A shocking tale of clerical abuse…

…in which impressionable novitiates are put through bizarre psychological exercises, including being brainwashed into thinking they can levitate ashtrays; are indentured into slave labour to enrich the leadership of their church; and whose silence is enforced by having to sign billion-year pledges of loyalty. This is coming out thanks to courageous whistleblowers who are taking their church to court.

Nope, not the Catholics this time; nor the Anglicans; nor even the Mormons. It is of course that reliable bastion of wingnuttery, the Church of Scientology. (The “billion years” bit was probably a giveaway. Such are the timescales of Xenu.) One hopes that this will be all over the news, and that we’ll see a column from Ruthie Gledhill calling for the immediate laicisation of Tom Cruise.

And hopefully, a precedent set for other sects that rely on stealing the labour of their adherents…