Macc Lads

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(Full VHS Version) The Macc Lads - Quality Of Mersey

Order: Reorder
Duration: 49:39
Updated: 14 Aug 2013

1. Macc Lads Party. 2. Julie The Schooly 3. Get Weavin' 4. Nagasaki Sauce 5. Geordie Girl 6. Boddies 7. Lady Muck 8. Buenos Airies 9. Dans Underpants 10. Flu...

http://wn.com/Full_VHS_Version_The_Macc_Lads_Quality_Of_Mersey

The Macc Lads - Sweaty Betty

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:07
Updated: 16 Aug 2013

She wore big knickers and she worked at the sewage farm. Got my hands down her jeans and I nearly lost half my arm. But after ten pints, she looked quite fit...

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Sweaty_Betty

Fluffy Pup - The Macc Lads

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:52
Updated: 12 Aug 2013

Title - Fluffy Pup Artist - The Macc Lads could contain some very rude words indeed.

http://wn.com/Fluffy_Pup_The_Macc_Lads

The Macc Lads - Sex,Pies and videotape

Order: Reorder
Duration: 41:25
Updated: 13 Aug 2013

pesme:Grease stop,No sheep 'til buxton,Mccavity,Alcohol,Bloi!k,Ben nevis,Bitter fit crack,Eh up! lets sup!,Do you love me,Miss macclesfield,Failure with girl...

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Sex,Pies_and_videotape

Macc Lads - No sheep til Buxton

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:41
Updated: 16 Aug 2013

Another Video.

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_No_sheep_til_Buxton

Macc Lads - News Broadcast

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:09
Updated: 10 Aug 2013

This was on a local TV news show about the macc lads :)

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_News_Broadcast

The Macc Lads talking about Macclesfield Town FC

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:16
Updated: 14 Sep 2013

Interview with Muttley & Johnny Mard.

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_talking_about_Macclesfield_Town_FC

Macc Lads Beer Sex Chips Gravy

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:17
Updated: 12 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Beer_Sex_Chips_Gravy

FAT BASTARD=NO SHEEP TIL BUXTON-MACC LADS

Order: Reorder
Duration: 6:01
Updated: 03 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/FAT_BASTARD=NO_SHEEP_TIL_BUXTON-MACC_LADS

The Macc Lads intro + Mr Methane

Order: Reorder
Duration: 4:40
Updated: 15 Jul 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_intro_+_Mr_Methane

Macc Lads - Barrels Round

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:53
Updated: 16 Aug 2013

Another vid off the Three Bears video.

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Barrels_Round

The Macc Lads - Now He's A Poof (Lyrics in Description)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:37
Updated: 30 Jun 2013

One of my best mates came from Macc, we used to go out pulling crack Now I know that was just a farce, he's got spunk dribbling out of his arse. He's got sca...

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Now_He's_A_Poof_Lyrics_in_Description

The Macc Lads Sex Pies & Videotape

Order: Reorder
Duration: 45:30
Updated: 05 Aug 2013

Final video from 1991 shot live at the International in Manchester.

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Sex_Pies_Videotape

The Macc Lads - All Day Drinking

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:41
Updated: 22 Jul 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_All_Day_Drinking

The Macc Lads - Uncle Knobby (Bitter Fit Crack)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:10
Updated: 17 Jun 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Uncle_Knobby_Bitter_Fit_Crack

The Macc Lads - Doctor Doctor

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:42
Updated: 13 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Doctor_Doctor

The Macc Lads - Buenos Aires "90

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:00
Updated: 05 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Buenos_Aires_90

The Macc Lads - Dan's Underpants

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:45
Updated: 06 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Dan's_Underpants

MACC LADS Gods gift to women

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:11
Updated: 03 Jul 2013

The one and only Macc Lads live at Fulham Greyhound 18/ 09 /1987 " Gods gift to women " ...

http://wn.com/MACC_LADS_Gods_gift_to_women

The Macc Lads - Geordie Girl (Lyrics In Description)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:21
Updated: 06 Aug 2013

The Macc Lads - Geordie Girl New face in the pub on a Friday night - 'You alright?' Asked where she worked, she said: 'Hadaway & Shite.' She was feeling kind...

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Geordie_Girl_Lyrics_In_Description

The Macc Lads - Piles

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:04
Updated: 27 Jun 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Piles

the macc lads-newcy brown

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:02
Updated: 30 Mar 2013

http://wn.com/the_macc_lads-newcy_brown

The Macc Lads - Monkees

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:11
Updated: 05 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Monkees

Macc Lads Live Edinburgh 1994- Partial show

Order: Reorder
Duration: 34:23
Updated: 29 Jul 2013

Live show from 1994. Many thanks to Bandit999 for filming this and putting it out on the net. It;s a pity the battery on his camcorder ran out before the end...

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Live_Edinburgh_1994_Partial_show

FLUFFY PUP=LUCY LASTIC-MACC LADS

Order: Reorder
Duration: 4:25
Updated: 29 Mar 2013

http://wn.com/FLUFFY_PUP=LUCY_LASTIC-MACC_LADS

Macc Lads- Barrels Round Live

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:10
Updated: 03 Aug 2013

Beer, beer.... Obese roadies eating on stage and some friendly banter with a rowdy crowd. From the Sex, Pies & Videotape video.

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Barrels_Round_Live

Macc Lads- Sweaty Betty in Birmingham

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:33
Updated: 04 Jun 2013

Introduced by Jeremy Paxman (well sort of). Available on the "Come to Brum" DVD, so shell out your money you tight gits if you want to see the rest of the sh...

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Sweaty_Betty_in_Birmingham

Macc Lads- Fat Bastard Live 1994

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:11
Updated: 27 Apr 2013

The Venue, Edinburgh. 23/05/1994.

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Fat_Bastard_Live_1994

The Macc Lads - Knock Knock And Julie The Schoolie

Order: Reorder
Duration: 4:47
Updated: 13 Aug 2013

knock knock and Julie the Schoolie from the Come to Brum video,not the best quality but i wasnt sure which is the best format for uploading.

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Knock_Knock_And_Julie_The_Schoolie

ALTON TOWERS-MACC LADS-LIVE

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:56
Updated: 16 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/ALTON_TOWERS-MACC_LADS-LIVE

Macc Lads - Sweaty Betty - Live in Edinburgh

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:58
Updated: 29 Jun 2013

A warm welcoming intro to a room full of drunken Scots!

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Sweaty_Betty_Live_in_Edinburgh

Macc Lads - Live In Leicester

Order: Reorder
Duration: 37:25
Updated: 06 Aug 2013

Rare recording of the Macc Lads Live In Leicester 1994 (ish).

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Live_In_Leicester

Macc Lads- Live Medley

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:18
Updated: 24 May 2013

"Eh up lads, if we just play a bit of each song we can finish the set dead quick and hit the bar well early" "Sounds good to me, do you think anyone will not...

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Live_Medley

Macc Lads Bloik!

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:37
Updated: 04 Aug 2013

real heavy metal.

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Bloik!

Macc Lads- Eh Up Live London 1987

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:56
Updated: 19 Jun 2013

Live from the Fulham Greyhound, 1987.

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Eh_Up_Live_London_1987

the macc lads-knock knock -live manchester.

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:39
Updated: 24 May 2013

http://wn.com/the_macc_lads-knock_knock_-live_manchester

The Macc Lads - I Love Macc (Live)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:22
Updated: 17 Sep 2013

Muttley / Johnny / Winston.

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_I_Love_Macc_Live

THE MACC LADS, - SATURDAY NIGHT.

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:53
Updated: 26 Aug 2013

MACC LADS. - Saturday night Live at the Gallery, - 27.12.1985.

http://wn.com/THE_MACC_LADS,_SATURDAY_NIGHT

Macc Lads - Jingle Bells (WARNING: EXPLICIT!)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:33
Updated: 24 Dec 2012

An alternative Christmas song, by the mucky-mouthed Macc's!

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Jingle_Bells_WARNING_EXPLICIT!

The Macc Lads - Buenos Aires

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:01
Updated: 23 Jul 2013

Recorded at the Royal Court Liverpool, 28th Oct 1989.

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Buenos_Aires

The Macc Lads - Dirty Glass (Live)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:03
Updated: 17 Sep 2013

Muttley / Johnny / Winston.

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Dirty_Glass_Live

The Macc Lads- Lads From Macc Live 1994

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:15
Updated: 18 Sep 2012

Diddle iddle ee dooh di doo. From The Venue, Edinburgh. 23/05/1994.

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Lads_From_Macc_Live_1994

The Macc Lads DISSECTED

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:52
Updated: 28 Jun 2013

In which lyrics are dissected for intellectual meaning and amusement. DFTBA!

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_DISSECTED

Macc Lads Newcy Brown

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:55
Updated: 05 Aug 2013

Macc Lads singing Newcy Brown.

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Newcy_Brown

The Macc Lads - Mr Methane (Lyrics in Description)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:42
Updated: 05 Aug 2013

I must be going soft, or I'm turning paranoid, Its been over a week since I went out with the boys I've not been down the football, I've missed two stoppy-ba...

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Mr_Methane_Lyrics_in_Description

Macc Lads on Tour- Mr Methane

Order: Reorder
Duration: 4:49
Updated: 14 Oct 2013

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_on_Tour_Mr_Methane

the macc lads-grease stop

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:18
Updated: 19 Jul 2013

http://wn.com/the_macc_lads-grease_stop

The Macc Lads Sweaty Betty Guitar Cover

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:13
Updated: 10 Jan 2014

The Macc Lads Sweaty Betty Guitar Cover

http://wn.com/The_Macc_Lads_Sweaty_Betty_Guitar_Cover

the macc lads-mr methane

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:43
Updated: 05 Aug 2013

http://wn.com/the_macc_lads-mr_methane

Macc Lads Sing Pablo Zabaleta Leauge Cup Final 2014

Order: Reorder
Duration: 0:28
Updated: 03 Mar 2014

http://wn.com/Macc_Lads_Sing_Pablo_Zabaleta_Leauge_Cup_Final_2014

Manc Lads, Nags Head, Macclesfield 5/5/2013 (with Stez Styx)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 0:47
Updated: 07 May 2013

Packed out gig at the Nag's Head, Macc on Sunday 5th May. Macc Lads tribute band The Manc Lads. Stez Styx (Macc Lads original drummer) joined them for a coup...

http://wn.com/Manc_Lads,_Nags_Head,_Macclesfield_5_5_2013_with_Stez_Styx

Tan sues MACC over interview procedures

Order: Reorder
Duration: 7:09
Updated: 21 Jan 2013

DAP's Kajang councillor Tan Boon Wah has filed a legal suit against the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission pertaining to the anti-graft body's powers to qu...

http://wn.com/Tan_sues_MACC_over_interview_procedures

the manc lads-beer and sex and chips and gravy

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:56
Updated: 31 Mar 2013

live at the griffin.

http://wn.com/the_manc_lads-beer_and_sex_and_chips_and_gravy

Jss Macc Post Match Interview with Cameron, Jonny and Alex

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:34
Updated: 19 Mar 2013

Post game man of the match award JSS Macc Seniors vs. Tango Boys FC.

http://wn.com/Jss_Macc_Post_Match_Interview_with_Cameron,_Jonny_and_Alex

4HEED-FLUFFY PUP

Order: Reorder
Duration: 3:00
Updated: 13 Feb 2013

4HEED DOING FLUFFY PUP(MACC LADS) AT THE NOW FLATTENED FERRY TAVERN SOUTH SHIELDS.

http://wn.com/4HEED-FLUFFY_PUP

Arkansas S.H.A.R.P

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:22
Updated: 07 Aug 2013

Arkansas S.H.A.R.P raid the pubs!! Oi! MUSIC BY Darkbuster: London Town & The Macc Lads: Alcohol.

http://wn.com/Arkansas_SHARP

Riff Raff with Knutsford Scabby Women

Order: Reorder
Duration: 2:51
Updated: 09 Feb 2012

Riff Raff at Squires 2007 featuring Steve Todd on percussion, Jon(Bon Scott) on vocals, Ian (Angus) Miles on Lead guitar, Aitch on Bass and Tony Marchant on ...

http://wn.com/Riff_Raff_with_Knutsford_Scabby_Women

Macc Live at The Prohibition Den. Boomtown Fair 2013

Order: Reorder
Duration: 1:42
Updated: 16 Aug 2013

Macc Live at The Prohibition Den Downtown, Boomtown Fair 2013 Filmed by Amy Flex

http://wn.com/Macc_Live_at_The_Prohibition_Den_Boomtown_Fair_2013

Patrick Moraz CTTE Promo Interview

Order: Reorder
Duration: 6:57
Updated: 15 Dec 2013

Patrick Moraz Discussing his appearance on the forthcoming Cruise To The Edge Event in April 2014. For more details please go to www.cruisetotheedge.com

http://wn.com/Patrick_Moraz_CTTE_Promo_Interview

Lambert Macc - Christmas Song (Demo)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 0:59
Updated: 30 Dec 2013

A song that talks you through Lambert's Christmas :) Links Below: http://www.lambertmacc.com/ https://www.facebook.com/LambertMaccOfficial https://twitter.com/lambertmacc https://soundcloud.com/lambert-macc http://www.youtube.com/user/LambertMacc

http://wn.com/Lambert_Macc_Christmas_Song_Demo

Exco's aide falls to death from MACC HQ

Order: Reorder
Duration: 6:18
Updated: 09 Jul 2013

The aide of a Selangor state executive councillor plunged to his death from the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) Selangor headquarters in Shah Ala...

http://wn.com/Exco's_aide_falls_to_death_from_MACC_HQ

Watch Synchronicity 2014 [Online s8aS]Full Movie

Order: Reorder
Duration: 63:45
Updated: 19 Jun 2014

watching : http://filmod.us/?id=3662270 For Synchronicity (2014) full movie Synchronicity (2014) Release at N/A, Written by N/A Director Olivier Madar . With genre Musical Synchronicity (2014) full movie starring by Alan Brooks, Chinatsu Kosakatani, Céline Maufroid, Riccardo Meneghini sumary N/A Synchronicity (2014) Full Movie Synchronicity with Frank Joseph - the Web of Existence - FREE MOVIE ╜Shugo Chara Movie "Mythical Lovers" EP 3 part 5 ╜Can't Stand Losing You, The Police - Original Trailer - Minerva Pictures ╜My Movie (34)The Macc Lads - Salisbury 1991 - 22 Blackpool ╜Any Other Name: Short Film ╜[Len] Looking For You In The Sky - Synchronicity 1/3 - 君を捜す空 [English subs] ╜The Police - Synchronicity Concert LIVE!! in HD & Enhanced Sound ╜ENG - ECHR VIDEO ON ADMISSIBILITY CONDITIONS ╜spanish Tokyo Revelations Synchronicity Full Fandub Spanish ╜Can't Stand Losing You, The Police - Original Trailer - Minerva Pictures ╜Synchronicity with Frank Joseph - the Web of Existence - FREE MOVIE ╜Umberto Lenzi's Nightmare City Movie Tribute Part 2 ╜My Movie (34)The Macc Lads - Salisbury 1991 - 22 Blackpool ╜The Police - Synchronicity Concert LIVE!! in HD & Enhanced Sound ╜Any Other Name: Short Film ╜Synchronicity Concert - The Police ╜[/WGO\] Watch Schindler's List (1993) Full Movie Biography, Drama, History ╜[Len] Looking For You In The Sky - Synchronicity 1/3 - 君を捜す空 [English subs] ╜Synchronicity Concert - The Police ╜ENG - ECHR VIDEO ON ADMISSIBILITY CONDITIONS ╜Bela Fleck - Throw Down Your Heart ╜[/WGO\] Watch Schindler's List (1993) Full Movie Biography, Drama, History ╜The Police - Synchronicity Concert-1983 .flv ╜The Police - Synchronicity Concert-1983 .flv ╜Minority Report AudioBook by Philip K Dick ╜The Police - Synchronicity Concert-1983 .flv ╜

http://wn.com/Watch_Synchronicity_2014_Online_s8aS_Full_Movie

The Swindells - Drastics EP Launch

Order: Reorder
Duration: 35:32
Updated: 26 Jul 2012

Awesome comedy band - Move over Macc Lads, yorkshire does it better!

http://wn.com/The_Swindells_Drastics_EP_Launch

V A - Bollocks To Christmas LP

Order: Reorder
Duration: 53:26
Updated: 04 Aug 2013

01 Christmas Time Again - Bad Manners 0:00 02 Christmas Is Really Fantastic - Frank Sidebottom 3:00 03 Step Into Christmas - The Business 5:09 04 Snowman - A...

http://wn.com/V_A_Bollocks_To_Christmas_LP

doin the support class right battlefield 3

Order: Reorder
Duration: 22:50
Updated: 12 May 2013

idk why cant get sound on my vids but meh enjoy the music qualitys poop but glad u cant see my name i dont want invites only thought about vidin 19 or so kil...

http://wn.com/doin_the_support_class_right_battlefield_3

(Full VHS Version) Viz - Sid The Sexist (18)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 45:34
Updated: 13 Aug 2013

Oot On The Tap - Meet Sid, Baz, Bob & Joe as they set out to paint Newcastle red. Eurosidney - Sid and the lads jet of to sunny spain for a spot of holiday r...

http://wn.com/Full_VHS_Version_Viz_Sid_The_Sexist_18

Macclesfield Boxing Club Show 2013

Order: Reorder
Duration: 77:19
Updated: 28 Apr 2013

Jonny Hough Aaron Murphy Jake Haigh Connor Morrison Peter Bebbington John Watson Josh Spence The second part of Macclesfield Boys Boxing Club annual show 2013, held at Wilmslow Leisure Centre.

http://wn.com/Macclesfield_Boxing_Club_Show_2013

SmotherBoating Vol. 1

Order: Reorder
Duration: 96:01
Updated: 08 Aug 2012

The first volume of the sister series to We Be Boating. Welcome one and all to SmotherBoating vol. 1 in glorious 1080p high definition and, for the first time ever, as one solid video!!!!

http://wn.com/SmotherBoating_Vol_1

Street Punks: The Movie

Order: Reorder
Duration: 55:41
Updated: 09 Dec 2013

http://wn.com/Street_Punks_The_Movie

NYCC '11 Part 3: Herga Derga Perga

Order: Reorder
Duration: 20:41
Updated: 28 Jun 2013

You'll probably hate this one too. :)

http://wn.com/NYCC_'11_Part_3_Herga_Derga_Perga

RASP - Razor Assisted Suicide Planet [Full-length - 1999]

Order: Reorder
Duration: 24:44
Updated: 20 May 2013

Wasser13 hope you enjoy it, damn.. it was so fucking hard to find it haha RASP - Razor Assisted Suicide Planet (1999) Pais: USA Genero: Grindcore Tracks: 1. ...

http://wn.com/RASP_Razor_Assisted_Suicide_Planet_Full-length_1999_

Rosie - S01E01 - Woman Pressure

Order: Reorder
Duration: 31:19
Updated: 27 May 2013

1977 Roy Clarke sitcom starring Paul Greenwood as PC 'Rosie' Penrose. In this follow up to 'The Growing Pains of PC Penrose' he moves back in with his domine...

http://wn.com/Rosie_S01E01_Woman_Pressure

Victims Of Radiation - Diversion To Reality (1st Demo Tape)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 52:23
Updated: 14 Jul 2013

Victims Of Radiation - Diversion To Reality ~ 01 - Motorway Madness 02 - Valley Of Death 03 - Waiting 04 - Life 05 - Micheal Jackson (Must Fucking Die) 06 ...

http://wn.com/Victims_Of_Radiation_Diversion_To_Reality_1st_Demo_Tape

4 Skins - Live (Audio) am 09.03. 1981 im "Roxy" (London)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 25:49
Updated: 06 Jun 2013

Livekonzert 1981: 25 Min. / 10 Tracks. The 4-Skins developed through various line-ups playing low-key London pub gigs sporadically before arriving at their d...

http://wn.com/4_Skins_Live_Audio_am_0903_1981_im_Roxy_London

(Full VHS Version) Reeves And Mortimer's - Driving School

Order: Reorder
Duration: 72:24
Updated: 03 Aug 2013

Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer. The Alternative Guide To The Highway Code.

http://wn.com/Full_VHS_Version_Reeves_And_Mortimer's_Driving_School

Tomb Raider 2013 - Début sur Mac (portage) (sans intro)

Order: Reorder
Duration: 22:35
Updated: 11 Jul 2013

Tomb Raider 2013 tester sur mac via partage, quelques bugs sur le portage font que le jeux n'est pas agréablement jouable, à tester sur une machine plus puissante. Ma config. Pocesseur Intel I5 2,3 Ghz RAM 6 gigas Carte graphique Intel HD 3000 - 385 Mb dédié. OSX 10.8.4

http://wn.com/Tomb_Raider_2013_Début_sur_Mac_portage_sans_intro

Strange Nocturnal live acoustic

Order: Reorder
Duration: 48:52
Updated: 24 Nov 2011

Live acoustic set at Englands most haunted pub, The Black Swan Inn, York, 18-11-11

http://wn.com/Strange_Nocturnal_live_acoustic

FUERZA INTERNA Buenos Aires Hardcore Argentina

Order: Reorder
Duration: 35:31
Updated: 30 Nov 2013

FUERZA INTERNA Banda hardcore de Buenos Aires de principios de los 90s. Unico material NO editado (solo el CD)

http://wn.com/FUERZA_INTERNA_Buenos_Aires_Hardcore_Argentina

Prrot - Cyber Fart grind / Full shit

Order: Reorder
Duration: 28:57
Updated: 19 Oct 2013

Cybergoregrind from Italy! Enjoy! I love this shit ♥

http://wn.com/Prrot_Cyber_Fart_grind_Full_shit

photo: Creative Commons / Grin160

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Nigerian Terrorists Abduct Another 91 Children

Mashable

24 Jun 2014

Islamist militants have reportedly taken another 60 girls and 31 boys in northeast Nigeria, compounding a crisis that began in April when the same group kidnapped more than 200 girls. The latest abductions were made public on Tuesday by the Associated Press, whose reporters couldn't safely verify the information. Nigerians reportedly witnessed the abductions on Saturday in the village of Kummabza ... See also ... Image ... ....(size: 2.9Kb)

photo: AP / Ricardo Mazalan

Uruguay's Luis Suarez holds his teeth after running into Italy's Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder during the group D World Cup soccer match between Italy and Uruguay at the Arena das Dunas in Natal, Brazil, Tuesday, June 24, 2014.

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FIFA probes Luis Suarez for biting Giorgio Chiellini

The Times of India

25 Jun 2014

RIO DE JANEIRO. FIFA said it has opened a disciplinary probe against Luis Suarez of Uruguay for allegedly biting an Italian opponent during a World Cup game Tuesday. Full Coverage. World Cup 2014 . Points Table . Schedule & Results. Uruguay won the game 1-0 but it was overshadowed by the incident involving Suarez and Italy's Giorgio Chiellini. Suarez has already banned twice before in his career for biting opponents ... "I didn't see it ... ....(size: 4.1Kb)

photo: AP

In this undated file picture released on Friday Nov. 29, 2013, and posted on the Facebook page of a militant group, members of Ahrar al-Sham brigade, one of the Syrian rebels groups, exercise in a train camp at unknown place in Syria. With a new label - the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant - the global terror network al-Qaida is positioning itself as a vanguard defending a persecuted Sunni community

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ISIL congratulates Lionel Messi for helping Argentina beat Iran in the World Cup

Sydney Morning Herald

24 Jun 2014

When Argentina's Lionel Messi curled a sumptuous strike past the opposition goalkeeper deep in stoppage time during a match against Iran on Sunday, his nation heaved a sigh of relief ... Advertisement ....(size: 1.2Kb)

photo: AP / Hassan Ammar

Uruguay's Luis Suarez uses his cell phone at a hotel in Natal, Brazil, Wednesday, June 25, 2014. Suarez bit Italian player Giorgio Chiellini during Uruguay's game with Italy on Tuesday, which could lead to Suarez being kicked out of the World Cup.

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Suarez banned nine matches for bite

Stuff

26 Jun 2014

Uruguay striker Luis Suarez was banned for nine matches by FIFA on Thursday (local time) after being found guilty of biting Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini. Suarez was also suspended from any football-related activity for four months and fined 100,000 Swiss francs ($127,000) ... The decision comes into force as soon it is communicated." ... FULL FIFA STATEMENT ... The FIFA Disciplinary Committee has decided that. ... 48 par. 1 lit ... 38 par ... - Reuters....(size: 3.3Kb)

photo: AP / Ricardo Mazalan

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Luis Suarez bites Giorgio Chiellini: the Internet reacts

Digital Spy

24 Jun 2014

Luis Suarez should maybe consider eating before a big game, after he was once again seen allegedly taking a bite out of another player. During today's (June 24) Uruguay v Italy World Cup match, Suarez appeared to headbutt Italy's Giorgio Chiellini who then pulled his down his shirt to show the referee a mark on his shoulder. It's not the first time Suarez has been caught using his teeth on the pitch ... He was then banned for seven games ... ....(size: 2.6Kb)

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Steel Panther review – 'Explicit come-ons and ill-judged jokes'

The Guardian

20 Mar 2014

Academy, Glasgow. Beneath the hair-metal parodists' crass jokes and meathead riffs lies real craftsmanship. 3. Turn it up to 11 … Steel Panther. Photograph. Neil H Kitson/Getty ... If you've heard of them at all, you'll know the spandex-clad LA four-piece are hard rock parodists who turn things up to 11, then keep turning until the knob breaks. They are the Macc Lads of hair metal, AC/DC without the Wodehousean wit, an even crasser Kiss ... ....(size: 2.4Kb)

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The Glastonbury Free Press: Issue One (Glastonbury Festivals Ltd)

noodls

28 Jun 2013

(Source. Glastonbury Festivals Ltd). Friday, 28 June, 2013 . Issue One. A very long time ago at Glastonbury Festival, a photocopied page of information was passed from hand to hand round late night bonfires in the Green Fields. Covering shift rotas, practical advice and the occasional political rant, for a few brief years in the 1980s, The Firelighter was the independent on-site newspaper ... LET THERE BE LIGHT. J-Law ... Arran Dutta ... Macc Lads....(size: 13.5Kb)

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Youth team in action this weekend (Macclesfield Town FC Ltd)

noodls

30 Nov 2012

The Silkmen have beaten Burton Albion to reach this stage and the young Macc Lads would appreciate your support as they take on their counterparts from The Iron ... distributed by ... (noodl. 16790977) ....(size: 1.4Kb)

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Macclesfield 1-0 Stockport CSC (Macclesfield Town FC Ltd)

noodls

01 Nov 2012

Waide Fairhurst nets only goal as Silkmen progress ... And the Macc lad on loan from Preston had more chances to add to his Silkmen tally as a long range shot drifted wide and then a nice run across the box saw him hitting a strike that was also blocked ... With time running out, Mackreth was agonisingly close to adding to Macc's score ... distributed by. This noodl was issued by Macclesfield Town FC Ltd ... (noodl. 16443572) ....(size: 4.3Kb)

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The Nightingales

The Quietus

30 Apr 2012

No Love Lost is the 'gales seventh studio album in thirty-odd years of existence, their first for over three years and their first for Cooking Vinyl records ... "I was as dry as a dead girl's cunt in the desert" is Robert Lloyd's shouted opening gambit, and immediately we're walking that oh-so thin line between Grinderman and the Macc Lads while the taste police look on, breathalysers at the ready ... Nostalgia is not in their vocabulary ... ....(size: 4.1Kb)

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Top Macc Lads, Village Idiot

Its thirty foot long and it stinks of piss, sores and
scabs all over it
Its rude, its wrinkled, its veins are blue,
Its the Thursday morning pension queue
Senile retards out for a drive, you're stuck behind a
Lada for miles
They drool, they dribble, they cough, they wheeze,
They make you queue for hours at Sainsbury's
Fuck off down the post office, if you're handicapped
Village idiot competition for mutants, geeks and spacks
Hobbling, wobbling, doddering, slobbering, stammering,
staggering fools.
Dunces, dullards, demented dimwits, imbeciles, buffoons.
Shuffling halfwits interbred, simpletons with mis-shaped
heads, rotting fossils, decomposing,
Ninnies with no teeth.
Wronglybuilts, grinning, gurning, incontinents and

Top Macc Lads, Vigilante Shanty

I used to be disgusting, now I'm just obscene
I lick the feet of lamp posts where dogs have recently
been
I loiter near the pet shop, I loiter with intent
I loiter near the hamsters, then I loiter in the gents
(We spy creeps and lechers behind our privet hedges)
(Come on, chant a shanty for the village vigilante)
(We prosecute and pester poofs and child molesters)
(Come on, chant a shanty for the village vigilante)
Some men's wee is orange, some men's wee is yellow
I collect it up in jam jars and hide it under my pillow
Sometimes we have wee parties, my friend Nigel likes to
boil it
Jason has a spot of milk, I like it straight from the
toilet
(We've watched you being offensive behind our picket
fences)
(Come on, chant a shanty for the village vigilante)
(Perverts all despise us, we're the fairy liquidisers)

Top Macc Lads, Uncle Nobby

My name is Uncle Knobby, I hang around primary schools
Underneath my raincoat, I'm always totally nude
I show my navel fluff collection to lots of fully-clothed
I get a full erection, and have to rush to the gents
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
Why do you hide in the bushes? What have you done with
our clothes?
I introduce my penis to hamsters, gerbils and mice
I like to read Fiesta, and peek at the reader's wives
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, where's our special treat?
Why do you keep taking pictures and sniffing our bicycle
seats?
I grummidge in my portfolio, which is full of Tampax ads
I look up my own bottom with mirrors from ladies'
handbags
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, can't we please go home?
We've never seen any dildos, we don't want to wear
pantyhose
Ooh! Uncle Knobby, Why have you smeared us with cake?
We don't like standing in custard, and we don't want to

Top Macc Lads, Uncle Knobby

Top Macc Lads, Ugly Women

Just take a look over there,
Is that one fit with the long dark hair?
Well she's got to be a mucky tart,
Her mate looks like a madman's horse.
Can I have the fit one?
Oh, don't be boring,
Me knob's gone deaf, it's one foot long, I've had it up since Monday.
Thank God for ugly women, all the boilers bags and trolls,
Just so they could get a shag they invented alcohol.
Thank God for ugly women, all the boilers bags and trolls,
Just so they could get a shag they invented alcohol.
She had a face a pig wouldn't lick,
Complextion like a bag of sick.
And underneath her hanging gut,
An alsation with it's windpipe cut.
Real fish in her fishnets, all squashed in a paste,
Two inch thick soles and between her legs a very smelly place.
Thank God for ugly women, all the boilers bags and trolls,
Just so they could get a shag they invented alcohol.

Top Macc Lads, Rockweilers

Stuck our faces out the windows on the way to Leeds
Wagged our stumps together, we're not like the other
breeds
We'd lie in wait for postmen, I showed you how to spot
them
But I can't tell you that I love you when your nose is up
my bottom
We hung around the butcher's and grummidged in his ship
I ate too many fish heads and let you eat my sick
The tripe was ripe and mouldy, the sausages were rotten
But I can't tell you that I love you when my nose is up
your bottom
We ate country pancakes, chased rabbits in the fields
Barbara Woodhouse, Ronnie Barker, and Lassie on TV
I even let you lick my piss, or have you just forgotten?
But I can't tell you that I love you when your nose is up

Top Macc Lads, Two Stroke Eddie

He pulled up on a Yammy 750,
I got all wet, my buttocks started shifting
I gave him a wink, I said: "Buy us a drink?"
I got a double vodka and coke,
He said: "Come outside, we'll go for a ride."
I gave his leather trousers a stroke
Two stroke Eddie
I told him straight away I wanted porking
(Tell us about the size of his pole)
He only had an inch, and that was foreskin
(Sounds like he was hung like a vole)
The ugly twat finished in two seconds flat
He had a problem with his timing
The fat, spotty bum asked me if I'd come
He's not worth the crust off my gusset lining
Two-stroke Eddie
I couldn't give a toss about his size, dear
(You're a fucking lying slut)
Two-stroke Eddie didn't touch the sides, dear
(He didn't even have half a foot)
He just made a mess all over my dress,
I didn't even know he'd been in
Then he had the cheek to ask to see me next week
I wouldn't give him cheese off my quim

Top Macc Lads, Twenty Pints

Sup up, lad, I've spilt more ale down me waistcoat
Than you've supped tonight.
Bonnington's or Willy's lads?
Willy's tastes like piss.
I've got ten pints down me neck the night,
He's blown some froth off his.
Now I've got to leave room for me chips,
So twenty pints is fine,
Hey you, you poof, you fucking cunt,
Get off that pint, it's mine.
Twenty pints of Bonnington's every Friday night.
Twenty pints of Bonnington's then we're outside for a fight.
You think you're one of the Macc Lads?
You look a bloody sight.
'Cos I've spilt more ale down me waistcoat,
Than you've supped tonight.
Peter.
And we'll all go down Limmoge's after closing time,
Hey you, you poof, you fucking cunt,
Get off that crack it's mine.
Twenty pints of Bonnington's every Friday night.
Twenty pints of Bonnington's then we're outside for a fight.
You think you're one of the Macc Lads?
You're too fucking tight.
'Cos I've spilt more ale down me waistcoat,
Than you've supped tonight.
'Cos I've spilt more ale down me waistcoat,

Top Macc Lads, Torremolinos

Flew out of Ringway, BOAC, spent a packet on duty-free
Got our passports and we had our shots, just hope its not
too fucking hot
Got dead pissed-up on the plane, couldn't wait to get to
Spain
The crumpet was so fit I nearly came
We all went down Torremolinos, I pulled this bird from
Pontefract
I got a big red ring round the base of my penis
It wasn't Boots 17, and that's a fact
She was just dirty, it was a Club 18-30
We went round nicking from tourist shops,
Stez Styx went battering greasy wops
Beater complained about the lousy beer
Chorley ate paella, he got diarrhoea
Knobby's looking at the tits, Barrel's eating egg and
chips
Don't drink the water, it'll give you the shits
We all went down Costa Blanca, Stez pulled this bird from
Prestatyn (press that in)
But he didn't pull it out, he's a fucking wanker,
Now half the kids in Wales look like him

Top Macc Lads, Thinking In The Dark

Went down Discount Giant, and stood in the queue
Looked in the next trolley, like you do,
Just standing, thinking, about this and that. Standing
there, thinking-
There's low-fat this, reduced-fat that,
What the fuck do they do with all the fat?
And what do they do with the alcohol stuff-
The stuff they take out of the beer for poofs?
The lead out of petrol?
The fags with low tar?
What about the calories they've taken out of margarine,
Salad cream and Lean Cuisine, Heinz Baked Beans, and
mushy peas?
Do they sling them into binbags and send them to Bosnia?
The bulb in the bog went, during a dump.
I'm sat in the darkness, with crap on my rump.
Sitting, thinking, in the dark,
Just sitting, thinking- How does Stevie Wonder wipe his
arse?
When the first bit of bogroll leaves buttock cleft
I always inspect it, to see how much turd's left -
All those blind bastards are in the dark,
No wonder Blue Peter need sixty billion bottle tops,
Because, you know, it costs a lot to coax and train a
guide dog

Top Macc Lads, The Macc Lads' Party

Where's the fucking party?
Someone's in the kitchen eating pies and mucky tarts,
Bammy's in the bathroom and he's lighting up his farts.
Now Peter's supping bitter, he's getting really canned,
He locks himself in the bog and he's shagging Baggy Anne.
The Macc Lads are having a party, round at Mutley's place,
You'd better bring some ale my son or we'll smash you in the face.
Someone shouts "ale's run out, who's for tea or coffee?"
But Stez Styx pegs it down the road and breaks into to the offy.
And Charlotte's eating mushies, she's really off her box,
She's going to take her false teeth out and suck some scabby cocks.
The Macc Lads are having a party, round at Mutley's flat,
You'd better bring some ale my son or we'll kick your fucking twat.
The Macc Lads are having a party, round at Mutley's flat,
You'd better bring some ale my son or we'll smash your fucking twat.
When the Macc Lads have a party then they do it fucking right,
If we start it on a Monday then it ends on Sunday night.
You can come if your a Macc Lad,
You can fuck off if you're queer,
You can come if you're a fit crack,
But you've got to bring some beer.

Top Macc Lads, Prestbury Girls

Knutsford girls are fat and spotty, Buxton girls have got
big bottys
Nantwich girlies' tits are flabby. Prestbury girls have
got rich daddies
Paula or Lynn, they've all got a quim,
Maggie or Madge,
They've all got lips and tits and clits and slits and
pinkish bits and a pouting vadge
Wilmslow girls all like Chris Rea, Sandbach girls have
gonhorrea,
Poynton girls go out with Martins, Gawsworth girls just
can't stop farting
Tights or stockings, they all want a cock in
Barbara or Babs
They've all got lips and tits and clits and slits and
pinkish bits and pouting flaps
Give me any old bag, I'll fucking fuck it
Give me any old bag, even if they're fat
Give me any old bag, with a cunt like a bucket
They've all got lips and tits and clits and slits and

Top Macc Lads, The Lads From Macc

Ten pints of Boddies and a barley wine,
We've got to make the Bear's Head before closing time.
We're the Macc Lads, we were born in a pub,
We like us ale and we like us grub,
We're the Macc Lads and we ain't fuckin' puffs.
We're the Lads from Macc,
We want some crack,
We're the Lads from Macc, alright?
Now before we go out shaggin' the night,
We drive around insulting every bugger in sight,
Hre's and old bag, just the job,
Right lads, lets get ready wi' gob,
Stanly Ogden? He's a fuckin' slob.
We're the Lads from Macc,
We want some crack,
We're the Lads from Macc.
We're the Macc Lads, we're fuckin' rough,
We like us ale, we can't get enough,
We're the Macc Lads and we ain't fuckin' puffs.
We're the Lads from Macc,
We want some crack,
We're the Lads from Macc, alright?
Get your gob 'round me knob,
Get your teeth 'round me beef,
Get your lipsies 'round me titsies,
Get your smackers 'round me knackers,
Get your gums 'round me brums,
Talk to me pork,
Get your smackers round me knackers.
Alright my son?
We're the Lads from Macc,
We want some crack,
We're the Lads from Macc, alright?
(Repeat x2)
Beer 'n' Sex 'n' Chips 'n' Gravy
Clean me teeth, put on me best clobber,
Tonight's the night I'm going fer knob 'er,
Vaxhaull Vivas all covered in rust,
But you can't fuck yer bird on a 29 bus,
One, two, one two three four,
Beer 'n' sex 'n' chips 'n' gravy
It's all a Macc Lad wants,
Beer 'n' sex 'n' chips 'n' gravy,
Tasty bit of cunt.
So gerrup off the floor,
Finish yer chips, we're gonna go sup some more.
I pulled a punt down the fox 'n' grapes,
A game of darts an' a lot of beer,
I said "can you hold your liquor love?"
She said "yes I can, always by the ears."
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
Tasty birrov cunt,
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
It's all a Macc Lad wants.
I've told you once before,
Gerrup off the floor,
Finish yer chips, we're gonna go sup some more...
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
Beer and sex and chips and gravy.
Treat yer women like toilets,
The're happy while you're abusing them,
But toilets don't follow yer 'round,
When you've finished using them
One two three four,
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
Beer and sex and chips and gravy,
Gerrit down yer necks.
Beer an' sex an' sex an' gravy..

Top Macc Lads, That's Gay

He went to bed dead early, for holding hands with girlies
He tried to get dead thin, he worked out in a gym
That's gay
"My other car's a porsche" he wears boxer shorts
Got an earring in his ear, he takes it up the rear
That's gay
Forever smoking hemp, he wears deoderant
Dresses like a ponce, his hair is all bouffont
That's gay
Goes to the pub at ten, likes sleeping with men, ten
sugars in his tea,
Watches Dynasty, writes to Simon Bates, bought some

Top Macc Lads, Tart With The Heart

She came out of the bogs, she stank of damp dogs
With an Oxfam shop smell, her clothes were louder than
hell
Drowning out the jukebox
I avoided her stare by diving under a chair
But right next to my nose, a pair of stilettos
I didn't have a prayer
She shouts:
"Hey you, what you doing down there?
I were jutht tellin' the girlth about our affair-
How you took uth 'ome a week latht Thunday,
And made a meth before I got your knob out of your
undieth"
She's the tart with the heart, she's the bitch with the
lisp
Spreads the word and her legs, she's a gossip columnist
Look up in the 'phone book for the Northern part of
China
There's still one Chin that hasn't been hard-up on her
vagina
She was lying, of course. I made a bolt for the door,
But the loudmouth slut stuck out a foot, and put me
back on the floor
I crawled behind the plants to avoid her glance,
But before very long, the familiar pong - vaginal
deoderant
She shouts:
"Hey you, what you doing down there?
I were jutht tellin' your maytth about our affair
And if therth any chanth you could get thum medicathion

Top Macc Lads, Tab After Tab

Pint after pint after pint after pint we sup,
Crack after crack after crack after crack we fuck,
There's a pink giving me the wink,
And she'll make me finger stink,
I think it's all this beer they make me drink.
Tab after tab after tab after tab we smoke,
Tart after tart after tart after tart we poke,
I'm getting intimate with twats,
Parting saddlebags,
I think it's all this crack they make me shag.
They make me shag.
Me belly's hanging lower,
Me knob drags along the floor,

Top Macc Lads, Sweatty Betty

Well, she wore big knickers,
And she worked on t' sewage farm,
I got me 'and down 'er jeans an'
I nearly lost half me arm.
But after ten pints,
Looked quite fit,
Couldn't wait to get me hands
On her flabby tits.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty,
So I said slap that and ride the ripples,
I've just got to get me gob
'Round her inverted nipples.
She had a massive arse
And sweatty breasts,
Thirty eight inch,
She were a mound of flesh.
Sweatty Betty, she eats a lot of pies,
Sweatty Betty, she's got enormous thighs,
Sweatty Betty, have you smelt her breath,
Sweatty Betty, she'll crush a man to death.
And I knew that she wanted me fer shag 'er,
So I stabbed 'er cunt with me mutton dagger,
I couldn't believe the spots on her bum,
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty.
'An I've seen real Maccicians gerroff 'ome
But you know me, I'll shag endless buer.
Sweatty Betty, she eats a lot of chips,
Sweatty Betty, she's got massive tits,
Sweatty Betty, she's got a huge vagina,
Sweatty Betty, you'd fit a bus inside 'er.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, she's so obscene,
Sweatty Betty, it doesn't matter to me.
Sweatty Betty, she's like a lump of lard,
Sweatty Betty, she makes me willy hard.
England's Glory
Shut up and listen,
I'm gonna tell thee a story,
About me trip down south,
To the crotch of England's glory.
Took some Dombies and a Bod can,
To make me fell at home,
I'm going down London,
Dig up paving stones.
Got to London half past six,
And I wished I'd never come,
'Cos there's puffs down 'ere
Drinkin' halves of larger,
Without notes from their mum's.
No gravy at the chippy,
And what's a savaloy?
Every pub were full of boring
Isling bottom boys.
We are all just simple lads,
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
An' a wife at home to fuck.
If I live to be forty,
I'll never understand,
Why they're up 'till eleven,
To drink beer that's second-hand.
Dialling 0625 on the telephone,
I shouts "pull us a pint of bitter ale
The night I'm comin' home."
We are all just simple lads,
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
And a wife at home to fuck.
Yeah, we are all just simple lads
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
And a wife at home to fuck.

Top Macc Lads, Stoppy Back

Come on lads and lasses will you finish up your glasses,
Let's go home.
Now you know the regulations I don't want an explanation,
Time to go.
Fuck off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back.
Fuck off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back.
Twenty minutes past last orders, now you've all got homes to go to,
Tatty bye.
Now we've had your fucking money now then piss off home to mummy,
Let's go home.
Fuck off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back.
Fuck off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back.
Well, I couldn't give a rat turd if it's raining cats and dogs,
Will you nick that fucking bastard and stop hiding in the bogs,
Fuck off home.
Fuck off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back.
Fuck off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back.

Top Macc Lads, Saturday Night

It was Saturday night, we were dressed for the kill,
I've got my rubbers, Stez wants one on the pill
'Come on lads, stop hanging around, get in the car and
we'll hit the fucking town.'
Beater pulled a rough one, but she had a lot up front,
Greasy hair, hadn't washed for weeks
She had flies buzzing round her melon
Saturday night, time for boozing and fighting
Saturday night, its fucking exciting
Saturday night, time to get the ale in
Saturday night, Bald Eagle's paying
Watch it Beater! Her boyfriend's here
Broken nose, cauliflower ear
That bastard weighs 500lb
Look at his hands, they're dragging on the ground
Saturday night, time for boozing and fighting
Saturday night, its fucking exciting
Saturday night, time to get plastered

Top Macc Lads, Poodles

Fat bastard squeezes into his car, seatbelt's too
small, but he's not going far.
Burns off into the countryside to a pub with real ale
and plenty of pies.
A dull thud gives the fatty a jolt, puts his weight on
the brakes,
Brings the car to a halt.
There's a poodle in the grass on the verge, laid on its
back, paws in the air.
And so he huffs and he puffs to get out of the car
Sweat on his head, bags round his arse
Picking up a boulder from the edge of the field,
He puts a quick end to the dog's misery
Big rock breaks the little dog's skull, fatty doesn't
stop 'til the head is a pulp
Kicks the carcass right under the weeds,
Huffs back to his car, he's late for his feed.
Pulls up outside the "Traveller's Rest", big plate of
chips and a large chicken breast.
Then a copper wanders into the snug, says he'd like a
quick word outside of the pub
And so he huffs and he puffs, trying to finish his
snack,
Tells the PC he's applied for his tax...
"We've had a call from Mrs Ball, who lives down the
lane,
She was out with her dogs, she was watching them play.
A motorist drove up so fast, it gave her a shock, he
ran Bonzo down,
He screeched to a halt. Got out of the car, was
overweight, and seemed out of breath,
He picked up a rock, and battered Trixie to death.
If it wasn't you, then tell the truth, explain if you
will,

Top Macc Lads, Piles

She came from Biddulph, and she called me "duck"
I'd seen her picture in a dirty book,
Something secret made her give it up,
She wouldn't spill the beans
But something's the matter, coz my car seat smelled
She had the hardest pair of panties that I've ever felt
She must be wearing a chastity belt - I couldn't get in
her jeans.
She said: "Can you keep a secret?" and confided in me
"Don't go telling nobody!"
I said: "This bastard's going on the next LP!"
And I yelled at the top of my lungs...
She's got piles up her arse, piles up her bum, piles up
her fanny and a sore rectum
Piles up her arse, piles up her bum, and bunions
She can't wipe her arse, and her gusset's soiled
By the pus dripping out of her haemmoroids
Everybody's calling her Olive Boil
She said: "Don't take the piss"
Nodules up her bottom and pink polyps
Warts up her sphincter and her buttock lips
She leaves mucus wherever she sits
"Hey, lads! Look at this!"
She's got piles up her arse, piles up her bum, piles up
her fanny and a sore rectum
Piles up her arse, piles up her bum, and bunions
Everytime she squats upon my face
My nose gets full of evil-smelling paste

Top Macc Lads, Pie Taster

She had just turned twenty nine ... (needed a good
ironing)
Smelling like a tench ... (face looked like a welder's
bench)
Her tights were baggy at the rear ... (she could fart for
Lancashire)
She said she liked the taste of my bell-end cheddar
And she asked me if I wanted to bed her.
She was desperate for a fuck ... (said her cunt was
healing up)
Piles and NSU ... (creepy crawlies in her pubes)
Dribbling out of her womb ... (more semen (seamen) than
the QE2)
I've never been to bed with an ugly woman
But I've woken up with one or two

Top Macc Lads, No Sheep 'til Buxton

Sheep shaggers....
Went up in the hills,
We was on a binge,
Look for some pubs and up some minge.
Couldn't find us no beer,
We just found sheep,
So fuckin' many put the Peter to sleep.
There were sheep in the fields
And under the trees,
Sheep in the houses
And under your feet.
Sheep on the pavement
Sheep in the car
Sheep in the pubs and we all got barred.
Sheep, sheep everywhere,
The little wooly fuckers are all over the place,
Sheep, sheep everywhere,
We're fighting for the one with the prettiest face.
So this is what locals get up to at night.
Trying to get anthrax,
And make sure they use trite.
Sunk to their nuts whilst their rodding a ram,
And they're just as well hung for a sheep as a lamb.
Sheep shit on their foreskin and all over their suits,
Little black berries in their wellington boots,
Sheep shit on their trousers and all over their flies,
Don't let the farmer pull the wool over your knob.
Sheep, sheep everywhere.
Mutton daggers at the ready and they're full of mint sauce.
Sheep, sheep everywhere,
We're gonna get a bleating from the mother in law...
Ooowow!
Sheep, sheep everywhere,
All the farmers daugters' got a sheepskin coat.
Sheep, sheep everywhere,
They've got to wear a woolly if they want to pull a bloke.
Sheep, sheep everywhere,

Top Macc Lads, Newcy Brow

"How you doing, pal? Mind if I bother you? Me bird's
buggered off in a BMW.
The cunt had a suit on, old enough to be her dad, I'd
like to kick his bollocks
To Bollington and back."
Don't be a plank, she wasn't worth a wank, we'll go up
town, we'll go down the Crown
You can buy a round of
Newcy Brown. There's loads more pebbles on the beach
Newcy Brown. There's loads more cobbles on the street
Newcy Brown. But did the bitch have massive tits?
"She was the best looking woman in all of Macclesfield,
She wouldn't talk to my pork, and her cunt lips were
sealed
She couldn't give a shit about me, but she could give a
toss
She had the best pair of melons I've ever come across."
Don't be a fool, she wouldn't suck your tool,
Don't be a clown, we'll go down the Crown, you can buy
a round of
Newcy Brown. There's loads more carrots in the sick
Newcy Brown. There's loads more hairs around me dick
Newcy Brown. If the bag don't bonk then you fuck them
off.
Don't fucking whinge, she had a sweaty minge, we've all
banged her clout,
You're missing nowt, buy another round of
Newcy Brown. There's loads more insects on the dog
Newcy Brown. There's loads more pubes around the bog

Top Macc Lads, Fat Bastard

He'll eat your pies, he'll tell you lies,
You wouldn't believe that fat bastard's size
His massive gut is forty foot, it goes dark when he walks
in the pub
His buttocks part, you'll smell his farts,
He's so fat, he can't wipe his own arse.
So now you've heard about the ugly turd,
He's a virgin and he's never had a bird
Does anyone know he's gay? He goes round spreading AIDs.
(We haven't got a clue where the fat fucker is)
Has anyone seen him eat? He's never seen his feet.
The fat bastard.
Five hundred pounds, he's very round,
But he gets taller when he lies on the ground
He busts his flies, but he can't hide,
Coz he's too big, too fat and too fucking wide
Can anyone guess his weight? That was his fourteenth
plate
(We haven't got a clue where the fat fucker is)
His backside blubbers about, cleavage peeping out
The fat bastard
Where's the fat cunt at? Even his fat is fat.
(Found him, he's over here)
You took your time to spot him, he's got an enormous
bottom

Top Macc Lads, Naughty Boy

When he finally got a snog, he left a spider in his gob,
and she ran off with a squeal. He found a
dogshit in the street, she wondered where he'd put it,
then she found it in her gusset, maggots in
her chicken tikka, he poured Blue Stratos down her
knickers. She went to drop a log, there was clingfilm on
the bog, and she didn't find it funny, coz her arse was
wet and runny, but its just a little joke, and he offered
her a smoke, then the fucking fag explodes, he runs
laughing down the road.
Naughtiest boy in the world
He put your windows through, coz you'd beaten him at
pool, fills your tea with senakot, you spend
a weekend on the bog, when you've pebble-dashed the bowl,
you find he's nicked the toilet roll,
and you run out of the loo, with your arse covered in
pooh, and you've got your trousers down, you
find he's brought the neighbours round, and your bottom's
brown and bare, there's a rope across
the stairs, you go crashing down two floors, he runs
laughing out the door.
Naughtiest boy in the world
Who pissed in your newcy brown?
Who let your tyres down?
Who put vomit in your custard?
Smeared the cat's arse with mustard?
Who put ratshit in your hat?

Top Macc Lads, Nagasaki Sauce

Well the weekend is coming and it's time for a bath,
We're going to sup some Boddies and we'll have a good laugh,
So leave the dog at home or it'll want some drinks.
Go to Dag's, get some fags, pull a couple of slags.
Give the dog a bone and leave it chained to the sink.
Have a pint have a pint 'cos it's Saturday night
And we'll have chips and gravy twice,
We'll have Pukka, chips and peas and two fried rice,
Cut the baby on the bayonet and a sweet and sour pork,
And half a dozen spare ribs and a Nagasaki sauce.
Pulled a dodgy boiler, it was worse than wife,
I you stand them on their heads then they're always alright,
Dragged her down silkworks with a few of us mates,
But don't look in the mirror when your fucking Grace.
And we'll have chips and gravy twice,
We'll have Pukka, chips and peas and two fried rice,
Cut the baby on the bayonet and a sweet and sour pork,
And half a dozen spare ribs and a Nagasaki sauce.
Guitar!
We all fell in the Viva with the Vinyl roof,
They do that in London 'cos they're all damn fuckin' poofs.
Bangin' and puking in the back seat,
We're going on a tour of Sunderland Street.
And we'll have chips and gravy twice,
We'll have Pukka, chips and peas and two fried rice,
Cut the baby on the bayonet and a sweet and sour pork,
And half a dozen spare ribs and a Nagasaki Sauce.

Top Macc Lads, My Pub

I've been going t'same pub fer twenty year,
It were half a crown then fer buy me beer,
But they closed it down fer redecorate,
They said we'll knock a wall down,
Change bar round,
Paint door brown,
It's going to look great.
When I walked into it I couldn't believe me eyes,
Every cunt had a shirt and tie,
Mirrored walls and daft plastic trees,
It were a fun pub disco,
Wine bar bistro,
Gay club puff house,
Cocktail carvary.
So I walked to the bar fer to get me ale,
She said Tetly Bitter's not for sale,
They had fizzy lager with a German name,
I said you've got to be joking,
I started choking, me voice were croaking,
I turned round.
Then a penguin grabbed me fer to throw me out,
He said you've got to dress like a twat end to get in now,
But I've been served in here for twenty years,
Now it's a fun pub disco,
Wine bar bistro,
Gay club puff house,
Cocktail...
Oh what the fuck fuck fuck have they done to me pub,
What the fuck fuck fuck have they done to me pub,
What the fuck fuck fuck have they done to me pub,
Now it's a fun pub disco,
Wine bar bistro,
Gay club puff house,

Top Macc Lads, More Tea Vicar

My bird rang up just the other day, she said:
"Get round fast, me folks have gone away. They've
booked two weeks in Torremolinos"
I was round in a flash with a rock hard penis.
Threw her down on her mum and dad's bed- skirt up,
knickers off, legs well spread.
One second after I'd filled up her twat, she shouts:
"Fuck pig and arsehole! Me mum and dad's back!"
Ran to the kitchen, pretend nowt's afoot- spic bastards
on strike, airport shut.
"Yes, Reverand, no Reverand," polite chit-chat,
Then I saw a dribble and I heard a splat...
(Wee-Splat!) Glodge of jism's landed on the floor
Left foot on the bastard, vicar chats about the war
(Wee-Splat!) Another glob on the 'welcome' mat,
If I stretch my right leg, I'll get my foot on the twat
My bird leans over and quietly whispers:
"Nip upstairs and try and find me knickers."
"If they catch me up there, I'll get shot, besides, I
can't move- I'm stuck to the spot,
And keep your knees together, stop moving about,
There's all manner of gear falling out of your clout."
"... And this band you're in, is it heavy metal?"
Christ almighty! She's over by the kettle!
(Wee-Splat!) Drop of spunk's landed by the cooker
Threw my jacket down and covered up the fucker
(Wee-Splat!) If he missed that cunt, the old git needs
spectacles
How much yoghurt do I keep in my testicles?
Sticky pattern on the lino getting bigger and bigger,
"Garden looks nice, more tea vicar?"
"Now then son, you been shagging our Louise?
There's one of her pubes stuck in your teeth,
And my fucking floor's covered in bladder adder snot,
May the Lord strike you down dead upon this spot!"
He slips in the slime and lands on his bot,

Top Macc Lads, Monkees

Here we come, Muttley, Beater, Stez Styx
We drink Boddington's bitter, and we smoke No6
Eh up! We're the Macc Lads, we're not fucking queer
We like pulling fit crack and supping lots of beer
Here we come, three fucking good friends, if you say owt
against us,
We'll kick your fucking bell end
We like chips n gravy, nowt'll take its place
Don't you fuck with the Macc Lads
Or we'll arrange your fucking face
Here we come, feeling fucking sore
Got us money last friday and pissed it up the wall
Eh up! We're the Macc Lads, we go down the pub

Top Macc Lads, Mister Methane

I must be going soft, or I'm turning paranoid,
Its been over a week since I went out with the boys
I've not been down the football, I've missed two
stoppy-backs
I haven't been disgusting when I'm chatting-up the
crack
I've not been sick or waved me dick at fanny in the
street
Poured bitter down me arsehole or drank a pint of piss
Or slashed through letterboxes, ate kebabs and puked
them up
Then I found this old phone number and I thought:
"Oh what the fuck- I'll ring it up."
"Help me Mr Methane, what the bollocks can I do?"
His secretary says she's got the Kremlin on line two,
And Maggie Thatcher's got a problem with the TUC
And Mr Methane's sorting out the German Unity
I said: "Sod the Bank of England and the economy,
Hang the commie bastards, twat the EEC,
I've got a problem with my beer and sex and chips n
gravy
And I haven't beat a poof up since a week last
Saturday,
Haven't had a shag since Tuesday, (I forgot to throw
her out)
I only drank ten pints last night (its practically
nowt)
The secretary says: "I see, I'll get him for you fast!"
Mr Methane came, picked up the phone, and offered his
advice
With a blast........
I slammed the phone down, pegged it down the local like
a shot,
Drinking beer like something that drinks beer a fucking
Rammed me knob right down the gob of the nearest bird
to me
Took her back, filled her crack, then said: "You've got
HIV,
But don't worry, if you hurry, there's a number you can
call,
He sorts out massive problems, and viruses are small,
So fuck off to the phonebox, slag, or I'll give you the
boot,
She rang up Mr Methane and he cured her instantly....
With a poot.
If you've got a cough, your bitter's off, or you just
can't get dead pissed,
Got no fags, the wife's a drag, kidnapped by
terrorists,
Or something's wrong with the plane you're on and its
crashing in the sea,
Call up Mr Methane, he's cured AIDs and dysentry,
Famines, floods and tidal waves and cancer of the heart
And he'll even tell you who will win the two o'clock at
York....

Top Macc Lads, Miss Macclesfield

She was the perfect woman,
She was my kind of a bird,
'Cos she stayed in the kitchen and she never said a word.
She had real big tits and a lovely slappable arse,
But now she's into barbeques and wine bars.
Oh, I used to go out with her 'cos she cooked me all me meals,
Then one day she made it big when she won Miss Macclesfield.
She married and Italian just 'cos he were posh,
And they honeymooned in Brussles and he played a bit of squash.
Next she wed an ale baron who come from Lancashire,
But he wasn't rich, he was just another Wigan queer.
Oh, I used to out with here 'cos she cooked me all me meals,
Miss Macclesfield....
Then one day she made it big, when she won Miss Macclesfield.
She'll get fed up of buffets and one day she'll come back,
'Cos she knows that all the real men live in Macc,
She'll tell me that she loves me and she hated livin' with toffs,
So I'll slip her a length and then I'll tell her,
Fuck off.
I used to go out with her 'cos she cooked a nice bit of grub,
She may have been a beauty queen but I'd rather go down the pub.

Top Macc Lads, Mccavity

He's harder than nails, tougher than bricks
(Weighs nine stones with muscles in his shit)
Karate king, kung-fu master
(Shaves with a plane, he's a fucking hard bastard)
He's filled more holes than a JCB
(So don't you fuck with McCavity)
He won't pat dogs, he eats dead cats
(He'll rip your bollocks off and stuff them up your twat)
He's had a blow job off an alligator
(He likes to wank with an old cheese grater)
He's got all the crack begging on their knees, they say:
(I'll bend down, you fill my cavity)
When he's necked his pint, he'll eat the glass
(He can smoke a million smelly French fags)
He can splash Brute all over his bollocks
(Fuck off you cunt, nothing rhymes with that)
Sorry
Er ... He can drink beer with a high specific gravity
(Thank fuck for that, coz it rhymes with..............

Top Macc Lads, Manfred Macc

There she was just walking down Mill St,
She looked so fit, I just had to beat me meat
Blonde hair, blue eyes. Do you want to try my dick for
size?
Before I knew it, she had kicked me in the balls
I never said a word, I couldn’t walk, so I crawled
Dead fit, nice arse, and she knew her martial arts.
I could tell that she wanted my pork, so I offered her a
ride in my brand new Porsche
"Do you want a weekend on my yacht in St Moritz?"
She said: "Fuck off, you liar," and smashed my bollocks
with her fist.
She was playing hard to get, I wasn’t throwing in the
towel:
"Do you like chicken, love? Well then, taste my knob, its
foul (fowl)."
Big tits, long legs, she sank a spanner in my head.

Top Macc Lads, Man In The Boat

Her tits hung low, but her arse was flabbier,
My fingers went in search of the pouting labia
Smelled dead strong, I thought I'll have a bit of this
And my tongue went looking for the clitoris
Can't fucking find it - where's the man in the boat?
The bastard's disappeared, she must be faking
Its like trying to find a bean in ten pounds of bacon
Loads of hair and uncooked mutton
There's no sign of a little pink button
Can't fucking find it - where's the man in the boat?
She turned over to watch Eastenders
There must be a diagram someone could lend us
Tried further up, got no reaction

Top Macc Lads, Made Of Ale

Mucky hiker hitching West along the M65,
She's got seamen (semen) on her chest and Morecambe (more
come) on her sign
She said she'd got her menstrual cycle, I said: "You'd
better flog it"
Didn't want to make a meal of her, so I gave her a lump
of hot fish yoghurt
I bet she comes from Macclesfield
Filthy, fat and flatulent, she couldn't make a decent
brew,
Ugly as a pig, she couldn't cook a jew (coo-ca-choo)
Its no wonder they call them pigs, look at the way she
grunts
She thinks she's posh, but she's like a tampon,
Coz they're both just stuck-up cunts
I bet she comes from Macclesfield
Turned out she owned a pub in London, called the Old
White Hart
She became my Maid of Ale

Top Macc Lads, Lucy Lastic

Well, in this life there's a couple of certs,
One is death and the other's a nurse,
Well Lucy's old and they say she's passed it,
But I gave her one and her tits were that big,
And they said bollocks and they're made of plastic,
And that I never touched her,
That's just bagshit.
Lucy Lastic, we shagged everywhere,
On the washer in the kitchen and twice on the stairs,
Did you fuck? You're making it up.
Well I got a red pint round the back of our house,
Are you sure you want to play with my little red mouse?
I found his tail right up Lucy Lastic,
The Russians are coming, this is drastic.
So I closed the curtains and I sat on her belly,
There was dogfood in her clevage, forgot about torn welly.
Lucy Lastic's got a great back,
Two pounds of tripe just to take up the slack.
Was there fuck, you're making it up.
Lucy Lastic we shagged in a skip.
Dead cats in her knickers, tea bags on her tits.
We did it in a snowdrift in Wilderclough,
But Lucy Lastic was loose enough,
Lucy Lastic were loose enough,
Lucy Lastic were loose enough,

Top Macc Lads, Back On The Pies Again

Wobble bottom, twenty stones, thyroid problem and big
boned
(Don't believe a word of that, he's a fat and lying cunt)
Doctor got my jaws wired up, coz I was as fat as fuck,
(Slim in weeks or money back.....we'll tone-up that runny
fat)
Fat boy wobbles like a weeble wobbles, we're all laughing
like a drain
Fat boy waddles like a walrus waddles now he's back on
the pies once again
I spend all my salary on beer and fags and calories
(He ate chips and mushy peas recovered from an autopsy)
Offal, hair, and suckling pig, I'll eat any fucking thing
(He'll eat dogs and abortions, but he don't like small
portions)
I'm so fat and gluttonous, I can't do my buttons up
(He ate half of Anglesey.... and two pygmies with

Top Macc Lads, Lady Muck

Well I want to sing a song about Lady Muck yoooh,
Well, it weren't her real name, but it rhymed with fuck.
An' I'm gonna nacc me voice doin' this for too long,
Come on Fast Fret, let's get on with the song.
She was sitting at a table shouting "Waiter where's the wine?"
But you don't come in MacDonald's if you really want to get pissed,
Take me for a drink, she handed me her car keys,
Get me out of here, the place is full of grelbies.
You can use her piss for purfume and her pubes for dental floss,
And her shit would make good perfume because she's so fucking posh,
Lady Muck.
Drove her round the town, Friday night were pay night,
She said she was a witch and turned into a layby,
Did a spell of snogging and a spot of fingering,
Found her name was Jonelle by the lables on her lingerie...
She had a fur coat and no knickers,
But she were a real lady,
And she never swore or farted
And she drove a gold Mercedes,
Lady Muck.
Yaaaaaaaaw.
You can use her piss for purfume and her pubes for dental floss,
And her shit would make good perfume because she's so fucking posh,
She had a fur coat and no knickers,
Butshe were a real lady,
And she never swore or farted
When she spilt her chips and gravy.
Lady Muck,
Lady Muck,
Lady Muck,

Top Macc Lads, Guess Me Weight

I bet my mates I could get a date with a girl called Edna
Gratton
She walked in the place, said she liked my face-
It was one she hadn't sat on
I said: 'I hope you're insured if you want me pork sword,
Its what comes when I sup Boddingtons, if you want a
quick fiddle,
Its wrapped round me middle, and in a warehouse down in
Warrington
Sit on me face, I'll guess your weight.'
They drip with fear when they see my beef spear
Come busting (combusting) out of me flies
When I've supped me ale, they get impaled, they just
can't take its size
Lying in this fucking field, outside Duckinfield,
Her knickers wet and sloppy
I was going to take her, when her cunt said:
'Breaker, breaker, anyone for a copy?'
I fumbled past the boils, dug out a rusty coil,
I could have been scarred for life
It lay there rusting, I said it smelled disgusting,

Top Macc Lads, Grease Stop

Packing up the PA at the end of the night,
Everybody's knackered and they're covered in shite
We've played to Southern poofters, Jocks and Druids
And showered each other with bodily fluids
Blood sweat and beer, fanny batter and piss
We're going to the services on the M6
Grease stop: bacon and eggs, sausage and beans and a pile
of fried bread
Grease stop: who'll eat the most? Ben Nevis has pissed on
Slippery's toast
Costs a fucking packet, but don't you knock it
Stez hid his beans in his inside pocket
I've got a pickled liver, I don't give a shit, more tar
on my lungs than the A56,
Spots on my face from too many chips,
No woman would give me the crust off her clit
Blood sweat and beer, beer sweat and blood
Seventeen miles to Michael Wood
Grease stop: piles of fried bread, Muttley got hit by a
low-flying egg
Grease stop: bring your own ale, black puddings are off,
the bread buns are stale
Grease stop: pie on your head, beans down your teeshirt,
soup down your leg
Grease stop: who'll eat the most? Slippery pissed on
McCavity's toast
Blood sweat and beer, beer sweat and crap

Top Macc Lads, Got To Be Gordon's

Poof at the clinic - he's got the gay plague:
'Help me doctor, my bum's in pain.'
'Get down Kwok Lai's for a 45, eight tandooris and a
chicken pie,
Ten pints of Guinness and a vindaloo, box of All Bran and
a bowl of prunes
Dash to the bog and lock the door-
Then you'll know what your arsehole's for.'
Don't be a poof or a queer brown hatter
A turd burglar or a buttock basher
Eat chips n gravy and cod in batter
You'll be safe from the botty slappers
MPs down South eat caviar
(Smells as fishy as a poofter's fart)
She says we eat shit if we live up North
(She needs a gobful of Macc Lad's pork)
'Chips and gravy make you spotty'
(They're the ones with the dead sore bottys)
If you want to be a Macc Lad and not get AIDs

Top Macc Lads, Gone Fishin'

I knew she had pox, when I looked for clean socks,
I found fingers under the bed,
And a couple of toes where the fungus grows on the
pillow next to her head
Didn't need a detective to know she's infected
There's a greenish pus oozing out of her truss, I put
on protective clothes,
I found some gout when I mucked her out and the smell
got up my nose
She decomposes, but its good for the roses
The skin's got no pigment, I think its malignant
We've not shared a bed since we've been wed,
I'm gone fishing most of the time
Because my bride's a thalidomide, her legs don't open
too wide
She never answers, I think she's got cancer
There's a growth on each cheek, and the discharge seeps
Through the mushrooms onto the sheets
The bedsores weep and the mucus reeks
And she hasn't washed-up for weeks
Haven't touched her in ages, but it might be contageous
She lies around rotting, when she should be out
shopping
She lies there pining, when my shirt needs ironing
I'd rather catch sardines than ringworm and gangrene
She never answers, I think she's got cancer
She festers there with her ginger hair
You know that means she smells of baked beans
She's angling for an easy life, I'm angling for a ten
pound pike
(I'd rather have kippers than what's in her knickers)
We've not shared a bed since we've been wed
But I'm not a nonce or a faggot
It wasn't her looks that got me hooked,

Top Macc Lads, Apprentice Dentist

Working at the dentist, community service,
Trying to fix the lighting and undercoat the door.
She ran down the road, her teeshirt was bouncing,
Looked like two rabbits fighting, she never wore
support.
Said she had a toothache, had to see a dentist,
'Go and take your clothes off, now then, open wide.
Looks like you need a filling, I'll have to do some
drilling,'
She wasn't very willing, she wouldn't part her thighs.
Her orifice stank of fish, I bent to kiss her clitoris,
it smelled of piss,
Around her lips, were scabby bits, she had nice tits,
I'll get her pissed she won't resist.
Had to get her paralytic, got out the antiseptic, and
the anaesthetic,
And held it on her nose.
Had to get inside her, 'I think its an incisor,'
dribbling saliva,
I gave her a dose.
'Your gum's got an infection, you'll need a quick
injection...
I'll use my large erection.'
She gobbled down my beef.
The nosh was eighteen carat, I pushed against her
palate,
She sucked my mutton mallet, got pearl drops on her
teeth,
'I'm sorry miss, but here's the twist, I'm here to help
put up some shelves.
I'm no dentist.
But go next door, second floor,
Its the sperm bank, they'll pay a grand for what's in

Top Macc Lads, God's Gift To Women

I got a buer that works in Dillons in the back of me
Vauxhall Viva,
She had massive melons and I wanted bang her beaver,
She had real bad breath and a touch of the pox,
But I ripped off her bags and her sweaty socks,
And I Rattled my 'tatoes against her dirt box.
Spread your legs and get your knickers down.
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm God's gift to women in this fuckin' town,
So spread your legs and get your knickers down.
She said I was good looking
And I looked a bit like George Michael,
But she didn't want a fuckin' she were on her menstrual
cycle,
So I gives her a lift down to Sandbats.
She after some grub, she were on the cadge,
So I got some meat and stuffed it up her vag.
Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm God's gift to women in this fuckin' town,
So spread your legs and get your knickers down.
It were a messy job, but I kept my shirt on.
A penny round collar that I got from Burton's,
And I got a good taste of her Bird's Eye big
curtains....
Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm God's gift to women in this fuckin' town,
So spread your legs and get your knickers down.

Top Macc Lads, Get Weavin'

Get weavin'.
Well the fair comes down just once every year,
The Macc Lads go there when they've supped their beer,
So get weavin',
With the Brut 33,
And forget your tea,
We're going down town to get some chips and pies,
And I'll bet you ten pints I'll get you whipped tonight,
I'll bet you ten pints I'll get you whipped tonight.
There's crack over there, sittin' on benches,
Two of them are dead fit,
And one of them's got dentures.
Get weavin', the blond one's mine,
Get weavin', it's nearly closing time.
Hey up my love, are you comin' for a ride,
We're all going to the fair tonight,
We're all going to the fair tonight.
I said, Het up my love,
I've got a suggestion,
Hey up my love, will you feel my errection,
Hey up my love do you want a meat injection?
Your eyes are beautiful brown,
How's about buying a round?
Stez is in the subway beating up a queer,
So don't mess with Macc Lads and don't spill their beer...
Get weavin', in Macclesfield,
Get weavin', and get your knackers feeled.
Kiss your crack but miss her lips,
She's got a scabby face and she smells of chips,
She's got a scabby face and she smells of chips.
I said, hey up my love, I've got a suggestion,
Hey up my love, will you feel my errection,
Hey up my love, do you want a meat injection?
Your eyes are beautiful brown,
How about buying a round?
Hey up my love, hey up my loive, hey up my love,
How about buying a round?

Top Macc Lads, Germans

Sitting on the bog in foreign parts, looking round for
anything to wipe my arse,
There's a second hand curry splattered round the rim,
And red and black scrapings from an Arab's foreskin
You can't drink the water, you've got to boil it
All the women smell of Egyptian toilets
There's a shitty clogged-up copper pipe sticking out of
the bowl
Hosepipes, flies, foreign smells, no fucking toilet
roll.
It was a cheap package holiday with a guarantee-
You'll pass nothing solid 'til you're back in
Macclesfield
They warned me not to eat the food, and everything's in
litres
But they didn't say a word about a million sausage
eaters.
Squareheads in the pubs, Jerries on the streets,
Krauts in the bars, Erics on the beach
Got to do something fast to clear away this shit,
I'll have to wipe my bottom on a passing Fritz.
Oi! Adolf! Shut your fucking trap
Take your Merc and piss off back with your holiday
schnapps (snaps)
Oi! Adolf! Stop pushing in the queue,
Try pushing into Poland and we'll beat you black and
blue
I'm an Englishman abroad and my ringpiece is a mess
My foot's wedged against the door to keep out the S.S.
This foreign khasi stinks of daygo turds that missed
the bowl
There's Huns outside, slapping thighs and wearing
lederhosen.
I hope these German bastards have the runs as bad as
I'll fight them on the beaches to defend my lavatory
I'm shouting: 'Fuck off, Herman, who won the fucking
war?'
The fuckers pushed their gaspipes under my bog door.
Oi! Adolf! Nineteen sixty six!
I provide the gas in here, fuck off back to Auschwitz
Oi! Adolf! Fuck off back to Belsen
I'm not a yid, I'm on the bog, annex something else,
son.
Oi! Adolf! You talking to me?
How come all you krauts can speak German fluently?
Oi! Adolf! Nineteen forty five!

Top Macc Lads, Geordie Girl

He squidges in the van,
All twenty four stones,
He gets three kebabs and he eats them on his own,
Quick trouser cough Nevis touches cloth,
Fuck fuck hide behind a truck, all the windows are steaming up.
Gas gas quick lads,
The air in here is turning brown,
Gas gas quick lads,
Get the fucking windows down,
Gas gas quick lads,
Nevis has gone and done a troof,
Gas gas quick lads,
I think the big fat twat has fallen through.
Ben Nevis filled the van with odour of turd,
Would have hung for less gas at Nurenburg,
Four chicken curries, eight tandories,
Boiled eggs, three kebabs fuck sake let him take command.
Gas gas quick lads,
Everyone's choked to death,
Gas gas quick lads,
Has us out with botty breath,
Gas gas quick lads,
Dig a trench, avoid the stench,
Gas gas quick lads,
Nevis is filthy, fat and flatulent.
Yooooo.
At a transport cafe he gets baked beans,
Wretched rasp blows a hole in his jeans,
Everybody choking, nobody smoking,
Looks round, blames the dog,
Covered in a smelly fog.
Gas gas quick lads,
What the fuck has he been eating,
Gas gas quick lads,
He must have had some rotton meat in,
Gas gas quick lads,
I've got tears in me eyes,
Gas gas quick lads,
I think a rat crawled up his arse hole,
I think a rat crawled up his arse hole,

Top Macc Lads, Frogbashing

I know they eat snails, but they sell cheap ale, I drove
on the ferry:
'Bonjour, froggies!'
Garlic stench from the filthy French, I've come all this
way and
They don't sell Boddies
If you take a look in the history book, its Waterloo and
chateau smashing,
Every chance, we used to nip to France, grab a club and
go frogbashing.
Hairy arms and hairy legs, forget the rape, we'll just go
looting,
Back to Dover in the old Landrover, ten frogs in the
back,
It was a good day's shooting.
The dirty gets eat invertibrates, burn our sheep, they
need a good thrashing,
You see, the fact is, we're out of practise, its been too
long since we went frogbashing.
The tarts over there, they're covered in hair, its hard
to know just where the gash is,
All French lasses have got moustaches and serve your beer

Top Macc Lads, Fluffy Pup

Well, I spent last night trying to chuck me bird,
She were clinging to me leg like an old sick turd,
I said your tits are too small and your legs are too short,
I want a fit bird from the Sunday Sport,
I can't hear me records when you sit on me face,
And then she mouths off in front of me mates,
But you told me that you loved me,
I never fucking did,
You used fer bring me flowers,
I said shut your fucking grid,
You acted dead sweet and you called me fluffy pup,
You can cook you can fuck you can do the washing up,
Now I've had enough, come on fuck off,
Get stuffed.
Well I took her one side, and we started chatting,
I said tell the lads that and I'll kick your twat in,
Now piss ofback your mother's 'cos I've had enough,
Say another word, get a boot up chuff,
You're spotty and your ugly and you smaell like Billingsgate,
And then she mouths off in front of me mates...
But you told me that you loved me,
I never fucking did,
You used fer bring me flowers,
I said shut your fucking grid,
You acted dead sweet and you called me fluffy pup,
You can cook you can fuck you can do the washing up,
Now I've had enough, come on fuck off,
Get stuffed.
Well, I stormed off 'cos I were going crazy,
When I got to the chippy I had one foot in the gravy,
She got a seven foot dad,
Well just about,
And he was going to rip me liver out,
I said here you are grandad, your turn to hold her,
There's half a pint of gravy and a chip on me shoulder...
But you told me that you loved me,
I never fucking did,
You used fer bring me flowers,
Shut your fucking grid,
You acted dead sweet and you called me fluffy pup,
You can cook you can fuck you can do the washing up,
Now I've had enough, come on fuck off,
Get stuffed.
I said you can cook you can fuck you can do the washing up,
Now I've had enough, come on fuck off,

Top Macc Lads, Fellatio Nell Son

Let me tell you about the worst blow job I ever had,
(It was alright, actually, it wasn't that bad)
If you just want the smeg licking off your bell end
There's a tart in Lancashire I'll recommend
She'll do it in the pub, you don't have to go to bed
She'll even put a beer towel on top of her head
And get a round in if you keep her well fed
Fellatio Nell, son, you won't like the smell, son
Gangrene and death come across in her breath, Fellatio
Nell, son.
I was watching the final on the TV, when the smell of a
urinal wafted over to me
I thought of open sewers and unflushed bogs,
But the smell of manure was coming out of her gob
No body's snogged her since '71
Coz her gob's always full of somebody's come
And there's seven types of dick cheese under her tongue
Fellatio Nell, son, you won't like the smell, son
She'll gobble up your scrote and fit it down her
throat, Fellatio Nell, son.
Running sores round her cakehole, but I took the chance
You can't see her face when its in your underpants
She's swallowed more foreskins than a Yid doctor's
bucket
She sees a bulging crotch, she just has to suck it
Fellatio Nell, son. You won't like the smell, son
She can suck your bollock through the hole in your
cock, Fellatio Nell, son.
----- {LP Version- (ƒ B G#m A E F#m)- additional
lyrics}-----
She can drool on your tool faster than blinking
She won't even mind if you carry on drinking
She'll even put a beer towel on top of her head
And get a round in if you keep her well fed
Nobody's snogged her since '72, her gob's always full
of somebody's tool
Fuck off down the chemists get some listerine
Your breath smells like the creature from the black
latrine
She'll clean out your Jap's eye with the tip of her
tongue
Eat the worms round your warhead if you're very well
hung

Top Macc Lads, Feed Your Face

Eating my dinner, watching Live Aid: 'Sit up straight,
you scruffy nigger.'
'Pass the Black Magic, coffee cream, love?'
'No thanks, dear, I'm trying to watch my figure.'
Feeling peckish, so I went down the chippy, bought some
pies and pasties
Didn't give any to the starving niggers, so I'm a fucking
nazi.
Feed your face, don't give them a second thought.
These foreigners need sorting out, they've always got
droughts or flooding
We'd make a killing if we opened a chippy, sell loads of
chips and gravy
And black puddings.
I'm a big fat fucker, heavyweight, I can't help it, I
like me bitter,
But the blacks and paks have got much fewer since the
Chinks found out that
They taste like banana fritters

Top Macc Lads, Father's Day

The wardrobe won't close to, its full of paternity suits,
Eight kids to a room, some more have gone to school
He's running out of names, the wife's pregnant again
They've tried diaphragms, the snip, and johnny bags
They even use spermicide, the wife's been sterilised
But those sperms of his just won't lay down and die
He's got children by the score, from Kidsgrove to
Mablethorpe
Morecombe to Maidenhead, his fertile seed is spread
From here to Ilfracombe he'll fertilise your womb
He'll sweat on you, coz he's got pregnant pores.
Even when he has a wank, he never ever fires a blank,
The most fertile man this side of Wythenshawe
The rising population's due to one man's copulations,
When he fornicates, or when he masturbates,
Each ejaculation tends to stop a menstruation.
Straight away, there's a pregnant pause.
Another one on the way, more cards on Father's Day
The most fertile man this side of Wythenshawe
He was telling the midwife that he'd been castrated twice
But snips and IUDs can't control his rampant seed
She liked a boy with spunk, took him home and got him
drunk
She held his hand, now she's got pregnant paws.
Now at least they'll both be happy,
Down Mothercare buying nappies

Top Macc Lads, Al O'peesha

He works in a bank from nine to five,
Then he goes for a wank and a sneaky hand jive,
He's bald as a coot, coz he plays pink flute, he's a
slap-head and a baldy,
He's right down to the wood,
He won't get herpes (hairpiece) he can't pull fluff,
We call him fairy, rear admiral, poof.
He drinks Dubonnet, he don't understand,
He's happily married to his left and right hands
Al O'Peesha, I think that Duncan Goodhew wants to meet
you.
He's the one with the shiny pate, flogs his bishop, never
ever copulates,
His hair falls out when he masturbates, Duncan Goodhew's
a very good mate.
He was thinner than Yul Brynner, smoother than Kojack,
But he supped some Boddies (somebody's) bitter, and his
thatch grew back,
Now there's fanny all around him, he's always pulling
crack,
But he used to be a ginger and the new bit's grown back

Top Macc Lads, Failure With Girls

I've got an ugly face,
With spots all over the place,
I haven't got any mates,
And me clothes have gone out of date.
I go to the pub on me own,
And I drink me orange alone,
I sit and stare at the crack,
But they just turn their backs.
I want to chat them up,
But I stare at me feet,
And then I go home and I beat me meat.
I'm dead shy about the size of me dick,
And chips and gravy make me sick.
I'm a failure with girls,
I don't know why,
He's a failure with girls,
He don't know why.
I'm a failure with girls,
They're so unkind,
He's a failure with girls,
They're so unkind.
I'm a failure with girls,
They make me cry,
He's a failure with girls,
They make him cry.
Only wish I could say that I don't mind.
A Macc Lad of me took note,
And he poured a pint of bitter down me throat,
It were the first pint I ever had,
And I changed to a real Macc Lad.
Me clothes started looking real flash,
I got a tattoo and a moustache,
And me car got a go-faster stripe,
And now I pull crack every night.
And I'm not weak anymore,
'Cos me dick measures three foot four,
So don't you call me wimp,
'Cos it's three foot four even when it's limp.
I'm dead macho with girls,
I never fail,
He's dead macho with girls,
He nevers fails.
I'm dead macho with girls
'Cos I sup ale,
He's dead macho with girls
'Cos he sups ale.
I'm dead macho with girls
Thanks to Willies,
He's dead macho with girls
Thanks to Willies.

Top Macc Lads, England's glory

Shut up and listen, I'm going to tell thee a story
About my trip down South with my box of England's Glory
I took some numbies and a Bodkan, to make me feel at home
I'm going down to London to dig up paving stones
Got to London, half past six, I wished I'd never come,
There's poofs down there drinking halves of lager
Without notes from their mums
No gravy at the chippy, and what's a saveloy?
Every pub was full of foreigners and bottom boys.
If I live to be forty, I'll never understand
Why they're open til eleven down there
To serve beer that's second hand
Dialing 0625 on the telephone, I said:
'Pull us a pint of bitter, Ray, tonight I'm coming home.'
We are all just simple lads, never asked for much,
Just twenty pints of a Friday night and a wife at home to

Top Macc Lads, Eh Up! ... Let's Sup

Piling in the back seat, party on in Duke Street,
Carry on, and turn right, we're all tanked up.
Knocking on the door, like,
Didn't have an invite,
His face didn't look right
So we beat him up.
Eh Up! Let's sup! Where's the fucking ale, lads?
Sirens go, Plod pulls up, Stez is in the garden puking
By god, you should have seen us
Fifty pints between us,
Beater had a flabby penis

Top Macc Lads, Doctor Doctor

I've screwed alot of boilers, I've prodded loads of
tarts,
Stabbed some open wounds and I've split them all in
half
Knobbed a lot of women, I've stuffed a load of birds
Shagged a lot of dogs and I've pulled a load of skirt
And there's been a load of whores when I've used a bit
of force,
But they all received the benefit of sexual intercourse
When they make a lot of fuss, it makes me feel sick,
They want a soaking gusset and a more than ample dick
Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a
day,
I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank,
There's something up with my dick -
It hurts when I wank.
I've slammed a lot of crumpet, but its doing them some
good,
If they don't like it, they can lump it, they've all
been ugly tugs.
One bitch, she had a flat head, put up quite a fight,
But I found a gob to place my knob,
And a place to put my pint.
I always end up shagging a really smelly bag and
getting down to business
When I just don't want to shag,
Sometimes I have to do it, lie back and think of Macc,
I'm using all this drinking time to service ugly crack.
Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a
day,
I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank,
There's something up with my dick -

Top Macc Lads, Do You Love Me

Close your legs love, your meat smells.
But it keeps the flies off me chips.
I took the crack to the flicks just the other night,
We were groating on the barrow, everything were
alright,
Then the smell like a dog took me mind from sex,
I said "Close your legs!"
She whispered softly in my ear,
But all I want to do is go and drink some beer,
Then she did something I didn't understand,
She didn't want a fill, she tried to hold me hand.
"Do you love me?"
"I fuck you don't I?"
"Do you love me?"
"I fuck you don't I?"
"Do you you love me?"
"Oh, why? Give over."
I were right confused over what she said,
So I supped ten pints down t'old Bear's Head
And just as I was getting a taste for it,
Some crack walked in and it was fuckin' fit.
So I shouted "hey up, love"
Turned on the charm,
Showed her me belly and tattoos on me arm,
I said "don't go to Limmogy's, have chips instead"
Two weeks later this is what she said.
"Do you love me?"
"Do you love me?"
"Do you love me?"
"Do you love me?"
"Do you love me?"
Oh why? Give over...
"Do you, do you, do you, do you love me?"
"Do you, do you, do you, do you love me?"
"Do you, do you, do you, do you love me?"
"Do you, do you, do you, do you love me?"
"Do you love me?"
"I fuck you don't I?"
"Do you love me?"
"I fuck you don't I?"
"Do you love me?"
Oh why? Give over...
"Do you love me?"
"I fuck you don't I?"
"Do you love me?"
"I fuck you don't I?"
"Do you love me?"

Top Macc Lads, Dirty Glass

The wife's packed up, she's moving out tonight
Gone off with an Arab, I think he's Shi-ite
She left at eight o'clock, with the furniture and the
dog,
And I'll miss him.
Fuck! Cunt! Wank! Shit! Mine's a pint of bitter
Fuck! Cunt! Wank! Shit! Mine's a pint of Bass
Fuck! Cunt! Wank! Shit! Mine's a pint of Guinness
And another pint of Guinness if its in a dirty glass
No guitar no car and the dog's gone missing, I haven't
got a pot to piss in
No bog no bed no bread no bin, she took every fucking
thing
No kettle no cooker no coffee no cups, all I need's a
handy pub
No tapes no telly no towels no tears. Five past eight I'm
on the beer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
After a week, the wife's out on the street,
With her suitcases her bed and three piece suite
The dog came running home, the wife's all on her own,

Top Macc Lads, Desperate Dan

The big fat chud wobbled home one night, singing:
'Woah, Maccy Maccy'
After twenty eight pints.
Had a bit of trouble getting the key in the door,
His belly dragged him downwards and his face hit the
floor.
Spilt curry down his shirt, soaked through to the vest,
Pisses in his jeans as he tries to undress,
Trousers round his ankles, he bangs into the door,
Decides to have a piss in the cutlery drawer
Then he starts to vomit on the telly by the wall,
She must have been to Comet,
Coz that cunt wasn't there before.
He pukes and he pukes, but there's no stopping,
New picture on the stairs, the old bag's been shopping.
He spews and he spews then its time to relax,
He props himself up on the edge of the bath.
One last puke strains his whole body,
Out of his arse plops a vindaloo jobby.
Bile out the front end, bum-sick out the back,
Vomit in the toilet, diarrhoea all over the bath.
Then his buttock hits the hot tap and his chubby legs
collapse,
His jeans are round his ankles,
The big fat bastard falls backwards into the bath
His arms and legs are waving, they're flapping like
fuck,
But the shit's sealed him in, and the fat cunt's stuck.
He flounders in the tub, but he's a perfect fit,
Turds down his back, his front's borted in sick.
He grabs at the taps to pull himself clear,
But he hasn't got a clue about the trouble at the rear,
He crawls into bed, covered in shite,
And tries to cuddle up to his extremely fat and ugly
wife.
She hits him with a small brush
He's landed on the floor, she says:

Top Macc Lads, Dead Cat

A ya ya ya ya ya yaaar...
No petrol in the van,
Knee deep in empty cans,
We've lost the map, the tyre's flat, the bloody kid's been banned,
We stopped off for some grease, Nevis is obese,
We left him standing empty handed,
Ten miles outside Leeds.
Oh no...
Just find us a pub where the ale and tarts are free,
Lock that fucking door,
We'll drink beer to eternity.
Someone farted in the back,
Fast Fret found a cat,
It was in the road, all stiff and cold and squashed and thin and flat,
He wants to bring it back in a Tesco bag,
It's got one eye, it's full of flies,
He's got to have something to shag,
For fuck's sake...
Just find us a pub where the ale and tarts are free,
Lock that fucking door,
We'll drink beer to eternity.

Top Macc Lads, Dan's Underpant

We all went down New Delih,
We had too much curry and aching bellies.
Peter got gut rot and puked on the floor,
Stez Styx banging on shithouse door.
I says, come on lads and finish your Bombay duck,
We're going to find some girls who'll give us a decent Alkaselzer.
Now Dan said he knew of this party, so we drove over there,
Belching and farting.
Stez nicked some cans of beer,
And Dan shat himself, he had diarheoa.
He said "Oh lads, it's no fun to dance."
And he goes upstairs to change his underpants.
Now he opens the window, wipes his ass,
And throws the offending bags on the grass.
He shouts "everybody come and look at this,
They're streaked with shit and they're stained with piss,
But don't look at me, they're not fucking mine."

Top Macc Lads, Dan's Round Us 'andbag

We had a foreign holiday in Tiermarbelly,
We're gonna get laid by some greasy fellas,
We want some lump that's gonna fer plate us,
And we're gettin' under some Itallian waiters,
Dragged this Dago back fer hotel,
He's got a fit body but he doesn't half stink,
Kicking and squealing but I looked round,
I said come on slick, get a hard on now.
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Now.
Me boyfriend's a twat,
He's getting on me tits,
An' he hasn't shagged us for a week 'cos he's always too pissed,
And he won't know what the fuck to do,
When he sees me "I love Hosay" tattoo,
He can do as he pleases but he's getting me diseases,
And I watched me knicker line and he called me a slag.
He's getting no Newquay when I get back,
'Cos he's on the couch and I'm on the rag.
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Now.
Julie, are you comin' to the bogs?
THen one fit bar chap might give us a snog,
But I can tell by bulging trousers,
That the only girls he likes are not like me.
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Dance dance, round your handbags,
Now.

Top Macc Lads, Dan's Big Log

He went for a meal with the posh in-laws, to ask for
their daughter's hand (again).
Tea on the patio, croquet on the lawn, but Dan's rectal
passage starts to strain (again).
He sits down to eat, clenching his cheeks, he wonders
which knife and fork to use.
Then its: 'Excuse me, please' as he leaves his seat,
And he pegs it up the stairs to find the loo.
He parks his breakfast, fills the bowl, uses up half a
toilet roll.
He flushed and he flushed, but it wouldn't go,
It must have weighed over half a stone.
He flushed and he flushed but it wouldn't shift,
He couldn't leave it lying in the bog.
So he rolled up his sleeves, picks up the shit,
He thinks he can disguise it as a log.
He opens the window, takes his aim,
And chucks it in the bushes over there.
He hopes somebody else will get the blame,
He goes back down to finish his hor d'oeuvres.
He wanders in, begging their pardon, (remembering to
fasten up his bags).
But everybody's staring out at the garden

Top Macc Lads, (don't Fear The) Sweeper

Pissing down with rain on a Tuesday night,
I stood and watched my team play like a bag of shite
The goaly is a twit, the stiker is a twat,
The referee's a git and he's blinder than a bat
So what!? You scored? Well shut your fucking gobs!
You might have won, but we've got bigger knobs
Piss your pants! That deserves a booking!
Shit your bags! He played the bastard ball!
Fucking hell! These pies need cooking!
Coffee's shit and the bovril's cold
Get stuck in! You're playing like a weed!
We're free to be concentrating on the league
He's booked! Thank fuck! Let's bring on the sub,
He's got five minutes, then I'm going down the pub
Up your arse! A mile outside the box!
You might have won, but we've got bigger cocks!
Piss your pants! That's a bastard corner!
Chuck this pasty at the referee
Fuck off home it was a crap performance
And we should have had a penalty

Top Macc Lads, Chester Zoo

The van is full of blubber, the Beater's got his
rubbers,
Barrel shows his arse out the back,
Nevis eats a burger, K2's farts ar murder, Tankie ate
McCavity's cat.*
Everybody's drinking, Stez's pits are stinking,
Knobby's made a mess on Fiesta,
Al O'Peesha's throwing crap out, Muttley's got the map
out,
Stop the van! Shout: 'Oi! You git! Which way is it to
Chester?'
All the lads are piling in the van, Muttley's visiting
his family,
We took the crew, and a can or two
We're all fucking off to the zoo.
Gorilla chats to Tankie, polar bears are wanking, Hyena
sucking its dick,
'That's pretty cool that, wish I could do that,'
'Chuck him a fag, and ask him nice, he might let you
have a quick lick.'
Coypu copulating, monkey masturbating, orang utan
picking its arse,
Rhinocerous is pissing, hippopotomus shitting,
Uncle Knobby's at the penguin cage waggling his dick
through the bars.
All the lads are piling in the van, Muttley's visiting
his family,
We took the crew, and a can or two

Top Macc Lads, Charlotte

I walked into the Nag's Head for to sustinate me belly,
There was a fit crack in the corner but I knew her cunt was smelly,
She smelt of rotting fish heads and old and crispy sick,
Said her name was Charlotte and she wanted suck me dick.
Oh, I thought now lad, times are hard, and it's nearly closing time,
I'll put a bag on her head, and a peg on me nose,
And I'll grummage through the slime...
Charlotte is the biggest slag in Macc,
She'll do anything to get you in the sack,
With her legs spread wide she opens up her crack,
Spends her life just lying on her back.
Well, we walked along, up Buxton Road,
And strolled along the cut,
She said "give us an inch and I'll take you a yard."
So I slammed her half a foot.
Got me hand up her skirt 'cos I'm a Macc Lad,
And I knew just what to do,
I got me hand inside, and me arm inside,
I lost it right up to me tattoo.
Oh, Charlotte is the biggest slag in Macc,
She'll do anything to get you in the sack,
Coffee, sex and johnny bags come free,
So crabs and herpes and VD.
Oh Charlotte.....
And we ended up at her place,
And I waded through the johnnies,
She put another notch in her bedstead, while I watched "The Two Ronnies".
Charlotte is the biggest slag in Macc,
She lies in wait and then she springs her trap,
She's always got to take the upper hand,
And you are what you drink, and I'm a bitter man.

Top Macc Lads, Buenos Aries

Get at 'em.
There was a load bloody faries,
In Buenos bloody Aries,
With greasy hair and sweaty bums,
They'd never heard of Bonningtons,
It were a different culture and a different race,
No chippies in bloody place.
You can keep that poof Fartiles,
'Cos we're going to have your Malvines.
Hey up, hey up, hey up, hey up.
Well, they got us back son, without a doubt,
Time to sort them bastards out,
Costa Mendes lives in fear
Of real men who can hold their beer.
Sing hey hey hey the lads are on their way,
With their bayonets and their tommy guns
And their bellies full of Bonningtons.
Hey up, hey up, hey up, hey up. Whoo!
Get in there my son, let's set up a couple of pubs.
Let the bitter flow, nuke 'em till they glow...
Hey up, hey up, hey up, hey up.
Fray Bentos and cheap red wine is all they eat in the Argentine,
But after a scrap with the English Navy,
They'll ask for the recipe for chips and gravy.
Sing hey, hey, hey, the lads are on their way,
With their bayonets and their tommy guns,
And their bellies full of Bonningtons.

Top Macc Lads, Brevil Brevil

I've had my tea but I've not had my fill,
I want a burger and another mixed grill,
I want pies, and pasties and cheese,
Black puddings covered in grease,
A scabby horse and a gingerbread man,
A dead cat and strawberry flan,
I like McDonalds and I love Pizza Land,
Double tuna, and mushrooms and ham,
I go home and my moneys all gone,
I plug it in and I switch it on.
Brevil brevil, and a big chicken breast,
Brevil brevil, and mustard and cress,
Brevil brevil, will you fill my hole?
With hot dogs and sausage rolls.
I've had my tea but I've not had my fill,
I want a burger and another mixed grill,
I want pies, and pasties and cheese,
Black puddings covered in grease,
A scabby horse and a gingerbread man,
A dead cat and strawberry flan,
I like McDonalds and I love Pizza Land,
Double tuna, and mushrooms and ham,
I go home and my moneys all gone,
I plug it in and I switch it on.
Brevil brevil, and a big chicken breast,
Brevil brevil, and mustard and cress,
Brevil brevil, will you fill my hole?

Top Macc Lads, Boddies

Well you ain't been goin' down the pub,
You ain't been playing darts,
You ain't been doin' what you should,
You've been hangin' out with yer tart.
You've got fer get some Boddies down thee,
You know where it's at,
You've got to get some ale inside thee,
'Cos you're a fuckin' twat.
The Bear's Head's not the same without you,
You've stopped buying flares,
Seen you drinkin' halves of larger,
You've even been washing your hair.
You've got fer get some Boddies down yer,
We've had quite enough,
You've got fer get some ale inside thee,
'Cos you're a fuckin' puff.
You've got fer get some Boddies down thee,
You've been where you shouldn't,
You've get fer get some ale inside thee,

Top Macc Lads, Alcohol

Give us two pints in dirty glasses, (give us some
change for the fag machine)
Get a move on and shift your asses, (get us all served
or you lose your spleen)
Hurry up, twat, and pull us beers, (get us a drink
'fore we dehydrate)
Look, you blind bastard, we're over here, (think she's
fucked off to masturbate)
Give me alcohol, Give me alcohol,
Don't want a pie or a cornish pasty,
Give us a pint or I'll turn nasty,
Give me alcohol
Pull us a pint, love its gone 10-30, (give us a drink
'fore we die of thirst)
Tart in leather looks dead dirty, (cunt off, bastard, I
was first)
Been queuing up since half past seven, (we was underage
when we come in here)
Get tapped up with bird in leather? (She fucked me off,
so she must be queer)
Just want a bitter down me neck, serve us next, or I'll
get vexed,
Give me alcohol
Don't give a turd, just give us a bevvy, (Boddies run
out and the Marston's off)
Don't want a cocktail with a cherry, (give us the slops
from the bitter trough)
We want fags by the packet, ale by the flaggon,
We're going to go home to do some shagging,

Top Macc Lads, Bloik!

Yaaaaaaaaaw!
Dick Head was a pratt, he drove a Skoda with extra lamps on,
Always dickin' prattin',
Looked like a reuseable tampon.
Tried to chat the birds up,
He'd always end up bleedin',
It's tough when you come from Bollington,
It's all the interbreeding.
Sunglasses in the evening,
Umbrellas in his bitter.
"Excuse me Mrs. Woman, do you take it up the shitter?"
Guess what in the pint pot?
Size ten in the dick,
It's best to take those glasses off when your chatting up Stez Styx.
Do you fancy going out on a bastard,
An' buying us a couple of beers?
She said, "I'd rather sit on me finger,
Or go and have a cervical smear."
Bloik.
So Dick Head went to Soho,
And he paid for a 69,
"Gissus the beads up front love,
You'd better not waste me time."
The whore had had beans for dinner,
She farted up his nose,
He said, "I'm not payin' knacker's head for sixty-nine of those!"
Do you fancy going out on a bastard,
Do you want another packet of crisps?
Or what about a bag of pork scatchings?
Do you mind if I just weigh up your tits...
Whheey!
Heavy Metal.
Do you fancy going out on a bastard,
An' buying us a couple of beers?
She said, "I'd rather sit on me finger,
Or go and have a cervical smear."

Top Macc Lads, Blackpool

One day after closing I was lying on me nest,
When Stez shouts "get yer bags on, come on outside."
So I grabbed me stripy tank-top, I 'ad beer stains on me vest,
An' I said "best get some cans in, it's a long ride."
Well, we drove along the M6, chuckin' cans at other folk,
An' stopped at all the services that took us.
Picked up some fit hitch-hikers,
An' we told 'em filthy jokes,
An' piled them in the back seet fer to fuck us.
We're going down Blackpool, alright,
We're going down Blackpool, fer a pint,
We're going down Blackpool, alight,
To see the lights...
Mutley's in the drivin' seat,
Stez Styx is in the front,
An' we're going down to Blackpool,
To up some fuckin' cunt.
An' Peter's in the back seat,
An' his crack is goin' "gerrit"
He's got his finger up her like a ferret.
Now ten miles outside Blackpool and we had some real bad luck,
Mutley shouts "O fuck, we've got a flat."
And now Peter chucked the jack at some cunt ten mile down the road,
So we made him go an' get the fucker back.
The twat.
We're going down Blackpool, alright,
We're going down Blackpool for a fight,
We're going down Blackpool, alright
To see the lights...

Top Macc Lads, Bitter Fit Crack

Walked in the Bear's at a quarter to eight,
Dumped the bint in the corner, let it talk to its mates
Got myself a pint and a packet of tabs
Time to get pissed and have a laugh with the lads
I'm trying to pull crack when the bint wanders up
'Give over woman, I'm trying to sup!'
She's cramping my style, I decide to warn her:
'Fuck off slag, get back in your corner.'
Bitter, fit crack down the old Bear's Head,
The wife's shit in bed, I want another one instead
She wants me to fuck her and she spreads like butter
Bit of fit crack down the old Bear's Head
I'm chatting up this bird, and I'm telling her jokes
I look at the bint, and she's talking to a bloke!
He was a poof, drinking lager and lime, I shout:
'Knob off, fuckstain, this one's mine!'
Bitter, fit crack down the old Bear's Head,
The wife's shit in bed, I want another one instead
She wants me to fuck her and she spreads like butter
Got to find another hole to dip my bread,

Top Macc Lads, Ben Nevis

Top Macc Lads, Beer & Sex & Chips 'n' Gravy

Cleaned my teeth, put on my best clobber,
Tonight's the night I'm going to knob her
Vauxhall Viva's covered in rust,
But you can't shag a bird on a 29 bus
Beer and sex and chips and gravy, its all a Macc Lad
wants
Beer and sex and chips and gravy, and a tasty bit of
clump
Get up off the floor, finish your chips, we're going to
sup some more
Pulled the bird down the Fox & Grapes
Game of darts and a lot of beer
'Can you hold your liquor (licker) love?'
'Yes I can, always by the ears.'
Treat your women like toilets
They're happy when you're abusing them
But toilets don't follow you round when you've finished

Top Macc Lads, Barrel's Round

Charlie's chatting up a barmaid, Beater's puking in the
street,
Charlie couldn't pull a muscle, and she gave me crabs the
other week
Get the ale in, swill it down, have a drink in every pub
in town
Flash the ash, Lockstock's crash
Half past ten -its Barrel's Round
Beer, beer, we want more beer, all the lads are cheering:
'Get the fucking beer in.'
You've got veins in your bodies
We've got Boddies in our veins
We'll outdrink anybody

Top Macc Lads, Baggy Anne

Back in the mists of time, when fags cost 1/-9d
When everything was black and white,
And pavements stank of white dogshite,
A woman lived down Letsby Avenue
You couldn’t grow up without her having you
She’d turn a boy into a man,
And her name was Baggy Anne......
Baggy Anne, anybody can shag Baggy Anne,
Slime on her tits and maggots in her knickers
Baggy Anne
Down the British Flag, looking for a shag,
They were all on the rag, so I thought I'd take the bag,
Baggy Anne
Lying on the floor, covered in sores,
Worms inside, but I thought I'd take a ride on

Top Macc Lads, Animal Testing

I was busy groping on my floor, some git comes knocking
on my door,
There's a pack of bastards queuing up outside.
No, I don't think that God's amazing. No, I don't want
no double glazing,
I'm just trying to get between this woman's thighs.
'Do you want some life assurance?' 'Do you want some
car insurance?'
Fuck off, twat, I'm trying to have a poke.
'God's sent me on this mission' 'Sign the animal
cruelty petition,'
I think beagles should be forced to smoke.
I believe in animal testing, (yip!) that's a dog,
I don't want cladding or insulation in me fucking loft
Don't want to help the poor at Christmas, I'm too busy
in this bird's knickers.
I got my airgun out for the Hari Krishnas.
Some old biddy's saving dogs, so I pushed a flame
thrower through the letter box,
Fuck off granny, or you'll get what the mormons got. I
fried that bastard to a cinder,
Poured piss on the vicar out of the bedroom window,
The Animal Rights got their leaflets up their arse.
I believe in animal testing (meeow!) that's a cat,
I don't want to buy any carpet cleaner, yes, I know the
dog's just shat,
I'm quite happy with these stains, I wired the doorbell
to the mains,
Now Macc's got no MP, isn't that a shame?
Got back to sorting this girl out, 'What was it you
came round about?'
She's collecting for the church's gerbil fund.
Now that seems like a worthy cause, so she got down on
all fours.
'I'd like to make a contribution to your cunt.'
I believe in animal testing (ooh!) that's a bird,
If the panda's dying out, I couldn't give a turd,
Don't want to know about politics, I'd rather scrape
the cheddar off my dick,

Top Macc Lads, Alton Towers

Fucking right.
Bank holiday Monday,
By Sunday I was....
So let's fuck off to Alton Towers.
One or two, quite a few in the queue for the bumper cars.
Fit crack on the lake but her mate's got a flabby arse.
So let's hit the bars....
Where's the fucking pub?
Where's the fucking ale?
We don't want to queue for the mono-fucking rail.
Where's the fucking crack?
There's middle aged mums with big fabby bums.
Black hole queue's past the entrance gate now,
Well, I've been with Sweatty Betty and it's not worth the wait.
I wouldn't stand in a queue for all the tea in China,
I'd rather pump the S up me deck top's vagina,
Sarah the dog.
Where's the fucking pub?
Where's the fucking ale?
We don't want to queue for the mono-fucking rail.
Where's the fucking crack?
There's middle aged mums with big fabby bums.
Fuck cunt wank shit.
Where's the fucking pub?
Where's the fucking ale?
We don't want to queue for the mono-fucking rail.

Top Macc Lads, All Day Drinkin'

Staggered in MacDonalds on a Friday afternoon,
All the pubs were shut,
There were knob all else fer do.
I said, "Gissus a Big Mac now you spotty little twat."
He said, "Have a nice day sir, would you like a paper hat?"
I said, "Have a nice day bollocks,
And where's me fucking Mac?
An' I'll have a pint of root beer in a proper fucking glass,
If it's some new bloody lager,
I'll smash yer nose into the floor."
I won't be drinking in MacDonalds when they change the drinking laws.
An' I'll drink, drink, drink 'till it's coming out me ears,
And I'll drink, drink, drink 'till the pub runs out of beer.
An' I'll drink, drink, drink 'till I can't take another sip.
An' I'll have all day drinking on an intrevenous drip.
Yeah.
So what's the point of drinking up at three o fucking clock?
When there's decent ales in Scotland, but that's all full of Jocks.
The penny-pinching bastards, they've all got ginger hair.
It'll take an hour to buy a pint, can't understand a word.
And they're queueing up outside the pubs,
Waiting for a sale,
Bet they wish they put their bags on when it blows a bloody gale.
Everyone will buy more beer when they change the drinking laws,
Spend the extra tax they get to mend that fucking wall.
An' I'll drink, drink, drink 'till it's coming out me ears,
I'll drink, drink, drink 'till the pub runs out of beer.
An' I'll drink, drink, drink 'till I can't take another sip.
All day drinking on an intrevenous drip.
An' we'll drink, drink, drink 'till it's coming out us ears,
We'll drink, drink, drink 'till the pub runs out of beer.

Top Macc Lads, Alehouse Rock

Sunday evening I was bored watching God-shit,
Couldn't reach remote control, so I had to watch it,
One eye on Harry Secombe, the other's on the clock,
Five to seven every Sunday we do the Alehouse Rock
Put your left foot on the rail, put your right hand on
your ale,
Stand still 'til eleven o'clock, you're doing the
Alehouse Rock
Lift the pint in your right hand and tip your head back,
With your left hand wipe the froth off your moustache,
Suck your belly in when you spot fit crack,
Keep your distance in the bogs, and watch the splash
back,
When you've finished breaking wind, shout: 'Better out
than in,'
Hide the piss stain round your cock, you're doing the
Alehouse Rock
In Dundee or in Dunbar, flop your stomach on the bar,
shout:
'Fuck off, ginger Jocks!'
You're the alehouse rock.
Down another pint and light an Embassy,
Save up all the coupons for a lung machine,
Tap your cowboy boot along to Slade on the jukebox,

Top Macc Lads, Alehouse

Top Macc Lads, Knock Knock

Knock knock, Whose there?, Thatcher! Thatcher who?.
Thatcher mother getting rogered at the gang-bang the other night, At the start she was nice and tight. By the end, you'd get your fist, In any orifice.
Knock knock, Whose there?, Ivor! Ivor who?.
Ivor massive tool lets have a gang-bang the other night, At the start she was nice and tight. By the end, you'd get your fist, In any orifice.
Knock knock, Whose there?, Ivan! Ivan who?.
Ivan even bigger tool lets have a gang-bang the other night, At the start she was nice and tight. By the end, you'd get your fist, In any orifice.

Top Macc Lads, Head Kicked In

All the lads are drinking and puking on the dance hall floor, (on the floor) Knobby's in the Ladies with his willy up a big fat whore,(a big whore) Somebody's going to get their head kicked in tonight
He's going to rip off her bags (tear off her clothes), Pull down her tammy (and her pantyhose), But he got dead pissed, puked on her dress, The whole dance floor was a fucking mess.
He's going to rip off her bags (tear off her clothes), Pull down her tammy (and her pantyhose), But he got dead pissed, puked on her dress, The whole dance floor was a fucking mess.

Top Macc Lads, Jingle Bells

Christmas time is here again, Macc Lads have a ball, All the crack are stood in line and shagged against the wall Lots of ale and Christmas snogs and puking up in the Bear's Head bogs Jingle bells, Muttley smells, Beater's on his back Stez has got a hard-on and he's shagging all the crack Beater found 300 johnnies in his Christmas stocking, We didn't see him 'til New Year's Eve, he was off to do some fucking One thing Beater doesn't know, we shagged his mum under the mistletoe Jingle bells, fucking hell, party every night Macc Lads go out shagging every crack in sight

Top Macc Lads, I Love Macc

Friend of mine got married a week last Saturday, Him and his wife moved out of Macc, they bought a house in Hale, At least we know now that we can still ring them, At least is isn't altering them (Altrincham), But give me, give me, give me, give me Macclesfield any bloody day.
I I I love Macclesfield, you get gravy with your chips, I I I love Macclesfield, the crack's got bigger brains.
Bear's Head, Nags Head, Flower Pot, George and Fool's Nook, Red Lion, White Lion, Chestergate, Cock and Puss in Boots. If I had to move away, I'd be back in a couple of days, Or I'd die, die, die, die.
I I I love Macclesfield, decent pints of bitter, I I I love Macclesfield, all the crack's much fitter,
Bull's Head, King's Head, Durham Ox, George & Dragon, Queen's, Millstone, Oxford, Highwayman, Pack Horse and Waters Green, I I I love Macclesfield, where they wear flat caps, I I I love Macclesfield, we've got no Southern poofs.
I I I love Macclesfield,, the Cut and Jodrell Bank, I I I love Macclesfield, its a great place for a walk, I I I love Macclesfield, ooh bi do bi doo.

Top Macc Lads, Knutsford

Well they're coarse and they act obscene, Up the Edge on Hallowe'en, And at the Knutsford Mayfair, Shagging any lump they find there.
We're going Knutsford, Knustford, Knutsford scabby women, Knutsford scabby women.
You can pick them up at Top Rank, In the back for a quick wank, They like skiing in the Viva, All their kids look like the Beater.
We're going Knutsford, Yeah Knustford, Knutsford scabby women, Knutsford scabby women.

Top Macc Lads, Macc Lads

Ah so.
The ducks are sitting and I making my list now,
Macc Lads stagger in and their all fucking pissed,
The fucking drunk bastards can't take their beer,
Free gravy tonight, I've got bad diarrhoea.
Sea food special with extra crab,
Two pancake with a penis scab,
See you tomorrow and we have chick pie,
We have dog and I think he about to die...
Cut your nail into prawn cracker,
Add black bit from around my knaccars,
Call me Chinky, little yellow git,
You'll be on the bog for a week.
'Cos you want to know what's in my wok,
Pubic lice from around my cock,
Egg foo young and crispy noodle,
No I haven't seen your poodle...
You want to try my sweet and sour chicken,
I give you free bag to be sick in.
Call me slanty, you're very very nasty,
I fart on chips and piss on pastie.
Chinky cunt? Ha, very very funny,
Jumbo sausage, chips and curry,
Gordon smile and take the money,
Excellant laddy, my arse is runny.
Pie Taster
Oi, oi, oi,
She had just turned twenty nine,
Needed a good ironing,
Smelling like a dench,
Face looked like a welder's bench.
And she was baggy at the rear,
She could fart for Lancashire,
And she said she liked the taste of me bellend chedder,
And she asked me if I wanted fer bed her.
She were desperate for a fuck,
Said her cunt were ill enough,
She had piles and NSU,
Creepy crawlies in her pubes,
And dribbling out of her womb,
Were semen and the QE2.
But I've never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But I've woken up with one or two,
No he's never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But he's woken up with quite a few.
Stretch marks on her bum,
Tated pies for Titterton's,
Stretch marks on her bum,
Tasted pies for Titterton's,
Stretch marks on her bum,
Tasted pies for Titterton's,
Stretch marks on her bum,
Tasted pies for Titterton's,
Stretch marks on her bum...
Yaaaw.
Yaaaw.
But I've never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But I've woken up with one or two,
No he's never been to bed with an ugly woman,

Top Macc Lads, Turtles Heads

The fit bird at Tesco with the massive tits said she'd meet me tonight And she'd ring me at six, The phone's rung twice, I haven't picked it up, Coz I'm sitting here staring at a toilet duck There's a turd hanging out of my arse I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled There's a turd hanging out of my arse It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads
Then I had a visit from a man in a suit, he said: "Is anyone at home? I'm from Littlewood's Pools." He never heard me screaming, or the toilet flush So I threw him a message on a dirty bog brush, It said: There's a turd hanging out of my arse I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled There's a turd hanging out of my arse It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads

Top Macc Lads, Hen Night

The pub went hush, could hear a fag drop, A glass vibrates on the table top. Far away, a worrying sound, The rumble of flesh, from the other side of town.
Sup up your beer, collect your fags, Before we're hit by flying jam rags, Clattering heels and giggling squeals, They scream, they howl, they hiss, Totter down the cobbles, teeshirts a wobble, It's the hen night on the piss.
"We're not fussy who we're shagging, Just get us a rum and black in, We'll shag geordies, we'll shag scousers, Get your cocks out of your trousers"
I'm buried beneath giggling flesh. A size fourteen in a size eight dress, Spritzers spilled, cameras flash, Your knee's full of arse, Your 'tache is full of gash, Handbags swinging, drunken singing: "Show us yer knob" and "Gissa kiss", Chippendales then chips and ale, It's the hen night on the piss
"We're not fussy who we're shagging, Just get us a rum and black in, We'll shag geordies, we'll shag scousers, Get your cocks out of your trousers"

Top Macc Lads, Helen Of Fowey

Got me tanktop with the budgie front, party on at Vinny's Oxford bags, so I looked a cunt, but the party's nearly finished Nowt to drink but Noilly Prat, Babycham or Snowball Nowt to shag but something fat on holiday from Cornwall The face that lunched on a thousand chips Seventeen hairs in the wart on her bottom lip But I knew I had to give it a shag, or she'd go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag. Didn't know which way up she was, I said: 'Fart and give us a clue, love.' She said back at hers she had some beer, 'and a bottle of Clandew, love.' I got dead pissed, she looked quite fit, she looked like someone famous, I fumbled about, but my aim was out, I stuffed it up her anus She picked her arse as she lay bare, digging out the bits of bogroll in her anal hair I knew I had to give it a shag, now she'll go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag

Top Macc Lads, Julie The Schooly

Julie was a schooly and she said she came from Stoke, If you help her with her homework, then she'll let you have a grope, Wears her knickers round her ankles, they're always full of stains, She'll swop a knucle shuffle for a note to get off games.
But you can't take her down the pub, she's a bit of a hound, (Julie the Schooly) You can't order lemonade when you're buying a round, (Julie the Schooly) She leaves the upper fourth at a quarter to four, She can bind like a whore, She can talk to your pork, And she bangs like a shithouse door when the plague's in town.
She said she wanted plating, I dropped down to my knees, I stopped myself from fainting, she smelled of mushy peas, Then I found some carrots and I said that I'd be sick, She said that the last bloke was, and she swallowed half my dick.
But you can't take her down the pub, she's a bit of a hound, (Julie the Schooly) You can't order lemonade when you're buying a round, (Julie the Schooly) She leaves the upper fourth at a quarter to four, She can bind like a whore, She can talk to your pork, And she bangs like a shithouse door when the plague's in town.
(Julie the Schooly), (Julie the Schooly), (Julie the Schooly), (Julie the Schooly).

Top Macc Lads, Sweaty Betty

Macc Lads
Beer N Sex N Chips N Gravy
Sweatty Betty
Well, she wore big knickers,
And she worked on t' sewage farm,
I got me 'and down 'er jeans an'
I nearly lost half me arm.
But after ten pints,
Looked quite fit,
Couldn't wait to get me hands
On her flabby tits.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty,
So I said slap that and ride the ripples,
I've just got to get me gob
'Round her inverted nipples.
She had a massive arse
And sweatty breasts,
Thirty eight inch,
She were a mound of flesh.
Sweatty Betty, she eats a lot of pies,
Sweatty Betty, she's got enormous thighs,
Sweatty Betty, have you smelt her breath,
Sweatty Betty, she'll crush a man to death.
And I knew that she wanted me fer shag 'er,
So I stabbed 'er cunt with me mutton dagger,
I couldn't believe the spots on her bum,
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty.
'An I've seen real Maccicians gerroff 'ome
But you know me, I'll shag endless buer.
Sweatty Betty, she eats a lot of chips,
Sweatty Betty, she's got massive tits,
Sweatty Betty, she's got a huge vagina,
Sweatty Betty, you'd fit a bus inside 'er.
Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, she's so obscene,
Sweatty Betty, it doesn't matter to me.
Sweatty Betty, she's like a lump of lard,
Sweatty Betty, she makes me willy hard.
Shut up and listen,
I'm gonna tell thee a story,
About me trip down south,
To the crotch of England's glory.
Took some Dombies and a Bod can,
To make me fell at home,
I'm going down London,
Dig up paving stones.
Got to London half past six,
And I wished I'd never come,
'Cos there's puffs down 'ere
Drinkin' halves of larger,
Without notes from their mum's.
No gravy at the chippy,
And what's a savaloy?
Every pub were full of boring
Isling bottom boys.
We are all just simple lads,
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
An' a wife at home to fuck.
If I live to be forty,
I'll never understand,
Why they're up 'till eleven,
To drink beer that's second-hand.
Dialling 0625 on the telephone,
I shouts "pull us a pint of bitter ale
The night I'm comin' home."
We are all just simple lads,
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
And a wife at home to fuck.
Yeah, we are all just simple lads
Never asked for much,
Just twenty pints on a Friday night,
And a wife at home to fuck.