We believe you, thousands couldn't
We believe each word we've heard
There was a time when I was young and gay
But straight there was a time when I was bold
There was a time when each and every play
I touched would turn to gold
There was a time
He wore the finest clothes
His shoes were always new
Now I wear a rented tux
That's two weeks overdue
Poor Bialy, what a shmoozer
Poor Bialy, what a shame
Poor Bialy, what a loser
Poor Bialy, goodbye fame
Such reviews! How dare they insult me in this manner?
How quickly they forget I am max Bialystock
The first producer ever to do summer stock in the winter
Once he was the king
You've heard of theater in the round?
You're looking at the man who invented theater in the square
Nobody had a good seat king of old Broadway
I've spent my entire life in the theater
I was a protege of the great Boris Tomaschevski
Yes, he taught me everything I know
I'll never forget, he turned to me on his deathbed and said
"Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen"
What does that mean?
Who knows? I don't speak Yiddish, strangely enough, neither did he
But in my heart I knew what he was saying
He was saying, when you're down and out
And everybody thinks you're finished
That's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout
"Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this town!?
I used to be the king
The king of old Broadway
Again I will be king
And be on top to stay
Used to be the king
King of old Broadway
On top to stay, hey
There'll be gala opening nights again
You'll see my name in lights again
I'll go from dark to brights again
My spirits high as kites again
I'll never suffer slights again
I'll taste those sweet delights again
No plethora of plights again
No blossoming of blights again
No frantic fits or frights again
Fame is in my sights again
I'll take those fancy flights again
I'm gonna scare the heights again
Bialystock will never drop
Bialystock will never stop
Bialystock will be on top again
Fame is in his sights again
He'll take those fancy flights again
He's gonna scale the heights again

The urge to merge can rob us of our senses
The need to breed can make a man a drone
We must be on alert with our defenses
For every skirt will test testosterone
So, knowing this I severed all connection
With any creature sporting silk or lace
I was firmly headed in the right direction
When suddenly I stumbled on that face
That face, that face, that dangerous face
I mustn't be unwise
Those lips, that nose, those eyes
Could lead to my demise
That face, that face, that marvelous face
I never should begin
Those cheeks, that neck, that chin
Will surely do me in
I must be smart and hide my heart
If she's within a mile
If I don't duck, I'm out of luck
She'd kill me with her smile
That face, that face, that fabulous face
It's clear I must beware
I'm certain if I fall in love, I'm lost without a trace
But it's worth it for that face
That face, that face, that lovable face
It melts my Swedish heart
I'm certain if I fall in love, I'm lost without a trace

Opening night, it's opening night
It's Max Bialystock's latest show
Will it flop or will it go?
The cast is taking its final bow
Here comes the audience now
The doors are open, they're on their way
Let's hear what they have to say
He's done it again
He's done it again
Max Bialystock has done it again
We can't believe it
You can't conceive it
How'd he achieve it?
It's the worst show in town
We sat there sighing
Groaning and crying
There's no denying
It's the worst show in town
Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss
We've seen shit, but never like this
Max Bialystock has done it again
The songs were rotten
The book was stinkin'
What he did to Shakespeare
Booth did to Lincoln
We couldn't leave faster, what a disaster
We are still in shock
Who produced this schlock?
That slimy, sleazy Max Bialystock

Oh, how I miss thee hills and dales
And vales and trails of old Bavaria
Oh, it's such bliss to kiss the Miss I miss
Like this in old Bavaria
Oh, the meadows and the mountains and the sky
Not to mention hordes of brown shirts passing by
Bring a tear to every single Nazi eye

Unhappy, unhappy, very unhappy
Unhappy, unhappy
Very, very, very, very, very, very, very unhappy
Unhappy, unhappy
Very, very, very, very, very, very, very unhappy
I spend my life accounting
With figures and such, unhappy
To what is my life amounting?
It figures, not much, unhappy
I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my soul
It sets my heart afire
To see me in this role
I wanna be a producer
With a hit show on Broadway
I wanna be a producer
Lunch at Sardi's every day
I wanna be a producer
Sport a top hat and a cane
I wanna be a producer
And drive those chorus girls insane
I wanna be a producer
And sleep until half-past two
I wanna be a producer
And say, "You, you, you, not you"
I wanna be a producer
Wear a tux on opening nights
I wanna be a producer
And see my name, Leo Bloom, in lights
He wants to be a producer
Of a great big Broadway smash
He wants to be a producer
Every pocket stuffed with cash
He wants to be a producer
Pinch our cheeks 'til we cry ouch, eek, ooh, oh, ahh, yes
He wants to be a producer
With a great big casting couch
I wanna be, he wants to be
I wanna be, he wants to be
I wanna be the greatest, grandest
And most fabulous producer in the world
He wanna dine with the duchess and the duke
I just got to be a producer
Drink champagne until I puke
Drink champagne till he pukes
I wanna be a producer
Show the world just what I've got
I'm gonna put on shows that will enthrall 'em
Read my name in Winchell's column
I wanna be a producer
'Cause it's everything I'm not
Unhappy, unhappy
I wanna be a producer
Very, very unhappy, unhappy
(Wait a minute, yeah minute, hold everything, hold everything)
Mr. Bialystock was right
There is a lot more to me than there is to me
Stop the world, I wanna get on
I'm gonna be a producer
He's gonna be a producer

Thanks for coming to see our show
Sad to tell you we got to go
Grab your hat and head for the door
In case you didn't notice, there ain't any more!
If you like our show tell ev'ryone but
If you think it stinks, keep your big mouth shut!
We're glad you came but we have to shout
Adios, au revoir, wiedersehen, ta-ta-ta

You will join me in singing
Und dancing the Fuhrer's favorite tune
'Der Guten Tag Hop Clop', all right, key of E?
Is there any other? Vunderbar, eins, zwei, drei
Guten Tag hop hop, Guten Tag clop clop
Ach du lieber und oh boy
Guten Tag clap clap, Guten Tag slap slap
Ach du lieber, vat a joy
Oh, ve essen und fressen
Und tanze und trinken
Tanzen und trinken
Until ve get stinkin
Everybody, Guten Tag hop hop, Guten Tag clop clop
Guten Tag, meine liebe Schatz
So we hop our hops und we clop our clops
Und we drink our Schnapps 'til we plotz
Vunderbar, gentlemen, I like your dancing
Thank you, you may produce my play
Excellent, but only if you will take the Siegfried Oath
I solemnly swear, I solemnly swear
To obey the sacred Siegfried Oath
To obey the sacred Siegfried Oath
Und, und, und, never, never, never, never, never, never
Dishonor ze spirit und ze memory of Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
Dishonor the spirit, Elizabeth?
Ja, that vas his middle name
Not many people know it, but the Fuhrer was descended
From a long line of English queens
Really? Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
Gut, so now I sign your contract
Ah, you won't regret this, so, thank you, Herr Liebkind
Broadvay, wait til they hear about this in Argentina
Ach, mein lieblings
Ve're winkin und blinkin
Und clinken und drinken
Our Schnapps 'til we plotz

"Mail call! Here ya go, Bialystok, ya got a postcard"
"A postcard? From where?"
"Brazil"
"Brazil? Who do I know in Brazil?"
Dear Max, "Rio is everything you said it was and more
Ulla and I think of you every chance we get
In the morning, when we have breakfast on our terrace
Many different herrings and in the evening
When we samba together in the moonlight
Sorry, must run, Ulla's waiting, it's almost eleven"
"Wish you were here, Leo
Just like Cain and Abel, you pulled a sneak attack
I thought that we were brothers
Then you stabbed me in the back"
Betrayed! Oh boy, I'm so betrayed
Like Samson and Delilah, your love began to fade
I'm crying in the hoosegow, you're in Rio getting laid
Betrayed! Let's face it, I'm betrayed
Boy, have I been taken
Oy, I'm so forsaken
I should have seen what came to pass
I should have known to watch my ass
I feel like Othello, everything is lost
Leo is Iago, Max is double-crossed
I'm so dismayed, did I mention I'm betrayed?
I used to be the king but now I am the fool
A captain without a ship, a rabbi without a shul
Now I'm about to go to jail, there's no one who will pay my bail
I have no one who I can cry to, no one I can say goodbye to
I'm drowning, I'm drowning here, I'm going down for the last time
I, I, I see my whole life flashing before my eyes
I see a weathered old farmhouse with a white picket fence
I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex
And Rex, stop it and I see my mother standing on the back porch
In a worn but clean gingham gown and I hear her calling out to me
"Alvin, don't forget your chores, the wood needs a-cordin'
And the cows need a-milkin', Alvin, Alvin"
"Wait a minute, my name's not Alvin, that's not my life
I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx
Leo's taken everything, even my pasts
My past's a dying ember but wait, now I remember how did it begin?
He walked into my office with his cockamamie scheme
You can make more money with a flop than with a hit
"We can do it, we can do it"
"I can't do it"
"We can do it"
"I can't do it"
Goodbye Max
"Lord, I want that money"
"I'm back, Max"
"Come on, Leo, we can do it"
Step one, find the play
See it, swirl it, touch it, kiss it
Hello, Mister Liebkind
"Guten Tag, hop clop"
"Guten Tag, hop clop"
Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
"Guten Tag, hop clop"
"Guten Tag, hop clop"
Step two, hire the director
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it
Two-three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn
Ulla
Step three, raise the money
Along came Bialy
Intermission
Step four, hire all the actors
A wandering minstrel I
A think of shreds and
Next, the little wooden boy
Next, that's our Hitler
Opening night
Good luck, good luck, good luck
Break a leg, I broke my leg
"Springtime for Hitler and Germany"
A surprise smash
"Springtime for Hitler and Germany
It'll run for years
Where did we go right?
Where did we go right?
Gimme those books
Fat, fat, fatty
Gimme those books
Fat, fat, fatty
Books, fat
Books, fat
Books, fat
Books, fat
Lousy fruit, kill the actors, you ever eat with one
Then you ran to Rio and you're safely out of reach
I'm behind these bars, you're banging Ulla on the beach
Just like Julius Caesar was betrayed by Brutus
Who'd think an accountant would turn out to be my Judas
I'm so dismayed, is this how I'm repaid?

Your honor when I was in Rio
And had everything I'd ever dreamed of
I suddenly realized that this man, this man
No one every made me feel like someone
'Til him
Life was really nothing but a glum one
'Til him
My existence bordered on the tragic
Always timid, never took a chance
Then I felt his magic and my heart began to dance
I was always frightened, fraught with worry
'Til him
I was going nowhere in a hurry
'Til him
He filled up my empty life, filled it to the brim
There could never ever be another one like him
Leo, I, I never realized you're a good singer
Thank you, Max I sang it for you
I sang it because I'm your friend
You are? Gee, I've had a lot of relationships
But you couldn't call any of them friend
But come to think of it
No one ever ever really knew me
'Til him
Everyone was always out to screw me
'Til him
Never met a man I ever trusted
Always dealt with shysters in the past
Now I'm well adjusted 'cause I've got a friend at last
Don't help me
Always playing singles, never doubles
'Til him
Never had a pal to share my troubles
'Til him
He filled up my empty life, filled it to the brim
There could never ever be another one like him
Gentlemen it breaks by heart
To break up such a beautiful friendship, so I won't

Hey man
Don't you know what you are saying
Hey man
Don't you hear the words running out of your mouth
Hey man
You tell me I ain't got to expertise
Expertise, what do you know about expertise
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you really are
Hey man
I'm aware of your position
Hey man
Luck has made you the man in charge
Hey man
You shake your finger and you give the word
Give the word
What gives you the right to give the word
Hey man
Your glory days are fading
Hey man
Your faithful troops have deserted you
Hey man
There's nobody left to listen anymore
Anymore

JUDGE:
Gentlemen, it breaks my heart to break up such a
beautiful friendship.
So I won't. Five years in the state penitentiary at
Sing Sing.
CONVICT #1:
Gotta sing ... sing!
CONVICT #2:
Gotta sing ... sing!
MAX:
Okay, boys, break's over. Let's take it from the top.
CONVICT #1:
This is good! Hey Bloom, put me in for ten grand.
MAX & CONVICTS:
Prisoners of love
Blue skies above
Can't keep our hearts in jail
MAX:
Tempo, fellas!
Pick up the tempo!
MAX & CONVICTS:
Prisoners of love
Our turtle doves
LEO:
Don't forget the balcony!
MAX & CONVICTS:
Soon coming 'round with bail
LEO:
Sing out, boys! Let 'em hear you in solitary!
MAX & CONVICTS:
Oh, you can lock us up
And lose the key
But hearts in love
Are always free!
Prisoners of love
Blue skies above
'Cause we're still prisoners
MAX:
Take it home, boys. We open in Leavenworth Saturday
night.
MAX & CONVICTS:
We're still prisoners
We're still prisoners of love
PRISON GUARD:
Hey, Bialystock, Bloom, Liebkind, good news! This just
came from the governor:
'Gentlemen, you are hereby granted a full pardon for
having -
through song and dance - brought joy and laughter into
the hearts of
every murderer, rapist and sex maniac in Sing Sing.'
You're free!
LEO:
Free!
MAX:
Next stop, Broadway!
MAX & CONVICTS:
But hearts in love are always free!
ULLA & GIRL PRISONERS:
Prisoners of love
Blue skies above
Can't keep our hearts in jail!
ROGER:
Can't keep our hearts in jail!
ULLA & GIRL PRISONERS:
Prisoners of love
Our turtle doves
ROGER:
Soon coming 'round with bail
ULLA & GIRL PRISONERS:
Tote that bale!
MALE PRISONERS:
You can lock us up
and lose the key
ALL:
But hearts in love are always free!
ROGER, ULLA & ALL PRISONERS:
Prisoners of love
Blue skies above
'Cause we're still prisoners...
We're still prisoners...
We're still prisoners of love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
Love!
LEO & MAX:
Leo and Max
Up off our backs
Back on the Great White Way!
Leo and Max
Back on our tracks
We're back on top to stay!
So when we take your money, never fear
We'll knock Broadway right on its ear
The cast is great
The script is swell
But this we're tellin' you, sirs
It's just no go, you got no show
Without the producers!
We'll never quit
Hit after hit
You and me-o
We guarantee-o
You're lookin' at Leo
And Max!!
ENTIRE ENSEMBLE:

It's a life of crime
She wanted more than I could give her
She wanted much too much
Now matter how I tried to deliver
I couldn't give her enough
Then out of simple desperation
I stole a Japanese car
It was the needed inspiration
She tore me apart
Now I've become a creature of habit
Too late to turn back now
I've taken everything for her love
So she would stay around
I know it's bound to one day happen
They're gonna give me the gas
As long as she is touching me

Just one thing important to me
That's the place I wanna be
Beside her
My vital systems are in overload
They're telling me I'm out of control
When I see her
Sensations
All in my mind
Sensations
All of the time
No solutions ying in sight
No resistance, no way to fight
The feelings
I can't leave her
No letting go
She's sending lightning into my soul
When I touch her
She teaches me what lovin's about
Nobody else keeps on wearing me out

CHORUS:
Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
And now it's...
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Rhineland's a fine land once more!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Watch out, Europe
We're going on tour!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany...
CHORUS:
Look, it's springtime
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
Winter for Poland and France
CHORUS AND STORMTROOPER:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany!
CHORUS:
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
STORMTROOPER:
Come on, Germans
Go into your dance!
STORMTROOPER 'ROLF':
I was born in Dusseldorf und that is why they call me
Rolf.
STORMTROOPER 'MEL':
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi
party!
ULLA:
The Fuhrer is coming, the Fuhrer is coming, the Fuhrer
is coming!
STORMTROOPER #1:
Heil Hitler!
STORMTROOPER #2:
Heil Hitler!
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
Heil Hitler!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
ALL:
Heil Hitler!
ROGER:
Heil myself
Heil to me
I'm the kraut
Who's out to change our history
Heil myself
Raise your hand
There's no greater
Dictator in the land!
Everything I do, I do for you!
CHORUS:
Yes, you do!
ROGER:
If you're looking for a war, here's World War Two!
Heil myself
Raise your beer
CHORUS:
Jawohl!
ROGER:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi stand and cheer
CHORUS:
Hooray!
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
Heil myself!
CHORUS:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
Heil myself!
CHORUS:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
...stand and cheer!
THE HEIL-LOs:
The Fuhrer is causing a furor!
He's got those Russians on the run
You gotta love that wacky hun!
The Fuhrer is causing a furor
They can't say 'no' to his demands
They're freaking out in foreign lands
He's got the whole world in his hands
The Fuhrer is causing a furor!
ROGER:
I was just a paper hanger
No one more obscurer
Got a phone call from the Reichstag
Told me I was Fuhrer
Germany was blue
What, oh, what to do?
Hitched up my pants
And conquered France
Now Deutschland's smiling through!
But it wasn't always so easy...
It was 1932. Hindenburg was working the Big Room and
I...
I was playing the lounge. And then I got my big break.
Somebody burned down the Reichstag. And, would you
believe it?
They made me Chancellor. Chancellor!
It ain't no myst'ry
If it's politics or hist'ry
The thing you gotta know is
Ev'rything is show biz
Heil myself
Watch my show
I'm the German Ethel Merman
Dontcha know
We are crossing borders
The new world order is here
Make a great big smile
Ev'ryone sieg heil to me
Wonderful me!
And now it's...
CHORUS:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Goose-step's the new step today
ROGER:
Springtime!
Goose-steps!
CHORUS MEN:
Bombs falling from the skies again
CHORUS:
Deutschland is on the rise again
ROGER & CHORUS:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
U-boats are sailing once more
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
ROGER:
Means that...
CHORUS:
Soon we'll be going...
ROGER:
We've got to be going...
CHORUS:
You know we'll be going....
ROGER:
You bet we'll be going...
ROGER & CHORUS:

She's got a certain kinda motion when she's walkin'
Walkin' down the street
I'm gonna give her my devotion
'Cause she really knocks me off my feet
She's a certain kinda girl
It's for certain
That I'm gonna make her mine
She's a certain kinda girl
It's for certain
That she's going to be mine
She looks so continental
Though she's only, only seventeen
You know she's really sentimental

I dream dreams
You're dreaming of me
I'm thinking thoughts
Of you thinking of me
Though it's all in vain
I do it anyway
I watch you
While you're watching me
I'm wondering what
You're thinking of me
Though it's all in vain
I'll do it anyway
I've known some girls, they were typical girls
Typically fit in a typical world
You know they couldn't hold a candle to you
So I'll have to say...
Here's to you
Someday
I hope it's soon
I'll find the strength
To confess it to you
Though it's all in vain
I'll do it anyway
'Til that day
I'm dreaming dreams
I'm thinking thoughts
Of you thinking of me
Though it's all in vain

He's looking over my shoulder
Though I'm with you tonight
He knows that he'll have you tomorrow
And you'll be holding him tight
I can't explain what she does to me
Nobody knows what she does to me
Too bad that she does the same to you
I can't forget what she does to me
Nobody does what she does to me
Too bad that she does the same to you
You're driving me crazy
You show affections for him
You tell him all of my secrets
I don't think I can win
I want you Diana
He wants you Diana
We want you Diana

She wants to make him happy
But must he have everything
Her defenses are breaking
Pretty soon she'll give in, oh yeah
Boys say when
Girls say why
Boys get mad
Girls they cry
He invites her over
Sneaks her up to his room
Gives her his best performance
She falls in love with him, oh yeah
He took advantage of her
But what did he win
He took the spoils from her
But she took his heart from him
The tables are turning on him
He wants to make her happy
But must she have everything
You see she wants to get married
Pretty soon he'll give in, oh yeah
Girls say when
Boys say why
Girls get mad

ULLA:
Ven you got it, flaunt it
Step right up and strut your stuff
People tell you modesty's a wirtue
But in the theatre modesty can hurt you
Ven you got it, flaunt it
Show your assets, let them know you're proud
Your goodies you must push
Stick out your chest, shake your tush
Ven you got it, shout it out loud
Now Ulla dance.
Ven you got it, show it
Put your hidden treasures on display
Violinists love to play an E-string
But audiences really love a G-string
Ven you got it, should it!
Let the whole vorld hear vat you're about
Clothes may make the man
All a girl needs is a tan
Ven you got it, let it hang out!
Remember ven Ulla dance?
MAX & LEO:
Yeah!
ULLA:
Ulla dance again!
Ven I was yust a little girl in Sveden
My thoughtful mother gave me this advice
If nature blesses you from top to bottom
Show that top to bottom, don't think twice
Now Ulla belt!
Don't think twice!
Ven you got it, share it
Let the public feast upon your charms
People say that being prim is proper
But ev'ry showgirl knows that prim will stop her
If you got it, give it
Don't be selfish, give it all a-vay
Don't be shy, be bold 'n' cute
Show the boys your birthday suit
Ven you got it, if you got it

MAX:
The time has come
To be a lover from the Argentine
To slick my hair down with Brilliantine
And gargle heavily with Listerine
Wow!
It's time for Max
To put his backers on their backs
And thrill them with amazing acts
Those aging nymphomaniacs...
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah!
They were helpless
They were hopeless
Then along came Bialy!
They were joyless
They were boyless
Then along came Bialy!
They're my angels
I'm their devil
And I keep those embers aglow
When I woos 'em
I can't lose 'em
'Cause I cast my spell 'n'
They start yellin'
Fire down below!
They were listing
They were sinking
Then along came Bialy!
They were desp'rate
They were drinking
Then along came Bialy!
So romantic
They were frantic
Then their prayers were heard up above!
Heaven sent them
Their Bialy!
I'm the celebration of love!
LITTLE OLD LADIES:
We were helpless
We were hopeless
Then along came Bialy!
HOLD ME - TOUCH ME:
Life had passed us by
And love had stolen away
LICK ME - BITE ME:
At the end of our rope
We'd given up hope
Of one last roll in the hay
KISS ME - FEEL ME:
Discarded dolls
Abandoned wrecks
ALL 3 LITTLE OLD LADIES:
Condemned to a life
Of sitting and knitting
When all we really wanted was ... sex!
MAX:
Ah, did you bring the checkee, my little turtledove?
HOLD ME - TOUCH ME:
Yes, but first, Bialy, can we please play one dirty
little game?
MAX:
Here in broad daylight?
HOLD ME - TOUCH ME:
It'll just be a quickie.
MAX:
Okay, what, what?
HOLD ME - TOUCH ME:
Let's play the Distracted Tourist and the Ever-Watchful
Orangutan.
MAX:
Oy, are you trying to kill me? Please, I'm exhausted.
Let's play one game with absolutely no sex.
HOLD ME - TOUCH ME:
What?
MAX:
How 'bout the Jewish Princess and Her Husband.
LITTLE OLD LADIES:
So romantic
We were frantic
Then our prayers were heard up above
Heaven sent us
Our Bialy!
He's the celebration of love!
MAX:
Fire down below!
LITTLE OLD LADIES:
We were listing
We were sinking
Then along came Bialy!
We were desp'rate
We were drinking
Then along came Bialy!
So romantic
We were frantic
Then our prayers were heard up above!
It's Bialy!
Hail, Bialy!
He's the culmination
The restoration
The consummation
The titillation
Ejaculation
He's the celebration of love...
MAX:
Bloom...Bloom!
LEO:
What, Max, what?
MAX:
I've done it! I've done it! Look, we got all the money.
Now all we have to do it put on the biggest flop in
history!
LEO:
That's great!
MAX & LEO:
We can do it, we can do it
We can make a million bucks!
ULLA:
Bialystock and Bloom, Bialystock and Bloom!
The show's a go!
ROGER & CARMEN:
He's raised the money, we're on our way
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
We have our backing, oh, what a day
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
Wonder of wonders, we have all our cash
Barring all blunders, we should have a smash!
We know that...we can do it!
ROGER, CARMEN & THE TEAM:
Gay, gay, gay, gay...
Gay, gay, gay, gay...
Gay, gay, gay, gay
MAX & LEO:
We can do it! We can do it!
We can do it
We can make a million bucks!
Ev'rything we've ever wanted
Is set to come our way
We know that...we can do it!
We can make it, we won't fake it
We were fated to be mated...
ULLA:
Bialystock and Bloom...
Bialystock and Bloom...
Bialystock and Bloom!
And Bloom!
Bialystock and Bloom!
And Bloom!
Bialystock and Bloom...
FRANZ:
Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles
Alles in der welt!
Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles
Alles in der welt!
LITTLE OLD LADIES:
Then along came Bialy!
We were desp'rate
We were drinking
Then along came Bialy!
Bialy was romantic
Our pulse became so frantic
It's Bialy!
Hail Bialy!
ULLA & FRANZ:
Bialystock and Bloom...
ULLA, FRANZ, ROGER, CARMEN & THE TEAM:
Bialystock and Bloom...
MAX, LEO, ULLA, FRANZ, ROGER, CARMEN & THE TEAM:
Bialystock and Bloom!!
MAX & LEO:
We can do it...
ALL EXCEPT MAX & LEO:
They can do it...
ALL:
Say goodbye to woe and gloom
MAX & LEO:
We can do it...
ALL EXCEPT MAX & LEO:
Nothing to it...
ALL:
Can't you hear that bing-bang-boom!!
ALL EXCEPT MAX & LEO:
With their brilliance
Their resilience
Up together they will zoom!
MAX & LEO:
We can't miss!
ALL EXCEPT MAX & LEO:
They were fated to be mated