Two danish comedians tries to become Hollywood stars in one week.
He coudn't make it big, so he made it up
He's living a lie... and loving every minute of it!
The Truth Is All That Counts.
Plot
Martin Tweed is the host of a talent show called American Dreamz, and whilst he despises each new season, it's a hit with the ratings. Tweed decides it's time for a new and interesting batch of contestants, and sends out his team to find the weirdest bunch possible. Whilst all this is happening, the President of the United States is becoming more and more depressed, and relies on his Chief of Staff to talk him through everything, even into appearing as a judge on the TV show. Perfect news for the terrorists who use the talent contest as a way to reach the President.
Keywords: absent-father, al-qaeda, american-flag, anti-depressant, arab, arab-american, arabic-stereotype, arm-sling, aspiring-singer, assassination
Imagine a country where the President never reads the newspaper, where the government goes to war for all the wrong reasons, and more people vote for a pop idol than their next President.
Everyone's gotta have....
President Staton: Did you know there are two kinds of Iraqistanis?::[the First Lady holds up three fingers]::President Staton: I mean, actually, three?::Chief of Staff: You mean Sunnis and Shi'ites and Kurds?::President Staton: You knew about this?
[from trailer]::Martin Tweed: That's weird, one can become quite detached from reality when one's famous.::Sally Kendoo: That sounds so cool.
[from trailer]::Agha Babur: You must get to the championship round. When you are on stage with the president, you will have smuggled in an explosive.::Omer: What if I don't make it to the final round?::Agha Babur: Folks don't call me the torturer because I *don't* like to torture people.
Martin Tweed: Jessica, you make me feel like being a better person and I'm not a better person. I'm me.
Jessica: [Opening Lines] [after Martin receives a fax showing American Dreamz as the top rated show] How are the numbers?::Martin Tweed: Incredible. [chuckles] Absolutely incredible.::Jessica: Congratulations. [pause] I'm leaving you. [long pause] Did you hear what I said? I'm leaving you.::Martin Tweed: [still staring at the fax] Yeah, I heard. Yeah, Yeah::Jessica: I'm not kidding.::Martin Tweed: I know. [turns and walks toward her] Look, I think it's an excellent decision on your part.::Jessica: You do?::Martin Tweed: You're a fantastic person and the last year's been really great. You're beautiful. The sex has been wonderful. You're kind and supportive. You wait for me with dinner when I work late: you're amazing. And it's driving me out of my *fucking* mind. [she stares in disbelief] You know, with numbers like this, this should be the happiest day of my life and instead i have to worry about whether I make *you* happy all the time! [pause, her lip quivers] Jessica, sweetheart, you make me feel like being a better person. And I'm not a better person. I'm me.::Jessica: [teary-eyed as she walks away] I feel sorry for you.::Martin Tweed: Don't. I certainly don't. In fact, I envy myself deeply.
Sally Kendoo: Martin, I'm not physically attracted to other people, but if you want me, I'm yours.
Chet Krogl: See, people like the whole white trash thing.::Martha Kendoo: But we're not white trash.::Chet Krogl: I know, but look what it did for Britney Spears.
Omer: One and two, three and four, five, hey!::Iqbal Riza: What are you doing?::Omer: Nothing, nothing, I'm just rehearsing some dance steps.::Iqbal Riza: Oh...::Omer: Look Iqbal, I am so sorry...::Iqbal Riza: Stop!I don't want your pity. Does it look like I need pity?::Omer: No, no, no you have far too much dignity.::Iqbal Riza: If these people know nothing about talent there's not much I can do about it, is there? So let's see it. Let's see your dance steps.::Omer: Oh... alright. One and two, three and four.::Iqbal Riza: [Iqbal waves his hand up to Omer for him to stop]::Omer: What?::Iqbal Riza: Oh there's no way you're going to win this thing.::Omer: I know, I fear as much.::Iqbal Riza: [Iqbal sighs and looks him up and down]::[Iqbal takes Omer to his stage]::Iqbal Riza: Get up there, up on the stage.::Omer: Are you sure?::Iqbal Riza: Do it! Before I change my mind. Okay, now this is just a bass track. It's good for practicing moves too.::[Iqbal turns on the stereo]::Omer: Mmm. I don't like this kind of music.::Iqbal Riza: It's just a bass track! It's just for rehearsal!::Omer: Okay...::Iqbal Riza: [Iqbal sighs] Now one problem you have is you move like a reanimated corpse in a zombie movie. Not good, you need to loosen up. Okay, come on, let's go, free form jazz dancing. Right now, immediately.::Omer: Iqbal, why are you helping me? I destroyed your dream.::Iqbal Riza: Yeah, you did, but that was yesterday. Today I turned a page in a new chapter in my life. I'm not sure being a performer was ever what I was really meant for. I'm more of a behind the scenes player, a puppeteer, a svengali if you will. As of today I'm your manager.
Martin Tweed: I want an Arab. And a Jew. I want an Arab and a Jew.::Accordo: How about... An Arab-Jew?
Martin Tweed: I think I'm Omar-sexual.
Tickets to Paradise... or ParaSITES?
Death Is Their Final Destination.
Dr. Harryhausen: But even here in the jungle I can hear my mother's voice..."Clean up your room, freak! Hey freak, go down to the store and get me my cough syrup and smokes." Tea anyone?
Stack: Bear mace?::Andy: Brass knuckles?::Jen: Nobody messes with Jen unless Jen wants to messed.
[Eightball pulls a machete out of the back of his pants]::Stack: You carry that thing in your shorts?::Eightball: [nodding] Uh-huh.::Josh: No holster?::Eightball: [shaking his head] Uh-uh.::Chase: How do you sit?::Eightball: [whispering] That's the discipline.
Jen: What is it?::Andy: P-P- It's a praying mantis.::Jen: What's it praying for?::Stack: Little kids lost in the woods.
Dr. Harryhausen: You kids shouldn't be horsing around out here.
Eightball: '95 Golden Gloves, swamp monkey!
Dr. Harryhausen: But he wasn't trying to eat your friend's brains out. Little fella's in heat. Good thing orifice identification isn't his strong point.
Dr. Harryhausen: The island's going to sink.::Jen: Oh, my God, you've got to be kidding! What dumbass did the location scout for this thing?
Lil' Mindi: Wham, bam, thanks, you dead!
Chase: Um, Krueger... what should we do now?::Josh: Stay here and be still. Maybe she's had her fill of ass-kicking today.
Plot
Stan Ross was a baseball superstar who turned his back on the game years ago when he finally hit 3,000 hits. Years later, he's now a successful, self-made entrepreneur whose many businesses revolve around his title: Mr. 3000. But a clerical error has proven that Stan is just short three hits of his spectacular hit record. Now, with time on his side and the potential to be inducted in the Baseball Hall of Fame, Stan must return back to the game and get back his title. But things have changed with age, and as Stan finds out, it's not too easy to get back into the game when he hasn't played for years, and he's nearing 50.
Keywords: 1990s, athlete, baseball, baseball-movie, bottle, cartoon-on-tv, character-name-in-title, coach, comeback, fake-commercial
He's putting the "I" back in team.
Big league. Big mouth. Big time.
Back in the game. Out of his league.
Hits theaters everywhere.
Big Horse Borelli: You know, a lot of people said that Stan only looked out for himself, that he wasn't a team player. But I'm here to tell you, if you get 3000 hits, you don't have to be a team player. If you have a lifetime .314 average, you don't have to be a good guy. If you lead the league in batting for three years, you can be the biggest jerk in the world!
Norton: Hey Ross, why don't you just go sit on the bench? You're not getting this hit off of me. Deal with it!
Stan: Pitch to me!::Norton: Reach out there and get it.
Minadeo: Stan Ross! You're batting 8th!::Stan: 8th! That's for banjo hitters. I never batted lower than 5th in my life.::Fukuda: You bat there now, you son of my dick.
Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker: When you get a base hit in this millennium, then you can come on down there, and talk to me.
Stan: Stan, you're going to be the best looking cat in the Hall of Fame, that's for dog gone sure.
Tom Arnold: Hey, we're sorry about all that stuff we said before you hit that homer...::Stan: Yeah, you wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for Roseanne.
[Stan is in a commerical]::Stan: You don't like me because I sign autographs. [hits a baseball] You don't like me because I tell you what's on my mind. [Hits another baseball] But you love me because I am the greatest hitters alive! [swings a few more hits]
Gus Panas: That man was safe!
Tara Leigh Patrick (born April 20, 1972), better known by her stage name Carmen Electra, is an American glamour model, actress, television personality, singer, and dancer. She gained fame for her appearances in Playboy magazine, on the MTV game show Singled Out, on the TV series Baywatch, and dancing with the Pussycat Dolls, and has since had roles in the parody films Scary Movie (as well as the fourth film), Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie.
Electra was born in Sharonville, Ohio, the daughter of Patricia, a singer, and Harry, a guitarist and entertainer. She attended Ann Weigel Elementary School and then studied dance at Dance Artists dance studio under Gloria J. Simpson, in Western Hills, a neighborhood of Cincinnati. Her mother died of a brain tumor in 1998. Her older sister Debbie died from a heart attack, also in 1998. Carmen graduated from Princeton High School in Sharonville. She also attended the School for Creative and Performing Arts (SCPA) in the Cincinnati Public School District (CPS). She has Irish, German, and Cherokee ancestry.
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
You know the words to all my songs, I like it when you sing along
I know you like my cheeky style, you wanna kick it for a while
You got me hot, I’m burning up
I like it when you come around
So play with me, I’ll show you how to turn it up
I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
Boy you make me, make me so hot, hot
Hold my glass, I’m down one shot, shot
See me gettin’ dizzy right on the spot, spot
I can be your little sex bomb
Get your camera out, instagram us
Before you kiss up, or make us
Step into the photo-booth for a make-out
You’re like the Lana del Rey pal
We Run around through the night, night
Everything is gettin’ so bright, bright
Baby give me one more hit, turn me over
I see do you have a light, light
The room is starting to spin now
Look around for you, whee you’ve been now?
If you tell me with that bitch in the corner
I’m telling you that it’s over
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
You turn it up, I like it loud,
When we go out, we bring a crowd
We’re on a roll, we bring the town
We’re speeding up, no slowing down
Out every night, we lose our heads
We Wlay this loud, until it’s dead
You roll your eyes, I’m talking shit
We take a break just for a bit
I’m giving in, I tried to call
I’ll post a message on your wall
I want you back,
Boy you know how to turn it up, I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
In the back of my mind, an animalistic ritual
Me swingin' from a brass pole
Primal vibe is the way 2 describe {crowd noise in BG}
Dancin' in my cage, I'm ridin' high
And there is no one better step 4 stroke
4 the girl in the cage, there's still hope
And as U peep the scheme of things
U'll find U're livin' in my dreams
Yeah, I'm the go go dancer
Go go dancer - I'm the life of the party
Go go dancer - Nothing can stop my body
Go go dancer - Dancing's all I wanna do
Caged in a rage, the beat hits
I step into my 4 by 6 cell now
Ahh sho'nuff in the house as I elevate
But in my mouth's a bad taste
This situation I'm sometimes placed
Is it art or just a display of
Flesh contained, slangin' and bangin' 2 a bass drum?
Silhouetted by lights, caught up in the hype
I'm doin' my own thing night after night
Go go dancer - I'm the life of the party
Go go dancer - Nothing can stop my body
Go go dancer - Dancing's all I wanna do (G go, G go dancer)
Crawlin' back and forth, no recourse
This is it 4 me and my life, yeah, and it's my choice
Somebody's trippin', I feel myself slippin' away
Lights flashin', music playin' as I grind in my cage
Every day and night no matter what I do
Whether wrong or right, the music makes me ooh
In the taxi cab, if the radio's on (Go {x12})
Off goes the top and I'm goin', goin', goin', gone (Ahh)
Go go dancer (Ahh)
Dancer - I'm the life of the party (G go, G go dancer)
Go go dancer - Nothing can stop my body (Go {x4})
Excuse me dandelion, do U wanna dance?
U know U oughta try it, U might find some new romance
U know U gotta get wild 2 tolerate this world 2 day
U gotta do it with style, I got a game - wanna play?
Go go dancer, go go dancer
Go go dancer, go go dancer (Ahh)
Life of the party night after night
I work my butt off while the women roll their eyes
And the fellas gawk, yeah
But it's somethin' that I'm use 2, an occupational hazard
U see, I do what I gotta do 2 make ends meet
Yo, I dance and sweat in a cage 2 a go go beat
Though at times it feels demeaning, this feeling that I'm feeling
It's a love and hate thing - catch my meaning? (Ahh)
Go go dancer - I'm the life of the party (G go, G go dancer)
Go go dancer - Nothing can stop my body (Go)
Go go dancer - Dancing's all I wanna do (G go, G go dancer)
(Ahh) (G go, G go dancer) (Go)
Go go dancer (G go, G go dancer)
Go go dancer (Ahh)
Go go dancer
Go go dancer (Let's go!)
Go go dance, go go dance, go go dance {x4}
(Let's go!) {repeats 9 times in BG}
Go go dancer
Go go dancer {crowd noise in BG}
(Yeah) {sample repeats throughout song}
Uh, get on up now {x2}
(Move) {sample repeats throughout song}
Move it {repeat throughout song}
(Get on up) {x2}
Feel the vibe and let's move it
Never losing out the funk that we got
Think that U can hang? Why don't U just prove it?
Come on and take a chance with me and why not?
I see 1, no 2, no 3, 4 on the dance floor
Gonna give U more of what U want 4 damn sure
Skip the talk and just dance
And if it's 2 much then get the lead out your ...
Ask me no questions and I'll tell no lies
Crank it up, it just amplifies
I'ma dance, I'ma dance 'til I drop
This the jam y'all, get on up
(Get on up) Get on up now
(Get on up) Get on up now
(Get on up) Uh, get on up now
(Get on up) Yeah, get on up now
Can I get a witness with this funk with the quickness?
Microphone swiftness is my business
Checkin' out the brothers with the funky stride
U don't wanna dance honey, drip step aside
As I move 2 the left can I get a little (funk)?
As I move 2 the right can I get a little (funk)?
2 times in the center as I kick a riddle
My name is Carmen Electra and I ain't in the middle
This kind of funky beat is what I dream
So if U want 2 get a feel of this cream
Hop 'til U damn near drop
This the jam y'all, get on up
Uh, get on up now
Uh, get on up now
Yeah, get on up now
Uh, yeah, get on up now
We're gonna dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance, dance
All aboard, all aboard cuz I'm gettin' funky
As U know, as U know I'm a party junky
Gettin' live 2 the rhythm cuz I want 2
Tryin' 2 spread it cuz everybody else ought 2
Clap your hands, clap your hands like U really wanna
Get the wallflower people all out of the corner
How many times I gotta stop the clock?
Cuz this the jam y'all so get on up!
Dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance, dance 2 night
Get on up now
(Get on up) Get on up {x3}
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
You know the words to all my songs, I like it when you sing along
I know you like my cheeky style, you wanna kick it for a while
You got me hot, I’m burning up
I like it when you come around
So play with me, I’ll show you how to turn it up
I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
Boy you make me, make me so hot, hot
Hold my glass, I’m down one shot, shot
See me gettin’ dizzy right on the spot, spot
I can be your little sex bomb
Get your camera out, instagram us
Before you kiss up, or make us
Step into the photo-booth for a make-out
You’re like the Lana del Rey pal
We Run around through the night, night
Everything is gettin’ so bright, bright
Baby give me one more hit, turn me over
I see do you have a light, light
The room is starting to spin now
Look around for you, whee you’ve been now?
If you tell me with that bitch in the corner
I’m telling you that it’s over
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
You turn it up, I like it loud,
When we go out, we bring a crowd
We’re on a roll, we bring the town
We’re speeding up, no slowing down
Out every night, we lose our heads
We Wlay this loud, until it’s dead
You roll your eyes, I’m talking shit
We take a break just for a bit
I’m giving in, I tried to call
I’ll post a message on your wall
I want you back,
Boy you know how to turn it up, I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it loud
Don’t wanna think too much, just turn the music up
Yeah I like it, I like it loud