11th August 2014: New arthritis hope for millions

Just like the pension joy / misery is always "for millions" in Expressland, the latest nonsense for their arthritic readers is also on an epic scale. But is it really?

British experts have found a natural material, previously only seen in horses, in the hip joints of patients. It forms sharp, dense fragments that grind away healthy cartilage, making the condition worse. Some 8.5 million Britons suffer osteoarthritis, the most common form of the condition. It is caused by wear and tear on joints where the cartilage that cushions movement is worn away. Bones then come into ­contact with each other and the friction makes joints swollen and extremely painful.

Excellent! Thanks, horsey bone material. When’s the cure?

At the moment, treatments only relieve the symptoms.

Bugger. What did the boffins actually discover?

“We have discovered a previously unrecognised mechanism of cartilage destruction in human hip joints. This discovery could certainly lead to new treatments.”

So the treatments only relieve the symptoms and the boffins say the discovery could lead to new treatments? Oh Express, you let us down again!

Natalie Carter, head of research liaison and evaluation at Arthritis Research UK, said: “We were excited to hear about the research developments in Professor Gallagher’s lab.”

At least the Obligatory Other Person Quote is positive…

“Arthritis Research UK funds research into musculoskeletal conditions, including a number of rare diseases. Although these conditions affect a smaller number of people they can be very severe. One clear message from the research led by Professor Gallagher is that there is value in researching these rarer disorders as they can reveal insights into other more ­common diseases. This research provides hope for people living with the pain of osteoarthritis in the UK, as well as other rarer conditions.”

1st August 2014: New hope for cancer cure.

This one is not written by Chief Health Press Release Copy & Paster Jo Willey; they got Politics Press Release Reader Macer Hall to do it insted because it’s actually political bollocks instead of health bollocks…

The NHS is set to become a world leader in the fight against cancer, David Cameron will predict today. Britain will drive cutting-edge research as a result of a £300million funding boost to be unveiled by the Prime Minister. The spin-offs are likely to transform the way cancer and other life-threatening conditions are diagnosed and treated, bringing new hope to families across the country.

I see the vague language of the miracle cure headline stories also applies to their political stories. 

Creepy arse-licking Cameron quote: “I believe we will be able to transform how devastating ­diseases are diagnosed and treated while supporting our best scientists to discover the next wonder drug or breakthrough technology.”

So , when will there be a miracle cure?

Health chiefs hope the work will prepare for genomics-based medicine to become everyday practice across the NHS.

30th July 2014: Five-a-day will add years to your life.

Following on from Monday’s "2 minutes exercise will stop you ageing", we have another time-twisting life-changing miracle.

Five portions of fruit and veg a day is the “magic number” for a long and healthy life. Sticking to the advice cuts the risk of an early death and protects against heart disease and cancer, new research has found.

If life expectancy was purely down to yer fruit-n-veg then I would do a cheer. But its not.

Chinese and American researchers said that eating a large amount of fruit and vegetables had a dramatic impact on lowering the risk of death from all causes, particularly heart disease.

Hurrah! What else do we know about the science?

Last year, Spanish scientists at the Andalusian School of Public Health’s Granada Cancer Registry found that people who ate 569 grams of fruit and veg a day – the equivalent of 7.1 portions – reduced their risk of premature death by 10 per cent and lived on average one year and 44 days longer. The reduction in the risk of dying from heart disease was even higher at 15 per cent. The study said that more than four per cent of heart deaths could be prevented by consuming more than five-a-day. Eating just portions of fruit did not significantly cut the risk, but vegetables alone did. Raw vegetables reduced the risk of ­premature death by 16 per cent.

That’s all very nice but not exactly in the miracle cure category.

Victoria Taylor, senior dietitian at the British Heart ­Foundation, said: “This study is another reminder that fruit and ­vegetables shouldn’t be an after-thought but an essential part of our meals and snacks.”

Thanks for that wisdom, boffin.

28th July 2014: 2 minutes exercise will stop you ageing.

Now call me cynical but this may turn out to be a load of old bollocks…

British experts say a quick blast of activity staves off the ravages of time and makes for a fit and healthy old age.  People aged over 60 in a trial group transformed their lives by cutting blood pressure and improving performance in everyday tasks.  Exercising for 60 seconds twice a week over a month and a half helped physical fitness and lowered their chance of suffering a heart attack or stroke.

So far so ‘doing healthier things makes you more healthy’ but no mention of yer actual stopping the ageing process.

How did this latest miracle work?

Each session consisted of six-second all-out sprints on an exercise bike with each participant fitted with a heart rate monitor throughout. The number of sprints in each session was progressively increased over the course of the trial from six to 10 sets of six-second sprints. A minimum of one minute recovery time was allowed between each sprint, and participants were not allowed to start sprinting again until their heart rate had gone back down to below 120 beats per minute.

OK, but how did that stop the ageing process?

The researchers found the “functional capacity” – the ability of those those doing the HIT to get up off a chair or walk six metres – “significantly improved” by between 15 to 20 per cent. “This is the difference of, if someone knocks on the door, how quickly you can answer it. Being able to walk 50 metres is taking the shopping from the bus stop into the house. These all significantly improved which, for older people, is really important.”

Well yes but how did it stop the ageing process?

“We are not saying you need to do exercise every day. A little bit at higher intensity twice a week will see you get significant improvement.”

Of course, exercise is good, but how did it stop the ageing process?

Oh I give up. What did the Obligatory Other Quote say?

Caroline Abrahams, charity director at Age UK, said: “There is a really strong body of research that demonstrates the importance of exercise in later life. However it’s important to find the right exercise for you and to consult your GP.”

24th July 2014: Single jab to fight arthritis.

Let’s ignore the unfortunate headline / photo story juxtaposition and find out what this week’s arthritis ‘cure’ is all about…

The injection, which helps joints heal themselves, is already being tested on British patients. And researchers hope the cheap and quick procedure could be used to prevent the disease ever striking in the first place.

A "could"! Hurrah! All is well.

The technique involves coating damaged cartilage with stem cells taken from a patient’s own hip and mixed with surgical glue. When injected over the cartilage defect, the mixture regenerates the remaining tissue to create a ­permanent “like-for-like” ­replacement for the first time. The technique should cost just a few hundred pounds and could be widely used across the country within two years, said consultant orthopaedic surgeon Gorav Datta, of Southampton General Hospital, who is leading the research.

Should could yawn…what about the Oblligatory Other Quote?

Dr Stephen Simpson, director of research at Arthritis Research UK said: “This is an exciting study in what is a developing and hugely promising area of research. Replacing damaged cartilage with some grown from patients’ own stem cells could prevent or slow down the progression of early osteoarthritis and ultimately reduce or at least delay the need for joint replacement surgery.”

Now we know.

22nd July 2014: Yoghurt can cut blood pressure: Eat a pot a day to help save your life.

Hurrah, it can save lives! But can it really? …

Research leader Dr Jing Sun said: “The studies suggest regular consumption of probiotics can be part of a healthy lifestyle to help reduce high blood pressure, as well as maintain healthy blood pressure levels.”

Now call me literal but that’s not exaclty the same as the headline.

Probiotics with multiple bacteria lowered blood pressure more than those with a single bacteria, according to the research.

So no miracles from delicious fruity bitty regular pots?

Dr Sun said the studies of the effects tend to be small and that more research is needed before doctors can confidently recommend probiotics for high blood pressure control and prevention.

This it not looking liike a miracle cure at all….

Victoria Taylor, senior dietitian at the British Heart Foundation, said it was vital that everyone made efforts to keep their blood pressure in check.

Of course, but what about Miracle Yoghurt?

She said: “While this is an interesting review of the research, it’s too soon to start recommending probiotics for lowering blood pressure. We need more research to confirm the findings seen here. There are a number of well-established lifestyle changes that we can make to keep our blood pressure healthy. Eating less salt, more fruit and vegetables and being physically active and maintaining a healthy body weight are all tried and tested ways.”

So once again it actually comes down to adopting a healthy sensible lifestyle? I am so disppointed.

15th July 2014: Puzzles best way to fight dementia.

Another day, another familiar miracle headline.

Puzzles and crosswords could be the best way to beat dementia.

Oh. They COULD be the best way to best it. What are the chances?

What else does the Express say?

PLAY OUR BRILLIANT FREE PUZZLES AND GAMES NOW!

Really?

Let’s just cut to the other quote…

Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “Observational studies like this are not able to pinpoint cause and effect but they can be useful for identifying factors that may influence our risk of memory decline and dementia. This study adds to the ongoing ‘use it or lose it’ debate.

Any other advice?

“The best evidence suggests that we can reduce our risk of dementia with a healthy lifestyle – eating a balanced, healthy diet, exercising regularly, not smoking and keeping blood pressure and weight in check.”

Like every other sodding miracle cure then.

14th July 2014: How to beat Alzheimer’s.

Other actual newspapers go with the World Cup Final but not The World’s Greatest Newspaper. Just get a press release from Jo Willey’s drawer…

Experts reveal seven lifestyle changes to help fight off disease

I bet I know what they are! The same as every other poxy story just like this one?

Millions could be saved from developing Alzheimer’s disease by making a few simple changes to their lifestyle, experts reveal today.

Let’s just skip to the end bit where they get someone less biased to coment, shall we? We all know how this goes by now….

 Dr Simon Ridley, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “While age is the biggest risk factor for most cases of Alzheimer’s, there are a number of lifestyle and general health factors that could increase or decrease a person’s chances of developing the disease.”

“This new analysis suggests many cases could be prevented by increasing physical activity, quitting smoking and altering diet to reduce the cases of diabetes.”

12th July 2014: Cheap pill to beat arthritis.

Hurrah! Another thing beaten…

A daily fish oil supplement could be the key to beating arthritis.

So does it beat it or is it just something that could beat it? These two options are quite different.

Scientists’ discovery – tested on mice – means that sufferers from osteoarthritis could transform their lives by taking the over-the-counter 20p supplement. The alternative is to boost the levels of omega 3 in the diet by eating more fish, nuts and seeds packed with the essential fat. Researchers in the US reached their conclusion after discovering osteoarthritis is linked more to diet than to body weight.

Not only is it just another “could” but it’s the return of the Miracle Mice!

Dr Farshid Guilak said: “Our results suggest that diet plays a more significant role than mechanical factors in the link between obesity and osteoarthritis. He and his team at Duke University Medical Centre, in North Carolina, studied mice with osteoarthritis of the knee caused by injury to the joint. Their research, published in the journal Annals Of The Rheumatic ­Diseases, suggests that unhealthy ­dietary fats – not just obesity – may make osteoarthritis worse.

Oh well. What did the less biased quoted person on the press release have to say?

Professor Alan Silman, medical director of Arthritis Research UK, said: “Research is increasingly confirming that omega 3 fatty acids sourced from fish oil can slow the progression of osteoarthritis in animals and that the benefits of fish oil for joint health are not simply old wives’ tales. “Most diets in the developed world are lacking in omega 3, with modern diets having up to 30 times too much omega 6 and too little omega 3.”

“Taking omega 3 could help redress this imbalance. However, we now need studies that confirm that it can also be effective in humans.”

Yes, I guess that might help.

Time for a Diabetes ‘Cure’ montage update.

11th July 2014: Stomach surgery to beat diabetes.

ANOTHER diabetes ‘cure’?

Scientists are a step closer to understanding why stomach surgery can “cure” diabetes.

They have found that cells in the intestine release a potent cocktail of up to six hormones when we eat. The breakthrough could lead to the development of drugs which could be used instead of surgery to tackle both obesity and diabetes.

Could could could could could …

Dr Smith said: “For us, understanding how these cells change in response to surgery is likely to hold the key to a cure for diabetes.”

So many Express ways to live FOREVER!

10th July 2014: How you can live an extra 10 years.

Well this is hardly an original story for The Daily Express… is it all about healthy eating, taking exercise, not smoking and being sensible with booze like every other ‘miracle’?

Following four ­simple rules can add 10 years to your life, say ­scientists.

 Go on…

Someone of 75 who sticks to them has the same chance of living an extra decade as someone 10 years younger who has an unhealthy lifestyle.

This is a bit cheeky if it is only in relation to people who are Very Old already….

Eating fruit, staying active, ­limiting alcohol intake and ­shunning cigarettes all help to increase ­longevity, researchers have found. And for the first time they have worked out exactly how a health-conscious 75-year-old can outlive an unhealthy 65-year-old.

BINGO!

What other dubious facts does this exclusive contain?

Someone who smokes, drinks a lot, is inactive and has an unhealthy diet has 2.5 times higher risk of dying within a decade than someone who looks after their health.

The Zurich team found that a 75-year-old man who smokes, drinks alcohol regularly, does little or no exercise and eats barely any fruit has just 35 per cent chance of being alive in 10 years’ time.

2nd July 2014: Statins are no risk to health

Hurrah! Miracle-tastic!

Statins are safe and “the jury is no longer out” on whether the ­benefits outweigh the risks, leading heart experts said yesterday.

The rest of this article was only visible by clicking on a ‘quiz’ about the Health Lottery (also owned by Express Big Big Cheese Richard ‘Dirty Des’ Desmond) and it was going to be the usual nonsense so I couldn’t be bothered.

This story does seem familiar, but not as familiar as the front page layout:
Doctors got it WRONG: Statins are actually safe to use (16th May 2014), Heart attack-preventing statins are safe, says watchdog (31st May 2014) …

28th June 2014: New way to battle dementia

Another one? As it’s on the Saturday issue’s front page it must be more important than the usual rubbish weekday miracles, right?

Getting a good night’s sleep could be the key to beating dementia, experts revealed yesterday.

Is that it? Sleep is good for you? With a standard added “could”?

A lack of rest overnight as you get older can have a ­dramatic impact on your memory and ability to carry out everyday tasks. Researchers at Warwick ­University found sleeping for a full eight hours a night can have a marked effect on brain function. Professor Francesco Cappuccio, of the university’s medical school, said: “Sleep is important for good health and mental wellbeing…”

Blah blah blah, cut to the expert quote at the end:

Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, sounded a note of caution. “Though many of us will have felt the effects of a bad night’s sleep on our memory, this study did not look at dementia and it’s too soon to conclude that poor sleep will lead to the condition.”

So in fact today’s miracle is far less miraculous than most.

“Further research to better understand the links between sleep quality and our risk of dementia is needed before we can know whether improving our sleep quality could prevent the condition.”