I could say almost anything right now
I’m not too good with closed lips.
I’m not too good with awkward silences
And with a slip of my tongue...
those nights turn to shit,
this friendship could turn to shit.
Thrown to the wind, every breath, every word,
every action defined in a second of my thoughtless emotions
Taking a chance with our time spent sitting
and laughing about embellished stories,
regaling each other with our most embarrassing moments.
You’ll chain smoke the night away
and I'll keep talking to the point that most would be annoyed
but you never say shut your fucking mouth.
I would give anything to say what I think right now.
Ask me a question and I'll do my best to not lie
but if I say what’s truly on my mind.
And wait before you open your mouth.
When your advice was fucking needed I was no where.
I was no where to be seen.
I have taking advice much less needed before,
but yours could of changed it all
it yours could have been worth the time.
You old fool; you thought you knew it all.
And for that I savor each day for that I am in your debt.
The greatest thing you ever said was to just be happy
No matter what the fucking cost.
Now on that day I listened loud and clear
I heard every fucking word
If not for bad luck I would have none
and some days I still feel like shit
And when it rains it fucking pours
and when it rains its fucking pours
when it rains when it rains it fucking pours.
And I'm digging ditches but I'm still smiling,
I wanna hear it, those precious fucking words,
those compelling beautiful songs that grab a hold and never let go.
I need to know what makes you fucking tick
if it’s you or days lived by those who are already fucking dead.
Destroy your self for me please let me know there’s something
that lives beyond your record collection.
Maybe I live entirely for this feeling
of waking up expecting it to all fall apart.
You wouldn’t know some words are worth more than plastic smiles
That I can never produce
I thrive for heartbreak thrive for the let downs.
And I only relate to the ones who know
how to live there life on there sleeves.
Expressing ourselves for a chance to lose it all
It’s just as cold here as I left it and it’s the end of August.
There’s no change at all anymore just faces and occasionally the tone of voice.
I'll probably fall asleep on my couch again, watching some Cusack movie.
I’ve played the ghost here for far to fucking long.
There is nothing appealing here just concrete and memories.
Brick by brick are the walls I call home.
Didn’t you know I’d rather be anywhere but here?
In a few months it’ll start all over again.
Again and again I need to let go.
Of every word I never said, of every promise remaining unfulfilled
for what its worth this is who I am.
Again you open your mouth so quickly spewing out
sentence fragments explaining your belief in fairytales.
Those superheroes- those pages of assholes
that supposedly set moral standards…
with every ancient text shit onto paper
explaining how we live our lives
I could give less of a fuck what you believe…
but to each there fucking own-
There is nothing after this we are all going to rot
So I believe we are the godless we are the doomed
Too much of a good thing can make a man choke
so before I vomit take a step back you are not me
It takes guts to stand against modern day society
and we will never fall in the line with the fucking sheep.
Whom herd towards a relic forged in deceit placed in pride
as a reminder of a finger that never stops shaking at you
when in there eyes you have committed a wrong against the cloth.
This is my rebuttal this is my counteroffer
And here where the suburbs are no better than the city.
Where taking your own life is more than just an option.
Some make you think that itТs easier to just turn walk away...
I went running as fast as I can screaming into the streets.
What the fuck happened to my closest friends?
ItТs a type of arrogance that grows in you from being from here.
Knowing so many look down on you for the sake
of the walls you traced your hand prints on.
Who the fuck are they to judge?
No credit giving to the ones breaking barriers,
redefining the appeal of chalk lines.
Well I wonТt be ignored, I wonТt be confused
Hear me
The only fire I would ever start here
is so that you can never say you didnТt notice us,
Don't tell me you love me,
just tell me you will not leave,
cause tonight is one of those nights
when I'm only interested in one fucking thing.
I got a lot of dependency issues.
And needless to say I hate to be alone.
You may not be important to me tomorrow,
but right now you're all that I fucking got.
I won't mislead and I will not lie.
You'll know my intentions before you walk through the door.
I may speak with clever gestures,
anything to make you feel at ease.
Please don't say this is forever,
I tend to forget what that word means.
I'm more interested in the "right nows,"
just please promise you won't leave.
I've made choices- that have got me nowhere
but back where I started.
This all may be a mistake, but what's a few more.
I've been told that I have baggage...
well I've lives, loved, fucked,
and will die as young as I possibly can.
Hello you fuckers, you assholes, you social rejects…
I hope you get my sarcasm as I generalize our subculture
That once had the biggest of mouths.
Now scared to just speak up,
scared of prepubescent teens with the fastest hands
or has-been role models who gave in to their own cynicism.
I might seem jaded, I might seem arrogant. However
I am a dude of many opinions which I encroach on every open ear.
I find it offensive when someone cowards behind tight lips.
Save face for the sake of social status, prostitution with a pretty face.
No approval here not bought with pride, all loss for some one else’s gain.
Keep your mouth shut. Keep your eyes straight- a -head.
You might make it out of here unscathed but devoid of purpose.
Mediocrity is a fucking cancer; it seems air born and contagious.
I found myself here-when I didn’t fit-most anywhere else.
Now I find it hard to relate to the most familiar of faces.
Don’t Care
Pardon my apathy and my articulation with cheap childish phrases
but I hate the excuses I give this nothing more then these two words
Fuck it
How cliché this all sounds.
This was made for the individual
Maybe if I said something a bit more meaningless
than possibly I could make my father proud of the things I’ve done.
Throw blood, reckless, onto paper.
You can’t expect me to take the same roads so many have crawled down before.
I am fine with dying with regrets
as long as I’ve never stopped making attempts
at the sky and tearing down the stars.
It never felt right to sit back-letting life pass me by.
Saying I could have, would have but never fucking tried.
I'll take my chances with the late nights, the bitter arguments.
We’ll get by on the skin of our teeth I’ve never needed more
I'll takes my chances with the harsh criticism and the failed relationships
We’ll get by on the skin of our teeth I’ve never need more
I have it all, I never needed more than a bag
full of clothes and a fucked up van.
Just give me 20 minutes to sweat out the feeling
give me 20 minutes to run my self dead.
This is my outlet, this is my mid life crisis.
Though it started at 16 I don’t plan on seeing 30.
And what the fuck do I know?
But broken hearts, some unsung songs
I never had it hard it enough
So I drag my feet as much as I can
The product of excuses
Brave only compared to some
I consider myself a lucky kid
But I’m pretty good at fucking up
Young, Angry and White
A victim of the middle class
So much to prove
So much to say
When will I be done screaming?
Never take me seriously
Cause who the fuck am I
Just some awkward kid
From a shitty town
No different than any of you
Quick with exaggeration
Philosopher to some
But a story teller to anyone
Who, is truly listening
I’m inspired by
The fact that I
Still get out of bed
I’m over dramatic
Most of the time
Attention whore,
Known to be ill tempered
Hey mike what the fuck are you thinking?
And where did you go with my Fathers gun.
I still don't believe it but think about it I'd blame you too.
But that was years ago and this isn’t that story.
This is my concern for where you will end up.
Remember when I told you, you needed to find god.
That's pretty funny now.
You've always been more comfortable between cement walls,
just inches from hell. The isolation made you see in black and white.
See the world as a truly empty and desolate place,
with nothing to offer someone like you.
When Danny died I know you wanted to take his place.
But that wasn’t your fault.
Sometimes no matter how far you run,
trouble just comes looking for you.
You know that feeling well.
Stop blaming yourself for what you couldn’t do.
Stop blaming yourself for what you’ve lost.
It’s hard to say that you aren’t the same.
That something in you changed.
Maybe it was never there at all
but most of us have a glimmer of a future in the back of our eyes.
Move on from this place.
There has to be some where that your demons won’t find you,
The two of us we burned like shining stars
We flicker then faded now it’s a fucking black whole
Crushing our lungs, we broke our hearts
The tears didn’t flow until the front door shut
The jokes went stale and we forgot how to laugh
Some good things they never will stand a chance
I guess you and me baby we were doomed from start
I should have stayed on the road and never came back
Sometimes I think I could have tried just a bit more then I did
but I’d be lying to myself if I thought it would have helped
Not everybody is meant to be no body is meant for me
I don’t need your pity I don’t need your time
I'll just borrow love I borrow lies I tell myself a lot of thing
I sleep alone a lot of nights I’m in love with a lot of lies
No one saves me from me, from me Ill always blame myself
Some habits never change I love a train wreck I love a sad song
Maybe I do this for me maybe you were right about maybe you were right about me.
Some good things aren’t meant to be Nothing is meant for me
There is no fairy tale ending
There is no happily ever after
Is this the beginning?
I always look towards the end.
It starts as a pleasant drive and ends in a fiery car crash.
Hope isn’t in question it’s a question of how many times
you can repeat the same fucking feelings.
Before you go numb you always roll the dice.
We always try, try again.
It’s our natural instinct or maybe its just boredom
but no one ever thinks they can live being just one.
One time it will be the real thing,
next time it will be the real thing,
condition ourselves to think there is a real thing.
The excitement is shared as the feeling is mutual.
The attraction is real and not just for the flesh.
Simple excuses just to hear someone’s voice
that feeling of sickness when you are too far to touch.
Its hopeless now, no turning back,
you’re in over your head with no want for air.
You say the things you thought you’d never say again
and in the back of your mind you wish you never could.
This time around you won’t fuck it up you won’t get tongue tied
you won’t trip over your feet you’ll be attentive
It's 1 am and that tow trucks not here
It was due an hour ago
I’m counting high beams in hope of killing time
I have had too many longest nights of my life
Spelling destiny in gasoline… writing passages in sulfur stains
So this is it this is how we die
So if this time isn’t like the rest
If I could only be so lucky
Inside jokes that tell our stories
I’m such a serious dude
Now pacing highways on cell phones
This is such a waist of time
But this time won’t be the last this time won’t be
So one day I won’t be totally angry
And one day ill be short on words
But freedom comes with a price but
Holy shit, who fucking cares?
This time it’s for me
This time it’s for us
So fuck you fuck you
Broken knuckles bleeding Foreheads
Shirt collars I’m still grabbing
Accusations rolling eyes
Reasons I’m still pulling my hair out
Those fucking cords stretched through broken glass
never summed up so much.
All of this to be raped of self esteem
and expose my fucking self
Tonight
What could possibly go right?
What could possibly go fucking right?
To every toothless fucking grin (You are the few)
I’m sick of saying this is just not worth this shit.
For every kid that’s waiting to die
(You know our names) I’m sick of saying
This is just not worth this shit.
No point in thinking this will all work out
So many days I could do with out
but the point of it all is to never look back
so I live for today and die by the night
these veins are burning fucking red
and this is when I can’t turn back.
What the fuck are you so afraid of
As strong as lions but you never show you’re fucking teeth
Long enough to strike fear in the eyes of the unbelieving ones
who never question questions or attempt at anything beyond ones self
In fear we stand arms folded with our backs to the world
We choose to ignore the risk of living
And for the excuses each perfect word we use to describe
why this is more than we can- handle on our backs.
The weight of being truly fucking honest the days
when being dumb and innocent were more than just excuses.
Its scares me to see the power you have on the tip of your fucking tongue-
so much inspiration goes untapped with each hand
that reaches out for you- you turn and smirk you worthless piece of shit.
We stand in amazement at what you have become a shell
In a minute now I'll be feeling like a cold front cut through the room
You kindly wave I awkwardly smile not sure what to say
But it’s inevitable you bat yours eyes I crumble I always crumble
How are you you will say I exchange politely
Not again, no
I can’t do it I won’t do it Alright I’m so pathetic
No matter how far I distance myself
one glance you can pull me back in
In an instant my knees weaken my hands sweat and I begin to break
I'll give in when you pop the question your place or mine
How I wish I had the confidence to tell you I can’t be what you need
I can’t always be the skin that you wear
When you are cold at night
When no one else is there to make you alive
I know we are both one and the same.
But when it’s over the satisfactions gone
He clinches his fist as he swings for the fucking fences
His since of abandon keeps him from deaths door.
Blown knees and torn fucking muscles heart made of steel
These are the hours he never wants back this is the price that you pay for glory.
Or maybe a since of fulfillment very few can appreciate the silence.
The cold calm when nothing is left standing in your way.
This is joy in its greatest moment shared only with the truly selfish,
in a place where only the lonely ever choose to stand and die.
Behind every drop of sweat, eyes unfazed and devoid of feeling.
Eye to eye, I'll keep my composure
Hands shaking and these fists will be tightly clenched
I want it back, I’ll say for the first time.
Every ounce of fucking air you’ve never appreciated
If this is all that I am a series of choice words
you’ll never hear this angelic voice again.
I’m tired of talking in circles explaining what you don’t get;
you’ve never lost, never loved, never ever fucking lived.
You left me for dead once. How could I forget?
Now I can see right through your hollow empty eyes,
I will never again go unnoticed.
Say this is jealousy that I’m feeling well then I’m fine with that.
You have a certain characteristic that gives you the means
to not feel a fucking thing for anyone that isn’t you.
Now tell me you’re not fucking selfish.
For every kind hearted word that I spoke to you.
I beg I could take back every syllable you ripped from my mouth
as I screamed for you to understand.
What it feels like to not be as important to someone as they are to you.
Well I’ve been on both ends and my lesson was learned.
So I tell the stories of collapsed lungs
so maybe the fortunate could get a fighting chance to just cut and fucking run.
Fuck saying the right things- I’m sick of being your crutch.
I will never pick you up again.
Don’t show me that face, you know the one that I’m talking about.
You will never get under my skin again.
Not another word. Not sorry for shit...
Those heavy thoughts I let linger when the sun goes down.
I don’t need this shit anymore.
I can finally see it’s over my desire to hold on
to old pictures and thoughts about crush’s I can not relive.
Looks like I am on my way out,
it’s been a long time coming.
Looks like you can bond to someone else’s failures.
You can blame me if you want.
You can hate me if you want
I have nothing more to give.
I have nothing more to say.
I’m gone
Blame me judge me use me
Yeah. Now I fucking get it what you meant
when you said moving as far as I can will change everything
I never understood it than but I understand it now
the options are slim-the placements perfect no one knows me here
And all those minutes I spent screaming at the wall.
Hoping maybe your picture could answer back
and sometimes yes sometimes I wish I didn’t care.
Yes sometimes I wish I could never hear your voice.
Than maybe this would be easy-maybe this would be as simple
as the way I hurt you with out thought
or reason without a shred of compassion…
and for the fuck ups I’m never coming home.
It’s so easy when there is someone else to blame
But I see that same fucking face every fucking day.
I’m spending every second wishing I could take it all back
And you were so fucking different
This is the end
I never got it I never knew what you meant
You only appreciate someone when there fucking gone
And you kept drinking, until I didn’t exist
well I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m desperate
Tonight I’m screaming those words that I wanna regret
How truly honest can one man be to only drop those subtle hints
but I was never that kind of person I always put it on the table
laid all my cards out smiling with a stupid fucking grin.
Never faced the fucking problem of not being trusted
because I never let a single story go untold,
feel free to judge me for what I have done it’s the reason I put it out.
I never wanted that colorful tapestry behind me
to go unnoticed allowing all to see how truly ugly I was or I can be
But I can’t take back a single action I made
No I can’t change the man I watched die
But you have heard all my stories
You made the right choice
You will never
The ones born in shit with no remorse or no regret,
watch the foundation break we laugh as we take.
Born the son of a carpenter and highschool secretary,
bread blue collar in a white trash town, with just enough to lose.
But I learned the value in wanting nothing
because then no one can take anything from you.
I watched the heart of my old man get overworked for the sake of a dollar.
Worried that love might only, be found,
in the amount of things you leave behind when you die.
I started driving nails at an early age
for a class of people their god forgot.
For the ingrates who never knew the pain of callous hands
for the bottom feeder waiting for their hand out.
This is humanities true face, middle aged
and fully capable but not willing to sweat.
Who think they are better than that,
as if born with some form of entitlement.
The punch line in this joke, we are angels at birth
but true sinners and always looking for a hustle.
I was born a fortunate son.
But I learned early on if you want to live, you got to suffer,
you got to be willing to bleed.
I was born a fortunate son.
But I learned early on if you want to live, you got to suffer,
you got to be willing to die. (Empty handed).
I go day to day with a chip on my shoulder
I can not shake for a generation of leaches
who seem to think that life owes them something more than a right to breathe.
Life owes me nothing but a cold deep grave
and a promise to never wake me up when I close my eyes,
I am pride. I am discouragement.
Self loathing, but egotistical, an ignorant fuck.
An average heathen who just waits for their turn to speak.
Convinced in thinking they know when their end will be.
But I am shit no different and no better.
Similar skin stretched over similar bone.
I want answers for coming days.
I want a reason for what was and what will be.
I try to look to no god, nor any man.
I see that a weakness at best.
But in our dire moments we need something to blame.
We turn to a light we will never see
You need me more than I need you.
I wish that was true, I wish that was true.
Faith is humanities answer for the fear they can not face.
Trust on this hill is a fucking joke
Built on constriction and loaded words
They have their own agenda, have their own plan
Power loves power at the end of the day
Good and bad don’t always apply.
Some fuckers don’t have two sides.
They feed on the unaware.
Feed on the victims
Feed on your will.
Feed on your weakness
You are a mouse among snakes, my love, filled of good intentions.
Too bad no ones give’s a fuck about your ideals
The difference between right and left is a fine fucking line
between morals and profit or which major corporation
is filling the stomach of the face that best represents them.
Trust on this hill is a fucking joke
Built on constriction and loaded words
They have their own agenda, have their own plan
Power loves power at the end of the day
Good and bad don’t always apply.
Some fuckers don’t have two sides.
They feed on the unaware.
Feed on the victims
Feed on your will.
Feed on your weakness
You’d like to believe that everyone has just a little decency inside.
You want honesty its all I got.
I’ve been bleeding to death, why can’t I stop.
As I grew older, I grew angry.
I got memoirs filled of shitty stories.
Now sometimes I don’t know myself.
If this is an act, was an act I forgot my fucking part.
I spend my nights typing away
so maybe some day I'll get over not knowing me.
These are my gut’s, these are my insides,
my exaggerations of wanting to die.
It’s not always a joke, but I never lie.
Take what you will when you read between these lines.
Now sometimes I don’t know myself.
If this is an act, was an act I forgot my fucking part.
I spend my nights, typing away,
so maybe some day I'll get over not knowing me,
you don’t know me, I don’t know me.
This is the place you go when you don’t hate yourself enough
to beat your head against a wall.
We are but songs and throat scraping melodies,
Respects given where it’s fucking due.
And I'll tip my hat for what you have done.
But that doesn’t mean I have to give a shit bout your opinions.
You’ve never walked a step in my shoes.
I’ll stick my foot in my mouth every chance that I get.
I fumble with words, a little self conscience, sometimes a tad bit awkward.
I try do get my point across, ain't planning on changing minds.
My life’s an open book, what about you?
I’ll find out the hard way that I’m not always right
Take the best shots from people who remain nameless.
Not sorry for my intentions and I'll do what I fucking please
I gave up... on metaphors and acts of sarcastic wit.
Rewording phrases in an attempt to grab the approval of faces I may never know.
I've only met a few people that deserve this smile.
Yes, I'm fucking ok and please don't ask me again.
I can not... stop dwelling on the fucking past.
I remember just how it used to be.
When the nights were fucking ours and the sunrise
made me feel so fucking sick.
Things were much simpler
and those summers last too long
but this feeling was as depressing
as the day my eyes met yours.
We always talk about getting caught up
in the moment getting wrapped up in situations
saying words we can never take back.
A four letter word, the most beautiful of things
but the one I used on you is the one I wish I truly could mean.
I never said a thing I only half meant.
I dropped hints at being the worst man for the job.
I’ve smashed clocks, broken mirrors
the man in the reflection the one I truly hate the most.
I want my life back. Days spent months spent years spent
So here’s your song and the words you asked for
but I’m sure it’s not what you wanted.
It’s not beautiful or gracious it’s a warning
to anyone who has yet to meet you.
Don’t tell me your sorry because I’m pretty sure
I promised myself I would never ever again
believe a single thing you say.
Seek your attention elsewhere
tell him how many times someone stepped on your heart.
But he’ll have to take a fucking number,
because those eyes are an amazing thing.
But who knows, on you what’s even fucking real.
Go ahead say it tell him all how you were crushed.
How perfect you can be but don’t forget to mention
how far you can spread your legs.
I’m sure that will get there fucking attention.
Yea I’m sure, yea I’m sure you’ll get just what you need.
Fuck Fuck Fuck
And we all know the things you’ve done
no need to tell us because everyone fucking talks
Oh yea.
Waste your tears on somebody else
6 months from the day I wrote any of these songs.
They may mean as much as the changing of the tides.
This reoccurring trend of hello and goodbye leads me to believe-
that I know I’ve been here with you before.
Yes I know ill say some things that make you wish we hadn’t tried again.
I’m tired of apologizing for that fucking flaw.
I’m tired of saying I’m sorry for not holding on to long
but I'll cut my losses before it’s too hard.
I waste you’re fucking time.
You don’t need me and I’m breaking fingers...
Take my advice and walk away.
It’s not my fault what you did with your life
It’s not my fault that your dreams died with addiction
This was never about who was better than who
but I got out and you never changed.
But fuck that town it gets the best of
The young, hopeful, bright eyed, lonesome, daring, fearless,
fucked up… they ant going no where.
Still begging for a chance but lacking motivation
Still searching for a reason for being born
Some would say the few, the proud, the worthless
But this ones for the blind from broken homes
Remember when
Remember when
You said, you did
Anything any thing
That fucking
