In the year of our Lord
Call it 1994
A fine vintage of mimicry
There are those that take their sound
From someone else's Toil
Liking to parrots you see
I've seen the likes of Kate Bush
And Van Morrison
Teaching the parrots to sing
Take a Zepplin riff
And you alter it a bit
And make lots of money
It's called plagiarism
You want some of that cheese
Just take a big ol' bite
Careful not to choke on it please
Now here we go
Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
and she shows it off to all her friends.
One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
So she caged him up with cyclone fence.
Along came Lou with the old baboon
And said "Recognize that smell?"
"Smells like seven layers,
That beaver eats Taco Bell."
Now Rex he was a Texan out of New Orleans
And he travelled with the carnival shows.
He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
And he candied up his nose.
He got wind of the big brown beaver
So he though he'd take himself a peek,
But the beaver was quick
And grabbed him by the kiwis.
Now he ain't pissed for a week.
(And a half!)
Now Wynona took her big brown beaver,
And she stuck him up in the air.
Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair."
Now the beaver onces slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright.
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the bastard tried to bite me.
Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time.
She pricked her finger one day and it
Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spilled so that
We may maintain our oil fields.
Too many puppies
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy
Mistresses sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.
too many pupp pupp pupp pupp pupp pupp puppies
Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and
Placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
Too many puppies are being shot in the dark.
Too many puppies are trained not to bark.
At the sight of blood that must be spille dso that
We may maintain our oil fields.
Too many puppies
Too many puppies are taught to heal.
Too many puppies are trained to kill.
On the command of men wearing money belts that buy
mistresses sleek animal pelts.
Too many puppies.
Too many puppies with guns in their hands.
Too many puppies in foreign lands.
Are dressed up sharp in suits of green and
Placed upon the war machine.
Too many puppies are just like me.
Too many puppies are afraid to see.
The visions of the past brought to life again,
What if Christmas didn't come this year
and no one paid for Christmas cheer?
Who would cry the biggest tear,
the child or the store?
Why do brides wear virgin white?
Most do not deserve that right.
But to choose a color of their delight
would surely bring on the frowns.
To defy the laws of tradition
is a crusade only of the brave.
Suppose the taxman, he comes to town,
and you don't lay your money down.
Yet Mr. Jones he killed Mr. Brown the other day.
I've seen them out at Soco
They're pounding sixteen penny nails
The truckers on the interstate
Have been known to ride the rails
The sweat is beating on the brow
Can't keep these fellas down
'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers
Are runnin' this here town
I knew a man who hung drywall
He hung it mighty quick
A trip or two to the blue room
Would help him do the trick
His foreman would pat him on the back
Whenever he would come around
'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers
Are beloved in this here town
Now the union boys are there
To protect us from all the corporate type
While curious George's drug patrol
Is out here hunting snipe
Now they try to tell me different
But you know I ain't no clown
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Are the backbone of this town
Now the flame that burns twice as bright
Burns only half as long
My eyes are growing weary
As I finalize this song
So sit back and have a cup o' joe
And watch the wheels go round
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Messenger of Fear in sight
Dark deception kills the light
Hybrid children watch the sea
Pray for Father, roaming free
fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
great Old One
forbidden site
He searches
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
Crawling Chaos, underground
cult has summoned, twisted sound
Out from ruins once possessed
fallen city, living death
fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
Not dead which eternal lie
stranger eons Death may die
drain you of your sanity
face The Thing That Should Not Be
fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
Fellow colleagues, distinguished members of the press, ladies and gentlemen
I would like to take this opportunity to personally and humbly thank each and every one of you
For joining us at this particular event
It is my hope that we can utilize this meeting of the minds
To successfully convey the essence of our platform to you, a grand and noble audience
As I look out among the faces, I reflect
Finding console in the words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said,
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself"
Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing next to you
May not be who they appear to be, so take precaution
A mind is a terrible thing to waste, this is true
Many a young person has fallen prey to the substances that alter the perspective
Of any right thinking individual
The problem with the youth today is, because of their inexperience with the world,
They cannot attempt to grasp the ideals set forth by myself and those who preceded me
But, as history has show, they will come around and embrace our philosophies
Through the door it slithers in,
Accompanied by its peers.
Always groveling for attention,
While no one really gives.
In its mind it's full of wit
And quite the social king.
It plants itself among the rest,
Who give it deadly state.
It's just a matter of opinion
Further now theres a man of taste.
Of talent and precision.
To work and strive his years are fogged
Has been his life's compensation.
The stage is set. The perfect show
Is put before the mass.
Only to be ridiculed
by some slimy, pompous snake.
There was this kid in our neighborhood
His Pop had named him Renegade
He lived up to his name
With all the trouble that he made
One day ol' Renegade
Snuck into the Park Theater downtown
For a laugh he set fire to the screen
Burnt the whole damn place to the ground
He thought that no one would mind
He did that sort of thing all the time
But his Pop was waitin' for him
At age fifteen Renegade
Stole a tow truck from Arnie's Shell
Drove it through the front of a hardware store
Spent the night in a county jail
He didn't seem to mind a bit
The Earth it did crack open
on the day that I was born
and a thousand merry pranksters
came dancin' through the storm.
I lay cradle bound
a howlin' out my mind
not knowin' years to come
I'd be shoutin' over din
I sucked information through the holes in my skull
as my belly gurgles hungry my mouth is always full.
I am Antipop; I'll run against the grain till the day I drop.
I am the Antipop; the man you cannot stop.
As a young man,
I plug into the tube,
but the stench of all that pretense
I cannot muddle through.
I lay on my back
and scan the radio
all that comes out my speakers
is a steady syrup flow.
I suck information through the holes in my skull
as my belly gurgles hungry my mouth is always full.
I stood by watching
and I seen 'em come and go.
I seen 'em make that million
then vanish in the snow.
They come upon you
like a pack of rabid hounds
as they slobber in your ears
and purge you with their sounds.
Pushing misinformation through the holes in my skull
my belly gurgles nauseous and still my mouth is full.
I am Antipop; I'll run against the grain till the day I drop.
Why do we do this C.G. and I?
Every night vegetables,
Minds numbed up by THC.
I've got my pen, C.G. the remote.
Laurel and Hardy's the best bet at four A.M. On a Friday
No dreads about the working day after though.
Funny thing about weekends When you're unemployed.
They don't quite mean so much,
except you get to hang out with all youur working friends.
Well we got us a spegetti western on 36.
I like spegetti westerns
I like the way the boots are all reverbed out
walking across the hardwood floors.
In fact, everything's got
that big reverb sound.
Well what'll I do now?
Go to sleep.
Pull the pud.
We need new pornos.
Why do we do this C.G. and I?
Every night vegetables,
Minds numbed up by THC.
I've got my pen, C.G. the remote.
Laurel and Hardy's the best bet at four A.M. On a Friday
No dreads about the working day after though.
Funny thing about weekends When you're unemployed.
They don't quite mean so much,
except you get to hang out with all youur working friends.
Well we got us a spegetti western on 36.
I like spegetti westerns
I like the way the boots are all reverbed out
walking across the hardwood floors.
In fact, everything's got
that big reverb sound.
Well what'll I do now?
Go to sleep.
Pull the pud.
We need new pornos.
Ahhhh
Quite a suprise
What an ingenious device
Boredom encompasses my time
I don't know what I should do
Southbound Pachyderm
Indulging a moment of your time
Seldom the breeder of lies
But you won't believe that it's true
Ahhhh
They take to the skies
Southbound Pachyderm
Pinholes through cardboard at the sun
Passing the bucks by one by one
Leaving nothing in return....
Watching the majesty blow past
Shpeculating who should be the last
Savoring my piece of pie
And there is no reprise
Ahhh,they're filling the skies
C'mon kiddies gather round. Who's your foremost friend in town?
From main to maple the name resounds, Professor Nutbutter.
He's the one, the humble one, the Barkley County prodigal son.
Here to serve only you, Professor Nutbutter.
At old Nutbutter's house of treats from jellied jams to sacks of sweets,
There's creamy and nutatious spreads for all.
Chemist, master of entomology the professor for a modest fee
Will cure what ails you, garunteed Professor Nutbutter.
It's alright, don't fear the worm.
C'mon kiddies don't be shy be youthful til the day you die.
The man the myth, the magic of Professor Nutbutter.
He's the one the only one the Meeklybville prodigal son.
Here to help us with ourselves, Professor Nutbutter
They headed southward from San Francisco,
To be with Chuckles and the others.
With electric in the air and peroxide in their hair,
They looked like golden brothers.
They drove a Datsun, an automatic,
The radio blaring static,
He made a face into the light and burst out laughing at the sight.
The hysteria ensuing would dominate the night.
From all the candy, the seats were sticky,
As they were drawn into the grapevine.
Then "Introduce Yourself" came on as they barreled through the gog.
The demon puffing madly on a mentholated log.
They were tired, they were sleepy,
So they parked behind the Roxy.
Adam left to use the phone, so he sat there all alone,
When Adam's voice come beaming through on the radio,
My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen
I dress in blue-yes navy blue
From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes
I make 'em shine, well most the time
'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine
Six foort two and rude as hell
I got to get him in the ground before he starts to smell
My name is Mud
My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie
That's long for Mud so I've been told
Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold
I've got my pride, I drink my wine
I'd drink the finest except I haven't earned a dime in several months
Or were it years
The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears
We had our words, a common spat
So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
Mrs. Blaileen - she was a sixth grade teacher
And she controlled the children
By using humiliation.
The target always seemed to be Donny.
He was a bit slower than the others.
When he was quite young
His mother died at the kitchen table
While choking on some food.
The fashion of the day
Was bleach and tied Levi's.
Donny decided to make some,
But he didn't know to rinse them.
So he came to school a reekin'.
Bleach stenched filled the classroom.
Mrs. Blaileen began to chastise.
She made him feel like an asshole
two feet small.
Oh what a lonely boy.
Don and Ronald
They always stuck together
For they were a bit different than the others
And they were as tight as brothers
Then Ronald moved away.
Now Steven
He was year or two younger
And he really thought he was something.
He liked to harass other children
Or anyone he found outnumbered.
Alone Don walks from fishing.
Steven and his friend they stop him.
They took his hat and they taunt him,
Pimp-slap him with a newspaper.
Don lunged forward with his fish knife
Then ran all the way home weeping.
He gave his knife to his father and
Said "I think I hurt Steve."
She feeds her face with cheddar balls
As my brain cells start to pop
She licks her fingers stares away
Her IQ slowly drops
I pry my eyes as best I can
From that big electric stain
She feeds her face with cheddar balls
And stuffs more nonsense in her brain
Just when I thought I'd seen it all
They pull a cretin from the shelves
And flash that filth under their nails
To make us feel better about ourselves
As they ooze across the screen
Like a pustule gutted troll
We fill their coffers full of gold
And praise the skill of asshole
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
Than just
Moron TV
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
Than just
Moron TV
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
Than just
Moron TV
That one's famous for a sex tape
That one's famous from her dad
That one had more babies
Than anyone's ever had
That one married a rock star
That made all the little girls squeal
And that one wants to be President
'Cause she's got moron appeal
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
Than just
Moron TV
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
There's gotta be
More on TV
Than just
Sometimes bored and sometimes lonely
Pimple faced and rather homely
He wasn't much for socializin'
The TV kept a mesmerizin'
In one ear and out the other
Picked up a trick from his older brother
Got him a can of sniffin' sauce
Pinned his mind up on a cross
Lacquer head knows but one desire
Lacquer head sets his skull on fire
Lacquer head knows no in betweens
Huffin' on bags of gasoline
Sniffin' paint since the seventh grade
She was high on gin and gatorade
On turpentine she lost her luck
Fell in front of a speeding pick-up truck
He was a boy of soft demeanor
And he loved his carburetor cleaner
The vapor made a sweet aroma
He sniffed himself into a coma
Lacquer head feeds his one desire
Lacquer head sets his brain on fire
Lacquer head knows no in betweens
Huffin' on bags of gasoline
Jilly's on smack, and she won't be comin' back
No she won't be comin' back, for the holidays
Jilly's on smack, and she won't be comin' back
No she won't be comin' back, for the holidays
Jilly left home
Went to pick her own bone
She made her own
In the marketplace
Now Jilly's on smack, and she won't be comin' back
No she won't be comin' back
For these holidays
Now Jilly's on smack, and she won't be comin' back
No she won't be comin' back
For the holidays
Jilly had a smile
That spanned over a mile
She left him standing in the aisles
Of the big parade
Jilly always phoned her mother
Emailed daily to her brother
Til she took a junkie lover
And began to fade
Now Jilly's on smack, and she won't be comin' back
No she won't be comin' back
For the holidays
Jilly's on smack and she won't be comin' back
No she won't be comin' back
For the holidays
Jilly's on smack and she won't be comin' back
No she won't be comin' back
A B C D E F G H I gotta gal wears her toenails long
Drives a red Barracude, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo
A B C D E F G H I gotta 'friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz
Then a '55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends
And the plates say Kalamazoo
He had a steady job and watched what he spent
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo
She turned to the world with a bastard child
Said, "I just can't handle him he's too damn wild'
But the years and the liquor have made him mild
When I woke up this mornin' I felt a pang.
I was hungerin' for some apple pie.
Stumble in the bathroom, hung my hog a little bit.
Washed the sleep out of my eye.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be a fine day.
Scratched myself a bit.
Poured me out a bowl-a corn chex.
Closest thing I could find to apple pie.
Lingerin' taste of toothpaste
Made the milk go down a bit funny.
But you know, them chex they do satisfy.
Oh yeah, this'll be a fine day.
So, after my mornin' rise-n-shine and eat-n-clean.
Had my mind set to hit them streets.
Drizzle from the night left cold puddles out.
Had my black stomp-boots on my feet.
It's my day.
Since I was in kneepants my pop had tried to make me realize.
If I set my mind down to it I could be a big man in the public eye.
So with my big blue collar on, I set out to find the easy way.
What an ice cold bath it was when I found you had to pay to play.
To taste the taste it's a tease that never would subside.
The taste is strong but soured by my learned eyes.
Well, if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he'd get down on his knees to pray.
When I woke up this mornin' I felt a pang.
I was hungerin' for some apple pie.
Stumble in the bathroom, hung my hog a little bit.
Washed the sleep out of my eye.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be a fine day.
Scratched myself a bit.
Poured me out a bowl-a corn chex.
Closest thing I could find to apple pie.
Lingerin' taste of toothpaste
Made the milk go down a bit funny.
But you know, them chex they do satisfy.
Oh yeah, this'll be a fine day.
So, after my mornin' rise-n-shine and eat-n-clean.
Had my mind set to hit them streets.
Drizzle from the night left cold puddles out.
Had my black stomp-boots on my feet.
It's my day.
Since I was in kneepants my pop had tried to make me realize. If I
set my mind down to it I could be a big man in the public eye. So
with my big blue collar on, I set out to find the easy way. What an
ice cold bath it was when I found you had to pay to play. To taste
the taste it's a tease that never would subside. The taste is strong
but soured by my learned eyes. Well, if a woodchuck could chuck wood,
he'd get down on his knees to pray. This little snappy boy might see
I took a ride with the Green Ranger,
stepped up and showed me lots of things.
He'd liquefy my eye and slice it up like pie,
now at night my right ear always rings.
I took a ride with the Green Ranger,
things were not quite what I had thought.
The (Nirvana) city fire, turned my nostril hairs to wire.
That's the night I'd nearly lost the block. (plot?)
[Incomprehensible Piker Banter]
It electrifies the night, it magnifies the sight,
watch out or you might just lose the plot.
Slice me up a big slab of that sympathetic cheer.
If I'm zapped with radiation they say I'll last another year.
Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.
My hands are full of protein, my arms are made of fire.
If you're calling me a diplomat, I'll be calling you a liar.
Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.
Hello all you boys and girls.
I'd like to take you to the inside world.
It's quite an irregular place to be.
But never fear you're safe with me.
Well, maybe.
Golden hair of macrame'
Against the face that's cut from stone.
The white porcelain is screaming Ayee
Thank God the the boy is not alone.
I don't believe in Santa Claus.
I don't belive in spite.
I have no use for beauty dolls.
Especially on this night.
I don't believe in miracles.
I don't belive in lies.
I don't belive in hologram
For I am the Frizzle Fry.
Andy's painting green again,
This time they might take him away.
When Barrington starts to breathe again.
It way just take us all away.
I don't believe in charity.
I don't believe in sin.
And if you don't believe in me,
We'll play this tune over again.
I don't believe in pinochle
And I don't beleive I'll try.
I do believe in Captain Crunch
For I am the Frizzle Fry.
Felt a pang late one afternoon
I was fishin' off Muir beach
With Larry LeLonde
Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich
And I started to chew
Pretty soon Ler's yellin
Fish on. Fish on
I was just a little pup
And it was derby day
Was dad and me and Darrell
Out in San Pablo bay
Taco flavored Doritos
And my orange life vest
Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test
Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half
Darrell'd say "Jump ya sons a bitch!"
And he grabbed for the gaff
When we got him in the boat
He measured six feet long
I was so danged impressed I had
To write a song called
Fish on
T'was a bright and sunny day
It was me and Todd Huth
Fishin' shark & Stingray
Out of Bohuas Lagoon
Well hey, hey, hey I'll be screwed,
Blued and tatooed
Looks like I got me one of them fish on
Bring me back again,
I'd really rather not be out here on my own.
Someone reel me in,
I'm drifting ever farther from my home.
I remember when I was a baby
gazing in amazement at the sky.
Sing it twinkle twinkle little baby
daddy's gonna learn you to fly...
high...
like a coment through the sky.
Bring me back again,
I'd really rather not be out here on my own.
I'm drifting with the wind,
trying to hold the course that I've been shown.
I remember when I was a baby
staring in amazement at the sun.
Better shield your eyes now little baby
no one ever said you were the one;
no one ever said you were the one
who can't be blinded by the sun.
I think I'm blinded by the sun.
I like to taunt, I like to tease.
I'll bring your psyche to its knees.
Juggling.
Sanity is coming to your town.
Who gives a damn what you say,
you're pissing all your dreams away.
Juggling.
Sanity is coming to your town.
Pressing onward through the night.
Del Davis sold a Christmas tree
Stood up to 8 feet tall
Season was lookin' mighty thin
He'd hoped to sell 'em all
Here he comes with a dollar in his hand
Represents the epitomized man
The boy liked rock 'n' roll
Seemed that's the way he paid his way
With the help of Del and them "Doogs"
There's a bit more joy this holiday
The man he stepped up to the microphone and he gave it a kiss, it was a big wet, slippery kiss
And he had sweat dripping off of his nose onto the windscreen
As he looked out over the audience he said, "God bless you, God bless you one and all"
The he took a can of Ronson lighter fluid and he squirted it over the top of his head
And proceeded to light himself on fire
Bodacious am a whole lotta' bull over nineteen hundred pounds. He's born in Galry, Oklahoma and he's the baddest sonsabitch around if a Burma bull ever were a super star then Bodacious just might be. He's a cream colored, beefy brawn, full-fledged, four footed bovine celebrity.
Who's gonna ride Bodacious? Who's gonna tame him down? Look out for Bodacious, he's bound to hold his ground. Here comes Bodacious, ya'll just step aside. Big and bad Bodacious takes a toll from those who ride.
Young Bo met a man named Tuff Hedeman at the start of his buckin' spree and Tuff became one of the few to make the whistle bkac in Nineteen Ninety Three.
Tuff tried to ride Bo again at the finals in Nineteen Ninety Five. Bodacious had got a little older and wiser Tuff barely came out alive.
[Instrumental]
Shut up you bastards!
He stood in line with the rest
And waited got his chance
To take his place behind the glass
And watch the ladies dance
It's the nature of things
He stepped into the darkened space
The air was thick and warm
He drops the coins in one by one
The scene unfolds before him
He stands looking eye to thigh
As she looks down from above
Only to be recognized
As his former love
It's the guy from the Hamburger Train, mate!
[Instrumental]
I pull the blinds then I take my clothes off
Dance around the house like nature boy
My genitalia and pectoral muscles aren't quite what I would like them to be
But you don't see me
No one can see me
I pull my blinds
Fill out my income tax form
Pen in hand I write so legibly
I have my kitty. His name is Allowishus, I stroke him
But you don't see me
No one should see me
I pull the blinds
For the sun glares off my tele and I find it quite so irritating
I have my videos-loads of Ren and Stimpy
Bottom-a bit of pornography
But you don't see me
No one should see me
I've been persecuted since I sailed in through the door!
And I've been known to sing a song in 3 and 4 and 5!
By the light of the lamp I sit to type-my notes on tab at my side
I don't see the sun much these days
A fluorescent tan covers my hide
How much impact shall I have this time?
My goal today is to reac the deadline
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I report the facts
Give them to me, please
Ham and egg sald on white bread keeps me company on nights like this
A pack of metholated cigarettes keeps my air nice and thick
When I write, words flow like coins from a candy box
Get out of my way
I've got something to say
The pulse is beating louder now
The cramps in my hands grow more intense with each
Tik, tik, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap on the keys
My social life is at an end so it seems to be
Why don't I trample on your lawn today?
I'll take skies of blue, turn over skies of grey
I write between the lines
I deal with fantasy
I am the pressman
Acknowledge me
Mother always told me never stray too far from home
The little lady said, "Boy, you'll never have to be alone,
Because,"
You build with fountain pen
You create the memory stain
You are the pressman
[Instrumental]
Messenger of Fear in sight
Dark deception kills the light
Hybrid children watch the sea
Pray for Father, roaming free
fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
great Old One
forbidden site
He searches
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
Crawling Chaos, underground
cult has summoned, twisted sound
Out from ruins once possessed
fallen city, living death
fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
Not dead which eternal lie
stranger eons Death may die
drain you of your sanity
face The Thing That Should Not Be
fearless Wretch
insanity
He watches
lurking beneath the sea
timeless sleep
has been upset
He awakens
Hunter of the Shadows is rising
immortal
in madness You dwell
(James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett; Creeping Death Music, ASCAP)
[Instrumental]
A B C D E F G H I gotta' gal wears her toenails long.
Drives a red Barracuda, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo.
A B C D E F G H I gotta' friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz.
Then a 55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends/
And the plates say Kalamazoo.
He had a steady job and watched what he spent.
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent.
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
and buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo.
I knew a guy that mangled his hand,
and he went from pipe fittin' to a hot dog stand.
They say last year he cleared fifty grand
selling dogs round Kalamazoo.
She turned to the world with a bastard child.
Said, ";I just can't handle him he's too damn wild";.
But the years and the liquor have made him mild.
And he lays around in Kalamazoo.
There was this kid in our neighborhood.
His Pop had named him Renegade.
He lived up to his name
with all the trouble that he made.
One day ol' Renegade Snuck into the Park Theater downtown
For a laugh he set fire to the screen,
burnt the whole damn place to the ground.
He thought that no one would mind,
He did that sort of thing all the time.
But his Pop was waitin' for him.
At age fifteen Renegade,
stole a tow truck from Arnie's Shell
Drove it through the front of a hardware store.
Spent the night in a county jail.
He didn't seem to mind a bit.
He liked the attention he would get.
Snipping, snipping, snipping goes the scissor man
Putting end to evil doers games
Snipping, snipping, snipping goes the scissor man
Maybe you are in his book of names
Maybe you are in his book of names
So be kind and helpful to your mother
Just think twice before you try and steal
When he cuts with sticky silver snippers
You may find the wounds will never heal
All self made bad boys
If you refuse to believe he exist
You won't be frightened when you find out
You're on his list
You're on his list
You're on his list
So be good and never poison people
Just think twice before the deed is done
When you wake up guilty in the morning
[Instrumental]
Your life is leaning downhill
Sloping off the outer edge
Your undetermined oyster beds
Were found to be a hedge
You cause the kids of Elmer Fudd
To feed the farmer whose
Cadaver's filled with onion rings
And feet are filled with glue
Now sinister exaggerator
What's your claim to fame?
Is still your favorite Ferlingetti
Found in Auntie Maim?
Your alter life is superceded
Only from above
Your hear is like a silken sponge
When the going gets tough
And the stomachg acids flow
The cold wind of conformity
Is nipping at your nose
When some trendy new atrocity
Has brought you to your knees
Come with us we'll sail the
There's a time for lies
And a time for truth
I say, eye for an eye
Eye for a tooth
When I roamed young
I'd scavenge around
Every nook and cranny
Of our little town
It's nice, so nice, to be
Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
SHAKE HANDS WITH BEEF
She's so fine
She's so sweet
Mom and Pop they raised her
On huge slabs of meat
She's fine
A man of nine
Water derby day
Twenty six pumps
On a Crossman
And it's time to play
It's nice, so nice, to be
Pull out the cannon boys
Steal us some wine
Puff Tijuana Smalls
Sgt. Baker is my name
I'm gonna teach you how to play the game
of warfare
Suddenly it appears to me
You got a bit much dignity
For your own good, boy
Yes sir, yes sir.
I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all just a bit like me
I said right, left
Sgt. Baker here again
And if you calls me "puddin Tame"
I'll stomp you down, boy
Steers and Queers
Steers and Queers where you come
From there's just steers and queers
And you ain't got no horns, boy
Yes sir, yes sir
I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all just a bit like me
They broke out in laughter again
His lip beaded with sweat as they strapped him in
And he stood by and waited to be called
The talk was of times that'd gone by
And the quantity and quality of women they lie
His eyes welled with wet and his mouth had gone dry
As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
For his turn to go over the falls
He got up and tried it again
For lack of persistence is surely a sin
As he stood by and waited to be called
He looked to the lightning with glee
And admired his vessel for it's symmetry
Feeling twelve units shy of a bachelor's degree
As he stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited to be called
He stood by and waited like the others before
[Instrumental]
The best of times, the worst of times,
the times you can't ignore.
Sometimes you bite the bullet
and flip flop on the floor.
They tell you where to go,
and they tell you what to do.
They set your face on fire
then stomp it out with their shoes.
I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.
The times I can't complain
are the times I do the most.
On a diet of black coffee
and prozac buttered toast.
These eunuchs in their prada
and Gucci flavored clothes.
Wouldn't know a fresh perspective
if it bit 'em up on the nose.
I ain't no fool.
Mama didn't raise no fool.
Don't do as they say,
just say as they do.
No flavor's quite so bitter
as the taste of one's own shoe.
I ain't no fool.
Here they come
Here come the bastards
I heard it from a confident -
Who heard it form a confidant
They're definately on their way
There's one with this idea
Something about a hammer head shark
Nosehairs and flatus
Best keep your distance because
Here they come here come the bastards
Bury your head deep in the sand
Anonyminity is a virtue in this day and age
Amazing hand dexterity
Flagrant misuse of security
Better run, run, run, run, run
Oh yeah!
Some people say my love cannot be true
please believe me, my love, and I'll show you
I will give you those things you thought unreal
The sun, the moon, the stars all bear my seal
Oh yeah!
Follow me now and you will not regret
leaving the life you led before we met
You are the first to have this love of mine
forever with me 'till the end of time
Your love for me has just got to be real
before you know the way I'm going to feel
I'm going to feel
I'm going to feel
Oh yeah!
Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you will see who I am
my name is Lucifer, please take my hand
Oh yeah!
Follow me now and you will not regret
leaving the life you led before we met
You are the first to have this love of mine
forever with me 'till the end of time
Your love for me has just got to be real
before you know the way I'm going to feel
I'm going to feel
I'm going to feel
Oh yeah!
Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you will see who I am
my name is Lucifer, please take my hand
I know something about opening windows and doors
I know how to move quietly to creep across creaky wooden floors
I know where to find precious things in all your cupboards and drawers
Slipping the clippers
Slipping the clippers through the telephone wires
The sense of isolation inspires
Inspires me
I like to feel the suspense when I'm certain you know I am there
I like you lying awake, your baited breath charging the air
I like the touch and the smell of all the pretty dresses you wear
Intruders happy in the dark
Intruder come
Jerry was a race car driver
And he drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He'd say "El solo number one"
With a bocephus sticker
On his 442 he'd light 'em up
Just for fun
Captain Pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine #3
I'll be a wealthy man when I get
A dime for all the things that
Man taught to me
Captain Pierce was a strong man
Strong as any man alive
It stuck in his craw that they
Made him retire at the age of 65
Jerry was a race car driver
22 years old
Had too many cold beers one night
And wrapped himself around a telephone pole.
Instrumental
As I stand in the Shower
Singing Opera and such
Pondering the possibility that I
Pull the pud too much
There's a scent that fills the air
Is it flatus? Just a touch.
Slice me up a big slab of that sympathetic cheer. If I'm zapped with radiation they say I'll last another year.
Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.
My hands are full of protein, my arms are made of fire. If you're calling me a diplomat, I'll be calling you a liar.
Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow. Line 'em up now to greet the sacred cow.
I just can't seem to blend
Into society
I have no hope for this dim
Simplicity of law and order
By whose rules I see no rhyme in
the reason
I hold no hope for this holy treason
Of love and so soft
By whose standards
They tell me, they tell me
Part I - Blinded by the Sun
Bring me back again, I'd really rather not be out here on my own. Someone reel me in, I'm drifting ever farther from my home.
I remember when I was a baby gazing in amazement at the sky. Sing it twinkle twinkle little baby daddy's gonna learn you to fly...
high...
like a coment through the sky.
Bring me back again, I'd really rather not be out here on my own. I'm drifting with the wind, trying to hold the course that I've been shown.
I remember when I was a baby staring in amazement at the sun. Better shield your eyes now little baby no one ever said you were the one; no one ever said you were the one who can't be blinded by the sun. I think I'm blinded by the sun.
Part II - Sanity is Coming to Town
I like to taunt, I like to tease. I'll bring your psyche to its knees. Juggling. Sanity is coming to your town.
Who gives a damn what you say, you're pissing all your dreams away. Juggling. Sanity is coming to your town.
Part III - Pressing Onward Towards the Light
Pressing onward through the night. Pressing onward towards the light.
I've been to hell. I spell it...I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
Stood there and I've waited and choked back the urge to scream
And if I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee-call it pointless
When I need relief I spell it THC
Perhpas you may know vaguely what I mean
I sit back and smoke away huge chunks of memory
As I slowly inflict upon myself a full lobotomy-call it pointless
Barbecues, tea kettles, gobs of axle grease
There comes a time for every man to sail the seas of cheese
Now, life's a bowl of bagel dogs, but there are unpleasantries
Cold toilet seats, dentist chairs and trips to DMV-call it pointless
I've been to hell. I spell it...I spell it DMV
Anyone that's been there knows precisely what I mean
I've stood in line and waited near an hour and fifteen
Burnin', I feel a burnin' in my stomach
I wanna know if I'm a gonna make it
If I don't just spread my ashes
If I do just spread you mind
Swimmin', I see myself a treadin' water
I see no signs of any other people
There's a heron up above me
I lay back and spread my mind
Duchess, she used to be a movie maker
She used to like to watch the boys watch her
And she saved enough money
To go to Cal and spread her mind
Billy used to follow the Dead with Arnie
And they made a hundred thousand dollars
But ended up in federal prison
He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
With the sharpness of a troubadour
I dare you look him in the eye
His stench would make a buzzard cry
He likes Burt in White Lightning
Camelback Cinema
In the dark she sat and wait
For her steady random date
Reflecting back to a time
When eager boys would stand in line
She likes Burt in White Lightning
He's standin' tall at 5 foot 4
Lurking in the corridor
He came to buy his weekly whore
[Instrumental]
Glad you came, glad you're here
Have some champagne, imported beer
Dig down in your dirt bag
And roll us out a spleef
Been erect here now for thirteen days
And I came to get relief
At Bob's Party Time
Pack my nose with cocaine
Feed my filthy hole
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control
And if by chance I fall down
And bust my head on the floor
Just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
And point me towards the shore
At Bob's Party Time
Glad you came, glad you're here
Have some champagne, imported beer
Dig down in your dirt bag
And roll us out a spleef
Been erect here now for thirteen days
And I came to get relief
At Bob's Party Time
Peck my nose with cocaine
Feed my filthy hole
Bust out the dancin' women
I'm prone to lose control
And if by chance I fall down
And bust my head on the floor
Just wrap my wound in a porterhouse steak
And point me towards the shore
[Instrumental]
[Instrumental]
Oh I can still remember
Jenny Hernando
She was my little lovely one
When I was seventeen.
I remember the day that she
Gave me her viriginity
And then she gave it to everyone
In our vicinity.
Oh I can still remember
Julie Tolentino
The dancing Filipino
We used to run around.
Her and Flouncin' Freddy
Were going hot and steady.
Now she runs a dyke bar,
The biggest one in town.
I can still remember my
Old friend Todd Squelati
I watching him snort a
Milkshake right up his nose.
He slurped it up the left side.
Blew it out the right side.
How he ever kept it down,
I will never know.
Of course I still remember
Ol Flouncin' Freddy
We were pumping gas
Down at El Sobrante Shell
His Mustang was his pride n' joy
He liked to dance the cowboy,
Hanging out at Jack In the Box
Used to come around here
To peddle his wares
A lot more takers now
The turkey "J"
You can taste the air
Around your face
His name was Barrest Jeffries
They picked him up twice
For cooking up amphetamine
Now he's on the tweek again
Drinking county prune
He doesn't mind so much
So we'd sit around the fire
Singing "Kumbaya"
Questions deserving answers
Answers deserving action
What am I of the populi
I am but a fraction
Is there heaven? Is there Hell?
Is that tuna melt I smell?
I am the plan, I am the man
who tells you what and when you can.
I'm the old one that torments you.
I am the voice that tells you to:
"Don't get caught with your fingers in my pie.
Mess with me and boy you're surely gonna' die.
If ever you're in doubt about who or where I am.
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere.
I am your Uncle Sam."
Electric Uncle Sam
You beg me please on bended knees
not to sit among these enemies.
If you feel like you wanna dance
then step aside and take a chance.
"Don't get caught with your fingers in my pie.
Mess with me and boy you're surely gonna' die.
If ever you're in doubt about who or where I am.
I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere.
I am your Uncle Sam."
";I remember as if it were a meal ago";
Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
";She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into the heart of the alley.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
";Say baby do you wanna lay down by me";
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of San Pablo Bay
A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes
He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel
In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
>From the "tugging" that pulled at his mouth
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Fellow colleges, distinguished members of the press, ladies
and gentlemen:
I would like to take this opportunity to personally and humbly thank
each and every one of you for joining us at this particular event.
It is my hope that we can utilize this meeting of the minds to
successfully convey the essence of our platform to you, a grand and
noble audience.
As I look out among the faces, I reflect, taking console in the words
of Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said, ";We have nothing to fear but
fear itself.";
Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing
next to you, may not be who they appear to be, so take precaution.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste, this is true any a young person
has fallen prey, to the substances that alter the perspective Of any
right thinking individual.
The Problem with the youth today is, because of their inexperience
with the world, they cannot attempt to grasp the ideals, set forth by
myself and those who preceded me.
But, as history has shown, they will come around, and embrace our
philosophies and become model citizens in their own right, God bless
this great nation.
Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar. You're gonna go far, fly high,
You're never gonna die, you're gonna make it if you try; they're gonna love you.
Well, I've always had a deep respect, and I mean that most sincerely.
The band is just fantastic of the town you are the talk,
but who the hell's this guy they call Bob Cock?"
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy? We call it Riding the
Gravy Train.
We're just knocked out. We heard about the sell out. You gotta get an
album out,
You owe it to the people. We're so happy we can hardly count.
Everybody else is just green, have you seen the chart?
It's a helluva start, it could be made into a monster if we all pull together
as a team.
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy? We call it Riding the
When I was born, the doc he held me by my ankles
Smacked my red behind
They hosed me down, wrapped me like a bean burrito
Then marked the date and time
Hats off, to the ones that string the beads together
And keep the ducks in line
Hats off to all the ones that stood before me
And taught a fool to rhyme
At thirteen, I made myself a motion picture
Out of lumps of clay
At fourteen, I pulled some weeds and bought a four string
Taught myself to play
At seventeen, I'd get naked with a beauty queen
At the Hot Tub Zone
At nineteen, she was livin' hard and snortin' drugs
That decayed her bones
Hats off to the ones that put it all together
And keep their ducks in line
Hats off to all the ones that erred before me
Now listen up you know ya come home from working that nine to five and
lay yourself down on burgundy couch, you know, it never really was
burgundy. It was red, and you painted with the goddamn sprinkler and
now you have bits and pieces of burgundy stuck to your butt every time
you get off of it. You never tell your family, you never tell your
family because, you know, ol' Junior, he's got no brains, and what can
you do? What can you do?
Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them Cans of swine
Ha ha ha! Yes, Dad's an idiot alright!
Well, alright, I'm really starting to worry about you. You had to have
that two-car garage with the large driveway so you could park that
goddamn boat in it. If it wasn't for the boat (blah blah blah)
I like Kansas wine...
Well, maybe it's something simpler, like your team lost or your
My socks and shoes always match
Is it Luck?
There's a foot at the end of each of my legs
Is it Luck?I can play my bass for you
Is it Luck?Some gals like to kiss my face
Is it Luck? Is it Luck?
There was food inside your mouth today
Is it Luck?Your barber cuts your hair just so
Is it Luck?When the taste of sex is on your lips
Is it Luck? Is it Luck?
Cyanide works oh so fast
Is it Luck?Polyester makes you sweat
Is it Luck?If a graham cracker gets you off
Is it Luck
Love. Love?
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of San Pablo Bay
A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes
He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel
In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
From the "tugging" that pulled at his mouth
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
I been fightin' gravity since I was two.
Questers of the prize
blind men int he snow.
Some streak the skies
I choose to go below.
Skin moves towards malignant
worshipping the sun.
They clamber over corpses
to be the chosen ones.
Drift along liquid sky.
Descending through the darkness
to the vast terrain.
Down here on the bottom
you rarely hear the rain.
Oh, welcome to this world of fools
Of pink champagne and swimming pools
Well, all you have to lose is your virginity
Perhaps we'll have some fun tonight so stick around and take a bite of life
We don't need feebleness in this proximity
Ask good MacDuff and Donalbain, so many good ideas are slain
By those who would dare not step out of line
But if I have my way tonight and chances are I think I might-
I'll turn those sour minds to grapes of wine
Welcome to this world
Don't judge the boy by what you hear
The words are heard beyond the ear
The heart and mind are focus for this conversation
But be abound in mystery for that so much you do to me
For there are those who drown in adulation
If I had a dime for each time that I heard them preach
I remember as if it were a meal ago
Said, Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear
Whatever foreign matter may have nestled its way into his mighty throat
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise
While staring point blank down the cavernous barrel
Of this awesome prowling machine
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did
She came slidin' down the alleyway
Like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough
To arouse suspicion in even the oldest of
Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days
The sight was beyond belief
Many a head snapped for double even triple
Takes as this vivacious feline made her
Her way into the delta of the alleyway
Where the most virile of the young
Tabbys were known to hang out
They hung in droves
Such a multitude of masculinity
could only be found in one place
And that was O'malley's Alley
The air was thick with cat calls
(No pun intended)
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch
As she sauntered up into the heart of the alley
She knew what she wanted
She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat.
And that was me
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee
I've seen them out at Soco
They're pounding sixteen penny nails
The truckers on the interstate
Have been known to ride the rails
The sweat is beating on the brow
Can't keep these fellas down
'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers
Are runnin' this here town
I knew a man who hung drywall
He hung it mighty quick
A trip or two to the blue room
WOuld help him do the trick
Hise foreman would pat him on the back
Whenever he would come around
'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers
Are beloved in this here town
Now the union boys are there
To protect us from all the corporate type
While curious George's drug patrol
Is out here hunting snipe
Now they try to tell me different
But you know I ain't no clown
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Are the backbone of this town
Now the flame that burns twice as bright
Burns only half as long
My eyes are growing weary
As I finalize this song
So sit back and have a cup o' joe
And watch the wheels go round
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
An overaged boy of thirty-nine has left the wing today.
The first time in his life he's made that step.
Be numbed by the society and plagued by insecurity.
He's entered in a race that must be won.
One of the animals has left its cage today
IN search of better things so it seems to be.
But in this land of polyurethane,
Things are apt to get a bit hot.
As the toys go winding down.
C.G. the Mexican is a friend of mine.
We used to sit around the house watching evil dead.
Talking about the way it used to be...
We used to pull the strippers out of Sand Pablo bay.
Now the delta waters go down So. Cal.
And the strippers start to fade away.
It's pudding time!
It's pudding time!
Suffocated by mirrors, stained by dreams
Her honey belly pulls the seams
Curves are still upon the hinge
Pale zeros tinge the tiger skin
Moist as grass, ripe and heavy as the night
The sponge is full, well out of sight
All around the conversations
Icing on the warm flesh cake
Light creeps through her secret tunnels
Sucked into the open spaces
Burning out in sudden flashes
Draining blood from well-fed faces
Desires form in subtle whispers
Flex the muscles in denial
Up and down its pristine cage
So the music, so the trial
Vows of sacrifice, headless chickens
Dance in circles, they the blessed
Man and wife, undressed by all
Their grafted trunks in heat possessed
Even as the soft skins tingle
They mingle with the homeless mother
Who loves the day but lives another
That once was hers
The worried father, long lost lover
Brushes ashes with his broom
Rehearses jokes to fly and hover
Bursting over the bride and groom
And the talk goes on
Memories crash on tireless waves
The lifeguards whom the winter saves
Silence falls the guillotine
All the doors are shut
Nervous hands grip tight the knife
In the darkness, till the cake is cut
Passed around, in little pieces
The body and the flesh
The family and the fishing-net
And another in the mesh
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
The air is getting slipper and it's not to my surprise
My heart, it beats irregularly and the sweat it fills my eyes
I do not mind what I excrete 'cause
I'm here to make a buck
And those that cannot take the heat can take a flying...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
The dogs are barking merrily as Jerry sits on high
If you've studied your Floyd property, you'd know that pigs could fly
Now if you want an encore you might hear it is luck
But me, I'd rather play Residents, 'cause I don't give a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
Now, Fatty, he's a hell of a guy but he sweats like a dancing mule
He likes to hang out at Checker Gas with the Chets he knew from high school
He sold enough crystal meth to buy a stepside truck
But if you ask me twice I'd say the boy ain't worth a...
Forgive me if I hesitate
It's incredibly hot in here today, incredibly hot in here
The act of perspiration is far beyond control
If the heat compels to aspirate please try not to miss the bowl
If sweatiness makes you horny, well darlin' I think you're in luck
We are gathered here
Today in these majestic
halls of old to honor
a man they call
Sathington Willoughby.
There's a joke or two,
A pun or three
I feel that must be
told then I go on to
speak of Sathington Willoughby.
Sathington Willoughby
the legislator that
penned us up a bill
that banned the use
Came up on a worried man, asked him if he had a light
He reached on down, dug in his shoe, figured in his sock he might
He asked if he cold come and join, at what he was partakin' in
I says, "Ol' soul if you got a match, you also got yourself a friend"
The smoke drew hard but laid in good, the neon gave us extra shine
We passed around a flask of Knockando, and a half liter bottle of wine
The worried man dropped down to his knees, and let out with a somber groan
He looked up to me and when I asked, he said, "I'm just restin' my bones"
I looked down at him, and him up at me, then a smile rose above his chin
He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down, said, "Listen to me now my friend"
When I was your age I did it all, more than many men could do
Now my possessions are the ones I wear on my back, and this lighter I keep in my shoe
That's why I'm restin' my bones
I'm restin' my bones for the times I fell, fell and hit myself on the ground
Restin' my bones for the loneliness, of being the only genius around
I'm restin' my bones for prosperity, in hopes that it'll do me some good
I'm restin' bones from amphetamines, see they turned teeth to balsa wood
I'm restin' bones for Johnny Cash, 'cause for me and mine he's wearin' black
I'll be restin' my bones for Elvis, I seen him last week at the track
If I'm restin' bones and you come along, just try and tippy toe on by
You can have a lolly pop
a candy bar a jelly bean.
I'll buy you a rainbow
to hang above your door.
It's pudding time.
Laughter is a sweet
You can't put a price on.
When laughter's all gone
Daddy won't buy you more.
It's pudding time.
It's pudding time children.
Money money monye
To buy you things.
Daddy's gonna buy you a
diamond ring.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
San Francisco bay the
Striped bass are dying.
But you're gonna get
That brand new bike
Oh joy
It's pudding time
Pass the pen there Billy Bob, I'll write us up a song
Or perhaps I'll pen a sonnet, if the melody sits all wrong
Hand me down a crayon, and I'll draw a mighty oak
'Cause of all my brother Masons, I'm the quickest with a joke
Catch me in the right light, you'll see my shapes shaped to please
And if I shank my trousers down, I'm hung just above the knees
You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weighty name
I'm the one that told you, told you so, they calls me Puddin' Taine
Now step on up to dance the dance, and touch the hand that heals
Like the tallest hog on Wall Street, I'm a wheelin' all the deals
They'll carve my face in marble, they'll etch my name in stone
They'll paint my noble portrait, and historify my home
You may have difficulty catchin' breath, when you hear my weight name
Military show is Blastin' off to Kosovo.
Military show with lightning speed.
Sensitivity? Oh, just a rusty nail in the corporate show.
How many stabs before we bleed?
Those Pinocchios chattering out in stereo,
boy Pinnocchio and his golden deed.
Masculinity? Oh, galvanized in the world wide show
as we fertilise the seed.
Power mad, I didn't chop the tree down dad
I only try to do what's right.
Power man, the best friend that you ever had
unless of course you choose to fight.
Power mad, driving out of the shadows,
he never tires when he plays.
Power mad, he's a streak in the night time
speculating how he'll take on the world some day.
Originality? Oh, just a rusty nail in a Broadway show
how many stabs before we succeed.
Power mad, I didn't drop my pants down dad,
I know my left hand from my right.
Power man, the best friend that you ever had
There's a boy out 'luma way named Joe Eugene.
He's one mellow ass son of a bitch-a.
He loves his wheat grass and cold bean curd.
He's one healthy ass sone of a bitch-a.
But late at night he sneaks on down to the liquor store
for a bottle of sheep dip.
Natural Joe,
got an easy flow.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."
Joe, he's a happy Man and he won't do you wrong.
He's one respectable son of a bitch-a.
Now Joe ain't no patriarch,
but he's smooth with the girls.
He ain't no cahuvinistic sone of a bitch-a.
But late at night he sneaks on down to the porno store
for a little bit of ...
Nature Joe,
he's hanging low.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."
There's a boy out 'luma way named Joe Eugene.
He's one mellow ass son of a bitch-a.
He don't like firearms; he don't own knives.
He's one pacifistic sone of a bitch-a.
But late at night he eases on down to the video store
for a little bit of ...
Natural Joe,
got an easy flow.
Whereever he goes
they say "here comes Joe."
Natural Joe,
looking slow and low.
Look there he goes.
Hello Mr. Krinkle
How are you today?
Seems the rumors are about your team might move away
Now, me I'm sentimental
But I'm not one to cry
Say there Mr. Krinkle let's cruise the Bastard boat
Damn then sonsabitches with their gill-nets set afloat
I flip on my tele and I watch the waters die
C'mon Mr. Krinkle tell me why
Hey ho Mr. Krinkle have you heard the brand new sound
It's a cross between Jimi Hendrix
Bocephus, Cher and James Brown
It's called "Heavy Hometown"
New Wave, cold-filtered, low-calorie dry
They call me Mr. Knowitall
I will not compromise.
I will not be told what to do.
I shall not step aside.
They call me Mr. Knowitall
I have no time to waste.
My mouth it spews pure intellect.
And I've such elegant taste.
They call me Mr. Knowitall.
I sup the aged wine.
Oh I could tell such wonderous tales
if I should find the time.
I must be Mr. Knowitall
For ideas they come in bounds.
I am Mr. Knowitall
So spread the word around.
They call me Mr. Knowitall
I am so eloquent.
Perfection is my middle name
We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a British steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work
Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak
And loves to be spoken to
Nigel is happy in his work
The river water diverts to other places
To nurture central valley seeds
The northern waters that slosh desert fairways
Fulfill So-Cal golfers needs
The Mighty Chook, it used to run the rivers
To the grounds where they spawn
Thin numbers, as the shipping ferries waned
Pretty soon, they'll all be gone
Jimmy Mac runs the trawler of his father
Who got it passed down from his Pa
Three closed seasons, and a banknote on his shoulder
That Jimmy's hidin' from the law
Jimmy watched, as the bulk of the fleet
Sold their boats and moved away
But after the stroke, he promised to his father
He'd do his best to stay
CHORUS:
He'd remember the days when his father used to show him
How to set the temp on the fuel?
His hand upon his shoulder, he looked out at the water
Said, "Son it is my fear, that you'll be the Last Salmon Man."
You're the Last Salmon Man
You're the Last Salmon Man
You're the Last Salmon Man, from the MacGoverner's? clan
*JAM SESSION*
2010 they re-opened North Cal. waters
To the salmon chasing slew
Four straight days, Jimmy trolled the jagged coastline
But, the fish were far and few
Jimmy watched as the bulk of the fleet
Packed their boats and moved away
But on his death bed, he promised to his father
He'd do his best to stay
CHORUS
Last Salmon Man
He's the Last Salmon Man
He's the Last Salmon Man
When he was young you'd not find him doing well in school,
His mind would turn unto the waters.
Always the focus of adolescent ridicule,
He has no time for farmer's daughters.
Alienated from the clique society,
A lonely boy finds peace in fishing.
His mother says "John this is not the way life's supposed to be."
"Don't you see the life that you are missing?"
And he says...
When I grow up I want to be,
One of the harvesters of the sea.
I think before my days are done,
I want to be a fisherman.
Now years gone by we find man that rules the sea.
He sets out on a dark May morning .
To bring his catch back to this small community.
He doesn't see the danger dawning.
Four hours up, oh the ocean swelled and swelled,
The fog rolled in it started raining.
"The starboard bow." "Oh my God we're going down!"
They do not hear his frantic mayday.
And he says
When I grow up I want to be,
one of the harvesters of the sea.
I think before my days are done,
I want to be a fisherman.
"I'll live and die a fisherman."