Plot
Marty is a senior in high school who just wants to ask the girl of his dreams to the prom. However, throughout the course of the day his best buddy Chester unintentionally foils his futile attempts. This is a female story with male humor that hopefully everyone can relate to.
When survival is the only art
Plot
It's recruiting time and despite being short and scrawny, Johnny Walker is America's hottest young football prospect. His dilemma: should he take one of the many offers from college talent scouts or should he attend the local state college with his girlfriend and give up his football career?
Keywords: american-football, brat-pack, character-name-in-title, food, foot-fetish, football, future, immaturity, independent-film, popularity
Every college in the country wants Johnny. 'Cause when he's good he's very very good. And when he's bad he's better.
Wayne Hisler: Dear lord, we pray that we may win this game today. We ask that you give us the strength and the courage to win our 2nd straight state championship. We ask lord that nobody on our side is seriously injured. We know that we are the best team. We ask that you allow us to win this game. The lord wants you to put your foot on their balls and believe in it, because that's what wins football games. Not jumping offsides like a bunch of wimps and faggots. Alright lift your heads boys, prayers over. I talked to god. I'm thru talking to god, now I'm talking to you. You're gonna be out there in front of your families, the student body, every girl you ever had a hard on for is gonna be out there today but you will not be going to no sock-hop tonight boys, you will not get no honey on your stinger if you don't go out there and bust your ass. Because this is it. This is the big one. I want you to taste it. I want you to smell it son. There's winners and there's nothing else. I don't give a shit what those pinkos over in Russia say. You want to be a loser you go live in Russia. I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. I'm an American. Who wants to be John Wayne? Who wants to grab a root and hang on? Who wants to get a mean on? Get a mean on son. Let me see you get a mean on son. Now who wants it? I want to know, who wants this? Who wants to get a mean on? Who wants it? Let's go!
Georgia Elkans: Well. Since you're not going to speak, you WILL rub my feet.
Leo Wiggins: You kind of look like a combo Liberace meets Prince's mom. But it's groovy!
Johnny Walker: [in agony] I broke my dick, Coach.
Wayne Hisler: You looking for sympathy Leo? Look in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.
Plot
Amateurs compete in a talent contest judged by a trio of celebrities. If the act is so bad that the judges can't bear to watch any more of it, they have the power to stop the act by pounding a large gong hanging on the wall behind them. Host Barris keeps the acts flowing, the jokes flying and the raucous party atmosphere floating. The show's grand prize was $516.32 (except in the syndicated version where it was $712.05).
Keywords: non-fiction, talent-contest, the-gong-show
Chuck Barris: [just before a commercial break] We'll be back with more stuff right after this message.
Della Barris: [just before Chuck Barris first appears in the episode] And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is the host and star of the show, my daddy!
Announcer: [at the start of the show] From Hollywood, almost live, it's The Gong Show!
Chuck Barris: [commercial break] We'll be back, with more STUFF... right after this message!
Substitute may refer to:
In economics:
In sports:
In film and television:
In music:
In other uses:
A football player or footballer is a sportsperson who plays one of the different types of football. The main types of football that are played are association football, American football, Canadian football, Australian rules football, Gaelic football, Rugby league, and Rugby union.
It has been estimated that there are 250 million association football players in the world, and many play the other forms of football.
Football players generally begin as amateurs and the best players progress to become professional players. Normally they start at a youth team (any local team) and from there, based on skill and talent, scouts offer contracts. Once signed, they learn to play better football and some advance to the senior or professional teams.
Research shows that association football players that take less than 200ms after the referee blows their whistle for a penalty kick are significantly more likely to miss scoring than those that take over a second.
American football players are prone to head injuries. This may make them prone to Alzheimers.
Half-Pint stands for:
Most commonly used in an endearing/ familiar sense.
You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather
But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah
Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done
You think we look pretty good together.
You think my shoes are made of leather.
But I'm a substitute for another guy.
I look pretty tall but my heels are high.
The simple things you see are all complicated.
I look pretty young but I'm just back dated, yeah.
Substitute your lies for facts.
I see right through your plastic mac.
I look all white but my dad was black.
My brand new suit's really made out of sack.
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth.
The North side of my town faced East and the east was facing South.
And now you dare to look me in the eye.
Those crocodile tears are what you cry.
It's a genuine problem you won't try
to work it out at all, just pass it by, pass it by.
Substitute me for him.
Substitute my Coke for gin.
Substitute you for my Mum,
at least I'll get my washing done.
I'm a substitute for another guy.
I look pretty tall but my heels are high.
The simple things you see are all complicated.
I look pretty young but I'm just back dated, yeah.
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth.
The North side of my town faced East and the east was facing South.
And now you dare to look me in the eye.
Those crocodile tears are what you cry.
It's a genuine problem you won't try
to work it out at all, just pass it by, pass it by.
Substitute me for him.
Substitute my Coke for gin.
Substitute you for my Mum,
at least I'll get my washing done.
Substitute your lies for facts.
I see right through your plastic mac.
I look all white but my dad was black.
You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather
But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah
Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done
You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather
I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young but I'm just back-dated...yeah
(Substitute) Your lies for fact
(Substitute) I see right through your plastic Mac
(Substitute) I look all white but my dad was black
(Substitute) My fine-looking suit's really made out of sack
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east and the east was facing' south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all, just pass it by...pass it by
(Substitute) Me for him
(Substitute) My coke for gin
(Substitute) You for my mum
(Substitute) At least I'll get my washin' done
I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young but I'm just back-dated...yeah
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east and the east was facing' south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all, just pass it by...pass it by
(Substitute) Me for him
(Substitute) My coke for gin
(Substitute) You for my mum
(Substitute) At least I'll get my washin' done
(Substitute) Your lies for fact
(Substitute) I see right through your plastic Mac
(Substitute) I look all white but my dad was black
You think we look pretty good together?
You think my jeans are made of leather?
But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young but I'm just backdated
Substitute, your lies for fact
Substitute, I see right through that Satan crap
Substitute, I look all white but my dad was black
Substitute, my fine looking suit's really made out of sack
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east and east was facing south
But now you dare to look me in the eye
Those are crocodile tears that you cry
A genuine problem you won't try
To work it out at all, just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute, me for him
Substitute, my coke for gin
Substitute, you for my mom
Substitute, at least I'll get my washing done
But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young but I'm just backdated
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east and east was facing south
But now you dare to look me in the eye
Those are crocodile tears that you cry
A genuine problem you won't try
To work it out at all, just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute, your lies for fact
Substitute, I see right through that Satan crap
Substitute, I look all white but my dad was black
Substitute, my fine looking suit's really made out of sack
Substitute, me for him
Substitute, my coke for gin
Substitute, you for my mom
You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather
But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah
Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done
I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done
Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
You think we look pretty good together,
You think my shoes are made of leather,
But I'm a substitute for another guy,
I look pretty tall but my heels are high,
The simple things you see are all complicated,
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah,
Substitute your lies for fact,
I can see right through your plastic mac,
I look all white, but my dad was black,
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack,
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth,
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south,
And now you dare to look me in the eye,
Those crocodile tears are what you cry,
It's a genuine problem, you won't try,
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by,
Substitute me for him,
Substitute my coke for gin,
Substitute you for my mum,
At least I'll get my washing done,
But I'm a substitute for another guy,
I look pretty tall but my heels are high,
The simple things you see are all complicated,
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah,
Substitute me for him,
Substitute my coke for gin,
Substitute you for my mum,
At least I'll get my washing done,
Substitute your lies for fact,
I can see right through your plastic mac,
I look all white, but my dad was black,
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack
You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather
But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah
Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
There's a sticky feeling
'bout that pleasant evening
A red army attack
In every woman's sack
A particular way of sayin'
Bad ideas ain't stayin' here
The worst idea is prayin'
That all will be good
There's a substitute
Like always it's so cheap
Yeah there's a funky road on which you never fall asleep
There's a club where you can dance
You can dance away the night
I wanna dance away the time let's never look behind
Here's a little sayin'
I'll always hold on to
As long as you can think of
Things to make and do
You won't need no praying
The spirit's within you
And it's ever present
As long as you let it to
Yeah there's a substitute
Like always it's so cheap
Yeah there's a funky road on which you never fall asleep
There's a club where you can dance
You can dance away the night
I wanna dance away the time let's never look behind
There's a place to hide
People always fall back to
Nature will provide
The future needs a little truth
Yeah there's a substitute
Like always it's so cheap
Yeah there's a funky road on which you never fall asleep
There's a club where you can dance
You can dance away the night
Substitute
Gloria Gaynor
(Dino Fekaris / Freddie Perren)
You've been waiting much too long now
Don't know when she's coming home
Say now
You've been loyal true and faithful
All this time of being alone
If I could get that same dedication
I'd give you everything in creation
If she doesn't come back (come back) (come back)
Ooh! I'll be your substitute whenever you want me
Oh don't you know I'd be your substitute
Whenever you need me
Ooh ooh ooh
(Send my love and admiration straight to you)
Say (Say)
Everyday you waited for her, I've been waiting here for you
Say (Say)
All this time I've been lonely knowing what you're going through
I waited ‘til my chances occured, ‘cause you can't keep relying on her
If she doesn't come back (if she doesn't come back)
I'll be your substitute whenever you want me (ooh ooh)
Oh don't you know I'd be your substitute
Whenever you need me
Ooh ooh ooh
Each day by your window (you sit and sigh) hoping to see her face
Well you might as well forget about her and find someone to take her
place
I'll be your substitute whenever you want me (ooh ooh)
Oh don't you know I'd be your substitute
Whenever you need me
Ooh ooh ooh
I'll be your substitute
Whenever you want me (ooh ooh)
Oh don't you know I'd be your substitute
Whenever you need me
Ooh ooh ooh
> fade I'll be your substitute whenever you leave her,
You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather
But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah
Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by
Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done
It's a different world of a whole new kind
Where love could last for a long long time
The helplessness of the poor has passed
And there's no dividing of the social class
It might look good
It might feel nice
Like a Shangri-La
In a Paradise
But it's just a substitute
A substitute
You've got everything that you'll ever need
There's a place for you in society
A love for all is in every heart
It's a happy world with a brand new start
It might look good
It might feel nice
Like a Shangri-La
In a Paradise
It's a movie screen
Of a peaceful scene
Till a second run
Caesar who fell from grace
I got a girl but she's not enough,
So i have to cheat i got 2 much love
And i'll give it to you if you want me 2,
But dont get carried away cause you are just a substitute
So if it's cool that you're my substitute'i'll call you up from time to time when you're on my mind,
And if its A-okay,that you're my substitute,
I'll drain you sexually and then I'll send you you on your way
I want you 2 know that you're my substitute
I have your number in my little black book
And i'll give you a call if my girls not home
And you can stop by so that we can bone
Tere sadke ni kudiye [i would go far for you]
Kudiye ni kudiye ni tu gal sun ja
[girl oh girl listen to these words before you go]
Tera waqt beet gaya pare hatt ja
[your time's up so please step aside]
Teri jagah aine lay laiye,wekh la tu
[you see this girl has taken your place now]
You got to know that you're my substitute yeah
So if it's cool that you're my substitute...
I want you 2 know that you're my substitute
I want you 2 know that you're my substitute
I need you 2 know that you're my substitute
Kudiye ni kudiye ni,kudiye ni kudiye ni
Tera waqt beet gaya,gal meri sun laye ni
[girl oh girl,girl oh girl.listen to my words,your time is up]
I want you 2 know that you're my substitute
you've been waiting much to long
Now it looks like she's not coming home.
you've been loyal
true and faithful
All this time with being alone.
If I could get that same dedication
I'd give you everything in creation
If she doesn't come back
Chor: If she doesn't come back
I'll be your substitute
Whenever you want me
Don't you know I'll be your substitute
Whenever you need me
Sam ev'ry day you waited for her
I've been waiting here for you.
all this time I've been lonely
I know what you've been going through
I'll wait until an't chances will come
'Cos you can't keep alying on her
If she doesn't come back.
Chor: If she doesn't come back.
I'll be your substitute
Whenever you want me
Don't you know I'll be your substitute
When ever you need me
Each day by your window you sit and sigh hoping to see her face.
you might as well forget about her and find someone to take
her place.
Chor: If she doesn't come back
I'll be your substitute
When ever you want me
Don't you know I'll be your substitute
When ever you need me
suzan told me to leave saying she's a woman who is cute
All of a sudden she said she found a Substitute.
But I'm just letting you know that I'll be around I'll be your bridge over troubled waters
So you wont get drown Your Substitute's gonna put you down.[alright]
I heard you're smoking cigarettes by the pack Since you told me to leave and don't come back [yeah]
You were the one who said we're through Now you're drinking liquor which you didn't do But I'll be around
so you wont get drown, your Substitute's gonna put you down...
Whenever time you're in trouble [alright] Just call my name and I'll be on the double.
You drain me
You drag me
You put me down in here
I am, I see you suffering
I need it
The pain you place in me
I feel this
It tears away at me
And I'll drain you
I'll drag you
I'll put you down in here
You are, you see me suffering here
And I need it
The pain you place in me
And I feel this
It tears away at me
Down here I see it
Sober now
But I wish you could
Substitute these feelings for me
And I need it
The pain you place in me
And I feel this
It tears away at me