You can prepare for many things during your pregnancy, but with many women making the sudden leap from full-time worker to full-time mum, the dramatic change can be a shock to the system.
When your only company for the majority of the day does not much more than eat, sleep and poop, you can get lonely. The tiredness and repetition of your days can be debilitating in those initial months, and if you're not careful you can feel isolated and even depressed.
Take a look at these simple tips at staving off the new mum loneliness.
Find a local mother's group
Some women find their tribe at mother's groups, while others can't stand the thought of it. Even if you're not keen on the idea, popping by in the first few weeks can be a good way to see the faces of other mums of newborns in your local area.
Mum of three boys, Skye Vogel, began her own group when she had her first baby. "I started a mother's group when my first was born, staring with a few mums in my maternity class, and it now has 70 members. Then we made a Facebook page called 'Gold Coast playgroup for mums 30+'. We have nights out and I have made some really good friends."
Search Facebook for similar groups in your area, or even start your own.
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Reach out to friends in a similar situation
It's easy to feel like you're the only person experiencing these feelings when you're in the trenches, but a phone call to a friend may help you feel less alone.
Mel Hunt found that calling her friends who also had babies was a godsend. "I was lucky enough to have friends going through similar things at the same time. There were many frantic text exchanges between us, during the day and the middle of the night, offering support and words of encouragement. It helped enormously."
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Of course, even calling a friend who has no children can be a support – a quick chat with a friendly voice may be all it takes to lift your mood.
Join a mums and bubs exercise class
When you're tired, exercise can feel like the last thing you fancy doing, but studies show that exercise actually gives you more energy.
"Exercise gets the endorphins and feel-good hormones going," says Yasmin Tselepis, owner of Yummy Mummys Fitness. "You feel like you are doing something for yourself and you're exercising with others mums who are also at various levels of fitness and energy levels. There is camaraderie and mums can chat as they work out, with that social connection as well as feeling better. You reap the physical benefits for up to 24 hours after."
Go for a walk
Getting out into the daylight is a fantastic mood booster. Whether it's a long brisk walk or a stroll around the block, the change of scenery is good for both mother and baby.
Jo Hartley realized that a daily excursion was great for her sanity. "I lived in Groundhog Day for a few weeks until I could stand it no more and then I went out and did something each day - even if it just meant a walk to the park where I knew other mums would be," she says. Seeing other faces, and having some basic interaction with others, really can give you a lift through those long, lonely days.
Do a course
While many mothers find that staying on top of the day-to-day tasks is more than enough to keep busy, others find that they get bored.
After the birth of her second child, Sarah Wayland didn't find much support at her mothers group, but it inspired her to start something big. "I admitted I was bored at a newborn support group and got yelled at," Sarah says. "So I started my PhD."
While a PhD is quite a massive undertaking, some women choose this time to study something they've always been interested in, or take short online courses.
Seeking company online
Not everyone is fortunate enough to have family around them, and not all people in their twilight years have families to love.
Although spending time with people you don't know isn't for everyone, you can find surrogate grandparents to share your life and spend quality time with. Findagrandparent.org.au can help your find the right match.
You can also chat with other parents online – join a forum to meet parents who have kids the same age as you, or to talk to other parents in your area. On the forums you'll find support and a friendly ear 24 hours a day, pretty much every day of the year.
Stay connected
"Schedule some interaction into your day," says clinical psychologist and family expert Dr Sasha Lynn. "Whether it's a simple text to a friend, or an email to your partner, or calling a relative, just one little connection can make the difference."
Some people even find that social media is a great way to maintain connection at this time.
Hearing impaired and living in a remote area, Rebecca MacFarlane really felt isolated as a stay-at-home mum. "I was completely deaf at the time – I've received a cochlear implant since," she explains. "I had pre-eclampsia and had a bad recovery from a c-section. I didn't know anyone in my area, and I didn't leave the house for the first 10 weeks. I relied on Facebook and the internet to keep me talking and emailing people."
Be aware of your self-talk
Managing the way we talk to ourselves can be one of the biggest helps, according to Dr Lynn.
"Check your self-talk," she says. "Seriously, it's at the core of everything we feel and do. If you're saying to yourself 'this sucks, I've got no one. I'm so alone, no one understands', how do you think you're going to feel?"
"While it's not a matter of turning around and being 'positive' – because, let's face it, sometimes it is crappy and lonely doing the grind with a new bub day in, day out – it's important to try and balance out those thoughts.
"Try to replace that not-so-helpful thought with 'yeah, it can get a bit lonely during the day, but this phase isn't going to last forever'. It takes a bit of practice, but it is an invaluable skill."
- Essential Baby
