All you do is judge and you're just full of shit, shut
your fucking mouth and get in the pit. Your apathy, it
rings through. In everything you don't do. If you don't
like it, get the fuck out. If you are going to
stay...Step up to the plate. I will always hold my
Everyday white knuckles clutched, life's terms is
breaking me. And sometimes this grind is all that I can
see. But tonight, I'll tear this place down to the
ground. None of that shit will mean a thing to me. The
life I spent seems so discontent, and I can't be appeased
by the worthless things in this fight. I need something
real. So tonight, I'll tear this place down to the
ground. None of that shit will mean a thing to me. And
there was days where it was useless to cry, all I wanted
to do was die. But I still had those nights, with me and
you and we would, tear it down, right down, to the
So you had me pegged from day one, a worthless kid. Just
by my look I could never stand up to your expectations.
But I never cared for your fucking small talk I grew
tired of posturing too long ago. I don't want to break
the ice or be something I'm not, everyone is trying to
impress someone, and I'm just sick and tired of this
worthless game. You're self-important and I won't break
your fall you're destined to take from your pedestal that
is built on nothing but ego and lies. I'll just move
along and turn my eyes blind while you continue to sell
yourself short. I don't wanna break the ice, or be
something I'm not, everyone is trying to impress someone,
and I'm just sick and tired of this worthless game. Where
is the fucking substance in what you say? 'Cause I'm not
hearing anything, you just wear your strings and get
played. 'Cause they wanted you that way, FUCK THIS GAME.
Who you are, and who you know, do you really think I give
a shit? Wipe that fucking smile right off your face.
You're only something to yourself; your arrogance is
They started weeding us out when we were children when we
were so naive. They tried to break out spirit to erase
our individuality and if we didn't comply and when we
didn't comply, they turned the table gave us pills made
us different unwanted and not able in their institution
in their world you must comply but I won't comply. We
Today, I don't want it to be the same as yesterday. But,
over and over and over again, nothing ever changes, what
is the fucking point? The rain never stops falling on
this city, and I don't want to be washed away. I can't
live my life this way. If this is the last day that I
ever breathe. I don't want to regret the things I could
I thought it was so much more, a way for me to breathe,
in the face of a world that I would never survive. And if
I could only touch it again, if I could feel that way
forever, nothing could hurt me, nothing could bring me
down. Take my pain, take it all away, let me live in this
world without fear. That is what I was promised. And I
thought it was so much more, but it never gave me a
fucking thing, except wasted breathes and cracked up
schemes, eating away at my fucking dreams. Spent so much
time looking for the answer and I never had to look at
all. What a waste of life, on a fucking lie. Chemically
induced laughter is so much sadder than anything this
life could ever deal, and I'm not going to waste one more
And sometimes I think there has to be something more I
feel it fester inside. But it looks like I'm destined to
just fall back in line. Every one of my actions seems so
damn clich'd has my path been predisposed. Am I just
another pawn in this game? Every minute's one step closer
to my last breath still I adjourn my aspirations to
another day. When I look in the mirror I see my father's
sunken eyes so lost and destitute just before he dies. I
cannot succumb to a world of playing it safe with halls
of regret my vices cannot placate. I don't want to have
to look back and say I wish I had more. Apathy never
gained me a gooddamn thing. I crave more. Every minute's
one step closer to my last breath. I crave more. Still I
adjourn my aspirations to another day. I crave more. I
want to be rewritten. Cause I don't want to have to look
back and say "Make me young, make me young...." KILGORE
My god is anything that can take this away, that's all I
care about so leave me the fuck alone. You only block the
way to what I really want, to feel nothing at all and to
forget about you. If you think I ever gave a shit about
you, you were dead fucking wrong, reach out to me, I'll
run you fucking through. Why don't you see I have no need
to dream? Don't try to set me right I'm not worth the
fight. All I am good for is amounting to nothing; all I
look forward to is a bag full of dope. If you think I
could ever give a shit about you, you were dead fucking
wrong, I will run you through. And if you ever try to
reach out to me, I will take what you give, and I will
I've drawn my line in the sand. When you said that you'd
be there for me, did you mean if you didn't have to put
yourself out too much? Because your silence went
unnoticed and that is just the point. I swear I gripped
the edge of my seat so tight it splintered. In all my
years I had never felt so lost, but I was always looking
for a way out. And I sit here today and I weathered that
storm but I watched you drift away with a life jacket in
hand. It came to make or break, and you didn't do a
thing. You just cowered away, and made sure you didn't
get caught up in the waves. Well now it is my time to
turn away, because my sky is clear and you're back
around. You try and act the same, as it nothing ever
changed. I'm so sick of counting on people like you, I'm
not gonna set myself up for another fall. Friendship,
what a fucking joke.
Like Socrate questioning the unwarranted confidence in
the truth of popular opinions. Or like those who faced
massacre at Ludow who stood vehemently opposed to the
status quo. I'll bare no affiliation with socially
stagnant illussions of virtue. I'll remain defiant and
true to what I see as righteous in my own eyes. "Against
the grain" My affinity stands with those who speak out of
turn in the ones who's words have driven social change.
Again and again there has been attempts to muzzle and
constrain but what's on our minds cannot be detained. And
they'll try to wash us away in their tide of convention
but we will still antagonize from where we stand on the
outside. I remain defiant to what I see as righteous in
You tell me what to do? You enforce some one else's
rules. Take pride in what I do? Not likely if I do it for
you. Such an important man, puppet to those who feed your
pocket, kissing their asses doesn't make you any less
expendable. Spineless, back stabbing, don't act like you
are doing me a favor. Two faced-bottom-feeder, threaten
me with my security but the problem is I don't give a
fuck. You would do anything to get yourself ahead, but
you will never touch what they make off us, so run along
now with your tail between your legs, sell it all out for
an extra dollar an hour. This is my time, you buy it from
Driven by antiquated morality which shields us from our
depravity we revel in surrend and disregard today.
Compelled to place our direction in unfounded authority
wanting to be saved we abnegate out will. Blind faith
leads us astray. As far as I can see this next breath is
all I have. And as far as I know when it's over it's
over. Inaction seems the greater sin than those
ostracized by current doctrine. The ideals we hold so
tight come off as insignificant. The world will keep
passing us by as a ignorance walks us down the path
beset. But still remaining idle our limitations are
already set. As far as I can see this next breath is all
I have. And as far as I know the last beat of my heart is
my expiration. And when the times comes I will only have
to answer to myself. I refuse to disregard my will to the
promise of a better place. And as far as i can see this
next breath is all I have. My conscience, my integrity
Why do we always stand down? Forget about what we
believe? Well this is not the end; I'm not ready to give
in. Do you remember when we thought we could change the
world? Before the way it is, was shoved down our throats.
And it speaks apathy easier pretend not to care, but
pretending has a way of becoming what we believe. And do
you remember when we thought we could change the world
before the way it is was shoved down our throats. We
reach for nothing these days. Silenced ideals, voices
kept at bay. We reach for nothing these days. We're
always looking for the easier way. I can't sit still some
times, I feel an urgency build inside. I'm bursting at
the seams; I need to live this life. And I think of the
times when our screams did change the world and I'll take
I can still remember that night like it was yesterday. We
sat out on that deck until the sun broke and found out
that we weren't alone with the shit we held inside. Those
were the days when friends were the ones kept me alive.
Stick together just a bunch of fucked up kids. From day
one brought together to go down together. Stick together
watch this life tear us apart destroying ourselves was
the only was we knew to survive. And I will never forget
that night when I made my first real friends. The words
we spoke echoes in every corner of my life. And I know we
didn't choose each other we just had no where else to
fit. But shit gets complicated and no matter how hard we
tried we couldn't hang on as life wore us down. And from
that night on I watched it all disintegrate. In a
desperate need to escape ourselves we fucking threw it
all way. It makes me so sick to know that not a single
stran of what we had is left between us. And I would like
to be there for all of them but I'm not the only one who
got out. And I refuse to stand by and watch them slowly
So 5 years later. Man it feels like less than that
tonight. It almost feels like you passed on just
yesterday. All I know is that I still feel so fucking
lost and so fucking confused. I just want everything to
be like it was before that day. It's time to move on with
my life time to stop running from the past. And I know
nothing I can do will ever bring you back. It's time to
move on with my life time to stop running from the past
but with every step forward I will never forget. There
are times when all I want is something to take it all
away. And on those days I feel like a sieve and I let
everything flow straight though me. Besides the way I
always felt everything flows straight though except for
the same emptiness I always felt. I know nothing I can do
will ever bring you back. It's time to stop running from
my past it's time to move on with my life. I have broken
down. I have built myself back up. I have worn masks to
mask my masks from myself and to this very day I want to
shut my eyes. Shut it all out push it away. But I don't
have to have my guard up anymore. I've wasted too much
time and I can't wait forever. It's time to move on time
wish we could cut this short where every action is to
impress someone else. I wish I never played that game but
I pissed away so many pointless days. We really have very
little time to base our sense of self on others eyes. If
you want to live life that way you might as well just
call it a day. Do what you're gonna do. Be who you're
gonna be. Say what you're gonna say. It's your fucking
live live it your way. Digging yourself deep into a void
always wanting to be someone else. Slipping into
characted every day you couldn't live life a more tiring
way. Have you ever done anything for no one in
particular? Does what you do mean and lies if no one is
there to be a witness? Do what you're gonna do. Be who
you're gonna be. Say what you're gonna say. It's your
fucking life, live it your way. Trying way too hard for
way too long. You must get tired of leaving yourself in
the cold again and again. Living a life do you even know
As the political punks hide from reality down on the
drive clinging to useless causes that are so fucking vain
just taken on to prove they deserve their name. Wash them
away. The destitute huddles together on the side of
streets that flow like rivers and the fortunate live
sheltered within a gentrified fantasy. And no one really
sees the vagabond hands palm up for help it is like to us
the rain hs washed them away. Wash them away. And the
junkies scuffle and leach down by the Carnegie and a
shadow barley clothed stand so pathetic at the side of
the road. Ready to see her soul she doesn't feel the cold
the despair of this city has already swallowed her whole.
And there's something about this city where the grey
winter days seems to bring out the decay. And it will
drench you down to your very soul. To your very soul. And
Anoyther day passes as we grow older it seems to me that
one day this may be over. Cause life seems to furiosly
pull away at me beckoning with money and maturity. But
I'm not deterred this is my place and this is where I'll
stay. I'll stay. Try and take it away from me and I will
swing till my knuckles bleed. It's all been done before
everything is so old. My ideals are merely romanticized
dreams so I'm told. I clutch to what I believe but the
opposition is crushing it seems impossible to not
concede. It's hard to escape the feeling I'm destined for
nothing. It's hard to escape the sentiment my voice means
nothing. Everyday I stare the same dillemma in the face
every path in front of me is thread barren. Marginalized
and minimized I won't lose my grit. Disillusioned and
disenfranchised still I resist. Give me one ounce of
something worth fighting for and I will scratch and claw
until my fingers are no more. This is where I stand in my
place where I'll stay. Try to take it away and I will
BITE THE FUCKING CURB. This is my family, get the fuck
away. Haven't you done enough with a shallow smile, I'd
love to see bloody and broken. You took advantage of a
fucking dying man. And you still have the audacity to
look me in the eyes and pretend to cry. Get the fuck out
of my face. You even cheapened his last few hours. Can
Black smoke a shroud over the city the epicenter is
sullen no movement at all. While they hide in wretched
shelter and smother their babies into breast. A
clandestine murmur of sorrow resonated in the streets.
When the sun rises in they pull their dead from the
rubble. They pull their children from beneath the fucking
rubble. And another world away a mother drops to the
floor raises her face to the sky and cries "what the fuck
for?" And those in power lead this masquerade to them
it's only a game. As the innocent suffer. Religious
zealots capitalize on these times spreading their drivel
and lies. As the innocent suffer. Propaganda euphemizes
brutality keeping the masses in line. As the innocent
suffer. Nationalist lies create the perfect disguise for
You look at me so accusing or assuming or maybe
confusing. And just so you know too much has happened, to
turn my back on what I've become. No regrets. After years
of wanting to grab this life by the balls, I may have
turned crazy, but there is no place I would rather be.
Beating my head against a wall. I'm surprised my brain is
still intact. I guess I'm living how I'm predisposed, but
definitely now how I'm supposed to. It is just now who I
am. I guess I should explain myself. I would know exactly
where to turn, but it only makes me feel like more of a
Indoctrinated from day one with the mantra of excess, how
the fuck do I turn it off? A slave to convenience to the
easy wayout as addicting as any drug I ever trifled with.
They told me that freedom to consume was a privilege they
told me that it was right. But they never told me about
the repercussions and they never told me that the life I
afford will spill more than enough blood to literally
paint this town red. In a world where the price of food
is suffering and pain. Where the makers of my threads
barely can sustain. Where countries need food but we give
them guns instead. It's time to open our eyes. Where the
diamond on her finger costs thousand limb of life. Where
we consume to surfeit while starvation is rife. Where
it's nearly impossible to not take part. It's time to
open our eyes.
