Someone to hold me too close.
Someone to hurt me too deep.
Someone to sit in my chair,
And ruin my sleep,
And make me aware,
Of being alive.
Being alive.
Somebody need me too much.
Somebody know me too well.
Somebody pull me up short,
And put me through hell,
And give me support,
For being alive.
Make me alive.
Make me alive.
Make me confused.
Mock me with praise.
Let me be used.
Vary my days.
But alone,
Is alone,
Not alive.
Somebody crowd me with love.
Somebody force me to care.
Somebody let me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive,
Being alive.
Being alive.
(RADIO ANNOUNCER)
That was President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt,
ladies and gentlemen, speaking to a crowd
of supporters here in Miami's beautiful Bayfront Park.
A group of notables are pressing in around
the President-elect's car.
There's Mayor Anton Cermak of Chicago, and-
There's been a shot! I can't see-wait!
Mr. Roosevelt is waving! He's all right!
But Mayor Cermak has been hit!
The police have somebody in custody. An immigrant.
Giuseppe Zangara.
We take you now to a group of eyewitnesses
who will tell us what they saw!
(BYSTANDER #1)
We're crowded up close,
And I see this guy,
He's squeezing by,
I catch his eye,
I say to him, "Where do you
Think you are trying to go, boy?
Whoa, boy!"
I say, "Listen, you runt,
You're not pulling that stunt,
No gentleman pushes his way to the front."
I say, "Move to the back!", which he does
with a grunt-
Which is how I saved Roosevelt!
(BYSTANDER #2)
Then-
Well, I'm in my seat,
I get up to clap,
I feel this tap,
I turn-this sap,
He says he can't see,
I say, "Find a lap
And go sit on it!"
Which is how I saved-
(BYSTANDER #3)
Then-
He started to swear
And he climbed on a chair,
He was aiming a gun-I was standing right there-
So I pushed it as hard as I could in the air,
Which is how I saved Roosevelt!
(ALL THREE)
Lucky I was there-
(BYSTANDER #1)
That's why he was standing back so far-!
(BYSTANDER #3)
That's why when he aimed, He missed the car-!
(ALL THREE)
Just lucky I was there,
Or we'd have been left
Bereft of F.D.R.!
(ZANGARA)
You think that I scare?
No scare.
You think that I care?
No care.
I look at the world-
No good. No fair. Nowhere.
When I am boy,
No school.
I work in a ditch,
No chance.
The smart and the rich
Ride by,
Don't give no glance.
Ever since then, because of them,
I have the sickness in the stomach,
Which is the way I make my idea
To go out and kill Roosevelt.
First I was figure I kill Hoover,
I get even for the Stomach.
Only Hoover up in Washington.
Is wintertime in Washington,
Too cold for the stomach in Washington-
I go down to Miami Kill Roosevelt.
No laugh!
No funny!
Men with the money,
they control everything.
Roosevelt, Hoover-
No make no difference.
You think I care who I kill?
I no care who I kill,
Long as it's King!
(BYSTANDER #4 (MAN)
The crowd's breaking up
And I hear these shots,
And I mean lots-
(BYSTANDER #5 (HIS WIFE)
I thought I'd plotz-
(MAN)
I spotted hi-
(WIFE)
My stomach was tied in knots-
(MAN)
So I barrelled-
(WIFE)
Harold-!
No, happened was this:
He was blowing a kiss-
(MAN)
She means Roosevelt-
(WIFE)
I was saying to Harold, "This weather is bliss!"
(MAN)
When you think that we might have missed seeing
Him miss-!
(BOTH)
Lucky we were there!
(WIFE)
It was a historical event-!
(MAN)
Worth every penny that we spent!
(BYSTANDERS)
Just lucky we were there!
(BYSTANDER #1)
To think, if I let him get up closer-!
(BYSTANDER #3)
I saw right away he was insane
Oh, this is my husband, we're from Maine-
(BYSTANDER #2)
He told me to sit, but I said, "No, Sir!"
(BYSTANDER #4)
This makes our vacation a real success!
(BYSTANDER #5)
Are you with the press?
(PHOTOGRAPHER)
Yes.
(BYSTANDER #5)
Oh God, I'm a mess...
(BYSTANDER #1)
Some left wing foreigner, that's my guess-
(ZANGARA)
No left!
You think I am left?
No left, no right,
No anything!
Only American!
Zangara have nothing,
No luck, no girl,
Zangara no smart, no school,
But Zangara no foreign tool,
Zangara American!
American nothing!
And why there no photographers?
For Zangara no photographers!
Only capitalists get photographers!
(BYSTANDERS)
Right!
Lucky
No fair
I was there!
Nowhere!
So what?
I'm on the front page-
Is that bizarre?
No sorry!
And all of those pictures,
Like a star!
And soon no
Just lucky I was there!
Zangara!
We might have been left
Who care?
Bereft of F.
Pull switch!
No care,
No more,
MRS. LOVETT:
(she kisses Todd)
Ooh, Mr. Todd! (kiss)
I'm so happy! (kiss)
I could (kiss)
Eat you up, I really could!
You know what I'd like to do, Mr. Todd? (kiss)
What I dream (kiss)
If the business stays as good?
Where I'd really like to go,
In a year or so?
Don't you want to know?
TODD: (spoken) Yes, yes, of course.
LOVETT: Do you really want to know?
TODD: (spoken) Yes, I do, I do.
LOVETT: (spoken) I've always had this dream...
Ever since I was a skinny little slip of a thing and my rich Aunt
Nettie used to take me down to the seaside August Bank Holiday...
The pier... Makin' little castles in the sand...
Ooh, I can still feel me toes wigglin' around in the briney!
By the sea, Mr. Todd, that's the life I covet,
By the sea, Mr. Todd, ooh, I know you'd love it!
You and me, Mr. T, we could be alone
In a house wot we'd almost own,
Down by the sea!
Wouldn't that be smashing?
TODD: Anything you say...
LOVETT:
With the sea at our gate, we'll have kippered herring
Wot have swum to us straight from the Straits of Bering!
Ev'ry night, in the kip, when we're through our kippers,
I'll be there slippin' off your slippers!
By the sea,
With the fishies splashing!
By the sea!
Wouldn't that be smashing?
TODD: Anything you say, anything you say...
LOVETT:
I can hear us wakin,'
The breakers breakin,'
The seagulls squawkin,'
'Hoo, hoo!'
I do me bakin,'
Then I go walkin'
With you-hoo!
Yoo-hoo!
I'll warm me bones on the esplanade,
Have tea and scones with me gay young blade,
Then I'll knit a sweater
While you write a letter
Unless we've got better to do-hoo!
TODD: Anything you say...
LOVETT:
Think how snug it'll be underneath our flannel
When it's just you and me and the English Channel!
In our cozy retreat kept all neat and tidy,
We'll have chums over ev'ry Friday!
By the sea!
Don'tcha love the weather?
By the sea!
We'll grow old together!
By the seaside,
Hoo, hoo!
By the beautiful sea!
(spoken)
Oh, I can see us now, in our bathing dresses!
You in a nice, rich navy, and me... stripes, perhaps.
It'll be so quiet,
That who'll come by it,
Except a seagull
Hoo, hoo!
We shouldn't try it,
Though, 'til it's legal for two-hoo!
But a seaside wedding could be devised,
Me rumpled bedding legitimized!
Me eyelids'll flutter,
I'll turn into butter,
The moment I mutter I do-hoo!
By the sea, in our nest, we could share our kippers
With the odd payin' guest from the weekend trippers,
Have a nice sunny suite for the guest to rest in,
Now and then, you could do the guest in!
By the sea,
Married nice and proper!
By the sea,
Bring along your chopper!
To the seaside,
Hoo, hoo!
DOMINA
For over thirty years,
I've cried myself to sleep,
Assailed by doubts and fears
So great the gods themselves would weep!
The moment I am gone,
I wonder where he'll go.
In all your simple honesty,
You can't begin to know,
Ohhhh . . .
I want him,
I need him.
Where is he?
That dirty old man is here somewhere,
Cavorting with someone young and fair,
Disporting in every shameless whim,
Just wait till I get my hands on him!
I'll hold him,
Enfold him.
Where is he?
That dirty old man,
Where can he be?
Profaning our vows for all to see,
Complaining how he's misunderstood,
Abusing me (if he only would!)
Oh, Love,
Sweet love,
Why hide?
You vermin, you worm, you villain!
Come face,
Embrace
Your bride!
Wherever he is, I know he's still an angel,
My angel,
Where is he,
That dirty old man divine?
I love him,
I love him,
That lecherous, lewd, lascivious, loathsome, lying,
lazy,
[[George]] Order. Design. Composition. Tone. Form. Symmetry. Balance.
More red... And a little more red... Blue blue blue blue Blue blue blue blue Even even... Good... Bumbum bum bumbumbum Bumbum bum... More red... More blue... More beer... More light! Color and light. There's only color and light. Yellow and white. Just blue and yellow and white. Look at the air, miss- See whet I mean? No, look over there, miss- That's done with green... Conjoined with orange...
[[Dot]] Nothing seems to fit me right. The less I wear, the more comfortable I feel. More rouge... George is very special. Maybe I'm just not special enough for him. If my legs were longer. It my bust was smaller. It my hands were graceful. If my waist was thinner. If my hips were flatter. If my voice was warm. If I could concentrate-
I'd be in the Follies. I'd be in a cabaret. Gentlemen in tall silk hats And linen spats Would wait with flowers. I could make them wait for hours. Giddy young aristocrats With fancy flats Would drink my health, And I would be as Hard as nails... And they'd only want me more...
If I was a folly girl. Nah, I wouldn't like it much. Married men and stupid boys And too much smoke end all that noise And all that color and light...
[[George]] Aren't you proper today, miss? Your parasol so properly cocked, your bustle so perfectly upright. And you sir. Your hat so black. So black to you, perhaps. So red to me.
[[Dot]] None of the others worked at night...
[[George]] So composed for a Sunday.
[[Dot]] How do you work without the right White Light? How do you fathom George?
[[George]] Red red red red Red red orange Red red orange Orange pick up blue Pick up red Pick up orange From the blue-green blue-green Blue-green circle On the violet diagonal Di-ag-ag-ag-ag-ag-o-nal-nal Yellow comma yellow comma Numnum num numnumnum Numnum num... Blue blue blue blue Blue still sitting Red that perfume Blue all night Blue-green the window shut Dut dut dut Dot Dot sitting Dot Dot waiting Dot Dot getting fat fat fat More yellow Dot Dot waiting to go Out out out No no no George Finish the hat finish the hat Have to finish the hat first Hat hat hat hat Hot hot hot it's hot in here... Sunday! Color and light!
[[Dot]] But how George looks. He could look forever.
[[George]] There's only color and light.
[[Dot]] As if he sees you and he doesn't all at once.
[[George]] Purple and white...
[[Dot]] What is he thinking when he looks like that?
[[George]] And red and purple and white.
[[Dot]] What does he see? Sometimes, not even blinking.
[[George]] Look at this glade, girls, Your cool blue spot.
[[Dot]] His eyes. So dark and shiny.
[[George]] No, stay in the shade, girls. It's getting hot...
[[Dot]] Some think cold and black.
[[George]] It's getting orange...
[[Dot]] But it's warm inside his eyes...
[[George]] Hotter..
[[Dot]] And it's soft inside his eyes... And he burns you with his eyes...
[[George]] Look at her looking.
[[Dot]] And you're studied like the light.
[[George]] Forever with that mirror. What does she see?
[[Dot]] And you look inside the eyes.
[[George]] The pink lips, the red cheeks...
[[Dot]] And you catch him here and there.
[[George]] The wide eyes. Studying the round face, the tiny pout...
[[Dot]] But he's never really there.
[[George]] Seeing all the parts and none of the whole.
[[Dot]] You want him even more.
[[George]] But the way she catches light...
[[Dot]] And you drown inside his eyes...
[[George]] And the color of her hair...
BAKER (To Jack)
It's because of you there's a Giant in our midst
and my Wife is dead!
JACK
But it isn't my fault,
I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away
My cow for beans!
And without those beans
There'd have been no stalk
To get up to the Giants
In the first place!
BAKER
Wait a minute, magic beans
For a cow so old
That you had to tell
A lie to sell
It, which you told!
Were they worthless beans?
Were they oversold?
Oh, and tell us who
Persuaded you
To steal that gold.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Jack)
See, it's your fault.
JACK
BAKER
So it's you fault...
JACK
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Yes, it is!
JACK
It's not!
BAKER
It's true.
JACK
Wait a minute-
But I only stole the gold
To get my
Cow back from you!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Baker)
So it's your fault!
JACK
Yes!
BAKER
No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans,
But our house was cursed.
She made us get the cow to get
The curse reversed!
WITCH
It's you father's fault
That the curse got placed
And the place got cursed
In the first place!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Then it's his fault!
WITCH
CINDERELLA
It was his fault...
JACK
BAKER
Yes, it is,
It's his.
CINDERELLA
I guess...
JACK
Wait a minute, though-
I chopped down the beanstalk-
Right? That's clear.
But without any beanstalk,
Then what's queer
Is how did the second Giant get down here
In the first place?
Second place...
CINDERELLA
Yes!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
How?
BAKER
Hmmm...
JACK
Well,
Who had the other bean?
BAKER
The other bean?
CINDERELLA
The other bean?
JACK (To Baker)
You pocketed the other bean.
BAKER
I didn't!
Yes I did.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's your-!
BAKER
No, it isn't,
'Cause I gave it to my Wife!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's her-!
BAKER
No, it isn't!
CINDERELLA
Then whose is it?
BAKER (To Cinderella)
Wait a minute!
She exchanged that bean
To ontain your shoe,
So the one who knows what happened
To that bean is you!
CINDERELLA
You mean that old bean-
That your Wife-? Oh, dear-
But I nvere knew,
And so I threw-
Well, don't look here!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's your fault!
CINDERELLA
But-
JACK
See, it's her fault-
CINDERELLA
But-
JACK
And it isn't mine at all!
BAKER (To Cinderella)
But what?
CINDERELLA (To Jack)
Well, if you hadn't gone
Back up again-
JACK
We were needy-
CINDERELLA
You were greedy!
Did you need that hen?
JACK
But I got it for my Mother-!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
So it's her fault then!
CINDERELLA
Yes? And what the harp
In the third place?
BAKER
Ther harp- yes!
JACK
She went and dared me to!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
I dared you to?
JACK
You dared me to!
She said t hat I was scared-
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
JACK
She dared me!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
No, I didn't!
BAKER, CINDERELLA, JACK
So it's your fault!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Wait a minute-!
CINDERELLA
If you hadn't dared him to-
BAKER (To Jack)
And you had left the harp alone,
We wouldn't b ein trouble
In the first place!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)
Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean
In the first place-!
CINDERELLA
Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place-!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)
It was your fault!
JACK (To Witch)
Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place-!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & BAKER (To Witch)
Right! It's you raised them in the first place-!
CINDERELLA
You raised the beans in the first place!
JACK
It's you fault!
CINDERELLA, JACK, BAKER, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
You're responsible!
You're the one to blame!
It's your fault!
WITCH
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!
It's the last midnight.
It's the last wish.
It's the last midnight,
Soon it will be boom-
Squish!
Told a little lie,
Stole a little golde,
Broke a little vow,
Did you?
Had to get your Prince,
Has to get your cow,
Have to get your wish,
Doesn't matter how-
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
It's the last midnight,
It's the boom-
Splat!
Nothing but a vast midnight.
Everybody smashed flat!
Nothing we can do.
Not exactly true:
We can always give her the boy...
No, of course what really matters
Is the blame,
Somebody to blame.
Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy,
Placing the blame,
If that's the aim,
Give me the blame-
Just give me the boy.
THE OTHERS
WITCH
You're so nice.
You're not good,
You're not bad,
You're just nice.
I'm not good,
I'm not nice,
I'm just right.
I'm the Witch.
You're the world.
I'm the hitch.
I'm what no one believes,
I'm the Witch.
You're all liars and theives,
Like his father,
Like his son will be, too-
Oh, why bother?
You'll just do what you do.
It's the last midnight,
So, goodbye all.
Coming at you fast, midight-
Soon you'll see the sky fall.
Here, you want a bean?
Have another bean.
Beans were made for making you rich!
Plant them and they soar-
Here, you want some more?
Listen to the roar...
Giants by the score-!
Oh well, you can blame another witch.
It's the last midnight.
It's the last verse.
Now, before it's past midnight,
I'm leaving you my last curse:
I'm leaving yo alone.
You can tend the garden, it's yours.
Separate and alone,
Everybody down on all fours.
All right, mother, when?
Lost the beans again!
Punish me the way you did then!
Give me claws and a hunch,
Just away from this bunch
And the gloom
And the doom
And the boom
BEADLE:
Sweet Polly Plunkett lay in the grass,
Turned her eyes heavenward, sighing,
"I am a lass who alas loves a lad
Who alas has a lass in Canterbury.
'Tis a row dow diddle dow day,
'Tis a row dow diddle dow dee ..."
MRS. LOVETT: Oh, beadle Bamford, I didn't know you were
a music lover, too.
BEADLE: Good afternoon, Mrs. Lovett. Fine instrument
you've acquired.
MRS. LOVETT: Oh yes, it's my pride and joy.
BEADLE:
Sweet Polly Plunkett saw her life pass,
Flew down the city road, crying,
"I am a lass who alas loves a lad
Who alas has a lass loves another lad
Who once I had
In Canterbury.
'Tis a row dow diddle dow day,
'Tis a row dow diddle dow dee ..."
Well, ma'am, I hope you have a few moments, you see
there's been complaints.
MRS LOVETT: Complaints?
BEADLE: It's about the stink from your chimney.
Just a routine inspection of course. : Ah, one of
mother's favorites . ..
If one bell rings in the Tower of Bray,
Ding dong, your true love will stay.
Ding dong, one bell today
In the Tower of Bray...
Ding dong!
Anyway Ma'am, health regulations being my duty,
I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to take a look.
MRS LOVETT: At the bakehouse?
BEALDE: That's right, Ma'am.
MRS LOVETT: Oh, but it's locked you see, and I don't
have the key.
Mr. Todd, he's got the key, and he's not here right
now.
BEADLE: When will he be back?
MRS LOVETT: Well i couldn't say, im sure.
BEADLE: Well we'll just have to wait for him, won't we?
But if two bells ring in the Tower of Bray,
Ding dong, ding dong, your true love will stray.
Ding dong —
TOBIAS: Ding dong! Two bells today in the Tower of
Bray.
Ding dong, ding dong...
BEADLE: What's that?
MRS LOVETT: Oh. oh that's just the lad what helps me
with the pies.
BEADLE: Well surley he's in the bakehouse, well isn't
MRS LOVETT: Oh yes, yes, oh yes of course!
But you see, last week he run off and we found him 2
days later down by the
embankment half-starved, poor thing.
So ever since then, we locks him in for his own
security.
Oh! do have a try at the third bell, it always touches
my heart.
BEADLE: If three bells ring in the Tower of Bray...
Since you're a fellow music lover, ma'am,
why not raise your voice along with mine?
MRS. LOVETT: All right.
BEADLE:Ding dong!
MRS LOVETT: Ding dong!
BEALDE: Ding dong!
BOTH: Your loves gone away
BEADLE: Ding dong!
MRS LOVETT: Ding dong!
BEADLE and TOBIAS: Ding dong!
BEADLE: Three bells today!
BOTH: In the Tower of Bray.
BEADLE and TOBIAS: Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong...
BEADLE: If four bells ring in Tower of
MRS. LOVETT: How many bells are there?
BEADLE: Twelve.
Ding dong!
MRS. LOVETT:Ding dong!
TOBIAS:Ding dong!
BEADLE:Ding dong!
BEADLE, MRS. LOVETT and TOBIAS:
Then lovers must pray! ...
BEADLE: Ding dong!
MRS LOVETT: Ding dong!
TOBIAS: Ding dong!
BEADLE: Ding dong!
BEADLE and TOBIAS: Four bells today, in the Tower of
Bray.
ALL: Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong
Alms Alms
Beggar Woman
Alms, alms for a miserable woman!
On a miserable chilly morning
Thank ya, sir thank ya
Antony (spoken)
Mam, could you tell me who's house this is?
Beggar Woman (spoken)
That? That's the great Judge Turpin's house, that is.
Antony (spoken)
And the young lady who resides there?
Beggar Woman (spoken)
Oh her? That' Johanna, his pretty little ward...
Keeps her snug he does. All locked up.
So don't you go trespassin' there or it's a good whipping for you
or any other young man with mischief on his mind!
(sung)
How would ya like a little muff dear
A little jig jig. A little bounce around the bush.
Wouldja like to push me parsley? It looks to me dear that you got plenty there to push.
How do you say to your child in the night?
Nothing's all black, but then nothing's all white
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it might not be true?
What do you do?
Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
Co learn what to be
Careful before you say "Listen to me"
Children will listen
Careful the wish you make
Wishes are children
Careful the path they take
Wishes come true, not free
Careful the spell you cast
Not just on children
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you
Careful the tale you tell
That is the spell
Children will listen
How can you say to a child who's in flight
"Don't slip away and i won't hold so tight"
What can you say that no matter how slight Won't be
misunderstood
What do you leave to your child when you're dead?
Only whatever you put in it's head
Things that you're mother and father had said
Which were left to them too
Careful what you say
Children will listen
Careful you do it too
Children will see
And learn, oh guide them that step away
Children will glisten
Tample with what is true
And children will turn
If just to be free
Careful before you say
"Listen to me"
MARTA: Another hundred people just got off of the train,
And came up through the ground,
While another hundred people just got off of the bus,
And are looking around
At another hundred people who got off of the plane,
And are looking at us,
Who got off of the train,
And the plane, and the bus,
Maybe yesterday.
It's a city of strangers
Some come to work, some to play
A city of strangers
Some come to stare, some to stay
And every day
The ones who stay
Can find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks
By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks
And they walk together past the postered walls with the crude remarks
And they meet at parties through the friends-of-friends, who they never know
"Will you pick me up, or do I meet you there, or shall we let it go?
Did you get my message? 'Cause I looked in vain
Can we see each other Tuesday if it doesn't rain?
Look, I'll call you in the morning, or my service'll explain."
And another hundred people just got off of the train.
It's a city of strangers
Some come to work, some to play
A city of strangers
Some come to stare, some to stay
And every day
Some go away...
Or they find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks
By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks
And they walk together past the postered walls with the crude remarks
And they meet at parties through the friends-of-friends, who they never know
"Will you pick me up, or do I meet you there, or shall we let it go?
Did you get my message? 'Cause I looked in vain
Can we see each other Tuesday if it doesn't rain?
Look, I'll call you in the morning, or my service'll explain."
And another hundred people just got off of the train.
And another hundred people just got off of the train.
And another hundred people just got off of the train.
And another hundred people just got off of the train.
I'm just a Broadway Baby,
Walking off my tired feet,
Pounding Forty Second Street
To be in a show.
Broadway Baby,
Learning how to sing and dance,
Waiting for that one big chance
To be in a show.
Gee, I'd like to be on some marquee,
All twinkling lights,
A spark to pierce the dark
From Batt'ry Park to Washington Heights.
Some day maybe,
All my dreams will be repaid.
I can get to strut my stuff,
Working for a nice man
Like a Ziegfeld or a Weissman
In a big-time Broadway show!
Heck, I'd even play the maid
To be in a show.
Say, Mister producer,
Some girls get the breaks.
Just give me my cue, sir.
I've got what it takes.
Say, Mister Producer,
I'm talkin' to you, sir.
I don't need a lot,
Only what I got,
Plus a tube of greasepaint and a follow spot!
I'm a Broadway Baby,
Slaving at the five and ten,
Dreaming of the great day
When I'll be in a show.
Broadway Baby,
Making rounds all afternoon,
Eating at a greasy spoon
To save on my dough.
At my tiny flat there's just my cat,
A bed and a chair.
Still I'll stick it till
I'm on a bill all over Times Square.
Some day maybe,
If I stick it long enough,
I can get to strut my stuff,
Work-ing for a nice man
Like a Ziegfeld or a Weissman
In a big-time
(GUITEAU)
I am going to the Lordy,
I am so glad.
I am going to the Lordy,
I am so glad.
I am going to the Lordy,
Glory Hallelujah!
Glory Hallelujah!
I am going to the Lordy...
(BALLADEER)
Come all ye Christians,
And hear from sinner:
Charlie Guiteau.
Bound and determined
He'd wind up a winner,
Charlie had dreams
That he wouldn't let go.
Said, "Nothing to it,
I want it, I'll do it,
I'm Charles J. Guiteau."
Charlie Guiteau
Never said "Never"
Or heard the word "No."
Faced with disaster,
His heart would beat faster,
His smile would just grow,
And he'd say:
(GUITEAU)
Look on the bright side,
Look on the bright side,
Sit on the right side
Of the lord.
This is the land of
Opportunity,
He is your lightning,
You his sword.
Wait till you see tomorrow,
Tomorrow you'll get you reward!
You can be sad
Or you can be President-
Look on the bright side...
I am going to the Lordy...
(BALLADEER)
Charlie Guiteau
Drew a crowd to his trial,
Led them in prayer,
Said, "I killed Garfield,
I'll make no denial.
I was just acting
for someone up there.
The Lord's my employer,
And now He's my lawyer,
So do what you dare."
Charlie said, "Hell,
If I am guilty,
Then God is as well."
But God was aquitted
And Charlie committed
Until he should hang.
Still, he sang:
(GUITEAU)
Look on the bright side,
Not on the black side.
Get off your backside,
Shine those shoes!
This is you golden
Opportunity:
You are the lightning
And you're news!
Wait till you see tomorrow,
Tomorrow you won't be ignored!
You could be pardoned,
You could be President-
Look on the bright side...
I am going to the Lordy...
(BALLADEER)
Charlie Guiteau
Had a crowd at the scaffold-
(GUITEAU)
I am so glad...
(BALLADEER)
-Filled up the square,
Som many people
That tickets were raffled.
Shine on his shoes
Charlie mounted the stair,
Said, "Never sorrow,
Just wait till tomorrow,
Today isn't fair.
Don't despair..."
(GUITEAU)
Look on the bright side,
Look on the bright side,
Sit on the right side...
Of the...
I am going to the Lordy,
I am so glad!
I am going to the Lordy,
I am so glad!
I have unified my party,
I have saved my country.
I shall be remembered!
I am going to the Lordy...
(BALLADEER)
Look on the bright side,
Not on the sad side,
Inside the bad side
Something's good!
This is you golden
Opportunity:
You've been a preacher-
(GUITEAU)
Yes, I have!
(BALLADEER)
You've been an author-
(GUITEAU)
Yes, I have!
(BALLADEER)
You've been a killer-
(GUITEAU)
Yes, I have!
(BALLADEER)
You could be an angel-
(GUITEAU)
Yes, I could!
(BALLADEER)
Just wait until tomorrow,
Tomorrow they'll all climb aboard!
What if you never
Got to be President?
You'll be remembered-
Look on the bright side-
Trust in tomorrow-
(BOTH)
Nothing's gonna harm you
Not while I'm around
Nothing's gonna harm you
No sir, not while I'm around
Demons are prowling everywhere
Nowadays
I'll send 'em howling I don't care
I've got ways
No one's gonna hurt you
No one's gonna dare
Others can desert you
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there
Demons'll charm you with a smile
For a while
But in time
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around
Being close and being clever
Ain't like being true
I don't need to
I would never hide a thing from you
Like some
No one's gonna hurt you
No one's gonna dare
Others can desert you
Not to worry, whistle I'll be there
Demons'll charm you with a smile
For a while
But in time
Nothin' can harm you
TODD:
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And it's morals aren't worth what a pig could spit
And it goes by the name of London...
There was a barber and his wife,
And she was beautiful.
A foolish barber and his wife.
She was his reason and his life,
And she was beautiful,
And she was virtuous,
And he was... naive.
There was another man who saw
That she was beautiful.
A pious vulture of the law,
Who, with a gesture of his claw,
Removed the barber from his plate,
Then there was nothing but to wait,
And she would fall,
So soft,
So young,
So lost
And oh so beautiful!
ANTHONY: And the lady, sir, did she succumb?
TODD:
Oh, that was many years ago...
I doubt if anyone would know...
(dialogue)
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
WITCH
This is the world I meant.
Couldn't you listen?
Couldn't you stay content,
Safe behind walls,
As I
Could not?
Now you know what's out there in the world.
No one can prepare you for the world,
Even I.
How could I, who loved you as you were?
How could I have shielded you from her
Or them...
No matter what you say,
Children won't listen.
No matter what you know,
Children refuse
To learn.
Guide them along the way,
Still they won't listen.
Children can only grow
From something you love
These are my friends
See how they glisten
See this one shine
How he smiles
In the light
My friend!
My faithful friend!
Speak to me, friend
Whisper, I'll listen
I know, I know
You've been locked
Out of sight
All these years!
Like me, my friend!
Well, I've come home
To find you waiting
Home
And we're together
And we'll do wonders
Won't we?
You there, my friend
I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd
Come, let me hold you
Lovett: If you only knew, Mr. Todd
Now, with a sigh
Ooh, Mr. Todd!
You grow warm in my hand
You're warm in my hand
My friend!
You've come home!
My clever friend!
Always had a fondness for you, I did
Rest now, my friend
Never you fear, Mr. Todd
Soon I'll unfold you
You can move in here, Mr. Todd
Soon you'll know
Will be yours!
My lucky friend!
I'm your friend! And you're mine!
Till now your shine
Don't they shine beautiful?
Was merely silver!
Silver's good enough for me, Mr. T
Friend
You shall drip rubies
You'll soon drip precious
Rubies
JOANNE: It's the little things you do together,
Do together,
Do together
That make perfect relationships.
The hobbies you pursue together,
Savings you accrue together,
Looks you misconstrue together
That make marriage a joy.
Mmhmm...
It's the little things you share together,
Swear together,
Wear together
That make perfect relationships.
The concerts you enjoy together,
Neighbors you annoy together,
Children you destroy together
That keep marriage intact.
It's not so hard to be married
When two maneuver as one.
It's not so hard to be married,
And Jesus Christ, is it fun.
It's sharing little winks together,
Drinks together,
Kinks together
That make marriage a joy.
The bargains that you shop together,
Cigarettes you stop together,
Clothing that you swap together
That make perfect relationships.
Uh huh
Mmhmm...
FRIENDS: It's not talk of God and the decade ahead that
Allows you to get through the worst.
It's, "I do," and, "You don't," and, "Nobody said that,"
And, "Who brought the subject up first?"
It's the little things...
The little things, the little things, the little things.
The little ways you try together,
Cry together,
Lie together
That make perfect relationships.
Becoming a cliche together,
Growing old and gray together
JOANNE: Withering away together
FRIENDS: That make marriage a joy.
HUSBANDS: It's not so hard to be married
WIVES: It's much the simplest of crimes
HUSBANDS: It's not so hard to be married
JOANNE: I've done it three or four times.
JENNY: It's people that you hate together
AMY & PAUL: Bait together
PETER & SUSAN: Date together
FRIENDS: That make marriage a joy.
DAVID: It's things like using force together
LARRY: Shouting till you're hoarse together
JOANNE: Getting a divorce together
FRIENDS: That make perfect relationships.
Uh huh
Kiss kiss
(NARRATOR
Once upon a time later)
CINDERELLA
I wish...
(In that same far-off kingdom)
More than anything...
(Lived a young princess,)
More than life...
(The lad Jack,)
More than footmen...
JACK
I wish...
(And the Baker with his family)
BABY
Waaah!
JACK
No, I miss...
CINDERELLA & BAKER
I wish...
BABY
Waaah!
JACK
More then anything...
CINDERELLA, JACK, BAKER
More than the moon...
BAKER'S WIFE
There, there...
CINDERELLA
I wish to sponsor a Festival
BABY
Waaah!
BAKER
More then life...
JACK
I miss...
CINDERELLA
The time has come for a Festival...
BABY
Waaah!
BAKER'S WIFE
Shh...
BAKER
More than riches...
CINDERELLA
And a ball...
JACK
I miss my kingdom up in the sky
CINDERELLA & BAKER
More than anything...
BAKER'S WIFE
I wish we had more room...
BAKER
Another room...
NARRATOR
But despite some minor inconveniences,
they were all quite content...
CINDERELLA
I never thought I'd wed a Prince...
CINDERELLA's PRINCE
I never thought I'd find perfection...
BOTH
I never thought I would be so happy!
CINDERELLA
Not an unhappy moment since...
JACK & MOTHER
I didn't think we'd be this rich...
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Not a conceivable objection...
BAKER & WIFE
I never thought we'd have a baby...
CINDERELLA, PRINCE, JACK, MOTHER
I didn't know I could be so happy!
BAKER & WIFE
I'm so happy!
STEPMOTHER
Happy now,
Happy hence,
Happy ever after-
FLORINDA, LUCINDA, STEPMOTHER
We're so happy you're so happy!
Just as long as you stay happy,
We'll stay happy!...
CINDERELLA & PRINCE
Not one row...
JACK'S MOTHER
Pots of pence...
JACK
With my cow...
BAKER & WIFE
Little gurgles....
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Darling, I must go now...
JACK'S MOTHER
We should really sell it
BAKER
Where's he cheesecloth?
ALL (except Baker)
Wishes may bring problems,
Such that you regret them.
Better that, though,
Than to never get them...
CINDERELLA
I'm going to be a perfect wife!
JACK
I'm going to be a perfect son!
BAKER'S WIFE & JACK'S MOTHER
I'm going to be a perfect mother!
BAKER
I'm going to be a perfect father!
I'm so happy!
CINDERELLA, JACK, MOTHER, BAKER'S WIFE
I'm going to see that he/she
Is so happy!
I never though I'd love my life!
I would have settled for another!
CINDERELLA
Then to become a wife...
JACK & MOTHER
Then to be ste for life...
BAKER & WIFE
Then to beget a child...
That fortune smiled...
I'm so hap-!
(A loud rumbling noise is followed by an
enormous crash. The Baler's house caves in.
He is caught underneath the rubble as
his Wife runs forward with their baby.
The Witch enters.)
BAKER
Have you done this to our house?
WITCH
Always thinking of yourself! Look at my garden.
BAKER
Destroyed!
BAKER's WIFE
Who could do such a thing?
BAKER
Do you think it was a bear?
WITCH
A bear? Bears are sweet.
Besides, you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?
BAKER'S WIFE
Dragon?
WITCH
No scorch marks,
Usually they're linked
BAKER
Manticore?
WITCH
Imaginary
BAKER & WIFE
Griffin?
WITCH
Extinct
BAKER
Giant?
WITCH
Possible.
Very, very, possible...
NARRATOR
More than possible. Their fears would
prove to be well founded.
BAKER
Into the woods,
It's always when
You think at last
You're through, and then
Into the woods you go again
To take another journey
BAKER'S WIFE
Into the woods,
The weather's clear,
We've been before,
We've naught to fear...
Into the woods, away from here-
JACK
Into the woods to find a giant-!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Into the woods to Grandmother's house...
BAKER
Into the woods,
The path is straight,
No reason then
To hesitate-
BAKER'S WIFE
Into the woods,
It's not to late,
It's just another journey...
CINDERELLA
Into the woodsm
But not too long:
The skies are strange,
The winds are strong.
Into the woods to see what's wrong...
JACK
Into the woods-
To slay the giant!
BAKER'S WIFE
Into the woods-
To shield the child...
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
To flee the winds...
BAKER
To find a future...
BAKER'S WIFE
To shield...
JACK
To slay...
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
To flee...
BAKER
To find...
CINDERELLA
To fix...
BAKER'S WIFE
To hide...
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
To move...
JACK
To battle...
CINDERELLA
Ladies and their Sensitivities
Judge (spoken)
Walk home with me, for I have news for you
In order to shield her from the evils of this world,
I have decided to marry Johanna next Monday.
Beadle (spoken)
Ah, sir happy news.
Judge (spoken)
Strange, when I offered myself to her, she showed a certain reluctance.
Beadle (sung)
Excuse me my lord
May I request my lord,
Permission my lord to speak?
Forgive me if I suggest my lord
You're looking less than your best my lord,
There's powder upon your vest my lord,
And stubble upon your cheek.
And ladies my lord
Are weak
Judge (spoken)
Perhaps if she greets me cordially upon my return I shall give her a small gift.
Beadle (sung)
Ladies in their sensitivities my lord,
Have a fragile sensibility.
When a girl's emergent,
Probably it's urgent,
You differ to her gentility, my lord.
Personal disorder cannot be ignored,
Given their gentile proclivities.
Meaning no offense,
It happens they resents it,
Ladies in their sensitivities my lord.
Judge (spoken)
Stubble you say?
Perhaps at times I am over hasty with my morning ablutions.
Beadle (sung)
Fret not though my lord,
I know a place my lord,
A barber my lord of skill.
Thus armed with a shaven face my lord,
Some eau de cologne to grace my lord,
And musk to enhance the chase my lord,
You'll dazzle the girl until.
Judge (spoken)
Until?
Beadle (sung)
She bows to your every will
Judge (spoken)
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Anything can happen in the woods.
May I kiss you-?
Any moment we could be crushed.
BAKER'S WIFE
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Don't feel rushed.
BAKER'S WIFE
This is ridiculous,
What am I doing here?
I'm in the wrong story.
Wait one moment, please! We can't do this!
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Of course, you're right. How foolish.
Foolishness can happen in the woods.
Once again, please-
Let your hesitations be hushed.
Any moment, big or small,
Is a moment, after all.
Seize the moment, skies may fall
Any moment.
Days are made of moments,
All are worth exploring.
Many kinds of moments-
None is worth ignoring.
All we have are moments,
Memories for storing.
One would be so boring...
BAKER'S WIFE
But this is not right!
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Right and wrong don't matter in the woods,
Only feelings.
Let us meet the moment unblushed.
Life is often so unpleasant-
You must know that, as a peasant-
Best to take the moment present
As a present for the moment.
I must leave you.
BAKER'S WIFE
Why?
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
The Giant.
BAKER'S WIFE
Will we find each other in the woods again?
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
This was just a moment in the woods.
Our moment,
Shimmering and lovely and sad.
Leave the moment, just be glad
For the moment that we had.
Every moment is of moment
When you're in the woods...
Goodbye.
BAKER'S WIFE
What was that?
Was that me?
Was that him?
Did a Prince really kiss me?
And kiss me?
And kiss me?
And did I kiss him back?
Was it wrong?
Am I mad?
Is that all?
Does he miss me?
Was he suddenly
Getting bored with me?
Wake up! Stop dreaming.
Stop prancing about the woods.
It's not besseming.
What is it about the woods?
Back to life, back to sense,
Back to child, back to husband,
You can't live in the woods.
There are vows, there are ties,
There are needs, there are standards,
There are shouldn'ts and shoulds.
Why not both instead?
There's the answer, if you're clever:
have a child for warmth,
And a Baker for bread,
And a Prince for whatever-
Never!
It's these woods.
Face the facts, find the boy,
Join the group, stop the Giant-
Just get out of these woods.
Was that him? yes it was.
Was that me? No it wasn't,
Just a trick of the woods.
Just a moment,
One peculiar passing moment...
Must it all be either less or more,
Either plain or grand?
Is it always "or"?
Is it never "and"?
That's what woods are for:
For those moments in the woods...
Oh. if life were made of moments,
Even now and then a bad one-!
But if life were only moments,
Then you'd never know you had one.
First a Witch, then a child,
Then a Prince, then a moment-
Who can live in the woods?
And to get what you wish,
Only just for a moment-
These are dangerous woods...
Let the moment go...
Don't forget it for a moment, though.
Just remembering you've had and "and",
When you're back to "or",
Makes the "or" mean more
Than it did before.
Now I understand-
JUDGE: Where is she? Where is the girl?
TODD: Below, your Honor. In the care of my neighbor,
Mrs. Lovett.
Thank heavens the sailor did not molest her.
Thank heavens too, she has seen the error of her ways.
JUDGE: She has?
TODD: Oh yes, your lesson was well learned, sir.
She speaks only of you, longing for forgiveness.
JUDGE: And she shall have it. She'll be here soon, you
say?
TODD:
I think I hear her now.
JUDGE: Oh, excellent, my friend!
TODD:
Is that her dainty footstep on the stair?
JUDGE: I hear nothing.
TODD:
Yes, isn't that her shadow on the wall?
JUDGE: Where?
TODD: There!
Primping,
Making herself even prettier than usual —
JUDGE:
Even prettier ...
TODD:
If possible.
JUDGE:
Ohhhhhhh,
Pretty women!
TODD:
Pretty women, yes ...
JUDGE: Quickly, sir, a splash of bay rum!
TODD: Sit, sir, sit.
JUDGE:
JOHANNA,JOHANNA.. .
TODD:
Pretty women . . .
JUDGE: Hurry, man!
TODD:
Pretty women
Are a wonder . . .
JUDGE: You're in a merry mood again today, barber.
TODD:
Pretty women!
JUDGE:
What we do for
TODD:
Pretty women! Pretty women!
Blowing out their candles Blowing out their candles
Or combing out their hair — Or combing out their hair,
Then they leave —
Even when they leave you Even when they leave,
And vanish, they somehow They still
Can still remain Are there,
There with you there ... They're there . ..
JUDGE: How seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit!
TODD: With fellow tastes — in women, at least.
JUDGE: What? What's that?
TODD: The years no doubt have changed me, sir.
But then, I suppose, the face of a barber — the face of
a prisoner in the
dock — is not particularly memorable.
JUDGE:
Benjamin Barker!
TODD:
Rest now, my friend,
Rest now forever.
Sleep now the untroubled
Sleep of the angels ...
COMPANY:
Lift your razor high, Sweeney!
Hear it singing, "Yes!"
Sink it in the rosy skin
Of righteousness!
MRS. LOVETT: Die! Die! God in heaven — die! You! Can it
How all the demons of Hell come to torment me!
TODD: Why did you scream? Does the JUDGE still live?
MRS. LOVETT: He was clutching, holding on to my skirt,
but now — he's finished.
TODD: Leave them to me. Open the doors.
MRS. LOVETT: No! Don't touch her!
TODD: What is the matter with you?
It's only some meddling old beggar - Oh no, Oh
God..."Don't I know you?" she said...
You knew she lived.
From the first moment that I walked into your shop you
knew my Lucy lived!
MRS. LOVETT: I was only thinking of you!
TODD:
Lucy. . .
MRS. LOVETT: Your Lucy!
A crazy hag picking bones and rotten spuds out of alley
ash-cans!
Would you have wanted to know that was all that was
left of her?
TODD: You lied to me.
MRS. LOVETT:
No, no, not lied at all.
No, I never lied.
TODD:
Lucy...
MRS. LOVETT:
Said she took the poison — she did —
Never said that she died —
Poor thing,
She lived —
TODD:
I've come home again . . .
MRS. LOVETT:
But it left her weak in the head,
All she did for months was just lie there in bed —
TODD:
Lucy. . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Should've been in hospital,
Wound up in Bedlam instead,
Poor thing!
TODD:
Oh, my God . . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Better you should think she was dead.
Yes, I lied 'cos I love you!
TODD:
Lucy...
MRS. LOVETT:
I'd be twice the wife she was!
I love you!
TODD:
What have I done?...
MRS. LOVETT:
Could that thing have cared for you
Like me?
TODD:
Mrs. Lovett,
You're a bloody wonder,
Eminently practical and yet
Appropriate as always.
As you've said repeatedly,
There's little point in dwelling on the past.
MRS. LOVETT:
Do you mean it?
Everything I did I swear
I thought
Was only for the best,
Believe me!
Can we still be
Married?
No, come here, my love ..
Not a thing to fear,
My love . . .
What's dead
Is dead.
TODD:
The history of the world, my pet —
MRS. LOVETT:
Oh, Mr. Todd,
Ooh, Mr. Todd,
Leave it to me .. .
TODD:
Is learn forgiveness and try to forget.
MRS. LOVETT:
By the sea, Mr. Todd,
We'll be comfy-cozy,
By the sea, Mr. Todd,
Where there's no one nosy ...
TODD:
And life is for the alive, my dear,
So let's keep living it — !
BOTH:
Just keep living it,
Really living it — !
TODD:
There was a barber and his wife,
And she was beautiful.
A foolish barber and his wife,
She was his reason and his life.
And she was beautiful.
And she was virtuous.
And he was —
Naive.
TOBIAS:
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker man.
Bake me a cake —
No,no,
Bake me a pie —
To delight my eye,
And I will sigh
If the crust be high ...
Mr. TODD.
Pat him and prick him and mark him with B, and put him
MRS. LOVETT:
(spoken) A customer!
Wait!
What's your rush? What's your hurry?
You gave me such a --
Fright, I thought you was a ghost!
Half a minute, can'tcher sit!
Sit you down, sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks!
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague --
Ugh! What is that?
But you think we had the plague!
From the way that people
Keep avoiding --
No you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
Ick!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale!
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can't hardly blame them!
These are probably the worst pies in London!
I know why nobody cares to take them,
I should know,
I make them,
But good? No!
The worst pies in London,
Even that's polite!
The worst pies in London,
If you doubt it, take a bite!
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It's nothing but crusting!
Here, drink this, you'll need it!
The worst pies in London...
And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Findin' poor
Animals
Wot are dyin' in the street!
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop!
Does a business but I notice something weird.
Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared!
Have to hand it to her --
Wot I calls
Enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies!
Wouldn't do in my shop!
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick!
No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London!
Only lard and nothing more --
Is that just revolting,
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like,
Well, pity
A woman alone,
With limited wind,
And the worst pies in London!
Ah, sir, times is hard,
Green finch and linnet bird,
Nightingale, blackbird,
How is it you sing?
How can you jubilate,
Sitting in cages,
Never taking wing?
Outside the sky waits,
Beckoning, beckoning,
Just beyond the bars.
How can you remain,
Staring at the rain,
Maddened by the stars?
How is it you sing
Anything?
How is it you sing?
Green finch and linnet bird,
Nightingale, blackbird,
How is it you sing?
Whence comes this melody constantly flowing?
Is it rejoicing or merely halloing?
Are you discussing or fussing
Or simply dreaming?
Are you crowing?
Are you screaming?
Ringdove and robinet,
Is it for wages,
Singing to be sold?
Have you decided it's
Safer in cages,
Singing when you're told?
My cage has many rooms,
Damask and dark.
Nothing there sings,
Not even my lark.
Larks never will, you know,
When they're captive.
Teach me to be more adaptive.
Green finch and linnet bird,
Nightingale, blackbird,
Teach me how to sing.
If I cannot fly,
Bobby: Where ya going?
April: Barcelona.
Bobby: Oh.
April: Don't get up.
Bobby: Do you have to?
April: Yes, I have to.
Bobby: Oh.
April: Don't get up.
April: Now you're angry.
Bobby: No, I'm not.
April: Yes, you are.
Bobby: No, I'm not.
Put your things down.
April: See, you're angry.
Bobby: No, I'm not.
April: Yes, you are.
Bobby: No, I'm not.
Put your wings down and stay.
April: I'm leaving.
Bobby: Why?
April: To go to-
Bobby: Stay.
April: I have to-
Both: -Fly
Bobby: -I know-
Both: -To Barcelona.
Bobby: Look, you're a very special girl,
Not just overnight.
No, you're a very special girl,
And not because you're bright...
Not just because you're bright.
You're just a very special girl... June!
April: April!
Bobby: April!
April: Thank you.
Bobby: Whatcha thinking?
April: Barcelona.
Bobby: Oh.
April: Flight Eighteen.
Bobby: Stay a minute.
April: I would like to.
Bobby: So?
April: Don't be mean.
Bobby: Stay a minute.
April: No, I can't.
Bobby: Yes, you can.
April: No, I can't.
Bobby: Where you going?
April: Barcelona!
Bobby: So you said.
April: And Madrid.
Bobby: Bon voyage.
April: On a Boeing.
Bobby: Goodnight.
April: You're angry.
Bobby: No.
April: I've got to.
Bobby: Right.
April: Report to-
Bobby: Go.
April: That's not to say...
That if I had my way...
Oh well, I guess, OK.
Bobby: What?
April: I'll stay.
I'd like to propose a toast.
Here's to the ladies who lunch.
Everybody laugh.
Lounging in their caftans and planning a brunch.
On their own behalf.
Off to the gym, then to a fitting.
Claiming they're fat and looking grim
Cause they've been sitting choosing a hat.
Does anyone still wear a hat?
I'll drink to that.
And here's to the girls who play smart-
Aren't they a gas?
Rushing to their classes in optical art,
Wishing it would pass.
Another long exhausting day,
Another thousand dollars.
A matinee, a Pinter play,
Perhaps a piece of Mahler's.
I'll drink to that.
And one for Mahler!
And here's to the girls who play wife-
Aren't they too much?
Keeping house but clutching a copy of LIFE,
Just to keep in touch.
The ones who follow the rules,
And meet themselves at the schools,
Too busy to know that they're fools,
Aren't they a gem?
I'll drink to them.
Let's all drink to them.
And here's to the girls who just watch-
Aren't they the best?
When they get depressed
It's a bottle of scotch,
Plus a little jest.
Another chance to disapprove
Another brilliant singer.
Another reason not to move
Another vodka stinger.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
I'll drink to that.
So here's to the girls on the go-
Everybody tries.
Look into their eyes and you'll see what they know.
Everybody dies.
A toast to that invincible bunch.
The dinosaur surviving the crunch.
Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch-
Everybody rise!
Rise!
Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!
(BALLADEER)
Czolgosz,
Working man,
Born in the middle of Michigan,
Woke with a thought
And away he ran
To the Pan-American Exposition
In Buffalo,
In Buffalo.
Saw of a sudden
How things were run,
Said, "Time's a-wasting
It's nineteen-one.
Some men have everything
And some have none,
So rise and shine-
In the U.S.A.
You can work your way
To the head of the line!"
(ATTENDANT)
Single line, ladies and gentlemen. Line forms here
to meet the President of the United States. Single
line to shake hands with President William McKinley.
(BALLADEER)
Czolgosz,
Quiet man,
Worked out a quiet
And simple plan,
Strolled of a morning
All spick and span,
To the Temple Of Music
By the Tower Of Light
At the Pan-American Exposition
In Buffalo,
In Buffalo.
Saw Bill McKinley there
In the sun.
Heard Bill McKinley say,
"Folks, have fun!
Some men have everything
And some have none,
But that's just fine:
in the U.S.A.
You can work your way
To the head of the line!"
(CROWD)
Big Bill-!
(BALLADEER)
-Gave 'em a thrill.
(CROWD)
Big Bill-!
(BALLADEER)
-Sold 'em a bill.
(CROWD)
Big Bill-!
(BALLADEER)
-Who'd want to kill
A man of good will
Like-?
(CROWD)
Big Bill!
(FAIRGOER #1)
Doesn't the President look Marvelous?
So round and prosperous!
(FAIRGOER #2)
Do you know what his favorite dish is?
It was in the paer. Beef.
(FAIRGOER #3)
I'm told that in his spare time he enjoys
collecting coins!
(BALLADEER)
Czolgosz,
Angry man,
Said, "I will do what
A poor man can.
Yes, and there's nowhere
More fitting than
In the Temple Of Music
By the Tower Of Light
Between the Fountain Of Abundance
And the Court of Lilies
At the great Pan-American Exposition
In Buffalo,
In Buffalo.
Wrapped him a handkerchief
"round his gun,
Said, "Nothin' wrong about
What I done.
Some men have everything
And some have none-
That's by design.
The idea wasn't mine alone,
But mine,
And that's the sign:
In the U.S.A.
You can have your say,
You can set you goals
And seize the day,
You've been given the freedom
To work your way
To the head of the line-
Beggar Woman: Alms! Alms!
For a miserable woman
On a miserable chilly morning
Thank yer, sir, thank yer
Anthony: “Ma'am, could you tell me whose house this is?”
Beggar Woman: “That's the great Judge Turpin's house, that is.”
Anthony: “And the young lady who resides there?”
Beggar Woman: “That's Johanna, his pretty little ward. Keeps her snug,
He does, all locked up. So don't you go trespassing there
Or it's a good whipping for you---or any other young
Man with mischief on his mind.”
'Ow would you like a little muff, dear
A little jig jig
A little bounce around the bush?
Wouldn't you like to push me parsley?
It looks to me, dear
Like you got plenty there to push
Alms! Alms!
Mrs. Lovett:
Toby, where are you, love
(spoken)
where is he?
nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
Toby, Toby
Mrs. Lovett:
nothing's gonna harm you, darling, not while I'm around
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
Toby?
Anthony:
(spoken)
Mr Todd! (to Johanna) you wait for him here. I'll return with the coach in less than half an hour. don't worry. no one will
recognize you. you're safe now.
Johanna:
(spoken)
safe? so we run away and then all our dreams come true?
Anthony:
(spoken)
I hope so
Johanna:
(spoken)
I've never had dreams... only nightmares
Anthony:
(spoken)
Johanna, when we're free of this place all the ghosts will go away.
Johanna:
(spoken)
No, Anthony, they never go away.
Anthony:
(spoken)
I'll be right back to you. half an hour and we'll be free!
Beggar Woman:
Beadle, Beadle,
no good hiding i saw you.
are you in there still, beadle,
beadle, beadle, dear beadle
beadle deedle deedle
deedle deedle dumpling
beadle dumpling
ba deedle deedle deedle
deedle deedle deedle deedle
deedle deedle deedle deedle
deedle deedle
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
who are you? What are you doing here?
Beggar Woman:
(spoken)
Evil it is, Sir. the stink of evil from below! From her! she's the devil's wife! beware of her sir. She, with no pity in her
heart!
(sung)
hey, don't i know you mister?
Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
Mr. Todd?
where is she?
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
below, your honor, with my neighbor. Thank heavens the sailor did not molest her. thank heavens too, she has seen the error
of her ways.
Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
she has?
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
oh, yes, your lesson was well learned. she speaks only of you, longing for forgiveness.
Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
then she shall have it!
she'll be here soon, you say?
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
yes!
Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
Excellent, my friend!
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
how bout a shave?
sit, sir, sit!
Judge Turpin:
Oh, Pretty Women
Sweeney Todd:
Pretty Women, Yes!
Judge Turpin:
Johanna, Johanna.
Sweeney Todd:
pretty women, pretty women are a wonder. pretty women!
Todd: Turpin:
Pretty Women what would we do
for women
Turpin&Todd;:
blowing out their candles
or combing out their hair
Judge Turpin:
then they leave
Todd: Turpin:
even when they even when they
leave they still leave you and
are there, there vanish they
there somehow can still
remain there with
you there
Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
how seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
with fellow taste... in women at least
Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
what's that?
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
the years no doubt have changed me, sir, but now i suppose the face of a barber the face of a prisoner in the dark is not
particularly memorable.
Judge Turpin:
(spoken)
Benjamin Barker!
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
BENJAMIN BARKER!
(sung)
rest now my friend
rest now forever
sleep now the untroubled
sleep of the angels
(spoken)
"don't i know you", she said... you knew she lived.
Mrs. Lovett:
(spoken)
i was only thinking of you
Sweeney Todd:
(spoken)
you lied to me
Mrs. Lovett:
no, no, not lied at all
no i never lied
Todd: Lovett:
Lucy, said she took a
poison, she did,
i've never said that she
died! poor thing,
come she lived, but it
left her weak in the
home head all she did for
months was just lie
again there in bed. should
have been in
Lucy! hospital, wound up
in bedlam instead
oh my poor thing, better
you should think she
God was dead, yes i lied
cause i love you.
Lucy I'd be twice the
wife she was i
what love you. could that
thing have cared for
have I you, like me?
done?
Sweeney Todd:
Mrs. Lovett, you're a bloody wonder, eminently practical and yet appropriate as always. as you've said repeatedly there's
little point in dwelling on the past
Todd: Lovett:
now come here do you mean it?
my love everything I did
nothing I swear I thought
to fear was only for the
my love best. belive me!
what's dead Can we still be
is dead married?
Sweeney Todd:
the history of the world, my pet
Mrs. Lovett:
Oh, Mr. Todd
Oh, Mr. Todd
leave it to me!
Sweeney Todd:
is learn forgiveness
and try to forget
Mrs. Lovett:
by the sea, Mr. Todd
we'll be comfy, cozy
by the sea Mr. Todd
where there's no one nosy
Sweeney Todd:
life is for the alive, my dear
so let's keep living it
Todd&Lovett;
just keep living it
Really Living it
Mrs. Lovett:
(screams)
AHHHH AHHHHH AAHHHHHHHH AHHH AHH AH AH
Sweeney Todd:
there was a barber and his wife
and she was beautiful
a foolish barber and his wife
she was his reason and his life
and she was beautiful
and she was virtuous
Sondeim Stephen
Into The Woods
I Know Things Now
Little Red Riding Hood
Mother said,
"Straight ahead,"
Not to delay
Or be misled.
I should have heeded her advice...
But he seemed so nice.
And he showed me things,
many beautiful things,
That I hadn't thought to explore.
They were off my path,
So I never had dared.
I had been so careful
I never had cared.
And he made me feel excited-
Well, excited and scared.
When he said, "Come in!"
With that sickening grin,
How could I know what was in store?
Once his teeth were bared,
Though, I really for scared-
Well, excited and scared-
But he drew me close
And he swallowed me down,
dawon a dark slimy path
Where lie secrets that I never want to know,
And when everything familiar
Seemed to disappear forever,
At the end of the path
Was Granny once again.
So we wait in the dark
Until someone sets us free,
And we're brought into the light,
And we're back at the the start.
And i know things now,
Many valuable things.
That I hadn't known before.
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood,
They will not protect you
The way that they should.
And take extra care with strangers,
Even flowers have their dangers.
And though scary is exciting,
Nice is different than good.
Now i know:
don't be scared.
Granny is right,
Just be prepared.
Isn't it nice to know a lot!
TOBIAS:
Ladies and gentlemen,
May I have your attention, perlease?
Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well
At that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell?
Yes they are, I can tell.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
That aroma enriching the breeze
Is like nothing compared to its succulent source,
As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course.
Ladies and gentlemen,
You can't imagine the rapture in store
(Indicating the shop)
Just inside of this door!
(Beating his usual drum)
There you'll sample
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies,
Savory and sweet pies,
As you'll see.
You who eat pies,
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies
Conjure up the treat pies
Used to be!
(TOBIAS and customers sing, overlapping)
1ST MAN:
Over here, boy, how about some ale?
2ND MAN:
Let me have another, laddie!
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they flavorsome?
2ND WOMAN:
They are.
3RD WOMAN:
Isn't this delicious?
TOBIAS (To 2ND MAN):
Right away.
4THMAN:
Could we have some service over here, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
Could we have some service, waiter?
3RD MAN:
Could we have some service?
2ND and 3RD WOMAN:
Yes, they are.
1ST MAN:
God, that's good!
2ND MAN:
What about that pie, boy?
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they spicy?
2ND WOMAN:
God, that's good!
5TH WOMAN:
How much are you charging?
TOBIAS:
Thruppence.
3RD WOMAN:
Yes, what about the pie, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
I never tasted anything so ...
1ST and 5TH woman:
Thruppence?
5TH MAN:
Thruppence for a meat pie?
1ST and 2ND man:
Where's the ale I asked you for, boy?
TOBIAS:
|_ Ladies and gentlemen !
MRS. LOVETT (Ringing a bell to attract TOBIAS 's attention)
Toby!
(She starts into the garden with a tray of pies)(To a customer)
TOBIAS:
Coming!
'Scuse me . . .
MRS. LOVETT (Indicating a beckoning customer):
Ale there!
TOBIAS:
Right, mum!
(He runs inside, picks up a jug of ale, whisks back out into the garden and starts filling tankards)
MRS. LOVETT:
Quick, now!
CUSTOMER (Licking their fingers):
God, that's good!
MRS. LOVETT (A bundle of activity, serving pies, collecting money, giving orders, addressing each of the patrons
individually and with equal insincerity):
Nice to see you, dearie . .
How have you been keeping? ...
Cor, me bones is weary!
Toby!
(Indicating a customer)
One for the gentleman . . .
Hear the birdies cheeping
Helps to keep it cheery . . .
(Spying the BEGGAR WOMAN)
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
customers:
God, that's good!
(TOBIAS shoos the BEGGAR WOMAN away, but she soon
comes back, sniffing)
MRS. LOVETT (To other customers, without breaking rhythm):
What's your pleasure, dearie? ...
No, we don't cut slices . .
Cor, me eyes is bleary! . . .
(As TOBIAS is about to pour for a plastered customer)
Toby!
None for the gentleman! . . .
I could up me prices
I'm a little leery ...
Business
Couldn't be better, though
CUSTOMER:
God, that's good!
MRS. LOVETT:
Knock on wood.
(She does)
TODD (Leaning out of window):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To a customer):
Excuse me ...
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (Moving toward him):
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But it's six o'clock!
MRS. LOVETT:
So it's six o'clock.
TODD:
It was due to arrive
At a quarter to five
MRS. LOVETT:
TODD:
And it's six o'clock!
I've been waiting all day!
But it should have been here
By now!
And it's probably already
Down the block!
It'll be here, it'll be here!
Have a beaker of beer
And stop worrying, dear.
Now, now . . .
CUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT (Looking back, agitated at being pulled in two directions): Gawd.
(To TODD, moving back to the garden)
Will you wait there, TODD:
Coolly, You'll come back
'Cos my customers truly When it comes?
Are getting unruly.
(Circulating again in the garden)
And what's your pleasure, dearie?
(Spilling ale)
Oops! I beg your pardon!
Just me hands is smeary
(Spotting a would-be freeloader)
Toby!
Run for the gentleman!
(TOBIAS catches him, collects the money; MRS. LOVETT
turns to another customer)
Don't you love a garden?
Always makes me teary . .
(Looking back at the freeloader)
Must be one of them foreigners
customers:
God, that's good that is delicious!
(During the following a huge crate appears high on a crane and moves slowly downstage to the tonsorial parlor. TODD sees it)
MRS. LOVETT:
What's my secret?
(To a woman)
Frankly, dear forgive my candor
Family secret,
All to do with herbs.
Things like being
Careful with your coriander,
That's what makes the gravy grander !
CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
(MRS. LOVETT hastens into the shop and loads the tray again)
More hot!
More pies!
TODD (Out the window):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To a customer in the shop):
Excuse me ...
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But it's here!
MRS. LOVETT:
It's where?
TODD:
Coming up the stair!
MRS. LOVETT:
(Holding up the tray)
I'll get rid of this lot
As they're still pretty hot
And then I'll be there!
TODD:
It's about to be opened
Or don't you care?
No, I'll be there!
I will be there!
But they'll never be sold
If I let 'em get cold
But we have to prepare!
(During the/allowing, the crate is lowered to the tonsorial parlor)
MRS. LOVETT (Without pausing for breath, smiling to a customer):
Oh, and
Incidentally, dearie,
You know Mrs. Mooney.
Sales've been so dreary
(Spots the BEGGAR WOMAN again)
Toby!
(To the same customer)
Poor thing is penniless.
(Indicating BEGGAR WOMAN, to TOBIAS)
What about that loony?
(To the same customer, as TOBIAS shoos the BEGGAR WOMAN away again)
Lookin' sort of beery
Oh well, got her comeuppance
(Hawklike, to a rising customer)
And that'll be thruppence and
CUSTOMERS:
(Singing with mouths/till)
MRS. LOVETT:
So she should.
God, that's good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what more that's pies good!
(MRS. LOVETT goes up to the tonsorial parlor, entering as TODD opens the crate, revealing an elaborate barber chair)
TODD and MRS. LOVETT (Swooning with admiration):
Oooohhhh! Oooohhhh!
(The empty crate swings away on the crane)
TODD:
Is that a chair fit for a king,
A wondrous neat
And most particular chair?
You tell me where
Is there a seat
Can half compare
With this particular thing!
I have a few
Minor adjustments
To make
They'll take
A moment.
I'll call you . .
MRS. LOVETT:
It's gorgeous!
It's gorgeous!
It's perfect!
It's gorgeous!
You make your few
Minor adjustments.
You take your time,
I'll go see to the customers.
TODD (Looking at the chair, as MRS. LOVETT goes back to the garden):
I have another friend . .
TOBIAS:
(To the customers)
Is that a pie fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable thing?
You see, ma'am, why
There is no meat
MRS. LOVETT:
It's gorgeous!
It's gorgeous!
Pie can compete It's perfect!
With this delectable It's gorgeous!
Pie.
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
TOBIAS and MRS. LOVETT:
The crust all velvety and wavy,
That glaze, those crimps . . .
And then, the thick, succulent gravy. .
One whiff, one glimpse . . .
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
TODD:
And now to test
This best of barber chairs . .
MRS. LOVETT:
So rich,
So thick
It makes you sick . . .
TOBIAS:
So tender
That you surrender . .
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
TODD:
It's rime . .
It's rime . .
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To the customers):
Excuse me . .
TODD {From above):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (to TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT {Moving toward him):
Yes, what, love?
TODD:
Quick, now!
MRS. LOVETT:
Me heart's aflutter !
TODD:
When I pound the floor,
It's a signal to show
That I'm ready to go,
When I pound the floor!
I just want to be sure.
When I'm certain that you're
In place
MRS. LOVETT:
When you pound the floor,
Yes, you told me, I know,
You'll be ready to go
When you pound the floor
Will you trust me?
Will you trust me?
I'll be waiting below
For the whistle to blow . .
TODD:
I'll pound three rimes.
(He demonstrates on the frame of the window)
Three rimes.
(He does it again; she nods impatiently)
And then you
(She knocks at the air two times)
Three rimes
(She knocks heavily and wearily on the wall)
If you
(She knocks again, rolling her eyes skyward)
Exactly.
customers:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Gawd!
CUSTOMERS:
More hot!
MRS. LOVETT (Over her shoulder to them):
Right!
CUSTOMERS:
More pies!
TODD (Seeing her attention waver):
Psst!
CUSTOMERS:
More!
MRS. LOVETT:
Wait!
(She runs into the bakehouse, which we see for the first time. Upstage are the large baking ovens. Downstage is a
butcher's-block table, on which stands a bizarre meat-grinding machine. In the wall is the mouth of a chute leading down from
the tonsorial parlor. Upstage is a trap door leading down to an invisible cellar. While music continues under, TODD takes a
stack of books tied together, puts it in the chair, then pounds three times on the floor. MRS. LOVETT responds by knocking
three times on the mouth of the chute. TODD pulls a lever in the arm of the chair. The chair becomes a slide and the books
disappear through a trap. Music. The books reappear from the hole in the bakehouse wall and plop on the floor. The chair
resumes its normal position. MRS. LOVETT knocks three times excitedly on the chute; TODD responds by pounding on the floor
three times)
CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
(MRS. LOVETT hurries out of the bakehouse)
More hot! More pies!
(TODD resumes tinkering happily with the chair)
More! Hot! Pies!
MRS. LOVETT and TOBIAS (To the customers):
Eat them slow and
Feel the crust, how thin I (she) rolled it!
Eat them slow, 'cos
Every one's a prize!
Eat them slow, 'cos
That's the lot and now we've sold it!
(She hangs up a "Sold Out" sign)
Come again tomorrow !
MRS. LOVETT (Spotting something along the street):
Hold it
CUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Bless my eyes !
(For she sees the man with cap, from Act I, approaching the barber sign. He looks up and rings TODD 's bell three times)
Fresh supplies!
(TODD leans out, sees the man, beckons him up; the man starts up the steps. TODD holds his razor. They both freeze. MRS.
LOVETT takes down the "Sold Out" sign and turns back to the customers)
MRS. LOVETT:
How about it, dearie?
Be here in a twinkling!
Just confirms my theory
Toby!
God watches over us.
Didn't have an inkling . . .
Positively eerie . . .
TOBIAS:
Is that a pie
Fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable
Thing?
You see, ma'am, why
There is no meat pie
CUSTOMER (Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
MRS. LOVETT (Spotting the BEGGAR WOMAN again):
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
(As TOBIAS leads the BEGGAR WOMAN off again, Mrs. Lovett runs back to the pie-shop)
CUSTOMERS (Starting with their mouths full, gradually swallowing and singing clearly):
God, that's good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what perfect more that's
Pies such flavor
(MRS. LOVETT relaxes in thepie-shop with a mug of ale)
JOHANNA (Sings):
He means to marry me Monday,
What shall I do? I'd rather die.
ANTHONY (Sings):
I have a plan —
JOHANNA:
I'll swallow poison on Sunday,
That's what I'll do, I'll get some lye.
ANTHONY:
I have a plan —
JOHANNA (Stops pacing suddenly):
Oh, dear, was that a noise?
ANTHONY:
A plan—
JOHANNA:
I think I heard a noise.
ANTHONY;
A plan!
JOHANNA:
It couldn't be,
He's in court,
He's in court today,
Still that was a noise,
Wasn't that a noise?
You must have heard that —
ANTHONY:
Kiss me.
JOHANNA (Shyly):
Oh, sir...
ANTHONY:
Ah, miss ...
JOHANNA:
Oh, sir ...
(She turns away, agitatedly)
If he should marry me Monday,
What shall I do? I'll die of grief.
ANTHONY:
We fly tonight —
JOHANNA:
'Tis Friday, virtually Sunday,
What can we do with time so brief?
ANTHONY:
We fly tonight —
JOHANNA:
Behind the curtain — quick!
ANTHONY:
Tonight —
JOHANNA:
I think I heard a click!
ANTHONY:
Tonight!
JOHANNA:
It was agate!
It's the gate!
We don't have a gate.
Still there was a — Wait!
There's another click!
You must have heard that —
ANTHONY:
It's not a gate.
There's no gate,
You don't have a gate.
If you'd only listen, miss, and
ANTHONY;
Kiss me!
JOHANNA:
Tonight?
ANTHONY:
Kiss me.
JOHANNA:
You mean tonight?
ANTHONY:
The plan is made.
JOHANNA:
Oh, sir!
ANTHONY;
So kiss me.
JOHANNA:
I feel a fright.
ANTHONY:
Be not afraid.
JOHANNA:
Sir, I did
Love you even as I
Saw you, even as it
Did not matter that I
Did not know your name.
ANTHONY:
Tonight I'll
Steal
You,
JOHANNA,
I'll steal you ...
ANTHONY:
It's me you'll marry on Monday,
That's what you'll do!
JOHANNA:
And gladly, sir.
ANTHONY:
St. Dunstan's, noon.
JOHANNA:
I knew I'd be with you one day,
Even not knowing who you were.
I feared you'd never come,
That you'd been called away,
That you'd been killed,
Had the plague,
Were in debtor's jail,
Trampled by a horse,
Gone to sea again,
Arrested by the —
JOHANNA:
Kiss me!
ANTHONY:
Of course.
JOHANNA:
Quickly!
ANTHONY:
Ah, miss,
Marry me, marry me, miss,
Oh, marry me Monday!
Favor me, favor me
With your hand.
Promise,
Marry me, marry me, please,
Oh, marry me Monday —
ANTHONY:
You're sure?
JOHANNA:
Kiss me!
ANTHONY (Taking her in his arms):
I shall!
JOHANNA:
Kiss me!
Oh, sir ...
(Lights dim on them but remain; light rises on the JUDGE and the BEADLE, still walking together. Music continues under)
JUDGE (Strolling with BEADLE): Yes, yes, but surely the respect that she owes me as her guardian should be sufficient to kindle a more tender emotion.
BEADLE (Sings):
Excuse me, my lord.
May I request, my lord,
Permission, my lord, to speak?
Forgive me if I suggest, my lord,
You're looking less than your best, my lord,
There's powder upon your vest, my lord,
And stubble upon your cheek.
And ladies, my lord, are weak.
(Music continues)
JUDGE: Perhaps if she greets me cordially upon my return, I should give her a small gift. .
BEADLE (Winces delicately):
Ladies in their sensitivities, my lord,
Have a fragile sensibility.
When a girl's emergent,
Probably it's urgent
You defer to her gent-
ility, my lord.
Personal disorder cannot be ignored,
Given their genteel proclivities.
Meaning no offense, it
Happens they resents it,
Ladies in their sensit-
ivities, my lord.
JUDGE (Feeling his chin): Stubble, you say? Perhaps at times I am a little overhasty with my morning ablutions . .
BEADLE:
Fret not though, my lord,
I know a place, my lord,
A barber, my lord, of skill.
Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord,
Some eau de cologne to grace my lord
And musk to enhance the chase, my lord,
You'll dazzle the girl until
She bows to your every will.
JUDGE: That may well be so.
(They have reached the JUDGE 's house)
BEADLE: Well, here we are, sir. I bid you good day.
JUDGE: Good day.
(He muses, turns)
And where is this miraculous barber?
BEADLE: In Fleet Street, sir.
JUDGE: Perhaps you may be right. Take me to him.
(They start off. Light up on JOHANNA 's room. JOHANNA and ANTHONY get up from a couch)
BEADLE (Sings):
The name is TODD ...
JUDGE:
Todd, eh?
ANTHONY:
We'd best not wait until Monday
JOHANNA:
Sir, I concur,
And fully, too.
BEADLE:
Sweeney TODD.
ANTHONY:
It isn't right.
We'd best be married on Sunday.
JOHANNA:
Saturday, sir,
Would also do.
ANTHONY:
Or else tonight.
(The JUDGE and the BEADLE move past the house)
JOHANNA:
I think I heard a noise.
ANTHONY:
Fear not.
JOHANNA:
I mean another noise!
ANTHONY:
Like what?
JOHANNA:
Oh, never mind,
Just a noise
Just another noise,
Something in the street,
I'm a silly little
Ninnynoddle —
ANTHONY:
You mustn't mind,
It's a noise,
Just another noise,
Something in the street,
You silly —
BOTH (Falling into each other's arms):
Kiss me!
JOHANNA:
Oh, sir...
ANTHONY:
We'll go to Paris on Monday.
JOHANNA:
What shall I wear?
I daren't pack!
ANTHONY:
We'll ride a train ...
JOHANNA:
With you beside me on Sunday,
What will I care
What things I lack?
ANTHONY:
Then sail to Spain ...
JOHANNA:
I'll take my reticule.
I need my reticule.
You mustn't think
Me a fool
But my reticule
Never leaves my side,
It's the only thing
My mother gave me —
Kiss me!
Kiss me!
We'll go there,
Kiss me!
We have a place where we can
ANTHONY:
Why take your reticule?
We'll buy a reticule.
I'd never think
You a fool,
But a reticule —
Leave it all aside
And begin again and
Kiss me!
I know a place where we can go
Tonight.
Kiss me!
We have a place where we can
Go... Go tonight.
BEADLE {Simultaneously with the above):
The name is Todd.
JUDGE:
Todd?
BEADLE:
Todd. Sweeney Todd.
JUDGE:
Todd ...
BEADLE:
Todd.
ANTHONY:
I loved you
Even as I saw you,
Even as it did not
Matter that I did
Not know your name
Johanna,
Johanna,
Johanna...
JOHANNA:
I loved you
Even as I saw you,
Even as it does not
Matter that I still
Don't know your name, sir,
Even as I saw you,
Even as it does not
Matter that I still
Don't know your name . .
BEADLE (Simultaneously with above):
Todd . . . Sweeney Todd.
JUDGE and BEADLE:
Sweeney Todd.
ANTHONY: Anthony . . .
JUDGE: Todd . . .
BEADLE: TODD.
JOHANNA: ANTHONY . . .
JUDGE: TODD, eh?
JOHANNA: ANTHONY:
I'll marry ANTHONY Sunday, You marry ANTHONY Sunday,
That's what I'll do. That's what you'll do,
No matter what! No matter what!
I knew you'd come for me I knew I'd come for you
one day, one day
Only afraid that you'd forgot. Only afraid that you'd forgot.
BEADLE (Simultaneously with above):
Ladies in their sensitivities, my lord ...
JUDGE:
Pray lead the way.
BEADLE:
Have a fragile sensibility ...
JUDGE:
Just as you say.
JOHANNA:
I feared you'd never come,
That you'd been called away,
That you'd been killed,
Had the plague,
Were in debtor's jail,
Trampled by a horse,
Gone to sea again,
Arrested by the ...
ANTHONY:
Marry me, marry me, miss,
You'll marry me Sunday.
Favor me, favor me
With your hand.
Promise,
Marry me, marry me,
That you'll marry me —
Enough of all this ...
(He crushes her to him; they kiss)
BEADLE (Simultaneously with above):
When a girl's emergent,
Probably it's urgent. .
Ladies in their sensitivities . .
JUDGE:
Todd ...
JOHANNA (As she sinks to the floor with ANTHONY):
Oh, sir ...
ANTHONY:
Ah, miss . . .
JOHANNA:
Oh, sir...
Oh, sir ...
Oh, sir ...
Oh, sir ...
Oh, sir ...
Oh, sir ...
ANTHONY:
Ah, miss ...
Ah, miss . . .
Ah, miss ...
Ah, miss ...
[CINDERELLA]
He's a very nice Prince.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
And-?
[CINDERELLA]
And-
It's a very nice ball.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
And-?
[CINDERELLA]
And-
When I entered they trumpeted.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
And-?
The Prince-?
[CINDERELLA]
Oh, the Prince...
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Yes, the Prince!
[CINDERELLA]
Well, he's tall.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Is that all?
Did you dance?
Is he charming? They say that he's charming.
[CINDERELLA]
We did nothing but dance.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Yes-? And-?
[CINDERELLA]
And it made a nice change.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
No, the Prince!
[CINDERELLA]
Oh, the Prince...
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Yes, the Prince.
[CINDERELLA]
He has charm for a Prince, I guess...
[BAKER'S WIFE]
guess?
[CINDERELLA]
I don't meet a wide range.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Did he bow?
Was he cold and polite?
[CINDERELLA]
And it's all very strange.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Did he speak? Did he flirt?
Could you tell right away he was royalty?
Is he sensitive,
Clever,
Well-mannered,
Considerate,
Passionate,
Charming,
As kind as he's handsome,
As wise as he's rich,
Is he everything you've ever wanted?
[CINDERELLA]
Would I know?
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Well, I know.
[CINDERELLA]
But how can you know what you want
Till you get what you want
And you see if you like it?
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Would I know?
[CINDERELLA]
All I know is-
[BAKER'S WIFE]
I never wish-
[CINDERELLA]
What I want most of all-
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Just within reason.
[CINDERELLA]
Is to know what I want.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
When you know you can't have what you want,
Where's the profit in wishing?
[BOTH]
He's a very nice Prince...
[BAKER'S WIFE]
What I wouldn't give to be in your shoes.
[CINDERELLA]
Will you look over there, an enormous beanstalk
growing next to that little cottage.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
I mean slippers as pure as gold.
[CINDERELLA]
I must get home.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
I need you shoes.
Wait!
[BAKER]
One midnight gone...
[MYSTERIOUS MAN]
No know unties itself...
[WITCH]
Sometimes the things you most wish for are not
to be touched...
[PRINCES]
The harder to get, the better to have...
[FLORINDA]
Never wear mauve at a ball...
[LUCINDA]
Or pink...
[STEPMOTHER]
Or open your mouth...
[JACK]
The difference between a cow and a bean
Is a bean can begin an adventure...
[JACK'S MOTHER]
Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
The prettier the flower, the farther from the path...
[CINDERELLA'S FATHER]
The closer to the family, the closer to the wine...
[RAPUNZEL]
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...
[WITCH]
One midnight gone!...
[GRANNY]
The mouth of a wolf's not the end of the world...
[STEWARD]
A servant is not just a dog, to a Prince...
[CINDERELLA]
Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor...
[BAKER'S WIFE]
You may know what you need,
But to get what you want,
Better see that you keep what you have.
[BAKER]
One midnight gone...
[WITCH]
Sometimes the things you most wish for are not
to be touched...
[PRINCES]
The harder to get,
The better to have...
Agreed.
[BAKER]
One midnight gone... one midnight gone...
[FLORINDA]
Never wear mauve at a ball...
[LUCINDA]
Or pink...
[JACK'S MOTHER]
Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...
[BAKER'S WIFE]
To get what you want,
Better keep what you...
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
The prettier the flower...
[ALL]
One midnight gone...
Into the woods,
Into the woods,
Into the woods, then out of the woods
And home before.
[JACK]
There are Giants in the sky!
There are big tall terrible Giants
in the sky!
When you're way up high
And you look below
At the world you left
And the things you know,
Little more than a glance
Is enough to show
You just how small you are.
When you're way up high
And you're own your own
In a world like none
That you've ever known,
Where the sky is lead
And the earth is stone,
You're free, to do
Whatever pleases you,
Exploring things you'd never dare
'Cause you don't care,
When suddenly there's
A big tall terrible Giant at the door,
A big tall terrible lady Giant
sweeping the floor.
And she gives you food
And she gives you rest
And she draws you close
To her Giant breast,
And you know things now
that you never knew before,
Not till the sky.
Only just when you've made
A friend and all,
And you know she's big
But you don't feel small,
Someone bigger than her
Comes along the hall
To swallow you for lunch.
And you heart is lead
And your stomach stone
And you're really scared
Being all alone...
And it's then that you miss
All the things you've known
And the world you've left
And the little you own-
The fun is done.
You steal what you can and run.
And you scramble down
And you look below,
And the world you know
Begins to grow:
The roof, the house, and your Mother at the door.
The roof, the house and the world you never thought to
explore.
And you think of all of the things you've seen,
And you wish that you could live in between,
And you're back again,
Only different than before,
After the sky.
There are Giants in the sky!
There are big tall terrible awesome scary wonderful
Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.
His skin was pale and his eye was odd.
He shaved the faces of gentlemen
who never thereafter were heard of again.
He trod a path that few have trod
did Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of fleet street.
He kept a shop in London town.
Of fancy clients and good renown
and what if none of their souls were saved
they went to their maker impecably shaved.
By Sweeney,
by Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of fleet street.
Company
Swing your razor wide!
Sweeney, hold it to the skies.
Freely flows the blood of those who moralize.
His needswere few, his room was bare.
A lavabo and a fancy chair.
A mug of suds, and a leather strop,
an apron, a towel, a pail, and a mop.
For neatness he deserves a nod,
does Sweeney Todd,
the demon barber of Fleet Street.
Inconspicuous Sweeney was,
quick, and quiet and clean he was.
Back of his smile, under his word,
Sweeney heard music that nobody heard.
Sweeney pondered and Sweeney planned,
like a perfect machine he planned,
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney!
Sweeney!
Sweeney Todd
Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!
Company
Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!
Sweeney Todd
He served a dark and avengeful God!
Company
He served a dark and avengeful God!
Sweeney Todd
What happened then, well that's the play,
and he wouldn't want us to give it away...
Company
Not Sweeney
Not Sweeney Todd
The demon barber of Fleet...
These are my friends
See how they glisten
See this one shine
How he smiles
In the light
My friend!
My faithful friend!
Speak to me, friend
Whisper, I'll listen
I know, I know
You've been locked
Out of sight
All these years!
Like me, my friend!
Well, I've come home
To find you waiting
Home
And we're together
And we'll do wonders
Won't we?
You there, my friend
I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd
Come, let me hold you
Lovett: If you only knew, Mr. Todd
Now, with a sigh
Ooh, Mr. Todd!
You grow warm in my hand
You're warm in my hand
My friend!
You've come home!
My clever friend!
Always had a fondness for you, I did
Rest now, my friend
Never you fear, Mr. Todd
Soon I'll unfold you
You can move in here, Mr. Todd
Soon you'll know
Will be yours!
My lucky friend!
I'm your friend! And you're mine!
Till now your shine
Don't they shine beautiful?
Was merely silver!
Silver's good enough for me, Mr. T
Friend
You shall drip rubies
You'll soon drip precious
Rubies
MILES
Stand aside, everyone! I take large steps!
SOLDIERS
One, Two, One, Two . . .
MILES
We not only fought but we won, too!
SOLDIERS
One, Two, One, Two . . .
Left, Right, Left, Right . . .
MILES
There's none of the enemy left, Right?
SOLDIERS
Right! Left! . . . Uh . . . Ri . . . Uh . . . Left!
MILES
Halt!
PSEUDOLUS
Hail, Miles Gloriousus.
Welcome to my house, great captain.
Your bride awaits you.
MILES
My bride!
My bride! My bride!
I've come to claim my bride,
Come tenderly to crush her against my side!
Let haste be made,
I cannot be delayed!
There are lands to conquer,
Cities to loot
And people to degrade!
SOLDIERS
Look at those arms!
Look at that chest!
Look at them!
MILES
Not to mention the rest!
Even I am impressed.
My bride! My bride!
Come bring to me my bride!
My lust for her no longer can be denied!
Convey the news.
I have no time to lose!
There are towns to plunder,
Temples to burn
And women to abuse!
SOLDIERS
Look at that foot!
Look at that heel!
Mark the magnificent muscles of steel!
MILES
I am my ideal!
I, Miles Gloriosus,
I, slaughterer of thousands,
I, oppessor of the meek,
Subduer of the weak,
Degrader of the Greek,
Destroyer of the Turk,
Must hurry back to work!
MILES
COURTESANS
I, Miles Gloriosus,
I, Paragon of virtues,
Him, Miles Gloriosus
Him, Paragon of virtues,
SOLDIERS
A man among men!
With sword and with pen!
MILES
I, in war the most admired,
In wit the most inspired,
In love the most desired,
In dress the best displayed,
I am a parade!
Him!
Him!
Him!
SOLDIERS
Look at those eyes,
Cunning and keen!
Look at the size of those thighs,
Like a mighty machine!
PSEUDOLUS
Those are the mightiest thighs that I ever have theen!
I mean . . .
MILES
My bride! My bride!
Inform my lucky bride:
The fabled arms of Miles are open wide!
Make haste! Make haste!
I have no time to waste!
There are shrines I should be sacking,
Ribs I should be cracking,
Eyes to gouge and booty to divide!
Bring me my bride!
SOLDIERS
Bring him his bride!
Brind him his bride!
12.That Dirty Old Man
DOMINA
For over thirty years,
I've cried myself to sleep,
Assailed by doubts and fears
So great the gods themselves would weep!
The moment I am gone,
I wonder where he'll go.
In all your simple honesty,
You can't begin to know,
Ohhhh . . .
I want him,
I need him.
Where is he?
That dirty old man is here somewhere,
Cavorting with someone young and fair,
Disporting in every shameless whim,
Just wait till I get my hands on him!
I'll hold him,
Enfold him.
Where is he?
That dirty old man,
Where can he be?
Profaning our vows for all to see,
Complaining how he's misunderstood,
Abusing me (if he only would!)
Oh, Love,
Sweet love,
Why hide?
You vermin, you worm, you villain!
Come face,
Embrace
Your bride!
Wherever he is, I know he's still an angel,
My angel,
Where is he,
That dirty old man divine?
I love him,
I love him,
That lecherous, lewd, lascivious, loathsome, lying,
lazy,
Attend the tale of Sweeny Todd.
His skin was pale and his eye was odd.
He shaved the faces of gentlemen
Who never thereafter were heard of again.
He trod a path that few have trod,
Did Sweeny Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
He kept a shop in London Town
Of fancy clients and good renown.
And what if none of their souls were saved?
They went to their
Maker impeccably shaved by Sweeny,
By Sweeny Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Swing your razor wide, Sweeny,
Hold it to the skies!
Freely flows the blood of those who moralize.
His need were few, his room was bare:
a lavabo and a fancy chair,
A mug of suds and a leather strop,
An apron, a towel, a pail and a mop.
For neatness, he deserves a nod.
Does Sweeny Todd,, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.
In conspicuous Sweeny was,
Quick and quite and clean 'e was.
Back of his smile, under his word,
Sweeny heard music that nobody heard.
Sweeny pondered and Sweeny planned,
Like a perfect machine 'e planned
Sweeny was smooth, Sweeny was subtle,
Sweeny would blink and rats would scuttle.
Sweeny! Sweeny! Sweeny! Sweeny!
Sweeny!
Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd
He served a dark and a hungry god
What happened then, well that's the play,
And he wouldn't want us to give it away. Not Sweeney,
(CZOLGOSZ)
It takes a lot of men to make a gun,
Hundreds,
Many men to make a gun:
Men in the mines
To dig the uron,
Men in the mills
To forge the steel,
Men at machines
To turn the barrel,
Mold the trigger,
Shape the wheel-
It takes a lot of men to make a gun...
One gun...
(BOOTH)
And all you have to do
Is move you little finger,
Move your little finger and-
You can change the world.
Why should you be blue
When You've you little finger?
Prove how just a little finger
Can change the world.
(CZOLGOSZ)
I hate this gun...
(GUITEAU)
What a wonder is a gun!
What a versatile invention!
First of all, when you've a gun-
Everybody pays attention.
When you think what must be done,
Think of all that it can do:
Remove a scoundrel,
Unite a party,
Preserve the Union,
Promote the sales of my book,
Insure my future,
My niche in history,
And then the world will see
That I am not a man to overlook!
Ha-ha!
(GUITEAU, BOOTH, CZOLGOSZ)
And all you have to do
Is squeeze your little finger.
Ease your little finger back-
You can change the world.
Whatever else is true,
You trust your little finger.
Just a single little finger
Can change the world.
(MOORE)
I got this really great gun-
Shit, where is it?
No, it's really great-
Wait-
Shit, where is it?
Anyway
It's just a .38-
But-
It's a gun.
You can make a statement-
Wrong-
With a gun-
Even if you fail.
It tells 'em who you are
Where you stand.
This one was on sale.
It- no not the shoe-
Well, actually the shoe was, too.
No, that's not it-
Shit, I had it here-
Got it!
Yeah! There it is! And-
(ALL)
All you have to do
Is crook your little finger,
Hook your little finger 'round-
(MOORE)
Shit, I shot it...
(OTHERS)
- You can change the world.
(QUARTET)
Simply follow through,
And look, you little finger
Slow them down
To a crawl,
Show them all,
Big and small,
It took a little finger
No time
To change the world.
(CZOLGOSZ)
A gun kills many men before it's done,
Hundreds,
Long before you shoot the gun:
Men in the mines
And in the steel mills,
Men at machines,
Who died for what?
Somthing to buy-
A watch, a shoe, a gun,
A thing to make the bosses richer,
A gun claims many men before it's done...
Just
I was out in the yard Taking down the bed sheets When my neighbor yelled across "The president's been shot" I remember where I was Just exactly where I was In the yard out back "The president's been shot"
I was getting me a shoeshine Folding sheets When I heard We were waiting for a carriage Newsboys Lizzie's sheets "The president's been shot" I'll remember it forever And I thought Where I was, what I was doing Something just broke "The president's been shot" My God
I was up near the ridge plowing We were working at the plant I was halfway through correcting the exams When my wife It was Mike She comes tearing cross the field Mike the foremen In runs Billy I mean, he was crying He was crying She was crying I'll remember it forever And I thought "The president's been shot" You know what? There are presidents who aren't worth a lot I kept thinking There's the kind that gets elected, then forgot Mr. Garfield Mr Lincoln He's a hack Bill McKinley He's a giant He's a joke Still, something just broke
"The President is rallying. The President is sinking. The President is dead."
PSEUDOLUS
Lovers divided
Get coincided.
Something for everyone -
HERO and PHILIA
A comedy tonight!
PSEUDOLUS
Father and mother
Get one another.
DOMINA
Something for everyone -
SENEX
A tragedy tonight!
MILES
I get the twins!
They get the best!
ERRONIUS
I get a family.
HYSTERIUM
I get a rest.
SOLDIERS
We get a few girls.
LYCUS
I'll get some new girls.
PSEUDOLUS
I get the thing I want to be:
FREE!
Free!
Free!
Free!
Free!
Free!
Nothing for kings,
Nothing for crowns,
Something for lovers liars and clowns!
What is the moral?
Must be a moral.
Here is the moral, wrong or right:
PSEUDOLUS
Morals tomorrow!
Comedy, Comedy, Comedy,
Comedy, Comedy, Comedy,
Comedy, Comedy,
(From: Into the Woods)
Did I abuse her or show her disdain
Why does she run from me
If I should lose her how shall I regain
The heart she has won from me
Agony, beyond power of speech
When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of your reach
High in her tower she sits by the hour
Maintaining her hair
Blithe and becoming and frequently humming
A light-hearted air
Agony, far more painful than yours
When you know she would go with you
If there only were doors
Agony, all the torture they teach
What's as intruiging or half so fatiguing
As what's out of reach
Am I not sensitive, clever
Well-mannered, considerate
Passionate, charming
As kind as I'm handsome
And heir to a throne?
You are everything maidens could wish for
Then why no
Do I know?
The girl must be mad
You know nothing of madness
'Til you're climbing her hair
And you see her up there as you're nearing her
And all the while hearing her
Agony, misery, though it's different for each
Always ten steps behind, always ten steps below
And she's just out of reach
Agony, that can cut like a knife
I must have her to wife
High in a tower like yours was but higher
A beauty asleep
All 'round the tower a thicket of briar
A hundred feet deep
Agony, no frustration more keen
When the one thing you want
Is a thing that you've not even seen
I've found a casket entirely of glass
No, it's unbreakable
Inside, don't ask it, a maiden alas
Just as unwakeable
What unmistakeable
Agony, is the way always hard
She has skin white as snow
Did you learn her name, no
There's a dwarf standing guard
Agony such that princes must weep
Always in thrall 'most to anything almost
Or something asleep
If it were not for the thicket
A thicket's no trick, is it thick
It's the thickest
The quickest is pick it apart with a stick
Yes but even one prick, it's my thing about blood
Well it's sick
It's no sicker than your thing about dwarfs
Dwarves
Dwarfs
Dwarves are very upsetting
Not forgetting
The task's unachievable, mountains unscalable
If it's conceivable but unavailable
Agony, misery, woe not to know what you miss
While they lie there for years
And you cry on their biers
What unbearable bliss
Agony that can cut like a knife
(Note: Many of the lyrics for Todd and Anthony are sung simultaneously)
ANTHONY:
I feel you, Johanna
I feel you
Do they think that walls can hide you?
Even now I'm at your window
I am in the dark beside you
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair
Johanna
TODD:
And are you beautiful and pale
With yellow hair, like her
I'd want you beautiful and pale
The way I've dreamed you were,
Johanna
ANTHONY:
Johanna
TODD:
And if you're beautiful what then
With yellow hair, like wheat
I think we shall not meet again,
My little dove, my sweet,
Johanna
ANTHONY:
I'll steal you, Johanna
TODD:
Goodbye, Johanna
You're gone and yet you're mine
I'm fine, Johanna
I'm fine
ANTHONY:
Johanna
BEGGAR:
Smoke, smoke
Sign of the devil (x2)
City on fire
Witch, a witch
Smell it sir, and evil smell
Every night at the vespers spell
Smoke that came with and awful hell
City on fire (x2)
Mischief (x3)
TODD:
And if I never hear your voice,
My turtle dove, my dear
I still have reason to rejoice
The way ahead is clear
Johanna
ANTHONY:
I feel you, Johanna
TODD:
And in that darkness when I'm blind
With what I can't forget
It's always morning in my mind,
My little lamb, my pet
Johanna
You stay, Johanna
ANTHONY:
Johanna
TODD:
The way I dreamed you were
Oh, look, Johanna
A star
ANTHONY:
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair
TODD:
A shooting star
BEGGAR:
There, there
Somebody, somebody
Look up there
Didn't I tell you?
Smell that air
City on fire
Quick, sir! Run and tell
Warn them all of the witches spell
There it is, there it is
There in hell, this smell
Tell it to the Beadle, police as well
Tell them, tell them
Oh! Fiend!
City on fire (x2)
Mischief (x2)
TODD:
And though I'll think of you I guess
Until the day I die
I think I miss you less and less
As every day goes by
Johanna
ANTHONY:
Johanna
TODD:
And you'd be beautiful and pale
And look too much like her
If only angels could prevail
We'd be the way we were
Johanna
ANTHONY:
I feel you, Johanna
TODD:
Wake up, Johanna
The nerve, the bright lit day
We learn, Johanna
To say
Goodbye
ANTHONY:
Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.
Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.
Just when I'd stopped
Opening doors,
Finally knowing
The one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.
Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want -
Sorry, my dear.
And where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.
Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
I had him!
His throat was there beneath my hand.
No, I had him!
His throat was there and now he'll never come again.
Mrs. Lovett: Easy now, hush love hush
I keep telling you, Whats your rush?
Todd: When? Why did I wait?
You told me to wait -
Now he'll never come again.
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...
They all deserve to die.
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because in all of the whole human race
Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one staying put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face
Look at me, Mrs Lovett, look at you.
No, we all deserve to die
Even you, Mrs Lovett, even I!
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief
We all deserve to die.
And I'll never see Johanna
No I'll never hug my girl to me - finished!
Alright! You sir, how about a shave?
Come and visit your good friend Sweeney.
You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave.
I will have vengenance.
I will have salvation.
Who sir, you sir?
No ones in the chair, Come on! Come on!
Sweeney's. waiting. I want you bleeders.
You sir! Anybody!
Gentlemen now don't be shy!
Not one man, no, nor ten men.
Nor a hundred can assuage me.
I will have you!
And I will get him back even as he gloats
In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats.
And my Lucy lies in ashes
And I'll never see my girl again.
But the work waits!
I'm alive at last!
MS. LOVETT:
Seems a downright shame...
TODD (spoken):
Shame?
MS. LOVETT:
Seems an awful waste...
Such a nice plump frame
Wots his name has
Had...has...
Nor he can't be traced
Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift, as a gift
If you get my drift
Seems and awful waste
I mean... with the price of meat wot it is
When you get it, if you get it
TODD:
Ah...
MS. LOVETT:
Good you got it
Take for instance Ms. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better using only pussy cats and toast
Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste
(simultaneously)
TODD:
Ms. Lovett, what a charming notion
Eminently practical
MS. LOVETT:
Well it does seem a waste!
TODD:
And yet appropriate as always
Ms. Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years
I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
MS. LOVETT:
Think about it
Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming in for a shave
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!
TODD:
How choice!
How rare!
For what's the sound of the world out there?
MS. LOVETT:
What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd
What is that sound?
TODD:
Those crunching noises pervading the air!
MS. LOVETT:
Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes Mr. Todd
Yes all around
TODD:
It's man devouring man, my dear!
BOTH:
Then who are we to deny it in here?
TODD (spoken):
These are desperate times, Ms. Lovett
And desperate measures are called for
MS. LOVETT:
Here we are. Hot out of the oven
TODD:
What is that?
MS. LOVETT:
Its priest
Have a little priest
TODD:
Is it really good?
MS. LOVETT:
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh
TODD:
Awful lot of fat
MS. LOVETT:
Only where it sat
TODD:
Haven't you got poet or something like that?
MS. LOVETT:
No you see the trouble with poet
Is how do you know it's deceased?
Try the priest!
Lawyer's rather nice
TODD:
If it's for a price
MS. LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice
TODD:
Anything that's lean?
MS. LOVETT:
Well then if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy royal marine
Anyway it's clean
Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been!
TODD:
Is that squire on the fire?
MS. LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir, look closer
You'll notice its grocer!
TODD:
Looks thicker, more like vicar
MS. LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer
It's green!
TODD:
The history of the world, my love
MS. LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors
TODD:
Is those below serving those up above!
MS. LOVETT:
Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors
TODD:
How gratifying for once to know
BOTH:
That those above will serve those down below
TODD (spoken):
What is that?
MS. LOVETT:
It's fop
Finest in the shop
Or we have some shepherds pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I've just begun
Is the politician so oily it's served with a doily?
Have one!
TODD:
Put it on a bun
Well you never know if it's going to run!
MS. LOVETT:
Try the friar!
Fried, it's drier!
TODD:
The clergy is really too coarse and too mealy!
MS. LOVETT:
Then actor!
It's compacter!
TODD:
Ah, but always arrives overdone
(spoken) I'll come again when you have judge on the menu
Have charity towards the world, my pet!
MS. LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love
TODD:
We'll take the customers that we can get!
MS. LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love!
TODD:
We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone
(simultaneously)
MS. LOVETT:
We'll serve anyone!
TODD:
Meaning anyone!
BOTH:
And to anyone
ROBERT: Someone is waiting,
Cool as Sarah,
Easy and loving as Susan...
Jenny...
Someone is waiting,
Warm as Susan,
Frantic and touching as Amy...
Joanne...
Would I know her, even if I met her?
Have I missed her? Did I let her go?
A Susan sort of Sarah,
A Jennyish Joanne...
Wait for me, I'm ready now
I'll find you if I can!
Someone will hold me,
Soft as Jenny,
Skinny and blue-eyed as Amy...
Susan...
Someone will wake me,
Sweet as Amy,
Tender and foolish as Sarah...
Joanne...
Did I know her? Have I waited too long?
Maybe so... but maybe so has she.
My blue-eyed Sarah, warm Joanne,
Sweet Jenny, loving Susan,
Crazy Amy,
Wait for me... I'll hurry!
Wait for me... Hurry!
Wait for me... Hurry!
Wait
Mrs. Lovett(spoken)
It's not much of a chair but it'll do. Was was me poor Albert's chair. Sat in it all day long he did till half his leg give
out with gout.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
Why doesn't the beadle come? Before the week is out. That's what he said.
Mrs. Lovett (spoken)
He said before the week is out'. It's only Tuesday.
(sung)
Easy now,
Hush, love, hush,
Don't distress yourself,
What's your rush?
Keep your thoughts
Nice and lush,
Wait.
Hush, love, hush,
Think it through.
Once it bubbles, then
What's to do?
Watch it close.
Let it brew.
Wait.
I've been thinkin' flowers,
Maybe daisies,
To brighten up the room!
Don't you think some flowers,
Pretty daisies,
Might relieve the gloom?
Ah, wait,
Love, wait.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
And the judge? When will I get to him?
Mrs. Lovett (spoken)
Can't you think of nothin' else?
Always broodin' away on your wrongs
what happened heaven knows how many years ago!
(sung)
Slow, love, slow.
Time's so fast.
Now goes quickly, see
Now it's past!
Soon will come,
Soon will last.
Wait.
Don't you know,
Silly man?
Half the fun is to
Plan the plan!
All good things
Come to those who can
Wait.
Gillyflowers, maybe,
'Stead of daisies...
I dunno though...
we got a party going on get your hands up we got a party going on get your hands up we got a party going on get your hands up we got a party going on get your hands up
Every wicked minute, I sit here thinkin of you I can't wait to get in it, I'm waitin' for the week to be trough Saturday is the only day I wake up thinkin bout Cuz any other day is just another day no doubt Cuz everytime I think about you thoughts go trough my mind And everybody is working for the weekend Everything is on my mind on saturday night Do knock out all my fellows with their hunneysz by my side The DJ plays a record till it hits the morning light And everythings gonna be OK, Cuz its a saturday Aint thinkin bout Monday or Thuesday or Wednesday Its allright Aint thinkin bout Thursday or Friday cuz tonight its Saturday night
Every wicked hour, I think about just you right by my side And I cant wait much longer, wanna show you how I feel for you tonight Saturday is the only day I wake up thinkin bout Cuz any other day is just another day no doubt Cuz everytime I think about you thoughts go trough my mind And everybody is working for the weekend Everything is on my mind on saturday night Do knock out all my fellows with their hunneysz by my side The DJ plays a record till it hits the morning light And everythings gonna be OK, Cuz its a saturday
Everything is on my mind on saturday night Do knock out all my fellows with their hunneysz by my side The DJ plays a record till it hits the morning light And everythings gonna be OK, Cuz its a saturday Aint thinkin bout Monday or Thuesday or Wednesday Its allright Aint thinkin bout Thursday or Friday cuz tonight its Saturday night
(CZOLGOSZ)
I did it because it was wrong for one man
to have so much service when other men have none...
(BOOTH)
I did it to bring down the government of
Abraham Lincoln and to avenge the ravaged South...
(HINCKLEY)
I did it to prove to her my everlasting love...
(FROMME)
I did it to make them listen to Charlie...
(ZANGARA)
I did it 'cause my belly was on fire...
(GUITEAU)
I did it to preserve the Union and promote the
sale of my book...
(MOORE)
I did it so my friends would know where I was
coming from...
(BYCK)
Where's my prize?
(CZOLGOSZ)
I did it because no on cared about the poor man's pain...
(MOORE)
I did it so I'd know where I was coming from...
(BYCK)
I want my prize...
(ZANGARA)
I did it 'cause the bosses made my belly burn...
(HINCKLEY)
I did it so she'd pay attention...
(MOORE)
So I'd have someplace to come from, and someplace
to go...
(BYCK)
Don't I get a prize?
(GUITEAU)
I did it 'cause they said I'b be Ambassador to France...
(BOOTH)
I did it so they'd suffer in the North the way we'd
suffered in the South...
(BYCK)
I deserve a fucking prize!...
(FROMME)
I did it so there'd be a trial, and Charlie would get to
be a witness, and he'd be on TV, and he'd save the world!...
(GUITEAU)
Where's my prize?
(BYCK)
I did it to make people listen.
(CZOLGOSZ, FROMME)
They promised me a prize...
(HINCKLEY)
Because she wouldn't take my phone calls-
(ALL (Except Zangara)
What about my prize?
(ZANGARA)
Because nothing stopped the fire-!
(ALL (Except Byck)
I want my prize!...
(BYCK)
Nobody would listen!
(BALLADEER)
And it didn't mean a nickel,
You just shed a little blood,
And a lot of people shed a lot of tears.
Yes, you made a little moment
And you stirred a little mud-
But it didn't fix the stomach
And you've drunk you're drunk you're final bud,
And it didn't help the workers
And it didn't heal the country
And it didn't make them listen
And they never said, "We're Sorry"-
(BYCK)
Yeah, it's never gonna happen,
Is it?
No, sir-
(CZOLGOSZ)
Never.
(BYCK)
No, we're never gonna get the prize-
(FROMME)
No one listens...
(BYCK)
-Are we?
(ZANGARA)
Never.
(BYCK)
No, it doesn't make a bit of difference,
Does it?
(OTHERS (Variously)
Didn't.
Ever.
(BYCK)
Fuck it!
(OTHERS)
Spread the word...
(ALL)
Where's my prize?...
(BALLADEER)
I just heard
On the news
Where the mailman won the lottery.
Goes to show:
When you lose, what you do is try again.
You can be
What you choose,
From a mailman to a president.
There are prizes all around you,
If you're wise enough to see:
The delivery boy's on Wall Street,
And the the usherette's a rock star-
(BYCK)
Right, it's never gonna happen, is it?
Is it!
(HINCKLEY, FROMME)
No, man!
(BYCK, CZOLGOSZ)
No, we'll never see the day arrive-
(ASSASSINS (Variously)
Spread the word...
Will we?
No, sir-
Never!
No one's ever even gonna care if we're alive,
Are they?...
Never...
Spread the word...
We're alive...
Someone's gonna listen...
Listen!
(BYCK)
Listen...
There's anothe national anthem playing,
Not the one you cheer
At the ball park.
(MOORE)
Where's my prize?...
(BYCK)
It's the other national anthem, saying,
If you want to hear-
It says, "Bullshit!"...
(CZOLGOSZ)
It says, "Never!"-
(GUITEAU)
It says, "Sorry!"-
(OTHERS)
Loud and clear-
(ASSASSINS (Variously)
It says: Listen
To the tune that keeps sounding
In the distance, on the outside,
Coming through the ground,
To the hearts that go on pounding
To the sound
Getting louder every year-
Listen to the sound...
Take a look around...
We're the other national anthem, folks,
The ones that can't get in
To the ball park.
Spread the word...
There's another national anthem, folks,
For those who never win,
For the suckers, for the pikers,
For the ones who might have been...
(BALLADEER)
There are those who love regetting,
There are those who like extremes,
There are those who thrive on chaos
And despair.
There are those who keep forgetting
How the country's built on dreams-
(ASSASSINS)
People listen...
(BALLADEER)
-And the mailman won the lottery-
(ASSASSINS)
They might not want to hear it,
But they listen,
Once they thinks it's gonna stop the game...
(BALLADEER)
-And the usherette's a rock star.
(ASSASSINS)
No, they may not understand
All the words,
All the same
They hear the music...
They hear the screams...
(BALLADEER)
I've got news-
(ASSASSINS)
They hear the sobs,
They hear the drums...
(BALLADEER)
-You forgot about the country-
(ASSASSINS)
The muffled drums,
The muffled dreams...
(BALLADEER)
-So it's now forgotten you-
(ASSASSINS)
And they rise...
(BYCK)
You know why I did it?
Because there isn't any
Santa Clause!
(ASSASSINS)
Where's my prize?
(BALLADEER)
And you forgot-
(ASSASSINS)
What's my prize?
(BALLADEER)
-How quick it heals-
(ASSASSINS)
Promises and lies...
(BALLADEER)
-That it's a place
Where you can make the lies come true-
(ASSASSINS)
Spread the word...
(BALLADEER)
-If you try-
(ASSASSINS)
Gotta spread the word...
(BALLADEER)
-That's all you have to do-
(ASSASSINS)
Right,
All you have to do...
Well, there's another national anthem,
And I think it just began
In the ball park.
Listen hard...
Like the other national anthem
Say to each and every fan:
If you can't do what you want to,
Then you do the things you can.
You've got to try again!
Like they say,
You've go to keep on trying
Every day
Until you get a prize...
Until you get a prize...
Until you're heard...
Musn't get discouraged...
Spread the word...
Mustn't give up hope...
Up to you-
Don't say-
-What you choose...
-It's never gonna happen...
Spread the word...
(ALL)
You can always get a prize...
(BOOTH)
You can always get your dream...
(BYCK)
APRIL, KATHY, MARTA:
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!
You could drive a person crazy,
You could drive a person mad.
First you make a person hazy
So a person could be had,
Then you leave a person dangling sadly
Outside your door,
Which could only make a person gladly
Want you even more.
I could understand a person
If it's not a person's bag.
I could understand a person
If a person was a fag.
But worse 'n that,
A person that
Titillates a person and then leaves her flat
Is crazy,
He's a troubled person,
He's a truly crazy person himself.
KATHY:
When a person's personality is personable,
He should not sit like a lump.
It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull
To try to get you off of your rump.
So single and attentive and attractive a man
Is everything a person could wish,
But turning off a person is the act of a man
Who likes to pull the hooks out of fish.
APRIL, KATHY, MARTA:
Knock-knock! Is anybody there?
Knock-knock! It really isn't fair.
Knock-knock! I'm workin' all my charms.
Knock-knock! A zombie's in my arms.
All that sweet affection!
What is wrong?
Where's the loose connection?
How long, O Lord, how long?
Bobby-baby-Bobby-bubbi-Bobby,
You could drive a person buggy,
You could blow a person's cool.
Like you make a person feel all huggy
While you make her feel a fool.
When a person says that you upset her,
That's when you're good.
You impersonate a person better
Than a zombie should.
I could understand a person
If he wasn't good in bed.
I could understand a person
If he actually was dead.
Exclusive you!
Elusive you!
Will any person ever get the juice of you?
You're crazy,
You're a lovely person,
You're a moving,
Deeply malajusted,
Never to be trusted,
Crazy person yourself.
NARRATOR
And it came to pass, all that seemed wrong
was now right, and those who deserved to
were certain to live a long and happy life.
Ever after...
COMPANY
Ever after!
NARRATOR
Journey over, all is mended,
And it's not just for today,
But tomorrow, and extended
Ever after!
COMPANY
Ever after!
NARRATOR
All the curses have been ended,
The reverses wiped away.
All is tenderness and laughter
For forever after!
COMPANY
Happy now and happy hence
And happy ever after!
NARRATOR
There were dangers-
COMPANY
We were frightened-
NARRATOR
And confusions-
COMPANY
But we hid it-
NARRATOR
And the paths would often swerve.
COMPANY
We did not.
NARRATOR
There were constant-
COMPANY
It's amazing-
NARRATOR
Disillusions-
COMPANY
That we did it.
NARRATOR
But they never lost they're nerve.
COMPANY
Not a lot.
NARRATOR AND COMPANY
And they/we reached the right conclusions
And they/we got what they/we deserved!
Not a sigh and not a sorrow,
Tenderness and laughter.
Joy today and bliss tomorrow,
And forever after!
FLORINDA
I was greedy.
LUCINDA
I was vain.
FLORINDA
I was haughty.
LUCINDA
I was smug.
BOTH
We were happy.
LUCINDA
It was fun.
FLORINDA
But we were blind.
BOTH
Then we went into the woods
To get our wish,
And now we're really blind.
WITCH
I was perfect.
I had everything but beauty.
I had power,
And a daughter like a flower,
In a tower.
Then I went into the woods
To get my wish,
And now I'm ordinary.
Lost my power and my flower.
FLORINDA AND LUCINDA
We're unworthy.
FLORINDA, LUCINDA, WITCH
We're/I'm unhappy now, unhappy hence,
As well as ever after.
Had we used our common sense,
Been worthy of our discontents,
We'd be happy.
To be happy, and forever,
You must see your wish come true.
Don't be careful, don't be clever.
When you see your wish, pursue.
It's a dangerous endeavor,
But the only thing to do-
Though it's fearful,
Though it's deep, though it's dark,
And though you may lose your path,
Though you may encounter wolves,
You mustn't stop,
You mustn't swerve,
You mustn't ponder,
You have to act!
When you know your wish,
If you want your wish,
You can have your wish,-
No, to get your wish
You go into the woods,
Where nothing's clear,
Where witches, ghosts
And wolves appear.
Into the woods
And through the fear,
You have to take the journey.
Into the woods
And down the dell,
In vain, perhaps,
But who can tell?
Into the woods to lift the spell,
Into the woods to lose the longing,
Into the woods to have the child,
To wed the Prince,
To get the money,
to save the house,
To kill the Wolf,
To find the father,
To conquer the kingdom,
To have, to wed,
To get, to save,
To kill, to keep,
To go to the festival!
Into the woods,
Into the woods,
Into the woods,
Then out of the woods
PIRELLI (sung)
I am Adolfo Pirelli
Da king of da barbers
Da barber of kings
E Buon Giorno, good day
I blow you a kiss
And I, da so famous Pirelli
I wish-a to know-a who has-a the nerve-a to say
My elixir is piss!
Who says this?
TODD (spoken)
I do. I'm Mr. Sweeney Todd from Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir and I say to you, it is nothing but
an arrant fraud, concocted from piss and ink. Furthermore, Signor, I have serviced no kings, yet I wager that I can shave a
cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank.
PIRELLI (spoken)
You hear dis foolish man? Now please you will see how he will regret his folly!
TODD (spoken)
Who's for a free shave? Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?
BAMFORD (spoken)
Glad, as always to oblige my friends and neighbours! The fastest, smoothest shave, is the winner!
PIRELLI (sung)
Now signorini, signori
We mix-a da lather
But first-a you gather
Around signorini, signori
You looking a man
Who had-a da glory
To shave-a da pope
Misterr Sweeney, whoever
I beg-a da pardon
You'll probably say-a it was only a cardinal
Nope!
It was-a da pope!
To shave-a da face
To cut-a da hair
Require a grace
Require da flare
For if-a you slip
You nick da skin
You clip-a da chin
You rip-a da lip a bit beyond-a repair
To shave-a da face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require da heart
Not just-a da flash
It take-a Panash
It take-a da passion for da art
To shave-a da face
To trim-a da beard
To make-a da bristle
Clean like a whistle
Dis is from early infancy
Da talent give to me by God
It take-a da skill
It take-a da brains
It take-a da will
To take-a da pains
It take-a da pace
It take-a da grace
BAMFORD (spoken)
BAKER
No more questions,
Please.
No more tests.
Comes the day you say, "What for?"
Please- no more.
MYSTERIOUS MAN
They disappoint,
They disappear,
They die but they don't...
BAKER
What?
MYSTERIOUS MAN
They disappoint
In turn, I fear.
Forgive, though, they won't...
BAKER
No more riddles.
No more jests.
No more curses you can't undo,
Left by fathers you never knew.
No more quests.
No more feelings.
Time to shut the door.
Just- no more.
MYSTERIOUS MAN
Running away- let's do it,
Free from the ties that bind.
No more depair
Or burdens to bear
Out there in the yonder.
Running away- go to it.
Where did you have in mind?
Have to take care:
Unless there's a "where,"
You'll only be wandering blind.
Just more questions.
Different kind.
Where are we to go?
Where are we ever to go?
Running away- we'll do it.
Why sit around, resugned?
Trouble is, son,
The farther you run,
The more you feel undefined
For what you've left undone
And, nore, what you've left behind.
We disappoint,
We leave a mess,
We die but we don't...
BAKER
We disappoint
In turn, I guess.
Forget, though, we won't...
BOTH
Like father, like son.
BAKER
No more giants
Waging war.
Can't we just pursue out lives
With out children and our wives?
'Till that happy day arrives,
How do you ignore
All the witches,
All the curses,
All the wolves, all the lies,
The false hopes, the goodbyes,
The reverses,
All the wondering what even worse is
Still in store?
All the children...
All the giants...
Mrs. Lovett:
There was a barber and his wife,
And he was beautiful,
A proper artist with a knife,
But they transported him for life.
And he was beautiful...
[Spoken]
Barker his name was-- Benjamin Barker.
Todd: [Spoken]
Transported? What was his crime?
Mrs. Lovett: [Spoken]
Foolishness.
He had this wife, you see,
Pretty little thing.
Silly little nit
Had her chance for the moon on a string--
Poor thing, poor thing.
There were these two, you see,
Wanted her like mad,
One of 'em a judge,
T'other one his beadle.
Every day they'd nudge
And they'd wheedle.
Still she wouldn't budge
From her needle.
Too bad. Pure thing.
So they merely shipped the poor blighter off south, they did,
Leaving her with nothing but grief and a year-old kid.
Did she use her head even then? Oh no, God forbid!
Poor fool.
Ah, but there was worse yet to come--
Poor thing.
[Spoken]
Johanna, that was the baby's name.
Pretty little Johanna...
Todd: [Spoke]
Go on.
Mrs. Lovett: [Spoken]
My, but you do like a good story, don't you?
Well, Beadle calls on her, all polite,
Poor thing, poor thing.
The judge, he tells her, is all contrite,
He blames himself for her dreadful plight,
She must come straight to his house tonight!
Poor thing, poor thing.
Of course, when she goes there,
Poor thing, poor thing,
They're havin' this ball all in masks.
There's no one she knows there,
Poor dear, poor thing,
She wanders tormented, and drinks,
Poor thing.
The judge has repented, she thinks,
Poor thing.
"Oh, where is Judge Turpin?" she asks.
He was there, all right--
Only not so contrite!
She wasn't no match for such craft, you see,
And everone thought it so droll.
They figured she had to be daft, you see,
So all of 'em stood there and laughed, you see.
Poor soul!
Poor thing!
Todd: [Spoken]
Would no one have mercy on her?!
Mrs. Lovett: [Spoken]
(PROPRIETOR)
Hey, pal- feelin' blue?
Don't know what to do?
Hey, pal - I mean you-
Yeah. C'mere and kill a president.
No job? Cupboard bare?
One room, no one there?
Hey, pal, don't despair-
You wanna shoot a president?
C'mon and shoot a president...
Some guys
Think they can be winners.
First prize often goes to rank beginners.
(CZOLGOSZ)
How much?
(PROPRIETOR)
Four-fifty. Ivor johnson. .32. Rubber handle. Owls stamped on the sides.
(CZOLGOSZ)
All right, give me.
(PROPRIETOR)
Hey, kid, failed your test?
Dream girl unimpressed?
Show her you're the best
If you can shoot a president-
You can get the prize
With the big blue eyes,
Skinny little thighs
And those big blue eyes...
Everybody's
Got the right
To be happy.
Don't stay mad,
Life's not as bad
As it seems.
If you keep your
Goal in sight,
You can climb to
Any height.
Everybody's
Got the right
To their dreams...
(HINCKLEY)
Deal
(CZOLGOSZ)
Mister-
(HINCLKEY)
I said "deal"
(CZOLGOSZ)
You. Wait your turn.
(HINCKLEY)
It is my turn.
(CZOLGOSZ)
I was here first-
(PROPRIETOR)
Watch it now, no violence!
(PROPRIETOR)
Hey, fella,
Feel like you're a failure?
Bailiff on your tail? Your
Wife run off for good?
Hey, fella, fell misunderstood?
C'mere and kill a president...
(GUITEAU)
Okay!
(ZANGARA)
Marron...
(PROPRIETOR)
What's-a wrong, boy?
Boss-a treat you crummy?
Trouble with your tummy?
This-a bring you some relief.
Here, give
Some hail-a to da chief-
(ZANGARA)
You gimme prize-
(PROPRIETOR)
Anything you want.
(ZANGARA)
I want prize. You gimme prize!
(PROPRIETOR)
Only eight bucks. Cheap for "anything you want."
Everybody's
Got the right
To be different
Even though
At times they go
To extremes.
Aim for what you
want a lot-
Everybody
Gets a shot.
Everybody's
Got a right
To their dreams-
Yo, baby!
Looking for a thrill?
The Ferris Wheel is that way.
No, baby,
This requires skill-
Okay, you want to give it a try...
Jeez, lady-!
Give the guy some room!
The bumper cars are that way.
Please, lady-
Don't forget that guns can go boom...
(PROPRIETOR)
Hey, gang,
Look who's here.
There's our
Pioneer.
Hey, chief.
Lound and clear:
(BOOTH)
Everybody's
Got the right
To be happy.
Say, "Enough!"
It's not as tough
As it seems.
Don't be scared
You won't prevail,
Everybody's
Free to fail,
No one can be put in jail
For their dreams.
Free country-!
(PROPRIETOR)
-Means your dreams can come true:
(BOOTH)
Be a scholar-
(PROPRIETOR)
Make a dollar-
(BOOTH, PROPRIETOR)
Free country-!
(BOOTH)
-Means they'll listen to you:
(PROPRIETOR)
Scream and holler-
(BOOTH)
Grab 'em by the collar!
(BOOTH, PROPRIETOR)
Free country-!
(BOOTH)
-Means you dont have to sit-
(PROPRIETOR)
That's it!
(BOOTH)
-And put up with the shit.
(ASSASSINS)
Everybody's
Got the right
To some sun shine-
(BOOTH)
Everybody...
(ASSASSINS)
Not the sun
But maybe one
Of its beams.
One of its beams.
(ALL)
Rich man, poor man
Black or white,
pick your apple,
Take a bite,
Everybody
Just hold tight
To your dreams.
Everybody's
Got the right
Marry me a little,
Love me just enough.
Cry, but not too often,
Play, but not too rough.
Keep a tender distance
so we'll both be free.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
Marry me a little,
Do it with a will.
Make a few demands
I'm able to fulfill.
Want me more than others,
Not exclusively.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
You can be my best friend,
I can be your right arm.
We'll go through a fight or two--
No harm, no harm.
We'll look not too deep,
We'll go not too far.
We won't have to give up a thing,
We'll stay who we are.
Right?
Okay, then.
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
Someone--
Marry me a little,
Love me just enough.
Warm and sweet and easy,
Just the simple stuff.
Keep a tender distance
So we'll both be free.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
Marry me a little,
Body, heart, and soul.
Passionate as hell
But always in control.
Want me first and foremost,
Keep me company.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
Oh, how gently we'll talk,
Oh, how softly we'll tread.
All the stings,
The ugly things
We'll keep unsaid.
We'll build a cocoon
Of love and respect.
You promise whatever you like,
I'll never collect.
Right?
Okay, then.
I'm ready.
I'm ready now.
Someone--
Sondeim Stephen
Into The Woods
Cinderella At The Grave
Narrator
Conderella had planted a branch at the grave of her Mother,
and many tears watered it until it had become
a handsome tree.
Cinderella
I've been good and i've been kind, Mother,
Doing only what i learned from you.
Why then am i left behind, Mother,
Is there somthing more that I should do?
What is wrong with me, Mother?
Something must be wrong.
I wish-
Cinderella's Mother
Do you know what you wish?
Are you certain what you wish is what you want?
If you know what you want,
Then make a wish,
Ask the tree
And you shall have your wish.
Cinderella
Shiver and quiver, little tree,
Silver and gold throw down on me.
Pirelli's Miracle Elixer
Toby
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, please!
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair,
to discover your pillow is covered with hair,
or what not should be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken at ease!
You need never again have a worry or care,
I will show you a miracle, marvelous, rare.
Gentleman, you are about to see something
wot rose from the dead!
On the top of my head
T'was Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir,
That's what did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick sir?
Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!
how about a bottle mister?
only costs a penny guaranteed.
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir,
'Tis unique.
Rub a minute
Stimulatin', i'nt?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!
Sweeney Todd
pardon me ma'm what's that awful stench?
Mrs. Lovett
are we standing near an open drench?
Mrs. Lovett (said with Sweeney)
pardon me sir what's that awful stench?
Sweeney Todd (said with Lovett)
are we standing near an open drench?
Toby
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
anything will slick, sir, suits brass, curls
Try Pirelli's
when they see how thick, sir
you can have your pick, sir,
of the girls!
Wanna buy a bottle misses?
Sweeney Todd
What is this?
Mrs. Lovett
What is this?
Sweeney Todd
Smells like piss
Mrs. Lovett
Smells like, ew!
Sweeney Todd(said with Lovett)
What is this? This is piss. piss with ink
Mrs. Lovett (said with Sweeney)
I wouldn't touch it if i was you, dear
Toby
Let pirelli's activate your roots, sir
Sweeney Todd
keep it off your boots, sir, eats right through
Toby
you're scared pirelli's is usable and of it,
ladies seem to love it
Mrs. Lovett
[WITCH] What did I clearly say? Children must listen.
[RAPUNZEL] No, no, please!
[WITCH] What were you not to do? Childrem must see-
[RAPUNZEL] No!
[WITCH] And learn.
Why could you not obey? Children should listen. What have I been to you? What would you have me be? Handsome like a Prince?
Ah, but I am old. I am ugly. I embarass you.
[RAPUNZEL] No!
[WITCH] You are ashamed of me.
[RAPUNZEL] No!
[WITCH] You are ashamed. You don't understand.
[RAPUNZEL] It was lonely atop that tower.
[WITCH] I was not company enough?
[RAPUNZEL] I am no longer a child. I wish to see the world.
[WITCH] Don't you know what's out there in the world? Someone has to shield you from the world. Stay with me.
Princes wait there in the world, it's true. Princes, yes, but wolves and humans, too. Stay at home. I am home.
Who out there could love you more than I? What out there that I cannot supply? Stay with me.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
You've changed.
You're daring.
You're different in the woods.
More sure.
More sharing.
You're getting us through the woods.
If you could see-
You're not the man who started,
And much more openhearted
Than I knew
You to be.
[BAKER]
It takes two.
I thought one was enough,
It's not true:
It takes two of us
You came through
When the journey was rough.
It took you.
It took two of us.
It takes care.
It takes patience and fear and despair
To change.
Though you swear
To change,
Who can tell if you do?
It takes two.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
You've changed.
You're thriving.
There's something about the woods.
Not just
Surviving.
You're blossoming in the woods.
At home I'd fear
We'd stay the same forever.
And then out here-
You're passionate
Charming,
Considerate,
Clever-
[BAKER]
It takes one
To begin, but then once
You've begun,
It takes two of you.
It's no fun,
But what needs to be done
You can do
When there's two of you.
If I dare,
It's because I'm becoming
Aware of us
As a pair of us,
Each accepting a share
Of what's there.
[BOTH]
We've changed.
We're strangers.
I'm meeting you in the woods.
Who minds
What dangers?
I know we'll get past the woods.
And once we're past,
Lets' hope the changes last
Beyond woods,
Beyond witches and slippers and hoods,
Just the two of us-
Beyond lies,
Safe at home with out beautiful prize,
Just the few of us.
It takes trust.
It takes just
A bit more
And we're done.
We want four,
We had none.
We've got three.
We need one.
Look at that flesh, pink and plump
Hello, little girl
Tender and fresh, not one lump
Hello, little girl
This one's especially lush
Delicious, mmm
Hello, little girl, what's your rush?
You're missing all the flowers
The sun won't set for hours
Take your time
Mother said, "Straight ahead"
Not to delay or be misled
But slow, little girl, hark and hush
The birds are singing sweetly
You'll miss the birds completely
You're traveling so fleetly
Grandmother first then Miss Plump
What a delectable couple
Utter perfection, one brittle, one supple
One moment, my dear
Mother said, "Come what may
Follow the path and never stray"
Just so, little girl, any path
So many worth exploring
Just one would be so boring
And look what you're ignoring
Think of those crisp aging bones
Then something fresh on the palate
Think of that scrumptious carnality
Twice in one day
There's no possible way
To describe what you feel
When you're talking to your meal
Mother said, "Not to stray"
Still I suppose, a small delay
Granny might like a fresh bouquet
Goodbye, Mr. Wolf
Goodbye, little girl and hello
(BALLADEER)
Someone tell the story,
Someone sing the song.
Every now and then
The country
Goes a little wrong.
Every now and then
A madman's
Bound to come along.
Doesn't stop the story-
Story's pretty strong.
Doesn't change the song...
Johnny Booth was a handsome devil,
Got up in his rings and fancy silks.
Had him a temper but kept it level.
Everybody called him Wilkes.
Why did you do it, Johnny?
Nobody agrees.
You who had everything,
What made you bring
A nation to its knees?
Some say it was your voice had gone,
Some say it was booze.
Some say you killed a coutry, John,
Because of bad reviews.
Johnny lived with a grace and glitter.
Kind of like the lives he lived on stage.
Died in a barn in pain and bitter
Twenty-seven years of age.
Why did you do it, Johnny,
Throw it all away?
Why did you do it, boy,
Not just destroy
The pride and joy
Of Illinois,
But all the U.S.A.?
Your brother made you jealous, John,
You couldn't fill his shoes.
Was that the reason, tell us, John-
Along with bad reviews?
(BOOTH)
Damn!
(HEROLD)
They're coming! they'll be here any minute-
(BOOTH)
I need your help.
I've got to write this and I can't hold the pen
(HEROLD)
Johnny, they've found us!
We've got to get out of here!
(BOOTH)
Not till I finish this.
(HEROLD)
Johnny-
(BOOTH)
Have you seen these papers?
Do you know what they're calling me?!
A common cutthroat! A hired assassin!
This one says I'm mad!
(HEROLD)
We must have been mad to think that we could kill the president and get away with it!
(BOOTH)
We did get away with it!
He was a bloody tyrant and we brought him down!
And I will not have history think I did it for a bag of gold or in some kind of rabid fit!
(HEROLD)
Johnny we have to go-
(BOOTH)
No! I have to make my case!
And I need you to take it down!
(HEROLD)
We don't have time!
(BOOTH)
Take it down-
An indictment.
Of the former President of the United States,
Abraham Lincoln, who is herein charged
with the following high crimes and misdemeanors.
(BALLADEER)
They say you're ship was sinking, John...
(BOOTH)
One:
That you did ruthlessly provoke a war between the States,
which cost some six hundred thousand
of my countrymen their lives. Two:
(BALLADEER)
You'd started missing cues...
(BOOTH)
Two:
That you did silence your critics in the North,
by hurling them into prison without benefit of charge or trial. Three-
(BALLADEER)
They say it wasn't Lincoln, John.
(BOOTH)
Shut up! Three-
(BALLADEER)
You'd merely had a slew of bad
Reviews-
(BOOTH)
I said shut up!
(VOICE)
Booth! I have fifty soldiers out here Booth!
Give yourselves up or we'll set fire to the barn!
(HEROLD)
Don't shoot! I'm coming out!
(BOOTH)
I have given my life for one act, you understand?
Do not let history rob me of its meaning.
Pass on the truth! You're the only one who can.
Please...
(BALLADEER)
He said
"Damn you Lincoln,
You had your way-
(BOOTH)
Tell'em, boy!
(BALLADEER)
With blood you drew out
Of blue and gray!"
(BOOTH)
Tell it all!
Tell'em till they listen!
(BALLADEER)
He said,
"Damn you, Lincoln,
And damn the day
You threw the 'U' out
Of U.S.A!"
He said:
(BOOTH)
Hunt me down, smear my name,
say I did it for the fame,
What I did was kill the man who killed my country.
Now the Southland will mend,
Now this bloody war can end,
Because someone slew the tyrant
Just as Brutus slew the tyrant-
(BALLADEER)
He said:
(BALLADEER, BOOTH)
Damn you, Lincoln,
You righteous whore!
(BOOTH)
Tell'em!
Tell'em what he did!
(BALLADEER, BOOTH)
You turned your spite into Civil War!
(BOOTH)
Tell'em!
Tell'em the truth!
(BALLADEER)
And more...
(BOOTH)
Tell'em, boy!
Tell them how it happened,
How the end doesn't mean that it's over,
How surrender is not the end!
Tell them:
Hoe the country is not what it was,
Where there's blood in the clover,
How the nation can never again
Be the hope that it was.
How the bruises may never be healed,
How the wounds are forever,
How the How we gave up the field
But we still wouldn't yield,
How the union can never recover
From that Vulgar,
High and mighty
Niggerlover,
Never-!
Never. Never. Never.
No, the country is not what it was...
Damn my soul if you must,
Let my body turn to dust,
Let it mingle with the ashes of the country.
Let them curse me to hell,
Leave it to history to tell:
What I did, I did well,
And I did it for my country.
Let them cry, "dirty traitor!"
They will understand it later-
The country is not what it was...
(BALLADEER)
Johnny Booth was a headstrong fellow,
Even he believed the things he said.
Some called him noble, some said yellow.
What he was was off his head.
How could you do it, Johnny,
Calling it a cause?
You left a legacy
Of butchery
And treason we
Took eagerly,
And thought you'd get applause.
But traitors just get jeers and boos,
Not visits to their graves,
While Lincoln, who got mixed reviews,
Beacause of you, John, now gets only raves.
Damn, you Johnny,
You paved the way
For other madmen
To make us pay.
Lots of madmen
Have had their say-
But only for a day.
Listen to the stories.
Hear it in the songs.
Angry men
Don't write the rules
And guns don't write the wrongs.
Hurts a while,
But soon the country's
Back where it belongs,
And that's the truth.
Still and all,
Maids like me. I'm neat
I like maids. They're neat
Something no household should be without.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Everybody ought to have a working girl,
Everybody ought to have a lurking girl
To putter around the house.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Everybody ought to have a menial
Consistantly congenial
And quieter than a mouse.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious,
Tidying up the dishes, Neat as a pin.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
Sweeping out, Sleeping in.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who you hire when you're short of help
To offer you the sort of help
You never get from a spouse.
Fluttering up the stairway,
Shuttering up the windows,
Cluttering up the bedroom,
Buttering up the master,
Puttering all around the house!
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious,
Tidying up the dishes, Neat as a pin.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
Sweeping out, Sleeping in.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who in fetching you your slipper will
Be winsome as a whipporwill
And graceful as a grouse.
Skittering down the hallway,
Flittering through the parlor,
Tittering in the pantry,
Littering up the bedroom--
Puttering all around the house!
A maid? A maid. A maid. A maid!
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Everybody ought to have a serving-girl,
A loyal and unswerving girl,
Whose quieter than a mouse
Oh, oh, Think of her at the dustbin,
'Specially when she's just been Traipsing about.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
Living in, Giving out.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Daintily collecting bits of paper n' strings,
Appealing in her apron strings
Beguiling in her blouse
Pattering through the attic,
Chattering in the cellar,
Clattering in the kitchen,
Flattering in the bedroom,
Puttering all around the house!
The house!
The house!
The house!
A maid? A maid. A maid. A maid!
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who's efficient and reliable,
Obedient and pliable,
And quieter than a mouse!
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be so nimble,
Fiddling with her thimble, Mending her gown.
Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful,
Cleaning up, Leaning down.
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who'll be busy as a bumblebee
And even if you grumble, be
As graceful as a grouse.
Wriggling in the anteroom,
Jiggling in the living room,
Giggling in the dining room,
Wiggling in the other rooms,
Puttering all around the house!
The house!
The house!
(HINCKLEY)
I am nothing,
You are wind and water and sky,
Jodie.
Tell me, Jodie,
How I can earn you love.
I would swim oceans,
I would move mountains,
I would do anything for you.
What do you want me to do?
I am unworthy of your love,
Jodie, Jodie,
Let me prove worthy of you love.
Tell me how I can earn your love,
Set me free.
How can I turn your love
To me?
(FROMME)
I am nothing,
You are wind and devil and God,
Charlie,
Take my blood and my body
For your love.
Let me feel fire,
Let me drink poison,
Tell me to tear my heart in two,
If that's what you want me to do...
I am unworthy of you love,
Charlie darlin',
I have done nothing for your love.
Let me be worthy of your love,
Set me free-
(HINCKLEY)
I would come take you from you life...
(FROMME)
I would come take you from your cell...
(HINCKLEY)
You would be queen to me, not wife...
(FROMME)
I would crawl belly deep through hell...
(HINCKLEY)
Baby, I'd die for you...
(FROMME)
Baby, I'd die for you...
(HINCKLEY)
Even though-
(FROMME)
Even though-
(HINCKLEY)
I will always know:
(FROMME)
I will always know:
(HINCKLEY)
I am unworthy of
(FROMME)
I am unworthy of
(HINCKLEY)
Your love,
(FROMME)
Your love,
(HINCKLEY)
Jodie darlin',
(FROMME)
Charlie darlin',
(BOTH)
Let me worthy of your love.
I'll find a way to earn your love,
Wait and see.
Then you will turn your love to me,
You're always sorry
You're always grateful
You're always wondering what might have been
Then she walks in
And still you're sorry
And still you're grateful
And still you wonder
And still you doubt
And she goes out
Everything's different
Nothing's changed
Only maybe slightly rearranged
You're sorry-grateful
Regretful-happy
Why look for answers
Where none occur?
You always are
What you always were
Which has nothing to do with
All to do with her
You're always sorry
You're always grateful
You hold her thinking
I'm not alone
You're still alone
You don't live for her
You do live with her
You're scared she's starting
To drift away
And scared she'll stay
Good things get better
Bad get worse
Wait, I think I meant that in reverse
You're sorry-grateful
Regretful-happy
Why look for answers
Where none occur
You'll always be
What you always were
Which has nothing to do with
All to do with her
Nothing to do with
Antony
I have sailed the world
beheld its wonders
from the dardinells,
to the mountains of Peru,
But there's no place like London!
I feel home again...
I could hear the city bells ring...
Whatever would I do?
No there's...
Sweeney Todd
No place like London...
Antony (spoken)
Mr. Todd, sir
Sweeney Todd
You are young...
Life has been kind to you...
You will learn.
(Spoken) 'Tis here we go our seperate ways.
Farewell Antony.
I will not soon forget the good ship bountiful, nor the young man who saved my life.
Antony
(Spoken) There's no cause to thank me for that, sir.
It would have been a poor Christian indeed who would have spotted you
pinching and tossing on that raft and not given the alarm.
Sweeney Todd
(Spoken)
There's many a Christian would've done just that and not lost a winks sleep over it either.
Beggar Woman
(Sung) Alms, alms for a miserable woman, on a miserable chilly mornin'!
Thank ya, sir, thank ya...
How would ya like a little muff,
dear a little jig-jig,
a little bounce around the bush!
Wouldn't ya like to push me parsley?
It looks to me, dear, that you've got plenty there to push!
Alms, alms for a pitiful woman...
what's got wandering wits?
Hey! DOn't I know you, mister?
Sweeney Todd
Must you glare at me, woman?
Off with you!
Off I say!
Beggar Woman
Then how would ya like to split me muff?
Mister, we'll go jig-jig!
A little...
Sweeney Todd
Off I said!
To the devil with you!
Beggar Woman
Alms, alms for a pitiful woman!
Antony (Spoken)
Pardon me, sir, but there's no need to fear the likes of her,
she's only a half-crazed beggar woman...
London's full of them.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
I beg your indulgance, boy, my mind is far from easy.
For in the once familiar streets I feel a chill of ghostly shadows everywhere.
Forgive me.
Antony (spoken)
There is nothing to forgive.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
Farewell, Antony.
Antony (spoken)
Mr. Todd, before we part...
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
What is it?
Antony (spoken)
I have honored my promise never to question you.
Whatever brought you to that sorry shipwreck is your affair and yet, over
many weeks of our voyage home,
I've come to think of you as a friend,
and if trouble lies ahead for you in London, if you
need any help... or money.
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
(sung)
There's a whole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren't worth what a pin can spit
and it goes by the name of London.
At the top of the hole sit the previlaged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed...
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,
for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
but there's no place like London!
There was a barber and his wife
and she was beautiful...
a foolish barber and his wife.
She was his reason for his life...
and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous.
And he was nieve.
There was another man who saw
that she was beautiful...
A biased vulture of the law
who, with a gesture of his claw
removed the barber from his plate!
And there was nothing but to wait!
And she would fall!
So soft!
So young!
So lost and oh so beautiful!
Antony (spoken)
The lady, sir, did she, sir, come?
Sweeney Todd (sung)
Ah, that was many years ago...
I doubt if anyone would know.
(spoken)
Now leave me, Antony.
There is somewhere I must go,
something i must find out.
Now, and alone.
Antony (spoken)
But surely we will meet again before I am off to Plymouth?
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
If you want you may well find me around Fleet Street. I wouldn't wander.
(sung)
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
and it's filled with people who are filled with shit!
[NARRATOR]
And the Baker gave Jack five beans in exchange for his
cow,
keeping one for himself.
[JACK]
I guess this is goodbye, old pal,
You've been a perfect friend.
I hate to have to part, old pal,
Some day I'll buy you back.
I'll see you soon again.
I hope that when I do,
It won't be on a plate.
[BAKER]
Magic beans!
[BAKER'S WIFE]
No one would have given him more
for this creature.
[BAKER]
Are we to dispel this curse through deceit?
[BAKER'S WIFE]
If you know
What you want,
Then you go
And you find it
And you get it-
[BAKER]
Home.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
Do we want a child or not?
And you give
And you take
And you bid
And you bargain
Or youl ive
To regret it.
[BAKER]
Will you please go home?
[BAKER'S WIFE]
There are rights and wrongs
And in-betweens-
No one waits
When fortune intervenes.
Amd maybe they're really magic,
Who knows?
Why you do
What you do,
That's the point:
All the rest of it
Is chatter.
[BAKER]
Look at her. She's crying.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
If the thing you do
Is pure in intent,
If it's meant,
And it's just a little bent,
Does it matter?
[BAKER]
Yes.
[BAKER'S WIFE]
No, what matters is that
Everyone tells tiny lies.
What's important, really is, the size.
Only three more tries and we'll have our prize.
When the end's in sight,
You'll realize:
If the end is right,
It justifies
What can you lose? Only the blues. Why keep concealing everything you're feeling? Say it to her, what can you lose? Maybe it shows, She's had clues, which she chose to ignore. Maybe though she knows, And just wants to go on as before. As a friend, nothing more So she closes the door.
Well, if she does Those are the dues. Once the words are spoken, Something may be broken. Still, you love her What can you lose?
But what if she goes? At least now, you have part of her. What if she had to choose?
JENNY: Bobby...
PETER: Bobby...
AMY: Bobby baby...
PAUL: Bobby bubi...
JOANNE: Robby...
SUSAN: Robert darling...
DAVID: Bobby, we've been trying to call you.
JENNY: Bobby...
LARRY: Bobby...
AMY: Bobby baby...
PAUL: Bobby bubi...
SARAH: Angel, I've got something to tell you.
HARRY: Bob...
LARRY: Rob-o...
JOANNE: Bobby, love...
SUSAN: Bobby, honey...
AMY & PAUL: Bobby, we've been trying to reach you all day.
LARRY: Bobby...
HARRY: Bobby...
PETER: Bobby baby...
SARAH: Angel...
JOANNE: Darling...
DAVID & JENNY: The kids were asking, Bobby...
HARRY: Bobby...
SUSAN: Robert...
JOANNE: Robby...
PETER: Bob-o...
JOANNE & LARRY: Bobby, there was something we wanted to say.
SARAH & HARRY: Bobby...
PAUL: Bobby bubi...
AMY: Sweetheart...
SUSAN: Sugar...
DAVID & JENNY: Your line was busy.
PETER: What have you been up to, kiddo?
AMY & PAUL: Bobby, Bobby, how have you been?
HARRY: Fella...
SARAH: Sweetie,
HARRY & SARAH: How have you been?
PETER & SUSAN: Bobby, Bobby, how have you been?
DAVID, JENNY, JOANNE & LARRY: Stop by on your way home-
AMY & PAUL: Seems like weeks since we talked to you!
HARRY & SARAH: Bobby, we've been thinking of you!
PETER & SUSAN: Bobby, we've been thinking of you!
DAVID, JENNY, JOANNE & LARRY: Drop by anytime!
AMY & PAUL: Bobby, there's a concert on Tuesday.
DAVID & JENNY: Hank and Mary get into town tomorrow.
PETER & SUSAN: How about some Scrabble on Sunday?
HARRY & SARAH: Why don't we all go to the beach next weekend?
JOANNE & LARRY: Bob, we're having people in Saturday night.
JENNY: Bobby...
PETER: Bobby...
AMY: Bobby baby...
DAVID & JENNY: Whatcha doing Thursday?
HARRY: Bobby...
SARAH: Angel...
PAUL: Bobby bubi...
SARAH & HARRY: Time we got together, is Wednesday alright?
AMY: Bobby...
LARRY: Rob-o...
SUSAN: Bobby, honey...
AMY & PAUL: Eight o'clock on Monday.
JOANNE: Robby, darling...
PETER: Bobby fella...
JOANNE & PETER: Bobby baby...
ALL: Bobby, come on over for dinner!
We'll be so glad to see you!
Bobby, come on over for dinner!
Just be the three of us,
Only the three of us!
We looooove you!
ROBERT: Phone rings, door chimes, in comes company!
No strings, good times, room hums, company!
Late nights, quick bites, party games,
Deep talks, long walks, telephone calls,
Thoughts shared, souls bared, private names,
All those photos up on the walls
"With love,"
With love filling the days,
With love seventy ways,
"To Bobby with love,"
From all
Those
Good and crazy people, my friends
Those good and crazy people, my married friends
And that's what it's all about, isn't it?
That's what it's really about,
Really about!
APRIL: Bobby...
KATHY: Bobby...
MARTA: Bobby baby...
PAUL: Bobby bubi...
JOANNE: Robby...
SUSAN: Robert, darling...
SARAH: Angel, will you do me a favor?
LARRY: Bobby...
AMY: Bobby...
ROBERT: Name it, Sarah.
JENNY: Bobby baby...
PAUL: Bobby bubi...
PETER: Listen pal, I'd like your opinion.
HARRY: Bob...
LARRY: Rob-o...
ROBERT: Try me, Peter.
KATHY: Bobby love...
MARTA: Bobby honey...
LARRY & AMY: Bobby, there's a problem, I need your advice.
APRIL & PAUL: Bobby...
MARTA & HARRY: Bobby...
KATHY & PETER: Bobby baby...
SARAH: Angel...
JOANNE: Darling...
APRIL, KATHY & MARTA: Just half an hour...
ROBERT: Amy, can I call you back tomorrow?
DAVID & JENNY: Honey, if you'd visit the kids once or twice...
PETER & SARAH: Bobby...
JOANNE & HARRY: Bobby...
PAUL & MARTA: Bobby bubi...
AMY: Sweetheart...
SUSAN: Sugar...
APRIL, KATHY & MARTHA: What's happened to you?
ROBERT: Jenny, I could take them to the zoo on Friday.
WIVES: Bobby... Bobby... where have you been?
HUSBANDS: Fella... kiddo... where have you been?
APRIL, KATHY & MARTA: Bobby... Bobby... how have you been?
HARRY, PETER, SARAH & SUSAN: Stop by on your way home.
ROBERT: Susan, love, I'll make it after seven if I can.
WIVES: Bobby, dear, I don't mean to pry...
HUSBANDS: Bobby, we've been thinking of you!
APRIL, KATHY & MARTA: Bobby, we've been thinking of you!
AMY, DAVID, JENNY, JOANNE, LARRY, & PAUL: Drop by anytime!
ROBERT: Sorry, Paul, I made a date with Larry and Joanne.
WIVES: Bobby, dear, it's none of our business...
HUSBANDS: Lookit, pal, I have to work Thursday evening...
WIVES: Darling, you've been looking peculiar...
HUSBANDS: Bobby boy, you know how I hate the opera...
WIVES: Funny thing, your name came up only last night...
ROBERT: Harry... David... Kathy, I...
APRIL, KATHY & MARTA: I shouldn't say this, but...
ROBERT: April... Marta... Listen, people...
WIVES: Bobby, we've been worried, you sure you're all right?
HUSBANDS: Bobby... Bobby... Bobby baby...
APRIL, KATHY & MARTA: Did I do something wrong?
HUSBANDS: Bobby bubi, Bobby fella, Bobby, Bobby...
ALL EXCEPT ROBERT: Bobby, come on over for dinner!
We'll be so glad to see you!
Bobby, come on over for dinner!
Just be the three of us,
Only the three of us,
We loooooooooove you!
ALL: Phone rings, door chimes, in comes company!
No strings, good times, just chums, company!
Late nights, quick bites, party games,
Deep talks, long walks, telephone calls,
Thoughts shared, souls bared, private names,
All those photos up on the walls
"With love,"
With love filling the days,
With love seventy ways,
"To Bobby, with love"
From all
Those
Good and crazy people, my friends,
Those good and crazy people, my married friends!
And that's what it's all about, isn't it?
That's what it's really about, isn't it?
That's what it's really about, really about?
HUSBANDS: Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
WIVES, APRIL, KATHY & MARTA: Love...
HUSBANDS: Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
ROBERT: You I love, and you I love, and you and you and you I love,
And you I love, and you I love, and you and you and you I love!
ALL: Company!
Company!
Company! Lots of
Company! Life is
Company! Love is
CINDERELLA
Mother cannot guide you.
Now you're on you're own.
Only me beside you.
Still, you're not alone.
No one is alone, truly.
No one is alone.
Sometimes people leave you
halfway through the wood.
Others may deceive you.
You decide what's good.
You decide alone.
But no one is alone.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
I wish...
CINDERELLA(To Little Red)
I know...
Mother isn't here now. BAKER(to Jack)
Wrong things, right things...
Who knows what she'd say?
Who can say what's true?
Nothing's quite so clear now-
Do things, fight things...
Feel you've lost your way?
You decide, but
You are not alone, You are not alone.
Believe me.
No one is alone.
No one is alone,
Believe me.
Truly...
BOTH
You move just a finger,
Say the slightest word,
Something's bound to linger,
Be heard.
No one acts alone.
Careful, no one is alone.
CINDERELLA
People make mistakes. People make mistakes.
Fathers,
Mothers,
BOTH
People make mistakes,
Holding their own,
Thinking they're alone.
CINDERELLA
Honor their mistakes...
Fight for their mistakes-
Everybody makes-
BOTH
One another's
Terrible mistakes.
Witches can be right,
Giants can be good.
You decide what's right,
You dedide what's good.
CINDERELLA
Just remember:
BAKER
Just remember:
BOTH
Someone is on your side.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & JACK
Our side.
CINDERELLA & BAKER
Our side-
Someone else is not.
While we're seeing our side-
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & JACK
Our side...
CINDERELLA & BAKER
Our side-
Maybe we forgot:
They are not alone.
No one is alone.
CINDERELLA
Hard to see the light now.
BAKER
Just don't let it go.
BOTH
Things will come out tight now.
We can make it so.
Someone is on you side,
COMPANY (Variously):
The engine roared, the motor hissed,
And who could see how the road would twist?
In Sweeney's ledger the entries matched:
A beadle arrived, and a beadle dispatched
To satisfy the hungry god
Of Sweeney TODD,
ALL:
The Demon Barber of Fleet. ..
Street.
Sweeney! Sweeney!
Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney!
Sweeney!
Sweeeeeneeeeey!
INMATES
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeneeeeeeeeeeeeey...
Sweeneysweeneysweeneysweeney. ..
LUNATICS (In three contrapuntal groups):
City on fire!
Rats in the grass
And the lunatics yelling in the streets!
It's the end of the world! Yes!
City on fire!
Hunchbacks dancing!
Stirrings in the ground
And the whirring of giant wings!
Watch out!
Look!
Blotting out the moonlight,
Thick black rain falling on the
City on fire!
City on fire!
City on fire!
JOHANNA:
Will we be married on Sunday?
That's what you promised,
Married on Sunday!
That was last August.. .
Kiss me!
LUNATICS:
City on fire!
Rats in the streets
And the lunatics yelling at the moon!
It's the end of the world! Yes!
City on fire!
Hunchbacks kissing!
Stirrings in the graves
And the screaming of giant winds!
Watch out! Look!
Crawling on the chimneys,
Great black crows screeching at the
City on fire!
City on fire!
City on fire!
MRS. LOVETT:
Toby!
Where are you, love?
TODD:
Toby!
Where are you, lad?
MRS. LOVETT:
Nothing's gonna harm you . . .
TODD:
Toby!
MRS. LOVETT:
Not while I'm around ...
TODD :
Toby!
MRS. LOVETT:
Where are you hiding?
Nothing's gonna harm you,
Darling . . .
TODD:
Nothing to be afraid of, boy...
MRS. LOVETT:
Not while I'm around.
TODD:
Toby...
MRS. LOVETT :
Demons are prowling everywhere
Nowadays ...
TODD:
Toby...
LUNATICS:
City on fire!
Rats in the streets
And the lunatics yelling at the moon!
It's the end of the world! Yes!
BEGGAR WOMAN:
Beadle! ... Beadle! . . .
No good hiding, I saw you!
Are you in there still,
Beadle? ... Beadle? ...
Get her, but watch it!
She's a wicked one, she'll deceive you
With her fancy gowns
And her fancy airs
And her —
Mischief! Mischief!
Devil's work!
Where are you, Beadle?
Beadle ...
LUNATICS:
City on fire!
Rats in the streets
And the lunatics yelling at the moon!
It's the end of the world! Good!
City on fire!
Hunchbacks kissing!
Stirrings in the graves
And the screaming of giant winds!
Watch out! Look!
Crawling on the chimneys,
Great black crows screeching at the
City on fire! . ..
ANTHONY: Mr. TODD?
JOHANNA: No one here. Where is this Mr. TODD?
ANTHONY:
No matter. He'll be back in a moment, for I trust him
as I trust my right arm.
Wait for him here — I'll return with the coach in less
than half an hour.
JOHANNA: But they are after us still. What if they
trace us here?
Oh, Anthony, please let me come with you.
ANTHONY: No, my darling, there is no safety for you on
the street.
JOHANNA: But dressed in these sailor's clothes, who's
to know it is I?
ANTHONY: No, the risk is too great.
Ah, miss,
Look at me, look at me, miss, oh,
Look at me please, oh,
Favor me, favor me with your glance.
Ah, miss,
Soon we'll be, soon we'll be gone
And sailing the seas
And happily, happily wed
In France.
both:
And we'll sail the world
And see its wonders
From the pearls of Spain
To the rubies of Tibet—
ANTHONY.
And then come home to
London.
JOHANNA:
And then home.
Some day. Some day.
ANTHONY: And I'll be back before those lips have time
to lose that smile.
BEGGAR WOMAN:
Beadle! ...
Beadle!
Where are you?
Beadle, dear!
Beadle!
JOHANNA: Someone calling the beadle! I knew it!
BEGGAR WOMAN:
Beadle deedle deedle deedle deedle dumpling,
Beadle dumpling, Be-deedle dumpling . ..
And why should you weep then, my jo, my jing?
Ohh . . .
Your father's at tea with the Swedish king.
He'll bring you the moon on a silver string.
Ohh .. .
Ohh ...
Quickly to sleep then, my jo, my jing,
He'll bring you a shoe and a wedding ring.
Sing here again, home again,
Come again spring.
He'll be coming soon now
To kiss you, my jo, my jing,
Bringing you the moon
And a shoe and a wedding ring.
He'll be coming here again,
Home again . . .
TODD: You! What are you doing here?
BEGGAR WOMAN: Ah, evil is here, sir.
The stink of evil — from below — from her! Beadle dear,
beadle!
TODD: Out of here, woman.
BEGGAR WOMAN: She's the Devil's wife! Oh, beware her,
sir. Beware of her.
She with no pity in her heart.
TODD: Out, I say!
BEGGAR WOMAN:
Hey, don't I know you, mister?
TODD: The Judge. I have no time.
JUDGE: Where is she? Where is the girl?
TODD: Below, your Honor. In the care of my neighbor,
Mrs. Lovett.
Thank heavens the sailor did not molest her.
Thank heavens too, she has seen the error of her ways.
JUDGE: She has?
TODD: Oh yes, your lesson was well learned, sir.
She speaks only of you, longing for forgiveness.
JUDGE: And she shall have it. She'll be here soon, you
say?
TODD:
I think I hear her now.
JUDGE: Oh, excellent, my friend!
TODD:
Is that her dainty footstep on the stair?
JUDGE: I hear nothing.
TODD:
Yes, isn't that her shadow on the wall?
JUDGE: Where?
TODD: There!
Primping,
Making herself even prettier than usual —
JUDGE:
Even prettier ...
TODD:
If possible.
JUDGE:
Ohhhhhhh,
Pretty women!
TODD:
Pretty women, yes ...
JUDGE: Quickly, sir, a splash of bay rum!
TODD: Sit, sir, sit.
JUDGE:
JOHANNA,JOHANNA.. .
TODD:
Pretty women . . .
JUDGE: Hurry, man!
TODD:
Pretty women
Are a wonder . . .
JUDGE: You're in a merry mood again today, barber.
TODD:
Pretty women!
JUDGE:
What we do for
TODD:
Pretty women! Pretty women!
Blowing out their candles Blowing out their candles
Or combing out their hair — Or combing out their hair,
Then they leave —
Even when they leave you Even when they leave,
And vanish, they somehow They still
Can still remain Are there,
There with you there ... They're there . ..
JUDGE: How seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit!
TODD: With fellow tastes — in women, at least.
JUDGE: What? What's that?
TODD: The years no doubt have changed me, sir.
But then, I suppose, the face of a barber — the face of
a prisoner in the
dock — is not particularly memorable.
JUDGE:
Benjamin Barker!
TODD:
Rest now, my friend,
Rest now forever.
Sleep now the untroubled
Sleep of the angels ...
COMPANY:
Lift your razor high, Sweeney!
Hear it singing, "Yes!"
Sink it in the rosy skin
Of righteousness!
MRS. LOVETT: Die! Die! God in heaven — die! You! Can it
How all the demons of Hell come to torment me!
TODD: Why did you scream? Does the JUDGE still live?
MRS. LOVETT: He was clutching, holding on to my skirt,
but now — he's finished.
TODD: Leave them to me. Open the doors.
MRS. LOVETT: No! Don't touch her!
TODD: What is the matter with you?
It's only some meddling old beggar - Oh no, Oh
God..."Don't I know you?" she said...
You knew she lived.
From the first moment that I walked into your shop you
knew my Lucy lived!
MRS. LOVETT: I was only thinking of you!
TODD:
Lucy. . .
MRS. LOVETT: Your Lucy!
A crazy hag picking bones and rotten spuds out of alley
ash-cans!
Would you have wanted to know that was all that was
left of her?
TODD: You lied to me.
MRS. LOVETT:
No, no, not lied at all.
No, I never lied.
TODD:
Lucy...
MRS. LOVETT:
Said she took the poison — she did —
Never said that she died —
Poor thing,
She lived —
TODD:
I've come home again . . .
MRS. LOVETT:
But it left her weak in the head,
All she did for months was just lie there in bed —
TODD:
Lucy. . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Should've been in hospital,
Wound up in Bedlam instead,
Poor thing!
TODD:
Oh, my God . . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Better you should think she was dead.
Yes, I lied 'cos I love you!
TODD:
Lucy...
MRS. LOVETT:
I'd be twice the wife she was!
I love you!
TODD:
What have I done?...
MRS. LOVETT:
Could that thing have cared for you
Like me?
TODD:
Mrs. Lovett,
You're a bloody wonder,
Eminently practical and yet
Appropriate as always.
As you've said repeatedly,
There's little point in dwelling on the past.
MRS. LOVETT:
Do you mean it?
Everything I did I swear
I thought
Was only for the best,
Believe me!
Can we still be
Married?
No, come here, my love ..
Not a thing to fear,
My love . . .
What's dead
Is dead.
TODD:
The history of the world, my pet —
MRS. LOVETT:
Oh, Mr. Todd,
Ooh, Mr. Todd,
Leave it to me .. .
TODD:
Is learn forgiveness and try to forget.
MRS. LOVETT:
By the sea, Mr. Todd,
We'll be comfy-cozy,
By the sea, Mr. Todd,
Where there's no one nosy ...
TODD:
And life is for the alive, my dear,
So let's keep living it — !
BOTH:
Just keep living it,
Really living it — !
TODD:
There was a barber and his wife,
And she was beautiful.
A foolish barber and his wife,
She was his reason and his life.
And she was beautiful.
And she was virtuous.
And he was —
Naive.
TOBIAS:
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker man.
Bake me a cake —
No,no,
Bake me a pie —
To delight my eye,
And I will sigh
If the crust be high ...
Mr. TODD.
Pat him and prick him and mark him with B, and put him
JENNY: Bless this day,
Pinnacle of life
Husband joined to wife
The heart leaps up to behold
This golden day.
PAUL: Today is for Amy
Amy, I give you the rest of my life
To cherish and to keep you
To honor you forever
Today is for Amy,
My, happily, soon-to-be wife.
AMY: Pardon me, is everybody here?
Because if everybody's here,
I'd like to thank you all
For coming to the wedding.
I'd appreciate you going even more,
I mean, you must have lots of better things to do,
And not a word of it to Paul
Remember Paul? You know, the man I'm going to marry
But I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin anything
As wonderful as he is.
Thank you all for the gifts and the flowers,
Thank you all, now it's back to the showers
Don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today.
JENNY: Bless this day,
Tragedy of life
Husband bound to wife
The heart leaps up
And feels dead
This dreadful day.
AMY: Listen everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for
A wedding. What's a wedding? It's a prehistoric ritual
Where everybody promises fidelity forever,
Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of,
Which is followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize
He's saddled with a nut, and want to kill me, which he should.
Thanks a bunch, but I'm not getting married
Go have lunch, 'cause I'm not getting married
You've been grand, but I'm not getting married
Don't just stand there, I'm not getting married
And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today.
Go! Can't you go?
Why is nobody listening?
Goodbye! Go and cry
At another person's wake.
If you're quick, for a kick
You could pick up a christening
But please, on my knees,
There's a human life at stake!
Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear
Or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you?
It isn't only Paul who would be ruining his life
You know, we'll both of us be losing our identities
I telephoned my analyst about it, and he said to see him Monday
But by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage.
I'm not well, so I'm not getting married
You've been swell, but I'm not getting married
Clear the hall, 'cause I'm not getting married
Thank you all, but I'm not getting married
And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today.
JENNY: Bless this bride,
Totally insane
Slipping down the drain
And bless this day in our hearts
As it starts
To rain.
PAUL: Today is for Amy
Amy, I give you the rest of my life
To cherish and to keep you
To honor you forever
AMY: Go! Can't you go?
Look, you know I adore you all
But why watch me die
Like Eliza on the ice?
Look, perhaps I'll collapse
In the apse right before you all
So take back the cake
Burn the shoes, and boil the rice.
PAUL: Today is for Amy,
My, happily, soon-to-be wife
My adorable wife...
AMY: Look, I didn't want to have to tell you,
But I may be coming down with hepatitis, and I think I'm gonna faint
So if you want to watch me faint, I'll do it happily,
But wouldn't it be funnier to go and watch a funeral?
So thank you for the twenty-seven dinner plates,
Thirty-seven butter knives,
Forty-seven paperweights,
Fifty-seven candle holders
PAUL: One more thing...
AMY: I'm not getting married.
CHOIR: Amen!
PAUL: Softly said...
AMY: But I'm not getting married.
CHOIR: Amen!
PAUL: With this ring...
AMY: See, I'm not getting married!
CHOIR: Amen!
PAUL: I thee wed.
AMY: Still, I'm not getting married!
CHOIR: Amen!
PAUL: Let us pray that we are getting married
AMY: Let us pray that we're not getting married
PHILIA
I'm lovely,
All I am is lovely,
Lovely is the one thing I can do.
Winsome,
Radiant as in some,
Dream come true.
Isn't it a shame?
I can neither sew,
Nor cook, Nor read or write my name.
But I'm happy
Merely being lovely,
For it's one thing I can give to you.
HERO
Philia . . .
PHILIA
Yes?
HERO
Say my name.
PHILIA
Just say your name?
HERO
Yes.
PHILIA
Very well.
I have forgotten it.
HERO
It's Hero.
PHILIA
Oh, forgive me, Hero. I have no memory for names.
HERO
You don't need it. You don't need anything
You're lovely.
Absolutely lovely.
Who'd believe the lovelyness of you?
Winsome,
Sweet and warm and winsome,
Radiant as in some
Dream come true.
PHILIA
True!
PROTEANS
True!
HERO
Now Venus would seem tame,
Helen and her thousand ships
Would have to die of shame
PROTEANS
Lovely, Lovely
MM-MM-MM
BOTH
And I'm happy,
Happy that you're (I'm) lovely,
For there's one thing loveliness can do;
he's a very smart prince
he's a prince who prepares
knowing this time i'd run from him
he spread pitch on the stairs
i was caught unawares
and i thought,
well he cares
this is more than just malice
better stop and take stock
while you're standing here stuck
on the steps of the palace
you think what do you want
you think make a decision
why not stay and be caught,
you think, well, that's a lot
what would be his response
but then what if he knew who you were
when you know that you're not
what he thinks that he wants
and then what if you are
what a prince would envision
although how can you know who you are
til you know what you want
which you don't so then which do you pick
where you're safe, out of sight, and yourself
but where everything's wrong
or where everything's right and you know
that you'll never belong
and whichever you pick,
do it quick
cause you're starting to stick
to the steps of the palace
it's your first big decision
the choice isn't easy to make
to arrive at a ball is exciting and all
once you're there though, it's scary
and it's fun to decieve
when you know you can leave
but you have to be wary
there's a lot that's at stake
but you've stalled long enough
cause you're still standing stuck
in the stuff on the steps
better run along home
and avoid the collision
even though they don't care
you'll be better off there
where there's nothing to choose
so there's nothing to lose
so you pry up your shoes
then from out of the blue
and without any guide
you know what your decision is
which is not to decide
you'll just leave him a clue
for example... a shoe
and then see what he'll do
now it's he and not you who
is stuck with a shoe
in a stew
in the goo
and you've learned something too
something you never knew
