Letterman's Nailin' Palin (2009)

Actors

• Marco Banderas (actor)
• Mick Blue (actor)
• Eric John (actor)
• Tyler Knight (actor)
• Sascha (actor)
• Barry Scott (actor)
• Randy Spears (actor)
• C.J. Wright (actor)
• Lisa Ann (actress)
• Drew Rose (producer)
• Jimmy Gatz (writer)
• Roger Krypton (writer)
• Axel Braun (director)
• Ero Sennin (miscellaneous crew)

Genres

• Adult

Quotes:

David Letterman: [asking 'Mark Sanford'] Does your wife know, you're here?

This Ain't Dancing with the Stars XXX (2009)

Actors

• James Bartholet (actor)
• Otto Bauer (actor)
• Tony DeSergio (actor)
• Eric John (actor)
• Randy Spears (actor)
• Kiara Diane (actress)
• Scarlett Fay (actress)
• Sindee Jennings (actress)
• Cody Love (actress)
• Dylan Riley (actress)
• Dylan Ryder (actress)
• Stuart Canterbury (director)
• Nextdoor Jimmy (editor)
• A.J. (miscellaneous crew)
• Hal Capone (miscellaneous crew)

Genres

• Adult

Quotes:

Judge #3: [to "David Letterman" and his partner after the performance] Sorry, I go for the both of you but for insiders: A hoedown doesn't mean dancing like a hoe.

Saturday Night Live: The Best of Jon Lovitz (2005)

Actors

• Matthew Broderick (actor)
• Dana Carvey (actor)
• Tom Davis (actor)
• Will Ferrell (actor)
• Mel Gibson (actor)
• Darrell Hammond (actor)
• Tom Hanks (actor)
• Phil Hartman (actor)
• Mick Jagger (actor)
• John Lithgow (actor)
• Jon Lovitz (actor)
• Norm MacDonald (actor)
• John Malkovich (actor)
• Dennis Miller (actor)
• Dave Attell (actor)

Genres

• Comedy

And the Beat Goes On: The Sonny and Cher Story (1999)

Actors

• Sonny Bono (actor)
• Matthew Chaffee (actor)
• Maurice Chasse (actor)
• Shaun Duke (actor)
• Walter Franks (actor)
• Tom Frykman (actor)
• Carl Gilliard (actor)
• Chris Guzzi (actor)
• Jess Harnell (actor)
• David E. Harshbarger (actor)
• Perris Knight (actor)
• Doug Lacy (actor)
• Christian Leffler (actor)
• Bear McCreary (actor)
• Vinny Argiro (actor)

Genres

• Drama

Taglines:

They didn't change pop culture. They defined it.

Quotes:

Cher: [to Sonny] Please what? Please forgive you for screwing some secretary, all guys do that, right? What's the big deal, right? Right? By the way, you son of a bitch, I'm pregnant.

Sonny Bono: [narrating] Life was grey, music was technicolor.

Sonny Bono: [narrating] I only knew three chords on the piano, but with three chords I could write a song.

Cher: If I'm gonna stay here, we gotta get some things straight. You hum in the morning, I can't stand that.::Sonny Bono: [laughs] Why? I like to hum. It's a new day, I'm happy.::Cher: Well I'm not, It takes a lot to makes me happy and a new day doesn't do it.

Phil Spector: What do you think you can do for me, Sonny Bono?::Sonny Bono: Oh, anything, anything at all!::Phil Spector: Not in the anything business. I'm in the record business.

Phil Spector: That's gold, coming out of those speakers.

Cher: I can't do it! My throat is closed!::Sonny Bono: No it's not, you're talking.::Cher: No, for singing it's closed!

Cher: You don't even know him, he's a big record producer, he's doing things for me.::Georgia LaPierre: He can't even comb his own hair, what is he gonna to do for you?::Cher: He's gonna make me a star!::Georgia LaPierre: Oh, Cherilyn, you're such a baby!

Sonny Bono: [narrating] The wave we caught was a monster. My goal had always been succes. Cher's had been fame. Suddenly, overnight, we seemed to have both.

Sonny Bono: [narrating] I suppose every jerk who talks english thinks that he can write a screenplay. It was damn hard, let me tell ya.

Man on the Moon (1999)

Actors

• Max Alexander (actor)
• Thomas Armbruster (actor)
• David Aronson (actor)
• Scott Baldyga (actor)
• Bert F. Balsam (actor)
• Thomas Barney (actor)
• Gerry Becker (actor)
• Richard Belzer (actor)
• Hal Blaine (actor)
• Jani Blom (actor)
• Ray Bokhour (actor)
• Peter Bonerz (actor)
• Bobby Boriello (actor)
• Robert M. Bouffard (actor)
• Lance Alarcon (actor)

Genres

• Biography
• Comedy
• Drama

Taglines:

"Hello, my name is Andy and this is my poster."
Hello, my name is Andy and this is my DVD." [DVD release]
Hello, my name is Andy and this is my video." [video release]
"Hello, my name is Andy and this is my Bus" [Bus Poster]
"Hello, my name is Andy and this is my Banner" [Web Banner Ads]
"Hello, my name is Andy and this is my movie."
"Hello, my name is Andy and people are talking about me!"
"Hello, my name is Andy and this is my soundtrack." (sound track)
"Hello, my name is Andy and this is my website." (official site)

Quotes:

Andy Kaufman: You don't know the real me.::Lynne Margulies: There isn't a real you.::Andy Kaufman: Oh yeah, I forgot.

George Shapiro: You're insane, but you might also be brilliant.

Andy Kaufman: Since you've all been such good boys and girls, I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out for milk and cookies. There are buses outside. Everybody follow me.

Andy Kaufman: I am from Caspiar, an Island in the Caspian Sea. It sunk.

Tony Clifton: So... ya wanna see Andy? Anybody gotta flashlight and a couple of shovels?

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Kaufman, did you come here to wrestle or act like an ass?

[At a meeting with the NBC executives]::George Shapiro: Andy Kauffman is Tony Clifton. And Tony Clifton is Andy Kauffman. They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true!

Lynne Margulies: So, you just pretend to be an asshole.::Andy Kaufman: It's what I'm good at.

George Shapiro: Your material doesn't exactly transfer to film.

Andy Kaufman: I am sick of this shit, Lawler. I am gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you, I swear to God. Fuck you! Okay? Okay, Lawler? Fuck you! I'm sorry, Dave. I know I'm not supposed to use those words on television. I can't say those words. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But, you, you are a motherfucking, fucking asshole! Okay?

Private Parts (1997)

Actors

• Damian Bailey (actor)
• Steve Ballot (actor)
• Chris Barron (actor)
• Crackhead Bob (actor)
• John Michael Bolger (actor)
• Bobby Boriello (actor)
• Danna Bradley (actor)
• John Capo (actor)
• Kim Chan (actor)
• Lawrence Cioppa (actor)
• Wilson Cleveland (actor)
• Scott Cohen (actor)
• Joe Tom Collins (actor)
• Joseph Corredor (actor)
• Eric Attio (actor)

Genres

• Biography
• Comedy
• Drama

Taglines:

He turned on everyone who tuned in!
Never before has a man done so much with so little.
In the tradition of great rebels like George Washington, James Dean, Malcolm X, Abraham Lincoln and Lenny Bruce... One man is still revolting

Quotes:

Lawyer (Barry): Page 108, paragraph 3, No jokes involving flatulence, excretion, urination, ejaculation, or other bodily functions.::Lawyer (Jerry): Also, no use of the seven so-called seven dirty words. These are cocksucker, mother-fucker, fuck, shit, cunt, cock, and pussy.

Howard Stern: Lesbians equals ratings.

Ben Stern: I told you not to be stupid, you moron.

[on why Howard is playing himself in college instead of someone younger]::Howard Stern: I know I seem a little too old to be in College. But for this movie you've gotta suspend disbelief.

[after winning a student film competition]::Howard Stern: I tell you, nothing makes a woman hotter than to be with an award-winning filmmaker.

Howard Stern: We never went to ballgames. The only sport my dad liked was yelling.

Roger Erlick: Howard is on the FCC's Most Wanted List.

Howard Stern: After all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses is it not?

[after Howard called up Pig-Vomit's wife]::Pig Vomit: You're the anti-Christ. You know that, Stern? [shouts] You are the mother-fucking anti-Christ!

[after seeing Howard in his Fartman oufit]::Ozzy Osbourne: What a fucking jerk.

The Late Shift (1996)

Actors

• Ed Begley Jr. (actor)
• David Brisbin (actor)
• Michael Chieffo (actor)
• Paul Elder (actor)
• Michael Fairman (actor)
• John R. Fors (actor)
• John Getz (actor)
• Steven Gilborn (actor)
• Nicholas Guest (actor)
• John Michael Higgins (actor)
• Peter Jurasik (actor)
• Ivan Kane (actor)
• John Kapelos (actor)
• David S. Kaufman (actor)
• Bob Balaban (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Drama
• Talk-Show

Taglines:

Two heads fighting for the late night crown - One head's gotta roll.
Letterman, Leno and the battle over the Tonight Show.

Quotes:

David Letterman: [outside CBS Studios right before the press conference] Gentlemen, we are just going from one bizarre circumstance to the next.

Michael Ovitz: Peter, I know Dave's circumstances, and so I know why you're here. Dave is a star of such compelling stature that frankly it makes me personally angry he finds himself this abused. We pride ourselves here at CAA in developing a career plan for our clients that protects them as much as it enriches them. David has set such an incredibly high professional standard and yet he is going disturbingly unrewarded. That just doesn't make any sense; it's simply bad business practice. Obviously, we have an interest in establishing a business relationship with you Dave, and you Peter. Frankly, we have worked out a career plan for David, and it includes securing everything for Dave that he wants. EVERYTHING. Of course that means an 11:30 television show. Dave will be offered an 11:30 show, and he will be offered it by every network. The geometry of the deal will be far larger, the studios will be in, the syndicators, the full range of the entertainment industry. We shall frame a deal that will make you one of the giants. And if you give us the privilege of working with you, CAA will take care of everything your talents deserve, and our spirit desires.

David Letterman: [embarrassed] How can a television show be worth all this embarrassment?

Jay Leno: I may look stupid, but I'm Italian. I know how to find information!

Reporter #3: Are you gonna kick Jay Leno's ass?::David Letterman: I'll kick your ass.

David Letterman: Peter, take that stupid rug off your head. And Morty, straighten your tie. This isn't a tractor pull.

Reporter #2: Are you going to bring Paul Shaffer along on the new show?::David Letterman: [deadpan] Paul who? Oh, God! We forgot about Paul. Howard, is there just a little bit left over for Paul?

Eddie (1996)

Actors

• Cory Alexander (actor)
• Ben Bagby (actor)
• John D. Bair (actor)
• Gene Banks (actor)
• Daniel D. Bannister (actor)
• Joseph Anthony Battaglia (actor)
• John S. Battle (actor)
• Tyrone Bell (actor)
• Chris Berman (actor)
• Corie Blount (actor)
• Marc Blucas (actor)
• Tyrone Bogues (actor)
• T'Fani Bose (actor)
• Terrell Brandon (actor)
• Marv Albert (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Sport

Taglines:

The Newest Coach In The NBA Has Got The Knicks Right Where She Wants Them.

Quotes:

Coach John Bailey: (now as coach of the Charlotte Hornets) Hey, Zimmer, where's your coach - still in the ladies' room?::Carl Zimmer: I don't know where she is.::Coach John Bailey: Well, if she doesn't show up here pretty quick, you're going to have awfully big shoes to fill, even if they are high heels.::Carl Zimmer: Uh, John, I've been around for a lot of years. I learned from the best.::Coach John Bailey: Well, thanks, Carl. I appreciate that, really. Thank you.::Carl Zimmer: I wasn't talking about you.::Coach John Bailey: Chump.

Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You know ["Wild Bill"] takes a chance every time he comes riding out on that dumb old horse, not realizing that eventually somebody's going to hit him upside the head with a hot dog.

Referee: That's no basket! Charge! Knicks win!::Ivan Radovadovitch: Ivan take charge!::Coach John Bailey: (to referee) You cost us the game. You stink.

Patton's Mama: My baby is not gonnna go to St. Louis. Howdy, Bill!::"Wild Bill" Hastings: Why, howdy, ma'am.::Patton's Mama: (while hitting "Wild Bill") Game over! How dare you try to take my son away!

ESPN Radio Announcer: ESPN.::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Yeah, put me on with this clown.::ESPN Radio Announcer: (to Chris Berman) We've got a hot one on Line 4 - Eddie from Manhattan.::Himself: Eddie from Manhattan, you're on live with "Wild Bill" Burgess.::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Billy, you really want a mascot, baby? You need to put a saddle on Bailey and ride his behind around Central Park all night. That's what you need.::"Wild Bill" Burgess: Ha ha. Well, you know, if that would sell tickets, I might consider it, hon.::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Ha ha. Yeah, right, and don't call me "hon". (Eddie then realizes that "Wild Bill" is in her limousine.)

Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Bailey! Bailey! Bailey, you gonna try something new tonight, like trying to coach? It's the NBA, buddy - no buttheads allowed, but you keep coming back. I don't understand it.

Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You see the sign back there? It says John 3:16. That is not a biblical quote, baby. You know what that is? That's your sorry road record 'cause you're the anti-coach!

Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Do you have 666 on your head?::Coach John Bailey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Say, Eddie, come back again when you can afford the seats back here.::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Soon as you start winning, I'll be back.::Coach John Bailey: So long!::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Hey, Zimmer, get a life, get a face, get a new coat, buddy!

MSG Announcer: At forward, 6'9", Anthony "Pig" Miller!::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Boo!::Claudine: Why do they call him "Pig"?::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: 'Cause he's not kosher.

[after live fireworks set fire to Walt Frazier's retired jersey in the rafters of Madison Square Gardens]::Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: That was Walt Frazier's jersey!::Fair Weather Fan: That's Walt Frazier's jersey!::Walt Frazier: Hey, yo, that's my jersey!::"Wild Bill" Burgess: And that's just the beginning, folks. We got more surprises for you. And don't forget the honorary coach contest at halftime. Let's play some basketball.::Marv Albert: Say goodbye to tradition. "Wild Bill" Burgess has just torched Walt Frazier's jersey.::Coach John Bailey: A freak show. He's going to turn it into a freak show.

Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation (1992)

Actors

• Joe Alaskey (actor)
• Joe Alaskey (actor)
• Joe Alaskey (actor)
• Joe Alaskey (actor)
• Joe Alaskey (actor)
• Sorrell Booke (actor)
• Paul Julian (actor)
• Maurice LaMarche (actor)
• Maurice LaMarche (actor)
• Maurice LaMarche (actor)
• Maurice LaMarche (actor)
• Don Messick (actor)
• Don Messick (actor)
• Rob Paulsen (actor)
• Charles Adler (actor)

Genres

• Adventure
• Animation
• Comedy
• Drama
• Family

Quotes:

Plucky Duck: I'm gonna go on every ride 'til I barf twice!

Buster Bunny: Babs, grab the life saver!::Babs Bunny: Who can think of candy at a time like this?

[Byron the Basset Hound saves Babs and Buster by flying]::Buster Bunny: Hey, Byron can fly!::Babs Bunny: Who knew?

[after doing an obscenely loud sound demo prior to the movie]::THUD announcer: The audience is now deaf.

[after a long, toon-type, water battle]::Buster Bunny: I do this water thing to Babsy through the entire video.

[Buster is forced to marry Big Daddy Boo's daughters]::Buster Bunny: I can't marry all three of them, that's bigamy!::Big Daddy Boo: No, that's big o'me!

[Sitting at the drive-in with Hampton's family]::Plucky Duck: They bring their own food to the drive-in. I don't believe this family.

[Plucky just got ran over by Hampton's family]::Plucky Duck: I think the left front tire is a little low.

[Fowlmouth butted in the movie concession line and is deciding what snack to get]::Fowlmouth: Let's see, Goobers or Raisinets... Goobers or Raisinets... You got a reccommendation?::[Guy he butted throws him into theatre]::Fowlmouth: Guess I'll never know the eternal answer!

[Fowlmouth got "thrown" into the movie]::Actress: At this rate, we'll NEVER get to my scene!::Fowlmouth: Then the crowd should thank me, you no good dadgum excuse for a dadgum actress!

Letterman, David Filmography

• Mad As Hell
  2014, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Betty White's 2nd Annual 90th Birthday
  2013, role: actor , character name: Himself
• 1st Independent Video Film Festival of Youtube 2013
  2013, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Me at the Zoo
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Kennedy Center Honors
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself - Honoree
• The 53rd Annual Grammy Awards
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself - Presenter
• Corman's World: Exploits of a Hollywood Rebel
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Undefeated
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Bluegrass Diva
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The 2011 Comedy Awards
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• When Families Grieve
  2010, role: producer
• Cool It
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Battle for Late Night
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• I'm Still Here
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Concert for Autism Education
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Coming Home: Military Families Cope with Change
  2009, role: producer
• Buscando a Penélope
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• E! Investigates: Stalkers
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Outrage
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Families Stand Together: Feeling Secure in Tough Times
  2009, role: producer
• The Tragic Side of Comedy
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• TV One's Roast and Toast: John Witherspoon
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Youngest Candidate
  2008, role: producer
• Mike Douglas: Moments & Memories
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Price of Pleasure: Pornography, Sexuality & Relationships
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Cómo conseguir un papel en Hollywood
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Paris Hilton Inc.: The Selling of Celebrity
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Julia Roberts: An American Cinematheque Tribute
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Forbes Celebrity 100: Who Made Bank?
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Event for Autism Education
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Who Killed the Electric Car?
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The 78th Annual Academy Awards
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself, in opening segment [pre-recorded]
• Grizzly Man
  2005, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Strangers with Candy
  2005, role: producer
• Bill Hicks Live: Satirist, Social Critic, Stand-up Comedian
  2004, role: actor , character name: Himself
• When Stand-Up Comics Ruled the World
  2004, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Comedy Central Presents: 100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time
  2004, role: actor , character name: Himself - #15
• CBS at 75
  2003, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The New Face of Late Night TV
  2003, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: 10th Anniversary Special
  2003, role: actor , character name: Himself
• NBC 75th Anniversary Special
  2002, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Cranberries: Wake Up and Smell the Coffee
  2002, role: actor , character name: Himself
• 50 Years of NBC Late Night
  2001, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Man on the Moon
  1999, role: actor , character name: David Letterman
• The 50th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards
  1998, role: actor , character name: Outstanding Writing for a Variety or Music Program
• Bravo Profiles: The Entertainment Business
  1998, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Boyz in Tights
  1998, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Playboy: The Best of Jenny McCarthy
  1998, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Occasional Coarse Language
  1998, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Late Show with David Letterman 5th Anniversary Special
  1998, role: actor , character name: Himself

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• David Letterman - Ghost Of The Robot

Wouldn't it be nice, if I could be, David Letterman?
Wouldn't in be rad, if I could be, your favorite t.v. personality?
Wouldn't it be sweet, if I could laugh you to sleep,
five nights a week?
And I try as hard as I can,
but I could never be David Letterman...
I know he knows you look up to him,
but you don't visit his sleep,
I know I know this is what I missed, your eyes are just for me,
really can't see how we could be, I still put trust in fate,
it's something slow that I don't know so I say...
Wouldn't it be nice, if I could be, David Letterman?
Wouldn't in be rad, if I could be, your favorite t.v. personality?
Wouldn't it be sweet, if I could laugh you to sleep,
five nights a week?
And I try as hard as I can,