[Guitar solo from Zoot Allures
Sporthalle, Cologne, Germany
May 21, 1982
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ray White rhythm guitar
Steve Vai stunt guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bobby Martin keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]
Frankie! Frankie!
'Who Are The Brain Police?'!
Howard: This is neat!
Jeff: Spending a night in the motel
Howard: This is about the neatest Holiday Inn I've seen in days. The rooms are in Foon's name, hey? Look at that, wild coyotes!
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!
Mark: Okay, uh, you guys are gonna wait while I go in and check?
FZ: Yeah, you're the straightest looking member, so
Howard: Really, why don't you go in and see if you . . .
Mark: Yeah, man, right over there, right behind that car
Howard: Singles!
Mark: They're already set up that way, sure
Howard: Oh. Good.
Terry Bozzio (drums, background vocals)
Davey Moire (vocals)
Andre Lewis (organ, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (synthesizer, marimba)
Donnie Vliet (harmonica)
Louanne Neil (harp)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Sharkie Barker (background vocals)
(Instrumental)
Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ralph Humphrey (drums)
Sal Marquez (trumpet, vocals)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer)
Ruth Underwood (marimba, vibes, percussion)
Ian Underwood (flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone)
Jean-Luc Ponty (violin, baritone violin)
Ricky Lancelotti (vocals)
Three hunderd years ago
Thought I might get some sleep
Stretched myself out onna antique bed
An' my spirit did a midnight creep
You know I'll never sleep no more
To me it seem that is just ain't wise
Didja ever wake up in the mornin'
With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes
I am the ZOMBY WOOF
I'm the creature all the ladies been
Talkin' about
I am the ZOMBY WOOF
They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF
Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is...
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
The said aw-reety
An' they was aw-righty
An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady...
I got a great big pointed fang
Which is my Zomby Toof
My right foot is bigger than my other one is
Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof
If I raid your dormitorium
Don't try to remain aloof...
I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid
An' do it to you on the roof, don't mess with the
ZOMBY WOOF
I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!
Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF
Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF
(Underwood, Preston, FZ)
[Rainbow Theater, London, England
December 10, 1971]
....
Mike: You're just insulting me, aren't you? It's not funny, man
Ali: . . . tabii ya, tabii, tabii . . . eh, eh . . .
Mike: It's not funny . . . It ain't funny. He's just been talking about me for ten minutes
Moon: . . . be alone . . . with yourself inside a piano or . . . whatever . . . your piano . . . it's . . . it's really a metaphor for that . . . that spirit . . . that feeling of oneness . . .
Ali: Siz saatlerce, saatlerce konusuyorsunuz burada, yani, . . . artik biktim burasindan, be! Oturup boyle birsey . . . birsey bulsak da biz simidi, yani . . .
Moon: It's, It's . . . it's . . . fulfillment . . .
Mike: Fulfillment. I got something fulfilling, baby
Moon: The sages talk about this . . .
Ali: . . . sen soyleme . . .
Mike: Hey, yo my man . . . Hey, yo my man . . . worrrr d'up man . . . worrrrr d'up!
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: This is a piano
Ali: Des is a piano
Todd: And why are we in it?
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: A piano!
Ali: A piano . . . des is a piano . . .
Mike: Piano!
Ali: Klavier
Todd: Oh! I thought it was the men's room . . .
Mike: Piano!
Moon: Piano
Ali: Das es kein Computer
Mike: This ain't a computer!
Ali: Das es kein Computer! I sag des so oft, bis die des merken, verstehst . . .
Moon: Piano . . . that's a beautiful word. It can take you to that place inside yourself where you . . .
Mike: You still talking about the place but you ain't thinking about dis place: the piano!
Todd: Piano! Piano!
Moon: What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter how you get here
Gilly: That's it exactly, I guess. About Tom, no, no but to me all different . . . um . . . but I guess Tom was a human-is a human being with . . . feelings and sorrows and happinesses, as everyone else, but Tom would only show me so much
SNORK!
Spider: But is this a pregnant sow before me?
SNORK!
Spider: By the sound of the snork, I would gesture to say . . . I find myself turning into a pony
Howard: You, you there with the hard on!
FZ: With the hard on the little napkin in the small pocket mirror, would you please rise . . .
Mark: Brian Hyland, ladies and gentlemen!
Howard: Sit down, Aynsley! Not you
?: Shut up!
FZ: Ready?
Mark: Yes
FZ: Quick! Before these people [beware]
Jeff: Let me tell you right now, man, you got your armies, you got your rock bands.
You try and turn a rock band into an army, this is what you get
Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
You didn't try to call me, why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad) you're the one babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worried my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
And you didn't try, you didn't try, you didn't try
You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try, I'm so lonely
No metter who I take home, I keep calling your name
And you, (I need you so bad) You're the one babe
Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now
'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
I can't say what's wrong or what's right
All you've gotta do is call me babe
You make me feel so excited girl
I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met
That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears
from running down my face
I'm all alone at my place
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob Harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
David Ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David Logeman (drums)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Jimmy Carl Black (vocals)
Ahmet Zappa (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham...)
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
("Saffiiiee!")
From Amos 'n Andy
("Holy mack'l dere...Holy mack'l
dere!")
He tells you that chitlins...
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown
Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham...)
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
("UHURU!")
For some Jordache Jeans
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself
("I AIN'T NO NIGGER NO MORE...HEY! HEY! HEY!")
"I don't understand you..."
BWANA MA-COO-BAH
"Would you please speak more clearly..."
MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ
Who is who
(I don't know)
'N what is what
(Somethin' I just don't know...)
'N why is this
(Tell me now...)
Appropriot
(That's a funny pronunciation if'n ever
I heard one...)
If you don't like
(Where'd you get that word?)
What you has got
(Appropriot? The word is not...)
Drop it in the dirt
(Drop it yeah...)
'N let it rot
(I can smell it now...)
Someone else
(Here de come, here de come...)
Will surely come
(I told you they was comin')
'N pick it up
(That's right!)
'Cause he wants some
(An' he wants it for free...)
And when one day
(There will come a day...)
You wonder who
(I wonder too...)
You used to was
(Who I was anyway...)
'N what you do
(I used to work at the post office...)
You'll scratch your head
(But I don't wanna un-do my doo...)
'N look around
(Just to see what's goin' on)
But what you lost
(Can't seem to find it...)
Will not be found
(A Mercedes Benz...)
Do you what you are?
(I know...)
You are what you is
(I'm the kinda guy...)
You is what you am
(That ought to be drivin' a Mercedes Benz...)
A cow don't make a ham
(A four-fifty SLC...)
You ain't what you're not
(A big ol' red one...)
So see what you got
(With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk...)
You are what you is
(I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin'...)
An' that's all it is
(Gimme a five dollar bill...)
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(And an overcoat too...)
AND THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Robbie, take me to Greek Town...)
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband...)
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm goin' down to White Street, y'all...)
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(Gone down to the Mudd Club, 'n work
the wall...)
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
('N work the floor 'n work the pipe 'N
work the wall some more...
And here we are at the Mudd Club,
Y'all...
I hope you enjoy yourself, cause the
show's about
Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Wowie Zowie
Your love's a treat
Wowie Zowie
You can't be beat
Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so neat
I don't even care
If you shave your legs
Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so fine
Wowie Zowie, baby
Please be mine
Wowie Zowie
Up and down my spine
I don't even care
If you brush your teeth
I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I dreamed of you in the afternoon
Baum didi, baum didi, baum didi,
Baum didi, baum didi, baum didi
I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I had a flash in the afternoon
Wowie Zowie, baby
Love me do
Wowie Zowie
And I'll love you too
Wowie Zowie, baby
I'll be true
I don't even care
If your dad's the heat
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Terry Bozzio (drums, background vocals)
Davey Moire (vocals)
Andre Lewis (organ, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (synthesizer, marimba)
Donnie Vliet (harmonica)
Louanne Neil (harp)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Sharkie Barker (background vocals)
L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought me some wine
Oh, I drank it down under the table
I said: watch me now,
I'm gonna eat the label
Well I'm a wino man,
Don't you know I am?
36 - 24, hips about 30
I seen a fine lady
And I started talkin' dirty
Boy, she looked over at me
And she raised her thumb
She said: "Jam down the road
You bum ba bum bum
I'm a wino man,
Don't you know I am?
I went to the country,
And while I was gone
I lost control of my body functions
On a roller-headed lady's front lawn
I'm so ashamed,
But I'm a wino man
I can't help myself
I've been drinkin' all night
Till my eyes got red
Stumbled on the gutter
And busted my head
Bugs in my zoot suit,
Been scratchin' like a dog
I can't stand no water,
And I stink like a hog
Give me a five dollar bill,
And an overcoat too
Give me a five dollar bill,
And an overcoat too
A five dollar bill and an overcoat too
Dear Jim and PFI,
Enclosed are photos of my cock
And the wonderful tattoo John [Stackee] in Houston did for me.
We plan to continue the design on my balls the next time I'm in Houston.
I really enjoy PFIQ,
Someday I hope to visit L.A. and meet you.
Bob C.
2221-DCM
Dear PFIQ
Dear PFIQ friends
Dear Jim
Dear Jim and PFI
I still want it
I have come to a decision
For those that believe than . . . that bigger is better
Marine hardware stores carry a full line
Of stainless steel rings.
Enclosed are photos.
I just wanted to reassure a woman
Who want nipples pierced
I, frankly
Would rather have a fakir
I will send you a few other pictures as soon as I get them
2376
237-O
3134
2221
Plan
De-sign on my balls
The next time I'm in Houston
I really enjoy PFIQ
Someday I hope to visit L.A.
And meet you!
The only thing that surprises me
Is that every year I have the urge to have another hole
Do you think, Jim
That a gynaecologist
With the aid of your magazine could do a clit hood piercing?
Possibly one day the ultimate experience can be realized
I believe we are witnessing the evolution of a new type of man,
The quintessential being, a person who is totally modern
While at the same time primitive in desires and spirit
I feel this combination is rare in today society.
This type of person has the desire to get things done and it's...
This attribute will help both sides achieve
I'm seeking the quintessential man for myself
Through piercing, tattoos and education.
Possibly one day the ultimate experience can be realized.
My last sexual partner like the jewelry on most occasions
But not all
And I accidentally left the impaling jewelry out of all one night
And half the next day.
This here song might offend you some
If it does, it's because you're dumb
That's the way it is where I come from
If you've been there too, let me see your thumb
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're dumb
Hey now, better make a decision
Be a moron and keep your position
You oughta know now all your education
Won't help you no-how, you're gonna . . .
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
[includes part of Latex Solar Beef]
Mud Shark
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids mama),
Steam roller
(Gooey piles, baby!)
John: Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right?
Spider: Yeah, when it starts growing
John: Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones
Monica: What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ?
Spider: Ah, no, no
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Adrian Belew (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Andre Lewis (background vocals)
Randy Thornton (background vocals)
Davey Moire (background vocals)
David Ocker (clarinet)
Many well-dressed people
In several locations
Are kissing quite a bit
Later in the evening
Leaves will fall
Tears will flow
Wind will blow
Some rain; some snow
A fireplace maybe
A kiss or two
And down they'll go
But that's the way it goes sometimes
You just might find yourself in the clutches of some
Wild Love
Mama stroked his dinger
Daddy got a stinky finger
In those days of long ago
Later in the evening
She'd complain
They'd refrain
He'd go home and hone his bone
A tragic case maybe
But also true
I'm sure you know
But that's the way it goes sometimes
You just might find yourself in the clutches of some
Wild Love
Now'days you get dressed up
'N' later you get messed up
But still you're pretty hip
Later in the evening
You'll explain
She'll remain
You're real modern
She's the same
A frantic pace maybe
But who's to say
[Guitar solo from Pound For A Brown
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 17, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me pulled up tight
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
Say-in' baby please
Come back to me
You're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
And all I wanted was a wife
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
I been true to you
Now what you tryin' to do?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me pulled up tight
Why don'tcha do me right?
(But baby, I think I love you
But baby, I think I love you)
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
I wanna boogie yah all night
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Mike Keneally (guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Walt Fowler (trumpet)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Paul Carman (alto saxophone)
Albert Wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt McGettrick (baritone saxophone)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Eric Buxton (vocals)
"He's white, Jim..."
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Am I really that bad?
HE'S BAD, HE'S BAD
HE'S BAD, HE'S BAD
"I thing you're a jerk! I'm moving from you!"
"Make me a sandwich."
"I'm moving back to Venice."
"I'll be black."
"He's still white, Jim..."
I hate my mother
I hate my father
I hate my sister
And Germaine is a negro!
A NEGRO! A NEGRO!
A NEGRO! A NEGRO!
"I thought he looked good -- what happened to you?"
"Please read this pamphlet."
"I'm so BAD!"
You take the monkey, I'll take the llama,
We'll have a party: get me a Pepsi --
Michael is Janet, Janet is Michael --
I'm so confused now --
Who is Diana?
He's oxygenated
His nose is deflated
And he thinks he looks good to you
[FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Dweezil Zappa (guitar)
I been run down
Lord, an' I been lied to
An' I don't know why
I let that mean woman make out a fool
Well, she took all my money
An' wrecked my new car
Now she's with one of my good-time buddies,
Drinkin' in some cross-town bar
Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, well, to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
My friends tell me
Lord, that I been such a fool
But I have to stand back an' take it, baby
All for loving you
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you done
Nothin' seems to change;
That bad times stay the same,
And I can't run
Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, well, to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Ah! Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord
Yeah, Lord
Lord I been tied down
Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, oh Lord, to the whippin' post
Yeah, tied to the whippin' post
Well, I'm tied to the whippin' post
Yeah, Lord
Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord
You know, sometimes I really do believe
Well I believe
I said I believe
I said I do believe
I said I really do believe
Well, I must say it one more time,
I believe
There just ain't no such thing
As dyin'
I been run down
Lord, and I been lied to
And I don't know why
I let that mean woman make me out a fool
She took all my money
And wrecked my new car
And now she's with one of my good-time buddies
Drinkin' in some cross-town bar
Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
My friends tell me
That I been such a fool
I have to stand back an' take it, girl
All for loving you
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change
That bad times stay the same and I can't run
Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post
Oh, good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'
Sometimes times I feel, sometimes I feel
Like I been tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, ooh, oh, Lord Lord Lord
You know sometime, I try to believe
Frank Zappa
Ray Collins (tambourine)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (piano)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
(Instrumental)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Lowell George (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Thank you.
Audience:
No violence here, it's part of the. . .
Would you like to come up here and sing with us?
Come on, anybody can sing this stuff.
Audience:
Nahh, I wanna-wanna I wanna think that stuff.
You wanna what?
Audience:
Think it.
You wanna think it?
Audience:
Yeah, right.
Why dont you make up some words for us and well sing 'em.
Audience:
Johnny Velvet on the loose. Oooh, Yeah, Johnny Velvet.
Where is Johnny Velvet?
Audience:
Why don't you look inna Central Park? Help I'm a rock!
Help I'm a rock, you really want us to play that?
Audience:
Yeahhh, noo, yeah
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
What's the ugliest
Part of your body?
What's the ugliest
Part of your body?
Some say your nose
Some say your toes
But I think it's
YOUR MIND
I think it's your mind, woo woo
ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR
UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF
SYSTEMS BEYOND THEIR
CONTROL
A PLAGUE UPON YOUR
IGNORANCE & THE GRAY
DESPAIR OF YOUR UGLY LIFE
Where did Annie go
Whe she went to town?
Who are all those creeps
That she brings around?
ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR
UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF LIES
YOU BELIEVE
A PLAGUE UPON YOUR
IGNORANCE THAT KEEPS
THE YOUNG FROM THE TRUTH
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Adrian Belew (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Andre Lewis (background vocals)
Randy Thornton (background vocals)
Davey Moire (background vocals)
What ever happened to all the fun in the world?
Larry's not with us any more; he went on y'know
Yeah
Yeah
He bit the big one
Ahem
Yeah
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well, well
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well, well
You know I love you, honey, child
'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, honey, child
Nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
Y'know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
Zappa!
You know I want you, baby, please, don't go, well, well
You know I want you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, honey, child
'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
You know I want you, baby, please, don't go, well
Well, you know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
You know I love you, baby, please, don't go
You know I love you, honey, child
'Cause nothing I wouldn't do for you right now
I know I love you, baby, please, don't go, well
Yeah!
Reiner Romer: Ladies and gentlemen, here he goes, Peter Rundel, he seems to be disgusted. Whatever. Ridero ridera! [...] Ha ha ha! LAUGH NOW! (HA HA HA HA HA!) Be quiet! Von seiner Werkbank zu uns heute Abend hergekommen ist unser Hermann Kretzschmar wolle merm reinlasse? Laugh now! (HA HA HA HA HA!)
Welcome to the United States
This form must be completed by every nonimmigrant visitor not in possession of a visitor's visa.
Type or print legibly in pen in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. USE ENGLISH.
Item 7 - If you are entering the United States by land, enter LAND in this space. (LAND!) If you are entering the United States by ship, enter, unh-unh, SEA in this space.
Do any of the following apply to you? (Answer Yes or No)
(No! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!)
A. Do you have a communicable disease; (COUGH NOW! Coughs . . . ) physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict?
Tell me, Bill, Yes or No. (No) Louder. (No!)
B. Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude or a violation related to a controlled substance; or ever been arrested or convicted for two or more offenses for which the aggregate sentence to confinement was five years or more?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes! Yes, sir! Yes! No! No! No!)
Or been a controlled substance trafficker; or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activities?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes or No) Thank you!
C. Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?
Answer Yes or No. (Yes)
Thank you very much! And welcome to the United States!
Reiner Romer: Thank you very much! Here they go! Frank Zappa and Hermann Kretzschmar! Back on stage, Peter Rundel!
(traditional, arranged by FZ)
[Apostolic Studios, NYC
December, 1967-February, 1968
FZ guitar, bass
Art Tripp marimba, vibes
Don Preston keyboards
Jimmy Carl Black drums]
Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals, drum machine)
Steve Vai (guitar, acoustic guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (vocals)
Bob Harris (boy soprano)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (keyboards, bass, micro bass, rhythm guitar)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Dick Fegy (mandolin)
Marty Krystall (saxophone)
You-you-you-ooo
Look like a dor-r-r-k
You act like a dork
Most of the time, also
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
You are a double-dork butt rash
You are a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k!
Nobody wants to...
You are boring...you have nothing to say
You eat cheese -- you eat cheese and other things
You can can wrap up an' take with you
From the table
With Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You are a dork
You are a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k!
A double-dork butt rash
There's one in every crew -- do you know who you are?
We know, but we won't tell you
We don't want to hurt your feelings
But you're a dor-r-r-r-k!
Might as well admit it
When you're a dork
You're a dork, by the way
You're a dork
A double
A double dork butt rash
A double butt rash dork
Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You look like a dork
Look loke a dork
You act like a dork most of the time
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
Double dork
Double dork
Listen to him go!
Wait a minute; we gotta get somethin' real happenin' here
He's in there spendin' thousands of dollars 'n' shit...
We should make this worthwhile
We should
We should get into something REAL
Ho ho LEATHER!
No, man, he's not interested in Leather... shit
That shit's been fuckin' rubbed in the ground Hmmmm
Christ, that's goin' on two tours old now...
We gotta come up with some new shit ...
Girl #1: What's it like when . . . when they play the piano? Does it hurt your ears?
Larry: No, I found a corner
Girl #1: Yeah
Larry: Yeah
Girl #1: Soundproof
Larry: Well, not really soundproof but it doesn't bother you as much as outside . . . you you sneak in
Girl #1: Lucky you found such a big piano, you know
Larry: You sneak under the back, see? Way here down here. Get way down here here inside and when you hide in the corner, nobody can find you. See, they can't hear nothing 'cause it's cushioned
FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
Ah . . . e-hem . . .
Jim Gordon (drums)
John Guerin (drums)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Ralph Humphrey (drums)
Jack Bruce (bass)
Erroneous (bass)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Frank Zappa (bass, lead vocals, guitar)
George Duke (keyboards, background vocals)
Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (violin)
Jean-Luc Ponty (violin)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Ian Underwood (saxophone)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, background vocals)
Sal Marquez (trumpet)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Ray Collins (background vocals)
Kerry McNabb (background vocals)
Susie Glower (background vocals)
Debbie (background vocals)
Lynn (background vocals)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Robert Camarena (background vocals)
Whoa, are we moving too slow?
Have you seen us, Uncle Remus?
We look pretty sharp in these clothes
(Yes, we do)
Unless we get sprayed with a hose
It ain't bad in the day
If they squirt it your way
'Cept in the wintah, when it's froze
And it's hard if it hits, on your nose
(On your nose)
Just keep your nose
To the grindstone they say
Will that redeem us, Uncle Reemus?
I can't wait til mah 'fro is full grown
I'll just throw away my doo-rag at home
I'll take a drive to
Beverly Hills
Just before dawn
And knock the little jockeys
Off the rich peoples lawn
And before they get up
I'll be gone
(I'll be gone)
Before they get up
I'll be knockin' the jockeys off the lawn
(Down in the dew)
[includes The Uncle Meat Variations and some unidentified Synclavier music]
Filmed in Hollywood, California
1970 and 1982
starring:
Phyllis Smith (a.k.a. Phyllis Altenhaus)
Don Preston
Frank Zappa
cast (in order of appearance):
Carl Zappa
Aynsley Dunbar
Ray Collins
Meredith Monk
Massimo Bassoli
Francesca Fisher
Stumuk
playing themselves:
Haskell Wexler
The guy from Alabama
Motorhead Sherwood
Miss Lucy
Janet Neville-Ferguson
Linda Ronstadt
Rodney Bingenheimer
[0:00]
FZ: We're shooting the uh, title sequence for Uncle Meat right now, which is the name of the Mothers of Invention movie that we've been working on for about three years . . . without too much success.
Don: Boy, we really need a hit single . . . Just think, I mean, the way the world's going today . . . with all the problems in it . . . I think I can actually change the world, because it's the young people that really need to be changed, and, and you can really do that through music and everything . . . This was our last hit single . . . it was really a bummer, they wouldn't even play it on the radio . . . Oh, well, gotta come up with something better than that . . .
[1:34]
Don: Good evening, this is Biff Debris.
Phyllis: You know . . . it's too much, I know.
Don: Coming to you from the motel.
Phyllis: Look at that monster.
Don: Where . . .
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!
Phyllis: What are they laughing about? He looks so beautiful when they laugh . . .
Don: That's what my psychiatrist used to say . . .
Phyllis: Twelve years. It's the same story there with that song, I don't know what I'm doing, but look, look at the way he's changing . . . Oh, I remember that in the shower, the first time with the hamburger. Oh, that was good . . . But, I don't know, twelve years marriage, you get tired of the same thing. But I don't know, I can try it again sometime. Oh, look there's Minnesota! He was a great guy, Minnesota Tishman . . .
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era
Phyllis: He was a nice guy . . .
Don: Don't you feel it coming?
Phyllis: He was, he was okay in this time. He's washed up now, I heard about it though.
[2:20]
Ray: What is it you're doing, Mr. Tishman?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it
Aynsley: . . . pool?
Phyllis: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would ask him what he's doing.
Haskell Wexler: What the hell are we doing in this bathroom?
FZ: I'm going to . . . While you stand there and take pictures of that, I'm gonna tell you the, the plot of the movie. Alright. Basically what we're going to do, today, is spend some time around the house while you meet the people that you're going to be photographing for the rest of the week . . . and we discuss some of the absurdities . . .
Haskell Wexler: Absurdities?
FZ: Yes, we're just dealing with the . . . the absurdities of making the movie in the first place and especially about the Mothers of Invention . . .
[3:20]
Guy From Alabama: You wanna have a circle-jerk?
Aynsley: The who?
Guy From Alabama: Circle-jerk.
Aynsley: A circle jerk? What's that?
Guy From Alabama: That's where you get everybody around and bet yer meat and see who can get it the fastest.
Aynsley: Yeah?
Guy From Alabama: Yeah, and whoever wins gets nineteen kegs
Aynsley: Nineteen who?
Guy From Alabama: Kegs, you know . . .
Aynsley: Cakes of what?
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Aynsley: Cakes. Cheers. Yeah, anyway.
FZ: What could that possibly mean . . . hmmm, I wonder what happens if you go like this . . .
[3:42]
Ray: What is it that you're doing with this?
Carl: I'm using the . . .
FZ: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would talk to him while he was eating, and I would ask him what he's doing. And he would say, 'I'm using the chicken to measure it.'
Phyllis: Ok . . .
Don: Can I borrow your comb?
Phyllis: You know what I used to do?
Ray: What are you doing with that?
Phyllis: I used to watch him eat.
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Phyllis: You know, you know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would ask him, 'What are you doing?'
FZ: Do it again.
Ray: Why is he using a chicken to measure it?
Phyllis: And he would say, 'I'm using the chicken to measure it.' What did he mean by that?
Ray: . . . he's using the chicken to measure it
Phyllis: Till this day I don't know what he's talking about . . .
FZ: Do it again.
Phyllis: That Tishman. That Minnesota Tishman . . . What a guy . . .
[4:22]
Guy From Alabama: Eight inches or less?
Aynsley: Uh . . . eight inches.
Guy From Alabama: Eight inches? Well, I'll get your kind of women, there, man.
Aynsley: You can? Yes, it's cool . . .
Guy From Alabama: Oh, they got some whores there you wouldn't believe!
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama: You can just . . . fall right in.
Aynsley: But do they play pool?
[4:32]
Phyllis: What a guy, what a sense of humour . . . The way he used to . . . let me get back to that.
FZ: Look at the way he hands that chicken . . .
Aynsley: Do you want another ball?
FZ: He had a way with that chicken . . .
Phyllis: He . . . look at the way he handles that chicken, he had a way . . . look at the way he holds it, and fondles it, and he put it right near his privates . . .
Aynsley: But that's cool, still
Guy From Alabama: That's cool, yeah.
Aynsley: That's cool, yeah, I sort of followed the . . .
Guy From Alabama: I'm using the chicken to measure it, though
Aynsley: You were?
Guy From Alabama: Yeah.
Aynsley: Yeah, where's the shit . . . or the white dove?
Guy From Alabama: I'm up to my knees in shit, man.
Aynsley: Really.
Guy From Alabama: There's all kind of shit, now about . . . all smokin' shit . . .
[5:00]
Massimo: And now, we are going to translate: 'This is my left hand.' Repeat after me: 'Questa e' la mia mano sinistra.' And now: 'This is my right hand.' Repeat after me: 'Questa e' la mia mano destra.'
Ray: What is it you're doing?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Have you ever used a chicken to measure it?
Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool!
Guy From Alabama: I fucked a chicken . . .
[5:25]
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era wherein the development of the inner self is the most important thing. We have to train ourselves. So that we can improvise on anything: a bird, a sock, a fuming beaker. This is, this too can be music. Anything can be music.
FZ: Hello? Yeah, are you busy? Well I was wondering -this is Frank- can you come, yeah, can you come over here and be in our uh, teen-age movie? Okay, well, I'll tell you what the action is . . .
Phyllis: He's eating.
FZ: Ok, he's eating, you see . . . Don Preston . . . Well, it depends, mostly it's a hamburger, sometimes, well he doesn't wanna eat the hamburger, 'cause he's a vegetarian . . . Okay now, Phyllis is here . . . Phyllis . . .
Phyllis: Who's Phyllis?
FZ: No, no, no, Phyllis is the girl that's the, my assistant editor on the, on the film . . . Yeah, she used to be Tom Wilson's secretary . . . Ok . . . You remember Tom Wilson were gonna run for President?
[6:51]
Aynsley: You're Tom Wilson?
Carl: Yeah.
Aynsley: Yeah?
Carl: Then she came out here work on the Woodstock festival.
Ray: What are you doing with that chicken?
Carl: And then uh, then . . .
Ray: I was measuring the ball.
Carl: Then Frank hired her to work on the Mothers movie.
[7:00]
Phyllis: Hi, I'm Phyllis Altenhaus, and I'm working with Frank Zappa on his film Uncle Meat, in Hollywood. I'm a little nervous doing this 'cause it's the first time I'd even been a star in a film. I originally started working for Frank as his assistant editor on the film Uncle Meat, and one day we were sitting around watching the Festival Hall shots, the rushes, and I saw Don come on the screen -Don Preston plays the monster- and I said, 'Frank, look at Don! He's turning into a monster! I'm gonna vomit!'
FZ: When she sees him turning into a monster she has to vomit.
Phyllis: Frank said, 'That's it, that's the opening of the line, that, that, I mean, that's the opening of the picture.' I said, 'Frank, I can't be in your picture, first of all, I have such a bad Brooklyn accent, I'm embarrased by the whole thing!' And he said, 'Don't worry, you'll do it.' So, you know, with Frank, he has a certain way about him, I mean he just gets people to do these things.
Don: He just makes me sick when he changes into a monster.
Phyllis: Why? Why does he make you sick?
Don: Oh, can't you see it how, how . . . ugly it is that, being that monster? Oh, just, I can't stand it, I, I think I'm gonna be sick, I have to vomit.
FZ: She just, she tells me she has to vomit, see. She's trying to make me believe that it makes her sick when he turns into a monster.
Phyllis: There's something about that that gets me so nauseous, I don't know what it is. Look at that, look at that.
FZ: Yeah, but it's not true. Well, you see, it gets her hot.
Phyllis: There's something so sexy about him. When he comes on that stage, I get so hot just looking at him drinking that, that smoke stuff, I don't know what it is. I don't even care if he turns into a monster, I love it . . .
Don: Oh dear!
Phyllis: Look at that, oh him with the cape, but he doesn't, he walks away. It's such a hot move and he, he's so terrific when he goes back to that gong, oh, that's so nice . . . Boy, I hope no one ever finds out I love it so much, that hot monster . . . oh, ooh . . .
Don: You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen.
Phyllis: I don't like to be called manipulating, that's for sure, but I like to think of myself as being hot.
FZ: She gets hot. And then she runs into the toilet, and she stands in front of the mirror and she makes faces to herself so she can turn into a monster. Isn't it cute? That's right, then, when she does that, and she's having a fantasy that she's turning into a monster, the monster comes out of the toilet from behind her.
[9:30]
Phyllis: Oh . . . a little lower, please.
Don: How do you work all those controls in there? That's really fantastic . . .
Phyllis: Oh, it's nothing.
Don: All of those buttons and switches . . .
Phyllis: It's nothing. Look, look what's going on there! Oh . . . oh, wow, this . . .
Don: I just can't see how a girl could do all that.
Phyllis: Oh, now with the, the Women's Liberation Front we can do anything, you're kidding? Oh . . . oh! It's so good!
Don: This girl obviously has some sort of demented problem in where she, she likes uh, monsters that drink foamy vile liquid and uh transform. It must be some uh, connection in her past, in her childhood of something. Maybe her father didn't demonstrate enough uh, affection for her. It's a . . .
Phyllis: Oh . . . it's been so long . . .
Don: Tell me, did your father demonstrate any affection for you?
Phyllis: I've been watching you on the screen for four weeks . . . Finally, my monster . . . Is it real? Is it really you? Oh that feels, oh, monster, can I have a bite off of your apple?
Don: Mm . . . I think that uh . . .
Phyllis: It's so nice to be here with a monster finally . . .
Don: It must be uh, her mother and father probably told her that she's real ugly and awkward and dumb and everything . . .
Phyllis: It's a good apple, monster.
Don: And so she relates to people that are ugly, dumb and awkward.
Phyllis: Let me take off your hat so I can really see what's happening underneath there. Just what I thought, a monster head.
Don: You'll find this is quite common in uh, today's society
Phyllis: It's like Adam and Eve and the apple . . . Finally, here's my monster . . . after all this time . . .
Don: That's why monster movies are so popular, you know?
Phyllis: I'd waited and waited . . .
Don: D'you know how many a monster movie costs to make?
Phyllis: And there he is, he's right here.
Don: Monster movies really cost a lot of money.
Phyllis: Sitting with me, I can't believe it! Is it really you, monster?
Don: And our young society today goes to all these monster movies and they see them on television night after night.
Phyllis: It's so terrific to be with the monster.
Don: We're raising a new generation of monster lovers.
Phyllis: I've been waiting so long for the monster . . . Maybe this'll be the real thing.
[12:20]
Don: He's changing into a monster! You should see this! God, I get so hot!
Aynsley: Would you like a quick vibrator? Now you've ruined the whole thing
Carl: Have I? I'll take one down!
Aynsley: Oh, cheers . . .
Carl: I thought you get the walking four balls.
Aynsley: No no . . .
Carl: It's difficult to walk on three.
Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Carl: Don?
Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Aynsley: Charles.
Phyllis: Aynsley Dunbar, who's playing with Frank now, this real English popstar, very attractive guy, and he's like into a whole groupie thing with whips and things, don't ask me, and Frank got this great idea, actually he gets this great idea for me, to have Aynsley in the Hollywood Ranch Market, which we just did last night, hit him with toilet brushes. It's, it's a little dumb but I went along with it, you know, what else are you gonna do? You're getting paid and uh, you do these things.
[13:19]
Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . .
Aynsley: Hello, there!
Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . .
Aynsley: Say, could you do me a favour? Could you beat me with a toilet brush?
Phyllis: Beat you with a toilet brush?
Aynsley: Shhh . . . someone might hear . . . yes, beat me with a toilet brush.
Phyllis: What's your name?
Aynsley: Ah, hello, my name is Aynsley Dunbar and I, I'm very interested in whips and canes, etc. I'm gonna fill, fill you in about uh, my background.
FZ: Are you absolutely serious about this? You really like whips and canes?
Aynsley: Oh yeah, yeah.
FZ: And you like-?
Aynsley: I didn't have too much chance to use 'em here, as yet, because it's, you know the screams and that, would most likely wake the kids up! No, actually I'm moving on though to toilet brushes and things, 'cause I think they'll be coming in this year . . . definitely.
Phyllis: You want me to beat you with the toilet brush?
Aynsley: Yes.
Phyllis: I mean like uh, I'm ready!
[14:37]
Phyllis: You know, I'll tell you something, I find myself saying, 'I'm ready,' you know, and like, I slap my face when I'm saying, 'I'm ready,' because it's like uh, in the house I'm saying, 'I'm ready,' you know? And . . . there has to be a limit.
Phyllis: That's a whip, I guessed right, you know I saw this handle sticking up here and I like, I, I guessed it right on first, you know? Like I know . . .
FZ: Beat him while you're talking.
Phyllis: You know like . . . I tell you something. I hope it's not getting your kidney or anything like that.
Aynsley: Oh look, keep, keep, just keep it high, just keep it high.
Phyllis: You know what I mean? I got worried about those things, I got . . . you know I'm humane, Aquarius and all this . . .
Aynsley: That's great . . . that's. . .
Phyllis: Venus is arising, you know, I'm humane.
Aynsley: Just keep it high. Oh, love it, yeah, right.
Phyllis: Uhm . . . well, let's see . . .
FZ: Ask him, 'Does it get you hot?'
Phyllis: Is it getting you hot?
Aynsley: Oh, maybe it would do if I had another 'bout fifteen people.
[15:20]
Don: I know what gets you hot. Hamburgers get you hot, 'cause I picked you up in the pool hall!
Phyllis: You don't know what gets me hot, you don't have the faintest idea what gets me hot!
Don: Sure! Hamburgers! Look at this . . .
Phyllis: I can't take it . . .
Don: See that?
Phyllis: I can't take it . . . oh, God, that hamburger!
Don: But you don't know what gets me hot.
Phyllis: I'd bet I know what gets you hot. Sticks, sticks on your body on a table get you hot.
Don: I'm getting hot! . . . When I was drinking the potion . . . and that hat and that cape and everything . . . just incredible . . . I'd . . . wonder what it's like to, to change into a monster . . . it must be really great.
Phyllis: It's just so wonderful. Give me a bite of the apple there . . . Mmm, oh, my monster! Oh, that's so terr- Oh! I love that, when a monster does that, mm . . . Well, I've just been thinking, monster, we can take rides in the country in the Volkswagen . . . and, my monster, you're feeling me up, my monster.
FZ: It does get you hot.
Phyllis: Well . . . it doesn't get me hot.
FZ: I saw you laying on the floor in the corner with him!
Phyllis: I, it wasn't me laying in the corner! That was, that wasn't me!
FZ: Ha ha . . . Who was it?
Phyllis: That was Sheba! It wasn't me!
FZ: Who is Sheba? Ha ha!
Phyllis: Sheba is the one that's in love with Don.
[17:09]
Don: And why, why do you like monsters?
Phyllis: It's, it's not their looks, it's the intellectual thing that comes across, you know, you could tell that, I, looks aren't important to me, it's something about the intelligence. When you mix that potion, you know when I've seen you mix that potion, I don't know, it's the intellectual way I get hot.
Don: Yeah, but what causes this?
Phyllis: You know what I mean?
Don: I mean, well . . .
Phyllis: It's, it's hotness.
[17:39]
Phyllis: It used to be very, it was really nice and quiet in this place, that's why I came here, because of the feeling like, like a place to get away from things, and now what's going on, it's like all noise and . . . I don't know, it doesn't . . . wherever you go nowadays it's the same thing, all these guys they're so disgusting, I can't stand it . . .
Don: Look, anybody . . . anybody sitting here?
Phyllis: No! Go right ahead, sit down!
Don: Thanks. Anybody drinking this beer in here?
Phyllis: No, I don't know what the bartender . . . he just left it there, I don't know what's going on . . .
Don: My name is Biff Debris.
Phyllis: Oh, hi! Sheba Flieschman.
Don: How d'you do?
Phyllis: So and uh, your name is Biff Debris.
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: You know, funny thing, if we got married my name would be Sheba DeBiff.
Don: My name is Biff Debris, not Debris DeBiff.
Phyllis: Debris?
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: Biff Debris . . . well, I'll tell you something, I once knew someone whose name was Dubois. It, it sort of sounds like Debris, you know what I mean? Like, is that French, or what?
Don: Well, actually I'm part Mohawk and part Norwegian.
Phyllis: Excuse me. Is the hamburger ready yet?
Don: What sign are you?
Phyllis: Uh, I'm Aquarius with Venus rising on my past.
Don: Really?
Phyllis: Yeah. It's really good sign because it's the Aquarian age now, you know? And like, it's all coming together. You know what I mean by coming together?
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: I think since I came from New York, you know, I'm really . . .
Don: Are you from New York?
Phyllis: Yeah, you can't tell! Huh?
Don: No . . .
Phyllis: I tell you something, so it really means that I'm losing my accent, you know, because the other day I was talking to someone and they couldn't guess either, well, I asked them, I said to them, 'Where do you think I'm from?' And you know they said, they said, 'New Jersey,' you know, so, and New Jersey accent is really completely different, you know? Like, it depends so, if you come from Patterson, it's different from Trenton and Orange County, but you know, I say 'Orange' like this, 'Orange,' 'cause that's in California they say, 'Orange,' you know?
Don: What's the, what's the matter with uh, Debris?
Phyllis: That's one thing I stayed away from.
Don: Alright, you're free . . .
Phyllis: I think that you can really be high on your own intellectual stratification.
Don: Hamburgers.
Phyllis: Don't say hamburgers, it gets me so hot . . .
Don: But you don't know what gets me hot, you see . . .
Phyllis: I know what gets you hot!
Don: No, no . . .
Phyllis: I saw it in the pool hall
Don: You saw that?
Phyllis: Yeah!
Don: That isn't what does it, you see. It really isn't.
Phyllis: Well, well, what is it? You know, like if it's not that, then what is it?
Don: Well . . .
Phyllis: Well, don't be embarrassed! You can tell me, you know? Like I'm . . .
Don: Showers.
Phyllis: Showers?
Don: Showers.
Phyllis: Well, okay, you know, I can go see that, I can see, I can understand showers.
Don: Not, not nude showers.
Phyllis: What you mean not nude showers?
Don: It's gotta be a special shower, you know.
Phyllis: What kind of shower?
Don: With these special clothes on it.
Phyllis: You mean, you wear clothes when you . . . ?
Don: These clothes! These are the clothes . . .
Phyllis: These are the clothes that you . . . ?
Don: Right here . . .
Phyllis: There are clothes in there for me for the shower?
[20:47]
Phyllis: Say he devised this plan, this is how this clothes and the shower thing all came by, because I was too embarrassed to stand in the shower. First roll, you know, I'm not gonna be standing naked but, the whole thing's taking out, so I figured, 'Okay, I'll wear dungarees and a shirt.' And, and anyway to tell you the truth I think it's sexier because, you see like just a little outline . . . tiny little bit, you know, like, poinnnng!
Phyllis: I don't understand it, but it's like . . .
Don: I mean . . .
Phyllis: It's your trip, man! You know? Like, it's alright with me, you know? I don't care.
Don: And this children's belt with the little holes in it. Look at those pants!
Phyllis: Ooh, but what has this . . . do with the holes! I mean, you know, like I hope they fit up.
Don: It'll be good . . .
Phyllis: You know, like, okay, I'll try, I don't care, I'll try anything!
[21:26]
FZ: Hi, Phyllis, why don't you want to take your clothes off with the monster?
Phyllis: Because I'm embarrassed to.
FZ: What's there to be embarrassed about?
Phyllis: Well, I've never done that before, and I don't wanna do it now!
FZ: But why don't you wanna do it?
Phyllis: I'd rather not. There's no reason, I'd just rather not.
FZ: But what's the matter? You got an ugly body?
Phyllis: No, I have a great body. I just don't wanna do it.
FZ: But why don't you wanna do it if you've got a great body? Don't you wanna share it with the world?
Phyllis: No, I don't wanna share it with the world.
Phyllis: So I did it, and it was, I tell you, I was getting hot, see my shirt?
Phyllis: I'm ready! I got the shirt, I got the pants, and I got the belt with that little yellow holes, you know? And I'm hot!
Don: And I got the bun and the hamburger and the relish and the orange and I've got my clothes off and I'm hot!
Phyllis: Oh, come on!
Don: You know how many times we . . . ? I go down to Mr. Pocket three times a week, trying to find somebody that'll wear these clothes in the shower.
Phyllis: How do they look on me?
Don: Oh . . .
Phyllis: You like it?
Don: They're great, you know. I had those clothes in the refrigerator for about two months now.
Phyllis: Where is the hamburger? Just give me a bite, mmh . . . it's so great, you don't meet guys . . .
Don: Oh, it's disgusting . . .
Phyllis: You don't meet guys who get you off with hamburgers, I'm saying I'm really happy that mmmm . . .
Don: Oh, the two of us really make a great couple!
Phyllis: I know, me with my clean clothes and the hamburger and everything like that, well, you know, we can go places.
Don: Yeah.
Phyllis: You want me to wash your hair? While you, just hold the hamburger first, you know, while I wash your hair . . .
Don: Do you want me to wash it to you?
Phyllis: Well, I don't know, I wasn't planning on it, it's alright, you can wash my back . . . mm, so nice the shower . . .
Don: I can't bear it.
Phyllis: Especially, especially, especially if you . . .
Don: Some people are really weird.
Phyllis: Pull it on my back, just a little bit, it won't, it won't hurt, just a little bit over there, this side, it's terrific, with the hamburger.
[23:21]
Phyllis: Hamburger meat . . . Hhhh . . . Oh . . .
FZ: Wouldn't that be better if you had your clothes off then you can uh, enforce him on your arms?
Phyllis: No, I . . . don't need my clothes off, I can get the gratification that I want just like this.
Phyllis: Oh, doesn't that feel good, oh, it's so great. I'm so glad that I met you today . . .
Don: Mmmm . . .
Phyllis: And this hamburger . . .
Don: Do you mind if I rub some of this in your hair?
Phyllis: Oh I don't mind, let me just take out that little thing here, mmm . . .
Don: Oh, boy . . .
Phyllis: A little bit, wait, it's, but I don't know, do you have cream rinse here? . . . this strip I won't be able to . . .
Don: Cream rinse?
Phyllis: Yeah . . . 'cause I . . .
Don: Eugh!
Phyllis: I won't be, let me see how it feels with the soap.
FZ: Whi-whi-which parts get you the hottest that can be rushed with the hamburger?
Phyllis: Well I think uh . . . what part!
Don: Oh, I love this with hamburgers under the clothes.
[24:12]
Don: You're getting hot, come on.
Phyllis: Oh, am I hot, over this hamburger! Oh, I think of my uh . . .
Don: For a hundred dollars you're getting hot.
Phyllis: Oh, am I hot! I'm so hot! Hhh . . . I'm so hot from this hamburger, oh . . .
FZ: Get hot!
Phyllis: I'm so hot!
FZ: Under, under . . . Ha ha ha ha!
Don: Undulate.
FZ: Look!
Don: You . . . it's getting better.
Phyllis: Where's the hamburger? Just . . . those . . .
FZ: Hamburgers with soap are good.
Phyllis: Ha-a . . . let me take a little bite, mmm . . . delicious! Let me put it in here so I don't loose it. I don't wanna in case I wanna little piece after, could you do my back?
Don: Oh yeah . . .
Phyllis: Underneath the shirt, don't be bashful, I, oh, I know it makes you hot, like if you keep . . .
Don: Yeah, I like the shirt better. I'll wash the shirt.
Phyllis: Oh, let me take a little bit of the hamburger
FZ: Ha ha!
Phyllis: You know, the last guy that I was with he just had Ground Choc, you know what Ground Choc tastes like in the shower, man . . .
FZ: Ha ha ha ha!
Don: Oh . . .
Phyllis: This is odd meat, where did you get this?
FZ: Ha ha ha!
Phyllis: Just like the health food stuff, are you a health food person? You know, like . . .
Don: No, I am Uncle Meat!
Phyllis: You are Uncle Meat?
[25:24]
Phyllis: And because you're the main man with the burgers . . .
FZ: 'And the burger's my trip.'
Phyllis: And the burger's my trip and is such a groove, I wanna show my appreciation and I wanna clean your bathroom . . . the cleanser . . .
FZ: 'I am going to the Hollywood Ranch . . . '
Phyllis: I'm going to the Hollywood Ranch Market and I'm gonna buy the cleanser.
Don: And because you have worn the clothes . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: That got me hot, the shirt . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: The pants and the little brown belt, children's belt with the holes in it . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: I will . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: Accept your offer to go to the Hollywood Ranch Market . . .
Phyllis: Cleanser . . .
Don: And get the cleanser and clean my bathroom.
[26:06]
Janet: He's from that group Cleanser. He looks pretty kinky. Too bad we didn't have our garters on.
Janet & Lucy: EEEEEEEUH!
Janet: Oh, what do you expect from work in this joint.
Lucy: Ooh Janet, he has a vibrator! Now, ooh . . . Eeeuhh! Ha ha ha! Ah . . . ah . . . aaaaaaAAAAH! Ooh wha . . . ooh! Hhh . . . aaahhh . . .
[26:44]
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, where we have been working secretly on a new composition in the back room, in our secret chambers. 'Cause everything is secret. We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world, you see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems, so we have to get a composition and, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single, because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . .
FZ: 'You remember our other single 'The Bun'?'
Don: Yeah, you remember our other single, 'The Bun'? See, this, this was our last composition . . .
Aynsley: Plugging it in . . .
Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh, some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see? But we got it all straightened out and, some of them quit and everything but . . .
Aynsley?: A few holes in the Brothers . . .
Don: Uh, with our new arrangement we really hope to do big things, you know? Like we hope to change every single person's karma and that in turn will change and upgrade all the ecology problems, all the polution and all the air and everything, you know? And this right here is the composition I was speaking of and uh, this is the guitar part, this is the vocal, this is the bass part, and this little section over here could be for the dancer, but she keeps quitting all the time so we don't really know uh, if she's gonna be in it which she is now or just take it out like that. Now, it's very difficult to compose this type of thing, because like, the slightest movement that you can make of one single article could define whether it's underground or real commercial, see? If we put the sock over here it's more commercial than if it were over here, then it's real underground, you understand? So we take you now to the motel, where the group is deep in . . . just deep.
[28:56]
Motorhead: . . . straightest member is the writer, you know what I . . .
Don: Hey, listen you guys, I would like just . . .
Meredith: These guys can work together.
Don: Talk about the arrangement here
Aynsley: How about that new drum solo you just worked out?
Don: I've got a new composition.
Meredith: It's rhythmic, huh?
Motorhead: Now that's beautiful.
Don: Listen . . . Silence, fools! . . . SILENCE, FOOLS! Don't you believe in progress?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ?: Take that progress and stick it under a rock!
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it . . . I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead: Outta site! That's outta site!
Meredith: That's beautiful!
FZ: What are you doing with the chicken?
Carl: I'm using . . .
Don: That's what we need for our new song.
Meredith: That was a good composition!
Motorhead: We got it!
Aynsley: Can you write one like that then?
Don: I did! Well . . .
Ray?: You would? I mean . . .
Don: At last night, that's . . .
Ray: That's when he starts in with the guitar . . . ?
Don: Now look . . .
Ray: Then he comes in with his guitar solo?
Don: You guys, do you see this over here?
Ray: Why does he have this?
Don: Can you see this over here? This is the new composition that we're going to make a hit single with.
Aynsley: What's it called, 'Junk Shuffle'?
Don: No . . .
Ray: 'Junkyard.'
Aynsley: What's it called?
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
FZ: It's called 'We're using the chicken to measure it.'
Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it.
Don: Right, 'We're using the chicken to measure it.' Well, I couldn't get a chicken, I, all I got was . . .
Motorhead: That would be the title. Ray's got a chicken.
Aynsley: Yeah!
Motorhead: You can use Ray's chicken to measure it.
Don: But uh . . .
FZ: No, no, that's part of the concept, you're using the chicken to measure the pitch in?
Aynsley: It's what I choose.
Don: Oh, I see, yeah, are we using the chicken to measure it?
Motorhead: Or drumming?
Don: I'll show you, this is . . .
Ray: How about a sock?
Motorhead: I thought it was cooler.
Don: This is the guitar part, right here.
Motorhead: Then let me see . . .
Aynsley: Pull her.
Motorhead: It's that what I play? That's my part.
Don: That's your part.
Motorhead: Oh, that A . . .
Don: And this is a new concept.
Motorhead: I can't learn that by tomorrow, man, there's no way.
Don: Tonight.
Motorhead: I can't learn it tonight!
Don: Listen, I got the time booked.
Motorhead: I can't even . . .
Aynsley: Tonight? OW!
Don: At the Hollywodd Ranch Market tonight, man!
Meredith: That's pretty heavy, man.
Aynsley: But tonight?!
Meredith: That's pretty heavy . . .
Motorhead: My strings are flat, my pickups are shot, do Herbie wouldn't give us an advance so I can buy some new strings and an amp?
Don: Listen, I'll take care of everything.
[30:52]
Don: You see, Countess, the problem is uh, it's very hard to talk about but, the guys need equipment, you know like he needs batteries and uh, and, and uh, needs strings for his guitar, you know? And, and some of the electronic equipment needs boosting and uh, we have a good prog and everything, you know? I just wanted to find out if we could get any awr . . . nng . . . gnn . . . Do you have a pencil and a paper? Uh huh . . . thanks . . .
Francesca: Royalties?
Don: GNG! MMnnnngrgGGL! Sorry, would you mind not using that word? It's a . . .
Francesca: Who cares about royalties?
Don: Grrah!
Francesca: Look, I've seen everybody around, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Arthur Brown, and his fire and his head . . . Oh, man, I've never got so hot as long, I've ever got so hot until I started to, to use the chicken head to measure it with it.
[32:25]
Guy From Alabama: We must say it in Alabama language, man, I can't understand.
Another 'Guy From Alabama': Playing that kind of music and eating meat, you'll never . . .
Aynsley: I say . . . I say . . .
Guy From Alabama: (unintelligible shouting)
Aynsley: I say, old boy, you speak english?
Guy From Alabama: Hey man, you got any peas or beans or anything like that?
[32:38]
Don: You have to admit this is different.
Motorhead: Oh I hate . . . that's a drum, that's gotta be a drum.
Don: I mean . . . I know what it's like, to me the idea of being commercial is doing something different.
Meredith: Bet that one's a heavy one . . .
Carl: The way they feed . . .
Don: You know? Something people can . . . can . . .
Carl: WAH!
Don: It's not the same old thing.
Aynsley: Hey, but that, that isn't a . . .
Meredith: Have to practise . . .
Aynsley: No!
Carl: WAH!
Don: NO!
Motorhead: Look out!
Ray: Oh . . .
Don: That's it, Ray . . .
Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . .
Don: Now, use the chicken to measure it.
Motorhead: Chicken's in the . . .
Aynsley: Biff, man, how does that fit into the part, though . . . heavy like that . . .
Meredith: And what is after into that my part there?
Don: This is the music.
Meredith: Where? where?
Don: This, the whole thing is the music.
Meredith: Ah, but how does that one fit into all . . .
Aynsley: But there's no head, man.
Meredith: But how does that fit into all that?
Aynsley: Oh yeah, there's . . .
Ray: Are you using a chicken to measure it?
Meredith: What's the concept of this?
Motorhead: There's no way we can play it.
Meredith: What's the concept of this number?
Don: Look, look . . .
Motorhead: Not by tonight, man! It can't be done.
Aynsley: Let me . . . anyway, man, I'm going out tonight, you know, I've got a few chicks to meet.
Motorhead: I'm going to hear the Fudge.
Don: You guys, if you wanna make a hit single and I mean, a hit single.
Aynsley: Yeah, but all I'm saying is as long as you pay us well, I just don't wanna know.
Don: Well, you'll get royalties.
Motorhead: You gotta get some royalties, man!
Aynsley: Royalties?
Don: Listen, you can't . . .
Ray: A monster!
Phyllis: I'm wet . . . hamburger . . .
Meredith: This is turning too confusing, I just can't understand what all this is about, it's so confusing!
Phyllis: My monster!
Don: WARrrGH!
Phyllis: My monster! I'm ready! I got the pants, I got the shirt, I got the belt with the little yellow holes!
[33:46]
Phyllis: I can't get enough of that stuff, mmm!
FZ: 'We're coming to the beginning of a new era, at the motel.'
Phyllis: Look at this over there, look . . . mmm mm . . .
Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era at the motel, we have been working secretly . . .
Phyllis: Obviusly still, still the best.
Don: . . .on a new composition in the back room . . .
Phyllis: I love when he always did that . . .
Don: . . . in our secret chambers.
Phyllis: Then changed into . . . I remember that . . .
Don: 'Cause everything is secret.
Phyllis: For twelve years he's still working on the same song, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Don: We're trying to get the secret karma change for the whole world.
Phyllis: Still kinda get that 'The Bun' thing. I gotta stop this, it's not good anymore.
Don: You see, like this whole karma thing, it's really what's causing all the problems.
Phyllis: Because after all we've got kids now.
Don: So we have to get a composition.
Phyllis: And we can't, he can't do this anymore, it's another whole life.
Don: And, I'm sure that it's going to be a hit single.
Phyllis: But, I can't help it, I mean he's irresistible. The guy is irresistible.
Don: Because everyone is going out and buying our new hit single, for this group that uh . . .
Phyllis: Look at that face, over there . . .
FZ: 'You remember our other single 'The Bun'?'
Don: Yeah, you rem-
Phyllis: Look at that, right that, right there . . . mmm . . .
Don: Our other single, 'The Bun'? See, this, this was our last composition . . .
Phyllis: Oh, God! Oh, I remember that too . . . yeah . . .
Don: And uh, it was pretty hard to play because uh . . .
Phyllis: Look at this, when he did that at the fare . . .
Don: Some of the members of the group couldn't read music, you see?
Phyllis: No . . . it's better, I'll tell you something . . .
Don: But we got it all straightened out.
Phyllis: I don't know, I have to think about this, 'cause I gotta tell him. Ah! I'll go back! I can't be bother 'cause my mind it's too, it's too crazy, it's going, it's driving me nuts already, I have to think about work, I have to think about him, I have to think about . . .
Stumuk: Maybe I oughta face it, after twelve years 'The Bun' just isn't a hit. Maybe I'm approaching it wrong. Look at him, a musician, a natural musician. This Motorcity was a serious little boy. Liked to pull down the shades before helping her with the dishes.
Massimo: And that's why it didn't sell. Look at this . . .
Phyllis: Oh, look at that! I remember -let me stop that and see how the fume was coming out of his mouth, and the way the lips, the lips, so beautiful and the hamburger . . .
Massimo: Try to do something like that.
Stumuk: Like that?
Massimo: Maledetto figlio di puttana.
FZ: He's on television set.
Massimo: E non cagarmi il cazzo.
Stumuk: A non cacarmil catzo.
Massimo: 'Cause I have a big bunch of minchia!
Stumuk: A big bunch of minchia!
Phyllis: It's great you're learning Italian, I love . . . That's what I want! More, a little culture, it's enough already with 'The Bun'!
Stumuk: I had, I had to change it. It wasn't right.
Massimo: These fucking things didn't work, I don't know why. Maybe, can you see all these little points, white points, on these fucking things? You have to know that . . .
Stumuk: Can you see?
Massimo: . . . all this stuff . . .
Stumuk: Everybody's using the chicken to measure it with nowadays, even my kids!
Massimo: . . . come from my nose, and maybe people didn't like it.
Stumuk: No more the sock . . .
Massimo: And I just don't know why . . .
Stumuk: But 'The Bun,' the placement of 'The Bun.' It has seeds. It's different.
Massimo: I just can't imagine why they didn't like these balls that come from my nose, you know? This way, tshh! And I spent a lot of years of my life to do something like that, these fucking things, and it didn't work. What can I say?
Guy From Alabama: Far fucking out! Far fucking out!
Linda: Hee hee hee hee!
Rodney: Ah! I can dig it!
Guy From Alabama: DONG! DONG! I mean dong, that's what your minchia is!
Aynsley: Your which?
Guy From Alabama: A minchia!
Aynsley: You mean your dick?
Guy From Alabama: You put your minchia in the stinky-a.
Massimo: And you know why? 'Cause I have a big bunch of dick! Tengo una minchia tanta! And this part of the lesson, I'm sorry, but you can't learn, 'cause Mother Nature didn't make you Italian.
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
everybody gotta say: "HEH HEH HEH"
Oh yeah!
It's a, it, it,
It's about all the sunshine here in Fin... Fin... Finland
And all that kinda stuff that makes you wanna have a little...
TUSH TUSH TUSH
And then I told,
I said why don't you and me get together goin' up to my...
Wait a minute!
What's that you pullin' outa your mush?
But she, she said...
Wait a minute, I said WHAT?
HEH HEH HEH
Napoleon says he don't use them things and he ain't...
What's wrong with you anyway?
But why would you use that for anyway?
I've never seen one like that in my life
What do you think I was ... like a little video?
TUSH TUSH TUSH
Except when I laid in ah, wherever it was...
And ah...
Hey, wait a minute...
No, I ain't done much
She gave everybody in the group about twelve of them
son-of-a-guns
And I said a black one, a pink one and a...
HEH HEH HEH
I said I could use them, so
I told I could use 'em either but she gave 'em
I owned 'em for about six months and then I could ...
But she said... Ha, Ha, Ha!
Y'all is great!
It was nice and pretty though
HEH HEH HEH
But Ruth said she wouldn't go give up
Unless you all use some of them KFMR...
And she said after the show, Brian
All you have to do is come in to ring the bell and draw a
three-hole
HEH HEH HEH Ha Ha Ha
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
I must say that you guys are gonna take some cheese outta that
restaurant
TUSH TUSH TUSH
That's what I was tryin' to do last night
When that m... wouldn't let me in the god... pickin'
It's the protein and the energy and the...
Bafflin' to get me in her room...
Wouldn't let me in the hotel...
Wait a minute
Oh, I got a key to the...
HEH HEH HEH
Ladies and gentlemen!
Welcome to our program tonight
Which features Ruth Underwood on percussion,
Napoleon Murphy Brock on TUSH TUSH TUSH
Chester Thompson on drums
Tom Fowler on bass
And George Duke on keyboards
And the name of the very first song that we're going to play
tonight
Is Stink-Foot
(Squeak squeak squeak)
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
Everybody gotta say: "heh heh heh"
Oh yeah!
It’s a, it, it,
It’s about all the sunshine here in fin... fin... finland
And all that kinda stuff that makes you wanna have a little...
Tush tush tush
And then I told,
I said why don’t you and me get together goin’ up to my...
Wait a minute!
What’s that you pullin’ outa your mush?
But she, she said...
Wait a minute, I said what?
Heh heh heh
Napoleon says he don’t use them things and he ain’t...
What’s wrong with you anyway?
But why would you use that for anyway?
I’ve never seen one like that in my life
What do you think I was ... like a little video?
Tush tush tush
Except when I laid in ah, wherever it was...
And ah...
Hey, wait a minute...
No, I ain’t done much
She gave everybody in the group about twelve of them
Son-of-a-guns
And I said a black one, a pink one and a...
Heh heh heh
I said I could use them, so
I told I could use ’em either but she gave ’em
I owned ’em for about six months and then I could ...
But she said... ha, ha, ha!
Y’all is great!
It was nice and pretty though
Heh heh heh
But ruth said she wouldn’t go give up
Unless you all use some of them kfmr...
And she said after the show, brian
All you have to do is come in to ring the bell and draw a
Three-hole
Heh heh heh ha ha ha
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
I must say that you guys are gonna take some cheese outta that
Restaurant
Tush tush tush
That’s what I was tryin’ to do last night
When that m... wouldn’t let me in the god... pickin’
It’s the protein and the energy and the...
Bafflin’ to get me in her room...
Wouldn’t let me in the hotel...
Wait a minute
Oh, I got a key to the...
Heh heh heh
Ladies and gentlemen!
Welcome to our program tonight
Which features ruth underwood on percussion,
Napoleon murphy brock on tush tush tush
Chester thompson on drums
Tom fowler on bass
And george duke on keyboards
And the name of the very first song that we’re going to play
Tonight
Is stink-foot
(squeak squeak squeak)
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo electric sitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice]
Heh heh heh . . .
Bozzio: It's gone . . .
O'Hearn: What? Your talent for sucking?
Bozzio: I . . .
O'Hearn: Never . . .
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, snorks)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet, flugel horn)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Don Preston (piano, organ, electronic effects)
Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (electric violin)
Lowell George (rhythm guitar, vocals)
At this very moment on stage
We have drummer A playing in 7/8,
Drummer B playing in 3/4,
The bass playing in 3/4,
The organ playing in 5/8,
The tambourine playing in 3/4,
And the alto-sax blowing his NOSE.
Hands up!
Frank Zappa (vocals)
Lowell George (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
You know sometimes in the middle in the night
You get to feeling uptight
And wish you were feelin alright
And you know youre white
And you ain't got no soul
And theres no one with a hole nearby
And therefore in your teen-age madness and delirium
You toss and turn in your sweaty little grey teen-age sheets
In that little room with the psychedelic posters
And the red bulb
And the incense
And your bead collection
And your country song round up books
And you cry your tiny sick tears
Tiny sick tears
Tiny sick tears
Tiny sick tears
You know you gotto gotto gotto gotto
Youve gotta find some relief from the terrible..
From the terrible ache thats clutching right at your heart
Because its hurting you to your heart
And your crying tiny sick tears
And you have to go downstairs
Out of your bedroom
Out into the hall
Down to the living room
To the living room
To the kitchen
To the cookie jar
Where you wanna get your cookies
And you take the top off the cookie jar
And you stick your tiny sick hand in the cookie jar
And you reach around in the cookie jar
To find a raisin cookie
A spongy one with the little plump raisins
A little tactile sensation for your tiny sick fingers
Squeeze the raisin on the cookie
Pull the cookie out of the jar
Stuff the raisin into your eating hole
Push it all the way in your eating hole
Now make your eating hole wrap itself around the tiny sick cookie
Scarve the cookie
Put the lid back on the jar
Go over to the ice box
Open the ice box
Pull out the box of milk
Open the box of milk
Into a triangular beak like that
Pull the little triangular beak up to your drinking hole
Up to your hole
Pour the white fluid from the drinking box into your hole
Close the beak
Reinsert the box into the ice box
Close the box door
Walk out of the kitchen
Through the living room
Back up the stairs
Past your sisters room
Past your brothers room
You take a mask from the ancient hallway
Make it down to your fathers room
And you walk in
And your father, your tiny sick father
Is beating his meat to a Playboy magazine
Hes got it rolled into a tube
And hes got his tiny sick pud stuffed in the middle of it
Right flat up against the centerfold
There he is your father with a tiny sick erection
And you walk in and you say:
Father I want to kill you
And he says: Not now son, not now
HANDS UP!
OOOO LAAAA
I know that its so hard stop playing this soul music, you know, cause it really . . . For one thing its really easy . . . And for another thing: It wastes a lot of time while were on stage. We learned in our travels that teenagers are ready to accept these two chords no matter how theyre played. It makes you feel secure, cause you know that after, did de dit de didde the other one is gonna come on. It never fails, simple . . . Some people would say its bullshit. But we love it, don't we kids?
Captain Beefheart (vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Janschi (bass)
Vic Mortenson (drums)
This album is not available to the public ...
Even if it were, you wouldn't wanna listen to it!
[mouth noises]
Iron Man!
[screams]
That's fine!
Tiger spine!
Work out!
Monza blocks!
Light switch!
Roaches' smocks!
Ice cream!
What a dream!
Memories of
Flyin' machines!
Green Lantern!
Funny lizard!
Three-way!
Out'sight!
Buddy learns!
See Spot run!
Work out!
Have some fun!
Yeah ...
[screams]
[screams]
Wilhelmina!
Mildew!
[screams]
Billboard!
Night light!
Hammerhead!
Outta sight!
In Baghdad
Roaches fly!
Outta sight!
'Cross the grassy sky!
Anvils fly!
Mountains burp!
Turpentine!
[Deano/Duno/Tuna/Tina werp?]
Lord gosh!
Oooh ...
[Rush eye / Musheye?] ...
[harp imitation, screams and coughs]
What's that noise?
Looks like green!
Maybe it's purple?
[Spotlight / Spot eye?]!
Hammer law?
Bend iron!
So fine ...
Spider: This is Phaze III. This is also...
John: Well,get trhough Phaze I & II first.
Spider: Alright, alright. Here's Phaze I...
F.Z.:The audience sits inside of a big piano and they listen to it grow.
Spider: People are going to sit inside of a piano. They're going to listen to
this piano grow.
John: They're going to listen to the piano grow?
Spider: Listen!...
Monica: This is going to turn into a...
Spider: It's going to turn into another Haight-Ashbury.Remember how we
commercialized on that scene?
John: That was a really good move.
Monica: Oh! That was a confession.
Spider: Right man..and all it was was like people sitting in doorways freaking
out tourists going "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round!
Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing".
John: Oh yeah, That's what doing your thing is!
Moon: This is all wrong. This is all wrong
FZ: The pigs run the city, the ponies run the TV station and you wanted to apply for a job
Spider: Some of them wear these jackets that are made out of polished animal skins. It's called leather
John: Leather?
Monica: Oh, and their tight black pants
Spider: It's sort of like plastic, only it's made out of animals
Larry: It's sad, ain't it?
Monica: Yeah
Larry: Um, you can't win 'em all
Moon: Oh!
Mike: Sweetheart . . .
Moon: What?
Mike: If we go to the . . . we could probably be alone
Moon: Yeah
Ali: Wo?
Moon: . . . could drink coffee . . .
Ali: Ja! Kaffe war a scho guat, aba des is a Klavier . . .
Mike: I want some soul food . . .
Moon: . . . it's a heartbeat and it feels like a . . .
Mike: Have you seen 'Jungle Fever'?
Moon: . . . a big . . .
Ali: Ha, ha gordum once, sinemaya gittim ben . . .
Mike: 'Jungle Fever.' The girl with the big butt?
Ali: Bak, bu piyanonun icinde nereden sinema buldun sen?
Moon: This must have been what the brochure was talking about. They said you'd . . . you'd feel a . . . a kind of a serenity . . . a feeling of peace of . . . of . . .
Mike: Hey, why, why don't you shut up?!
Ali: Cocuklar, siz saatlerce kahveden birsey anlatiyorsunuz, ama burada . . . ah, bunlarda acayip sarkilar soyluyorlar . . . acayip, degilmi? Yagmurda basliyor . . .
Moon: . . . entering into a different realm . . . I can't remember the name of it . . .
Mike: Hey, yo man . . . I don't like all this waterfall action
Moon: . . . and I guess that's where most of the part of it's . . . I . . . guess it's all about resolving past crime and everything . . . and . . . also . . . about . . .
Ali: Bence . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, hey . . . this ain't the 'Blue Lagoon'! What the hell . . . this ain't 'I Dream of Jeanie'
Ali: Bu pianonun icinde bir . . . meyhane gibi birsey yapmak lazim, yani, piano guzel bir sey ama, . . . bende seni hic anlamiyorum abi . . .
Mike: What? Man, man, I'm gonna close off communications if you don't start speaking the language, Jack!
?: Okay, it's, uh, just about time, you guys, what d'you say?
?: [...]
?: Uh . . .
?: One?
?: Rolling?
?: Rolling . . . Frank is rolling
?: Rolling? It's rolling . . . ?
?: One!
?: Test two
?: Test . . . three
?: Oh, now this is what I call brotherly love
?: Man, chics are really harm, man. Now there are tits
?: Hey you're taking between that baby [...]
Aaaaah . . .
?: No stopping!
?: Oh, I'm telling you . . .
?: There is a chic where I'm hung
?: Oh yes . . . And she enjoys every moment
?: She wants you Dick
?: She's waiting for your big . . .
?: Now listen
?: Bwana?
?: She said give me the guy with the throb
AAH!
?: Oh . . . really?
?: Okay, enough
?: What can you say?
?: See you later
?: See, this is what happens when you join up a rock group, George, get off that jazz syndrome . . . there's no lust in jazz
Frank Zappa (synclavier)
Ensemble Modern
Ich bin grad reinkommen
(I just came in)
und da hab i gsehn, dass
(and I noticed that)
da so viel Platz is
(there is so much room here)
[someone says that this is not the 'UN man..']
Ich versteh kein Wort
(I don't understand a word)
Ich bin do in dem Klavier
(I am in this piano and )
drinne und's klingt so komisch
(it sounds so strange)
[someone says 'this ain't CNN'...]
Do kommt ma scho rum in dem Klavier
(you sure get around in this piano)
[someone says 'my fist speaks English...']
I net, i net, wenn i red no red i
(Not me, not me, when I speak I do)
scho bayrisch
(speak bavarian)
[A different voice in German:]
Bevor ich hier reingekommen
(Before I came in here, I had a)
bin, da hab ich ein Patrami
(Pastrami sandwich,)
sandwich gegessen, es war gut
(it was good)
Gebt's ihm doch ein Pony,
(Give him a Pony, yes, give him)
jo, gebt's ihm ein Pony
(a Pony)
[then they talk about 'room service' and how to make a phone call from a payphone.]
Ah, a Zahltelefon
(Ah, a payphone)
[You hear again a different voice in German. This is a commercial for a German phone service company:]
Telefonkarte
(Phone credit card)
Qualitaet und Sicherheit
(Quality and security)
aus einer Hand
(from one source)
Wir sind Deutschlands
(We are Germany's)
Kommunikationsgesellschaft
(communication company)
Drei Null Eins Eins Null Drei Eins Eins Drei Sechs
(3 0 1 1 0 3 1 1 3 6)
Qualitaet und Sicherheit
(Quality and security)
aus einer Hand
(from one source)
TELECOM
(TELECOM)
[then it goes on until 'Rap .. HIP HOP ...']
Sonate - das ist Musik
(Sonata (or serenade?)- that's music)
Mozart, Mozart
Mondscheinsonate
(Moonlight serenade)
Des klingt so grauenhaft
(This sounds so awful)
des moecht i fei nimmer hoeren
(I don't want to hear this anymore)
Howard: From 200 Motels he expects the worst reviews of any movie ever put out, and I said, 'Yeah, Frank? Why is that?' And he says, 'Well, nobody's ready for it . . .
' But it doesn't really matter, you know? He knows that the kids are gonna go see it, because it's a weird movie. By the time this jerky comes out, man, I mean, there still won't be anything out close to it
Spider: The way I see it, Barry, this should be a very dynamite show.
Howard: I think the big problem, Ian, is that it sort of gotta go 'HOO-HAA!' as you do it. HOO-WAAARGH!
Ian: You're gonna be the king, the spew king, really
?: Disintegrated in two seconds
Howard: Walter Dale
?: Oh, God, there's a few people here, I didn't
?: There are a lot people here
?: My God
?: They're all twelve years old and pimply
Aynsley: Are they penetratable?
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Adrian Belew (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Andre Lewis (background vocals)
Randy Thornton (background vocals)
Davey Moire (background vocals)
Why dontcha take it down the seashore, Bernie?
[Fillmore East, NYC
June 5-6, 1971]
FZ: The Sanzini Brothers!
Howard: The Sanzini Brothers!
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight by special request, we're going to repeat a trick that we performed last night. We hope that you will bear with, if you saw it, we hope that you enjoy it again . . .
?: Yeah, yeah, yeah
Howard: My brothers Adolf, Rudolph, Pissoff, and Jackoff. The Sanzini Brothers. And we'd like to perform for you tonight the world famous 'Sodomy Trick'!
Complete silence, please!
The Sodomy Trick!
Quiet . . .
Hop!
Hop!
Hop!
Hop!
Little Carl . . .
Ray Collins (lead vocals, harmonica, tambourine, finger cymbals, bobby pin, tweezers)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass, guitarron, boy soprano)
Elliot Ingber (lead guitar, rhythm guitar)
Suzy?
Suzy Creamcheese?
This is the voice of your conscience baby, uh I just want to
Check one thing out with you, do you mind dear?
What?
Suzy Creamcheese, honey, what's got into you?
AAAAAAAAH, HMMMMMMMM, ahahahah, oo-oo-oo
Cream...
Aha, oohoo, aha, oohoo...
Creamcheese
What's happening man?
America's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful,
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
It really makes it.
Cream-cheese.
Ooo aha, oohoo, aha, oohoo
Hahahahahaha.
A minute man, crazy man, it's happening man, flashing man
Flashing man, flashing man, crazy man,
It really makes it
Flashing man
Aha oohoo, aha oohoo, ...
Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese,
Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese,
Creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese, creamcheese,
Creamcheese.
HAHA HIHI HAHA HIHI. Creamcheese, creamcheese...
Did you pick up on that?
[Instrumental]
FZ: Tonight you guys are going to try and figure out the pigs' music
Spider: You see if we understood it, maybe we could help the pigs understand
John: Nah, the problem with that is you think the pigs are essentially kind at heart . . .
Spider: Aw, I didn't say that . . .
John: But the pigs are essentially pigs
John: If we could either move the smoke or if we turn the cold light on it and shrink it so they can't even salute it . . .
Spider: It's . . . it's really . . . It's sort of the opposite event. You see it was a long time ago when Pigs and Ponies used to inter-breed with people on farms . . . and they reached a state where . . . where like the pigs were . . . communicable. They brought 'em in and tried . . . tried to teach them things. They're just as likely to live in the ocean as anywhere else . . . Wouldn't get rid of them, really. Just means that the ocean would be just as unsafe as every other place. That's what happened. Ya know, they tried to put 'em places where they wouldn't make it, but they made it anyway
John: They wanted to use yaks, too
Pig With Wings: EE . . . EE . . . EE . . . EE
Spider: What's that?
John: That's the Pig with Wings
[6:41]
O'Hearn: Damn it!
FZ: What's your name?
Mr Tickman: I'm Martin Tickman
FZ: And what is your position here?
Mr Tickman: Front office manager
FZ: The name of this stablishment is . . . ?
Mr Tickman: This is the Edgewater Inn
FZ: In Seattle, Washington. Can you tell me, uh, how some rock'n'roll groups have taken advantage of this unique situation?
Mr Tickman: They've taken advantage in different ways, and we do encourage, uh, and advertise that you can fish from your room and we are glad to have our guests fish from 'em
FZ: Do you supply them with fishing equipment?
Mr Tickman: No, but we have a shop in the hotel that does rent the equipment as well as bait
FZ: What sort of bait do they usually use?
Mr Tickman: Uh, it's a preserved minnow of some variety, I don't know exactly what the fish is
FZ: Well, what do they do after they fish from the window?
Mr Tickman: Well, rock'n'roll bands and other guests as well often catch shark and squid and octopus and usually we, it lands up either in the bath tub or dribbled on the floor on the way to the bath tub
FZ: Mm-mmh . . .
Mr Tickman: But it's not reserved to, uh, to any rock'n'roll bands, I mean, other guests do it too
FZ: Mm-mmh, but how frequently do you find squids and sharks and octopuses in the bath tubs of the rooms here at the hotel?
Mr Tickman: After almost any good weekend of pretty heavy occupancy, say like over half the house filled
FZ: If you have over the . . .
Mr Tickman: Way, way . . .
FZ: . . . over half house filled you'd find one, say?
Mr Tickman: Yeah, say, one or something like that
FZ: So how often would you say that is each week? Twice a week you'd find a . . . ?
Mr Tickman: Well, I would, I don't know that I would say that it would average to anything like that, you may find on four or five rooms with fish from various places, you know, around. But there's not much you can do with the shark after you've caught him, you know, some of these things are pretty big
FZ: What would you imagine is done with these, uh, sharks after they've been caught before they are left, uh, for you to be cleaned up?
Mr Tickman: Sometimes the guest calls the houseman or housekeeper to haul it away because there's nothing that they can do with it
FZ: Yeah, well. Have you ever heard of any other things that were done with them before they were hauled away?
Mr Tickman: Yes, a lot of, some people like to, uh, perform vivisection on 'em, or something like that. Occasionally you find that little bit of mess . . .
FZ: Yeah
Mr Tickman: I'll say that the, the, the 'blood on the carpet' syndrome is rather, eh, rather rare, but it did occasionally happen
FZ: Do you ever find fish blood on the sheets of your beds here?
Mr Tickman: Not identifiable as such, no . . .
FZ: I see. Do you know of any stories about, uh, bizarre sexual activities performed with squid, octopus and mud sharks here in your rooms?
Mr Tickman: No . . . I should think a mud shark would be a little uncomfortable, since their skin is so sandy but, uh, never heard of anyone having it with an octopus
I know baby it's hard to be strong
Just take the good with the bad
And don't think you're alone
Cause I know all your sad goodbyes
Cause I've been there before
To help you dry your eyes
Sweetheart
Who love you from the start
Who treats you like a star
Oh sweetheart
Who loves you baby
Who loves you wrong or right
Cause you're the spark in my life
Yeah day and night
And when trouble a-keeps knockin'
Down your door
Just call on me babe
And it won't be 'round no more
Sweetheart oh I know, yes I know
No matter how long
I'll be by your side
Singing this song
Howard: Sure, man, and I'll go until two and I'm gonna be in there supporting 'em, in fact I'll sit in with those guys. I'm into it, I'll sing a little 'Blue Moon . . . '
Mark: Hey man . . .
Dick: Listen, this is a nice place, man, it's got a beautiful room . . .
Howard: Don't give me that man, it's plastic city, it bites, the guy behind . . .
Dick: Relax and enjoy some of the wo-, wonderments of nature . . .
Howard: No no no no, the guy behind the desk is a werewolf. You can't give me any of that, the chick over there's been dead for twenty minutes. I'm hip to this place, I've seen 'em in my sleep, man
Dick: Hey, listen, I've never seen you this way, man
Howard: No, man, I'm not keyed at all
Dick: You're unpleasant
Howard: I'm not unpleasant! I can't wait to sign the card and check into my little closet. Unpack my leather cape, hang it up on the wall, get out the washboard, put away my nitty books and get into it! I'm gonna go down and cruise in that lounge, man, I'm gonna have . . .
Dick: Watch this, it's right in there, just step right in
Howard: I'm gonna take a look
?: Hello, Frank . . .
Howard: Ooohoowwoh!
Mark: Hey, what is this, man? Is this the can-can room?
Howard: This place waits for us, man
Mark: This place waits us! Is there a piano?
Howard: There's a juke box with a lotta hokie country songs on it. I am coming in here and getting blotto in about ten minutes
Mark: Oh, man, me too!
Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
THING-FISH:
Welcome to the QUENTIN ROBERT DE NAMELAND VIDEO CHAPEL OF ECONOMIC WORSHIP!
ENSEMBLE: (singing)
Some take THE BIBLE
For what it's worth
When it says that THE MEEK
Shall inherit THE EARTH
Well, I heard that some Sheik
Has bought New Jersey last week,
'N you suckers ain't gettin' DOODLY!
Is all de MAMMYS really wrong,
If we's wandrin' aroun'
Wit' de nakkin on?
Big ol' lips like a duck,
While we's singin' dis song,
(EVIL PRINCE, people, he cain't do NOTHIN'!)
THING-FISH:
You say yo' life a 'BUM DEAL',
'N yo' 'UP AGAINST DE WALL'?
Well, people, you ain't got no kinda
'DEAL' at all!
Now de shit dey be doin'
Down in WASHINGTUM,
ENSEMBLE:
Dey just takes care
THING-FISH:
Dey takin' care
ENSEMBLE:
Of number one
THING-FISH:
O' 'NUMBER ONE',
ENSEMBLE:
An' 'NUMBER ONE' ain't YOU!
THING-FISH:
Oh no! It ain't you or you!
ENSEMBLE:
YOU ain't even 'NUMBER TWO'!
THING-FISH:
(Push de button, pull dat chain,
Out come dat lil' brown
Choo-choo train!)
ENSEMBLE:
Those JESUS-FREAKS,
Well, they're friendly, BUT,
The SHIT they BELIEVE
Has got their minds ALL SHUT,
An' they don't even CARE
When 'THE CHURCH' takes a 'CUT'!
(Ain't it BLEAK when you've got so much NOTHIN'?)
THING-FISH:
So whaddya do?
ENSEMBLE:
EAT that PORK!
EAT that HAM!
Laugh till ya choke
On BILLY GRAHAM!
BROWN MOSES, AARON, 'n ABRAHAM:
They're ALL a waste of TIME,
'N it's YOUR ASS that's ON THE LINE!
THING-FISH:
Wohhhhhh, heah me talkin' to ya, now,
IT'S YOUR ASS THAT'S ON THE LINE!
ENSEMBLE:
Do what you WANNA,
THING-FISH:
Ohh! Do what ya wanna!
ENSEMBLE:
Do WHAT YOU WILL,
THING-FISH:
Do what you will!
ENSEMBLE:
Just DON'T MESS UP
THING-FISH:
Don't mess it!
ENSEMBLE:
YOUR NEIGHBOR'S THRILL,
THING-FISH:
Dat's right!
ENSEMBLE:
'N when you PAY THE BILL,
THING-FISH:
Aww, when y'pay de bill...
ENSEMBLE:
Kindly LEAVE A LITTLE TIP,
THING-FISH:
One-Adam-Twelve...
ENSEMBLE:
And help the NEXT POOR SUCKER
THING-FISH:
See de sucker...
ENSEMBLE:
On his ONE WAY TRIP!
(SOME TAKE THE BIBLE!)
THING-FISH:
Aw, gimme a half a duzzning fo' de hotel ruim!
Well this is the story of a man
That lived in Pistoia
This is the story of a man
That lived in Pistoia
He was a funny little fellow
With feet just like I showed ya
Well he had a girl
And Tony got her for him
Well he had a girl
But Sinobbio says he got it
She did everything for him
That she could do
But still (still still)
He locked her in the bathroom
But still (still still)
He locked her in the bathroom
Then he took her to Milan
and locked her in the hotel too
Oh Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou )
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
Oh Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou )
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
You did everything for him
[London
Probably November 29, 1970]
Howard: This fucking guy is flipped out, man! I'll be locked up!
?: Who, me . . . ?
Yeah, you too!
?: It was anti-semitic of me to bring it up
?: Why, you don't like Jews, man?
?: Let me make it perfectly clear, [...] I don't mind that you are Jew, stay out . . . Take your Bar Mitzvah man, and shove it
?: I never had a Bar Mitzvah
?: You ever had a Yamulka, man?
?: No, I wore one once, though . . .
?: I knew it
?: What's wrong? You don't like 'em, man? That was [...] my cowboy hat . . .
?: [...] Just keep it out of my way, man, I don't wanna see that Yamulka on stage ever . . .
?: Uh . . . well, I don't know, man, that'd be sorta neat, not in this group of course, but tomorrow
?: Alright, alright . . .
?: Howard Kaylan World!
?: The Yamulka
FZ: Ha ha ha!
: Dear Frank, thanks for paying a hundred twenty three dollars for my meal in Amsterdam, which I hated!
?: I mean it, man
?: I really enjoy playing in your little own ensemble
?: For a day or so
?: Thanks for bringing a little slice of sunshine into my life
?: Thanks for showing me how sh . . . shitty the music business could really be, I thought I knew
?: Thanks for make [...] worst bass player in the world
?: After six months with the Mothers I figured I've lost everything I've ever had
Bruce: Bruce [...] . . .
FZ: What?
Bruce: From Reprise Records
FZ: Hi, there, how you doing?
Bruce: How you doing? Nice to see you again
FZ: Alright
Bruce: How's it going?
FZ: Well, it's alright
Bruce: Good. Hey, we got a neat publicity stunt we'd like to try
FZ: What's the stunt?
Bruce: We got a garbage truck we'd like to get some pictures of you and the Mothers on it
FZ: That's probably one of the most terrible ideas I've ever heard in my life! We're going down there?
Bruce: Yeah!
Mark: You'd love it, you know that?
Bruce: And, uh, we got that news paper here to cover it and, uh, plus, the front of the chart and stuff
FZ: The front of the chart . . .
Bruce: Yes, the, uh, FM chart that's put over here in Vancouver as a distribution for fifty thousand
FZ: What do you think, Dick?
Dick: What? A photo at the garbage truck?
Bruce: I think it's really gonna be a great idea, I really do
. . . on the other side of that
'But it won't be lonely for long . . . '
What's the deal?
Howard: Must we stand amidst the scum to get the idea across?
'Where are you on this ah long hot summer
Where are you on this ah . . . '
Mark: Are we going in it?
You think you can possibly . . . with the foot there?
[includes Uncle Meat]
Heh heh heh . . . GrrrRRRNNHH . . .
Suzy: The first thing that attracted me to Mothers music was
the fact that they played for twenty minutes and everybody was hissing and booing and falling off the dance floor . . . And Elmer was yelling at them to get off stage and turn down their amplifiers
Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone, piano)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone, clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Arthur Tripp (drums, percussion)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Members of The BBC Symphony Orchestra
(Next during the JIMMY CARL BLACK PHILOSOPHY LESSON we learn that If you wanna get laid after the show, you gotta play rock n roll music an drink beer -- you're not gonna get laid anyway with those uniforms on! He announces his intention to quit The Mothers, planning to make his way into the audience in order to hustle some young ladies. It was my unfortunate duty to remind him that here in London, your'e not gonna get any pussy unless you like a pop star --. The make-up team dresses him up to look like a cross between Donovan and Jimi Hendrix. With a bottle of beer (DOUBLE DIAMOND) in each hand he charges into the audience.)
At this very moment Jimmy Carl Black the Indian of the group is approaching the stage. Jimmy Carl likes to drink and also likes to boogie all night long and is also horny. Approaches Underwood in his transformed state at the piano and ask him this all important question:
Jimmy Carl:
Hey I thought we're gonna play a Rock & Roll concert. What is this?
Ian:
Jimmy Carl Black indian of the group? Four fours.
Jimmy Carl:
How are you gonna get laid if you dont play rock & roll & drink beer. You get laid after the concert if you play rock & roll, this kind of crap you're not gonna . . .
Ian:
You're not gonna get laid anyway with that uniform on.
Jimmy Carl:
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna quit I'm gonna out and hustle me some chick, the hell with you. I'm leaving the group.
(?):
Jimmy you need some discipline
Jimmy Carl(?) For your own good, that here in London you're not gonna get any pussy unless you look like a popstar. Fix him up! Mod Jacket, a thrilly Mod Neckpiece, Jimmy Hendrix wig, and a Feather Boa.
Jimmy Carl:
Waaaaaaaaaaa
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Eddie Jobson (keyboards, violin, vocals)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion, synthesizer)
Don Pardo (vocals)
David Samuels (vibes)
Randy Brecker (trumpet)
Mike Brecker (tenor saxophone, flute)
Lou Marini (alto saxophone, flute)
Ronnie Cuber (baritone saxophone, clarinet)
Tom Malone (trombone, trumpet, piccolo)
John Bergamo (percussion over-dub)
Ed Mann (percussion over-dub)
Louanne Neil (osmotic harp over-dub)
And now folks it's time for Don Pardo To deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement Take it away, Don
"This is a true story
About a famous criminal
From right around Chicago
This is the story of Michael Kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment
For the crime of armed robbery
It so happened, that at the time of the robbery
Michael, decided to give his female victims
A little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael Kenyon
THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT!"
The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women...
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois...he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy...
HOT SOAP WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And then the bandit might say, "Why is everybody looking' at me?"
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S
YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"
ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?
The Bandit say, "It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
etc. repeat
Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema
Enema
FZ: Take two
How many bars?
FZ: Uh . . . Why don't you count it off?
Alright
FZ: You start . . . You three start together on this
Alright
One . . . Two . . . One, two
[includes a quote from The Streets Of Cairo (Thornton)]
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
The idiot bastard son
(THE FATHER'S A NAZI IN CONGRESS TODAY
THE MOTHER'S A HOOKER SOMEWHERE IN L.A.)
The idiot bastard son
(ABANDONED TO PERISH IN BACK OF A CAR
KENNY WILL STASH HIM AWAY IN A JAR)
THE IDIOT BOY!
(all the time he would spend at the church he'd attend...
warming his pew)
Kenny will feed him & Ronnie will watch
THE CHILD WILL THRIVE & GROW
And enter the world
Of liars & cheaters & people like you
Who smile & think you know
What this is about
(YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING... maybe so)
The song we sing, DO YOU KNOW?
We're listening...
THE IDIOT BOY!
(all the time he would spend all the colors he'd blend...
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
I mean, really, really, I mean, you guys,
What can I say, you guys are my favorite band
You gotta tell me somethin',
Are you here in Hollywood long?
I mean, I just...
No, I'm ah, we're recording here in town
You're recording here?
Yeah, at the Record Plant
The Record Plant?
Yeah
Oh, Bobby Sherman records here
I just love Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy
Do you know David Cassidy?
No, I...
Have you ever run into any members of the Tree Dog Night?
Joe Shermy once I...
Oh! They are my favorite band!
They're so professional, I mean...
So creative...
How 'bout David Crosby? I mean...
He's so in, you know, I...
No, I never...
He's...he just knows...
I mean, he almost cut his hair but he didn't
No, listen, ah, do you know how...
Do you know how to get to the Chateau Mormon from here?
Not exactly...is it by the, by the airport?
No no, we don't, we have a bus on this particular thing
Yeah
Tell me one thing: do you like my new car?
Oh yeah! It's a...Pavilion, isn't it?
Oh, not just a Pavilion, it's a Pauley Pavilion
Yeah, it's real futuristic,
I like the little naked man turn signals
So ah, we gotta get up, you know,
And ah, go to the studio in the morning
And then we groove court for about two weeks
And then we ah, we leave again
Oh, really?
Where do you play when you go from here?
Ah, let me see...Needles...
Oh oh! You guys are so professional
No, it's nothing...
I mean the way you get to travel to all those exotic towns
You get to playin' and playin' in all these great sounding
halls
Tell me somethin': do you really have a hitsingle in the
charts now?
Right now, I mean, with a bullet?
That's really important
Listen baby, would I lie to you
Just to run my fingers through your pukes?
Don't talk to me that way!
I am not a groupie!
I never said that...
I'm not a groupie
Neither are my friends here
Jim and Ian and Aynsley and Don and Frank
None of us are groupies
Pleased to meet all you girls
Hiya Howie...
Tell 'em, tell 'em, we don't...we aren't groupies
Howard
Yeah
We only like musicians for friends
That's right
You, you know, you understand?
We still wanna hear your record
You know, we still like to come in your bus
Listen now, on the other side of the record,
Didn't you say that you got off bein' juked
With a baby octopus and spewed upon with cream corn?
And that your hair-lipped queen-o-bassplayin' girlfriend
With the cross ties and the tits on her shirt
Had to have it with a hot Seven-Up bottle or you went up the
wall?
Oh! Howie...
What's the deal, mama?
Howie, all that's true, Howie
And sometimes I even dig it with a Jack-In-The-Box ring job
But Howie, we are NOT, we are NOT groupies, Howie
I told Robert Plant that
I told Elton John
I told Steve Stills
Yeah
And he didn't even wanna ball me
I can see that...
Listen, the thing is baby, I want some action, you know
I'm only here for a couple of weeks,
Recording at the Record Plant
With that naked statue in the bathroom and stuff...
I'm horny as fuck!
Listen to me...
I want a steaming, succulent, juicy, drippy, ever-widening
Kind of a smelly, slimy, many folded,
Sort of in-and-out contracting sphincter
Kind of a hole with a, with a, with a...
Let's see, there's gotta be a way I can put this discreetly
Let's say we hop in the isle over those guys
And the blewin' FUCK BABY!
Hey, hey, hey!
I'm in this band man...
I told you that many times
No matter what goes on
Listen! It just so happens tonight
I mean, this is unbelievable
Are you a Virgo
No...
I mean, it just so happens tonight
Me and my girlfriends, well,
We came here lookin' for a guy from a group
But just not ANY guy from ANY group
Yeah...
We're lookin' for a guy from a group with a DIK
Well, I can show you!
But he's gotta have a dik which is a monster!
(Wow!)
That's me!
You peeked!
That's me, you little Westward wench nipple-queen!
Take me, I'm yours, you hole.
Fulfil my wildest dreams!
Oh! Anything for you my most seductive pop star of a man.
Yeah?
Picture this if you can
Okay, I'll try...
Bead jobs
Knotted nylons
Bamboo canes
Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Fighting at the Fillmore East.
Two unreleased recordings of...of the Grateful Dead,
Sitting in with Mel Torme
Yeah!
No! I...
Oh! Man! Oh, I, I just...
I can't stand it!
Do you understand me baby?
I mean, I can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
I gotta see my baby!
I gotta...
They're gonna clear out the studio
They're gonna tear down all the . . .
They're gonna whip down all the . . .
They're gonna sweep out all the . . .
They're gonna pay off all the . . .
(Oh, yeah!)
And then . . .
And then . . .
And then . . .
And then . . .
Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
Talkin' 'bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers
Talkin' 'bout the light bulb men
Camera men
The make-up men
(The fake-up men)
Yeah, the rake-up men
(Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah . . .)
They're all gonna rise up
They're gonna jump up
I said jump up
Talkin' 'bout jump right up and off the floor
Jump right up and hit the door
They're all gonna rise up and jump off!
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
And once again
Take themselves
Seriously, yeeeah!
Two, three, four, seriously
They're all gonna go home (ye-hey!)
Through the driving sleet and rain
They're all gonna go home
Through the fog, through the dust
Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost
They're all gonna go home
And get out of it as they can be, baby
And the same goes for me
(The same goes for me)
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group in his own special way
Is gonna get out of it as he can be
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
And I am definitely gonna get . . .
REAMED
'Cause I'm such a lonely
I'm such a lonely
A lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy!
Oh, and I know tonight, I am definitely . . .
I am positively . . .
I just have to get . . .
BENT, REAMED AND WASTED
JCB: A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey!
Howard: He's making me do this, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for him. You noticed, all through this material, I've been glancing over toward my left? Well, I'll tell you the reason for that, ladies and gentlemen. HE is over there. HE is over on the left. HE is the guy that is making me do all this shit. Right over there. Now all through this movie, every time we've been on stage, I've had to look over in that direction, right? You saw it . . . you know. Well that's 'cause HE's over there. I've got to watch him for signs. He jumps up and down like a jackass. I can't even believe the guy sometimes. But we gotta watch him. 'After all,' we said, 'it's Frank's movie.' Now, we're THE MOTHERS, but it's still Frank's movie. Let's say it, he got to paid for it, he rented the studio, had all these cheesy sets built . . . it's so moche! I can't even stand it . . . He's telling everybody, right now, right over there, to . . .
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
And you'll be my Duchess
My Duchess of Prunes
I'm looking through the prune in June
Reveals your chest I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart I bite your neck
The cheese I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
(NEW CHEESE!)
Prune (Pa-da-dah!)
If they are a fresh Prune (Pa-da-dah!)
Know no cheese
(Chunka, chunka cheeky chunka)
(Chunka, cheesy, stinky chunka)
And they just lie there
Taller and sickening and it just...I don't know (Lo)
And I know, I think
The love I have for you will never end (well, maybe)
And so my love I offer you
A love that is strong, A prune that is true
(This is the exciting part. This is like the Supremes
see the way it builds up? Feel it?)
(Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby)
(My Prune is yours, my love
My cheese for you, savings through and through
My baby I do
My baby I do
My baby Prunes
My baby Prunes
I love you
I love you
O baby prunes
O cheesy fat
O cheesy fat
Big John Mazmanian!
Gas Rhonda!
Funny Car!
Sunday!
FZ: Thank you
Aynsley: You're welcome
Howard: Hey, listen!
Mark: My throat . . .
Howard: Send me twelve eight by ten glossies in Monday's mail
?: Fifty bucks a piece
Howard: Fifty bucks a piece? Cheap at twice the price. Call my service
?: Right
Howard: Thanks a lot man, would really . . . A funny door!
[Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 19, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
Dick:
I started out in Florida, uh producing a record at a studio, and I got friendly with the engineer, and got interested in engineering. Next thing I knew, I was listening to an album called 'Freak Out!' by the Mothers Of Invention. I became very interested in their concept of music, their concept of, of uh, society in general, and their concept of humor, which I thought was very good, and uh enjoyed, because uh, they were saying a lot- whole lotta bunch of stuff that I wanted to say and I agreed with and thought was true. Then one day I decided, 'I'll move to New York' because the air is clean, and the people are friendly, and everybody's in love. So I went to New York, and I got this job at this incredible twelve track studio. Well, I didn't know from twelve track, I thought four track was really hot stuff. So I went in there and they said, 'here's the board. Learn it.' He go, 'Your first client's coming in in five minutes.' Well, my first client was Frank Zappa,
A-ha-hah!
Bwah-ha-ha!
(Cough! Cough!)
Ha ha ha ha!
Nyah-ha-ha!
Ha ha ha . . . ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .
Nyah-ha-ha-ha!
Oh . . . Arbitrary!
Nyah-ha-ha-ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
AH HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA
Arbitrary!
HA HA
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Bwah ha ha . . . (Cough!)
Mmph ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha (cough! cough!)
AH HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA
Arbitrary!
HA HA
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
White juice on his beard
Well the booger man
White juice on his beard
Get down
White juice on his beard
The booger man
White juice on his beard
In my room
White juice on his beard
Look at the booger
White juice on his beard
Then he was gone
White juice on his beard
Wait three hours
White juice on his beard
Didnt sing no song
White juice on his beard
I said: What youre doing
None of your bizz
Said what youre doing
He said: None of your bizz
His pants were sticking through his leg
Talk about the Booger man
His pants were sticking through his leg
Right over there
His pants were sticking through his leg
Oh the Booger man
His pants were sticking through his leg
Had a bear
His pants were sticking through his leg
The Booger man
Wonder why
They ate after six
Wonder why
I said: What youre doing
Wonder why
With you ole tricks
Wonder why
Oh Lord the Booger man
His pants were sticking through his leg
In my room
His pants were sticking through his leg
Damn little booger
White stuff on his beard
Till my noon
White stuff on his beard
What youre doing
White cream on his beard
In my bed
White cream on his beard
With that booger
His pants were sticking through his leg
Instead
His pants were sticking through his leg
Somebody find
Smell my beard is what he said
Somebody find, find, find
Smell my beard is what he said
Somebody find, find, find
Sho was good
Somebody made me do this
The Booger man get on down
The Booger man had a crown
On his head now
Cleaned his shoes
In his bed now, playin the blues, oh yeah. Ah, lord.
George:
Personally I aint got nothing against no boogers y'know every now and then you know . . .
Yes, just listen to George all you boogers in the audience. This is Georges plea.
George:
But see, what you have to remember that uh, in the final analysis, a booger to one is not a booger to all, he he . . . Aint that right, aint that right?
Thats right!
George:
Aint that right
George:
Please, get down Ruth . . .
Napoleon: As Chester would say:
A booger is in the eye of the beholder
George:
Wayne Lyles (vocals)
Terry Wimberly (piano)
Elwood jr. Madeo (guitar)
Frank Zappa (drums)
So, uh, I'd just like to tell you about a little incident at Shrine Auditorium. Um, well, see we made this scene down there, we walked in, and this..this place is big, y'know, real big, y'know? An' everybody was gonna be there. Louis Armstrong and his boys were gonna be there, (Titans) an' the Titans, (Velvetones too) and the Velvetones, and the Blackouts, so let me tell you about this scene... (we made the scene, that is obvious) ????? The Velvetones think they're Lawrence Welk.
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Eddie Jobson (keyboards, violin, vocals)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion, synthesizer)
Don Pardo (vocals)
David Samuels (vibes)
Randy Brecker (trumpet)
Mike Brecker (tenor saxophone, flute)
Lou Marini (alto saxophone, flute)
Ronnie Cuber (baritone saxophone, clarinet)
Tom Malone (trombone, trumpet, piccolo)
John Bergamo (percussion over-dub)
Ed Mann (percussion over-dub)
Louanne Neil (osmotic harp over-dub)
All right now, watch this. Let me tell you about this song. This song was originally constructed as a drum solo. That's right. Now, after Terry learned how to play The Black Page on the drum set, I figured, well, maybe it would be good for other instruments. So I wrote a melody that went along with the drum solo. And that turned into The Black Page part 1, the hard version. Then I said, well, what about the other people in the world, who might enjoy the melody of The Black Page, but couldn't really approach its statistical density in its basic form. So, I went to work and constructed a little diddy which is now being set up for you at this little disco type vamp. This is The Black Page part 2, the easy teenage New York version. Get down with your bad selves so to speak to The Black Page part 2.
Thank you.
Did anybody dance?
[Mayfair Studios, NYC
August-September, 1967
Dick Barber snorks
FZ kazoo, percussion, celeste]
Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)
THING-FISH:
Now, dis nasty sucker is de respondable party fo de en-whiffment o' de origumal potium. Through de magik o' stage-kraff, we be able to see him at woik!
He now be preparin' some ugly shit to make yo' life even mo' mizzable den it awready are, since dis batch be resigned to render him IMMORTAL! We does not know if it gwine woik yet, but we kin always hope fo' de best!
THING-FISH: (singing)
Flies all green 'n buzznin'
In his dunjing of despair
Prisoners grummle an' piss dey' clothes
'N scratch dey' matted hair
A tiny light fum a window-hole
A hunnit yards away
Is all dey ever gets t'know
'Bouts de reg'luh life in de day
An' it stink so bad, de stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In de room where de giant fowah-puffer woikin',
'N de torchum never stops
De torchum never stops
De torchum,
De torchum,
De torchum never stops
(Go on, 'DEWLLA! Play dat lil' guitar one mo'gin!)
(spoken)
Uh-oh! I smells trubba! He be messin' wit pigmeat heahhh! Muthafucker be rejectin' some CO-LOG- NUH directly into de DUO-DEENUM of de unsuspecting victim! Now he gone see if he immune to it by eatin' a dab hisseff!
(singing)
Flies all green an' buzznin'
In his dunjing of despair
An EVIL PRINCE eats a steamin' pig
In a chamber, right near dere
He eat de snouts an' de trotters foist!
De loins an' de groins id soon re-spersed
His carvin' style id well re-hoist
He stan' 'n shout:
All main be coist!
All main be coist!
All main be coist!
All main be coist!
An' dis-ergree? Well, no one durst...
He de best, of cose, of all de woist
Some wrong been done, he done it foist...
An' he stink so bad, his bones been chokin'
And weepin' greenish drops,
In de vat of GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH,
Where de Re-zease be berlin' up
Berlin' an' uh boilin' up
CO-LOG-NUH!
CO-LOG-NUH!
GALOOT CO-LOG-UH-NUH!
THING-FISH: (spoken)
Oh! Do yoseff a favum 'n DON'T USE IT! Oooooooh! Look at THESE ugly suckers! Boy, when white folks come back fum bein' dead, they sho' gets scary-lookin'! But don't take their appearance too seriously, people, 'cause dey say dis de sort o' folks dat belongs on BROADWAY! The BROADWAY ZOMBIES collect around the EVIL PRINCE, who suddenly suspects the presence of an intruder. After taking a large bite from an onion he sings...
EVIL PRINCE: (singing)
Somewhere, over there, I can tell,
There's a voice of
A potato-headed whatchamacallit
Who does not wish me well!
His clothes are quite stupid,
And also his shoes!
He's got a big ol' duck-mouth!
(Who knows how he chews!)
He thinks he knows something
About THE GREAT PLAN!
How ULTIMATE BLANDNESS
Must RULE and COMMAND
He knows not a drop,
Not a crumb,
Not a whit,
Of the reason for doing
This criminal shit
And then, if he did,
Would it matter a bit?
Not at all!
Because IT IS WRIT:
Our BEIGE-BLANDISH GOD
Tends to CERTIFY IT:
"Only the boring and bland shall survive!
Only the lamest of lameness will thrive!"
Take it or leave it, you won't be alive,
If you are overtly CREATIVE!
Fairies and faggots and queers are
'CREATIVE'
All the best music on Broadway is
'NATIVE'
Who will step forward
And end all this trouble?
For beige-blandish citizens,
Clutching the rubble
Of vanishing dreams
Of wimpish amusement,
Replaced by a rash
Of 'CREATIVE' confusement!
Soon, my brave Zombies,
You'll make your return!
Broadway will glow!
Broadway will burn!
(Along with the remnants of
EVERYTHING NEW)
My HOLY DISEASE will do
Wonders for you!
Those lovely producers
Who paid for you 'then'
Will do it again, and again, and again!
EVIL PRINCE: (singing to the Zombies)
The spying potato
With horrible diction
Will rot in the garbage
When this show's eviction
Takes place shortly after
My alternate skill
Of THEATRICAL SABOTAGE
Triumphs YOUR will!
I've a special review
I've been saving for years
For a show just like this,
With POTATOES and QUEERS
I'll say it's disgusting, atrocious, and dull
I'll say it makes boils inside of your skull
I'll say it's the worst-of-the-worst of the
year,
No wind down the plain, and it's hard on your
I'll say it's the work of an infantile mind
I'll say that it's tasteless, and that you will
find
A better excuse to spend money or time
At a Tupper-Ware Party,
So, do be a smarty!
Hold on to that dollar
A little while longer
For spending it here,
Why, it couldn't be wronger!
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?
WHERE'S IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?
THE 'HEART' AND THE 'SOUL'
THE PATTER?
THE PITTER?
And after this deadly review hits the paper,
In will come ROPER, BENDER & RAPER,
To legally execute all that remains
Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains
THING-FISH: (singing)
Flies all green an' buzznin'
In his dunjing of despair
Who are all o' dem ZOMBIES
Dat he fuckin' wit down dere?
Are dey crazy?
Are dey sainted?
Are dey STAGE-KRAFF someone painted?
It have never been explained,
Since at first it were created,
But, a MUSICAL, like we's in,
Require a WHOLE BUNCH O' EVERYTHIN'!
We talkin' EVERYTHIN' DAT EVER BEEN!
Look at her!
Look at him!
Dat what de deal we dealin' in
Dat what de deal we dealin' in
Dat what de deal we dealin' in
[Guitar solo from Whippin' Post (Allman)
Hammersmith Odeon, London
September 26, 1984
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Bobby Martin keyboards
Alan Zavod keyboards
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]
Spider: We can get our strength up by making some music
John: That's right
Monica: Yeah . . . yeah
John: But the thing is, you know what?
Spider: What?
John: We don't even understand our own music
Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength
John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
Spider: We'd get more strength from it if we understood it?
John: Yeah
Spider: No, I don't think so, because - see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it
John: Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
...operator?
phone for a minute, please...
Hello?
...yes sir...
Ah, can you call six seven eight nine eight six six
Right
Is that Vickie?
He's gonna bump you off the ass
He's got a gun, you know
If he can get ya in Laurel Canyon, he won't get you here
Hello?
Vickie?
Yeah
What's happening?
Listen:
Your father has called me up this...
Now look, just don't panic but just tell me
I'm not panicking
I think my phone's captured too
Well don't worry about it, it's quite alright
Fine... Your father called me up this afternoon
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Roy Estrada (vocals)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Lisa Popeil (vocals)
Scott Thunes (bass)
She's only seventeen
She's really sort of cute
She's working in the street
She's a teen-age prostitute
She ran away from home
Her mom was destitute
Her daddy doesn't care
She's a teen-age prostitute
"I have got a pimp
He treats me like a dog..."
(All the stuff she's shooting
Keeps her in a fog)
"I would really like to try and get away..."
(But if she gets caught he'll cause her some dismay)
Tiny little pants
Chain around my boot
Shakin' in the dark
Oooh!
Tears began to fall,
The writings on the wall
Tears began to fall
Since my baby go away
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own
I said my tears began to fall
I ain't got no love at all
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down my shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby go away
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Tears began to fall
Ayayayaaaa...
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own,
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down my shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby go away
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free...
TO SING & DANCE & LOVE
There will come a time when every evil
That we know will be an evil...
THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE
Who cares if hair is long or short
or sprayed or partly grayed...
WE KNOW THAT HAIR AIN'T WHERE IT'S AT
(there will come a time when you won't
even be ashamed if you are fat!)
WAH WAH-WAH WAH
There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free...
TO SING & DANCE & LOVE (dance and love)
There will come a time when every evil
that we know will be an evil...
THAT WE CAN RISE ABOVE (rise above)
Who cares if you're so poor you can't afford
To buy a pair of Mod A Go-Go stretch-elastic pants...
THERE WILL COME A TIME WHEN YOU CAN EVEN
Wow!
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Mike Keneally (guitar, synthesizer)
Bobby Martin (keyboards)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Walt Fowler (trumpet, vocals)
Bruce Fowler (trombone)
Paul Carman (alto saxophone)
Albert Wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt McGettrick (baritone saxophone)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Awright, welcome, and good evening to the baseball game. Im Skip Carey, and with Keith Van Weiren (?) For another game between the Atlanta Braves and the Chicago Cubs. The braves are featuring another outstanding cast. (Arf!) We got a wonderful cast of characters here. Hes a home run interim RBA leader for the year, what do you think?
Well uh, I don't know what the problem is with these Braves this year theyve really been having trouble with one run games, on Sundays for some reason I don't know what it is, what do you think.
Well Pete eh . . . the Dodgers had that problem last year, lot of one run games specially on Sundays, well they suddenly ended up uhhhh.... last in the league. Uhhhh.... Coming over here, Zane Smith is pitchin today and I hear hes got good stuff.
Well actually I think the main problem is eh the rookies, the rookies have just not be coming through. They havent been able to handle that curve ball. Seems to me like they really don't go over that.
Oh here he goes, smash foul. He doesnt look to the plate. (That goes for your little dog, too!)
He really gets a hold of that one, its gone.
Yes, Elvis has left the building!
(An that goes for your little dog, too! An that goes for your little dog, too!)
Move away for the seventh inning stretch after theeeeee... game
They're singing.
He swung on it and missed
Smash foul
Fans getting out of here in a hurry.
The player steps out to the plate.
(Arf!)
Take me out to the game.
Uh, you can buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks.
I don't care if he never gets back.
Motorhead: I keep switching girls all the time, because if I'm able to find a girl with really a groovy car that ain't build up, man,
I'll go steady with her for a while until I'd build up her car and blow out the engine!
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe and his date are going back to the apartment to have a little party...
Joe:
Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,
I beg
Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,
Little wires,
pliers, tires
They turn me on
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy,
mon...
Stroking several of SY's gleaming appendages, JOE continues...
Gee, Sy
This is a real groovy
apartment
You've got here
Sy Borg:
All government
sponsored recreational
services are clean and
efficient
Joe:
This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated
machine
That looks like a
magical pig
With marital aids
stuck all over it
Such as yourself
before
Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It's a way of life.
Joe:
Does that mean
maybe later
You'll plook me...
Sy Borg:
If you wish, we may
have a groovy orgy
Joe:
Just me and you?
Sy Borg:
I share this apartment
With a modified
Gay Bob doll
He goes all the way...
Ever try oral sex with
a miniature rubberized
homo-replica?
Joe:
No, ah, not yet,
Ah, is this him?
Sy Borg:
This is him.
Your wish is
his command
He likes you
He wants to kiss
you always
Just tell him what
you want
Joe:
Really?
Hi, little guy
Think I might get a
tiny, but exciting
Blow...job...
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job...
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob.
Sy Borg:
Bend over.
Joe:
Gay Bob
Blow job
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob
Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It looks just like a
TeleFunken U-47.
Joe:
Little leather cap
and trousers
They look so gay..
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Hey...
Sy Borg:
Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss
you always.
Joe:
Gee, this is great
How's about some
bondage and
humiliation
Sy Borg:
Anything you say,
master.
Joe:
Oh no, I don't believe
You're way more fun
than Mary...
Sy Borg:
You're plooking
too hard...
Joe:
And cleaner than
Lucille...
Sy Borg:
Plooking on me...
Joe:
What have I
been missing
All these years?
Sy Borg:
Too hard
Joe:
Sy...
Sy Borg:
Too hard
Joe:
Sy...
Sy Borg:
Plooking too hard
on me-e-e-e-e...
Joe:
Speak to me
Oh no...
The golden shower
must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have
plooked him...
To death...
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan- Sexual Roto-Plooker And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't got a chance.
Joe:
But I...
I, I, I, I, I...
I can't pay
I gave all my money
To some kinda groovy
religious guy...
Two songs ago...
Central Scrutinizer:
Come on out son...
Between the two of us
We'll find a way to
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Lowell George (guitar, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
The Mothers Of Invention!
Sweet Leilani!
In A
Just pretend it was thirty years ago
And this is the first song of the night
For the kind of a band
Ooooooh Aaaaaah
Ooooh
Aaaah
Howard: Poor baby!
FZ: Oooooh . . . Don't like the Greek food in this neighborhood, hey?
Oooooh . . .
FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat?
Mark: I ate . . .
FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat?
Howard: I had a Shish kebab
FZ: Tell me the truth, what did you eat? You didn't eat?
Mark: I was having chicken . . .
FZ: You didn't eat?
Howard: He didn't eat anything. He drank wine
Mark: With, uh, spinnach . . .
FZ: What did you eat?
Mark: And boiled potatoes . . .
Jim: I had a roller skate
Mark: Not just any grease but . . .
GREASE
The browness of her body
Makes me sweat inside my crotch
I want so much to kiss her
But I/she smells of rancid botch
Do do do do do do
Oooooooh wagh!
Mark: Grease, grease, I tell ya, all I had was grease, it cost me two dollars and thirty five cents, it was nothing but a plate of grease
Howard: And a wine tasted like . . .
Yes indeed, here we are!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen . . .
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Ooo-ooo-WAH . . .
Gilly: I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be?
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh, I don't know
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I like strings a whole lot
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: (sigh)
Girl #1: Huh? Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh it's so hard
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I can't think of anything else
Girl #1: Hmm
Gilly: The piano, a drum, strings
Motorhead: These strings are so tempting
Roy: Uh huh
Gilly: That's it exactly
UMRK
1979
engineer: Steve Nye
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice
Davey Moire voice?]
Bozzio: Once in a while . . .
Moire?: Oh, [she got deaf]
Bozzio: Da-dwe-dee-da-doo-dwe-da-dee-da-doo-da-ah!
George Duke (keyboards)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
James "Bird Legs" Youman (bass, guitar)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Thana Harris (vocals)
Bruce Fowler (brass)
Heh!
Got that tempo?
Hm hm
Heh!
Gettin' tired?
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen!
Chorus:
200 motels
Theodor Bikel:
200 motels.. Life on the road.
Theodor Bikel:
Ladies and gentlemen! and here he is..
Who?
Larry the dwarf.
Larry likes to dress up funny. Tonight he's dressed up like Frank Zappa.
Let's ask him What's the deal?
Theodore Bikel:
This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theater. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song.
It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie, it's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you, yeah . . . Understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world!
Lord, have mercy on the people in England
For the terrible food these people must eat
(Errrr . . . excuse me)
And may the Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie
And God bless the mind of the man in the street
Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen
Through the terrible functions they all must perform
God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos
And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm.
Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction
Phyllis Bryn-Julson:
A room and a meal
And a garbage disposal
A lawn and a hose'll
Be strictly genteel
Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book
The girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse
Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy
And the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course
Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction
A Swedish apparatus
With a hood and a bludgeon
With a microwave oven
'Honey, how do it feel?'
Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots
And the dykes and the weird little children they grow
Help the black man
Help the poor man
Help the milk man
Help the door man
Help the lonely, neglected old farts that I know
Theodore Bikel:
It's been swell havin' you with us tonight, folks!
Mark:
But, don't leave the theater yet, 'cause there's still more to come, but before we go on, I want to introduce to you my friend and musical associate, Howard Kaylan, who's going to give us all a final closing benediction
[Trumpet solo by Walt Fowler
Frauenthal Auditorium, Muskegon, Michigan
March 1, 1988
Auditorium Theatre, Chicago
March 3, 1988]
[includes a quote from Dragnet (Schumann/Rosza)]
In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends . . .
An' all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know . . .
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people,
It's right aroun' the corner!)
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases,
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases, mmm . . .
This has to be the disease for you
Now scientists call this disease
Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience
By the name of:
STINK FOOT
Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girl-friend cry
'You got STINK FOOT!
STINK FOOT, darlin'
Your STINK FOOT puts a hurt on my nose!
STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin',
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?'
Here Fido . . . Fido . . .
C'mere little puppy . . . bring the slippers
'Arf, arf, arf!' (crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump)
Heh heh heh . . . sick . . .
Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over
An' he looked me straight in the eye
An' you know what he said?
Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your Conceptual Continuity?
Well, I told him right then
(Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe(')
Well, you know
The man who was talkin' to the dog
Looked at the dog an' he said: (sort of staring in disbelief)
'You can't say that!'
He said:
'IT DOESN'T, 'n YOU CAN'T!
I WON'T, 'n IT DON'T!
IT HASN'T, IT ISN'T, IT EVEN AIN'T
'N IT SHOULDN'T . . .
IT COULDN'T!'
He told me NO NO NO!
I told him YES YES YES!
I said: 'I do it all the time . . .
Ain't this boogie a mess!'
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
His name is Stevie Vai
And he's a crazy guy
Last November, I recall,
He needed a spanking
He decided then
A female specimen
Would be excitin' for a night
To give him a spanking
Laurel was her name
She came to Notre Dame
He told me just the other day
He oughta be thanking
Her for the spanking
She was large and soft
And she beat him off
Made him drool upon his dork
And gave him a wanking
After the spanking
Hair brush!
Oh! What a hair brush!
(Its not that he requires grooming!
Guys with light blue hair never do!)
Then she did explain:
There's another game
That we can play with this device,
And then a banana!
It was slightly green
Vapors in between
Rising up to fill the room
And cook the banana
She said it was dry
Stevie won't you try
To drool a little drool on it
And grease the banana
Later in the dawn
Laurel carried on
She got right up and dressed herself and
Ate the banana
FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio drum intro (from Hands With A Hammer)]
Good God!
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy you were such a sweetie
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Once you were my one and only
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Blow your mind on too much Kool-aid
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Took my stash and left me lonely
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
What's got into ya?
Got to find my Suzy Creamcheese
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Think I'll go and start my car
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Really dig her, she's so freaky
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Heard The Heat knows where you are
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
What's got into ya?
Cruised the Strip and went to Canter's
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, please come home
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Vito said she split for Berkeley
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Protest-marching Styrofoam
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, baby, now
What's got into ya?
Suzy Creamcheese, Oh, mama, now
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice]
Bozzio: He'd been out here a long time, you know, I wonder if he's really . . . entertained by this
[Guitar solo from Inca Roads
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 18, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
[Guitar solo from Zoot Allures
Kosei Nenkin Kaikan, Osaka, Japan
February 3, 1976
FZ lead guitar
Andre Lewis keyboards
Roy Estrada bass
Terry Bozzio drums
Patrick O'Hearn voice
Davey Moire voice?]
Moire?: Ee-el-eel-el-el-ell . . .
O'Hearn: Oh, Ship Ahoy
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Don Preston (keyboards)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
A lot of people don't bother about their
friends in the vegetable kingdom. They
think: Oh, ah, what can I say? What can
a person like myself say to a vegetable?
But the answer is simple, my friends:
Just call, and tell them how you feel
about muffins...pumpkins...wax
paper...Caledonia, Mahoganies, elbows
...green things in general...and
soon, a new rapport...you and your
new little green and yellow buddies,
grooving together...Oh, no! Maintaining
your coolness together! Worshipping
together in the church of your
choice...(only in America...)
Call any vegetable Call it by name
Aw, you gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
WOW! That the vegetable will RESPOND to you
Oh, no! Can you see them responding? The
pumpkin is breathing hard...h-h-h-h
h-h-h-H-H-H-H-H-H-H - H - HHHHHHHHHHHH!
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Eh, yo, yeah, yo
Scum Bag
(Gonna put all my posessions in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna shut my damn pa-jamas in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my dirty movies in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my Yoko records in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my old high school in a)
Scum Bag
(Everybody, everybody, by the)
Scum Bag
(Oh, my pretty baby, do the)
Scum Bag
(Everybody)
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
(Oh, Yoko's in a)
Scum Bag
(Everybody, everybody)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag!
(All God's children gotta)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag!
Oh, Scum Bag
Ah, ooh, gotta Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Choo choo choo . . .
Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
FZ: Hey, listen! I don't know whether you can tell what the words are to this song, but there's only two of them, and I'd like to have you sing along 'cause it's real easy. Anybody who comes to the Fillmore East can sing the song. The name of the song is 'Scum Bag,' okay? And all you gotta do is sing 'Scum Bag.' Right on, brothers and sisters, let's hear it for the Scum Bag!
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Come on, come on, come on
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag, baby, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag to me, baby
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag to me, baby)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag to me baby)
Scum Bag
SCUM BAG
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Do the Scum Bag, hey
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag, hey)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Answer now
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag . . .
Ooh, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum-bag
Scum-bag
Scum-baaag
Scum-baaag
Scum-baaaaag
Scum-baaaag, scum-baaaag, scum-baaag . . .
FZ: Good night, boys and girls!
Please!
Say please!
FZ: We take turns conducting
John Lennon: Okay
....
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
We have now a special request
Bouilliabai, bouilliabai, bouilliabai...
Stroganoff, bouilliabai
Here we go...
No, you’d better leave the lights on, on stage
’cause we have to read this music,
We’ve never played it before
Aavan meren tuolla puolen jossakin on maa,
Missä onnen kaukorantaan laine liplattaa.
Missä kukat kauneimmat luo aina loistettaan,
Siellä huolet huomisen voi jäädä unholaan.
Oi jospa kerran sinne satumaahan käydä vois,
Niin sieltä koskaan lähtisi en linnun lailla pois.
Vaan siivetönnä en voi lentää vanki olen maan,
Vain aatoksin mi kauas entää sinne käydä saan.
Lennä laulu sinne missä siintää satumaa,
Sinne missä oma armain mua odottaa.
Lennä laulu sinne lailla linnun liitävän.
Kerro että aatoksissain on vain yksin hän.
Oi jospa kerran...
Translation of the first two finnish verses:
There’s a land beyond the vast sea
Where waves wash on the shores of happiness
Where beautiful flowers always blossom
Where worries of tomorrow can be forgotten
Oh if once I could go to that fairytale land
Never would I leave from there like a bird
But without wings I cannot fly, I’m a prisoner of ground
Only in thoughts that reach so far can I ever there be
Spider: Saliva can only take so much
Louis: Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed
Girl #1: Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh
Girl #2: We didn't have a chance, baby (Laugh). These holes are just the right size
Girl #1: They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed
Girl #2: Right . . .
Girl #1: Indeed
Girl #2: Yeah
Gilly: And here's a grave
Girl #1: Yeah
Girl #2: A grave?
Gilly: Yes, a grave
[Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA
1963]
[Art Laboe's Original Sound Studios, LA
1963]
[Roland Diry clarinet solo
L. Shankar violin
FZ guitar]
[Guitar solo from Inca Roads
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 19, 1979
engineer: Mick Glossop
FZ lead guitar
Warren Cuccurullo rhythm guitar
Denny Walley rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Peter Wolf keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Patrick O'Hearn voice]
O'Hearn: Heh heh heh heh heh. . . I was there last night . . .
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Adrian Belew (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Andre Lewis (background vocals)
Randy Thornton (background vocals)
Davey Moire (background vocals)
Yeah, I knew you'd be surprised!
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Hallo! Hello!
Hello!
Is this room service?
Hello?
Hallo?
Is this room service at the Hotel Leningrad?
Oh, Oh, Oh, Jawohl!
What would you like...?
Yeas, this is room service
Look here, buddy
Yeas, what would you like?
Oh, I'm so hungry!
You know, when you're a tourist and everything
And you travel around, you know
Going to all the neat little shops
Ten Marks, costs you ten Marks
I'm so hungry!
This call is going to cost you ten Marks
You got to understand that in the fo..., in the front
Look here
Everything costs ten Marks
Ivan, listen
Ivan, that's me
Jawohl
Look
You're going to sleep
You're going to sleep
I am so hungry
Can you bring me something to eat right away?
Bouillia... Bouilliabai?
No bouilliabai
Bouilliabai?
No boogie-a-bay
How's about boogie-the-bay?
No boogie-woogie-the-bay
How's about a fishie with the eye fallin' out?
Fish with...? Hey, that sounds delicious!
Send me some fish with the eyes falling out
How about a little sand over it?
That'll make it...
Sand on the fish, yes, a sand-fish
That be ten Marks
Do you have a sand-fish here?
Sand-fishie?
The eye's ten Marks
The fishie is forty
Hey!
Hey, listen!
Jawohl!
The people in your country certainly are charming
You know where I can get some pussy?
Ah...
Never mind, look
This is very, this is very respectable hotel, you understand
Just send me up...
You tell to bring pussy in here?
We spray you with lace!
Oh, well...
Right in the face!
Oh, well...
You don't bring no pussy in this hotel!
Ahhah, okay...
Who do you think we are anyway?
Well, I guess you told me...
Are you a Christian?
Am I... Yeah, I'm a Christian, sure!
Isn't everyone?
Ah, okay, you can bring...
Well you can bring some pussy in here if you're a Christian
That's a difference...
Sure, if I'm a Christian that means I get some pussy, right?
That's right, that's cool, if you're a Christian
Okay
You also get bouilliabai with it
Yeah, hey, great!
Look...
And the fish with the eye fallin' out
I want you to send me some pussy
One pussy
Some fish with the eyes falling out
One fish with the eye falling out
Some bouilliabai
Some bouilliabai
And a bible
And a what?
And a Giddeon bible
And a Giddeon bible?
Okay, we also bring you the Finnian bible
The Phoenician bible?
No, the Finnian bible, to go with the Giddeon bible
The Finnian bible
The Finnian and the Giddeon go together here
This is a terrible connection,
I can hardly hear you
But look, buddy,
Can you please get that stuff up to my room in a hurry?
I'm so hungry
We shall send it up by the Southern Pacific Railroad
Fast ah?
That is very fast
So fast you can never know
..........
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
Cape Cape Cape Kansas
You will also like to have a little visit
Hello, hello, hello
Room service?
Hallo?
Hey buddy!
You did not get your order?
No, listen, it's a...
You were not pleased with the pussy?
You don't like Americans very much here, do you?
Oh, you American! That'll be twenty Marks!
Yeah, twenty... right
Well, I don't care how much it costs, you know,
Just get it up to my room in a hurry because I'm so hungry
Well, you have to understand
If we didn't bring it up there too fast
It's probably because of the... the long summer that we had here,
You see
You had a long summer and that's why...?
We had a very long summer, about that fast
Heh heh
That's how long it was, like that
Now listen!
Wait a minute!
You get that food to my room right away
Room number?
Or I'm gonna call the American embassy
What?
You mean what am I going to call them?
Why?
I'm going to call them a barrel of motherfuckers
That's what I'm gonna call them
Well I know who's gonna bring it up to you right away
Mart, Mart, Mart Perellis
Mart, Mart, Mart Perellis
Mart, Mart, Mart Perellis
[Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland
Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA
November 10, 1984
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Bobby Martin keyboards
Alan Zavod keyboards
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]
Motorhead: He's in the wrong piano
Louis: No, you're in the wrong piano
Roy: No . . .
Motorhead: This is a Steinway
Louis: You are!
Roy: It's not a Baldwin . . .
Motorhead: Yeah
Roy: It's not even a Wurlitzer
FZ: Saliva can only take so much
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Adrian Belew (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (background vocals)
Andre Lewis (background vocals)
Randy Thornton (background vocals)
Davey Moire (background vocals)
(Instrumental)
FZ: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
Spider: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
John: I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . .
Spider: There's dry motors and wet motors, right?
John: Right
Spider: The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor
John: Good idea
Spider: Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure
Moon: . . . it's about letting go . . . we're all, we're all inside the piano . . . we're all . . . looking for a place . . . inside the piano . . . or a place to be alone . . .
Ali: Bu pianonun icinde bir meyhane olsa, bir kahve icin oturpda, azicik tavla oynasak nekadar guzel olur, degilmi abi?
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, snorks)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet, flugel horn)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Don Preston (piano, organ, electronic effects)
Don "Sugar Cane" Harris (electric violin)
Lowell George (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Hahahahahaahaahaaa...
Blow your harmonica son!
Ayyy! Yee-hah!
Here's one with your father's moustache, your old cookie jar, rubbers, sneakers, galoshes, belt
buckles, and book covers with the name of your high school neatly imprinted in crimson and gold on the front with a picture of the goal post and last year's queen.
?: Put that mike down, Frank, it's obscene
?: [...]
George: Give me my little cup of brown sauce, let me dip my meat in
?: Oh, man
Jeff: Hundred dollars for Pinto beans, playground psychotics
?: I slipped my burning phallus in her quivering quim!
?: You like to offend these passengers, Underwood? Keep quiet!
?: Underwood, the only thing that offends are your green socks! Green velour!
?: Hot wets
?: Could you, could you repeat that?
?: . . . of your mind
?: Now, just take your hand off my leg
?: Take your hand off my leg
?: Listen, what is this? Okay, grab my tit, I'll sit still, you pervert. Howard, you're so low
?: The Andy Devine school of voice, you are low, Dunbar
?: I just keep . . .
Aynsley: I always keep it low ya, 'cause I'm only after one thing
?: God, you are an incredible man
?: Who?
?: Haven't any of the chics you've gone out with seen through you yet?
Aynsley: No, man, they're still quite like me
[Guitar solo from Chunga's Revenge
Berkeley Community Theater
December 5, 1980
engineer: Tommy Fly
FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums]
O'Hearn: Oh-ho-ho-you don't think so, huh?
[Guitar solo from Black Napkins
Hammersmith Odeon, London
February 17, 1977
engineer: Alan P.
FZ lead guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Eddie Jobson keyboards
Patrick O'Hearn bass
Terry Bozzio drums]
Ian Underwood (electric piano)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
(Instrumental)
Jean-Luc Ponty - Violin, Keyboards
Paul Humphrey - Violin, Drums
Shuggie Otis - Bass, Guitar
Lowell George - Guitar
Captain Beefheart - Harmonica, Keyboards, Vocals
Max Bennett - Bass
Frank Zappa - Bass, Guitar, Percussion, Arranger, Composer, Keyboards,
Vocals, Producer, Octave Bass
John Guerin - Drums
Don Sugarcane Harris - Violin, Vocals
Jack Hunt - Engineer
Brian Ingoldsby - Engineer
Dick Kunc - Engineer, Director of Engineering
Cal Schenkel - Design, Cover Design
Ron Selico - Drums
Ian Underwood - Organ, Clarinet, Flute, Guitar, Piano, Saxophone
John Williams - Design
Max Bennet - Bass
Cliff Goldstein - Engineer
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Bolman
Oh, thank you Frank
And don't misspell it,
That's not Marc Bolan
that's Mark Volman
Hiya friends
I wanna welcome each and everyone of you
I wanna say to you tonight
I feel great
I mean, I feel great
everywhere I go people are always comin' up to me
and they say Mark, Mark, Mark
Mark are you kiddin'
Lemme tell you this friends:
I am not kiddin'
I mean, I am portly and I am maroon
well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am?
Aaaah
I can't guess what you are
Well, then I'll give you some clues
And the first clue is
I am portly
Does that help?
Not much
No, I don't know who you are
Okay, I got one
Clue number two:
I am double knit
Does that help?
No, not much
Whaddya mean?
Well, then I've to give you one more clue
I know this is gonna give it away
And I hate like damn to tell you this
But clue number three:
Ich bin Maroon!
Ahhhhhhhh you're a sofa!
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark Volman ...
Thank you, Frank
... trying to convince each and every member
of this extremely hip audience here tonight,
that he was nothing more, nothing less
than a fat maroon sofa,
Suspended in the midst of a great emptiness
a light shined down from heaven (* twinkling sounds *)
And there he was ladies and gentleman, the good lord
And he took, he took a look at the sofa,
And he said to himself
"Quite an attractive sofa"
"This sofa could be commercial"
With a few more Margaritas and the right company
However, I digress
"What this sofa needs" said the Big 'G'
"Is a bit of flooring underneath of it"
and so in order to make this construction project possible,
he summoned the assistance of the celestial corp of engineers,
and, by means of a cute little song in the German language
(which is the way he talks whenever it's heavy business)
the Good Lord went something like this:
(take it away Jim Pons!)
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
and of course ladies and gentlemen that means:
"give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa"
and sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness
as far as vision permits,
stretching all the way from Belfast to Bogner Regis
and the Lord put aside his huge cigar
and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa
the bulk of his message
with the assistance of a small electric clarinet
and it went something like this...
take it away Jim Pons!
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas Fussbodenbelag
unter diesen fetten fliessenden Sofa
And of course ladies and gentlemen, that means:
Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa
[Guitar solo from Let's Move To Cleveland
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, Portland, Oregon
December 20, 1984
FZ CUSTOM STRAT
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Bobby Martin keyboards
Alan Zavod keyboards
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]
Mark: It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could be in L.A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album
Howard: Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen, I've been without female companionship for so long, a career as a Jesuit monk was inviting, Ian is starting to look good to me
George: Must be his green velour socks!
Mark: Just calm down there, Duke. Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock'n'roll industry . . .
Jeff: What do you mean rock'n'roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock'n'roll, it's all that comedy crap!
Ian: If we play any rock'n'roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock'n'roll, uh, I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouln't enjoy playing rock'n'roll. I mean, it's not very challenging, intelectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some rock'n'roll. We could vote on it
Jeff: Vote on it, for what? To tell Zappa we wanna play some good music instead of this comedy shit . . . ?
Aynsley: I wouldn't mind playing some more rock'n'roll, it'd be more commercial, sort of heavy, four parts harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the kids could enjoy it. I think we'd definitely make more money that way
Ian: Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more rock'n'roll
Mark: Yeah! We all quit and form other groups and play more rock'n'roll
Jeff: And more blues, extended blues, blues that's still down and funky, even though you extended it. George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?
George: Leave me out of it, I come from the jazz world. I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear, with their extensions waving in the moonlight
Mark: You just calm down there, Duke
Jeff: Maybe we could all form a group, we can elect a leader . . . Howard . . . we can call it Howard Kaylan World.
Ian: We wouldn't have to have any leader
Jeff: We could just jam a lot
Aynsley: There was have to have a really heavy beat and be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it
Howard: I want to get laid! I'm so horny I can't stand it!
Jeff: Listen, if you think for a minute that anybody likes this comedy music we've been playing you're crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously
Mark: Hey, man, you should be careful talking about that kind of stuff
Jeff: Why, does he listen?
Ian: He always listens, he's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years and I know, he always listens, believe me
Jeff: That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured, then he rips us off, sneaks off in the secret room someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it perverted. Then he brings it back to us in rehearsal and makes us play it
Ian: I've been in the group for years and let me tell you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He steals all his material
Howard: And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
I signed on the line
For seven long years
They said I'd be a big star
They said I'd get a big car
All the coke I could tube
All the dope I could shoot
All the smoke I could smoke
But now I'm bein' off 'n broke
They said I oughta re-record
The tracks of my tears
They said: "Hey! This is it!
It's gonna be a big hit"
With my name up in lights
And some custom-made tights
All the girls call my name
(Massimo!)
But it was all just a game
Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Well, Nigger Biznis all the time
Well, Nigger Biznis has brought disaster
On top of this here heart of mine
(Well, now's the time to play the blues!)
Well, one day that contract will expire
One day I will be free
From that Nig-ger, Nig-gig-gig-ger, Nigger Biznis
All this Nigger Biznis
All this repressing me Nigger Biznis
Nigger Biznis
Oh, Nigger Biznis all the time, all along
Well, Nigger Biznis has brought destruction
Roy Estrada (dialog)
Don Preston (dialog)
Ian Underwood (dialog)
Bunk Gardner (dialog)
Motorhead Sherwood (dialog)
Jimmy Carl Black (dialog)
Arthur Tripp (dialog)
See my head, (no, no more, stop it)
MY HEAD?!!
Hahahaha
Let's see if you can put your knees all the way up to your armpits, Art.
Artie, Artie, Artie. Suck, suck . . .
Sit on his face girl.
Say, say hello baby.
Suckit.
Doonk.
Juice it, juice it..
Get it in.
Lemme see your cock. Oh, Jesus.
White skin, lemme . . .
Look at it man.
One, two, three.
One two three?
Is it succulent?
Ooh, you grabbed a tuft of hair there...
Oooh, I like it (do you?)
Hooh-hoh-ha, Brap!
Come up here, were havin a party.
Oh Artie, oh.
Jizz you, jizz you, Art!
Look out.
Gimme some nose.
Jizz you
Ayyyy
You're gonna tear the fuckin buttons..
Jizz you, jizz you
Owwww.
I didn't even believe it
You didn't believe it?
Oh, look at that.
Boy I didn't believe it.
I didnt even beleeve it.
Oh, that's good.
I didn't even beleeeeve it.
How bout that?
All that hair coming out of me, ...
Happy Birthday, Artie.
How many humps do we give him?
How many humps do we give him?
Twenty four?
Twenty four big ones.
Twenty four big ones.
Twenty four jizzers.
Get one- and one to count.
And one to grow on.
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
Beautiful!
God! It's God!
I see God!
[Michael Svoboda alphorn
Rumi Ogawa-Helferich slide whistle and voice
Rainer Romer percussion
Andreas Bottger percussion]
[...]
[Jurgen Ruck classical guitar]
I. Negative Light
II. Venice Submerged
III. The New World Order
IV. The Lifestyle You Deserve
V. Creationism
VI. He Is Risen
You know your mama and your daddy
Sayin I'm no good for you
They call me dirty from the alley
Til I don't know what to do
I get so tired of sneakin around
Just to get to your back door
I crawled past the garbage
And your mama jumps out screamin'
Dont come back no more!
I cant take it
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when it makes me mad
Later I tried to call you
Your mama told me you werent there
(You just weren't there)
She told me don't bother to call again
Unless I cut off all my hair
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawled past the garbage
And your mama jumped out screamin'
Dont come back no more!
I cant take it
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when it makes me mad
(repeat last three verses)
The next piece that we're going to play...
(audience laughter)
Maybe I should tell you what we were doing.
(more audience laughter)
The, the signals that we are giving I'll explain to you very simply. This means 'free improvisation' and finger symbols told the performers which of the fragments they were to uh, play at any given moment. Anyway, the next piece that we're going to play is in standard notation, and it's actually pretty tame compared to the other five. It's called The Collage Two, and it was written last Thursday.
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Whipping Post!
Say that again please
Whipping Post!
Whipping Post? Ok, just a second
(Do you know that?)
Oh sorry, we don't know that one
Anything else?
Hum me a few bars of it...please
Just show me how it goes, please
Just sing, sing me Whipping Post
and then maybe we'll play it with you
Ooh-ooh-ooh
Thank you very much
And now...
Judging from the way you sang it,
it must be a John Cage composition, right?
Here we go...Montana
One two, one two three four
I might be movin' to...
Hold it! Hold it!
We can't possibly start the song off like that!
Good god!!!
That's inexcusable!
What happened to you last night?
(George has a tape of it)
George has a tape of it?
Ok, we'll use that in the second show
Ready? Montana...
Wait a minute...Whipping Post
No...Montana
One two, one two three four
It's too fast for you!
One two, one two three four
I might be moving to Helsinki soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
Tying it to the Whipping Post
In the middle of town
But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post
Raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post
Raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post
Well I just might grow me some thongs
But I'd leave the hippy stuff
To somebody else...how 'bout Chester?
And then I would
Get a person
Tie him up
To the Whipping Post
And beat the living shit out of him
So that guy in the audience was satisfied
But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post-Floss
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (how unique!)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(yes, it's such a ballad at this tempo)
Little Booger-bear
Boogers everywhere
And now for the thrilling conclusion to that song...
I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else . . . but then, on the other hand Iwould
Keep the wax
N' melt it down
Pluck some Floss
N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon . . .
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big,
An' ride him all along the border line
With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my foot a push . . .
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over the Dennil Floss Bush
N' then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Dear PFIQ,
Since you printed my question and photo in issue number 29, PFIQ, I have received many letters.
I'm glad I'm retired so I have plenty of time to answer all.
I finally got rid of the smell
Of the deep scrotum piercings
(mumble)
By putting a 5/32-inches barbell and a 5/16-inches ring.
Now, air can get through.
(laughs)
(FZ: Can you stand like that?
Hermann: Maybe I should read the text one whole, because . . . again . . . oh . . .
FZ: Just . . . just say "now, air can get through")
Now, air can get through.
Don't ever quit putting out PFIQ, as it is most enjoy-able.
I have them all
And go over them many times.
You never heard anymore of Carl... Carol, issue n... number 14, I believe?
Keep up the great work. I don't know what to pierce next.
P.S. Do you use 1-percent xylocaine for deep cockhead piercings?
Piercing the head of the cock must be painful.
(OOHH!)
I had the head tattooed and it hurt like hell!
But I didn't want the artist to stop.
Master Ringo
Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!
Martin: I just went out to get some cigarettes for him one day and came back and walked into the dressing room and there's Frank and the rest of the Mothers and, uh, Ringo, the other people,
and I walked in the room and they all went, 'Yeah!' And, 'Yeah what?' You know, 'Would, would you like to try Jeff's part?' You know, so I just tried that, and it seemed to work okay
Interviewer: Mm-mmh . . .
Martin: So Frank said, 'Would, you can play, play bass, you can try play into the group as well'
FZ: So he took the script and he read it and it sounded good and then just quite by accident, we found out that he was a bass player and that he's good for the part, is, uh, quite professional on screen and as a bass player he's not astonishing but, uh, he can make the parts
Manx Needs Women
(Instrumental)
You-you-you-ooo
Look like a dor-r-r-k
You act like a dork
Most of the time, also
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
You are a double-dork butt rash
You are a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k!
Nobody wants to ...
You are boring . . . you have nothing to say
You eat cheese - you eat cheese and other things
You can can wrap up an' take with you
From the table
With Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You are a dork
You're a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k
A double-dork butt rash
There's one in every crew - do you know
who you are? We know, but we won't tell you
We don't want to hurt your feelings
But you're a dor-r-r-r-k!
Might as well admit it
When you're a dork
You're a dork, by the way
You're a dork
A double
A double dork butt rash
A double butt rash dork
Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You look like a dork
Look like a dork
You act like a dork most of the time
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
Double dork
Double dork
Double dork butt rash
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her, yeah
You know I love her
Lucille
She messed my mind up, yeah
But I still love her, yeah
You know I love her
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
I'm sayin':
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
You got me goin' out of my mind
Lucille
She tore my heart up
But I still need her
You know I need her, yeah
Lucille
Tore my heart up
But I still need, I need her
You know I need her
I'm sayin':
She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs around
And leaves me home
All alone
I'm tellin' you:
She doesn't answer
When I call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm cryin' alla the time
Lucille
Oh oui...my mind up
(My mind up)
I said I love her
(Love her)
I mean it
You know I love her
(I love)
Lucille
My mind up
(My mind up)
Oh, I love her
(Love her)
You know I love her
(I love)
Lucille
Lucille
Lucille
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
JOE is so disoriented by his disease, he goes in the other room and plays the title cut from an old Jeff Simmons album, and sings along with it.
Joe:
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still need her
You know I need her
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
You got me goin' outa my mind
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still love her
I really love her
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still need her
You know I need her
She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs around
And leaves me home
All alone
She doesn't answer
When I call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm crying alla the time
Lucille
Has messed my mind up (etc., etc., etc.)
Central Scrutinizer:
Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start
With her first hello she gave a meaning to this empty world of mine
There will never be another love, another time
She came into my life and made the living fine
She fills my heart
She fills my heart
With very special things
with angle songs
with wild imaginings
she fills my soul
with so much love that anywhere I go
I am never lonely
with her along
who can be lonely?
I reach for her hand
It is always there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answer now
but this much I can say
I know I will need her till the stars all burn away
Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Love of my life, I love you so
Love of my life, don't ever go
I love you only
Love, love of my life
Stars in the sky they never lie
Tell me you need me, don't say goodbye
I love you only
Love, love of my life
Stars in the sky, they never lie
Tell me you need me, don't say goodbye
I love you darling, I love you only
Don't ever leave me
Don't make me, don't make me
Don't make me lonely
Love of my life, I love you so
Love of my life, don't ever go
I love you only
Love, love of my life
(spoken)
Stars in the sky, they never lie
Tell me you need me, don't say goodbye
I love you darling, I love you only
Don't ever leave me
Don't make me, don't make me
Don't make me lonely
Love of my life, I love you so
Love of my life, don't ever go
I love you only
Love, love of my life
Captain Beefheart (vocals)
Bobby Zappa (rhythm guitar)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Well, I'm lost in a whirlpool
Yeah, baby, my head is goin' round
Well, ever since my baby flushed me
Oh, I been goin round, yeah around and around
Well, I'm lost in this whirlpool
I keep goin' down and down
There's a big brown fish
Lookin at me
He aint got no eyes
How could that motherfucker possibly see
Ooh, baby baby
I'm gonna be afraid it gonna touch me
Well I'm lost in this whirlpool
Oh, I can't even see
Baby, won't you come help me
Pour some drano down,
and get the plunger right after me
I'll let you know a little secret, baby
I'm gettin' tired of all this pee
Don't go strange, mother goose
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
Right now I have two hit-records on the charts
But that has not made me any money
It is so ... boy, and a lot of work
Which I do, I mean, I'm carryin' it out...
You're a lonely little girl
But your Mommy & your Daddy don't
care
You're a lonely little girl
The things they say
Just hurt your heart
It's too late now
For them to start
To understand
The way you feel
The world for them
Is too unreal
So you're lonely, lonely, lonely,
Lonely little girl
All your children are poor unfortunate victims
Of systems beyond their control...
Where did Annie go when she went to town?
Who are all those creeps that she brings around?
All your children are poor unfortunate victims
Of lies you believe...
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Female Soprano:
Broth reminds me of nuns.
Chorus:
( Nuns... Nuns...)
Female Soprano:
I see them smashing with rulers
disciplining munchkin cretins.
Tortured munchkins, tortured munchkins
I wish irish catholic victims.
Little green scratchy sweaters,
little green scratchy ones
and courderoy ponce.
Courderoy ponce
and green scratchy munchkin.
I wish irish catholic victims.
Munchkins get me hot.
Munchkins get me get me hot.
[Don 'Sugar Cane' Harris violin
FZ guitar
Ian Underwood Fender Rhodes
Unknown [probably Max Bennett] bass
John Guerin drums]
....
[...]
Library bar-code, PE label
Student must carry this card at all times,
And present upon demand for identification
This card are not while currently [enrolled pony]
You may be liable for any unauthorized use of this card prior to notifying the used card office
In writing, of possible unauthorized use due to loss or theft
I agree to comply with all library regulations
And to assume responsability for all use made of this card
(Oh-hoh)
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
Now believe me when I tell you that my song is really true
I want everyone to listen and believe
It's about some little people from a long time ago
And all the things the neighbors didn't know Early in the morning Daddy Dinky went to work
Selling lamps & chairs to San Ber'dino squares
And I still remember Mama with her apron & her pad
Feeding all the boys at Ed's Cafe!
Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day
(Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!)
And all the while on a shelf in the shed:
KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY!
Ronnie saves his numies on a window in his room
(A marvel to be seen: dysentery green)
While Kenny & his buddies had a game out in the back:
LET'S MAKE THE WATER TURN BLACK
We see them after school in a world of their own
(To some it might seem creepy what they do...)
The neighbors on the right sat & watched them every night
(I bet you'd do the same if they was you)
Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day
(Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!)
And all the while on a shelf in the shed:
KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY!
Ronnie's in the Army now & Kenny's taking pills
Oh! How they yearn to see a bomber burn!
Color flashing, thunder crashing, dynamite machine!
(Wait till the fire turns green...
wait till the fire turns green)
George Duke keyboard
Ruth Underwood percussion
Bruce Fowler trombone
Tom Fowler bass
Chester Thompson drums
Ralph Humphrey drums]
....
[includes a quote from Crazy Words - Crazy Tune (Yellen/Ager)]
Vo-do-de-oh-do . . .
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Aaaah...
Bidet!
Bloooow-job?
Bidet!
Jambon
Bloooow-job?
Bidet! Bidet! Bidet!...
Blow-job! Blow-job! Blow-job!...
Jambon...jambon... ... Thank you
Oh thank you, you're really too kind
Thank you, thank you so much
Thank you, thank you
Blow-job
Help out, ladies and gentlemen
Oui!
I bet: oui, oui
And now for the next part of our program,
I'd like to present, ah...Blow-job!
Blow-job! Bidet! Jambon!...
Jambon...jambon...
Bidet!...
I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I want a nun!
I want a nun!
I want a burrow in the broad daylight
I want a garden!
I want a nun!
I want a garden!
Just like the garden that that asshole came up here on the stage
And sang about, three years ago...
He came up out of the audience,
He said: "I want a garden!
I want a garden!
I wanna water it with my tears..."
Kenny Williams (vocals)
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Kenny:
Before, uh while I was away in boarding school lived with Ronnie by the name of Dwight Demith. Uh, used to live there with Ronnie an' they would uh, instead of blowing their nose on a handkerchief they would, uh, stick their finger up in their nose and uh, pull out all their boogers an' smear em' on the window. Uh, I don't know, I always thought it was crazy, an' it didn't look good, an' after a while, I mean you couldn't see out the window! He-hunh!
Did you ever do that?
Kenny:
This is a story, tell it quick as I can
A week ago, I met a stumbler man
He stumbled up, he said, "All I wanna know,
How far the hratche-plche Kaiser Rolls"
I begged his pardon, should have turned and ran,
So hard talking to a stumbler man
He stumbled over, and over again
"The Kaiser hratche Rolls since time began"
Raised my finger from the center of my hand,
Tried to wave farewell to the stumbler man
He slobbered 'n puked in a garbage can
"The Kaiser hratche Rollin' might raise some sand"
Pushed him aside as he was slowin' my plan
So hard to understand a real stumbler man
Some stuff from his nose, crawled over his clothes, he said,
"Nobody ever tells me which way he goes"
Kaiser rolls 'n rolls 'n rolls
Kaiser rolls, and Kaiser rolls
Surprise to me they ain't catched him yet,
HOW'S ABOUT A DOLLAR FOR SOME CIGARETTE?
This is a story, tell it quick as I can
A week ago, I met a stumbler man
He stumbled up, he said, "All I wanna know,
How far the hratche-plche Kaiser Rolls"
I begged his pardon, should have turned and ran,
So hard talking to a stumbler man
He stumbled over, and over again
"The Kaiser hratche Rolls since time began"
I raised my finger from the center of my hand,
Tried to wave farewell to the stumbler man
He slobbered 'n puked (PUGH!) in a garbage can
"The Kaiser hratche Rollin' might raise some sand"
Pushed him aside as he was slowin' my plan
So hard to understand a real stumbler man
Some stuff from his nose, crawled over his clothes, he said,
"Nobody ever tells me which way he goes"
Kaiser rolls 'n rolls 'n rolls
Kaiser rolls, and Kaiser rolls
Surprise to me they ain't catched him yet,
Oh yeah!
That's just fine!
Come on boys!
Just one more time!
I think I can explain about how the pigs music works.
Well, this should be interesting.
Remember that they make music with a very dense light.
And remember about the smoke standing still and how they,
they really get up tight,
when you try to move the smoke, right?
Right...
Yeah...
I think the music in that dense light
is probably what makes the smoke stand still.
Any sort of motion has its effect on, on the pony's manes.
You know, the thing on their neck.
Hmm...
As soon as the pony's manes starts to get good in the back,
any sort of, like motion, especially of smoke or gas,
begins to make the end split.
That's the basis of all their nationalism,
like if they can't salute the smoke every morning
when they get up.
Jeff: This is what I joined for. This I don't think is pretty good.
FZ: In other words, you don't wanna be in the movie
Jeff: Yeah
FZ: You're sure?
Jeff: Mm-mh
FZ: Is there anybody else that doesn't want to be in the movie? . . . Is there anything specific that you don't like about the script?
Jeff: No . . . in fact my part is the best part of the movie, I think . . .
FZ: You have the biggest part
Jeff: I didn't know how far this could go
FZ: And why do you think it went so far?
Jeff: It was probably boiled in ammonia
Mark: I'm curious to know why -like I asked you this morning-, why puts you out so much to do it, man? Unless you're just a little afraid that what you gotta say is too much what you'd say, anyway?
Jeff: It is what I'd say, it's exactly, it's there!
Mark: So you . . . why you're afraid to say to the people out there what you've been saying to us for months?
Jeff: I'm not afraid to say it to the people out there, I'm just afraid to be in this band anymore
Mark: Why?
FZ: The lines that are in this film are based on things I heard people say for years, all the way back to the very beginning, you know? I don't think anybody should have any objection to say any of those things, because you're playing yourself
Jeff: Should I trim the scene?
FZ: Sure
Jimmy Carl Black (dialog)
Kanzus J. Kanzus (dialog)
Dick Kunc (dialog)
Dick Barber (dialog)
Hands up!
He he he, wroaa wroaa wroaa
. . . why's he got them two microphones taped together, what if we taped their dicks together? What would they say?
I get a feeling o the blues
(youd have a helluva time gettin' your pants on, I'll tell ya that...)
Oh Lord, since my baby said goodbye (been gonnnnne)
Dee dee dee dee
Lord I don't know what to do
All I do is sit and cry, oh lord
Since them dead-gone days you said goodbye
well lord I thought I would be die...
The beer that made Milwaukee famous
But the Braves didn't hurt it any
She do me, she do you
Shes got the kind of lovin'
Lord I loved to hear when
She called me sweet daddy
instrumental
John: It's from Kansas
FZ: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you. I understand there is a sign in the audience that once again says:
'What's the secret word for tonight?' The secret word for tonight is . . . Now, let's get serious, ladies and gentlemen, I know you came here to see really FINE performances by a really FINE modern music ensemble, conducted by a really FINE conductor. And here comes the FINE conductor now, Peter Rundel, ladies and gentlemen! And if you feel like throwing underpants onto the stage, put 'em over there.
It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple a times, hmmmmmmmm
And I'm telling you
It can't happen here
Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here
Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Kansas...
Kansas Kansas tototototodo
Kansas Kansas tototototodo
Kansas Kansas
Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota...
Mimimimimimimi Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota
Who could imagine...
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in Washington, D.C.
D.C. D.C. D.C. D.C. D.C.
It can't happen here
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
It can't happen here
It can't happen here
Everybody's safe and it can't happen here
No freaks for us
It can't happen here
Everybody's clean and it can't happen here
No, no, it won't happen here
I'm telling you it can't
It won't happen here
(Bop bop didi bop didi bop bop bop)
Plastic folks, you know
It won't happen here
You're safe, mama
You're safe, baby
You just cook a TV dinner
And you make it
(Bop bop bop)
No no no no
Oh, we're gonna get a TV dinner and cook it up
Go get a TV dinner and cook it up
Cook it up
Oh, and it won't happen here
(No no no no no no no no no no no
Man you guys are really safe
Everything's cool).
Who could imagine
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in the suburbs
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool.
And they thought it couldn't happen here
(duh duh duh duh duh)
They knew it couldn't happen here
They were so sure it couldn't happen here
But...
Suzie...
Yes yes yes--I've always felt that
Yes I agree man, it really makes it...yeah...
It's a real THING, man
And it really makes it
(Makes it)
Suzie, you just got to town,
And we've been, we've been very interested
In your development,
Since you first took the shots.
Forget it!
Hmmmmmmmmm
(It can't happen here)
(Can't happen here)
Ray collins (vocals)
Jimmy carl black (drums)
Billy mundi (drums)
Roy estrada (bass)
Don preston (keyboards)
Bunk gardner (woodwinds)
Motorhead sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
(instrumental)
Howard: Ready, Madge?
FZ: You have to feel like . . . Art Laboe
Howard: Grow, little trees!
FZ: It's spring, the time of the year when all things grow and little buds are sprouting off of them . . .
FZ: If you're not a professional actor, the easiest thing for you to do, when you only have a week to make a movie is just to be yourself on the screen, so the lines that the people speak in the film,
with the exception of some of the real fantasy characters like the Vacuum Cleaner, or the, or what Theodore Bikel says, are all based on the actual speech patterns and the lifestyle of the people who are in the group
Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals, percussion)
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (electric bass)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Bunk Gardner (piccolo, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, soprano saxophone, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone, bassoon)
Ian Underwood (electric organ, piano, harpsichord, celeste, flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Arthur Tripp (drums, timpani, vibes, marimba, xylophone, wood blocks, bells, small chimes)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, tambourine)
Ruth Komanoff (marimba, vibes)
Ian:
My name is Ian Underwood
And I am straight member of the group
( Wowie Zowie)
One month ago I heard The Mothers of Invention at the theater
I heard them on two ocassions
And at the second ocassion
I went up to Jim Black
And I said I like your music,
I'd like to come down to play with you.
Two days later I came up to the recording session
And Frank Zappa was sitting at the control room
I walk up and said
How'd you do, my name is Ian Underwood and I like you music
And I like to play with your group.
Frank Zappa says
What can you do is fantastic
I say I can play alto saxphone and piano
And he said
I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
For somebody else...
but then, on the other hand
I'd Keep the wax N' melt it down
Pluck some Floss N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top
(that's why I'M movin' to Montana)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon...
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line
With a Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I might Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my foot a push...
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the Dennil Floss Bush
N' then I might just Jumb back on
An' ride Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
Howard: We gotta do two shows tonight?
Dick: Yeah, I hope you don't use up your vital . . . statistics
Howard: I'm doomed. Two shows, man . . .
Dick: Never two shows important, I mean
Howard: Couldn't have spared me another twenty minutes sleep, another three hours worth of sleep, coul have driven down?
Dick: I cut it to the bare minimum, Howard
Howard: Yeah, man, you're O.D.'ing on Preparation H at this very moment
Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Got no place to go
No love left for me to give
Why should I pretend I like
To roam from door to door
Maybe I'll just kill myself
I just don't care no more
I'm not satisfied
Everything I tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me
Who would care if I was gone?
Who need me to care for them?
Why should I just sit and watch
Wile the others smile?
I just wish that someone cared
If I was happy for a while
'Cause I'm not satisfied
Everything I tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me
I'm not satisfied
Everything I tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me
I'm not satisfied, I'm not satisfied
Gilly: I had a dream about that once
Girl #2: You did?
Gilly: Yeah
Girl #2: Then you must be me
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me
Spider: Wait a minute! I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . .
I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you
I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set
You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold
That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial
Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
Oh man, I don't know if I can go through this again!
Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Would ya b'lieve it
I-I don't even care
Ah-Ah! Listen!
I said I-I-I-I
(Come out this evenin')
Don't even care
(So let me tell you why this evenin')
Listen! Not enough I can say it
About the white, the blue and the red
So everybody just-a really goes scared
And I ow!
Didn't I tell you that
I-I-I-I don't even care
No, no, no, I don't
Listen! Standin' in the third line
Everybody learnin' to learn
Ain't nobody doin' fine
Let me tell you why
I-I-I-I don't even care
Don't give me no insanities
Don't give me no insanities
I know you know I don't mind
I-I-I-I don't even care
Oh I know I don't
Now listen...
Everybody's bein' big big hearted
Everybody's bein' big big hearted
An' I wonder where the rest got started
I never know they will no go started
I-I-I-I don't even care
Yes sir!
I-I-I-I don't even care
I-I-I-I don't even care
Help me!
I-I-I-I don't even care
Don't care no more!
I-I-I-I don't even care
Everybody's doin' line
in tellin' you lies
'n you want me to b'lieve it!
Everybody's tryin' to offer me somethin'
Ain't nothin' I need to need
I said
I-I-I-I don't even care
No no I don't
I-I-I-I don't even care
Now listen, now ain't that some spoon!
I-I-I-I don't even care
Could you tell me why?
What was hole?
What was hole?
I-I-I-I don't even care
What was hole is this lastin' hand
What was hole is lastin' hand
Let me tell you
I-I-I-I don't even care
Hey, you can't hold on to it
'cause it ain't gonna last!
Would you let it to me baby?
Just talkin' 'bout
I-I-I-I don't even care
You see: I don't care!
Listen! I said now
I-I-I-I don't even care
So listen, lemme tell ya
The cow used to jump over the moon!
An' I ain't jumpin' over the fence!
As I told,
It don't make no sense doin' it
I-I-I-I don't even care
That's the reason!
That's the reason!
That's the reason!
I-I-I-I don't even care
Say, look, they thought he was a man
and the movin' wanderer was a woman
I-I-I-I don't even care
Somethin' in the mornin'
You don't care in the evenin'
I don't care at night
Is that what you believe they're tryin' to say to me
over the fifth of south life?
I-I-I-I don't even care
No good!
Talkin' 'bout
I-I-I-I don't even care
No I don't! I don't care!
Sayin' that
I-I-I-I don't even care
I-I-I-I don't even care
Somebody been holdin' me this evenin'
I-I-I-I don't even care
Hold me tight
Hold me tight
Hold me tight this evenin' 'cause
Spider: The hotter the sound is, the more putrid it smells. I've discovered that to be true in almost every case that I've experienced
Mike: What are you talking about?
What do you do ... you join the Mothers and you end up working for Zappa.
And he makes you be a creep.
You could have played the blues with John Mayall or far out exciting jazz with Blood,Sweat & Tears.
You really think so.
Look, no-one will ever take you seriously after this.
How can they take you seriously.
Look in this business ... you either go to play the blues or sing with a high voice.
You right! I should never have joined the Mothers!
(You dirty fink!)
Hey Baby,
What's the word?
Hey Baby,
Have you heard?
What's the latest?
How's your bird?
How's your brother?
An' how's your mother?
How's Aunt Funny?
And how's your granny?
This is absurd.
How's your bird?
-(Excuse me...)
How's your bunion?
An' how's your grunion?
Now I'm stuck.
Lots o' luck.
This is absurd.
How's your bird?
How's your fern?
-(I don't love you...)
An' how's your ear lobe?
How's your nose?
-(You dirty fink!)
And your elbow?
An' how's your foot?
-(...natural fink! Find out...)
Don't forget your sister.
An' you know, like I said...
Spider: I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
Monica: Well, this should be interesting
Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light
John: Yeah
Monica: O.K.
Spider: And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
Monica: Right
John: Yeah?
Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split
Monica: Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
Spider: No, it isn't like that
John: Well, how does it work?
Spider: Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke
John: And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
Spider: See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
John: And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
Monica: You know we've got something here
John: And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . .
Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it
Ray Collins (lead vocals)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Ian Underwood (piano, alto saxophone)
Don Preston (piano)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
When I won your love, I was very glad
Every happiness in the world belonged to me
Then our love was lost and you went away
Now I shed my tears in lonely misery
I know now that you never ever really loved me
It hurts me now to think you never ever really cared
I sit and I ask myself a thousand times to try and find
What really happened to the love that we shared
How could I be such a fool
How could I believe all those lies you told me
How could I be taken in by your sweet face
You spoiled out love, your ruined my life
I'm so tore down, I'm a terrible disgrace
But there will come a time and you'll regret the way
You treated me as if I was a fool and didn't know
The many times you lied about your love for me
Someone else is going to know that your love is just a show
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
How could I be, be such a fool
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
He has work in the control zone
because home doziness loves the dirt knobs...
They think it is the way they can create
Wonder what everyone else is whispering about...
(in reverse, censored verse from "Other People"
Better Look around Before you say you don't care.
Shut your fucking mouth about the length of my hair.
How would you survive if you were alive?
Bozzio: God, that was really beautiful . . .
O'Hearn: Ha-uh . .
....
FZ: Good evening, ladies & gentlemen, welcome to The Mothers Of Invention Extravaganza for Sydney, Australia, 1976. And tonight featuring the dynamic Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals . . .
Napoleon: Wen-a-hena-hena-hean (Hel-l-l-lp me!)
FZ: The probably overheated later in the program André Lewis on keyboards, the extremely susceptible to increases in tempo tiny skinny foxy little cute little available tonight to each and everyone of the ladies in the audience, and maybe some of the other persons that might be interested in him, little skinny Terry "Ted" Bozzio on drums. And last, but not least, Roy Ralph Moleman Guacamole Guadalupe Hidalgo Estrada on bass.
Aynsley: Here comes the gear, lads!
Howard: Dunbar . . .
Jeff: 'Here comes the gear, lads'
Howard: I'm telling you man . . .
Jeff: Sounds like a Beatles cartoon
Howard: Key down
Aynsley: Just keep your mouth shut, you . . . Curly!
?: Look at those cars! The race cars
Mark: Sure sounds like the Beatles cartoon, 'Hey, John Lennon here . . . '
Jeff: 'Hey, Wankers, there goes the gear'
Pilot: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your passenger agent. I'd like to welcome you to aboard United's flight 664 to Spokane. We're departing in just a few more minutes. We'll just be a . . . couple minutes delayed due to loading some extra baggage.
Mark: Could that be ours?
Pilot: I'd like to remind you that the, the bags you've carried on, that they should be stored underneath the seat in front of you . . .
Mark: Howard?
Pilot: During the flight . . .
Howard: Uh, yes, Mark . . .
Mark: Would you like some film?
Howard: I would
Pilot: Hope you have a pleasant trip, and . . . thank you for flying United
Stewardess: Good night, all
Ha ha!
Now, the trip . . .
This is great!
FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass
Vinnie Colaiuta drums
Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice
Davey Moire voice?]
Bozzio: Talk him down, Vic . . .
Moire?: Mmm . . .
O'Hearn: Come on down, Johnny . . .
Moire?: Okay . . .
[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of '200 Motels'
January 18, 1971]
Mark: Howard, he's right! Ha ha ha!
Howard: I know he is, you might as well admit it too, Simmons
Jeff: Alright, it's pathetic, he's making me do this, I can't help myself, suicide is imminent
Mark: By the time we actually get to doing this, man, it'll just be two reels
[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of '200 Motels'
January 18, 1971]
Howard: It's him, he's watching us!
Mark: You think he heard us?
Ian: I've been in the band for years, and . . . you can bet that he hears everything
Jeff: Let's go over and pretend to be nice to him
Howard: Let's go over and pretend we don't know he's watching
Mark: And ripping off all our good material
Howard: Hi, man
Ian: Hi, Frank
Mark: Hi, man
Jeff: Hi, Frank
Aynsley: Hi, man
George: Hi, Frank
Mark: Well, that's a great new comic song you wrote, that one about the penis and everything, I was laughing a lot while I was learning it
Howard: Yeah, Frank, uh, it was a little hard to get into it first, but, uh, once we got the drift . . .
Jeff: That's a real great part you got in there for the chorus when they go ran-tan-toon ran-ta-tan, while I steal the room and everything, I don't mind he's ripping it off so long I get paid . . .
Mark: Me too, I won't even care 'bout the part where it goes 'what can I say about this elixir?' so long as me and Howard and Jeff get credit for special material, there's some bad ground acid . . . Aynsley, you can take it with a grain of salt, ha ha ha . . .
Aynsley: I don't mean to upset you, lads . . . I don't mean to upset you, lads, but the reason my retorts were so snappy is because he's making me do this, I should imagine he's making you do yours too, isn't he?
Howard: Get out of here, you creep, you used to live in his house!
Aynsley: See you later, lads
Monica: Have you ever heard their band?
Spider: I don't understand it though. Their band, I don't understand . . .
Monica: I . . . I don't think they understand it either
Spider: What? The smoke?
John & Monica: The band!
Spider: The band doesn't understand what?
Monica: Did you know that?
FZ: The smoke stands still
John: There's some kind of thing that's giving us all these revelations
Spider: Yeah, well that's the . . .
John: It's . . . It's . . . It's this funny voice . . . and he keeps telling us all these things and I . . . it . . . I just thought that before we just thought of these things . . . ya know, like just off the wall and out of our heads
Spider: No, that's religious superstition
Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)
I'm gonna tell you the way it is
And I'm not gonna be kind or easy
Your whole attitude stinks, I say
And the life you lead is completely empty
You paint your head
Your mind is dead
You don't even know what I just said
THAT'S YOU: AMERICAN
WOMANHOOD!
You're phony on top
Phony underneath
You lay in bed & grit your teeth
MADGE, I WANT YOUR BODY!
HARRY, GET BACK!
MADGE, IT'S NOT MERELY
PHYSICAL!
HARRY, YOU'RE A BEAST!
censored censored censored
censored censored censored
MADGE... I COULDN'T HELP IT
Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)
Say!
Imagine me and you,
I do,
I think about you day and night
It's only right,
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight,
So happy together
If I should call you up,
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me,
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world would be,
So very fine,
So happy together
(Just like a big rock-show)
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you for all my life
When you're with me, baby,
The skies will be blue for all my life
(Everybody sing along like a big rock-show, come on!)
Babababababababababababababa...
One more time!
Babababababababababababababa...
We'd like to thank you very much for comin' to our concert tonight
I know that ah...in a way it's sad that Bill Graham is closin'
down the Fillmore, but ah, I'm sure he'll get into somethin' better
It's been lovely, workin' for you this evenin'
Good night, good night, good night boys and girls!
(traditional, arranged by FZ)
[Apostolic Studios, NYC
December, 1967-February, 1968
FZ guitar, bass
Art Tripp marimba, vibes
Don Preston keyboards
Jimmy Carl Black drums]
Spider: GROSS MAN!
?: Smurf mee!
?: Smurf meee!
?: Metz
Jeff: Right Howard?
Howard: Right Jeff, we're going for the money, all the way
....
Howard: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, coming to you direct from high atop the Konrad Adenauer Inn. Just a short forty five minute rocket flight, from where Cape Canaveral meets the Alcan Highway, twenty minutes down Route 66, just a short hop skip and a jump from the corner of Sunset and Fifth avenue. High atop one Fifth avenue where we're listening to the rancid rhythms of Riles Mizzinnitz and his music to make you wanna throw up.
Yes, and coming up right after this, ladies and gentlemen, The Five Rancid Fingers of Ben Zedrine and his . . .
Mark: Strings . . .
Howard: Silly side and cut ups, yes, ladies and gentlemen, here we go into another . . . thing. No, not into another thing, ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad, because it's time to say that you're listening to the National Bum Rushing Company and we're all sitting around the table here stewed, ladies and gentlemen, and we're sitting here in Spokane, Washington
Mark: Right on
Howard: Would beyond the reef
Mark: Can Can
Howard: I hope this is it, because I can't go on crooning forever, come on in, boys!
Frank Zappa (guitar)
Lowell George (guitar)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz Gardner (trumpet)
Ian Underwood (clarinet)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Arthur Tripp (drums)
Dave Samuels (vibes)
(Instrumental)
