Bad PR

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Did you see the story about mankind’s fear of the impending rise of the robots? Chances are you did, with widespread coverage of the story including appearances in the Guardian, Times, Daily Mail and Daily Star:

Humans hope robots of the future will make love not war

A fifth of Britons have said they would have sex with an android but considerably more fear the rise of the machines will threaten mankind.

One in three, perhaps influenced by the likes of the Terminator franchise, believe that robots will spell the end of the human race.

Perhaps more pressing however is that almost as many are concerned they could lose their job to intelligent machines.

Source: The Times, 6 May 2014

Would YOU have sex with a robot? Prostitutes, police and cleaners revealed to be just some the jobs that droids could take over by 2025

In 10 years our streets could be governed by RoboCop-style police, our taxis may drive themselves and prostitutes might be replaced by so-called ‘sexbots.’

That’s according to a survey that looked at how robots will rise over the next decade.

It found that more than a third of people fear robots will take their jobs, while the same number fear androids will threaten the human race’s existence.

Source: Daily Mail, 6 April 2014

The Times and the Daily Mail, amply illustrating their differing priorities, there. However, whether we’re fighting or fucking our new robot brethren, the source of the story remains the same:

The survey was completed by 2,000 British people to mark the launch of new sci-fi TV police drama, Almost Human, which features an android cop.

Curiously, the list of jobs which could be taken over by robots didn’t include ‘journalist’ - when given the number of outlets who ran this simple copy/paste of a One Poll survey press release, it seems an industry ripe for automation.

What’s the strangest thing to ever have caused damage to your home? It’s unlikely your story can compete with those featured in the Daily Star, Daily Mail and Telegraph recently:

'A snail ate my carpet' See some of the strangest successful insurance claims of all time

IF a badger has bashed your shed or a snail has eaten your carpet, why not try and make an insurance claim - you won’t be the first to.

Or if a deer falls in your swimming pool, you can earn money from that too.

Source: Daily Star, 23 April 2014

'A badger ate my wall' among successful insurance claims.

A badger that ate through a wall to escape after being locked in a shed and a dog which jumped into a television screen to find a mate are among a list of successful insurance claims filed by homeowners.

One man received more than £400 when he made a claim for a new laptop after his new baby grandson vomited over his computer as he attempted to show him off on Skype.

And in another incident insurers paid for repairs after a quick thinking squirrel smashed a window to get out of a garage owned by an 86-year-old woman in Exeter, where it had become trapped.

Animals and children were the most common causes in the list of strange claims.

However, nature, and bad luck, also played a part.

Source: Telegraph, 23 April 2014

The message is clear: you never know where the next source of danger is coming from. But don’t just take my word for it - there’s an industry spokesman backing me up:

Peter Corfield, Managing Director at RIAS said: ‘While we go out of our way to ensure that our homes and gardens are safe and secure, sometimes it’s the most unlikely events that can end up causing real damage.

Who are RIAS, you might be wondering? 

The list of bizarre insurance claims was compiled by specialist insurance provider RIAS from the almost 400,000 successful cases in 2012-13.

RIAS are the people telling you to ensure your house (with them) lest a rampaging army of badgers, deer and snails descend upon you and your territory. It’s real, they’re coming, and RIAS are apparently your only hope.

Are you turning into your dad? The top ten signs you’ve embraced dad-ism revealed as survey says 38 is age men turn into their father.

It’s a startling moment in any man’s life.

You’re sat on the sofa keenly scrutinising the money pages of the newspaper, looking forward to giving the lawn a good mowing and finding yourself unusually excited about an upcoming sale at B&Q, when it hits you (if you can keep your eyes open long enough): you’ve turned into your dad.

It’s enough to make you slip on your sensibly priced comfortable shoes and retreat to your man cave with a pint of bitter.

Source: Independent, 17 April 2014

It seems all men are destined to become their fathers - it’s a message carried not only in the Independent, but also in the Daily Mail, Daily Express and Daily Star. With so many convergent sources, it must be true… or, just maybe, it might be PR for a TV channel running a ‘Dad Dancing’ competition:

Steve North, General Manager of UKTV channel Gold said: ‘The future looks bright for men, more sleep, having your very own chair, letting loose on the dance floor and finding ourselves funny - it seems 38 is the age men officially lose their inhibitions

Source: Daily Mail, 17 April 2014

And why the focus on getting old and turning into your father? The Daily Mail carries the crucial quote from North:

'The best way to ward off the top dad-ism sign of falling asleep in the front room is by tuning into Gold’s Easter schedule featuring Only Fools and Horses, the Royle Family and the Vicar of Dibley.'

Embrace it, fellas - turn into your dad, and you can enjoy the same tired old sitcoms he was watching 20 years ago!

What’s that Mary, traditional names are dying out?

Cecil, Rowland and Willie have fallen so far out of favour that no one wants to use them for their child.

They are the names nobody wants.

Although Cecil, Rowland and Willie were once among the most popular names in Britain, they have fallen so far out of favour they have now became “extinct”.

Latest birth records show that not a single person was given any of the three names while girls’ names Bertha, Blodwen or Fanny are also extinct.

Source: Telegraph, 4 April 2014

Or, to put it in slightly more immature terms, here’s the Daily Star’s take on the tale:

Fanny and Willy (stop sniggering!) on the ‘extinct’ baby names list

FANNY and Willy are now deemed “extinct” as no one chose these baby names in recent years.

Old-fashioned boys’ names such as Cecil and Rowland, and girls’ names such as Blodwen and Gertrude have also fallen out of favour.

Research carried out by Ancestry.co.uk showed that no babies born in 2012 were registered with these names.

Source: Daily Star, 4 April 2014

OK, now, settle down at the back, there’s nothing remotely amusing about the impending extinction of your garden-variety Willy or Fanny - just ask the website who paid to have this research created:

Miriam Silverman, from Ancestry.co.uk, said: “Of course, no first name can truly become extinct, as it can easily be resurrected, but it’s fascinating to look at the list from 1905 and see which have thrived and which have faded into obscurity.

“We also know that people appreciate a rare or unusual name in their family tree and as more people join the family history revolution we believe that such endangered names will be protected by concerned descendants.”

Oh, good - it turns out the names aren’t actually going extinct, it’s just PR for an ancestry-researching site looking to get more people to join their ‘family history revolution’. Phew. Worried Willies: stand down.

How to get a date: the words that attract the opposite sex online

Single women looking for love online should describe themselves as sweet, ambitious or thoughtful while men should emphaisis their passion, optimism and phsyical fitness, according to a new study.

Research on more than 12,000 profiles on a dating website has revealed the best words to use when trying to attract the opposite sex.

The data showed that women describing themselves as sweet, ambitious or thoughtful were more likely to see men initiate conversations with them.

Source: Telegraph, 16 May 2014

Sweet female WLTM ambitious male: Scientists reveal the most alluring words to entice a hot date online

Some people claim that French is romantic, but scientists claim to have identified the real language of love for online dating profiles.

The words that daters use to describe themselves in their online dating profiles can have a huge impact on attracting attention from the opposite sex, they said.

Source: Daily Mail, 16 May 2014

There we have it - the answer to your dating woes: simply describe yourself using a generic set of desirable words which may or may not have anything to do with your actual personality. Science!

With all this scientific analysis knocking around the dating arena, it’s a surprise that anyone’s still single. Who can we thank for this remarkable breakthrough? Which prestigious institute of human studies made the astounding discovery? You may not be surprised to learn it was those altruistic and cupid-like boffins over at eHarmony… the dating site:

Source: eHarmony.co.uk, 16 May 2014

Cynics might argue that eHarmony released this particular piece of PR research not for the good of mankind, but instead to push the sciencey credentials of their own dating algorithms, and to remind potential punters that they exist. But not me - I’m positive they did it because they’re hopeless romantics.

Quit Facebook and get a dog if you want to save your relationship! Best ways to save a failing love affair REVEALED

Quitting Facebook, ditching ‘unsuitable’ friends and buying a dog have been hailed as the best ways to save an ailing relationship.

A poll of 2,000 Britons found it often takes much more than a hug and a kiss to patch up a partnership after a nasty bust-up or rocky patch.

The study discovered ditching social media, where the constant gaze of friends and family adds pressure, was among the most important steps.

Source: Daily Mail, 9 April 2014

Saving a marriage can be hard - it takes patience, effort, communication and luck. Fortunately, there are groups on hand to help you, who have nothing but your best interests at heart… groups like Family Law firm Irwin Mitchell Solicitors:

Martin Loxley, National Head of Family Law at Irwin Mitchell Solicitors, said: ‘Most relationships will go through a rocky period at some stage, and it seems the way you deal with things during that time can be the difference between patching things up or splitting permanently.

'The secret seems to be spending more time together rather than separating your lives even further than they already are.

You might think it oddly altruistic of a law firm to offer advice on how best to stay happily married… and you’d be right, because Loxley also has a few things to say about where to turn if your marriage doesn’t work out:

He added: ‘Couples should think long and hard before giving up on a marriage. It can have long term financial and emotional consequences for both themselves and any children involved. 

'There are organisations which can assist couples in saving a relationship but if it has irretrievably broken down, communication is still key to ensuring that the divorce or separation is as smooth as possible.

'Relationship breakdowns don't have to be acrimonious but if they are, it's likely the couple will face a costly legal battle.

So, if you’re looking to avoid an acrimonious and costly divorce, perhaps you’ll know who to get in touch with when the time comes.

Like mother, like daughter: Women are more likely to cheat on their husbands if their mothers were unfaithful too

They say ‘like mother, like daughter’, and now new research reveals an unexpected twist to the adage.

A poll of 2,000 Brits found that women who cheat are often following in their own mother’s illicit footsteps.

According to the research, seven out of ten women who cheat on their husbands have mothers who were unfaithful too.

Source: Daily Mail, 6 May 2014

The Daily Mail, here, advancing the hereditary hypothesis of infidelity. However, the source of the statistics ought to offer a pinch of doubt:

The results were revealed in a new poll of 2,000 people who have had affairs by Illicit Encounters, Britain’s biggest extra-marital dating site.

Not only is this story nothing more than a simple advert an online hook-up site, but it features an interesting take on statistics, too: even assuming the results are accurate (and that’s not an assumption we ought to make lightly), what we’ve found isn’t a truism about the general public, as the survey sample included only people who had signed up for a cheating website.

If you only survey people who have elected to join a site like ‘Illicit Encounters’, you haven’t gathered the opinions of those who have offline affairs… or those who have no affairs at all. Thus it’s perfectly possible (and, indeed, likely) that children of cheating parents (male or female) don’t go on to sign up for a help-me-cheat website, and therefore don’t appear in the statistics of this particular PR piece.

Of course, why let the facts get in the way of a good publicity opportunity?

Women are FOUR times more likely to seek out affairs after a lackluster Mother’s Day, according to cheating website

Mother’s Day this year was a success for some, a letdown for others, and for many women across the U.S., such a disaster that it sent them into the arena of affairs.

AshleyMadison.com, the world’s biggest cheating website, has revealed that 17,000 moms signed up to their site on Monday in hopes of hunting down extramarital liaisons.

That is over four times the number of a usual run-of-the-mill Monday, reports AshleyMadison - which boasts 26 million members worldwide and whose slogan is: ‘Life is short. Have an affair.’

Source: Daily Mail, 16 May 2014

As ever in Bad PR, separating the message of the data from its source is impossible - instead of real sociological research, this is nothing more than an online hook-up site touting for business in a national newspaper.

Ready meals, moisturiser and no fishing: Survival ace Bear Grylls tests ‘soft’ Brit fellas

BRIT men are losing their manhood skills and becoming too ‘soft’, a survey reveals.

Even though the days of hunting and gathering are over, it seems that most men lack even the basic of survival skills.

A whopping 62% of fellas said they would not be able to start a fire without the help of a lighter.

Source: Daily Star, 5 May 2014

A news story straight out of the ‘how to be casually and unhelpfully sexist’ PR textbook here, with the British male’s ‘manliness’ in question. And, by question, I mean of course held up against a ludicrous and worthless criteria in order to find men lacking. 

What ought men today be able to do, to allow them to keep their ‘man card’ and prevent them having to ‘grow a pair’ and ‘man up’? Besides being able to light a fire without the aid of a lighter, there’s a raft of other necessities: 

And commiserations if you’re stuck on a desert island with a man who can’t (or won’t) help chop, hunt and fish.

The assumption here, of course, being that no woman has any of those skills - that goes without saying. No, women correctly do not know how to hunt or fish, but men incorrectly lack these required man skills. 

Whereas tools such as fishing rods and knives would be the first things to be chucked into a knapsack, 29% of men would rather rely on ready meals.

The word ‘rather’ being likely crucial in that sentence - personally, given the choice (as it appears men were, in an online poll) between hunting, gutting, skinning and cooking an animal, or eating a ready meal… I’m pretty sure I’d side with the ready meal. 

Lazy lifestyles and office jobs requiring sitting at a desk for up to nine hours a day are being blamed on men’s dwindling ability to deal with practical tasks.

That’s right - men are just too lazy and office-bound to be out killing small animals and casually lighting fires. If they weren’t so bloody lazy, today’s men would all be meeting the fire-and-death quota specified on the back of their ‘man cards’. 

Of course, this spurious and sexist poll is nothing more than an advert for an aggressively manly TV show:

Survival guru Bear Grylls, host of new TV show The Island, said: “What happens when you strip man of all the luxury and conveniences of modern living and then force them to fight for their very existence?”

I’d imagine what happens is a TV show watched by essentially nobody, Bear.