MISS GREAT BRITAIN: Anyone that goes to Buckingham Palace after this will be sorely disappointed to see the guards don't look like this. They definitely, definitely wear trousers. It looks like she got caught out playing strip Changing of the Guards. "But guys, I'm sure a straight beats three of a kind?" Every other guard: "No, it definitely doesn't, someone must have been having you on. Guess you better lose those pants then..."

MISS USA: The States - anything but understated. Not sure what the floating headdress is about but I'm getting major the Genie from Aladdin vibes. 'Murica.

MISS NETHERLANDS: Yep, all the icons are there - the sunflowers, probably some clogs under the skirt, and Van Gogh's Starry Night. Hang on a minute though, I can't clearly see both of her ears ... and you just never know how "authentic" some of these girls are willing to be to grasp themselves a crown.

MISS NEW ZEALAND: If the Little Mermaid went to uni and suddenly had to live on a student budget, something like this would happen. Paua shells and strips of the cheapest, most electric-shock-giving material. Forget her voice, Ursula, get rid of this dress, please.

MISS BRAZIL: I mean it's just what you'd expect from the country of carnival, isn't it? She looks straight-up out of a Victoria's Secret show and we bet every other contest is sick with envy at just what a jammy gig the Brazilians have with all their Mardi Gras options (especially you, Miss Canada).

MISS PORTUGAL: If a kea and a mermaid mated, I'm pretty sure this would be the outcome.

MISS VENEZUELA: The reason for her slightly pained scream isn't the weight of that crown, nor that fact she's been coerced into one of Britney Spears' sequinned body stocking rejects, it's because a swarm of bees have just come home to roost and boy are they hungry.

MISS INDIA: Giving worried dads around the world an ingenious solution for how to keep potential suitors an arm's length away from their daughters

MISS LITHUANIA: As if the bikini round wasn't revealing enough, she raised her game for the costume contest. "Bugger this something representing your country lark, I just want POINTS."

MISS COLOMBIA: There's something about those huge plasticky flowers and clumpy shoes that makes this feel very '90s Hawaiian Barbie (anyone remember those?). The umbrella is definitely needed as protection against anyone still wetting themselves laughing over Canada's offering.

MISS DOMINICAN REPUBLIC: Because who says you can't wear the same thing twice, even for an international beauty pageant? Miss DM decided to recycle her (admittedly pretty bling) costume from her school nativity.

MISS SPAIN: Oh, I guess we can all go home now, looks like the winner's crowned herself.

MISS SOUTH AFRICA: I mean, if Beyonce did beauty pageants ... Seriously, this is hands-down flawless, from the beaded corset down to the music-video gust of wind.