Secondhand Hitman (2011)

Actors

• Ray Bouchard (actor)
• Maria Breese (actress)
• Brian Bourke (producer)
• Mici Falvo (producer)
• John Sims Jr. (producer)
• Brian Bourke (director)
• Evan Smith (editor)

Genres

• Short

Famous quotes by Ray Romano:

"We want to recognize that it is the end of the show without really saying it. But we'll satisfy the audience's desire for a little heart."

"I've always wondered, what am I going to do that's important with these stupid jokes that I tell,"

"We couldn't land right away there was a dog on the runway,"

"It is our swan song, and (winning) kind of symbolizes the closure at the end, and I miss it already. I'm gonna go bawl now."

"Yeah, 'cause we don't like 'em!"

"It was a shock to win, ... Even you guys - admit it - you thought 'Desperate Housewives' was going to win."

"He missed a shot and got frustrated and accidentally hit himself on the head with his own putter and needed stitches on the course. It was hysterical, ... He continued playing. He didn't get hurt. It wasn't serious."

"If you ever want to go golfing, take Brad with you. He will make you look better, ... He came in dead last. There were 75 celebrities and pro athletes and he came in dead last."

"If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now."

"I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you."

"Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis."

"The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life."

"The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out."

"Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I also feel the aches and pains a little bit."

"I married a saint - well, a saint who curses."

"I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating."

"You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me."

"I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived."

"I lived at home till I was 29."

"I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F."