King Ralph (1991)

Actors

• Roger Ashton-Griffiths (actor)
• Paul Beach (actor)
• Richard Bebb (actor)
• Cameron Blakely (actor)
• Terence Dackombe (actor)
• Guy Fithen (actor)
• Gareth Forwood (actor)
• Ian Gelder (actor)
• Julian Glover (actor)
• John Goodman (actor)
• Brian Greene (actor)
• Richard Griffiths (actor)
• Barrie Holland (actor)
• John Hurt (actor)
• Dallas Adams (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Romance

Taglines:

A comedy of majestic proportions
When Ralph becomes royalty, laughter reigns!
A great tragedy has befallen the royal family leaving only one heir to the throne...

Quotes:

Phipps: Sir Cedric! Sir Cedric! Good news. We've finally found an heir!::Sir Cedric Willingham: That's wonderful, Duncan. Who is he?::Phipps: His name is Jones. Ralph Jones.::Sir Cedric Willingham: Is he everything we've hoped for?::Phipps: [embarrassed] Well. He has his strengths and his weaknesses. You see, he's::[uncomfortable pause]::Phipps: American.::Sir Cedric Willingham: Quickly, Duncan! The strengths!

Sir Cedric Willingham: Your majesty, may I present the Sovereign King Mulamboa of Zambezi.::Ralph Jones: [seeing that the king is black, using a Eubonics dialect] Hey, homes! Whas happenin'! Gimme quintet, brother!::King Mulamboa: I do not comprehend, Your Majesty!::Ralph Jones: Uh, welcome, Your Majesty. On behalf of the people of the United Kingdom... [uncomfortable silence]::Ralph Jones: Uh, do you wanna go get a beer?

Hale: [Ralph has referred to Princess Anna as a 'fox'] I'm glad you find her so. Best wishes in your fox hunting.::King Gustav: Fox hunting? You like fox hunting, yes.::Ralph Jones: Well, I don't get out much lately. But I used to go out almost every evening. One club or another.::King Gustav: Really? That often? You must have collected several tails.::Ralph Jones: [shocked] Well, I admit I slept with a few. But I'm not like that anymore. Nowadays you can't be too careful. You don't know who they've been with.::King Gustav: No, I suppose not.::Ralph Jones: Yeah, once I got a steady girl, that put an end to it.::King Gustav: She did not like fox hunting?::Ralph Jones: Of course not! Anna's not into it, is she?::King Gustav: Oh, yes! She loves it! Most royals do.

Lord Percival Graves: [after Ralph accuses Graves of undermining him] This is an OUTRAGE! A VILE piece of slander! I demand to know the source of these allegations!::Ralph Jones: We have the signed confession of a royal page, Gordon Halliwell, who worked with Lord Graves.::Lord Percival Graves: I know NO SUCH MAN!::Ralph Jones: And several cheques made out to the photographers who took the pictures, signed by Lord Graves. Whose fingerprints were also on the photographs.::Lord Percival Graves: So! I saw them at the ball!::Ralph Jones: And Scotland Yard found the negatives at his house this morning.::Lord Percival Graves: [realizes he's been caught] By what right can you order my arrest!::Ralph Jones: By the Treason Act of 1702 forbidding interference in the proper succesion of a monarch. Enacted by...::[pause, as he recites the Order of the Kings poem to himself]::Ralph Jones: William III!::various Members of Parliament: [staggered throughout Parliament as Lord Graves is escorted out by Scotland Yard] SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!::Dysentery: [watching on TV] That's right! String him up! Wanker!

Sir Cedric Willingham: It is far easier to whisper advice from cover than to risk it's merit at the point of attack.

Sir Cedric Willingham: We'll put the velour industry on full standby.

Sir Cedric Willingham: How's it going, Your Majesty?::Ralph Jones: Great. We've got nothing in common and she's got a voice like a tuba. If she had her way, we'd have sex on a bed of nails on national television. But at least the party stinks.

Sir Cedric Willingham: It's I who should be thanking you. You showed me how to be a king.::Ralph Jones: Me? I was a lousy king.::Sir Cedric Willingham: On the contrary. You are a good and decent man, and you've acted honorably. I shall try to follow your example.::Ralph Jones: Thank you, Ced.

Sir Cedric Willingham: It's not enough simply to be the king. You must look and act like one.

[reciting some rules of etiquette to Ralph on videotape]::Phipps: When in public, a royal personage must refrain from chewing gum, using profanity, picking his nose, scratching his p... p... p... p... private parts and staring down the bust lines of visiting female dignitaries.::Ralph Jones: What the hell! That's everything!

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Walk All Over You - Dee Snider
• Uh Huh Huh - Dee Snider
• Inconclusion - Dee Snider
• Hard Core - Dee Snider
• The Wanderer - Dee Snider
• Sometimes You Win - Dee Snider
• Ride Through The Storm - Dee Snider
• Our Voice Will Be Heard - Dee Snider
• Isnt It Time - Dee Snider
• Detroit Rock City - Dee Snider
• Desperado - Dee Snider
• Cry You A Rainbow - Dee Snider
• Crazy Train - Dee Snider
• Call My Name - Dee Snider
• Cabaret - Dee Snider

Out of my way I'm running high
Take your chance with me and I'll give it a try
Ain't no woman in the world I know
'Cause I ain't looking for a woman,no!
Oh baby I ain't got much
Resistance to your touch
Take off the high heels, let down your hair
Paradise ain't far from there
I wanna walk all over you
I wanna walk all over you
Do anything you want me to, baby
I wanna walk all over you
Reflections on the bedroom wall
And there you thought you'd see it all
We're rising, falling like the sea
You're looking so good under me
I'm gonna walk all over you
I'm gonna walk all over you
Do anything you want me to do to you
I'm gonna walk all over you...Ill walk all over
(Roaming roaming stayin' alive
So gimme the stage, I'm gonna steal the show
Leave off the drapes and turn off the light
Tonight is gonna be the night
I'm gonna walk all over you
I'm gonna walk all over you
Do anything you want me to
I'm gonna walk all over
You ow.

CHORUS:
Uh huh huh, uh huh huh
Uh huh huh, uh huh huh
Check this out
I've been around, I've been back
Lost and found and back on the track
I said oh baby, there's a world I'd never known
Angel came, saw her face
Just one look and I was lost in space
I said oh baby, never leave my head alone
Well do it to me once, do it once again
My my my, hope this dream don't end
REPEAT CHORUS (2X)
Sweet little girl, little thing
Rock my world, how you make me sing
I said oh baby, put me in the pleasure zone
Lover girl, knock me out
Little girl, you make me scream and shout
I said oh baby, it's a world I've never known
Do it to me once, do it once again
My my my, hope this dream don't end
REPEAT CHORUS (2X)
Solo - Tony
Do it to me once, do it once again
My my my, hope this dream don't end
REPEAT CHORUS (3X)

I've died a thousand times, drowned in a sea of lies
Walked every path, through every door
Oh, how I've suffered through, a wicked man can do
But blind they can't ignore the things I have in store
These are the lies and in paradise
They can suffer for a few, never knowing they were used
This is the way, thing that needs them to the stay
Driven by the blackened heart, swaying as they come apart
What's done can't be undone, you're not the chosen one
Toleration seeps from every poor
Darkness anticipate, what's right you can't agrate
You struggle to ignore the things worth fighting for
These are the lies and in paradise
They can suffer for a few, never knowing they were used
Don't turn away, get down to your knees and pray
I'm the things you dare not hate, for the pain you look
the same
These are the lies, these are the lies, the little lies
These are the lies, these are the lies, the dirty little
lies
These are the lies, these are the lies, the dirty little
lies
These are the lies, these are the lies, the dirty little

Well, he don't care what people say
Hardcore metal's here to stay
And he don't know from right or wrong
He's hard and hungry, lean and strong
All right, let's go, yeah right
You know that he's home out on the road
PRE-CHORUS:
Born to lose, not to die
Ask no questions, tell no lies
Sworn to fun, heeds the call
Lives to rock, it's him against them all
CHORUS:
He's hardcore (hardcore)
Harcore (hardcore)
Nothin' less, nothin' more
He's hardcore (hardcore)
Hardcore (hardcore)
To the death, that's for sure
The power chord is all he needs
Kill or be killed his only creed
While death is certain, life is not
So he strikes while the iron's hot
C'mon, let's go, yeah right
He lives a hard life, it's all he knows
Rides to live, lives to ride
The iron horse by his side
Axe in hand blasts away
Then moves on to rock another day
REPEAT CHORUS
Right
Solo - Tony
REPEAT PRE-CHORUS
REPEAT CHORUS (2X)

I'm the type of guy who'll never settle down
Where pretty girls are, well you know that I'm around
I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all the
same
I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em, they don't even know my
name
They call me the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around, around, ooh
Oh well, I'm the type of guy who'll never settle down
Where pretty girls are, well you know that I'm around
I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all the
same
I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em, they don't even know my
name
They call me the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around
Well, there's Jo on my left arm and there's Mary on my
right
And Janey is the girl, yeah that I'll be with tonight
And when they ask me which one I love the best
I tear open my shirt, I've got Rosie on my chest
'Cause I'm the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around, around
Well, I roam from town to town
I go through life without a care
And I'm as happy as a clown
With my two fists of iron and I'm goin' nowhere
I'm the type of guy who likes to roam around
I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town
And when I find myself I'm a fallin' for some girl
I hop right into that car of mine, drive around the
world
'Cause I'm the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around
Solo - Dan
Oh well, I'm the type of guy who likes to roam around
I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town
And when I find myself I'm a fallin' for some girl
I hop right into that car of mine, drive around the
world
'Cause I'm the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around, around
'Cause I'm the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around, around, around

Let me tell you a little story now
In the beginning there was just no love to find
Then Eve told Adam, "bite this if you don't mind"
"Eve", said Adam as they left the garden
"This is something that should never have started"
Woah woah woah woah, but her apple did shine
CHORUS:
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
But if you play, honey you can't choose
Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose
What can you do?
So Cleopatra put her spell on Anthony
"Tony", said Cleo, "win this one for me"
So he fought until his blood was spillin'
But we know it was the bitch that killed him
Woah woah woah woah, but he made history, yeah
REPEAT CHORUS
Here comes that love again, sometimes a foe and
sometimes a friend
Here comes that love again, you never know who what
where or when
Here comes that love again, fun at the start but a pain
in the end
Here comes that love again, ooh look out
Solo - Dan
Well "Eve", said Adam as they left the garden
"This is something that should never have started"
Woah woah woah woah, but her apple did shine, oh yeah

Well i guess you could say this is the end
it's your time to leave, my old friend
fly, fly away
no need to hang around here no more
so go now before i close the door
but i need you so bad
can't seem to let go of all that i had
Chorus:
Ride through the storm
fighting our battles as we go along
ride through the storm
keep on ridin' on right through the storm
ridin' on right through the storm
Wanna tell you i'm glad you hung around
i was lost and afraid, but now i'm found
try, try again
aren't just words, they're my battle cry
i've found some new wings, i'm gonna fly
now i'm well on my way
i've heard all the warnings, there's no need to pray
Repeat chorus
Solo - tony
Still you stand by my side
what are you waiting for?
say you're in for the ride
well, now i'm really sure
we won't turn back no more
Ride through the storm
fighting our battles as we go along
ride through the storm
keep on ridin' on right through the storm
ridin' on right through the
Repeat chorus

One, two
One, two
One, two
We are the people, we are the one
We've got the numbers, we'll have the fun
Raise your fist in the air, show them all that you dare
And they'll know, yes they'll know
Our voive will be heard (2X)
Get motivated, choose your own road
You're filled with wonder, a power load
There's a world to be had, take the good, leave the bad
If they doubt, we'll scream and shout
Our voice will be heard (2X)
Solo - Dan
One, two
One, two
REPEAT FIRST VERSE
Our voice will be heard (4X)

As I lie awake at night I wonder
I wonder what you're feeling
Oh oh, oh oh
Are you alone or should I know that answer
But who's heart are you stealing
Oh oh, oh oh
PRE-CHORUS:
You took my love from me
I tried to play your game
I'll never know why hearts don't grow
But if they did I'm sure your's would stay the same
Isn't it time to stop your dancin'
Isn't it time for you to chance it
Isn't it time, isn't it time
Caught up in your wicked ways you step on
The innocent and needing
Oh oh, oh oh
Yet you laugh and walk away not knowing
That your heart's slowly bleeding
Oh oh, oh oh
In your false reality
You think you'll get away
But in the end those you offend
Are cursing you and soon you will have to pay
CHORUS:
Isn't it time to stop your dancin
Isn't it time for you to chance it
Isn't it time, isn't it time
Isn't it time to make some changes
Isn't it time to turn the pages
Isn't it time, isn't it time
Solo - Tony
Isn't it time
REPEAT CHORUS

I feel uptight on a Saturday night
Nine o'clock and the radio's the only light
I hear my song and it pulls me through
Comes on strong, tells me what I got to do
I got to
Get up
Everybody's gonna move their feet
Get down
Everybody's gonna leave their seat
You gotta lose your mind in Detroit Rock City
Get up
Everybody's gonna move their feet
Get down
Everybody's gonna leave their seat
Getting late, I just can't wait, no
Ten o'clock and I know I gotta hit the road
First I drink and then I smoke
Start up the car, and I try to make the midnight show
Let's go
Get up
Everybody's gonna move their feet
Get down
Everybody's gonna leave their seat
I'm movin' fast, doin' 95
Hit top speed but I'm still movin' much too slow
I feel so good, I'm so alive
I hear my song playin' on the radio
It goes
Get up
Everybody's gonna move their feet
Get down
Everybody's gonna leave their seat
It's twelve o'clock, I wanna rock
There's a truck ahead, lights starin' at my eyes
Oh my God, there's no time to turn
I got to laugh 'cause I know I'm gonna die
Get up
Everybody's gonna move their feet
Get up
Everybody's gonna leave their seat
Get up
Everybody's gonna move their feet
Get up

Now just look how much you gave
The people that you tried to save
They don't even wanna talk to you
And when you see just what you are
A desecrated fallen star
A bad man with something to prove
Better stop, don't you realize
It's yourself you compromise
And it's gonna take more than a lot
To give good as you got
CHORUS:
Desperado, how will the wind blow
You've got the fire, it's time to make a stand
Desperado, where did your love go?
Filled with desire, it's time to tip your hand
As you look back at the lies
How your love was pushed aside
You were beaten 'til you broke in two
Now as you climb out of your tomb
Your broken heart is filled with gloom
Do they know just what you're gonna do?
Better stop before you make a move
Think what you stand to lose
I know you're mad because you were burned
But is there something that you've learned?
REPEAT CHORUS
Wooh
Solo - Dan
REPEAT CHORUS
Desperado, how will the wind blow
You've got the fire, time to make a stand
Desperado, where did your love go?
Filled with desire, it's time to tip your hand
Desperado
Desperado
Desperado

Ooh, our love is strong
Is it stronger than the pain all around us
Things we never thought we'd see
Ten thousand kinds of misery
It's been bad for much too long
How much longer will we stand by complainin'
How our lives are so damn tough
Will we ever have enough
Will there ever come a day when it all gets swept away
Will I ever find the words to say
What I'm feelin' in my heart 'fore it finally comes
apart
Well I know where I'll start
I'm gonna cry you a rainbow
Gonna wash away your fear and shame
Gonna cry you a rainbow
Wanna wash away your pain
Ooh, we know it's wrong
Is it wronger to look on and do nothing?
Telling ourselves that we care
Clearly not enough to share
Is it down to me and you, it's so hard to face the
truth
Is there really something we can do?
Look around at those who hate, smiling as they sit in
wait
Before it gets too late
I'm gonna cry you a rainbow
Gonna wash away your fear and shame
Gonna cry you a rainbow
Wanna wash away your pain
Gotta wash away your pain
Solo - Dan
Will there ever come a day when it all gets swept away
Will I ever find the words to say
What I'm feelin' in my heart 'fore it finally comes
apart
Well I know where I'll start
I'm gonna cry you a rainbow
Gonna wash away your fear and shame
Gonna cry you a rainbow
Wanna wash away your
Cry you a rainbow
Gonna wash away your fear and shame
I'm gonna cry you a rainbow
Wanna wash away your pain

Crazy, but thats how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe its not to late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Lifes a bitter shame
Im going off the rails on a crazy train
Ive listened to preachers
Ive listened to fools
Ive watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you have the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
Im going off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeh-h
Heirs of a cold war
Thats what weve become
Inheriting troubles Im mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
Im living with something that just isnt fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and whats to blame

You get nothin' from nothin' but that's nothin' for me
It takes trial by fire if you wanna walk free
You know I gotta be someone, the whole world wants to
know
Everyday I get stronger, so let's get on with the show
Call my name (4X)
Now it may take a lifetime, it might even take ten
Maybe nobody knows me, they all will in the end
And I will be remembered long, long after I'm gone
All you need is a memory, my name will carry on
Call my name
Call my name, come on
Call my name
Call my
And I don't know what did this to me
Why I've got this need to hear my name
All I know is what I wanna be
So say it again, say it again
Solo - Tony
I gotta be someone, the whole world wants to know
Everyday I get stronger, so let's get on with the show
Call my name
Call my name
Call my name, come on

what good is sitting alone in your room?
come hear the music play.
life is a cabaret, old chump,
come to the cabaret.
put down the knitting,
the book and the broom.
it's time for a holiday.
life is cabaret, old chump,
come to the cabaret.
come taste the wine,
come hear the band.
come blow your horn,
start celebrating;
right this way,
your table's waiting
no use permitting
some prophet of doom
to wipe every smile away.
come hear the music play.
life is a cabaret, old chump,
come to the cabaret!
i used to have a girlfriend
known as elsie
with whom i shared
four sordid rooms in chelsea
she wasn't what you'd call
a blushing flower
as a matter of fact
she rented by the hour.
the day she died the neighbors
came to snicker:
“well, thats what comes