A joke is something spoken, written, or done with humorous intention. Jokes may have many different forms, e.g., a single word or a gesture (considered in a particular context), a question-answer, or a whole short story. The word "joke" has a number of synonyms, including wisecrack, gag, prank, quip and jest.
To achieve their end, jokes may employ irony, sarcasm, word play and other devices. Jokes may have a punch line, i.e. an ending to make it humorous.
A practical joke or prank differs from a spoken joke in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl).
Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat" or "bombed". However, jokes have other purposes and functions, common to comedy/humour/satire in general.
Jokes have been a part of human culture since at least 1900 BC. According to research conducted by Dr Paul McDonald of the University of Wolverhampton, a fart joke from ancient Sumer is currently believed to be the world's oldest known joke. Britain's oldest joke, meanwhile, is a 1,000-year-old double-entendre that can be found in the Codex Exoniensis.
Stewart Francis is a Canadian stand-up comedian, actor and writer. In addition to his work in Canada and the USA, he frequently tours in the UK and appears on British television. Both of Francis' parents are British.
Francis delivers a deadpan performance with many one-liners.
Francis has headlined all over North America and the United Kingdom, and performed in numerous venues worldwide, including Hong Kong, South Africa, and throughout Europe.
On 6 June 2009 he performed on the Edinburgh section of Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow.
Francis was the support act for Ricky Gervais on his Science tour, performing in such places as Portsmouth Guildhall, New Theatre, Oxford, Brighton Centre and the O2 Arena in Dublin in late 2009 and early 2010.
He has also made 9 appearances on popular British panel show Mock The Week.
He appeared on Live at the Apollo on 9 December 2010.
Stewart starred as a series regular on An American in Canada and also acted in Kevin Hill. In 2007, he appeared in an episode of the BBC sitcom Not Going Out as Hillary Allison (The producers said in an interview that he had been considered for the part of recurring character Guy, but rejected because he was too young and given this role instead). He also made a brief appearance in The Omid Djalili Show.
Christopher Julius "Chris" Rock III (born February 7, 1965) is an American comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer, film producer, and director.
After working as a standup comic and appearing in small film roles, Rock came to wider prominence as as a cast member of Saturday Night Live in the early 1990s. He went on to more prominent film roles, and a series of acclaimed comedy specials for HBO.
He was voted in the US as the 5th greatest stand-up comedian of all time by Comedy Central. He was also voted in the UK as the 9th greatest stand-up comic on Channel 4's 100 Greatest Stand-Ups in 2007, and again in the updated 2010 list as the 8th greatest stand-up comic.
Rock was born in Andrews, South Carolina. Shortly after his birth, his parents moved to Crown Heights, Brooklyn, New York. A few years later, they relocated and settled in the working-class area of Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. His mother, Rosalie (née Tingman), was a teacher and social worker for the mentally handicapped; his father, Julius Rock, was a former truck driver and newspaper deliveryman. Julius died in 1988 after ulcer surgery. His younger brothers Tony, Kenny and Jordan are also in the entertainment business. His older half-brother, Charles, died in 2006 after a long struggle with alcoholism. Rock has said that he was influenced by the performing style of his paternal grandfather, Allen Rock, a preacher.
Vice Ganda (born March 31, 1976) is a Filipino stand-up comedian, television host and actor. He is best known as the main judge on ABS-CBN’s talent show It's Showtime and the host of Gandang Gabi, Vice!.
He is declared as 43rd Box Office Entertainment Awards, Phenomenal Box Office Star & Male Concert Performer of the Year, in the year 2012.
He is also known for his lead roles in commercially successful films Petrang Kabayo and The Unkabogable Praybeyt Benjamin which became the highest-grossing film in Philippines.
He gained popularity for his comic routines, for which he uses observational comedy on typical “Pinoy” lifestyle and his use of situational irony and sarcasm when reacting to Filipino culture & behavior and human sexuality. He is the first openly gay endorser for a major product in the Philippines, which is Globe Telecom in the Philippines.
Vice, Jose Marie Viceral, is the youngest of five children. He grew up in the neighborhood of José Abád Santos Street in Manuguit, Tondo, Manila. His father, a barangay captain, was murdered when he was young prompting his mother to work as a caregiver abroad leaving them by themselves. He obtained his college education at Far Eastern University studying Political Science. Around the age of 19, Vice was writing and performing his stand-up comic routines in comedy bars in Ermita, Manila.
James Anthony Patrick "Jimmy" Carr (born 15 September 1972) is an Irish-born British comedian and humourist. He is known for his deadpan delivery, dark humour and his use of edgy one-liners. He is also a writer, actor and presenter of radio and television.
Carr moved to a career in comedy in 2000. After becoming established as a stand-up comedian, Carr began to appear in a number of Channel 4 television shows, most notably as the host of the panel show 8 out of 10 Cats. In Ireland he is known for appearances on The Panel and The Late Late Show.
Carr was born in Limerick, Ireland to parents Patrick James (born March 1945), a Roman Catholic and self-made millionaire who became treasurer for computer company Unisys, and Nora Mary (née Lawlor, 19 September 1943 – 7 September 2001), who died of pancreatitis in St Thomas' Hospital, London, aged 57. His parents married in 1970, separated in 1994, but never divorced. His father married Natasha in 2003. Carr has an older brother, Colin, and a younger brother, Patrick. Carr was educated at Royal Grammar School in High Wycombe. he also attended St Bernards's Catholic Grammar School also in Slough. Carr's father was not happy with the school so moved him to Burnham Grammar School
Cut the lights down
Cut the music up under my zone
(Wouhw)
BlockEnt
[Chorus:]
Shawty I'm a only tell you this once you tha baddest (babadadado)
And by the way that you attract me I see you a magnet (babadadado)
You got style, you you got class co, colgate smile and girl you gat it (Well you know)
You like my candy girl, want you my candy swearl, girl you're my whole world (whol whol world)
Your love, your love (yea)
Your love, your love (yea)
Your love, your love (yea)
Your love, your love (yea)
Your love, your love
Your love, your love
Your love, your love
Your love, your love
(Eh)
Now she the type who don't mess with'em
Put smile nice way men she going to win
Hair done, nails done keep her abs on slim a, abs on slim, yea she staying at gym
Anyways, I think I met her before maybe on a runway Christian Dior
Maybe on a sunday (wouh) praise the lord
Are you fancy han [?] Well I can't afford
No "S" on my chest cause me no savior
If she don't choose the boy then she must be crazy
But I really think she like me cause she be calling me baby
I call her my momma cause my momma know she my baby.
[Chorus]
Now she the type to have you dyin when I please her
Heart her when I hold her, stuck her when I squeeze her [?] (Eh)
Momma please can I keep her, [?]
I wanna call her "Baby" just like my boy Bieber.
Anyways I think I met her up in class
She was doing english I'm trying get the maths
When she talked to me, heart starts to bitten fast
Kind like Drake said " You the best I eva haaad "
I'm Jacquees so I'm putting my swag on
And spit hot faya Block gots the track on
(Eh) So I'm puttin my swag On
And spit hot faya Block gots the track on.
[Chorus]
Find me in the light, I'm still by your side
Find me in your heart, I'm a need of your love
(Oh, ohh)
Your love, your love, your love
(AOUW)
Girl I'm a need of your love
Your love, your love, your love
Need... need need...
Need need need (OUH)
(Listen to the track)
[Chorus: Jacquees]
She loves the way I do it
She wants tickets to the show (LEEGO)
Screaming from the stands
All you hear is "JA GO" (LEGGO)
Jacquees turnt it up (LEGGO)
Girl do you dance? (LEGGO)
Taking to the floor (WH wh wh where your hands at?) (LEEGOO)
[Chorus: Jason]
Go, go girl youu know come trip out there
Let's just loose control
It's an automatic goal when we here we hit the doe
You know that's why I do it for for for, ouh, ouh yeaah
[Jacquees:]
Hey lil'mama yeah you know how I do (YEAH)
When she get with me, shawty you will never loose (NAH)
Please don't get confuse (NAH)
You know I get it poppin (YA)
We could get it rockin (YA)
(Yeaa Jacquees keep it poppin aouw)
Up on the floor I see you moving to the beat (GO)
If you keep it going I confu I'm gonna keep (GO)
I'm loving how you're style is, how you rocking out the beat (AOUW)
You not ask me no more questions baby you know how I think (LEEGGO)
[Jason:]
Look my No hands
Look look look my, my hands
Don't you see a couple friend, I, I, I'm in your plans (GO)
I, I, I'm tha new brand I, I, I am the man
[Jacquees:]
But all I know is when I see her commin she be saying that she... (LEGGO)
[Chorus: Jacquees]
She loves the way I do it
She wants tickets to the show (LEEGO)
Screaming from the stands
All you hear is "JA GO " (LEGGO)
Jacquees turnt it up (LEGGO)
Girl do you dance? (LEGGO)
Taking to the floor (wh wh where your hands at?) (LEEGOO)
[Chorus: Jason]
Go, go girl youu knoww come trip out there
Let's just loose control
It's an automatic goal when we here we hit the doe
You know that's why I do it for for for, ouh, ouh yeaah
(Man I don't think it's over with you)
[Jason:]
I been waiting on you so you need to put it on me (HEELLO)
I'm really digging this, girl I neva gets phony (NO, NO)
I'm balling out tonite so you need to hit this club (CLUB)
I'm not ballin with milwake but I got alot of bucks
I'm splurging all the time like every other day (DAY)
No hands wale, waka say let's go like Jacquees dem say (SAY)
20, 000 thousand on her that how we play (PLAY)
No hands no pants you dance to fans who can we can make a scene
I directed this movie all your action you just do your thing (You just do your thing)
When we remix this song no hands Jacquees and Jason gone again
I'm only in my 1st life so I'm dreaming then I'm born again rapping in this tone again what is going on again (WAKE UP)
Ray charles sucka they can't see me boy I'm born to win.
[Chorus: Jacquees]
She loves the way I do it
She wants tickets to the show (LEEGO)
Screaming from the stands
All you hear is "JA GO "
Jacquees turnt it up (LEGGO)
Girl do you dance? (LEGGO)
Taking to the floor (wh wh where your hands at?) (LEEGOO)
[Chorus: Jason]
Go, go girl you know come trip out there
Let's just loose control
It's an automatic goal when we here we hit the doe
You know that's why I do it for for for, ouh, ouh yeaah
I won't stop running, money won't stop coming
I won't stop running, money won't stop coming
Look, breathe, yeah!
0K, let go!
Chorus:
Oh, oh, oh
OK, let go!
They're about nothing, always fighting
I'm getting money, this is all I know, know
I can't say they're about nothing, I'm about something
I'mma keep running, this is all I know!
I won't stop running, money won't stop coming
I won't stop running, money won't stop coming
I am bulletproof, but you ain't eaven
Niggers making promises, but they don't keep 'em
Clothes matching the tune, the tune matching the shoes
The shoes matching the hat, so...
They're Michael Jackson, I'm bad!
All these little chicks niggas... I had
My bed, my swag, outcast stands out
I guess that's why my flow so...
Man, these nigga sweet, weak, not man
Dressed in all black...
Kidnap up your family for no ransom
Look at your boy, momma, so handsome
What you're doing? Gangsta rapping, no dancing
I'm a... and you're blind for sure
Sail underground... so down to earth!
... while I'm trying to float...
Girl, I thought you had love for me
Every day we're on, we got it...
Chorus:
They're about nothing, always fighting
I'm getting money, this is all I know, know
I can't say they're about nothing, I'm about something
I'mma keep running, this is all I know!
Yeah, I'm democratic but I'm living lavish
Last night we went to magic, it was cinematic
I wish I had a main girl, that I can spend this cash with
The bitch don't tell you that they lie you till you're in a casket!
So I act like I don't know 'em
You can't trust these...
I used to be a nice guy, I will ride...
Treat a woman with respect that will pardon my decorum
But now they call my phone, and I can't do shit for 'em
Friends will stab you in your back, like a pregnant bitch up and down
Haters is like... so ain't no...
Let up a couple shots... show them that!
Chorus:
They're about nothing, always fighting
I'm getting money, this is all I know, know
I can't say they're about nothing, I'm about something
I'mma keep running, this is all I know!
Man, I say they're about nothing, I'm about something
I'mma keep running, this is all I know
Won't stop running, running, won't stop running
I won't stop getting money, I won't stop coming
... Skip in the lies, and now my home is fire
I see you're watching, I see you're watching,
I see you're watching, nigga
I see you're watching me now
And you can come and take that
And I won't stop chasing this money
I'mma get money, cause this is what I know
Chorus:
They're about nothing, always fighting
I'm getting money, this is all I know, know
I can't say they're about nothing, I'm about something
I'mma keep running, this is all I know!
Man, I say they're about nothing, I'm about something
(Verse 1)
Calling, she's calling, calling, keeps calling my phone
She says she wants me to come over, after I (I) leave
the studio (studio)
She wanna hear that new beat, that I'm singing on
She says Jacquees, that's my favorite song
I,I can play it all night long, rewind it, play it, p-
play it all night long
(Chorus)
You'll be in here singing my melodies all night, a-a-
all night
Climb on top and add the harmonies, all night, a-a-all
night looong
We gon play your favorite song, all night, a-a-all
night
Girl we gon play your favorite song, all night, a-a-all
night
(Verse 2)
She said, she said, she said I know you made this just
for me
Ooh girl I must confess, I love the way you ride the
beat
If you wanna (If you wanna), I know you wanna (I know
you wanna)
Oh baby if you wanna, I-I can play it all night long,
rewind it, play it p-play it all night long
(chorus 2x)
(hook)
Turn it up, don't turn me doown (naw)
Turn it up, cause tonight is going d-o-o-wn
(Chorus)
(bridge)
Hab dich im Traum gesehn,
es war so wunderschön
in einem weißen Hochzeitskleid.
Mein Herz schlägt nur für dich,
glaub mir ich brauche dich
und hoffe es ist bald soweit.
Komm mit ins Wunderland,
es liegt in deiner Hand.
Sei einfach froh
und wünsch dir was.
wir schaun zum Himmelsstern,
die Mädchen träumen gern
und mit dir machts den größten Spaß.
Bridge:
Glück muss man erst finden,
Tränen überwinden,
dann leuchtet erst der goldene Ring.
Manchmal muss man warten
bis im Rosengarten
alle Blumen blühn.
Mein Traum fliegt zu dir hin,
sowie ein Schmetterling
und bring dir dieses Lied.
Es singt von Wedding Peach,
hör auf die Melodie,
sie sagt dir: "Ich vergess dich nie!"
Es singt von Wedding Peach,
hör auf die Melodie,
sie sagt dir: "Ich vergess dich nie!"
Your my Juxe, your my Juxe
I keep on tring evrywhere I Juxe
Um die ewige Juxe dreht sich unser leben
dem Gesetz der Juxe sind wir geweiht
Juxe, Juxe que pes
una Juxe es que Juxe es
cherry, cherry Juxe
cherry, cherry Juxe
Juuuxeee...
Everyday my heart is sore
Seeing that I'm so poor
But I shall not give up so easy oooh
Cause there's a reward for me
There's a reward for me...
Though I'm bordered down with shame
There's no one for me to blame
But I shall not give up so easy
Cause there's a reward for me, oooh yeah
There's a reward for me.
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
You know no one cares for me
I've never known sympathy
Sometimes I look to the world with a smile
Man you hear what I say...
Everyday my heart is sore
Seeing that I'm so poor
But I shall not give up so easy
Oh no no no no non no
Cause there's a reward for me...
Cause there's a reward for me.
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
You know no one cares for me
I've never known sympathy
Sometimes I look to the world with a smile
Man you hear what I say...
Everyday my heart is sore
Seeing that I'm so poor
But I shall not give up so easy
Oh no no no no non no
Cause there's a reward for me
Why don't you write me,darling
send me a letter,
tell me you love me dear
make me feel better
I love you
yes it's you I adore
(you I adore)
when I first met you darling
I realized and for you dear
I did advise please darling
won't you send me a line(send me a line)
I miss you so each day
although you're gone away
I guess I'll love you more and more
and as the days go by
I sometimes often cry
You come home at night sit down for a bite
And you're wore out (wore out)
You're hardly able to get up from the table
'Cause you're wore out (wore out)
You crawl into bed sleep like you're dead
'Cause you're wore out (wore out)
In the morning you wake up can't seem to get up
'Cause you're wore out
When we get to heaven with jesus our king
We won't have to worry about any thing
We'll be happy and free
And our bodies won't be (wore out)
You get up on sunday dread to see monday
'Cause you're wore out (wore out)
You go sit in church your back starts to hurt
'Cause you're wore out (wore out)
The choir starts to sing but you can't feel a thing
'Cause you're wore out (wore out)
You pray the sermon and psalm won't last too long
'Cause you're wore out
When we get to heaven with jesus our king
We won't have to worry about any thing
We'll be happy and free
And our bodies won't be (wore out)
You go for a drive in the car with your wife
And it's wore out (the car that is)
She starts to worry tells you not to hurry
'Cause it's wore out (oooh - oh - oh)
You don't know where you're at one of the tires has gone flat
'Cause it's wore out (oooh - oh - oh)
From the sound of the motor we'll soon have to tow her
'Cause she's wore out (oooh - oh - oh)
When we get to heaven with jesus our king
We won't have to worry about any thing
We'll be happy and free
Nothing there will ever be (wore out)
We'll be happy and free